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19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unwritten Curse 

9th January 2016:
This is for the Gryffindor Review Battle again. I'm alternating between remembering and forgetting. Story of my life.

Anyway...

I knew it. She's pregnant. So she's staying home for the term to have her baby in privacy. Right? Right? ;)

I haven't mentioned this before, but I love Olivia and Scor's friendship. It does seem like genuine friendship, no sexual tension or strings attached. That's refreshing. (I'm also still rooting for Olivia and Albus, by the way.)

I can see why this story won an award for dialogue. You carry the story SO WELL through dialogue, and each character has their own way of speaking that characterizes them and helps distinguish who is speaking when there are long bits of dialogue. I will say, though, that this chapter felt a little lacking in Olivia's internal thoughts. I was especially curious to see what she'd think about Cass not showing up, but that was sort of brushed over. Sort of.

I hate "complaining" about this because I'm still genuinely enjoying this fic. So much. But I love my girl Olivia and I want to hear from her, you know? Check in and all that. ;)

I think I'm going to read one more chapter because I'm dying for my suspicions to be confirmed regarding Cass. Then I'll probably sign off for the night. But I will be back!

--Gina

Author's Response: I reread this chapter a few days ago and I completely agree about there needing to be some more internal thoughts. The dialogue feels a bit too rushed. Definitely something I'll come back to when I edit. Thanks for pointing it out!

Emma x


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Review #2, by merlins beard 

25th March 2015:
Oh my... where is cassie. You're evil, you know that? I was going to go to sleep right after reading that xhapter, but now i have to read another one because i just can't wait to find out whats wrong with cassie (but i have a pretty good guess already)

I really like how close ollie and scorpius are in this chapter. They seem to me almost like brother and sister.

Author's Response: Haha sorry for keeping you awake! You're right about the brother/sister dynamic between Ollie and Scor. A few people have reviewed saying they think Ollie might have feelings for Scor but I only ever intended them to be be very close friends. I'm glad you're enjoying reading :)

Emma xx


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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 

20th September 2014:
Hi Emma,

I'm long overdue with this review as you've been so kind at giving my story lots of reviews!

I really love your version of Scorpius. He is so obviously in love with Cassie and seriously loyal to Ollie. You can tell that he is also a true Slytherin, but he will defend those he cares about - against those nasty Gryffindors - haha.

"I slept with Potter." You really got me on that one - especially after reading the chapter summary - I was like WHAT??!! Good one.

Even though Scorpius and Ollie aren't too worried about Cassie (maybe Ollie a little more so), I am. I mean, what is going on? I already told you my suspicions, and Cassie does seem like the type of girl who would deal with her problems a little differently than confiding in her friends, but I wish she would at least find some way to communicate with them.

Clara is really annoying. I know you wrote her that way intentionally, but I mean she's really annoying.

I didn't think this chapter was awkward at all. I think you needed it to establish the relationships between the main characters.

On to the next!

Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth! Thank you so much for coming back :)

I really love Scorpius. He's based on a lot of people I love in real life so I'm always happy when people like him. He's definitely a very loyal friend.

Haha, sorry about the chapter summary...potentially misleading.

And Clara is annoying, but hopefully bearable. She just has some growing up to do I think.

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

Emma xx


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Review #4, by CambAngst 

15th September 2014:
Hi, Emma! I've been itching to get back to your story, and I finally have a bit of free time.

Once again, we see poor Olivia slogging her way through a sloppy pit of sticky, squishy awkward with her mother. At least her dad isn't there to make it worse. Her mother's vanity hasn't been a huge theme so far, but it came across strongly in this chapter. No wonder Olivia struggles with relating to others.

So Cassie's not on the train. Interesting development. I'm wondering whether she's just decided to be fashionably late (absent?) or whether there's something more going on. If I'm gauging the passage of time correctly, it's been around a week that she hasn't been on speaking terms with Olivia? Seems like a long time, even for her.

I love the one-sided conversation where Scorpius isn't really paying attention to Olivia. And I really loved what it took to get him to pay attention. Seems like Albus is a bit of a sore spot for him. Is there perhaps more to the animosity than just the obvious reason? But just a bit later, Scorpius actually expressed a bit of sympathy for Albus. He's a complicated character. I have to say that I felt really bad for him when the Zabini girl was mashing all over him. He was trying so hard to make a point and she was completely impervious to it.

I think maybe you should emphasize the fact that Olivia plays Quidditch a bit more. Honestly, sometimes I forget. I did like the conversation, though.

Aww, two out of three of the pictures from Christmas were actually rather sweet. And then there's the third. Probably best not to speak of that one. It's too bad that Olivia doesn't get on better with her cousin. It seems like the two of them could find a small oasis of sanity in their otherwise insane family.

Ha! Scorpius knows just which buttons to push to guilt trip Olivia into running with him. He really does have some insecurities, or at least he plays at it well. All in all, I think you've made him into a very likable, sympathetic character.

The letter to Cassie was really well done. Part snarky, part sweet and kind of vulnerable.

I can understand why you wouldn't have felt completely happy with this chapter. It's one of those chapters that you need in order to move the plot along, even though not a lot actually happens. I did think that you made some really good character development headway with Scorpius. Unfortunately, they can't all be crazy barn-burners. Looking forward to the next one!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks so much for the review. I just finished reading and reviewing your wonderful story so any positive feedback from you really means a lot :)

Pansy's vanity will definitely continue to be a theme so I'm glad you mentioned it. You're right, it does help to explain Olivia's difficulty relating to other people. Especially combined with her father's unfaithfulness.

Cassie's disappearance is definitely supposed to stand out as strange. Given that she's such good friends with Scor and Ollie it's out of character to be out of touch with them both for so long.

And Scorpius has a lot of animosity towards the Potters, regardless of whether or not it's justified. Ollie knows this, obviously, and so knows exactly how to use it against him. I'm glad you said he was a complicated character. He's one of the characters I feel I understand best, and he means a lot to me. Thank you thank you for saying he's likeable and sympathetic.

I'll bear that in mind about the Quidditch. I think it generally gets mentioned a bit most chapters but I could definitely add in a bit more (love writing Quidditch...).

Thanks so much for this review. Since writing this chapter I think I've started to feel a bit better about it, but it definitely feels more fillery than most of the others. All your comments have been really helpful and reassuring.

Emma xx


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Review #5, by Kira 

12th September 2014:
WHERE IS CASSIE???

WHEN WILL WE KNOW???

AH I'M SO EXCITED.

In other news, James Potter is fabbity fab in this chapter. I would like to see lots more of him.

Kira xoxo

Author's Response: Haha Cassie's whereabouts will unfortunately not be revealed for a while...

And James will show up again so don't worry :)

Much love,

Emma xx


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Review #6, by Roisin 

9th September 2014:
I really like here how you subtly expand on Ollie being weird about physical contact. Her mother is just *awful,* and Ollie's resentment is super realistic.

'"True dat," Oz said with a solemn nod.'--this line was brilliant! Just, "true dat"+"solemn"=YES.

And there were a lot of fantastic little details embedded throughout that made it all feel very real, like James not closing the door behind him.

All of your characters appear as really well-developed and dimensional, and no one seems totally stock or cliche (except maybe Clara, but she's only really been shown through Ollie's eyes so far).

Also "Big Potter" and "Smaller Potter" are great! Your characters seem to have so many great and established traits. This is something I wish I'd included in Year Five--but teenagers have a really special relationship with language (especially these kinds of teenagers). They come up with clever phrases, invent private slang, nickname everything. It's a really important sort of developmental thing, and you capture it really well, without making a huge deal of it. It's just woven in in passing.

And I continue to really like Katie! I have a few vague ideas about where this story might be heading, and I can't wait to see what happens!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you think Olivia's resentment is realistic. I worry that she comes across a little too mean at times but I just can't see her giving her mother an easier time.

And I'm so glad you picked up on teenage language! Lots of the little things you're mentioning in your reviews about the ways teenagers behave are things I hadn't properly thought about when writing. I've just thought about how my friends were at school and have drawn on that, but it's so true that little bits of made up language and nicknames are a very teenage thing to do.

Thanks for another wonderful review,

Emma xx


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Review #7, by Unicorn_Charm 

8th September 2014:
Hey Emma. :) Back again!

So... I hate Clara. She's pretty annoying. I don't know how anyone could be that oblivious, or plain psychotic. How many times do people have to mention Cassie before she gets the message?

Awww Katie sent her some family photos. I thought that was really sweet, and I'm sure deep, deep down, Olivia does, or at least will, too. Katie just seems like an awesome Aunt to her and I hope she does appreciate that, or will come to at some point.

Olivia and Scorpius have such a cute brother/sister relationship. You do such a wonderful job and showing how close the two of them are. I loved in the train how she didn't actually get his attention til she said she slept with Potter. His reaction was really funny. And the fact that he could, so easily, guilt her into running the following morning.

And WHERE IS CASSIE?? I'm nervous for her now. No one misses the first day back. Eek. Something must be wrong. :(

I know you said you weren't sure about this chapter, but I think it was perfectly fine. I really enjoyed it. :) Well done! See you next chapter! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Meg!

Oo, strong feelings against Clara. I didn't really mean to make her a hated character but I can totally see what you mean. She's being inappropriate and not very thoughtful.

I love Katie, and I think Olivia does appreciate the gesture, at least on some level. The photograph idea popped up in my head as I was writing the chapter and I couldn't resist. It's nice to be able to show her family through a slightly more objective form than Olivia's voice.

And thank you for saying Olivia and Scor have a brother/sister relationship! It's been mentioned in other reviews that there might be something more, but siblings is absolutely what I was going for. They look out for each other even if they pretend they don't, and I think they have a lot more in common with each other than either of them have with Cass.

And I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL MY SECRETS but have committed to no secrets so Cassie's story will have to wait...

Thanks for the lovely review!

Much love,

Emma xx


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Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter 

8th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm right on time! I should really start giving myself a week or two to get to you guys but that sounds really selfish to me but anyway, its good to be back!

Now, I would have read this immediately after looking at your areas of concern but RL got difficult so I had to hold off. Which was annoying. Now, I've read the entire chapter twice just to get a feel for what you were worried about and I can honestly say that this is a good chapter but it could be better in some areas. What I really liked about this chapter was Olivia and Scor's relationship, they're a fun pair and I think that their bantering is rather sibling-like but I'm wondering if you're going to go in another direction? I sort of want them to try dating but I think Albus is going to show up and take them for a loop (I can only hope so) so I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for that one. I was a little worried about Cassie though, where has she gone? Its very unusual that they haven't heard from her by now so I'm really curious on what's going on and what the heck is going on with her and James? Don't think I didn't notice that! There's some animosity between them that I find so very delicious and its obvious that there's a lot bubbling under the surface so I'm really excited to read that. But what will Scorpius do?! D':

Now, I didn't think that this chapter was horrible or anything but while I was reading, especially in the beginning I thought that Olivia was a bit too detached. I know that she's probably just trying to hide behind a strong front but her conversation with her mother could have been a bit better, I would have liked to have seen them really talk about what was going on at home without side stepping the issue. Olivia's thoughts on the matter, how she really feels about it could make a big difference in the pace of this chapter too. How is this really bothering her? Can she sleep at night? Is she angry at her father for what he's done? These are the sort of questions that you could really plow through in just a few paragraphs and while Olivia felt sorry for her mother and seemed a bit worried, I think you could have pushed it just a little more so that we got a clearer picture of their relationship just then. I feel really badly for Pansy and you know, what? I hope she finds some twenty-something hunk to make her life all the sweeter. You're not aware of this but I'm a very petty person when it comes to this sort of thing, I'd have already written about her going on dates right about now. Hahahahhaa.

Okay, other than that little scene, I think that the trip to the Express could have had a bit more tension. I know that Scor was busy trying not to cringe by having Lara so close but I really think that you could force them together in some realistic way--perhaps they have to share a detention and he really gets to know her, maybe even starts questioning his feelings for Cassie? That would be interesting!

Other than that, I liked this chapter and I'm really curious on what you're going to write next so don't be shy about coming back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks for the review and all the suggestions. I'm really glad you like Olivia and Scor's friendship. I love writing them. A few people have suggested they'd like them to have a go at more than friendship but I think their relationship is actually very platonic. They've always had this very tight knit little group with Cassie and don't let many other people in which means their friendship is very intense, but you're right that Albus is the important one here :)

Cassie's story won't be revealed for a while, but I'm glad you noticed the animosity between her and James. I think Cass has quite a lot of animosity with most people to be honest, but Head Boy James is definitely more irritated by it than some people.

I'm in two minds about your thoughts on Pansy. I would kind of love to write her rebounding from Andrew and going on lots of dates, but I think as a character she has a lot of problems that stop her doing this. Olivia's not the type to talk her problems through with her mother, and you're right that it makes her seem detached and probably adds to their issues, but I don't think it would fit with her character to deal with it sensibly. I'll have a think about your comments though. I can see that it might be worth adding a bit more about who Olivia feels into the mix.

Haha a few people have said they'd like Scor to maybe give Clara a chance. We'll see :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #9, by Ribbons 

23rd August 2014:
THEY'RE REFERRING TO THEM AS BIG POTTER AND SMALLER POTTER OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!

Also...where is Smaller Potter? Aalbus!

Yet again a wonderful chapter. My favorite part about it was that nagging, ominous feeling that you were missing something important. Where. Is. Cassie? I was also surprised that Clara wasn't more aggressive in her attempts to talk/love Scorp, but if she was maybe it wouldn't make sense for her to be Esther's friend. It's all very confusing.

Loving Ollie as per usual, but noticing a little but of a...similarity happening between her and others. Kind of a goofy, cute, clumsy, stupid-things-spurting, candy-loving girl. A weirdo who captures the guy's heart. Please, please, PLEASE don't turn her into this. Ollie is her own person.

Wow, I can't wait to see what happens to Cassie, for Ollie and Albus to get together, and for Scorpius to do some running from Clara. Update soon!

Lots of love,

Alena

Author's Response: Nooo I so didn't want Olivia to come across like that - I think she's more her own person in the next chapter but I'll definitely work on it. She's absolutely supposed to be her own person.


Next chapter has quite a bit more Albus and is in the queue so should be up in the next few days :)

Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and I'm absolutely honoured that you added me to your favourite authors!

Much love,

Emma xx


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Review #10, by Gladis Gudgeon 

23rd August 2014:
This story is really funny. I was laughing the entire time. The characters and writing are well done. I reviewed this story for review tag first, but it was so good I kept reading.
Gladis Gudgeon

Author's Response: Hiya!

Thanks for continuing to read and for taking the time to review - it really makes a big difference.

I'm so relieved you said it made you laugh! Writing comedy is terrifying because I just don't know whether other people will find it funny, so thanks so much for that.

Next chapter's in the queue so should be up soon!

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #11, by TidalDragon 

11th August 2014:
Hello again!

Since your concerns were more general, I'm going to leave you a slightly more general review. On the macro level I don't think there's anything really wrong with this chapter. The reason I think you may not feel so excited about it is that it reads more like a filler than some of your other chapters. The story doesn't advance enormously, aside from Cassie's absence, and we get a fair amount of retreading of dynamics that we already understand (i.e. Clara being into Scorpius).

With all that said, aside from a heavy skew toward dialogue, I think the chapter is fine. The reality is that in longer stories, every chapter can't have a high impact event or some major plot advancement. Many chapters in real books are "day in the life" chapters, the subject-matter of which are quite pedestrian, but the writing of which are nevertheless important because you can't simply advance the story every time with passage of time language.

If you want things to tweak for a later edit, I'd suggest maybe altering some of what gets covered in the Hogwarts Express scenes. Perhaps you can use Cassie's absence and Scorpius's fixation on the paper to explore people or events Olivia might have otherwise missed. You could make one of these and event or person of later significance to the story. This might make you feel like you're "doing" more with the chapter and make you feel more satisfied about it.

Either way, keep on keeping on. And don't get discouraged. Sometimes the chapters or even whole sections of your story you think will be easiest end up being really hard and vice-versa. You'll be alright!

Author's Response: Thanks, that's really helpful feedback and definitely reassuring. I really appreciate you putting in the time to review. Emma x

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Review #12, by BlueElephant 

11th August 2014:
I really love this story so far! I think your characters have got so much potential and the dynamics between Ollie, Cass and Scorp are really interesting. Also though it's not in this chapter I really loved the scene with Albus and Laura too, can't wait to see some more of him. As to your note about this chapter, I know what you mean about it feeling different from the others but i think that's just because it was necessary to keep the plot moving, but i really liked all the interactions between the minor characters like Clara and Scorpius. Sorry for the long ramble, can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review and for the story favourite! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Emma x

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Review #13, by AdinaPuff 

10th August 2014:
Hello, hello!

Oh, Pansy is so difficult. Of course, I'm sure through Ollie's eyes, she exaggerated it a tad. Maybe if she took the cooing and compliments about how pretty she is in stride, her mum wouldn't be all that bad. Of course, then she wouldn't be Ollie, because we both know Ollie would never be okay with her mother's personality. Not this Ollie.

Awe Scor's such a gent. Coming and carrying her trunk. Chivalry isn't just for the Gryff's ya know. Scorpius can be polite as well!

And they say chivalry's dead. Pfttt. Not with Scorpius around!

I quite like Esther. She seems really great, honestly. Of course, we haven't seen too too much of her, but for the most part she's pretty chill. Poor Clara. She'll never learn, will she?

I like how everyone expresses their concern, even James, about Cassie not showing for anything. But then Scorpius and Ollie don't make a fuss of it. I like that, because it shows how well they truly know Cassie. I mean, they can claim all they want, but when they're relaxed about her being late, it shows that they really do know her. Just one of those little things that make the story that much more believable.

James Sirius Potter. IN THEIR COMPARTMENT? BLASPHEMY! Well, according to Scorpius anyways. I wonder why James addressed Ollie rather than Scorp.. Though, I suppose it was maybe that Scorp was being a right jerk. But then it could have a deeper meaning... I like reading into things a bit :p it could be nothing, but it's nice to think about. Maybe Al already likes her after rescuing her at the pub!

Okay. That's a bit too far out of reach.. I doubt he has feelings for her after just that.

BUT A GIRL CAN DREAM, OKAY?!

Then Scorp guilt tripping Ollie into running. Classic. A good classic. Not cliche or anything too unoriginal. But I liked it. Nice touch. Shows she cares. Under that serious mask of hers.

Then her Peking Cassie. She's in denial. Deep down she knows something's wrong, but doesn't want to admit it to herself. It's, again, nice to show she cares. You do great with that. She keeps her personality, but at the same time you weave that human feeling into her. It's marvelous.

Well done! I want another chapter. NOW!

... Please? :)

And with some Alby in it. I'm beginning to miss the guy.

Just a little bit though.

Until then!

-Leigh

Author's Response: Yayy Leigh thanks so much for such a kind review. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. You always comment on exactly the things I was trying to achieve so that's made me happy. Next chapter will have plenty Albus I promise.

Emma x


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Review #14, by StarlightAsteria 

9th August 2014:
Hi Emma!

You said you weren't completely happy with this chapter - I don't think it shows at all :) I thought all the Scor/Ollie interactions worked well, but I thought they were slightly cold with each other on the train. Maybe make more of the fact that they're discussing where Cassie is? I don't know, just a thought :)

I found Scorpius's indifference to where Cassie was interesting, maybe delve deeper into it?

All in all, another very good chapter - do update fast!

Celi :)

Author's Response: Hi Celi, thanks for the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. It's interesting you picked up on Scor's indifference. I'm not sure whether I really planned it to come across that way but it seemed to be his natural response when I was writing. I'll have a think about it. I'm working on the next chapter so hopefully will upload it when the queue opens again.

Emma x


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Review #15, by crestwood 

9th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

Well, I'm already a fan of this story and it's on my Reading List and everything so I definitely find the characters likable. Even the one's who are less than nice (Cassie) are multi-faceted and interesting. All of the characters are flawed in this story. That's always a good thing in my opinion. I feel a bit sorry for Ollie's mother. She may not be the warmest person, but she does seem to really be trying to connect with her daughter, in her own way. Scorpius' behaviour toward James was just about what I expected. He's bitter about their positive fame while his family name is something he has to live down. Makes sense to me. Overall, the characters are all going well.

I wouldn't call this filler exactly. Maybe if there wasn't the mystery of where Cassie has gotten off to it could be considered that. But even so, filler is necessary. SOMEthing has to go between the big powerful scenes. I think this chapter contributes to the story in that it gives us more time to be with the characters a bit more before the plot begins to truly thicken. The pacing was pretty neutral here and that's okay. I don't think every chapter needs a whopping plot twist or something similar. Sometimes a chapter can just be a well-written piece of the story. Good job on this. Thank you for your re-request!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. You've definitely made me feel better about this one. I really find your feedback helpful so thanks for that. I'm glad you're still enjoying it.

Emma x


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Review #16, by TumTum 

7th August 2014:
I've been looking forward to this update. I've still got rather mixed feelings about Cassie because she's got such a strong personality that it feels like she walks over Ollie but that could just be my interpretation. She also doesn't seem kind.

I found the interaction between Ollie and her friends and James pretty interesting, especially how Ollie seems to be straight forward with him while Scorpius is openly aggressive. It's a side of Scorpius we haven't seen before although it makes sense that he would dislike the Potters who get all the positive attention while he has to prove that he's not some kind of new age death eater.

I also found the pictures interesting... it seems like Ollie is rather fond of her aunt and cousin (or rather more appreciative of them than she lets on)... even if they are unfortunately going under her bed for the year. At least that's the impression I get...

So far, I would be very interested to see what Ollie is like without her friends around. That's the overall impression I have, that and I am enjoying the suspense and the mystery around Cassie... even if I don't much like Cassie herself.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter ^0^

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. It's interesting to hear your thoughts on Cassie. She's definitely not a straightforward character and I'm glad that's come across. I'm also glad you thought Scor's behaviour was believable. It made sense to me that he'd treat the Potters like this but I worried that it might seem out of character.

I'm working on the next chapter, hopefully hear from you again! Thanks for reviewing,

Emma x


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Review #17, by bookworm19971 

7th August 2014:
Liked this chapter v much. Can not wait for the next one. Update soon:)

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm working on chapter five :)

Emma x


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Review #18, by sadiepaxton 

7th August 2014:
I'm really enjoying your story :) I like the cousin dislike/sort of friendship that you've given to Ollie and Jason. And I love Head Boy James and moody-ish Al. Such a nice change from flakey prank-pulling James and perfect prefect Albus haha.

Also I don't think there's anything really wrong with this chapter, it's a bit of a filler but generally you need them:) keep up the good work! I am loving the quick updates

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review. I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far.

Emma x


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Review #19, by :) 

7th August 2014:
This story is so great. Seriously. I LOVE Olivia's voice, it's so... real, I guess. I'm intrigued by Cassie's disappearance, and I can't wait for Al Potter's next appearance. And Jason Wood's, however moronic he may be :)

Great chapter, can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Thank you thankyou. I'm glad you like Olivia's voice. I really enjoy writing her.

Emma x


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