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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst 

19th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! Onward for another chapter!

GryCReMo (Review #22)

Yes, Wren, yes! For once, Bunny's fright should be bothering you. Talk about not being in touch with your instincts. If she tripped over a black cat and fell into a mirror, she'd probably run right out and buy some lottery tickets.

I really liked her creepy journey through the castle. Great mood material.

I am officially creeped out that Summers has a magazine article about Albus and his family. Probably not as creeped out as Albus, but creeped out nevertheless.

The confrontation in the kitchen is still really driving a wedge between the two of them, isn't it? Good thing they're teenagers. Shouldn't take very long to forget it ever happened.

Good job keeping the demon bunnies creepy. Beady eyes, fangs... they're the real deal.

Finally! Wren's being honest with somebody about what's been happening. And quite fortunate that Albus happened to be the one. There is hope for these two yet.

So, um... I couldn't help but notice that Summers is messing with the castle doors. A bit of foreshadowing, if I'm guessing correctly? Dillon is on his way.

And just as they're about to have A Moment, Albus faints. I have a bunch of different conflicting thoughts about the rabbit bite and his anti-hex arm bands. Even though they're preventing the healing spells from working properly, it's also possible that the arm bands are preventing the rabbit bite from causing greater harm. Or preventing the harm from spreading. Maybe if Dumbledore had been wearing anti-hex arm bands when he tried to use the ring horcrux, his hand would have fallen off and that would have been the end of it. Maybe I'm just rambling.

As the nurse rolled the gurney into position, Wren called out, "Take his pants off! Check all over!" -- Nice try, Wren. But Pomfrey was on to you. ;)

The old librarianís eyes reminded her of the baby rabbit monsters, dark and empty. -- So why, oh why, did you just leave Albus alone with the two of them??? Think, girl, THINK!

I don't know whether you'd call this a typo, but it read strangely:

Summers led them down an unfamiliar staircase that veered off to the right of the Potions Wing. It veered off to the right. -- That's a lot of veering.

I'm enjoying catching up on all of these chapter that I haven't seen since I beta read them. Back again soon!

Author's Response:

Hi Dan!

Onward it is! Poor Wren doesn't know which way is up anymore. She's just trying to keep one foot in front of the other at times.

Yeah, Summers might have too much time on his hands if he's reading those kinds of magazines.

LOL! Hopefully, they'll forget this whole story ever happened one day. It'd be like mass amnesia. "Tell us about your sixth year." "Erm... did we even have a sixth year? I think it started after Christmas."

Yep. Real. And Creepy. Just the way I like them.

Very fortunate that Albus was there at the right time finally. Small, minuscule steps. And ahh, the castle doors. You weren't supposed to see that bit... shhh!

It could have been a life saver, those arm bands, but they weren't invented yet, so alas, we lost Dumbledore. But really, I'm not too up on my hex band theory so I'm not sure if they actually work that way against ring horcruxes or not. Better take it up with McGonagall if you want a definitive answer on that one.

Yesh. Pomfrey has been hearing those lines for YEARS, I'm sure.

Hey, stop yelling at Wren. She's already having a hard enough time of it. It's not entirely her fault that she's hooked up on Bunny's mind meld and can't think straight.

Took care of that veering thing. Thanks. Didn't want any future readers to get vertigo when they go down those stairs.

Ah, it has been a little while, hasn't it? But then you do catch all the important stuff.

I'm enjoying these reviews! Thanks so much!


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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 

2nd August 2015:

I am here with your review!! Sorry it took me a tad bit longer than usual. I have been spending some quality time with my family! :)

Chapter 16:Oh that James Potter is always one upping poor Albus, but not this time! Well played! I love the back and forth between the two brothers. It always leaves me guessing on what antics they will come up with next. Oh and Dillon... what a sneaky guy he is... he could give James a run for his money. I liked that we got to see him interact with more people even though he is the bad guy. You're really doing an awesome job on giving the readers a full picture of what he's like. I felt bad for Maude and Harold since they were innocent people left to his disposal.

Chapter 17: This was a really long chapter packed with a lot going on. See it isn't just the boys that are up to no good it's the girls too. I love how they interact with one another. Trudy is just too funny! I can also see here that Wren is starting to understand things more although in a subtle way, things are really starting to get to the breaking point with her. Dillon pops into her mind, Bunny is talking to her through her mind it's craziness. I truly feel for her. While they are in the library I am glad that Wren takes pictures. Maybe then someone will believe her about things especially that Rabbit who seems like a homicidal maniac. I am glad that Albus is there with her and that he believes her. I feel like they have so much more to talk about than the continuous conversation that they always seem to have with one another. Once Dillon is out of the picture maybe. While I was reading this I had a Mr. Weasley moment pop into my head... "Never trust something if you cannot see where it keeps its brain." This is so true with your story! Finally she wants to tell her dad! Ian Sloan is awful then again, he is also being controlled.

Chapter 18:I felt really bad for Professor Longbottom. He has to deal with a situation that cannot be easy for any parent. I loved how you played into his love for plants and made them come into the story line. It kept it real for me as I was picturing him pondering what exactly he needed to do. The descriptions are great throughout this chapter. I also loved how you played into his past about no one taking him seriously when they should have and how he feels torn between Teacher, Dad, listening because of past experience. You really know Neville and it shines through in this chapter! I do not know what exactly to make of the odd bunch of Ian, Madam Pince and Mister Summers. They just seem like the type of people to fold easier than others. Yeah Wren has been bitten by Bunny, but you don't see her mind bending at Dillon's will like you see these three. Rose was super snotty. I'm sorry it just seemed liked she rubbed Wren's face in not getting caught and really I know that Rose has tired of asking what is wrong, but she really needed to this time. I am super glad that Wren finally felt comfortable to start explaining herself to them though. That is a step in the right direction. But then Rose flips to honest to goodness friend. I am really curious about the end of this chapter. You have captured my mind with Smeed and Burns. I am excited and anxious to find out how they will play into Dillon and Hogwarts and Crazy rabbits.

Chapter 19: This chapter was simply wow! I like Nate and hope that there is more to him than just a friend of Wren's... maybe even another story down the road, but he seems way more interested in the on goings of Wren's life. Maybe it is just me. One thing I did notice in this chapter when Wren and Nate are talking about the photos... You had two different spellings here: McCormack and McCormick. I do like how Nate knows... just tell him already Wren! :) Thank goodness for Wren and her camera. I could only imagine how great these photos will be later on... Poor Scorpius with the hit heard round the world! Holy Cow Rose! Then you add Headmistress McGonagall in the mix... hahahahaha Crazy kids. I wonder if she is thinking about retiring because of the Wealey/Potter bunch. I was a tad upset with Albus in this chapter though. I thought that he was cold towards Wren. He is insecure obviously, but I thought he may have taken it a bit far. Wren is just trying to be the same type of good friend he is. Thank you Rose for admitting that you like Scorpius. She is an odd duck! Oh no! There here!!!

Chapter 20: I felt very on edge while reading this. I could definitely get a sense of Wren's feelings especially since where I live we are getting a really bad thunderstorm. It totally added to the anxiety. I feel bad that they still have to attend this obviously bogus detention. I do NOT want them to go into those pipes... I am not sure what they will find, but it didn't bode well for Albus' dad and uncle when they went into the pipes!! I am really glad that this chapter gives them some quality time to talk even though they have to be in the pipes and cleaning and now are getting attacked by evil furballs! My goodness! They are just vicious little demons! Oh no!! Albus was bitten and now he's fainting! Good thing Wren was there. I do NOT trust Madam Pince!! I am nervous for Albus and Wren and of course everyone else.

These chapters were great. I didn't see any problems with the pace or flow and was able to keep track of what was going on. I also didn't see anything I would normally point out except the McCormack/McCormick thing. I really enjoyed the characterizations and seeing how they have all evolved as the story has continued and I really liked the descriptions. I felt as if I was there right beside the character going through the same feelings and motions they were.

Thank you so much for sharing and I cannot wait to read more!!


Author's Response:

Quality time is good. Welcome back!

James is a tricky one. He and Albus really did get along quite well before all this started. I almost feel sorry for them here. And Yes, Dillon is a fantastically bad houseguest. I really feel sad about Maude and Harold.

Haha, nah. Ian's awful all by himself. The rabbit just makes it worse. Hey, girls can get into trouble too, right? Wren really needs someone to believe her right now. Good thing Albus was around. And it's true, they have a lot more to talk about, but there are these things that keep getting in the way, and it's just so inconvenient!

Did I mention that I really like Neville? I think he'd be a great teacher and a good dad as well, but this is a pretty difficult situation that he's in. And Rose, well, she's not as good a friend as she thinks she is. Saying that you care and then actually caring can be two different things. I almost love Smeed as much as I love Neville... and the story almost became something different because of that. Ah well. Another time.

Ack, spellings! I'll give that a check over and fix it up. Thanks for catching it! Since Albus and Wren were having such a hard time connecting, and since Rose was all into herself, I thought Wren might appreciate an impartial party who will actually listen to her. Nate's a cool guy. There's a little more to him later. Yeah, a lot goes on in this chapter. It's stuffed so full that I could hardly get a lid on it.

I'm afraid that they didn't have too much time to talk, amidst the attack and all... too bad, because they might have gotten further along without all the interruptions. Silly rabbits!

Thanks so much for what you're doing here! I really like this review style, and it moves us along in the story a lot faster too, so there's not this gap between things happening from one chapter to the next.

Till next time!


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Review #3, by MargaretLane 

2nd October 2014:
Poor Wren. She seems very shaken by this whole thing.

And I like the way you mention it again later on. It draws attention to the fact she's still dealing with that panicyness, even while other things are happening, which is easy for the reader to forget.

OK, I'm not quite sure what that rabbit is all about. It's definitely REALLY creepy. And I wonder if Summers sent them there on purpose because of the rabbit being there.

*cheers for Wren managing to fight off Bunny's demands* I don't know whether it is the right or the wrong thing to do in this situation, but at least she doesn't seem to be completely in thrall anymore and that has to be good.

I'm wondering now if the bite will have some kind of effect on Albus or if it was just getting blood.

And it seems like some of the things Bunny is telling her are helpful. This is getting weirder and weirder. Poor Wren. She's having a REALLY rough time.

I'm not sure the fact she's defending Bunny is a good thing though.

LOVE the comment about Madame Pince reminding her of the monsters. It's so wonderfully creepy.

I'm glad Albus is OK and that Wren is thinking that maybe she shouldn't let Bunny close to her.

Author's Response:

I think anyone would be shaken by that, but that's just me. :) I'm trying to get Wren to start thinking (more) clearly now, but it's hard because she's still partially under the influence of Bunny. The difference is that she is aware of it, which helps.

It's all my fault. I set up all these convoluted, twisty story mechanics, and now I'm paying for it. It's incredibly difficult to keep things straight and show what needs to be shown without confusing the heck out of people. Sigh. Okay, next time, it will be a straight-up thing with no complications...

*looks at next WIP*

Uh oh.

Thanks for coming back for another chapter! I love your reviews!

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Review #4, by BellatrixLover3 

1st October 2014:
I love it! I hope Albus is okay! I finished my story Dark Heart, and I am continuing it in a sequel, The Final Curse of Fate! Please update soon!

Author's Response: Hi again!

I hope Albus is okay too. He's too sweet to get sucked into things... ahh, maybe that was poor word choice there.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, and congrats on finishing your story!

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