Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by oldershouldknowbetter 

4th May 2016:
Hi there, tagging you back for the BvB.

Well we come to this chapter. In my reviews of the last few chapters, I've said that they were tidying up most of the strands of the first act of your story and setting up what we could all expect from the storyline to come. Well with this chapter the second act truly begins. We have a Rose and Scorpius who have stopped the dancing around each other and have declared their mutual love. We also know that we have two young people who are competent in their respective fields; more than competent really, they could shine and be truly great.

Thus do you set up your players ... and then you do this chapter to them.

Oh well, lets get into the review proper.

What makes the coming events even worse, is that it effectively destroys the fledgling steps that Rose is just beginning to take at the start of the chapter. In the last one she got the sudden idea to go out, she wanted to feel normal. Here we see her internal fortitude, what she thinks she lacks, coming to the fore; for example, is she about to have a panic attack - no, she controls it. Good for her.

Here is also where we start to get to know some of your supporting cast better. The story has been focused upon Rose and Scorpius primarily, which is where it had to be, but now that Rose's horizons are broadening, so too are the story's.

You introduce us to all of the people who are at the bar that night and with each one they all have a little bit of characterisation to go with them. The two exceptions are Selenia and Samara, no you give us extra with them. It is well done how you intertwine their physical descriptions with the description of the character of the two girls. We know Albus fairly well (though the hug which he gives Rose, reaffirms just how close the two of them are), and James too, it is good to now really come to terms with just whom their partners are.

Rose is so desperately trying to hide the gory details from everyone and largely it works. Even when she gives Scorpius a big smooch in front of everyone, it doesn't give it away. She diffuses her cousin's overprotective eye with a bit of throwing it back at him. I like the sass that you have brought out in this more confident Rose; when she feels comfortable and confident and happy, she can give as good as she gets.

You do at least give Rose a couple of hours of pleasure, of living life as a normal person might, before you drop the drama upon her. You even bring back into the story Astatine, having her work at the bar to support her meagre wages is a good device to do so, but I get the feeling (like me with Stephen) that you liked writing the character and so used any excuse to bring her back in.

And then Dom comes along. Ah, the character of Dom that you have already presented us with is one who is insightful but forthright, and she certainly shows it here. She immediately divines the secret that Rose wants to hide, and just as quickly blurts it out for everyone to hear. But Rose is relaxed and happy and more sanguine about the truth getting out than she was at the beginning of the night (and when she had less firewhiskey in her, may I also add).

You also have just a lovely scene with Albus. We see even more how close the two of them are, they will talk of things that neither of them would with any other. I do so like how you have Albus reaffirming how good the pair of Rose and Scorpius are together - how both of them have helped each other out of dark times. We know this, and Rose sort of knows this, but it harks back to the running theme that you had before, about how she was honest with everyone but herself. To have Albus straight out say it to her, she cannot deny it to herself any longer; she must accept that she is truly worthy of his love and it comes from more than mere attraction. A much deeper wellspring than that.

And that is when you drop Drama and Plot down upon our heads like a ton of bricks.

There is a disturbance in the club. The initial confusion when something like this happens you portray well, but then a glimpse through the crowd reveals, dum dum dah, Death Eaters.

You write the action very well. The confusion that the characters feel about what's going on and why, is never shared by your readers. The actions of all your cast are spot on in character, are all clearly delineated and come from a logical extrapolation from who they are.

Albus and Scorpius are competent and rise immediately to the challenge. But poor Rose, once again when confronted with a situation that is out of her comfort zone, fails at it. Her nerves get the better of her and she fails to preform the spells that she needs to. But within her comfort zone - that of caring for other people - she is still strong. She doesn't forget that not only is Lily not with them, she is probably alone. Rose will not leave the bar without her, against the protestations of Scorpius. Though he understands too and goes with her to find Lily, at the insistence of Albus (which will take on a greater importance in a chapter to come).

When they find Lily, Rose also finds out that the Death Eaters are here because of her. Though as she later points out, the 'Red' could have also applied to her. This we know will do a lot of harm to Rose's mental well-being. She will blame herself for every injury and death in the place, just because 'she felt like going out'. *sigh*

But again you show that whilst she is lousy in combat, she is great when she has to care for and protect someone - as she disappears from the bar and takes Lily with her.

A dramatic chapter, the true start of the second act of your story, filled with delicious characterisation and thrilling action. Well done.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

 Report Review

Review #2, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

21st September 2015:
She finally goes out FOR ONCE and this happens?!? Ugh!! Poor Rose! And 1 - Death Eaters?!? How? Why? And 2 - WHAT IN THE WORLD DO THEY WANT WITH ROSE?! Can everybody just please leave Rose alone and let her be happy? Sheesh!!

I really, really hope everyone is okay! *Flies to next chapter*

Author's Response: Hey there,

I know, right?! Poor Rose, she really, REALLY doesn't deserve this. I think all your questions will be answered in the next few chapters.

I'm heading to the next review!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 

12th August 2015:
Beth! Here for our swap, and also the BvB Review Fest. :D

Shame on me for not reviewing this for SEVEN MONTHS, seriously, what is my deal...?

Ooh, okay, so here I was thinking that this chapter was going to be sort of fun and lighthearted, going to the pub, having good times...I should've been smarter, because when the commotion happened, I was completely unprepared. How much are you going to torture these characters?!

Haha, just kidding. It's part of what makes the story great, right? Yes.

So, the fun part first: I was pretty sure that it wasn't a great idea for Rose to "go out," but once she and Scorpius were at the pub, it did seem like it was going to be okay. She had a bit of an episode, but she managed to talk herself down from it, which is tremendous. I think it's super sad that she hasn't gone out in awhile because of all the bad, bad things that have happened to her. If she didn't already have an anxiety disorder, the stuff that happened with Stannous was definitely enough to trigger episodes of anxiety. And dare I forget that she was at a party in the beginning, when that guy tried to kidnap her...? So coming out to The Quaffle was a really big step for her.

I really like the closer look that we get of everyone and their significant others and things. It sort of gives me an idea of what to imagine for each character! There was definitely a bit more description of clothes than I've seen in other chapters of this story, but I think it was necessary and not at all out of place. You described Selenia and Samara's outfits without getting all caught up in specifics, like the brands they were wearing or something (which might've been overkill). So great job with that! :D

(Haha, I have this funny feeling that when Rose says she's "making up for lost time," she's talking about a little more than just Firewhiskey.)

A few things here: In one paragraph, which begins with "I was startled by a crushing force," and ends with Rose's line of dialogue, it needs to be split up. Albus speaks before Rose during that paragraph, so her speech needs to be in a separate paragraph. (That's just a formatting thing.)

And then during the commotion caused by the Death Eaters, Rose says "Studdify." I was thinking that it was a mistake and it was supposed to be "Stupefy," but I saw at the end how she garbled "Expelliarmus" too. Was the "Studdify" a mistake? Or was it because she was slurring due to Firewhiskey? I was just a little confused there.

Anyway, now on to the part that I don't like to think about: The Death Eater invasion.

I think that if your characters were able to talk to you, they would shake their fists and yell, "Can you just let me LIVE?!" because they--especially Rose--go through so much from chapter to chapter, haha. It makes for stressful nailbiting episodes for me, because I'm always lulled into this false sense of security--especially since you prefaced the invasion with a nice party atmosphere! Tricky, tricky.

Ah, yes, rereading the last bit, I can see that Rose was quite drunk by the time the Death Eaters showed up, which explains her mispronunciation of "Stupefy" and her confusion at why it doesn't work. Basically, none of these poor babies are completely equipped to deal with baddies in their drunken or half-drunken states, and just >:{ why do Death Eaters ruin EVERYTHING?! It's very telling of her character that she's concerned about Lily, about Dom, about everyone before herself, even though she's really really in danger, since the guys were specifically targeting her. God, I hope that she doesn't Splinch herself or Lily while she's Disapparating...

This totally took a turn from a cute little pub gathering to a Death Eater-infused nightmare! And while I'm not okay with that on MANY levels, I am also in awe of your ability to have these contrasting situations within the same chapter. As always, I am super attached to your characters and IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE ONES THAT STAYED BEHIND TO FIGHT I WILL BE SO UPSET.

{sorry for yelling.}

Hopefully I shall be back sooner (rather than later) to see what happens next! :O

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory,

Thanks so much for doing a swap! I absolutely LOVE getting your reviews. You've helped me SO much to make this story more polished and you always pick up on things that no one else notices - ♥ ♥

So a little bit of a confession, here. I really, REALLY didn't want to make this story overly dramatic - with tons of cliffhangers and the on-again, off-again relationship between the two main characters. But... it sorta happened without me realizing it and part of me wants to punch myself for being so cliche and the other part feels like I followed the story in its natural course so I should just let that go and... yeah... that's pretty much the internal conversation I have with myself over it all the time ;)

One thing I have tried really hard to pace is Rose's recovery. I really didn't want it to seem like everything would go POOF and be all better once she and Scorpius got together, but more like she had to take baby steps and learn to lean on people a *little* bit while discovering that she's got a lot of her own strength to draw from: Enter the mini panic attack as she and Scorpius first arrive at the Quaffle and the comforting 'corner' with all her friends and relatives.

Hee hee - Yes. Rose is definitely referring to more than just making up for lost time with her friends ;)

I fixed the dialogue in that paragraph that you mentioned and moved Rose's line to a new paragraph - thanks for pointing that out!!

"Studdify" is Rose simply messing up the spell. She does not do well in battle situations (as you saw at the end of the chapter). I'm sure the Firewhiskey didn't help, but the real reason she messed it up is because she panicked. This gets addressed in the next chapter (I think) and it comes up later in the story too.

Haha - it's OK to yell. I'm glad I invoke such emotion :D

Thanks again Mallory!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #4, by Tonks1247 

9th July 2015:
HOW COULD YOU END A CHAPTER LIKE THAT? I mean, I totally knew things were about to go down with Rose wanting to go out and all, but then to end a chapter with death eaters swarming a room with Scorpius telling Rose and Lily to leave him on his own?! Like, what is this! He first of all left Al alone and now he’s getting Rose and Lily to leave him alone as well and then you end the chapter and how am I to know what’s going to happen? (Besides reading the next chapter, which I’m pretty sure I HAVE to do at this point…) It’s just cruel (Though cliff hangers are just about my favourite things ever…just more so when I write them apparently)

What else can I say about this chapter…oh yeah!

AHAHAHAHA! Dom is like, the best ever. She picks quite the questions to scream at the top of her lungs at Rose and the fact that she doesn’t just let it go until Jax comes and interrupts her…I honestly just had to laugh. It fits in with the picture of Dom I have in my head and it was just funny, especially with how casual Selenia is with her sly grin and all…it really was entertaining!

Other than that…I think that’s it for this chapter. I didn’t pick out any particular lines that I fell in love with or laughed at (or at least ones I could share in a review), so I guess that’s it for this chapter…onto the next! :D

-Mikaela

Author's Response: Hiya Mikaela!

I wish you could see the enormous grin on my face every time I read your reviews - it's pretty goofy.

Ooops - I'm sorry but not sorry I ended the chapter this way...? Every now and then you need a little cliffhanger - heh heh.

Scorpius is trying to fight the Death Eaters AND protect Rose at the same time. Al would never fault him for rushing to help Rose OR going to get Lily. I think in the heat of battle, you have to rely more on instinct than anything else and Scorp is doing what feels right to him.

Drunk Dom is a complete blast. You always need a good friend or relative with no filter to move the situation along.

Thanks!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #5, by crestwood 

12th June 2015:
Hi Beth! I've decided it's about time I got back to this story. I've missed it!

I'm still in the part of the story that was up before I started betaing for you, so all of this is brand new to me. I love the title 'The Quaffle' and the idea of Oliver Wood starting up a pub with a bunch of retired Quidditch players. That's honestly just really cute :P

I totally know the feeling of dread when you feel a public panic attack coming on. That's definitely one of my least favorite sensations. Your descriptions of people are absolutely excellent. I have such trouble with getting across what any of my characters look like, but I can envision yours so easily. Teeaaach me your ways!

Dom just said what everyone was thinking! I love drunk Dom so much, wow.

I should have known that this was THAT day! I'd read about it, but I still was totally taken off guard by the Death Eaters. You legitimately write duels better than anyone I know. The last scene was so intense and descriptive! Such amazing work, as always.

Slytherin - House Cup 2015 Review

Author's Response: Joey!

Gah - all these awesome reviews and you took SO MUCH TIME on each one, even though it was for a House Cup competition. Thank you so much! ♥ ♥ ♥

Eeep! I'm glad you like my character descriptions. I actually thought I went a bit too deep in these, because I wrote this scene almost as soon as I started writing this story. I wrote forward until about chapter 32 or so and THEN I had to go back and write the beginning. So I kind of thought I should move the character descriptions back to an earlier chapter, but I'm so glad you like them.

Ugh - the actions scene was tough and I never know if they come off the way I want them to because there is just so much going on - but I'm doing a little happy dance right now because you liked it WOOT!

Thanks Joey - love ya!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #6, by merlins beard 

6th May 2015:
Oh I knew this wasn't a good idea. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
They should stay safe and cozy at Number 12 and read books and enjoy countless cups of tea and get cats and later children and wait until all the bad guys die of natural causes... (Realistic, right?)

I hope they really got out. (but I think Rose and Lily did, and the others can handle themselves)

I just hope that nothing happens to Scorpius.
This is so horrible. Why are the Death Eaters back?
Thinking back to the death of Scorpius parents - was that really an accident?

There are so many questions, and each chapter brings more instead of answering the old ones.

I can't believe how well-constructed this story is. It has pulled me in completely. I just can't stop reading.
It has action, it has romance, a little bit of horror and it still all fits together seamlessly. How do you do that?

I'll go to the next chapter now because the suspense is killing me.

~Anja

Author's Response: Hi Anja,

You were right! Rose shouldn't have gone out. But it was an important step for her to *want* to go out.

OMG - your reviews are hilarious. Yes, I think all the evil guys should die of natural causes too!

Gah! YOU are the one killing ME with these amazing reviews!

Thanks so much!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #7, by lindslo2012 

28th October 2014:
Hey Beth,

I am back for more!!! :)

So, I am glad that Rose is 'back'. It is so cool how the two of them were just really good friends and then suddenly they realized, holy crap, they really like and might even love each other.
Sometimes I forget about what happened to Scorpius, of course he isn't very happy, his parents died!

The two of them are so perfect for each other. I like also how you don't always make it all about them though, too. Like how you mention Albus and his girlfriend, and then James and his, and also how you mention what else is going on with the family and not always just talking about the two of them. If I'm writing a love story I am pretty bad at just talking about the two people it revolves around. But I am trying to get better at talking about others.

Well dang, the death eaters are back... and they are after... Rose?
I didn't see this coming! What a twist! They were all just having a good time and all of a sudden they barge in. Well darn, I bet Rose feels this is why she doesn't go out, lol.

Great job!
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi there Lindsey!

Gah - thanks so much for this review! I completely agree about Rose and Scorpius. They didn't totally see what everyone else did - that they are made for each other. Geez, it took them long enough to figure it out - haha!

I have all of the relationships worked out in my head. Not just the romantic ones, but the friend and family ones as well. I'm glad to see that it all plays out because sometimes I'm not sure if I'm getting the right balance in my words as it is in my head.

Yeah - bad news is coming. Rose appears to be a target. I can't wait to hear what you think about the next few chapters!

Thanks again!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #8, by LightLeviosa5443 

20th August 2014:
AHHH I DON'T WANT TO STOP AND REVIEW THIS BUT I HAVE TO.

OKAY.

1. I love that Rose is finally going out! This is good! This is great! So exciting!!

2. I love that everyone was so excited to see her and she was having such a good time. I really liked the way that everyone interacted as a family and a group and just the dynamic sounded really fun. I also really enjoyed the way you described the people. It was a great way of introducing everyone and having us feel comfortable with them, and also getting into Rose's head!

3. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. THERE IS NO HAPPINESS. (i'm going to start reading the outline before I come read a chapter because i don't remember it all and I feel like reading the outline would've prepared me) I WAS NOT MENTALLY PREPARED. IT'S ALL CUTE AND PERFECT AND THEN PEOPLE ARE BEING CURSED AND DYING AND AURORS ARE BEING CALLED AND I HAVE A REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT ROSES APPARATING AT THE END OF THIS.

Sorry, I got a little yell-y. I just am really emotional over this whole chapter. Like, can't handle the feels man. I can't.

Wonderful wondiferously magical job on this one darling.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi Sweetie,

This was awesome. I love that I can make you feel so much in one chapter. Yeah... this one was a doozie, huh? Rose going out *is* a big deal. She never wanted to before this - and her being with Scorpius and wanting to celebrate that and life in general is super important.

The Weaselys are awesome. They each have their own stuff, but you can tell that they are a close-knit group and truly look out for each other. Don't mess with one of them, 'cause you will bring a WORLD of hurt down upon you - haha!

You *so* called it. I know. But it couldn't be all sunshine and roses (total pun there). I had to leave just a bit of a cliffhanger, didn't I? It wasn't *too* bad, was it? No problem on the yelling - I deserved it - haha!

♥ Beth


 Report Review

Review #9, by MargaretLane 

26th July 2014:
I like the way Scorpius immediately recognises that Rose is finding things a little difficult.

"Professor" should have a capital "P" when it's used as a title, so it should be "Professor Longbottom," not "professor Longbottom."

Yikes, Rose doesn't exactly hold back, does she? Commenting like that on Albus and his girlfriend's relationship. And yikes, Dom is even more direct. They don't exactly maintain privacy, do they? *laughs*

Just a random fact: "Colleen" is actually the Anglicisation of the Irish word for "girl", which is spelled "cailín," but pronounced the same.

Love the relationship you've created between Albus and Rose, where they confide in each other like that. And his comment that they've been worried about her for a long time.

YIKES! Death Eaters, still! More than twenty years after the war. At this stage it must be about 28. I guess it's not entirely surprising, but I REALLY hadn't expected it, especially not after such a relaxed pub scene. I wonder what's going on now. *is intrigued*

"Potters'" should have the apostrophe after the "s" as there is more than one of them.

And I think Scorpius is right to send Rose to go and get Lily. For one thing, somebody probably should. A sixteen year old shouldn't be involved in something like that. Despite what Harry and his friends got involved in at younger ages, it's not exactly ideal. And Rose isn't an Auror or in any way trained in battle, apart from her Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons, so when there are Aurors there, there's no need for her to be involved, especially when she already has trauma from a previous attack and doesn't need it reinforced. AND when they still don't know what that guy's intentions were and he COULD well be involved with the Death Eaters for all they know.

Now, admittedly, part of the reason I'M thinking that is because I assume you must have some reason for bringing them in and your characters don't have the same reason to suspect his involvement, but I still don't think it's a good idea for her to be fighting unknown Dark Wizards when they know there's at least one that seems to have some particular interest in her.

And of course, the last part does seem to imply that yes, it is Rose they are after. I really wonder why.

This does seem to fit with the possibility of revenge, but even if that's true, why specifically on Rose? You'd think they'd be more concerned with Harry's kids, if anything.

Unless of course, it's somebody Hermione or Ron played a specific part in defeating. I can't exactly remember who they dueled in each book now. I tend to skim over the duels and just wait for Dumbledore's explanations as to what's going on anyway. Hmm.

Author's Response: Hello again,

I'm still working through all of you amazing reviews. I'm glad you noticed the interaction with Scorp and Rose. It was sort of my way of putting in that, when you are recovering from some severe trauma, you have good moments and then some setbacks. I think crowds will always bother Rose (I'm not a big fan of a tightly packed pub myself).

Yeah, the Death Eaters are back - and you are right, Stannous is their leader this time. He's been busy creating a small army to do his bidding.

Lily did need someone to fetch her. She is very naive still and Al perhaps shouldn't have sent Rose, but in the heat of battle, he thought it would be best if they both got out of there as quickly as possible.

Haha - this group has been friends since the train ride in during first year! It's been mentioned before that Al and Selenia aren't exactly *shy* around others. I think they can say just about anything to each other. Dom can pretty much say anything to anybody, she's just that type.

I chose the name Colleen because she is the daughter of Dennis Creevey. I thought he would've chosen to honor his brother by naming his first born after him. Since he had a girl - he went with Colleen, the female version of Colin. (Loved your fact, by the way!)

I love your guesses - but I can't say anything more just yet...

Thanks again!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #10, by luciusobsessed 

15th July 2014:
OMG I KNEW THEY WERE AFTER ROSE AND I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN. It's so strange how Death Eaters are coming back? Does this have something to do with Voldemort even though he's gone? I mean The Cause at least. Idk I can't review right now because I have to read the next chapter lol

Author's Response: YOU TOTALLY CALLED IT!! Voldemort is not back, but the Death Eaters are, It isn't exactly because of the cause. I can't really say anymore right now.

I can't tell you how great it is to read all of these reviews. It's like I'm seeing my story and all the excitement I have while writing it all over again. Thanks so much! ♥


 Report Review

Review #11, by kenpo 

12th July 2014:
WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THE CHAPTER THERE? I'M SO MAD AT YOU. I actually totally love you, though. This story is going to mess with me.

I really liked that Rose wasn't completely cool at the pub. It would rub me as really unrealistic if she clicked the on/off switch of mental illness.

OKAY AND THEN THE DEATH EATERS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE WHOA NOW. How the heck did they knew that Rose was going to be at the pub? She didn't even know that she was going to be there until she was there!

Which one of them is working against her? It better not be Scorpius. Maybe this has something to do with his magical power? I've also been wondering what circumstances he can use them under. I've been meaning to mention that, but I kept forgetting. What circumstances can he use that power under? TELL ME.

I'm so sad that there are no more chapters right now.

This is so crazy. WHY WERE THE DEATH EATERS THERE?

I can't handle this right now. Oh my god.

-Georgia

-House Cup 2014 Review-

Author's Response: I have no intention mess with you - okay maybe that's not entirely true...

Yeah, Rose isn't going to get instantly better. She is progressing, but it is going to be a few steps forward and then one back - at least for a little while.

I can't tell you the circumstances for Scorpius's magical power - well I *can* tell you, but I won't just yet. Hehehe.

It might be hard to figure who is tipping off the Death Eaters - there were a LOT of people at the pub!

There are actually a few more chapters up now and another one in queue! Thanks again, Georgia - I loved every one of these reviews!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #12, by CambAngst 

9th July 2014:
Hi, Beth! Back again for another awesome chapter. Even better, I will be claiming a valuable point for Gryffindor! Let's get the formalities out of the way, shall we?

House Cup 2014 Review

Now that we've taken care of that, I like the progress you made with Rose in this chapter. She seems like a new woman after finally giving in -- and convincing Scorpius to give in -- to the passion that's been growing between the two of them. She's getting all dolled up and going out to a crowded place. She's snogging Scorpius silly, both in private and in public. She's buying rounds, she's joking, she's laughing... just an all-around functional 20-something. It was beautiful to watch.

You did a good job of keeping her progress measured and realistic. She nearly has a panic attack in the pub, but with Scorpius's help she's able to pull back from the brink. He's so very good for her on so many levels.

All of Rose's cousins and friends were incredibly supportive, as well. You can feel how badly they want this for her, the recovery and the normality. They want her to be herself again, whole and full of life. That's the Weasley family written well!

One thing that I found a tiny bit odd was when you dipped into the fashion discussion with Selenia and Samara. There was nothing wrong with it, per se, just that you didn't do anything like that for any of the other characters. I remember reading it -- admittedly last night, so I wasn't at my sharpest -- and thinking, "what's the take-away here? Why is she emphasizing this?" Not a big deal, but it caught my overly-critical editor's eye.

Ha! Dom is awesome. And it appears that she can't hold her liquor very well. Either that, or she's had too much of it. Regardless, she has no problem shouting out what the others have probably realized and politely decided not to comment on. Good thing her boyfriend is there to rein her in just a bit.

Aww, Al is getting all sentimental on her. I like Al in this mode. It's much more fun and heart-warming to read than Al in Type A, brooding, overprotective jerk mode. Yes sirree, we are having a wonderful family night out. Love is in the air everywhere. Even the Auror mentees are getting in on it. What a great night for a...

DEATH EATER ATTACK!!! Aiieee! Everybody take cover!

Death Eaters have lousy timing, you know that? While the action here was fairly straightforward, it instantly sent my brain into detective overdrive. How did the Death Eaters know that Rose was going to be at the pub? Even Scorpius didn't know they were going to be there until just before they left home. I'm suddenly looking at everyone present with a very suspicious eye. Let's say for the sake of argument that we can rule out Rose's family, because god help us all if the Weasleys have been compromised. That would leave Selenia and Samara, who seem like unlikely candidates, Dom's boyfriend, the bartender lady and... well, Scorpius, himself. I rather doubt that Scorpius is plotting against Rose, but let's say for the sake of argument that his movements are being surreptitiously tracked. Perhaps by a long, lost relative. Hmmmnnn...

All guessing aside, you did a pretty good job with the fight scene. It was easy to visualize the chaos and the jets of light and hear the cracks of spells. Rose's panic and difficulty functioning also came through clearly. I was a little surprised that Albus would have sent her off to find Lily, given her mental state. She obviously wasn't in much of a position to take on the task, but I guess decisions get made in the heat of the moment. In spite of that, she's still worried about finding Dom and getting her out of there. I love the compassion and the way that she wants to protect her family, even if she's not really able.

And... you left us with a cliffhanger. That was mean of you, Beth! Very mean. I approve. ;)

I didn't see any typos or other problems with this chapter. It moved at a nice, fast pace and it was fun to read. Good job!

Author's Response: Hey, hi, ho!

So - first order of business is to apologize. It has taken me far to long to respond to this - and your other completely awesome reviews. I didn't want to send a perfunctory response and I got all caught up in my first House Cup, so my review responses (and writing and daily chores and life functions) have taken a back burner.

Thanks for all your comments - I especially appreciated the fact that you found Rose's progress to be well paced. There is no magic "off" button for recovery and Rose will continue to have progress and setbacks.

The super over-done fashion description is a big editing error on my part. I think that I mentioned earlier that I started this entire story from the middle - actually I started writing at Chapter 9 - the scene with Albus and Scorpius shooting up the forest. I don't have any good explanation as to why it started there, as I said this is my first go and the story just started to come to me from that point.

Anywho, with that as my start, this chapter was the first place where I could describe the two Potter boys' women - and I just left it in. I did edit this chapter (and edit and edit and edit), but I thought that I might have been incomplete in my earlier descriptions of those two fairly important characters. I also thought that it would show that Rose , for the first time, feels on par with these two (even though she claims she doesn't). She is with her man, all "dolled up" (to borrow your expression) and really happy.

Dom is a party girl. She works hard, plays hard. She just had a little bit too much to drink on this particular night - perhaps because she showed a bit of weakness to her colleagues at the meeting earlier in the day. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes (alright a LOT of times), I don't know why my characters do things. When I go back and edit, it makes sense and I'm like "Oh yeah! She drank to much and THAT's why she got hit with the cruciatus that is revealed two chapters from now..."

I like Al in this mode too. He seems to look just like Harry, but have quite a bit of the Weasley temperament. Rose doesn't seem to mind the overprotective Al, but she is just very forgiving of people and accepting of their natures.

Yeah, those Death Eaters are a huge pain in the butt, huh? How did they know? I'm glad you are trying to figure it out, but there were a LOT of people there - and you are right, it was a last minute decision to go there. I can't give anything up just yet. You will have to keep Hm-ing.

Thanks again. This was my first fight scene and I took a while to get it how I wanted - but me reading it over and over and over can't compare with feedback from an objective source.

Yeah, maybe Al sending Rose to find Lily wasn't the best move, but it was the heat of battle and he was worried about his little sister (who he had been told to take care of by Ginny), Rose seemed like the best option at the time.

Glad you liked the cliffhanger. I don't like to overuse them, but every now and then, they are just plain fun!

Thanks again, Dan. If I haven't told you before, your reviews are part of the reason I've continued the story - and have been posting the chapters as quickly as I have. It really makes a difference when you know someone is eagerly awaiting the next installment!

Thanks again!

Beth


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review