12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell 

14th August 2015:

WHAT is THIS?!!! It is SO GOOD!!!

I'm really not overstating here. I am tremendously proud of you. This is amazing! I've always enjoyed reading your work, but I don't think I've read anything of yours since the early chapters of Upper Class, which I quite enjoyed, but this is like a whole new level. I liked your writing before, but you've grown so much since then. This is excellent.

Everything--your use of short sentences to convey the sharpness of Hermione's fear; your use of different phobia to split the sections; your portrayal of Ron's fear, the Healer's response, and Hermione's reaction? It is all ON POINT!


It only seemed to stop whenever I left the forest where I house was,
--Maybe, "where our house was"? Or "where the house was"?

Then there are these 4 places. You've used "for" in all these sentences, and in these cases it sounds a little antiquated. It might be better to replaces these "fors" with "because", "as", or "since".

-I never got it, for Ron quickly told me to let it go,

-not quite, for there were still some rays of light that softly illuminated the ground.

-It scared me more than anything did for that meant that I could not see what was out there.
[Here I might suggest actually rewording instead of switching out the "for". Like maybe "It scared me more than anything did. It meant that I could not see what was out there."]

-I did not listen, for I knew that I was not crazy.

Honestly I am just so amazed. This is sooo good. It's been one chapter, and I'm already hooked and loving it. I'm adding this to my favorites RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I must be back to read more.

Brava, Avi!


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Review #2, by bittersweetflames 

28th June 2015:
Okay, I just had to read this one. The most brilliant reason is because I have no idea what Tetraphobia is. -laughs- WELL, I certainly found out, didn't I? -rubs fastly beating heart- There is a certain sense of fear that I felt as I was reading this chapter. A fear that built up as more and more time passed and I wondered. What is going on? What is out there? Is there anything out there? :O -takes a deep breath- OK, WOW. I feel Hermione's paranoia and, certainly, I can feel how scared and vulnerable she is. And I am intrigued. How is it she is the only one who can hear it? Who can feel it? Is Ron just being oblivious or is it really just a figment of Hermione's subconscious? That you have written it this way really added an extra element of otherworldliness to this (even more otherworldly than Harry, which is about magic and is already quite fantastic on its own.) AND THEN I SCREAMED. Because what can be scarier than meeting someone's eyes. Someone you did not expect in the middle of a forest? NO, REALLY. (And I bet they were red too. Those scare me most, you know. RED EYES.) -runs to curl up into a ball-

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #3, by kenpo 

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

This story was fantastic. I'm such a fan of Hermione, and I'm such a fan of stories about mental illness (that sounds so weird. I'm not a fan of actual mental illness, I promise). Combining the two always feels like a story specifically written for me.

You wrote this so fantastically well. Just so well, so amazing. I could see Hermione slowly falling apart before me, and I could feel Ron's confusion, and not knowing what to do. I could feel her anger at him calling a Healer, and... it was just fantastic. Every emotion, and every reaction felt so genuine, realistic, and relatable.

Ooo and I can't close this review without mentioning that I liked the way that you structured it, showing how mental illness can have many layers, and how it develops and morphs into different things. You did a really fantastic job with this entire story, and I'm looking forward to reading on!


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Review #4, by Auroraphobia 

10th April 2015:
Hi Avi.

I'm Auroraphobia, and I've seen you around the forums and decided that it was time for me to read and review one of your stories.

I liked this story. It was great structured with the name of a fear before each part. I'm glad my name didn't pop up, because then those terrifying nothern lights would have to also. And I can stand nothern lights! I mean, what are they? What is their purpose? Not knowing means it could be something bad, so I'm not going to go anywhere near those blasted lights if I have any say in the matter!

Sorry, I got a little carried away there. Back to your story. I liked Hermione and Ron, and it was a welcoming (but still sad) sight to see the roles get a little bit switched. Normally I feel like Hermione is the one that tries to stay strong, and this time it's her falling apart and Ron trying to stay strong and think sensibly about it. That was nice!

It was intersting to see the fear develop from her not thinking much of it, to the fear of being followed, to fear of darkness, to fear of monsters in the darkness (but not in the literal sense, I think).

I also liked the description. I could practically see Hermione falling apart in front of my eyes, and Ron fighting to help her back to a good place. And I almost felt Hermione's fear, very much like my fear of nothern lights really.

But you can not end it this way. I'm going to have to come back later now in my real archive form (I have a secret identity to keep the northern lights away) to find out what happens.

Anyway, looks like I have to run. I've heard there might be nothern lights tonight, and I can't be out when it comes.

See ya later around the forums!


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Review #5, by The Hot Cross Bun Monster 

29th March 2015:
Ah, beware, The Hot Cross Bun has lurked away from its lair and its ready to attack your story!

Bahaha, how fitting that your story focuses on phobias as I know everyone suffers from Hot Cross Bun Monster phobia as I really am terrifying, I kid you not. I think I am personally responsible for how Hermione is chattering away at the end as I have frightened her into shock (though I must say, on a somewhat lighter note, as I do allow those sometimes, the way you captured her fear was very realistic as I have seen a multitude of panic-stricken people over the years).

Another thing which was highly enjoyable was Ronald's characterisation as he is at least somewhat brave and fights me head on. I suppose there is some hope for Hermione with the healers, but I must warn her, they have been trying to defeat me for some years so she may need to try a little harder.

Another thing which was quite delectable about this piece of fiction is the stylistic choices as they added to the chilling effect of the story. By highlighting the phobias and then relating the corresponding sections to them was quite ingenious and the use of the short, stilted sentences was another great thing as it added to the suspense of the chapter.

An excellent piece of work, if I haven't scared you too much I may return for the next chapter!

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Review #6, by Maelody 

13th January 2015:
This was simply amazing! And quite scary, too. Honestly, I really thought something would be resolved by the end, but instead I freaked out at the red eyes and shut my laptop! Seriously, this freaked me out!

I think so often we forget about the actual after effects the trio, or anyone from that final battle really, went through. I'd imagine some severe PTSD happened.

With the trio specifically, though, I feel for them the most. They continued to keep going in order to fight their own battles, and everyone else's. Hermione especially had to stay strong after being caught by the snatchers and brought to Bellatrix to be tortured.

Seriously though, in a very creepy way, this was beautifully written! You did an amazing job with this unique idea of a story, an amazing job with actually scaring me, and I loved it!


Author's Response: Hi Mae!

Argh! Such a surprise to see your review! I wasn't expecting it at all.

Hahaha, I am so sorry I freaked you out! But I suppose that's a good thing as well.
Yes, you're right. It's very common to forget it, and it just struck me and somehow inspired me to write this story. Hermione was tortured, and she was with Harry during their search for Horcruxes, where they were constantly afraid of being caught - that could damage you for some time. Even after the war.

Thank you so much for your review! It made me so happy, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it.

- Avi

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Review #7, by Rumpelstiltskin 

11th January 2015:

Ah! I loved this! I love that, with each new phobia, Hermione's state of mental well-being is declining more and more. The phobias are literally destroying her, causing her to become paranoid and unhealthy. Her response to each one of the phobias is absolutely fantastic, having the perfect balance of realism mixed with aspects of 'the horrific'.

One of my favorite aspects of this is that her fears absolutely consume her, keeping her from living normally. I mean, after facing what she had in the war, it's really no wonder that she would become paranoid, and start developing phobias (and if not her, others would have suffered some mental issues as well). I don't think that this aspect is brought up enough in post-war stories, which is what really made this story stand out.

YOU CANNOT END THIS HERE! That! That...is a cliffhanger! I need to know if Hermione is hallucinating due to her extreme stress brought on by her phobias, or if there is something else going on! I would love to see another chapter of this, because this is really great!

Loved it!


Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!

I am so glad you liked this! I had this on my laptop for quite some time, before handing it to a beta-reader. The timing was actually perfect, for the Slytherin Writing Challenge started and this story fell perfectly for Prompt 2.

Yes, I've noticed that it's something we writers sometimes overlook/forget, how the war affected them. They were on the run for a long time, and were close to death several times. It would be absolutely normal for them to get post-war traumatizes.

I WON'T END IT HERE. I promise! Because of your and the other's wonderful reviews, I've decided to change this into a Short Story instead of a one-shot! Yay. Now I just have to write the second chapter, I'll probably start on it by the end of February.

Thank you so much for your review! I loved it.

- Avi

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Review #8, by marauderfan 

11th January 2015:




*calms down*

This story - wow! I love the way you built it up, as it's natural that Hermione would be suffering after all she went through in the war. Perfectly normal. Like the Healer, and Ron, I assumed Hermione was just imagining things too, or you know like when your house is empty and you think you hear footsteps- scary, but you know it's not real. That's kind of how I imagined the rustling leaves that Hermione kept hearing.

You had me so convinced that it was all in her head - which, I might add, is scary enough, but then the PLOT TWIST ENDING completely threw me off and the fact that it IS something AND THAT I NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT IT IS!!! Or what happened to her! You left it off at the climax of the story and the unknown factor is the scariest part. Basically, this was SO well written and I'm sorry for all the extreme capslock but I'm really impressed with how you wrote this. Way to go!! 10/10

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Review #9, by Freda_and_Georgina 

29th November 2014:
Yes, it needs more. Like Hermione bragging to Ron that there was something out there. This is an amazing depiction of phobias and their effects without making the reader believe Hermione's lost it. I also love how you make Hermione's condition slowly worsen until it is to the point of an extreme phobia.

A very accurate telling of fears and how Hermione would react to them. Beautiful (though slightly frightening) story.

Author's Response: Hi Georgina!

Whee, such a surprising review. I love it.
Thank you so much for reading my story, and I'm so happy that you liked it!

I'm not sure if I have the skills to continue the story, but once I get the courage to do so, I'll definitely make a status about in the forum.

Thank you so much for your review!
And Happy New Year!

- Lostmyheart

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Review #10, by adluvshp 

2nd November 2014:
Oh dear, now I think it was a bad idea for me to read this at 1 AM. I feel kinda scared. Definitely sleeping with the lights on tonight xP

I saw your post in the Slytherin Fall Writing Challenge thread and decided to check out the story, and I don't regret it. This was a beautifully written piece. You got Hermione's voice so well. I especially loved the way you described all her phobias and stuff. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It seriously gave me the chills and I don't exaggerate when I say I am quite scared to open my curtains now haha.

All in all, brilliant brilliant one-shot. I really want to see more of this though, I want to see this grow into a short story perhaps and get to know more about this inhuman monster which only Hermione is able to sense. So please expand this!!


P.S. Adding to favourites xD

Author's Response: Hi Aditi!

You have no idea how happy this review of yours made me! Mostly because it was so unexpected, and I love those kind of reviews.
I may be evil, I don't know, but I'm so glad that you got scared :P
I actually re-read it a few times before posting it and I thought to myself that it wasn't scary enough, haha. So it's nice to see that I scared at least one reader :P

Thank you so much for your review! I love it to bits! I'll make sure to read your entry as soon as I can!

- Avi

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Review #11, by Lady Asphodel 

28th October 2014:
Hey Avi! I decided to read this because this did catch my interest! I really love the banner you made for this story by the way! I think it should be a permanent one... instead of "temporary." ;)

Anyways, moving on to this...

The sense of unease transitioning to paranoia was perfectly written!

For me, a person who has an immense fear of darkness, you wrote her feelings down to the t, because it's how I feel!

The bits with the phobia definitions are great touches to the story as well!

You also have the characterization for Ron and Hermione down. I love how she tries to reason things, (something she'd naturally do). Poor Ron! Having to see his wife (right? I'm assuming) go through that.

I think Ron should not have left her alone after that... With her paranoia continuously growing.

That cliffhanger though! You should add more to this! You can't leave me hanging like this! XD

Outstanding job with this overall! :D

- Asphodel

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Review #12, by Infinityx 

28th October 2014:
Ah, first review!

Avi, I don't even know what to say. This was amazing. Seriously, your writing is just beautiful and this was one of the best of your fics I've read.

I absolutely love how each section starts with the definition of a different phobia. That just added to the ominous effect a thousand times more. And every word in this chapter was filled with so much emotion and fear that my heart was racing and my head kind of got chills. It was that powerful.

Your characterization of Ron and Hermione are wonderful as well. I love how you've made out Ron to be such a caring person but still retaining those other qualities that distinguish him like when his skepticism shows so clearly in his expression.

And Hermione was just brilliant. You made an excellent choice to write this in first person because you captured her voice perfectly. She's got the immense fear as well as a certain bit of rational thought and questioning laced with it. And her reaction to Ron calling the Healer was a great touch. Also, when she gets to know the diagnosis, she doesn't panic but tries to figure out if that may be the reason. That was the best way to round of her character. You've nailed both the characters, man, topping it all off with an amazing writing style. How do you do it?

Seriously, love this. And the ending of the chapter was perfect. You MUST update this soon. I'm going to keep nagging you until you do. (you can do half of this and half of Upper Class for NaNo :P)

So, that's another one of your stories going into my favorites.

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