20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell 

13th September 2015:
Hello there! I'm here reading through all the Dobby nominations--and I do believe some congratulations are in order! Well done!

I can certainly see why you're up for best descriptions. The writing style you use has a poetic quality to it, and it fits very well in the time period. It also fits your protagonist, who is obviously quite intelligent and would have an advanced vocabulary like that, and seems introspective enough to notice all the details.

I find the religious elements interesting. It's rare that I see people trying to tackle that around here, so I'm curious to see what you'll do with it. It makes sense, though. I mean, nowadays it's common for people to be atheist or agnostic, but back in the 10th century, I'd think most people would have adhered to some sort of faith--some of them truly, and perhaps some of them more culturally, but still. So that's a rather realistic tack to take, really. Of course, wizarding culture might have differed some, but since it's before the Statute of Secrecy cut them off from one another, I'd think there'd be a fair amount of religious, philosophical, and intellectual exchange between Muggles and wizardkind.

Helena's lack of self-confidence is really tragic. It sounds like her mother is a real piece of work. It's all highlighted by how she describes Eleanor--almost worshipfully. It makes me sad for Helena, that she can't see herself in anywhere near as positive a light.

And speaking of light, I'm a bit of a names geek, and I couldn't help but notice that Helena and Eleanor are different forms of the same name, both meaning "light". Was that intentional? It seemed like it might have been.


So, as a rule, I always try to give a little CC, because I find it tremendously helpful, as a writer. I only noticed a couple little things.

Even at seventeen years of age, tales of my father is the only thing which soothes me to sleep.
--it seems like this should be, "tales of my father are the only thing that soothe me to sleep," since "soothe" matches up with takes, which is plural.

Do not ever destroy, because not even wit could save you then.
--it seems like it might be good to say, "Do not ever destroy it, because..."

You've got a well-written, highly descriptive first chapter here, and I'm interested to see where you go with it. I'm sometimes a bit reluctant to read fics about Helena, because it ends in such tragedy, but you're doing a good enough job with this that my curiosity might just overwhelm my emotional self-preservation ;) On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello there and thank you!! ♥

Thank you so much! I definitely had a lot of fun with the descriptions in this story as it was my first ever Founders one so writing the period features was great and I was influenced a lot by Virigina Woolf so it was fun to incorporate her style into the story

I know, I've always wondered about magic and religion as magic does feature heavily in religion and given how the Church was heavily involved in the witch-hunts in Europe as a verse in the Bible supposedly encouraged there is that link there. But I wanted to explore the link the other way round if that makes sense and see how the magical community was involved in religion hence why it plays such a big role in this story.

I know, Helena is a rather lonely and sad character and does make one feel sorry for her even if it has meant that she's developed some rather strange characteristics at times.

Erm, sort of, I chose Eleanor as I liked how it rhymed with Helena and it showed another way of them being together but mostly because of Eleanor of Aquitaine as I always liked her from history and she reminded me a bit of this Eleanor.

Yes, those bits of CCs were very useful so thank you for them!

Thanks for this fabulous review actually, it was much appreciated! ♥


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Review #2, by HeyMrsPotter 

11th September 2015:
Hi, Kiana! I'm here for Dobbys reading week! Congratulations on your nomination :)

This is such an intense first chapter. It feels very authentically founders(ish) era right away. Not only is the language perfect but it's also in the way you talk about God, and Helena burning in hell for her sin of being in love with another woman.

That one paragraph where you talk about the children of the founders sums them all up so perfectly. Slytherin's children are there to help him achieve his ambitions, my darling Hufflepuff loves all the students as her own, Godric and his army of children, and then Rowena with one daughter who just isn't smart enough. You could have taken out the names and I still would have known who was who. And I've already developed a total soft spot for Helga which has nothing at all to do with me being a Hufflepuff :p

I'm so intrigued as to what will happen between the girls now that their feelings are out. I can't wait to read on!


Author's Response: Hey Dee! Thank you :D

Aw, thank you so much as that's such a big compliment because you know what the Founders era is like when it comes to authenticity as you just need to be so careful unlike with the other eras.

Aw, thank you so much! It is quite funny how they use their children to further their aims but go ahead and develop a soft spot for Helga as she's so lovely and a constant throughout this story so she deserves all the soft spots.

Thanks for this great review!


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Review #3, by navyfail 

16th July 2015:
Hey, Kiana! I'm here from the Blue versus Bronze battle!

First off, I love the title of your story. It reminds me of Julius Caesar and even though I'm not a Shakespeare person I do love finding references. And the quote at the beginning of your story... I loved it!

I've only ever reader one or two stories that take place in the Founders era, so I'm pretty new to this time. I like how you took a new approach to Helena Ravenclaw with the slash. I think it makes this story intriguing. Also your writing style reflects her character very well. You can right of the bat tell how Ravenclaw she is since she analyzes a lot and thinks in similes and metaphors. I also love how you used repetition. It worked really well. And your description... how do you do it? It's absolutely amazing!

I have a feeling Eleanor has something up her sleeve... I don't know why. Maybe it's because Helena isn't known to have a happy ending.

Lovely story!

(Team Bronze)

Author's Response: Hey there Sama!

Hahaha, yes, his death certainly did inspire me considering how Helena ends up dying!

I'm glad that you liked this new approach to it as Slash is so popular nowadays but I've never ever read a Founders one so I thought it would be fun to try it out. Aw, I'm glad you think the writing style fits with it. Hahah, yes, she is most definitely a Ravenclaw and wasn't just placed there because of who her mother is. Aw thank you for your kind words! I'm not sure how I do it, I just write!

Oooh, I would just say wait and read on as Eleanor might not be the one to watch ;)

Thanks for this fantastic review! :D


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Review #4, by Beeezie 

10th April 2015:
Hey, Iím here for BvB! Youíve been leaving me such awesome reviews on CINAS, so Iím really happy I can get in after you and start to return the favor. ♥ (Especially since I love reading Founders fics, though I havenít had the courage to try to write one yet.)

Then I clicked into the first chapter and realized that this story was about Helena being in love with another woman, and I was sold. Yes please.

I loved your characterization of Helena on so many levels. The picture she paints of herself and the place she occupies relative to the Founders and their children is fascinating, and it makes a lot of sense given what we know about Helena and her mother in particular. Itís tough to know how much of this is in her head and how much of it is reality, but either way, the frame of mind youíre showing makes a lot of sense in the context of her running away.

The mention of her Muggleborn father is also intriguing, because it really does bring up so many questions for me! Itís interesting to see hints of how the old prejudices played out back then, especially in the context of religion - IIRC, this is around the time when Christians are burning witches and wizards, right? Iím wondering whether that plays a part in Rowenaís hostility toward it.

And Eleanor.

I love how enchanted Helena is by Eleanor, and I found the way her social status and understanding of her fatherís religion are shackling her to be heartbreaking. I could see Eleanor in my mind, because your description of her was so wonderful, and I was a little enchanted, too! Iím glad Eleanor does seem to return the feelings, and I think that her initiating something goes very well with her family lineage and House - fortune favors the bold, after all!

This was lovely. Iím definitely going to find time to read more of it. ♥

Author's Response: Hey there Branwen! Aw, thank you, I'm glad that you decided to read it as I know not that many people are interested by it as they think Founders stories are kind of meh.

Whoo, thank you, I thought it would be an interesting thing to explore as it's mentioned in so many other eras but rarely in this one.

AW, thank you! I know, I think she will always be judged differently from the Founders children as she's an only child and she can't confide in others what it's like to be a daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. I think naturally as a Ravenclaw too, she's more likely to be withdrawn and quieter, but I do think quite a lot of this is just in her head.

Haha, I'm actually studying witch-hunting in history right now so I'll be able to answer this for you. The peak of the executions was 1560-1660, and that was when there were mass witch-hunts and a real sense of terror in the populace, however, they did occur before but they were much more sporadic and they weren't known for running rampant.

Aw, I'm glad you like her too as these two do have a very special place in my heart. I'm so glad that you did like her and you were able to imagine her as I sometimes wonder if the idea of Eleanor is lost in all these mystical descriptions of her. Hahah, yes, her family lineage and House will definitely motivate for the rest of the story.

Thanks for this fantastic review! ♥


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Review #5, by ForeverHogwarts1 

3rd February 2015:
Little slow at first but I'm very interested to see where this goes. I like your styling of writing, it's very interesting!

Author's Response: I hope you can on reading as I would love to know what you think, and thanks for the review! :D

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Review #6, by Lululuna 

26th January 2015:
Hi Kiana! :D Woohoo I'm so excited to read and review this story because it has so much of what I love best - history, founders, drama, lurve and your beautiful writing!!

And wow, the writing here is truly spectacular, Kiana. It's both ornate yet natural for Helena and I really felt like I was soaking up every word. I think the use of "you" throughout really enhanced that because it made it feel like reading a love poem and reminded me of the way poetry was written so often back in the day.

I like how right away, Helena uses the word "sickening." In some ways I feel like she says it because she feels that she is sinning, but more importantly it shows the unhealthy nature of her obsessive love. Her emotions are so strong that they make her sick and that definitely has dangerous potential and even hints to her eventual bloody end.

I love the focus on religion as well, it definitely makes sense that wizards would have been interested in religion at the time. Also, I liked how religion was an issue of contempt between Helena and her mother, since it tends to be so divisive even today. It was neat how she bonded with religion originally because it reminded her of her father, and I liked how she romanticized these ideas about him and how her life might be different if her father was alive. I felt so bad though when she thought that even her father must have liked Eleanor better because it shows how she really has no sense of self worth.

This is such an interesting take on Helena with how she feels like an outcast and like she's not good enough. It fits really well with her ghostly portrayal in canon and I'm excited to see it get to that point.

I do feel like Eleanor seems a bit manipulative of Helena, and I'm worried about how it will play-out because the relationship is in danger of being one-sided: especially considering how obsessed Helena is. I'm sure that either way, the story is going to end tragically.

This was so beautifully written, Kiana, and I'm so excited to keep reading! :D

Author's Response: Hey Jenna! :D

Aw, thank you so much! I really enjoyed writing this because the story meant I could be all elaborate with my descriptions without it being weird, so I'm so glad that you liked it too!

Helena definitely does have a very negative view towards her love in this chapter but I guess as she's the only one who knows about it, and has no one to confide about it with, it becomes all-consuming so she doesn't know if it's right or wrong anymore.

I'm glad that you liked it as I always did think that the Founders era characters would be more religiously inclined than other ones. I know, Helena really doesn't have any confidence and it does make me wonder what she would have been like if her father was still alive, I think probably a lot more sure of herself as she wouldn't just be under Rowena's control.

I'm glad that you liked the whole outcast take, as Ravenclaws always do seem to be quite odd and more prone to the loner stereotype than other houses.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, I can't really comment about how Eleanor will be in the rest of the story but you definitely are right about it being tragic but I suppose that's quite natural given how Helena is a ghost in the books. :P

Thanks for this amazing review, Jenna! ♥


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Review #7, by Butterbeer Cutmeslack 

25th December 2014:
I've made the choice of leaving Tinley and Wood to stew in each other's cloying company while Weasley sulks in the corner. Instead, I have come to view another story of yours, perhaps even dissect it a little. I do have a fondness for autopsies, after all.

I must say that I like this. It's certainly different from Tinley's tattlings, and I enjoy the diversity of your writing and characters. I'm also confident that there's a murder hidden somewhere in this star-crossed lovers' tale between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.

Secret rendezvous in the forest? Mark my words, no good will come out of secret meetings. Especially when Ravenclaw doesn't think to cover her tracks, and I mean this in the most literal manner possible. Somehow, she finds leaving footprints in the snow romantic, beautiful.

But I'm invested in your characters, and in the plague-ridden, ridiculously superstitious era they inhabit. So well done. I must grudgingly admit that you've got my interest. I think I'll continue to invest myself in this story.

Butterbeer Cutmeslack

Author's Response: Hello Butterbeer!

I think it's perhaps it's better that you leave those two to themselves for a while as too much love is going on, and this is quite a different story to analyse.

It is certainly very different from Tinley's mumblings but I am very glad that you did enjoy it anyhow. Also, I must say that there is going to be a murder too, albeit towards the very end so that should prove satisfactory to you too.

Hmm, but it's for love so all good can come out of it if you just believe in it. Open your heart Butterbeer and you will understand the beauty and romanticism of the footprints, Butterbeer, you need to learn how to love!

Why thank you as I know science and rationality were not particularly important in this era so that must be hard for you to cope with. Thank you for this fantabulous review! ♥


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Review #8, by MargaretLane 

20th December 2014:
Ho ho ho, here for the Ravenclaw gift tag.

Hmm, I like the line in italics at the beginning. I wonder who is supposed to be speaking it - Helena or somebody else.

Helena is such an interesting character. We don't know that much about her and what we do know seems a little...not contradictory exactly, but not fitting together neatly - she was rebellious enough to steal from her mother, yet she also seems a quiet, studious type of character. So there are many ways to interpret her. Looking forward to seeing how you do it.

Hmm, I've read her as being gay before actually. I like the way she feels so conflicted over it, since she is living in a time when it probably wouldn't be acceptable at all.

And I like the idea of Gryffindor having a daughter. At least I assume that's who she is. We know so little about the Founders' families. All we know is that at least Ravenclaw and Slytherin had kids.

Poor Helena. I can already see why she might be driven to steal the diadem, when she is made to feel inferior for not being wise enough. Rowena does not come across as a very attractive character here.

You write almost poetically. Your use of language is absolutely beautiful. Love the part about the ebony imprint in the snow.

Poor girl. That part about how she doesn't often experience being liked is so sad.

And the conflict between her thanking God for allowing this to happen while at the same time worrying about it being sinful.

Author's Response: Hi there!

With the italics at the beginning, I envisaged it as almost Helena from the future, as a ghost, and that was how she truly felt at that time.

I'm so glad you found Helena interesting and you did a really great analysis of her as I never truly thought about her in that way. I suppose it stems from the way her mother treated her and how her mother loved her but then almost abused so Helena reacts like that too.

Ooh, that's interesting as I didn't think that slash founders stories were that popular.

Yes, she is Gryffindor's daughter and their relationship is explored more later on and he does have an extended family too.

No, Rowena really isn't a pleasant character and their relationship only deteriorates throughout this story rather than grow to be better so her reasons for taking it become more and more obvious throughout.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me! ♥

Thank you so much for this great review, it was very insightful and it was interesting to read your thoughts! :D


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Review #9, by tangledconstellations 

19th December 2014:
Hey there! ♥
It's Laura from TGS.

I absolutely loved reading this first chapter, so amidst the enthusiasm I'll try to address your areas of concern too :)

I was really intrigued with this fic. I always find Founders fics really interesting and somehow more magical and ethereal than any other time. I guess its the archaic tone and style - it just sends you to a totally different world. Anyway, along this vein, you did not disappointment. The little things are really important when writing a historical-fic - even just down to clothes details and style of talking. You totally nailed it. Even things like the conservative, measured way of thinking...it felt very 'old' (not as in age!) and appropriate to the time period. I think Helena is a really special character to use, too. She's somehow veiled - which adds to the mysterious and archaic tone. I guess it sets us apart from her a bit - which is why Founders fics and historical fics are great; we can't immediately relate, but it's the common, human threads that draw us in. Really, really lovely.

I loved the way you dipped into Helena's past, but not too heavily either. You gave us enough information to spark our imagination and to tentatively tug us along in the direction you wanted to take us with regards to her background. Having her father as a clergyman is a really unique aspect to dwell on. It links the historical setting right back up to the religious connotations of the time, and obviously as Helena is in love with someone of her own gender that would cause some conflicts. This is a bit of a work-in-progress point, but... I was just about to write that I thought maybe Helena would have reacted differently about her sexuality - perhaps have been more confused and uncertain, maybe in denial to an extent? I don't know how right I am to suggest this though, because on the other hand I guess feelings like that come about due to a religious or social context of the time putting pressure on someone. And, if religion isn't overly prevalent in her life as a witch then maybe it's not something she would have been too concerned with. But, I don't know. I'm rambling a bit, but it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this in the response section! Just something to think about after all :)

I really didn't think Helena was too whiny in this first chapter, so you don't have to worry! I feel like you've started the chapter at a good point. She's already noticed Eleanor, so she's established this affection that we're gradually understanding. It cuts out a lot of time for the reader to potentially become uninterested - but not in a horrible way! I just mean that strategically starting here means you have nothing to lose - Helena's affection doesn't have to be justified or warmed to. It's a love that just exists. It makes it feel as though her feelings have always existed, transcending the spatial limits your story's set up. In some areas Helena is very persistent with portraying how lovesick she is and I can understand how you would be concerned that she is 'whiny', but again I feel like this adds to her desperation.

To me though, one thing that does feel a little off is Eleanor's immediate positive response tied in directly to her introduction. I felt like maybe there needed to be more of a build up, more of a hesitation, to justify Helena's intensity and severe doubt - maybe more evidence of Helena believing to have been ignored by Eleanor. I feel like as a reader we haven't yet spoken to Eleanor or had her interact with us or Helena. We're not sure what to expect, and so having a pause or a stunted scene before meeting by the forest and before the really lovely climax of the chapter (with the gorgeous and subtle "Enchanting," bit!! ♥) would make Eleanor's attitude more realistic. I really hope that made sense - I just read it back and I don't think it does, haha! I just mean that before she calls out to Helena, to tell her to meet her by the forest, maybe there should be something else, something before, just to stagger it. I feel like the forest scene is beautiful and not overdressed at all and should be left as is, but MAYBE something should be before they first mention it. Again, let me know what you think! It's just an idea, and I haven't yet read the second chapter, so maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here :)

Ultimately, your writing style is really beautiful, and it's truly the biggest strength of this first chapter, and one of the things I want to emphasise most! I love reading fics where it's obvious the writer cares about it and enjoys writing. It makes you want to carry on, to give them the time to understand what they are saying and showing us. Indeed, we haven't really been introduced on tgs yet! But I think this is a great fic for me to start with when reading your stuff - I'll most definitely be on the look out for more of your stories on the archives :) good job on such an awesome first chapter. Now, on to the second! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura, thank you for this wonderfully detailed review, it was much appreciated as it was so lovely and useful! ♥

Aw, thank you so much as that's something I always personally love about Founders story as it just makes it so much more magical and special to read so it's great to see that you thought it was like that, as I suppose that was another big fear about writing in this era and it's sort of what put me off writing it for so long. Yeah, I get what you mean about Helena being a little veiled as we know who her mother is and she has such definitive traits but her father and the impact of the other Founders on her was always unknown so it was a lot of fun to delve into that and see what it could potentially be, so I'm so glad that you liked that.

I'm glad that you liked the dips into Helena's past, as I didn't want them to be the centre point of the story as that's much more about Eleanor and Helena, however, given what a unique person Helena is, it's sort of necessary to know what happened to her before to figure why she is like that. I totally get what you mean about how she reacts to her sexuality, because I think with Helena it's a little different as she doesn't think she is a lesbian per sey but rather she loves Eleanor, so it's a little different so I wanted to focus on her love for Eleanor rather than anything else. I will definitely take what you said into account though, and I think I will add more confusion in as it will add more to her character.

Phew, I'm so glad that Helena's character was fine as she's so different to anything I have ever written before and the fact she's a founders era character too makes it even more complicated, so yeah, I think you can understand why I had a few worries. :P Ooh okay, it's good to know that about her love for Eleanor wasn't too ott because it's rather fun writing all this unrequited love as you can be all poetic so I tend to get carried away and write too much of it. :P

I totally get what you mean in regards to Eleanor, as I just couldn't get her reaction right as I only wanted this to be a shortish story I didn't want to dwell on the chase too much and I always knew she loved Helena too, but I just wasn't so sure how to write so that scene has always left me a bit meh (if that makes sense, and btw what you said definitely did make sense!). But I really like your suggestion and it was really helpful as I definitely do think it will add with the flow and transition of the story a lot more so I'll add it in now and hopefully that will help it! :D

Aw, thank you so much, you are so lovely that you're making me blush right now! This story definitely is my baby as it's probably the one where the style has mattered more than anything else which is why I love it so much so hearing that has made me waay too happy. Yay for starting to get to know each other and I'll have to check out some of your stuff too now!

Thanks for the fab review too! ♥


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Review #10, by teh tarik 

10th December 2014:
Hey Kiana! ♥

Ah ah I've been wanting to read this story for AGES ever since you posted it up but gah, look how awful I am. -hides- OK, this fic has pretty much all the things I love: slash, Founders, religious elements, and your lovely writing!

Gah, I absolutely loved this first chapter: Helena's POV, and how she sometimes directly addresses Eleanor in her narration, and your imagery and descriptions were gorgeous. I love the details of Eleanor's dress, the footprints like stains in the snow, and I love the whole delicate exchange between Eleanor and Helena in the forest. ♥ I can't wait to see how their relationship develops!

I also love how you reveal the details of Helena's family life, and the references to the Founders. Rowena seems harsh and cold in Helena's eyes, and her absent father is quite a mysterious and intriguing figure; I do hope we learn more about him, and of the rift that drove Rowena and Salazar apart! Also, what happened with Salazar? I'm wondering if there was anything between Salazar and Rowena, since Helena is not allowed to think of Salazar...

And of course, I find the change at the end of the chapter very intriguing, when Helena's perspective on religion changes: from her guilt and fear of damnation to thanksgiving to the Almighty. I have a feeling that things won't be so easy for her, though...

Fabulous start, Kiana! ♥ I can't wait to read the next chapter. :)


Author's Response: Hey teeeh! ♥

Aw, thank you so much, you are too lovely but I have been awful with updates for this story so you really haven't missed too much. :P

Aw, thank you so much, writing those two was way too much as I could be all historical and poetic which you can't really do in other stories but I feel so much more at home in that story, this is probably one of my favourite stories for that reason.

You definitely will learn more about Helena's father as he is very central to how Rowena is and why there was a rift between her and Salazar so there should be a lot more exciting to come. And yes, you're already getting your predictions about there being things between Salazar and Rowena.

No, her religious views definitely don't make things easy for her and she's in a constant battle with what she thinks religion means and what it could potentially mean so it was really interesting to write!

Thank you for this fantabulous review, teh! ♥


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Review #11, by Aphoride 

6th December 2014:
Hey Kiana! Stopping by for BvB! :)

So, honestly, I have no idea why I wasn't here before now. Seriously. I mean, this is right up my alley - all the history, and the original pairing, and your beautiful writing... genuinely no idea whatsoever.

Anyway, this is gorgeous. I love the way this is written, with this beautiful, flowing style, and with all the description. It's so lovely - it really brings the whole thing to life, with Helena's feelings so clear and so stark because of it. The details you include are amazing, too - and so good! Founders is a difficult era, with all of the historical elements, but you've woven them in so easily, it's incredible. I love the little references to wool from Flanders, and Salazar having two heirs and a daughter 'to marry off at his will'. They're so, so good :)

I loved all of the religious references, too! I've written one story with religious references, and I have characters in others who are religious as well, and it's always something I'm so scared of writing, you know, because it's so personal, but you do it so well in this. All the little mentions of it are so perfectly placed, they enhance the feel of the era and all, without drowning it, and they lend this sort of solemn weight to Helena's voice, which suits her character so well.

The characterisation is so great, too - though I kinda expect that from you, having read so much of your other stuff :P I love how Helena feels so much less, than everyone else really, and how Rowena is somewhat demanding as a mother, and how Helena just wants to be liked and loved. It's such a sad situation, and yet it's easy to see how she might end up stealing the Diadem.

Also, I loved the little mention of Helena's father, and how he was a priest. Such a lovely way to bring in the religious element! :)

So yes, as always with everything you write, this is gorgeous. I will have to come back at some point to read more of this... :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Laura, I'm so glad that you stopped by as this review was really lovely!

Aw, thank you so much that means so much to hear you say that as I think the era and the writing which comes from it played a big part in how this story ended up being written. Thanks again for that comment, but I love history waayy to much so writing all those little details in was so much fun and I had to be careful that I didn't actually get too carried away with them. :P

It's great talking to someone who understands as it's such a touchy subject you do really have to be careful about how you write it as I don't want to offend anyone, so I'm so glad you thought it was okay. I thought it would be quite central to Helena's character as religion was just such a big part of society at that time, it felt right to interlink it into her in this story too.

Aw, thank you so much again, Laura, you really have been so lovely in this review! I know it's quite rough on Helena having to deal with that on top of her other issues, but as you'll find out later on Rowena has her own issues so it's not entirely her fault that she treats Helena like that.

Thanks for such a fab review, it really did make me smile! :D


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Review #12, by BookDinosaur 

6th December 2014:
BvB review battle!

Hey, Kiana! I feel like I haven't read any of your stuff in ages so here I m to have a look at your new story and I am super glad that I decided to! Congrats on writing in all the eras as well, that's a pretty big achievement!

Honestly, the first thing that I have to comment on is the religion - it reminds me quite a lot of something like The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory, with all the references and the fear of God and Hell - I haven't read any Virginia Woolf stuff, which is something I need to remedy. Anyway, all the mentions of religion was something I found really realistic overall, and while it could easily have been over-the-top I think you managed to strike the perfect balance. Not overdone, but mentioned enough to be noticed, so major kudos to you for that!

The way that you wrote was really poetic and just perfect, your choice of words was really lovely throughout the chapter, and the whole thing was really atmospheric - I think the only thing I can even mention as CC is that there are a couple of run-on sentences which disrupt the flow a little, but it's pretty minor and definitly doesn't have a huge impact on the overall style of the piece.

Ugh, I'm so glad you chose to write a femmeslash relationship in this era! I mean, you're definitely right in that it'd probably be very very frowned upon, and that the religion just wouldn't condone it at all, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how this whole thing plays out - plus, I'm a total sucker for the whole 'forbidden romance' angle, so I'll definitely be sticking around for this. :P I can definitely see how this relationship develops and being the reason that Helena is set against marrying the Baron though, that's definitely going to be interesting when the time comes!

Aw man, I feel sorry for Helena as well, with Rowena as a mother. I can definitely see Rowena as one of those mothers who expect their kids to achieve exactly the same things as she has, and all your other Founder characterisations are believable as well, Godric as the affectionate dad, Helga as the Aunt to everyone and Salazar just being quiet and mysterious in that quiet mysterious way he has. ;)

The language you use when the characters speak is really well done too, not completely incomprehensible as Old English would probably be but not quite moderns and having an oldschool feel to it somehow. You're so good at creating atmosphere, tell me your secrets!

This was a completely amazing first chapter and I'm so glad that I got off my lazy horse and read it because it's beautiful! ♥

Author's Response: Hey Emily, thank you for this amazing review! :D

Aw, thank you so much, I really did love how Philippa Gregory explored it so much in all of her stories so it definitely inspired me to do the same and it was so much as you can really explore it from so many perspectives which makes it so interesting to write about! I'm so glad that you didn't find it was over-top though as I do have to admit, that was a big worry of mine!

Aw, thank you so much again, that means so much to me though I do have to credit to the wonderful Virginia Woolf for inspiring that. Thanks for pointing that out, I actually haven't edited this chapter since posting it back in August so maybe this is a sign I need to!

Aw, thanks, ha very very frowned upon is still probably putting it lightly given how some people still think it's very taboo nowadays, but I'm glad that you're excited about this as it means a lot to me. Yay for forbidden romance too, it's so much fun and it definitely does play a big part in why Helena refuses to marry the Baron as you can guess.

I know, it must be a lot of pressure to have her as a mum as she's achieved so much herself and then she probably expects her daughter to do similar things, so she needs a lot of love and sympathy to make up for it!

Aw, thank you so much, I just tend to copy authors who I admire because I figured they must be getting it right if I liked it so much, so you could always try that!

Thanks so much for this amazing review, it really put a smile on my face! :D ♥


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Review #13, by lia_2390 

22nd October 2014:
Hi Kiana,

I'm so so sorry this review is so late!

I thought this story was enchanting, to use one of your own words, and poetic. It is very interesting to have a slash pairing set in such a time were people were punished for much less.

Helena's characterisation is my favourite. She is so much different from the brave, sharp-witted young woman we are used to. She even sees it herself. Use of the bible and the concept of witchcraft fascinates me the most in this story. It's not that her attraction might drive her to the fiery pits of hell, but in that same book...the same chapter, I believe, witchcraft and divination are also condoned. I suppose she didn't read that :P

This is a stunning representation of unrequited love being successful. Of so called brave attempts not ending up as failures. Honestly, this could be my head canon for why she didn't want to marry The Baron and how they both meet their end. Seriously, Kiana, I'd so ship it.

I'm glad we had the exchange :)


Author's Response: Hi Lia!

Don't worry about it, I know what life can be like!

I'm so glad that you liked the language as it was inspired by the literature of the time as that seemed to be so much more poetic than it is now.

I'm so glad that you liked her, as it's probably the most controversial characterisation I've ever done but I've had so much fun with it at the same time. Yes, I suppose she just manipulated it for her own use :P

Aw, thank you so much the reason for why she didn't marry the Baron is explored in the next few chapters as he did make an appearance so I hope you like the reasons why!

Thanks for such a great review, Lia! :D


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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57 

5th October 2014:
Hi Kiana! :D

I'm here for the October BvB Review Battle, and I'm totally in awe of you right now. Like, oh my gosh. This story has everything that I needed, and the funny thing is, I never knew that I needed these things until I read this chapter.

*ahem* Let me explain. I luuurrrve the Founders era, and congrats to you for the tremendous accomplishment of writing in all of the eras! And right now, I'm really into medieval British Literature and how... interesting it was, and the interweaving of Christian doctrine in here really reminds me of all that. And VIRGINIA WOOLF IS THE BEST. Srsly. I love her.

So really, I can't even wait for the next chapter to be posted. Can you please update soon? *bats eyelashes*

Your descriptions and word choices leave me speechless. I love the way Eleanor is so deified in Helena's eyes, so ethereal and such a distant, unattainable thing. There is so much power in what you're writing about, and the language of her longing is so beautiful that I almost hoped that Eleanor wouldn't return her affections, just so that the sad, sweet longing could continue. But it's probably better now that they've confessed to each other, honestly. :)

And Rowena! Ugh, I wish that she would be more affectionate to her daughter, but she's so incredibly focused on her own achievements... That's one of the pitfalls of being a Ravenclaw sometimes--you forget how to show affection when you're in the midst of being brilliant. :/

And I loved the descriptions of all the Founders and their children--I can totally picture Gryffindor being this ridiculous paramour, with children born out of wedlock that he still claims as his own because he's just so proud of himself. And Helga is the maiden aunt--perfection. Salazar... hmm, is there something else between him and Rowena that we need to know about? Perhaps not, but the possibilities...! I must know more!

Lastly, I would like to congratulate you for writing realistic femmeslash within the context of the time period. I mean, we'll never know exactly what those kinds of relationships were like back in the day, but I think you've imagined it very well! Of course Helena condemns herself, but I love how she sympathizes with Satan--she seems like she needs to read Paradise Lost (if only it were a few centuries later!).

All in all, brilliant chapter. Your writing style is so shimmery and sparkly--I love it! Please, please, please update soon!

~UnluckyStar57/Mallory ♥

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Wahahahah thank you so much for these wonderful compliments as I've sort of been in a bit of a blip when it comes to this story but you have inspired me to post more of it!

Waahahahah (I will be saying this a lot in my response just to warn you!) thank you so much for these wonderful compliments! I've always loved Founders too, I've just never had enough courage to write it, but this time I was determined to do it and try and get it as accurate as possible. Virginia Woolf ♥ She is the ultimate babe and more of her quotes will be featured throughout!

I will, I will, I will, life has finally got some sense of normality in it, so more chapters will be appearing asap!

Thank you so much, I really had fun describing Eleanor as I could just go so over the top and it would be fun. Unrequited love is the worst love as it's so painful and sad and horrible, but luckily it may not be the case, as you will see in the next few chapters.

I know, I hated making Rowena evil given that I'm a Claw and all, but it had to be as I always imagined her being too focused on her own goals and successes rather than making her daughter happy which sucks a lot.

Hahaha, yes, Gryffindor was totally a player with tons of children just running around all over the place and then there's Helga just trying to talk some sense into him but he ignores her :P Yes, there is something between Salazar and Rowena and it will be explored later on in the story! :D

Thank you so much, it's actually my first time writing femmeslash too, so it was quite fun to fit it into the historical element too. Yes, poor Helena, condemning herself to the likes of Satan but it means more conflict so more angst which is life!

Thanks for this amazing review, and more will be posted soon! :D


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Review #15, by daliha 

14th September 2014:
Wow, founders isn't really my cup of tea, but I wanted to read this fic anyway, my God it's beautiful, the way you described their encounter it had me at the edge of my seat for a moment I thought Eleanor would be mean to Helena but quite the contrary, this is bittersweet since Hlena brings up the religious elements a lot, like she feels guilty for loving Eleanor but all in all I loved this first chapter. Thank you for the swap :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it anyway as it means a lot to me as I know a lot of people are quite sceptical when it comes to the Founders era. I really loved exploring the religious element of this story too as it was fun to have a new take on it so it's great that you liked it as well! Thanks for the review! ♥

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Review #16, by BellaLestrange87 

7th September 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

This is a really strong opening chapter. You mention various things that make me wonder how they will play a part in future chapters. For example, Helena's internal conflict over her love of Eleanor and her belief that being lesbian is a sin.

I love the way you used language here. Everything is so lyrical - I could visualize the scene in my mind while I was reading. The way Helena and Eleanor talked was perfect - back then people would probably have been more formal than nowadays (as well as talking in Old English, but nobody can probably understand that).

I like how the Founders all seem to be one big family (except for Slytherin, so I'm guessing this is set after the rift between them). If they could make a famous school together, they can probably become best friends - cue 'Aunt' Helga. (Unless I'm missing something and they're actually related by marriage?)

The only CC I have is on one sentence, when Helena is talking about her dress. "It is from the Flanders." I think the word 'the' could be eliminated altogether.

Helena in love with Eleanor... hmmm... maybe that's why she rejected the Bloody Baron. She could've stolen her mother's diadem out of anger that she wasn't accepted for who she was. I'm definitely going to stalk this for updates.


Author's Response: Hi Olivia, sorry for taking ages to respond to this!

I'm so glad that you liked the introduction as I really wanted to get it right and wanted to introduce the beginning of the character development.

Aw, thank you, it was a lot of fun writing their dialogue and making it suitable for the time period as I do sometimes think it would be a lot nicer if everyone spoke like that now.

Yes, Slytherin will be explored a lot more, but the other three are very close so you are right about that. So no you didn't miss anything.

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll change it asap!

Oooh, very good idea, you are close that's what I'll say. I'm sorry I haven't updated this in ages, life hasn't been the nicest to me but I hope to get another chapter up soonish!

Thanks for the review :D


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Review #17, by TheButterflyComposer 

2nd September 2014:
This story has a very floaty and dream like quality to it, not jus in the story and plot but in the style of writing.
I don't know about the religious aspects of the time (as over a thousand years ago in Scotland tends to mean pagan religions) but that doesn't particularly matter to the overall point of the story, to show how a dream can become reality, so much so that reality takes the form of a dream. Very nicely done.
Incidently, done for the Blue Vs Bronze review battle 44

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the dream like quality to it. As for the religious aspect, it's written in the 1000s so it was fairly developed around the. Thank you so much for this great review though :D


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Review #18, by nott theodore 

30th August 2014:
WAIT WHAT KIANA YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE POSTING THIS! It's a good job that I regularly visit your author's page because otherwise I'd have missed it! I knew you were writing about Helena Ravenclaw but not that the story was going to be slash or anything so I'm really intrigued already!

Eep, okay, this was amazing! I love your version of Helena, and the way that you introduce us to her. There are so many elements of this story that I absolutely love that I'm afraid this review is going to be a bit rambly and incoherent so I apologise in advance for that :P

You capture the time period for this story so well, even in just the first chapter. I know that you love history and I think you've done a great job of capturing this period, changing the language that Helena uses slightly from the modern speech but not making it incomprehensible for a modern reader or exaggerating it too much. And then all of the other little details in this as well which I can't comment on properly, but I think you've done a great job of capturing the era.

I love the inclusion of religion! It's so great to see the theme really emphasised here in this story as I know it doesn't appear much in the series but I think that witches and wizards at this time, especially since the magical society still mixed with Muggle society, would have been heaviy influenced by religion and religous beliefs. I can imagine them growing slightly apart from the church as far as things like witchcraft are concerned but when it comes to homosexuality I can definitely imagine Helena struggling so much with herself and her feelings for Eleanor because she's been taught that it's wrong all of her life. I think it's going to be really interesting to see the way that religion and religious beliefs impact on her life and her development through this story!

Your characterisation of Helena is brilliant! It's so original and not something that I've ever seen before, especially with the fact that she's a lesbian but trying to hide her feelings and who she is from those around her. I also really liked the fact that she doesn't get on with her mother really, and that she's so insecure and vulnerable. Most people characterise her as a woman who's extremely confident and pushes against all the boundaries of the time, so I really enjoyed this portrayal. It's so different but you wrote it so convincingly and I can already imagine how the feelings and thoughts that we've seen in this first chapter will lead to her running away with her mother's diadem to escape marrying the Bloody Baron!

Another aspect which was brilliant was the background that you've created for Helena and the world at Hogwarts. It's obvious that at this point that Salazar has already broken away from the other Founders but I liked the way that Helena thought about them all. I've always wondered what happened to Rowena's husband so it was great to read your explanation and the fact that he was a priest or preacher of some sort is really interesting, and I can already see the impact that's had on Helena's beliefs.

Eleanor Gryffindor was great, as well. I really liked the way that you described her through Helena's eyes, and captured the way that Helena felt about her by doing so - there's definitely a lot of young love there, and the innocence tied in with the idea that she's doing something very wrong. I loved the portrayal of Eleanor Gryffindor as well, because she was a lot braver than Helena and sort of took the lead in their meeting and things. It ties in with the sort of qualities that her house and family clearly value.

I'm so interested to see how this stories going to develop in the future and this was a great first chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to get to this, and how long it's taken me to post the next chapter which still hasn't been posted. I have no excuses so feel free to throw things at me!

Ramble away, I'm just so glad that you like her and the story because Founders era and slash and religion aren't the most popular things found on the site so I was so worried that people would hate so the fact that you like has just put a massive smile on my face!

I'm so glad that you like all the historical elements as it means a lot to me as I know you're a massive fan of history too. It actually meant that writing all those little things were some of my favourite parts of the story and it meant all those historical fiction books I've read could come into use here on the dos and don'ts of writing them!

Yay for you liking the religious aspect! The way religion has interacted with people's lives and politics throughout history is a secret love of mine as it combines philosophy and history and it was so much fun to write her. I'm glad you think that magical people of that time would have as it seems almost natural given that they would be given how much faith people had in God at the time and how they focused their lives around him.

Aw, thank you so much! The lesbian aspect of her actually came about through later planning because at first it was just going to be her dealing with religion and her mother but the lesbian bit fell into it so naturally, I couldn't leave it out. She does grow more and more rebellious as she gets more and more confidence throughout the story though, as it does somehow have to lead up to her running away so I hope you like that transition!

Yes, the world of Hogwarts is quite well developed in this story and I imagine it's been around for about 20 years or so at this time in history. The backstory to both Salazar and Rowena's husband will be explored further in the story so whoo for that!

Eleanor is definitely her father's daughter that is true! Fun fact - she was partially inspired by Eleanor of Aquitaine as she was quite girl power and go with her heart despite the era she lived in, and I wanted Eleanor Gryffindor to be liked that too.

Thanks for an amazing review and it has definitely inspired me to get my act together and post the next chapter! :D


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Review #19, by Ravenclaw333 

26th August 2014:



Okay. This is honestly such a perfect story and I'm so so excited about it because Helena Ravenclaw and Founders and history and lesbians, I can't even articulate how much this is EVERYTHING I'M ABOUT AND YOU ARE GLORIOUS FOR WRITING IT, ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS

You've already had countless reviews from me about what I think of your masterful prose so I won't go too in depth with that but it's gorgeous and you are so talented ahh

And I love the religious elements to it, you've done them so well and that ending segment about Eleanor and purity was just beautiful and I can't wait to read on you have no idea (well hopefully you have some idea after this disaster of a review)


I'm so glad that you're liking it all as I kinda like that when writing it as I never thought something so crazy could be written but I guess it cna.

Waahahahah, thank you so much!! ♥ You are way too lovely Lisa!

I'm so glad that you liked the religious elements as I thought I would get a load of hate for them so whoo you liked them. Thanks for a wonderful review lovely!!


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Review #20, by crestwood 

26th August 2014:
Hey Kiana! You got this in so early that I decided to get a head start on reviewing entries!
Well, I have to say this is literally the first time I have ever enjoyed a Founders Era story. Usually, I find that people overdo the language of the time period, obfuscating the point they are trying to make in the process. You've allowed the vocabulary of the time to accentuate what you're trying to get across with your words. The quote at the beginning was beautiful. What an interesting thing to connect to this story!

You've written a very convincing description of young love. It's equal parts intense and heartwarming. Helena seems to have some serious self hate problems, which I suppose will be explored more in future chapters. She manages to be forlorn and euphoric at the same time. She knows that she loves Eleanor, but she strongly believes that it's wrong and that she will be punished for it incredibly harshly. It's a testament to the strength of her affection that she still truly feels as though it is worth all of that just to be with who she loves.

The downcast atmosphere of this chapter was emphasized by her disparaging mother and late father. She does seem to find some level of comfort in connecting with her father's beliefs and book of worship, even though her mother denounces it completely. Helga is a lot like my headcanon of her here, the consummate Hufflepuff.

I found myself really excited about Eleanor's apparent reciprocation of Helena's love, or at least some kind of interest. I do really hope that it works out, because Helena seems to have enough in her life going badly as it is. Their interactions are thoroughly engaging so far. I imagine there will only be more elegant, expressive language to come and even more passionate musings. I am very excited to see how this story begins to take form. This is an excellent start. Thank you for taking part in my challenge, this entry has made me so excited about everything!

Author's Response: Hey there! I'm sorry it's taken me ages to get to this, life hasn't been great for me so I needed a bit of an HPFF hiatus!

I'm so glad that it worked for you as I know what you mean about those sorts of Founders stories so I really tried hard not to make it like that. I'm so glad that you liked the quote too, as Virginia Woolf was a massive inspiration for me whilst writing this so I used a lot of her work to link to this story.

Thank you so much, yes, she does have a lot of confusion right now which will be explored later on. She has such extreme emotions and is confused a lot of the time it means that she can be rather hard to read. I'm glad you picked up on her love for Eleanor as it was fun to tie it up with religion and see how that influenced.

I'm glad you're liking the older relative influence as they'll continue to crop up now and then in this story!

There is definitely something there with Eleanor I shall say, and Helena does definitely interest her. I think with Helena she's much more introspective so she's had time to figure out her feelings whereas Eleanor hasn't really and is a lot more confused about everything.

Thank you so much, I hope I can have some more up soon too!


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