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19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Shanna18 

29th August 2016:
Hey, I write you here for tell you that I've just published first chap of your story.
Unfortunataly the site doesn't me permit to link you th story but if you write on web DELICATE HARRY POTTER FANFICTION-EFP... the name of authors is yours one, I made you a profile.
:) Shanna

Author's Response: Great, thanks for doing this :) x

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Review #2, by Unwritten Curse 

9th January 2016:
I love this. I love everything about it.

I love Cass and Scor. They are stinking adorable and they're good friends even though they act like jerks sometimes. That strikes me as the perfect characterization of a Slytherin. They act a big game but when it comes down to it they're there for their friends.

I continue to feel bad for Olivia in this chapter. That Howler made me SO angry. Of course Pansy is only thinking about herself in this moment. When she questioned how good of a daughter Olivia was, I just wanted to shake her! Maybe if you'd been a good mother, your daughter would've stayed to comfort you! But seeing as you've been a totally self-absorbed JERK, she had every right to leave. So there.

Oh, Draco. I have all the feels. You've made him SO attractive here, though I'm already a fangirl so that wasn't hard to do. Haha! I love the last line, when he says that he's heard Pansy shouting before and usually at him. Hahahaha. Oh my goodness. This is exactly how I imagined him as an adult--vaguely embarrassed about his childhood, but still proud/unwilling to admit that he did wrong. It struck me as funny that he admitted to feeding Skeeter stories about Harry and co. and that he didn't seem to have any remorse. I just love him.

Off I go to the next chapter! I'm totally hooked.

--Gina

Author's Response: haha I'm so glad you liked Draco! I doubt my portrayal of him sometimes - kind of think he'd probably be a bit more damaged than this - but I hope that this is how he'd behave around his child and his friends.

Thanks again for taking the time to review :)

E x


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Review #3, by HufflePuff_Blitz 

3rd February 2015:
Okay... can I just start with... I want that sketch book so bad!
More on the topic I really enjoyed this chapter, and while I usually don't like Draco I actually liked him in this chapter.
Good ol skeeter :D
I'm just taking a guess but since the article was about Albus, I'm thinking that is who she is gonna end up with...
The Chosen Son, I love that! Do you mind if I use that?
Awesome!
-Kyle

Author's Response: You kept reading! I'm genuinely so happy about that :)

And absolutely, of course you can use The Chosen Son!

Thanks for the lovely review,

Emma xx


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Review #4, by maraudertimes 

27th December 2014:
Hiya Emma! Review swap!

OMG I understand why so many people have favourite this and why so many people have reviewed and why it won a Dobby (I never wondered why, it was always just like, okay I guess it's good), BECAUSE THIS WAS AWESOME!

Okay, first chapter was kinda hilarious in the "thank God that didn't happen to me way." Although tbh, I do not like Pansy, even now. She is so hung up on Draco it's awful, and she's an awful mother. Andrew or whatever his name is, well he's awful at the whole parenting thing too. Thank goodness Ollie has Scor and Cass and the Malfoys!

Okay, now more on this chapter...

Scor and Cass are amazing! I don't really have friends like that, nor do I have friends like Ollie, but I do wish I was one of them. They seem cool, laid back, basically everything I wish I could be. *hides head in shame* But honestly, they are so cute and their banter is exceptionally hilarious. No doubt in my mind why you won the Dobby because your dialogue is perfection!

I really liked how you introduced more things about Olivia in this chapter - namely her tendency to draw and that she's not particularly interested in studying for NEWTS. It's really cool how you're able to seamlessly thread that into the story without coming out and directly yelling it to the reader - I really liked that!

And then the morning scene? Perfection! I liked how you portrayed Draco as a nice guy, also willing to admit when he's done something stupid such as feed stories to Rita Skeeter. And, I adored the fact that Scor and Cass were trying to keep Scor's parents from finding out that they spend nights together by having Cass wake up early and go sleep in the same bed as Ollie, but really they aren't doing a stellar job of covering anything else up. :P But I find that a good thing since it kinda seems like something teenagers would do!

I really loved this and hopefully I can come back to it soon because this is an awesome story!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And thank you for reviewing this chapter rather than the first - I really appreciate your taking the extra time to give some feedback on a chapter with less reviews :)

Pansy is awful. I hope it'll make a little more sense later on, but she's definitely not a good mother. Ollie very much focusses on her friends rather than her family.

Thank you for liking Scor and Cass! I had so much fun writing their dialogue in this chapter, and all your comments are exactly what I wanted to come across from them.

The morning scene wasn't initially in my plan, but it somehow came out and I enjoyed it. I always think Draco would have mellowed out somewhat after the war, especially once he married, although I'm not sure he was admitting to his feeding Rita stories being stupid. I think he finds it quite funny :)

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!

Emma xx


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Review #5, by marauderfan 

15th December 2014:
eep! I couldn't help it, had to keep reading, besides this chapter needs more reviews.

I love that they all sit on the rooftop at Christmas. The roof was always my favourite part of my house growing up, haha!

I really like Scorpius and Cassie. They seem like such great people and I really love the friendship that the three of them have! I like that they and Olivia could all hang out together and I was thinking how cool it was that they never made her a third wheel, but then they did. :p Ah well, it happens :p

Omg Rita Skeeter still writing the worst gossipy excuse for news. WHY IS THIS IN THE NEWSPAPER? Tomorrow's headline: "ALBUS POTTER STUBS TOE." I swear. That woman needs to get a life :p but I kind of loved that you included her in here!

I like the way you've written Draco Malfoy. Granted we haven't seen him interacting with any of his old school enemies, but he seems to have matured a lot and is a pretty decent guy, at least at this point.

Reading this story makes me wonder why I had never read anything by you before, because you're a wonderful writer! I'm sure I'll be back :)

Author's Response: Haha, and thank you for continuing to read!

Writing Scorpius and Cassie is extremely satisfying. I really enjoy both of their characters and am a big fan of writing strong friendships, so thank you for commenting on that :)

And I couldn't resist throwing Rita in there...

Honestly thank you so much for giving such lovely feedback. It really means a lot :)

Emma x


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Review #6, by slytherinchica08 

19th September 2014:
Another interesting chapter! I really liked this chapter as it gave a wonderful look into her relationships with her friends. It was really cute to see and I loved the dynamic of their friendship. Cassie seems to be the one that's a little more outgoing and willing to do anything and then there is Scorpius who is busy doting on Cassie but yet very much his own person.

The bit with Draco was probably my favorite bit of this chapter. It was really refreshing to show this side of him. A side where yes he had done some things in his past that maybe weren't the best but yet he was a changed man now, one who still chuckled at his childish antics. Also the fact that he admitted to receiving letters from Pansy, some of which were rather heated, was a nice little addition as well.

I feel bad that Olivia has to go back home and deal with her mother, as its pretty obvious that her mother knows nothing about her and that they don't get on very well. Altogether I thought that this was a wonderful chapter and I really look forward to reading the next and seeing how Albus is going to play into everything!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review :)

Cassie's definitely more outgoing than the others, but that's not to say they're shy. And I'm really glad you think Scorpius is still his own person despite how much attention he pays Cassie. I was aware that was a balance I had to be careful to get right.

Thank you so much for liking Draco! I really enjoyed writing him and definitely think he'd have changed and grown up since school, but I'm always a bit anxious that he might seem out of character.

I really appreciate the reviews and I'm so glad you're enjoying reading!

Emma xx


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Review #7, by Kira 

12th September 2014:
Cassie seems really cool. I found her funny and can see why Ollie likes her. You write their friendship really well. It's very true to life.

And I like Scor so far. He's so obviously in love with Cassie and I love that.

And Draco's friendly! But in a good way! I'm going to accept that as head canon.

Kira xoxo

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked Draco like this! I always hope this is how he grows up to be.

Thanks for the lovely review!

Emma x


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Review #8, by Roisin 

8th September 2014:
*SQUEE* I am officially madly in love with this story!

From the summary and opening lines, I never thought this story would handle such heavy material--but you do it with such a light touch! The first line of this chapter was just so brilliant!

Your teenage characters are amazingly well done, and the details are all so on point. The intimacy, the banter, the bad behavior. I HAVE BEEN IN THIS PRECISE SITUATION. I KNOW THIS!

And Cass is just perfect. I love when people do Alpha B-s properly. They're often the villains of stories, but in the real world, to their friends, they can be amazing and intoxicating, and fiercely loving. There's a reason they have friends. I know Cassies! She actually reminds me a LOT of one of my best friends at that age.

And Cass and Scor cupcaking shamelessly was also really perfect. Just, so many things were wonderful. Borrowing clothes so casually, the morning exchange between Cass and Olivia. This is exactly how kids act (not necessarily ALL kids, but enough of them). And still, you managed here to set up a lot of character points that I'm excited to see develop.

I never had any existing headcanon for adult Draco, but this is now it. I totally buy him being an especially lenient parent--after everything he went through in the war, I imagine his bar for acceptable behavior might be rather low. Also, he's probably just so pleased to have his child, that he'd indulge, and be less fussy than other parents.

Plus, the sort of awkward/sort of familiar way Olivia interacted with him was also really realistic. You just are NAILING IT with this story!

And CREEVEY AND THOMAS! Nice canon! (I've read a bunch of Teh Tarik, so I have a special place for Dennis now!)

I could probably go through every single sentence of this chapter, and tell you why it was perfect. And again, I didn't find a SINGLE place that I thought could have been improved. It was exactly as it should have been, and I adored every second of it!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Roisin! Thank you again for such a lovely lovely review! I just got all the review notifications from you and now I'm smiling like a loon.

I'm so so glad you find them convincing as teenagers. I've based a lot of the dialogue on my own experiences (not so much the plot, though) so I'm really happy that it works.

I kind of adore Cassie, even though I know I might hate her in real life. She's really good fun and I think it makes sense that Olivia would be drawn to her. A kind of safety comes with that level of self confidence. Your use of the word 'intoxicating' is perfect - might have to borrow that for a later chapter...

And I'm so glad you buy Draco this way! A few people have said he seems a bit too kind and I was worried he might seem out of character, but this is always how I've imagined him ageing. He's desperate to be a better father than Lucius was but isn't entirely sure how to go about it, leaving him seeming pretty lax as a parent but good fun.

'Creevey and Thomas' is an idea I quite enjoy, maybe I'll write a one-shot about its founding. I don't know, it just kind of seemed to work.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Everything you've said is extremely kind.

Emma xx


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Review #9, by Unicorn_Charm 

8th September 2014:
Hey Emma! Back again. :)

Your Rita article was SO perfect! How on earth did you write such an astoundingly accurate representation of Rita Skeeter? It was flawless! Well done on that!

It's so interesting reading a fic from a Slytherin's POV. Normally I read Gryffindor POV's, but I'm finding myself really enjoying this. I loved that line Scorpius gave about being a Slytherin and not needing to be chivalrous or following though on anything. I thought that was really funny. I like Scorpius so far. He doesn't seem *too* snooty. Nothing at all like Draco was when he was younger.

Cassie doesn't seem too bad. I mean, you can tell that if you're not in her social circle, she'd have nothing to do with you, but it does seem she cares for Olivia and Scorpius a great deal. They're present to her was very sweet and thoughtful.

Creevey and Thomas was absolutely brilliant! With Dean being the best artist in the Hogwarts Era and, I'm sure, Dennis found a love of photography and art after Colin died. It's only natural for the two of them to run of business that would sell art supplies. I thought that was really well thought out.

Draco actually seemed like a decent human being. And he made a joke! But, they are Slytherin, non Muggle-Born, teens that are staying in his house. I'm sure that makes all the difference. I'm actually very curious as to what Pansy still writes Draco regarding... Hmmm.

Once again, I really enjoyed this! I can't wait to read on and see how the story progresses. :)

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg!

Thank you again for such a wonderful review!

I really enjoyed writing the Rita article. It seemed like the kind of thing she'd pick up on, and I couldn't imagine she'd really have calmed down since Harry's school days, but maybe she'll steer clear of actual lies this time.

And I usually read Gryffindor POVs, but it's really interesting to write a Slytherin instead. I think it allows for some different kinds of characters which I'm really enjoying. I'm glad you like Scorpius! He's one of my favourites. Cassie I'm less sure about but I do enjoy writing her.

I'm happy you enjoyed 'Creevey and Thomas'. It's just a little thing but I quite liked the idea.

And yes, I think marriage and being away from his father mellowed Draco out a bit. He's trying hard to be a better father than Lucius was to him.

As to what Pansy's writing to Draco about, it's not supposed to be anything too important. I think she just still convinces herself that they're great friends and looks to him for advice etc, which he's not very keen to give.

Thank you again for such a lovely review! I'll be getting back to your stories in a bit :)

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #10, by Midnight spark 

23rd August 2014:
Make sure you eat a high protein breakfast, darling.

Haha. That one made me laugh. A lot. By the way, I'm here with our review swap!

I loved this chapter a lot! Well, I love the story in general. I'm really sorry for the wait.

So here, I'll point out your good things, and leave the bad things for the beta-ing. That cool?

So first of all, I love the relationship between Cassie and Scorp. It was nice to see it form a third person. And I love Cassie's personality, what with the cool, uncaring facade she puts on. And of course, Olivia is so beautifully portrayed that I've started to believe she's real. And Scorpius was, is and will be my favorite.

Lovely chapter, I'll beta it soon!

~Sanaa

Author's Response: Hi Sanaa!

Thanks for the lovely review! That line makes me laugh too - slightly unacceptable to laugh at my own writing...but Pansy said it, not me :) - so I'm really glad you liked it.

Looking forward to your betaing, don't worry about rushing - I doubt I'll be editing this properly for a while.

Thanks for the swap, let me know if you ever want to do another!

Emma x


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Review #11, by Ribbons 

22nd August 2014:
AH BRILLIANCE!

Once again, you astound me with your incredible ability to write characters and dialogue SO WELL! I really need to take a page out of your book, honey.

First of all, your characters are so realistic, funny and fresh that I can't stop giggling as I read about them. You slip in little sentences (the boy's a slob) and make me laugh, as well as telling us more important information about them as a person.

I LOVE IT!

Then, there's the dialogue, which is perfection. Easy one-liners beating their friendship into a steady rhythm. You've nailed every one of them: Scorp, Cassie and Olivia (loved how they called her Ollie on her Christmas present. Cute). How do you do it?

Along with the undying, 'why do slugs exist?' that's the main question in my life right now. Quite remarkable.

Anyway, moving on to saner matters, I also ADORED the whole setup/approach to the Malfoy family. They really are unique, and that's saying something considering how many versions of them there are. Although at times Lucius seemed a bit too...NICE, I'll let it slid, at least until you fill me in on the details of his personality surgery. Hello Mr. Nice Guy!

Well, I really have no other critiques for you...wait, I didn't have any in the first place...I can't wait to read the next chapter and hope that you write for eternity!

Much, much, much, MUCH love,

Alena

Author's Response: Alena! Thank youu this is such a wonderfully lovely review and you've given me all warm fuzzy feelings :)

Thanks for all your kind words and support. I'll try my best to write for eternity :)

Also I totally see what you mean about Draco (assuming Lucius was a typo) and will try to explain that a bit better later in the story. Basically I think having a family that loves him changed him. I reckon Narcissa would have changed her treatment of him after the war, and then Astoria brings out the best in him. I'm super excited to write Astoria later in the story.

Thank you thank you,

Lots of love,

Emma x


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Review #12, by Veritaserum27 

21st August 2014:
Hello!

I'm tagging you from review tag!

I'm falling more in love with this story with every chapter. I loved the scene on the roof. Cassie and Scorpius seem like a fantastic couple. But more important is the easy friendship between these three. They obviously know each other very well and care about each other, too. The gift was an excellent example of this. In the first chapter, I sort of felt like Olivia was a bit jealous of their relationship (maybe even hinting that she was interested in Scorp), but there was none of that here.

Cassie and Scorp seem to be pretty deeply in love. They seem like a couple that is beyond just a pair of friends that has turned into deeper feelings. I also have a suspicion as to why Cassie wasn't drinking - although I don't think she should've been smoking either.

I love that you've given each character their own personality, Cassie especially. I think that is a common mistake with writers, to make every character the same - and you've done just fine with it.

Draco was great. He seems much calmer than he was in his Hogwarts days and I didn't even feel any animosity toward the golden trio! He seemed more amused than anything. It is interesting to note how he feels about Pansy - great job with showing us instead of telling.

Great chapter!

Beth

Author's Response: Hey Beth,

Nice to hear from you again :)

Thank you so much for all the feedback. You've picked up on all the things I wanted from the characters so that's made me cheerful.

Ooo I definitely didn't want to imply that Olivia was jealous of Scor and Cassie's relationship. I'm glad this chapter resolved that because it wasn't my intention (although I think Olivia and Scor would make a pretty great couple if they saw each other that way...).

I'm really glad you liked Draco. I worried that he might seem a bit out of character but I really think he would have changed and grown up once he left Hogwarts and had some more freedom from his Father.

Thanks for a lovely review!

Emma x


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Review #13, by milominderbinder 

21st August 2014:
Review tag!

I actually reviewed chapter one of this for review tag the other day too, haha, and I really liked it so I'm glad I got to read the next chapter now!

The howler thing was great! Weirdly I hardly ever see them crop up in fics... you'd think they'd be a much more popular device, haha.

I really like Cassie and Scorpius. I think you introduced them really well here, and we really got a feel for their relationship and their relationship with Olivia, too. It's obvious they're all really close, and you can feel the loyalty in that friendship, even though they kind of tease each other you can feel that they love each other too. I'm glad Olivia has friends like that, when she's going through something so tough!

You write dialogue very well! Though there wasn't a ton of plot in this chapter really, I feel like we really got to know the characters well through their dialogue. That can be a hard thing to make sound natural, so well done.

One thing I'd mention is that formatting wise, there were some pretty big spaces between lines here? But it doesn't detract from the story too much, and I know extremely well how tricky hpff's editor can be about things like that, so I wouldn't worry about it too much! But if you ever edit this chapter that's one thing to think about.

~Maia

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the howler. I think they're so much fun and am surprised they're not used here more often.

Cassie and Scorpius are some of my favourites to write and I think their friendship with Olivia is (while not uncomplicated0 something special so thank you for picking up on that :)

The spacing is definitely something I need to edit. I just can't quite bring myself to do it...but I will one day, I promise.

Thanks for the lovely review!

Emma x


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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter 

9th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I was sick and things weren't going well with my tummy yesterday. It was not at all pleasant. Hahaha.

Anyhoo, on to this! So I really did enjoy getting back to Olivia, I was wondering what you were going to do after that explosive first chapter and I have to say that I wanted just a little bit more. I think that you set up your new characters well though, I certainly think Cassie is someone that I'm going to have to grow to like. I think she came off a bit too hard? I would have liked to have seen a softer side of her without the snark but I think you can have another chance at that but I do enjoy her outspoken personality, she doesn't mince words, does she? I also liked the little bit of information you gave on her own family situation but I would have liked to have gotten to see how that made Cassie feel, perhaps even a paragraph or two on how that's affected her. Scorpius on the other hand I really wanted to know more about, I felt like he was just kind of lingering in the scene instead of being fully in it, I kind of got a grasp of him but I'd like a tad more from him in the next few chapters. I couldn't get a sense of how he felt about his own family very much so if you added in a bit more with that, it would give him a lot more depth. He does have a great sense of humor though and I would like to know how he and Cassie started dating too, I'd like to know how they balance each other out. Hahaha.

Now, Mr. Malfoy came as a bit of a surprise for me because I'm so used to seeing a rather mopey Draco in various fanfics. Its nice to see him smiling and trying to joke around instead of hovering in the shadows and brooding so I really enjoyed him! Also, that little article in the Daily Prophet had me laughing a bit, who makes an entire article based off of Albus Potter's love life? Rita Skeeter of course! Hahaha. I wonder, will we be seeing more of Albus in the future? Does he pay a larger role in this story? I certainly hope so! :D

That Howler! Agh! I was wondering how that was going to go and I wonder what sort of trouble Olivia is going to be in when she goes home? I can't wait to see what you do with her family dynamics too, I hope that you won't be stingy and keep this story to yourself! :D

All in all though, I think that this was a good chapter and aside from what I mentioned before, it was a fast paced read and I didn't spot any major grammar issues either. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for all the super helpful feedback. I'll definitely think about your notes on characters when I come back to edit this. I don't think there is much soft about Cassie right now but I'll make sure to develop Scorpius further.

I'm glad you like the Rita Skeeter article. It seemed a bit silly but is very similar to what she did to Harry so I didn't think it was unbelievable. Albus is going to feature in a big way :)

I love your reviews. They're really constructive and make a big difference.

Thank you thank you,

Emma x


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Review #15, by simplelullaby 

30th July 2014:
Hey Emma, it's simplelullaby from the review forum! Cheers for rerequesting, this story's pretty great so itís a pleasure! (I may or may not have already read the other two chapters :P)

Okay, onto your review

Technical: Your formatting looks a little spacey, I think there's double spaces between paragraphs. I read something while going over the rules for the fiftieth time, and I think that it has something to do with copying and pasting directly from your word processor. If you paste as plain text instead of the normal paste then this should be sorted.

Your paragraphs are a little small as well, you might want to join some together, or add more description in order to make them a little bigger?

Characterisation:

This was a very character-based chapter, and you did it very well! Taking a chapter to introduce Cassie and Scorpius (I think you only mentioned Scorpius in the last chapter but it was great to have Olivia mention him before so he doesn't just pop out of nowhere) was a good move.

I loved the differences in Olivia around her friends as opposed to her family. There was no talk of her weight or her looks in a demeaning way, she automatically started looking at the world around her more positively as opposed to the last chapter when she was judging everyone very harshly and worrying about her appearance. The contrast between her formal dress, and the hoodie she stole from Scorpius' bedroom was a good example of little details you added to puff out Olivia's character more. As we all act differently around different groups of people, this was a great wee development to her character.

I like your version of Scorpius, though he doesn't get as much spotlight as Cassie. Cassie is great too, you've really taken to time to flesh out her character, make her a real and different person from Olivia (it's a trap most people fall into when introducing more than one OC). I particularly love your dialogue in this chapter, it really helps to characterise well. The part where Cassie and Olivia were in bed, and Cassie said "I will punch you in the face" was my favourite part!

One point to add to make it a little better characterisation-wise. Linger a little on the descriptions of your characters, of their movements and the way the react. Your dialogue is vey good, but padding it out a little with more description and the like will make it even better.

Plot:

This did seem like a little bit of a filler chapter, but a necessary one at that. As I said before, you needed a chapter to introduce Cassie and Scorp, I think they're going to be pretty important throughout the story? Setting it at Malfoy manner, having Olivia meet Draco (who is surprising grown up and not stuck in limbo like Pansy) was a favourite part of mine. Of course, I have a soft spot for Pansy, so the Howler was perfect. I can now just imagine her writing one a week as the whim hits her, and everyone in the Great Hall at Hogwarts just carrying on with their breakfasts because Olivia getting Howlers from her mum is just a normal occasion now. Brilliant!

Flow-wise, it did seem a bit hurried. Adding a little more description here and there will sort that right out though!

Setting:

I didn't see much description of setting, apart from the brilliant description of the Malfoy's roof, kitted out with every charm under the sun to make sure it was comfortable for everyone to sit on, even if it was snowing outside. Make sure you include setting description here and there so your characters don't just look like little blobs in your readers mind!

Overall: Brilliant chapter, really set the tone and captured Scorpius, Cassie and Olivia as a unit as opposed to just Olivia against her entire bonkers family. Maybe to improve it, you could add a little more description, and have a point where Olivia reminisces on the events previous. It does seem a little weird that she doesn't dwindle on the fact that her dad is cheating on her mum. Other than that, great writing!

Hope you liked my review, and feel free to rerequest as always,

Keep Writing,

~Aimee~

Author's Response: Aimee you are wonderful. Your reviews make me super happy as well as being really helpful and constructive so thanks so much for that. I've had some other feedback about not mentioning setting enough so I'm glad you pointed that out. It's definitely something I'll work on in future chapters and when editing. I'm really glad you're enjoying this and will definitely rerequest if that's okay!

Thank you thank you,

Emma x


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Review #16, by TidalDragon 

28th July 2014:
Hello again!

So this chapter gave us a bit more of a glimpse into the artist inside Olivia. I still think her descriptions were rather simple, but when she zoned in on the subjects of her work (Cassie and Scorpius and then the sky), she got a little more detailed and it was clear you had given her a slightly different eye on things than a non-artist might have. Well done there.

For me the biggest thing that held this chapter back a bit was the balance of dialogue vs. description and internal thought. There were small portions that were laden with Olivia's thoughts and I think it's telling that those were some of the strongest sections in terms of description as well. While you did a good job using dialogue to advance the plot and develop the relationships at play here, I think more consideration by Olivia in particular of what is going on will take us deeper into her character, and consequently the story itself.

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: Hiya,

Again, really interesting to hear your thoughts on Olivia's way of thinking and how it fits her being an artist. I'll make sure to work on it in future chapters and when I come back to edit these again.

I'm used to enjoying dialogue in stories more than description but it's really good feedback to hear your ideas about that balance and I'll definitely consider it in future.

Thanks for such a thoughtful review,

Emma x


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Review #17, by CambAngst 

23rd July 2014:
Hi, Emma! Tagging you from Review Tag!

I really liked this chapter as a follow-up to the first. The first chapter felt a bit... exaggerated in places. Everything in Olivia's family was falling apart simultaneously and -- please don't take this the wrong way -- it had a slight "Griswold Family Christmas" feel to it. That's not at all a sin for first chapters. You need something bold to rope readers in. This chapter, however, was the perfect way to keep them involved. It was solid and easy to visualize and it had a lot of substance and gravity.

Cassie is a marvelous Slytherin. She's the sort of girl I always imagined as the true spirit of that house. She's not a dimwitted wannabe socialite the way that her mother was usually written in the books. She has an edge to her, but a big, warm heart where her friends are concerned. She seems like the type who makes a very small number of friends and becomes incredibly close to them. To the rest of the world, she's hard and intimidating. She also plainly loves Scorpius with a fiery passion. I liked her dialog, I liked the way you described her... she was just all-around awesome.

For his part, Scorpius is definitely a worthy heir to the Malfoy name. He has that somewhat haughty, aristocratic air about him, but he's also clearly defined himself as a different individual from his father. He engages in things that Draco never would have done, but he also brings a sense of style and panache to those activities. I'm not sure how much of that made sense, but the gist of it is that I really like the character.

Draco was pretty awesome, too. He's obviously mellowed with age, although plenty of that snarky condescension is still there. He behaves much more like a parent than anyone we saw in the last chapter, albeit a parent who isn't really going out of his way to police the children's every move. I'm guessing that's Astoria's job in their family. I liked the references to his past dealings with Hermione and Pansy. Especially Pansy.

Let's see, what else? The sketch book was a nice touch. I think it fit really well with Olivia's character. The dialog in this chapter was tight and snappy, which fit really well with the mood. Lastly, I didn't see a single typo or grammatical problem! Great job!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. I'm really glad to get some more feedback on this chapter. I was worried that chaper one seemed a bit overly dramatic so it's good you think this chapter balances it.

I'm really happy you still like the characters and don't think Draco is to OOC. I felt like he had a lot of room to develop as a character and thought once his Father had gone to prison he probably had a chance to mellow out a bit.

Thank you thank you for taking the time to review. I'll make sure to come back to your stories at some point soon.

Emma x


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Review #18, by maisie 

22nd July 2014:
cassie and scor are really cute. i think cass will end up one of my favourite characters. i like how you've made ollie an artist as well. this is really good it should have more reviews

Author's Response: Cassie's definitely one of my favourites. I really enjoyed writing her and Scor in this chapter. Thanks for the review x

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Review #19, by crestwood 

22nd July 2014:
Your introduction of Scorpius and Cassie was great. You've given us all of the necessary details about them without it being a boring old list of facts. You've shown us the extent that they care for each other in their relationship, but you've also made it clear that they in no way plan on shutting Olivia out of their friendship. I'd love to see all of their friendships further developed.

Mr. Malfoy was surprisingly relaxed and jokey with Olivia, but it seems she was just as surprised as I was. He could have just been in a good mood for the holidays, I suppose. The subtle foreshadowing about Albus through a Rita Skeeter article is a great idea, I have yet to meet him, but I'm already shipping them!

To be honest, I forgot all about Howlers. Like, until right now I haven't read about them for years. I never see them written about on here, but I like the scene a lot, especially because she mentions Draco while he's right there. I can just feel the awkwardness.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Glad to have reintroduced you to Howlers! It was a lot of fun to write. I'm not sure Pansy succeeded in making it as scary as Molly Weasley does but it seemed sufficiently dramatic. I wasn't sure about how to write Mr. Malfoy. I wanted him to have changed in the years since Hogwarts but I like to think he's still learning how to be completely relaxed. Thanks again for the reviews. It really helps me out x

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