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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst 

26th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! It's me again, your suddenly motivated former beta reader turned serial reviewer.

GryCReMo (Review #34)

I really like how casual Nate and his uncle are about the whole vampire thing. I suppose it's no more casual than wizards are about the wizard thing or goblins are about the goblin thing, but the point is that the just take it all in stride. Apart from a few misunderstandings, there's nothing overly mysterious or menacing about Uncle Toby. And I love the name, for reasons we've already discussed elsewhere.

For his part, Nate kept really true to form. He feels badly for exposing his uncle to someone who might be prejudiced against vampires. Again, it's mostly a misunderstanding but it shows where all of the philosophical talk about vampire rights was coming from.

She took one of the sealed bottles of water and clutched it in her lap. There was no need to die dehydrated... -- That's my girl! Practical, to the last.

“I fell in love. Like you, Wren. And at about your age too. I was lucky enough to land a dream job at The Times, taking photographs of famous people, and we were never apart. Oh, she was a big, bony thing, all smoke and leggy tripods everywhere, not like the compact contraptions you use today.” -- Slow clap. This was completely brilliant. It took me two or three reads to figure out what he was talking about, and then it was brilliant.

Uncle Toby is pretty awesome. That line about looking forward to the children's birthdays brought it home beautifully.

“Smeed? Good man, he is.” Nate’s uncle looked her up and down. “I’d thought he had outgrown his tastes for a young thing such as yourself by now.” -- Ha! Yeah, that one made me laugh out loud. I guess it's a small world when you're undead.

Hmmnn... The line about what might happen to Dillon started me thinking. It seems fairly clear that the Vampire Council isn't simply going to leave him be. I know it's not the best analogy, but I'm thinking of how bears who've learned to attack humans have to be "dealt with". Not a pretty picture. Especially since we know that Dillon's motivations are basically innocent, if misguided.

Oh, boy. Nate is a thrill-seeker. If only he knew the kinds of "thrills" that Hogwarts students have stumbled upon in the past without even needing to seek them out. Perhaps he'd be less enthusiastic.

Albus is frustratingly thick. Or perhaps it's just that he can't focus on more than one thing at a time. Dealing with James or dealing with Wren. At the moment, he needs to be doing less of the former and more of the latter.

“You’re going to talk to her? As in, have a conversation, with words? What was in your juice this morning?” -- It's the new thing, Albus. Even Scorpius is doing it. You might want to give it a try, you ignoramus.

Well, there goes McGonagall's plan for dealing with Demon Bunny Zero. And it went so badly that Ackerly has gone from being the solution to being part of the problem. When will people at Hogwarts learn to stop trusting the creepy librarian?

Interesting. So it seems like Albus's rabbit got drunk on wizard blood and went rogue. Maybe Dillon will yet be part of the solution here and not just the problem. I have the strangest feeling as though Dillon's role in this story will evolve some more before it's over.

Great job! I shall return!

Author's Response:

What is this, Chapter 25?? How words fly by.

Good morning! If this is how you serialize yourself, I don't mind at all. Go right ahead. I'm enjoying all of it.

Haha, Toby's name was fun to come up with. I didn't know how to top the other vampire names in this story, already having 'Smeed' and 'Burns', but he got a good one, I think. He's also the only vampire with nomenclature options. I like that too about him.

Yes, Wren's practical. That was very important to me. It's a big part of her story.

Ah, I'm glad you liked that line about the camera. Still, if you had to read it more than once to get it, there's something wrong. I rearranged the sentences to lead-in with the camera. I think it clears it up a bit better.

I made you laugh I made you laugh! *bounces up and down* Do I get points for that? :P

It's sad about the bears. Now I feel sad. *mourns bears* And erm, yeah, Nate's enthusiasm gets tempered eventually. He doesn't know what he's in for until he gets thrown to the wovles... rabbits...? I just don't know anymore. My poor brain.

Naw, that line was totally supposed to be throwing it back in Scorpius' face. Albus is not anti-talk, he's just distracted by things, like James, and flesh-eating monsters. You know, the important things.

Don't you trust librarians? They are so knowledgeable and helpful, and full of information and... okay, maybe not so much here.

You hope for fantastic things, Dan. Thanks for another wonderful review!


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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 

7th August 2015:
Hi Pix! I am finally here with your review!

Chapter 21: This was an interesting chapter. She is finally starting to put a lot more together with what is going on and confiding more to others than she did before. I am concerned with Dillon and him getting into her mind. It sort of freaks you out in a way that someone could get into your head so unknowingly. Rose is quite paranoid with Scorpius. They just need to sit down and have a conversation! Maybe then when Scorpius isn't acting up and Rose doesn't get physical they will be better together? Possibly? :) Nate is very interesting and I am curious how he knows so much on the subject of Thralls. He is a good solid character that you cannot help but like. Here we go Smeed is really trying to get this under control here. I love this character too. He seems so mellow about all of this, but has that take charge and fix the problem ability to him too. Oh boy, and there is Dillon at the gate... this is going to get interesting...

Chapter 22: This chapter started off nice great. I loved how you changed the focus back to Wren and Albus. I really enjoyed how he taught her how to think in order to let the magic sort of flow from her instead of just demanding it. I could picture everything really nicely! I was a bit upset with Albus and jumping to the wrong conclusion. The two of them just really need to have a talk too. They almost seem like they are both afraid of how they feel and neither one of them can admit what it is to each other yet... I hope. Oh that James and always being right around the corner waiting for the unsuspecting Albus. I was cheering Albus on. At least he stood up for himself! I also really like the excitement Wren had in getting her pictures developed so they could be looked at by Nate's uncle. I am not sure I can explain in words what I think of Serena. She seems... a bit off her rocker, but I like that they share the common bond of photography. I am eager to learn more about that photo of Bunny too. I also liked how Wren was ready to voice her knowledge of what Smeed truly is. OH MY GOSH!!! GRAN! Holy Cliff Hanger!! I found this too... "HJer nerves flared." I also saw a confusing sentence somewhere in the James/Albus/Lori/Scorpius spot too, but couldn't find it again. Just a heads up!

Chapter 23: Wait wait wait... you mean you are making this cliff hanger a seriously serious cliff hanger!? :) I liked how you didn't reveal everything right away with Gran and refocused on the others. It really made me more eager to find out what happens! Oh Rose. She just needs to be with Scorpius. The two of them together would be just a perfect mix of smarts and craziness. Oh no! Ian is going to enthrall her isn't he!? Gran is awesome! You have it spot on with capturing her character! I am so glad that she is okay and I am even more happy that her and Wren talked so Wren could finally understand what she had been upset about. I also like how Smeed gave more of the story about the Vampires and that he is going to help bring about Dillon's end of terrorization he has going on. Rose is enthralled! Good thing Scorpius is there!

Chapter 24: I am way super excited about this chapter! So much is happening to just about everyone and I liked that Wren is really now stepping up and understanding more and more as the chapters have continued. Now she is going to get Professor McGonagall involved and I can breath a sigh of relief right? Nope! Still on the edge of my seat! I like how she's involved Scorpius and Callie and they are forming a plan to help with the capture of Bunny. I sort of do feel bad for Bunny. He's just the puppet here. I am super happy she still went and attended Hogsmeade with Nate even with everything going on. At least she had things in place before she left. I will fully admit, my heart sank at first when she realized that Nate's uncle is a Vampire...

Chapter 25: I really really liked Nate's uncle! Yes, I can totally understand poor Wren's hysteria here, but he is genuinely awesome. I would love to see more of him if you ever do a Smeed story!! LOVE Nate's sheltered life feeling there at the end when they head back to Hogwarts! :) I was really concerned for Albus and Scorpius being in the Library, but now we find out that the thing has spawned! Oh my Goodness! Flesh eaters! I certainly hope something serious happens with Madam Pince she is just such an awful enabler and so easily controlled. Oh No... Dillon is going to send them after McGonagall... I really hope they don't get to her before Smeed can get there with the council and save the day. McGonagall is one tough lady I hope they rethink this!

Well your story is really kicking it into high gear now with the plot. So many things are happening and you are effortlessly making everything transition so well that I see no confusion with the story line at all. I did see some misspellings and confusing sentences that I can always go back and point out later through a PM if you'd like, but you are doing such a superb job at this that I am really looking forward to finding out what will happen next!

Keep up the awesome job!! Adding this to my favorites!!! :)


Author's Response:


You've almost caught up to the last posted chapter, what are we GOING TO DO???

Seriously, I have enjoyed the romp through this story with you so much. It looks like the elements of the story are fitting together for you as well as they can, which makes me pleased that all my work has not gone for naught.

Chapter 21: Yeah, let's pretend that Scorpius and Rose are mature enough to actually have a real conversation about anything. LOL. And SMEED! He's working hard to figure things out, like his reputation depends on it... which it does... Go Smeed, go!

Chapter 22: Talking? What is this thing you keep wanting these characters to do... as if actually saying out loud what they're thinking will do any good... haha, my snark is coming out. Ah, haha, Serena. Yeah. She's... umm... I wanted to do a twisty thing with her and I loved how it turned out, even though it was weird and unusual. It was fun to write her being typically fixated on boy parts in an unconventional way.

Chapter 23: But of course it's a hangery cliffhanger. It'll get resolved soon. Ah, there it is. And yeah, this chapter sort of explodes with stuff. Gran IS awesome. :)

Chapter 24: Wren is learning that she can't do everything all by herself. And I guess you can feel sorry for Bunny if you really need to. He isn't the one to blame, that's true. And Wren loves him, so it's just hard all around. I hope the vampire thing didn't throw you too much. Please let me know how you feel about that at some time. I'd really like to know if how I handled it made sense and wasn't too off-putting.

Chapter 25: I'm glad Wren's hysteria is understandable. She's spent most of the story NOT being hysterical, and now that she's aware of what's going on, it's time for her to at least freak out a little bit, don't you think? I love Smeed too. He almost derailed my plot, and I had to stop writing to edit several chapters to give him a more prominent place in the story. I may have to do a Smeed story some day. He's strong, that one. I also like Nate's uncle. And yeah, poor sheltered Nate! lol. I love the description of Pince as an enabler. That fits so well!

I am so relieved that you aren't confused about anything right now. I fixed that typo, thanks! And if you spot those sentences, just shoot me a pm so I can take a look.

Thanks so much for a fantastic review!


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Review #3, by MargaretLane 

15th January 2015:
Apologies for the delay in getting around to reading this.

I had to laugh at his reference to his title. He appears to have a sense of humour about it.

OK, I'm now getting a bit creeped out by Nate. I assumed it was just a coincidence his uncle was a vampire too, but like Wren says, it IS rather a coincidence and Nate comment about her "not being ready yet" and seeing things as they do sounds like he might be hinting at something more than just "I didn't think she'd be prejudiced against him.

You've no paragraph break after her comment about another vampire trying to take over the school.

I don't think he necessarily IS trying to take over the school actually. Whether he's a good guy or a villain has yet to be determined, but either way, I suspect it's a little more complicated than his just trying to take over the school. Maybe he's the other guy helping Smeed solve it. That seems probable actually.

Hmm, I wonder why Nate's mother didn't want him at Hogwarts and what that part about the flu refers to. There seems to be more going on here than we know of.

I can't help feeling sorry for Dillon. I get the impression he is likely to be killed or something like that and he is just a kid.

It would probably be better to put Nate grabbing Wren's arm on the same line as his previous dialogue. I got a little confused and had to reread because I was beginning to wonder which of them had said the previous line.

Oh gosh, what are they planning to do to Rose? Turn her into a vampire maybe? I hope Albus and Scorpius are able to stop them.

Oh gosh, is it McGonagall he's hoping to entrall at the end? He'll have quite a job doing that.

I sort of thought things were improving and coming to a point where things were going to be solved, but the ending sounds kind of ominous and as if it's not over yet.

This story is always intriguing. It never gets obvious where it's going.

Author's Response: Hi! You're back!

Nate's uncle has a bit of a sense of humor about his situation, that's true. I think it gets him through the long nights.

I generally wanted to give Nate a little more life, but I think I might have gone overboard with it a bit. It's hard to drop hints if you're not going to go back and fill in the gaps later. Anyway, the bit with his mother was supposed to give him more color. It shows that she's overprotective and that she trusts a vampire to take care of him.

The story isn't quite over yet. After this, I have five more chapters. Then I'm going out for ice cream. Maybe pie.

Hey, I'm glad the story keeps you guessing, but I hope that's in a good way, and not in a wow-I'm-really-confused-what-is-this-author-doing way. :)

Thanks for another lovely review, and as always, thanks for continuing on with my story!

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Review #4, by newbeatle 

1st January 2015:
Happy New Year!
I was reading you story over the last few days and it pulled me in right away. It's original and fresh. Can't wait for the next chapter. :)

Author's Response:

Ahh! So happy that you got pulled in to my crazy story! Thanks so much for leaving a review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it. The next chapter will be coming in a week or two.


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Review #5, by BellatrixLover3 

29th December 2014:
Great chapter! 😃 Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Happy Holidays to you too!

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