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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst 

23rd August 2015:
Pix, you may be the best there is when it comes to building up a perfectly romantic moment and then dashing it on the rocks. Mist painting on the covered bridge in the early morning before the castle wakes up. Swirling patterns of blue and green dancing together. Wren trying to decide whether to slip under Albus's outstretched arm. And then a crowd of dopey Hufflepuffs featuring Nate, the Destroyer of Moments. Gah!!!

GryCReMo (Review #27)

Albus was right. She could do it without him, but she didn't want to. -- Well, that's progress of a sort. Now she just needs to let him know that.

Just when I thought that maybe, just maybe Albus was exaggerating James's persecution a bit in his head, this happens. I'll qualify the sentiment only to this extent: It's possible, I suppose, that James was somehow trying to hit Albus with a spell that would make him turn around and declare his undying love for Wren. I think that's unlikely, but it would be consistent with James's bizarre sort of logic. Mostly, though, I just think he was trying to make Albus feel like an even bigger fool. And the way he runs off after the duel? Just cowardly and weak.

Sigh. And I suppose now Wren is going to encounter this Lori girl all over Albus in a corridor somewhere? I actually don't remember whether that happens, I'm just guessing. Brilliant. :(

Serena is sort of... creepy, but in a sophisticated way? Is that a thing? Anyway, I don't think Wren needs to worry about her becoming a legitimate competitor for any boy's affection. Unless maybe he has really, really nice skin.

Ah, so Wren has learned something new about Bunny. Not sure what, obviously, but apparently it was enough to shake her badly.

Go, Gran! I love that crazy, old vulture hat-wearing lady! Not that I think Smeed was about to cause Wren any harm. Rather, I think that he simply wants to know what Wren knows. He's one piece away from solving the puzzle and Wren has that piece. I hope they're able to assemble the whole thing in the next chapter.

This story is getting so good now! I'm barreling ahead with reckless abandon!

Author's Response:

Romantic moment? Where?? Just kidding. I completely did that on purpose. We'll just give Nate his own black cape and some kind of freaky mask and call it a day, shall we?

You might be asking a bit much of Wren right now. That move would require independent thoughts, which is difficult when there's someone else inside her head trying to influence her every move.

I love how you're seemingly trying to justify James' actions by giving reasonable and logical explanations for his deplorable behavior.

About Lori, I had something like that in mind, but then squashed it in first revision when I felt like it was too predictable. Good thing. You'd have seen it coming from a mile away.

I don't know if creepy sophistication is a "thing" or not. But I will say that my endgame for Serena surprised my other beta reader. I can't wait to see if you are pleased or you end up throwing things at me... figuratively, of course, because of the computer screen.

Gran is indeed back within her right mind. She's one tough lady.

We're so close. I can feel it.

Pix


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Review #2, by Mia 

25th January 2015:
Hi! This is the first time i'm reviewing so I feel slightly guilty but hopefully this long, chunky one will make up for the lack of reviews on my part.

Honestly, this has to be the most unique fic i've ever read and I really, truly love it! I love, love, love how you've turned this simple idea of a pet rabbit into this obsession of Wren's and every time we read Bunny communicating to her, I literally get goosebumps. There's just this creepy vibe all the way through and when you're reading at 3am (I stayed up till 5 reading up to this chapter), the mood and atmosphere is so much more emphatic.

And the mystery is killing me! Who is Dillon? Who is his mother? Is Smeed the good guy or the bad guy? What's up with Gran? Questions, questions, questions. I have a few theories brewing in my mind but I don't want to make incorrect conjectures haha. How long do you think this fic will be? Have you got some sort of plan?

What is up with Mr Summers, and Madam Pince and everyone else like Sloan and Charles- ack! I know they're turning into Thralls or something but how are the council involved (WHO are the council?) and what's McGonagall going to do about it all? I hope we get to see Wren (and Albus) do badass things though- like save the day and stuff.

Okay on to Albus/Wren- they're just so cute! Poor Albus thinks Nate is going out with Wren and poor Wren, so distracted by Bunny and his consuming presence that she can't even think straight! I like your characterization of Albus, the genius but gentle boy and I like the dynamic between Albus and James. It's not like full on hatred like you get in some fics and it's not a loving, everything's perfect sort of relationship. I think you've developed a very realistic, canon like bond between the two. I love the 'stealing the map from each other' war they've got going on and I feel a bit sorry for Al, having to wear all those anti-hex bands, hopefully we'll see James mature a bit in the near future.

I rambled on a bit there, but I'm seriously awaiting an Albus and Wren kiss! It has to be during just the right moment though- we wouldn't want all this wait to end up leading to an anti climatic get together.
It's really nice to see Wren opening up to Albus and finally telling him a little bit about Bunny, and Albus is such a sweet heart for being so nice to Wren no matter what.

I'm a bit iffy about Rose, I like how you've given her such realistic flaws, something a lot of us can relate to. I've met a lot of self absorbed people, even i'm very self absorbed on occasion so in a lot of ways, I can't really judge Rose. You've given Rose the 'competitive, bossy nature' of her mother and 'clueless' nature of her father. But at the same time Rose IS loyal, Wren just had to be very upfront about her problems rather than wait for Rose to cotton on. I hope we see Rose playing a more active part in the whole rabbit ordeal but if not, I do like Rose because she's always talking about such teenagery things, it's like she's a nice reminder that they're all still young and hormonal haha.

Who else?? Scorpius! He's great really, I mean he does have slightly questionable morals seeing as he used Serena, but then again Serena uses boys just for her photography! Scorpius is a good best friend to Albus, his joking manner compliments Albus' more serious and grounded disposition. And in a lot of ways I think Scorpius and Rose would be nice together, I think their relationship is a lot like what Ron and Hermione experienced in their sixth year (Ron using Lavender like Scorpius did Serena) so it's quite cool seeing the parallels going on there.

This review is getting ridiculously long so i'll end it here, there's only two more chapters after this so do update soon! I'm really curious about how you're going to reveal the mystery to us all.

Thanks for a brilliant fic,

Mia x

Author's Response:

You are a three-layer cake with colored sprinkles!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to stop and comment on my story. It makes me happy that there are people who get sucked into it and can't put it down, but seriously, sleep is NOT overrated. Don't listen to the people who tell you otherwise. :P

Yes, there are lots of questions. Good thing you listed yours too, because I'm at the end of my fic and I wanted to make a list of things that I had to cover in order to wrap this up nicely. Most of your questions made it onto my list, so thanks for that!

Aww, Albus! I wanted him to be some normal kid, not with any real serious issues, but just someone that people can relate to . Everyone at this age thinks that their problems are the biggest/worst/most complex problems of all, and really, everyone is going through the same hardship of trying to understand themselves and the world around them. so I'm really happy that Albus' relationships with James and Scorpius feel good to you.

Yeah, I have some issues with Rose. I didn't do her character the justice that she deserved, so I'm planning some revising over the next month to strengthen her up a bit, make her more relatable and give her friendship with Wren the attention that it deserves. Not too much of a change, but enough that it's "there" instead of being "implied". It seems that no matter how much I think about things while I'm writing, I always miss SOMETHING. Revision is my friend.

I love Scorpius too. He's the easiest to write for me, mostly because he's already so comfortable with who he is, and he's not ashamed of himself. Though sometimes I think he should be. LOL!

I hope you get a chance to come back and read this when it's done. I'm going to put a blind completion date of end of July for this fic.

Thanks again for making my day brighter and leaving me such a lovely review!

Pix


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Review #3, by MargaretLane 

27th October 2014:
LOVE the way your portray the conflict in Wren's head - between her fondness for her rabbit, and ability to feel his unhappiness and her growing awareness that something here isn't quite right.

There are a couple of places in the chapter where you are missing chapter breaks. Not that it really matters, but thought I'd point it out to you.

This might be a personal preference, but I also feel you are using Albus and Wren's names rather a lot. As there is only one guy and one girl involved in the conversation, just saying "he" or "she" would make it clear who you're referring to.

Hmm, the question about whether the rabbit has got to Albus is an interesting one. I don't think he has really. I think the pull between them is just that of attraction. And I like her suspicion of it.

And I really like the comment about how she COULD do without Albus but didn't want to.

When Albus thinks that trying to come up with a reasonable excuse for his duel would be nearly impossible, you've put a small "t" at the start of "trying" even though it's the first word in the sentence.

I'm glad Wren's had a break from Bunny's influence. Hope it continues.

I still am wondering why some people are more affected by the rabbits than others. I've a feeling it's related to unhappiness. Or emotional turmoil or something like that. Most of the people affected seem to be people who have some kind of issues going on or people who aren't very happy.

Serena seems to have a bit of a one-track mind. It's like all she's interested in about the guys are how well they photograph.

I wonder what she's seen in the picture of Bunny. That is kinda creepy.

And poor Wren. Between the history of mental illness in her family (even if her grandparents was caused by a specific event and therefore unlikely to be hereditary), combined with her weird experiences with Bunny are enough to make anybody question their sanity.

Seems like Wren think Smeed is causing this when it seems like he's trying to prevent, even if it is only to prevent retaliation against vampires in general.

And yay, Gran seems to be getting better. I hope she's recovered.

Author's Response:

Oh hey!

Head conflict can be tricky, so it pleases me to no end that you got that bit about Wren.

I went back and fixed up some of those line breaks. I've been using Google Docs lately, and I have been putting my chapters back into Word for final editing. That seems to mess up the formatting and I end up missing things. Hope it's better now.

I hope Wren gets a nice break too. She's been through an awful lot and it's got to be hard when you have this thing in your head giving you all kinds of bad ideas.

Serena. That's her. I don't know what else to say about that, so I won't.

Yay for Gran's emergence! Though the timing might be a little off. Yes, poor Wren. She hasn't gotten many breaks in the story. She might not have it all right in her head yet, but she is getting more of a clue. Hopefully these characters can pull it together soon.

Thanks for your lovely words! I do appreciate them!


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Review #4, by BellatrixLover3 

26th October 2014:
Whoa! Quick question, I know this sounds stupid, but what is a thrall? Maybe I skipped that part, or you didn't describe it but I have no clue what a thrall is. Please explain, because I really like this book and do not want to spend the rest of it confused.

Author's Response:

Well, a thrall is supposed to be someone who willingly allows a vampire to feed off of them, but in this story, it got a little twisted.

Thanks for continuing to read my story!


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