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16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Hatecasandra 

13th May 2017:
Cassie sounds so horrible and bitchy. I ship Scorp with Rose.

Author's Response: Haha fair enough. Thanks for reading and taking the time to review! xx

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Review #2, by Secret Cupid 

14th February 2016:
Happy Valentine's Day ♥ Hope your day is filled with lots of love ♥

Holy moly. I love this story so much already. I can't believe I've not read it already!

Olivia is a FANTASTIC character and I've not read a story with Pansy's daughter as the main character but you've written her WONDERFULLY.

I love all your characters already and I especially love the friendship between Olivia and Scorpius. Cassie seems a bit of trouble but with her past, it's understandable.

And oooh (I know this was either last chapter/the chapter before) but Al saves her and now he's just essentially poured his heart out to Olivia (without his knowledge of course)

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD STORY. I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTERS SO MUCH

I know I've said this like a thousand times, but your characters are honestly fantastic. They're so real and they're absolutely brilliant, and they especially embody dumb teenagers who think they know everything but they really don't.

I'm excited to see where this goes! You're a FANTASTIC writer!

Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day ♥

- your secret admirer ;)

Author's Response: Yayy thank you! You were a wonderful secret cupid xx

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Review #3, by Unwritten Curse 

9th January 2016:
Okay, I'm going to review this chapter in a second, but I just realized something and I need to say this now:

Cassie is totally pregnant, isn't she?

1. She refused alcohol on Christmas. She was smoking, but it easily could've been a false cigarette, like the ones at the Weasley's store.

2. She wouldn't finish Olivia's drink before going to the club. She SAID she'd had her own alcohol, but that easily could have been water or something else.

3. Her shot at the club was clear. It was totally water.

4. She got the drink from the old guy and immediately gave it to Olivia.

5. She's acting all weird around Scorpius.

SHE'S TOTALLY PREGNANT and I had a feeling she might be during the Christmas chapter but then she was "drinking" in the next chapter so I forgot about it, but YOU'RE A SNEAKY GENIUS and tricked me. (If I'm wrong, I'll feel like a total idiot, but at the moment I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Haha.)

Anyway, MORE ALBUS. This better mean what I think it means. That Olivia is going to feel bad for him now that he's been exploited by this person that he cared so much about and she's going to approach Albus and they're going to fall in love. The end.

I'm making so many predictions that it's verging on unhealthy. Oh ye talented author, I leave the story to you. Please excuse this ridiculous review. I'm losing my mind over how brilliant this story is.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention: Those two from the Quidditch team remind me so much of Fred and George. They practically finish each other's sentences and they have the stupidest jokes that are so stupid they're funny (like when they asked Scorpius to sign their chests--I laughed out loud). Was that your inspiration? If so, you nailed it.

--Gina

Author's Response: I love hearing people's predictions, keep them coming :) But no spoilers so...

A few people have said that Joe and Oz remind them of Fred and George. It wasn't intentional but now that it's been pointed out I can completely see it.

Thanks again! Emma x


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Review #4, by Hedwig_Pie 

17th October 2014:
liked it. very well written portayal of laura exploiting al. poor al. laura sucks. great chapter

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Laura's a pretty complicated character but definitely pretty rubbish to Al. I'm glad you found it convincing :)

Emma xx


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Review #5, by CambAngst 

12th September 2014:
Hi, Emma! I wanted to read one more chapter before time to get the kids settled in.

I'll start with the big picture observation this time: This chapter had some really good writing in it. I could feel the momentum building as you moved through it. By the end, I was really hanging on each sentence. I didn't know whether Albus would see Scorpius and Olivia hiding or whether this Clara girl was going to wander in and muck up everything. I definitely didn't expect Rose to come to Al's rescue, so to speak. And I really like the way that Olivia is gradually building this connection with Albus, sometimes without Albus even realizing it. I like what happened in this chapter as a complimentary plot development to Albus's "rescue" of Olivia in the last chapter.

I donít know how either one of them ended up in Slytherin. Theyíre much too cuddly. -- A brilliant synopsis of Olivia's entire encounter with Joe and Oscar. I like the depth and diversity you're giving to your Slytherin characters in this story. Some of them -- Scorpius and Cassie and definitely Creepo Flint -- are very traditional Slytherin archetypes. Others, like our two goofball Chasers here, would go just fine in Hufflepuff. Cheers for not making the House of Snakes one-dimensional!

Ah, the Unbreakable Vow. I suppose that's a foolproof way to quit. If you relapse, it's curtains!

Scor looked at me, and then we both started laughing. Nobody says no to Cassie. She is masterful at getting what she wants. -- I don't know whether this was meant to be a really meaningful passage, but after the last chapter it really jumped out at me. There are a few one-word equivalents to "masterful at getting what she wants". Persuasive would be on the kind end of the spectrum, manipulative on the other. Where, exactly, is Cassie going to fall on the spectrum and how will that affect her relationship with Scorpius? That's what inquiring minds want to know. ;)

And then Albus comes along with his decidedly ex girlfriend. I really liked the way that you wrote their conversation from start to finish. An interesting contrast I noticed was how Laura attempts to manipulate Albus -- lying, equivocating, making excuses -- and he's having none of it. Compare that to how easily Olivia tends to be manipulated by Cassie. If any romantic spark develops between Albus and Olivia, I can see a lot of conflict brewing between Albus and Cassie. I'm not trying to guess the entire plot of your story after chapter 4... oh, heck, who am I kidding? Of course I'm trying to guess the whole plot of your story! My guess is that a spark of romance does develop between Olivia and Albus and Cassie doesn't like it at all, because she can't control Albus and she sees herself losing Olivia as a friend. My "dark horse" prediction is that Cassie leaks things about Albus and Olivia's relationship to the press, things that Olivia has told her in confidence, to try to break them up. You probably won't tell me whether I'm close or not, will you? :p

Let's see, what else? It was nice to see Al's family quickly rally around him. I'm not a fan of the version of Al that's very disconnected from his siblings and cousins.

Once again, superb writing! Great chapter!

Author's Response: I didn't expect you to be back so soon but this review definitely made me smile, so thank you thank you thank you.

I'm glad you saw this chapter as building on Olivia and Albus's relationship. That's what I wanted from it, but I'm not sure it's necessarily obvious given that they don't interact.

And I'm enjoying writing Slytherins so much! I figured there are lots of ways to have the characteristics Slytherin House values and still be friendly and loveable, and I hope my characters show the range of figures present in the House (although I'm not convinced that Joe Montague wouldn't have done a little better in Hufflepuff...).

Your observation about 'masterful at getting what she wants' placing Cassie ambiguously on the spectrum from 'persuasive' to 'manipulative' is an interesting one. I get the impression you might already have a pretty good idea where Cassie lies on that spectrum...

Albus is definitely one for straight talking. I thought Harry and Ginny would probably encourage honesty and straightforwardness in their children, especially Ginny. Plus you probably have to have that attitude when you're so in the spotlight.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! You're also number 100 on this story so that means a lot :)

Emma xx



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Review #6, by Kira 

12th September 2014:
Joe and Oz made me laugh so much!

And Laura's awful! I wonder if she has more of a reason for doing what she did?

Albus and Rose seems really great. I want to meet Louis!

This story's so good!!

Kira xoxo

Author's Response: Aw you meet Louis soon...but you may not like him as much as Al and Rose.

And I'm so happy to hear Joe and Oz made you laugh. They're some of the most fun to write and it always makes me smile when people like reading them.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #7, by Roisin 

9th September 2014:
I definitely like all the new characters!

And I feel like a lot of people write the Potter boys as too, like, adjusted? They realistically *would* have a lot of those insecurities, and I'm really glad that was present.

Also, and this is such a little thing, sitting or lying down on the ground! That's just, AGAIN, something me and my friends did so non-chalantly as teenagers, and people thought it was really weird.

You continue to set up a lot of really cool character info here, and I'm really interested to see where it all goes! I think people often take Gryf/Slyth rivalry for granted, but here you do a really good job of fleshing it out and making it feel *real*. Your characters have little flaws and weaknesses, for being at that age. It's not like [insert flaw here to make character rounded]--they're all fully realized, and because it's more that they're just *young*, they're still so likable!

This chapter was a lot of dialog, though. It was all really wonderful, and funny, and it didn't bother me when I was reading--but I think traditionally, there's supposed to be more balance. I think it's fine, but if you ever do want to make any edits, you might consider cutting some of the less important dialog in favor of adding more physical description. But like I said, I don't think it's a serious issue, and the story doesn't really suffer from it. And third chapters are WEIRD and HARD.

I'm procrastinating right now, so I think I'll probably end up doing a little review storm!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Yayy thank you for liking my characters. It's always such a relief whenever anyone says the like them.

I don't think anyone in their teens is properly adjusted, and the Potter kids would definitely have it harder than most, so I'm glad you found that all believable.

And yes! Lying down EVERYWHERE is such a thing in your teens! I don't know why at all.

I totally see what you mean about the dialogue. It's been mentioned before and I think it's definitely something I need to work on. I get into the flow of writing different characters and their speech and forget a bit about the other stuff.

Much love,

Emma xx


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Review #8, by Unicorn_Charm 

8th September 2014:
Emma! So it's almost 5:30 in the morning, where I live, and I'm still up reading. :)

Olivia describing Scorpius' shopping tendencies (problem) was so amusing. And the fact that he came out of the shop empty handed made the whole thing even funnier. Joe and Oz were amazing! I do hope they're in this a lot more. They may end up becoming my favorite characters. I loved how they were so friendly and bubbly, yet Slytherins. Those two were such a genius way to discredit the Slytherin stereotype. The dialogue with them was some of my favorite so far.

Eek! Scorpius has a stalker! She sounds a tad bit creepy. Maybe one of Cassie's trademark punches in the face may cure her of her obsessive tendencies? ;) Speaking of Cassie, what is going on with her? Why is she avoiding everyone? I know you can't really tell me, but it doesn't hurt to ask. :p

Wow. That whole thing with Al was really sad. It's horrible that someone who he loved, and who he trusted so much, would run to three different papers and disclose all of that private information. I'm surprise Rose didn't hex her. My heart absolutely broke for him.

I really *should* get some sleep, but I want to keep reading! I'm facing a horrible dilemma. This story is just too good! Can't wait to continue on. :D

:hugs: Meg ♥

Author's Response: Oh my goodness go to sleep Meg!!

I'm torn between feeling very guilty for keeping you up so late and very flattered that you bothered.

Joe and Oz are really good fun to write and definitely feature a lot later on, especially Joe. Oz is in the year above Olivia so is slightly less prominent but I adore writing them both so they'll very much be around :)

And I'm kind of surprised Rose didn't hex Laura as well, now you bring it up. Maybe that's something that'll have to happen later on...

Thank you so so much for all your absolutely wonderful reviews!

Much love,

Emma xx


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Review #9, by Veritaserum27 

7th September 2014:
Hi Emma - here for our review swap.

First off, I have to say two things:

1. I can see how much your writing has improved since the first chapter. It's not like the first chapter was written poorly or anything like that. I can just see the little details you've added about each person and the story seems to flow so much better. This chapter was my favorite so far, even though it didn't involve a lot of plot.

2. I LOVE your characters. Ollie is lovable, but beautifully flawed. Scorpius is arrogant but loyal and caring. Cassie doesn't let anyone in except Ollie and Scorpius and she's fierce and damaged.

But I absolutely ADORE Oscar and Joe. They remind me of the Weasley twins, in how close they are to each other and how they joke around, but you've made them distinctly different. You're natural ability to write clever dialogue completely shines in this chapter - especially with these two. I love their banter.

I love how you were able to show us Al's vulnerability, here. We didn't have to see it through Ollie's eyes and hopefully she is maybe just starting to see that he might have his own issues to deal with and not be exactly the arrogant, must-always-save-the-day Gryffindor that she has painted in her head.

Laura sounds like bad news across the board. Why do I have the feeling that she's not about to go away any time soon?

I'm also curious about the fake cigarettes. Could that be what Cassie was "smoking" the night on the roof? If so, that was a very clever way to leave a hint.

Loved this chapter. I wouldn't change a thing!

Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

This review is the BEST! Thank you thank you for all the lovely things you've said.

You're completely right that Ollie's slowly starting to see Al as more of a human being and not just her stereotype Gryffindor, but I'm not sure she's quite there yet in this chapter.

And Laura is unfortunately not going away any time soon, but she's quite good fun to write :)

As for the cigarettes...I'm going to stay away from any spoilers but I'm really glad I've made you think.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #10, by simplelullaby 

26th August 2014:
Hey Emma! It's simplelullaby here with your requested review! It's been ageees since you requested last - I was so happy to get your review!

Anyway, onto the review.

What's brilliant about reviewing your story is that I get to see you improve with every single chapter. It's great to see you improve your descriptions, and make sure all of your sections are just the right length so that the story flows so nicely! Just brilliant!

Technical:

I noticed a wee formatting issue here, big spaces between lines and the like. I'd recommend switching to the simple editor - it's actually brilliant. HPFF provide a handy wee html guide if you, like me, have never ventured into the world of coding, and it's really easy to use! It'll definitely fix your spacing problem, and (if you're having the same problem as me) centre your shiny new (and wonderful) chapter images without centering the rest of the text. Saying that, mind, it's not a big issue, so don't worry about it too much.

Characterisation:

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this in every single one of your reviews before, but I'm going to say it again - I ADORE your characterisation. Chapter by chapter Olivia is becomming a REAL living breathing person, with nuances and bits about her character that all make sense, but that you could characterise as flaws. I love that you're taking her out of the Mary-Sue danger zone. I also love that though it's an Albus/OC, you're waiting a while before you introduce Albus properly to us readers. It gives us a chance to get to know Olivia properly before you introduce us to Olivia/Albus as a couple. It's a really great approach. Similarly Scorpious is becomming a brilliant character as well. I loved the Scorpius/Albus parallels, and especially the fact that it was the boy who spent hours in the robes shop, and not the girl. Your dialogue, as well, is cracking! You're forcing me to give a different voice to each of them, just based on the fact that

If I could give you any advice characterisation-wise, I'd say the the introduction of Joe and Oscar seemed a little rushed, and I think that was due to the lack of description accompanying your spectacular dialogue in this section. There are ways to add little descriptions while still keeping up the pace of your chapter. I just came away not really knowing much of Joe and Oscar, and I think that was a bit of shame because you've obviously taken the time to think about them yourself, given the distinctive ways they talk.

Plot:

Oooh, this was really the best chapter flow wise yet! You had two really clear sections, and then a great plot device for the transition (creepy stalker girl, anyone?), so that it didn't seem artificial. With that, you managed to create what I think is your best scene yet, with Albus talking to Laura. Here, the description was as brilliant as the dialogue, and you added in the right amount of internal monologue needed so that we could get Olivia's opinion of what was going on while still keeping the focus on Albus and Laura. You used it, as well, to characterise, as you always do so naturally. More nuances to Scorpius AND Albus in that short chapter. Brilliant! I'm sorry I really have no notes plot-wise, except don't change a thing!

Setting and Description:

I still think that this could be expanded upon a bit more. I'd have loved to see some of the robes described by Scorpius, and reasons why none of them were quite right, some longing looks from the Zabini girl, a couple of throwaway descriptions of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes (since I got the impression that Olivia and Scorp hadn't ever been in there, and it's meant to be a pretty impressive shop.) I did love the description you did add - Scorp's blank expression at the end, Olivia landing in a puddle. Just a little more and it'll be brilliant!

Overall:

A really brilliant chapter, your best yet! I love that you're making your characters real people, and I love the way you're handling your plot (rather expertly). My improvements would lie on setting description, and even description in general. But that's it!

Your AoC: Your pacing is brilliant, if a little quick at the beginning because of the lack of description when compared to the end section. The characters are definitely consistent, don't worry about your characterisation at all! I like Joe, Oscar and Esther, though I'd really love to know more about them in this chapter so it didn't seem like they were rushed to introduce. Clara is very well characterised, though I do think that in later chapters there's room for expansion so she's not so 2D, though I know you're going to do that anyway (you've done it with everyone else so far!)

My Favourite Part: Definitely the section with Albus and Laura. So heartfelt, it felt like a real fight between two people in love. Heartbreakingly wonderful.

So there it is! Hope you liked it, and as always feel free to rerequest! If you have any questions as well, stuff that goes beyond and Author's Response, feel free to PM me!

Keep Writing,

~Aimee~

Author's Response: Aimee! Wow, what a wonderful review!

I forget how much I love your feedback :) Everything you've said is hugely helpful and I'll make sure to rerequest soon!

That's really helpful advice about the simple editor - I'll do some investigating. At the moment I keep getting to the point where I can upload the next chapter and then I'm excited about getting it up so neglect to figure out the formatting properly.but you're not the first to mention it so I'll definitely sort it out.

Thank you thank you for all your comments on the characters. I'm so glad to hear people are enjoying them because I so enjoy writing them. I'll do some work with Joe and Oz because they're huge fun to write and I definitely don't want them to seem rushed.

This is such a lovely review and has made me really happy.

In other news, I saw your request for 'Hear Us Roar' and literally squealed with excitement, so will be making a visit to your page in the near future.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #11, by Ribbons 

23rd August 2014:
Mwahahaha! I've reviewed before you even asked!

So without hesitating or pausing for breath I galloped into the next chapter (this one) and thoroughly enjoyed it. More Albus Potter? Some brain-damaged Slytherins who like to cuddle? Scorp's FANGIRL? I mean, my brain just about exploded!

I,of course, couldn't say no to more Albus time and I wanted him and Ollie to talk to each other again SO BADLY. I'm glad they didn't though, because that would have been WAY too soapy for anyone's good. I'll be content with the fact that they were in a close vicinity to each other *sigh*.

Before I go on I'd like to ask you a few things...WHERE ARE CHAPTERS 6, 7 and 8? Get writing, because I don't think I can bear the idea of not having any more of this to read! PLEASE! For me?

Back to the STORY story: I like the fangirl intro and can't wait for the plot with that, and am waiting with baited breath for more Merlin (what's his real name? I've forgotten...), so I'm pretty hyped. And Laura? Whew. That's tough.

So here's my status: lying on my bedroom floor with a blanket rooting for Ollie, attempting to control my love for Little Potter, shouting (hopefully in my mind) at Merlin, who I still hate, and crooning at Oz and Joe because they're cute.

I'm going to go ahead and read chapter five and please UPDATE SOON!

With enough love to drown out all the bad deeds of the universe, I'm signing off.

Cheers,

Alena

Author's Response: Haha you are absolutely wonderful. This made me review made me laugh and brought me lots and lots of joy. I love all the things you mentioned so am very glad you do too :)

Chapter six has in the queue for a few days and I'm halfway through writing chapter seven so hopefully there won't be too much of a wait!

Thank you for all the lovely comments,

Emma xx


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Review #12, by Gabriella Hunter 

20th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm super early this time! I didn't have any other stories in my thread and I wasn't busy so I was super excited to get back to this!

So, Olivia and Scor in this chapter were really great, I think. I like looking at their friendship without Cassie being there, I was able to see what tied them together and while I would have liked a bit more conversation between them, I think you hinted at some other troubling things with Scorpius especially. I'm not sure why but the fact that he was sort of shopping his cares away struck me--he was obviously a lot more upset about Cass than he would have wanted to admit so I'm curious to see how that will develop later on. Also, I liked the addition of the new characters too, Oscar and Joe remind me a lot of Fred and George so they were a riot to read. The only thing is that I would have liked a bit more description on them, I wasn't able to put a clear face on them just yet and by the time Esther arrived, I couldn't really picture them all together. Its just a minor thing though, a few details here and there could make the difference but I really liked the idea of Clara Zabini for some reason. Hahahah. I want to see Scorpius running away from her and also, would he use her as a way to make Cass jealous? I kind of hope he does but on the other hand, I'm not sure how that would work out. Hm...

Also, what on earth did Olivia do to her hamster? Hahahaha.

I think that something more might be going on with Cassie at the moment from what Scor and Olivia were saying. Why haven't they heard from her? I would have liked to have gotten a clearer idea but perhaps she's hiding from Scor? D':

This last part was my favorite of the entire chapter. Its great to see Albus again and my goodness, I feel so sorry for the guy! What a horrible girlfriend! I think that you set up his vulnerabilities very well here, I'm able to really understand a bit more about his character. All of his fears make sense too and I'm glad that you kept them realistic instead of having him being the exact replica of his father. That's a bit boring in my opinion, I like this worried, anxious Albus that's not sure of himself. I hope you play around with that more.

But Olivia and Scorpius heard the entire conversation so I wonder how its going to come into play later? I can hardly wait for that! D':

I think besides the bits of details that I mentioned earlier, I would actually make fuller paragraphs. This chapter went rather quickly so I wasn't able to really sink into it the way I would have liked to. Adding more details and condensing the shorter sentences would help but otherwise, its really good! I hope you re-request soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thank you for the lovely lovely review. I'm so glad you mentioned everything you did. I'll definitely put in some more descriptions of the new characters - it hadn't occurred to me that I hadn't done that so that's super helpful. I'll make sure to take all your feedback on when I come back and edit this again.

Anyway, thank you thank you for all your feedback and for getting here so quickly! You know I'll probably be back with a rerequest in the near future.

I'll get your review to you probably tomorrow - looking forward to starting your Molly/OC

Lots of love,

Emma x


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Review #13, by crestwood 

31st July 2014:
Hello again!

I very much appreciate that this chapter is dialogue heavy. Some people may not like the style, but personally I like to learn about characters through what I can infer through what they say and it leaves space for some funny moments and excellent drama. You are also simply good at writing interesting dialogue, so I think that you're fine in regards to that.

Your characters are great. Scorpius taking forever to pick out clothes and literally running and hiding from an obsessive girl with a crush on him is pretty amusing. Joe and Oscar are absolutely hilarious and just perfect in every way. I hope they become important to the plot because they can only improve any given chapter. Really love them.

The real stinger of this chapter was of course what we overheard with Al. He and Laura kind of stole the show here and gave this chapter some dramatic gravity. I understand exactly why Al is mad, as that breach of trust was admittedly pretty huge and I totally agree with him, but somewhere deep down I feel really bad for Laura at the same time. She genuinely seems sorry and it doesn't seem like she knew what she was getting into at the time. Rose and Al's conversation afterward was touching as well. I'm curious to see what Louis is like because he's one of those characters that people tend to write in a multitude of ways.

I wonder why Scorpius reacted like he did at the end! Seems like more awesome drama on the way, especially with Cassie who is totally missing in action (!!!) I'm going to be angry with her if she does not tell Scorpius that she loves him too! I hope her aloof nature doesn't cause a riff in their relationship because I quite liked it. Can't wait to see how to weave Al further into the main storyline. Your characters are great and writing style is your own and very effective in my opinion. I can dig the dialogue! Thank you for your re-request! I've gone ahead and added this to my reading list, so I'll be back whether or not you request again. Really great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and the characters.

I'm glad you mentioned Louis because I'm really looking forward to writing him.

Emma x


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Review #14, by TidalDragon 

28th July 2014:
Well that was certainly more on Albus! While it explains plenty about the collapse of the relationship between he and Laura, it also felt a bit too easy for me. Since he's going to be important to the story, I'd be careful about just how much you let show of him early because as the story moves on you'll need to have more to reveal of him to readers so you don't want to burn too much now (especially when it comes to dark secrets). I think for example that you could have made your point involving Laura without actually revealing the secrets themselves, letting you have the best of both worlds. Just a thought.

At the same time, I thought that was probably the most compelling part of the chapter, mostly because in another dialogue-heavy one, you slowed down there with tags, demeanor, and tone and emphasized it better. That sort of thing is what you should chase with your dialogue more frequently because it increases its impact. When you cut out some of the less useful dialogue and replace it with strong description and/or inner thoughts, then you'll get to where you want to be.

For me, we didn't see enough of the new characters to comment on them, but I will say overall that I think your pace is fine. I'd just work on balance, impact, and word choice going forward to amplify what you have.

Hope the reviews helped! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all the reviews. I'm really happy to hear your thoughts on all the chapters rather than just the first - it's been really helpful to see you've got similiar criticisms of all four and calls up a few things for me to work on so thanks for that.

I'm glad you thought the Albus/Laura conversation was the most compelling. I enjoyed writing it and it's good to hear that it worked. It's also helped me understand a bit more what you mean when you've been talking about slowing down the dialogue so that's really useful feedback.

Thanks for putting in the time to review, it's been really constructive criticism.

Emma x


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Review #15, by Irishseeker 

28th July 2014:
I loved Joe and Oscar, they were so funny! I also
liked how you focused on two new characters for
the main bit of this chapter and we get to see Al
and Laura's relationship and the drama was good.
Rose and Al was so cute too. I love Cassie and
Scorp's relationship too, can't wait to read why
he isn't talking to Olivia.
Brilliant writing! x

Author's Response: Hiya,

Thanks for the lovely review. I'm really happy to hear you're enjoying it.

Emma x


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Review #16, by AdinaPuff 

27th July 2014:
Emmma!

OH EM GEE. Neither of them have heard from Cassie?! IS SHE MISSING? No she can't be! What happened?!

I am LURVINNGGG Joey and Oscar. Like absolutely adoring them. They're so hilarious, and a great pair of best mates. Like I love their playful bantering and such. They're fabulouss! They remind me of Fred and George a bit, and what i've always picture Fabian and Gideon to be like. Honestly, I love them. They're going to be amazing characters throughout the story, I feel it. And I agree with Olivia. I have NO idea how Esther deals with living with Joey. He's a lot to handle, it seems. He'd definitely be a good friend of mine, yanno... if he were real... and I was a witch... and I went to Hogwarts. And if I were a Slytherin. None of which I am. BUT IF I WERE, I would be Joey and Oscar's bestie. They're amazing characters. Well done writing them!

Wow. That Laura girl is evil. Who would do that to poor Al? And then go to him and have the nerve to say she loves him? Pftt. That's ridiculous. I love how Rose told her off. Go Rosie. And I love how you made the family so close even though you've barely spoken of them. But I already feel the closeness of the family, what with Rose telling him off, and Louis and Vic making sure Louis sees Al as soon as he's back in the country. It's sweet, despite the bitter situation, of course.

I'm loving the story you're shaping up here. I serious am dying for the next chapter. Thanks for the quick update! Please add another chapter soon!

-Leigh

Author's Response: Hey Leigh,

Thanks so so much for the lovely review. I still owe you a review - I promise I haven't forgotten about that.

I'm really glad you like Joey and Oscar. They're a lot of fun to write. I don't know if it's a problem or not that they're reminding people of Fred and George. It wasn't my intention.

And yeah, Laura's pretty awful. Louis will end up quite a big character in this so I'm looking forward to introducing him properly.

Your reviews make me so so happy so thanks very much,

Emma x


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