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9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon 

23rd August 2015:
I think I'm just concluding that one of my favorite things about this story is how unpretentious it and the characters are. I suppose that's sort of made clear from their actions and the summary, but I'm going to force myself to stop repeating it. So take every review forward with the comment "they were so delightfully unpretentious" appended to it. :p

As for the meat, I thought the female-friendship portion at the top was excellent, including how you didn't over-dramatize the lost virginity aspect. I think society as a whole (at least in the U.S.) would do well to take a similar, less prudish mentality so people are more educated and less ashamed surrounding sex and their bodies. But now I'm going down a public policy road so...

On to St. Mungo's! The starkness with which you described Laurel's situation was powerful. A lot of people would fast-forward past this point, where the person is still a shell, still feeling terrible, and trying to get better, but also not altogether "buying it" all in terms of the efficacy or "point" of the treatment. Because while Laurel clearly hates her circumstances and has been sobered by them, she almost has this disaffected "NBD" attitude about it at the same time. So she's got a long road ahead. The incorporation of Luna was very interesting too - especially the bit with her father and the timeline for her mother dying. I liked it because it actually added something rather than just being a pandering inclusion of a popular character. So kudos on that!

And now I am forward to Chapter 13 - will it be unlucky for someone I wonder? I suppose Tristan is the best candidate for that, but we'll have to see ;)

Author's Response: YES! That's such a good compliment, thank you!

I'd argue that Tristan can be quite pretentious (when it comes to music and muggle knowledge), which was meant as a sort of inversion of Slytherin pretentions. Like, he IS just as pretentious as them, but in the opposite way.

Hee, it definitely helped that I have experience with being a teenage girl, so I had some knowledge about how Girl Talk goes. And I guess I've benefited from being from a really progressive, un-shamey community, so that was all very based on my own experiences with Being A Teenage Girl.

Oh yes, I definitely wanted to show how complicated it is. Like, I didn't want to make it seem like someone could spiral into addiction and then just get "cured" by rehab. It's a much harder road than that, and it isn't linear.

And yay I'm so glad you liked the Luna thing! It WAS a pretty big thing to give her character, but I thought it fit (with what we know about her Dad, and it sort of explains some of her perspective). And it makes all the ridicule she got at school seem a lot sadder if you think maybe there was a lot going on in her home-life :( I think it also makes her character a lot more impressive, because she clearly loves her dad in canon, so with this backstory, that would make her a REALLY wise character!


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Review #2, by Shinicha 

3rd August 2015:
Hah, I'm back again! The last review was written drunk, but I promise, this is all crispy and sober, from the library even!

First of all: Isobel and Lucas, I knew it! :D
I didn't expect it to be her first time though. Can there be a first time that is actually "good"? I have never heard about anyone saying that about their own experience ... I kind of hope that he will get some space in the story again and not disappear like Sophie. Although it's probably unlikely since he lives as a Muggle in the US most of the time, as it seems?

The reasoning behind not letting them stay at Tristan's seems really feeble. The "Rec Magic" thing, that Isobel's parents worry so much about, seems a far better reason to distrust their kid's friends than possible ...sleeping around.

As to the scene in Mungo's: I think you did a fabulous job with EVERYTHING. First, I loved the passing comments on what is going on in the hospital (moths! insects! what a terror!) and the different departments.

Secondly, I think you managed to pin-point Luna's attitude perfectly, her dreaminess mixed with a weird down-to-earthness! It is quite sad to think of her past like this, with a dead mother and a depressed father. Also, there is clearly a Hex Head gang missing in the younger years, since she couldn't find any friends!

During the meeting with Laurel, the tension and delicacy of the situation was feasable. You don't want to treat your friend differently, but at the same time it seems dishonest to just ignore the big, pink elephant that is sitting in your midst (probably having fun with the biscuits)

The bracelett-hobby only added to the horror of what Laurel went through! (even though I also enjoyed making them when I was little.) She doesn't seem like a person that can get lost in "small details", but more of a big-rash-bigger thinker.

I wonder how you will make them interact once she's back to school.

On a side note: I tried to super-coolly slip in "stoked" during a conversation, but as my friends are also non-native speakers it ended up being a bit lame when I had to explain my Libanese friend what it meant. Next time!

Also, while I've always loved VU I didn't know Sunday Morning. As it so happens, I also started doing Yoga in the morning. So I'll try this Emiliesque intersection!

Author's Response: So glad that I'm not the only one who leaves drunk reviews! YAS! (But for the record, you seemed perfectly cogent to me :))

You make a good point that there isn't much by way of SPECIAL first times in this story. I guess here I just wanted a character to have a "whilst on holiday" experience, since that's a thing.

THAT SILLY WORRY! Man, those sorts of "you canNOT sleep at a boy's house!" parents were the bane of my teenage years. Luckily my mom was reasonable, but I had friends whose parents weren't.

Yee, I had so much fun making up those waiting room maladies :D

And I'm SO GLAD you liked my Luna! She might be the single most difficult character to get right, and I knew I was already asking a LOT of readers by expanding her backstory in this way. (Oh, and I headcanon that Luna totally continued hanging out with these older kids once she started Hogwarts [granted, they behaved themselves better around her], but then they graduated before Harry met her).

It is VERY difficult to carry on and hang out like normal when you're visiting a friend in this sort of context. Glad that the awkwardness there came off. And I really like your analysis of Laurel :)

YOU WILL WIN EVENTUAL SUCCESS WITH "STOKED." I AM CERTAIN OF IT.

Heheh, Sunday Morning is probs the only VU song one can do yoga to. OH, and that Y5 playlist I linked you to (the one in my forums blog) has a really neat cover of it!


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Review #3, by water_lily43175 

7th June 2015:
Oh Isobel, getting jiggy with your mate's brother is either a very good move or a VERY VERY BAD MOVE. Lucky that Emily takes it well. Future family and all that.

And so Emily begins to notice Isobel's little secret. Here's hoping she's there for her with that, more so than any of them were for Laurel - it must be a tough thing to have to tackle with a friend, but it's something that has to be done.

Quick question - did you change the name of Isobel's sister? Because I think she's referred to as Elphia at some point in this chapter, and now I think about it wasn't that the name she was given a few chapters ago? If you're going through and editing then I'm sure that's something you'll pick up anyway, but just to let you know :)

Oh Luna. I think she must be one of my favourie characters, and you write her so well here. "Sick in her heart", YES.

Poor Laurel really is in a bad place right now isn't she? The matter-of-fact way she talks about what she's going through is just so chilling.

TRISTAN. NO BABY PHOTOS. I WONDER WHY.

-Ellie

Author's Response: Hah, yeah. Emily's perspective is a lot more like "well that's a surprise turn of events" than "HOW DARE YOU, MADAME." But Emily is pretty relaxed when it comes to sexuality, and it wasn't really a big deal.

Emily is definitely 'there for her,' but at the same time, not necessarily someone who KNOWS what the right thing to do is. Even trained medical professionals can't always help people suffering from eating disorders :(

THANK YOU for telling me about that stumble. Her name is supposed to be Elphia Iman Doge-Mostafa, and I should REALLY clarify that one is her first and one her middle name. Thank you for pointing it out!

LUNA! So intimidating to write! She's just so special and beloved! I'm so very relieved to hear that you think I got her right :)

Also glad to hear that the matter-of-fact thing worked! "Chilling" was very much what I was going for!

THEY LOST THAT ALBUM IN THE MOVE :p

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #4, by Slide 

20th December 2014:
'THE GHOST OF BOTH OF OUR HYMENS.'

I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm dead. I laughed loud enough to scare the cat and it's early morning and he's not impressed. Right. Sorry. GOOD. HERE. REST OF THE REVIEW.

ISOBEL, you slept with her sister! ...okay, no drama. Emily is cool with it. Lucas seems cool. I must amend my previous concerns: good for you, girl! I think this was handled with about as much attention and gravitas as it deserved. Addressed, fussed over 'cos they ARE teenage girls, and yet the world hasn't bloody moved and it's not the romance of their lives or any such.

Her crash and burn over this eating disorder is not going to be good. I'm glad Emily's noticing it; she's much more likely to DO something about it than I suspect Isobel was going to do anything about Laurel. I give Isobel credit for observing and analysing, but for something delicate and emotional and requiring that kind of social confidence? Call Emily. OR they could continue to be teenagers and fail to do anything about anything.

That does sound more likely.

'Succeeded by proxy.' Yeah, Emily, close enough. I hope Iman's noticing what's up with Isobel, though sisters aren't always the best people to hear these truths from!

Oh nooo anti-charming pamphlets. They're about as awful as one would expect. Oh, small Luna cameo, yay! ...oh, Xenophilius is laid up in rehab... less yay, not surprising.

YES, Emily. SECOND GUESS THE WISDOM OF SMUGGLING DRUGS INTO REHAB. These kids. It might only be biscuits but the principle is entirely ill-founded! You wouldn't smuggle in booze, either!

Poor Laurel. Kid doesn't deserve this. I mean, it could have been a lot worse, even aside from almost dying, but she's still in a hell of a place. I'm not surprised her mother blames Tristan, even aside from him being in cahoots with her, it's just natural to want to blame somebody, but I hope that never reaches his ears, he doesn't need that. I'm glad Isobel's being told she did the right thing, it seems she entirely did.

Well, all of this rehab stuff was thoroughly and appropriately depressing. It seems Laurel's in the right place, but it's a long as all hell road, and Luna needing to be with a social worker is just icing on the depressing cake.

HA no baby photos, I'm onto you. Oh, so's Emily, I feel less smart.

So this chapter veered wildly between making me almost suffocate from trying (and failing) to not laugh, and depressing me. GOOD WORK.

Author's Response: I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT LINE! I first got that idea sitting in a university dorm--like, so much has probably happened in those walls...

I really wanted to show a lot different First Times, and different reactions to them. Whist on Holiday and Not A Big Deal is definitely a thing. You can also think of it like a calculated and logical decision--because OF COURSE Isobel would make a calculated and logical decision.

Yeah, it's funny that Isobel is kind of the Mum of the group, because Emily might actually be better suited.

Pamphlets are necessarily terrible, by their nature.

I'm SO GLAD the Xenophilius thing makes sense, and seems to fit. That's a rather BIG backstory to give such a major canon character; a dangerous game.

Oh teenagers... They're perfectly well meaning, and then they smuggle special biscuits into rehab...

Isobel definitely did the best thing, and definitely in a difficult situation (I wanted Finite there to kind of mirror the real world, where withdrawals can be really dangerous, or even fatal).

*Shuffles feet* They lost the baby photo album in the MOVE.

Thank you so much for all these reviewwws!
xoxo
Roisin





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Review #5, by Gabriella Hunter 

6th October 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and you know what the deal is! I would have gotten to this yesterday but I was writing and watching Bob's Burgers. If you haven't watched that show yet, you totally should because it's hilarious.

Anyway, on to this! It seems like quite a few things happened in this chapter and by the time it was over, I was feeling kind of miffed. How dare you end it...

But what an interesting little bit of OMG from Isobel and Lucas in this chapter! I was sort of suspecting that they were going to at least snog or something but this took me by surprise. I'm not sure if they're going to be a couple after this though and I was a little upset that Isobel was already accepting that it was just a one night sort of thing. :( What I thought was very realistic though was her conversation with Emily about her first time. There were some really girlish moments there and the line, "I feel like a woman" just really hit home. I know that a lot of girls feel that way and it's like a sign of growing up. I wonder if this was some sort of foreshadowing for later though but I'm not sure yet so I'm just going to have to keep reading.

Now, the girls finally were able to visit Laurel and I was really anxious for this scene. I did like meeting Iman though, she seems completely different from her sister and I noticed the little conversation that they had. I'm hoping that Isobel's severe dieting is going to be addressed soon.

But what I liked the most about this entire chapter, aside from the girls being able to reunite was the way you described St. Mungo's. There was a lot of detail and I think that the busy nature of the Healers was well-done but the contrast to Laura's ward couldn't have been more obvious.

I got the feeling that they were being forgotten in some way and I felt my heart clench for a moment as Laurel was finally described. It made me incredibly upset to see her that way but what stood out to me was that there was some manner of peace about her. She wasn't raving or spitting at them but oddly content to some degree and I found that very interesting. The girls were a tad uncomfortable but they didn't pressure Laurel into talking about anything that she didn't want to.

Luna's phrase, "Sick in the heart" was a perfect way to put everything into perspective for me. I also really loved her in this chapter too, it had a very bittersweet feeling to it and I think you wrote her wonderfully. :D

I have no complaints or anything so I'll be back the next time you request!

Much love,


Gabbie

Author's Response: Bob's Burgers RULES! I love that groany sound the daughter makes :)

Well Lucas lives in America and Isobel's still in school so probably not much hope for them becoming a couple. Plus, other thing, that will come later *gags self to keep from giving away spoilers.*

Yay! So glad you liked the girl talk! Def channeled my own 16-year-old self for that! I think you're right, and in this situation, it was sort of more about Isobel growing up, and that event's significance in her development.

I kind of thought of Iman as the "good daughter." The one the parents brag on for having been prefect, and being so beautiful, and blah blah blah. Isobel feels rather overshadowed by her :(

I totally re-read the St. Mungo's chapter of HP before writing that scene--so glad you liked it! And I had a LOT of fun coming up with weird magical maladies for the people in the waiting room.

And yeah, I definitely think of the rehab ward as being kind of shunted off, like the hospital doesn't want to think about it. Which is often the case in RL--people don't like looking at the addicted or the mentally ill, and society tries to make them invisible. I've known a lot of types of people in my life (as evidenced by the fact that I wrote this story), and so that ward was very inspired by places I have seen.

I'm glad you brought up "contented"ness, because that's a theme that comes up a few times. With teenagers, you don't necessarily WANT them to be sedate--or at least, you shouldn't. We focus so much on "good behavior," or behavior that isn't annoying, that we forget how important and real the passions of youth are. In this story, when certain characters become sedate, it isn't usually a good thing--rather, a sign of defeat. Of having been broken.

EE, so glad you liked Luna! I knew it was a risk writing her at all, but I decided that her perspective and presence could be really valuable here. I wanted Laurel to make some kind of friend "on the inside"--and Luna just seemed like the best person for the job!

Thank you so much for this review! You always manage to make my day!
xoxo
-Roisin



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Review #6, by AlexFan 

25th September 2014:
Oh wow, look at that, I was actually correct about the whole Isobel and Lucas thing, go figure. The feeling of being right however is seriously being overshadowed by my annoyance that Isobel got off with Emilyís brother, I was so hoping that cliche would be avoided. Iím really glad that no one is shaming Isobel for what she did though and how supportive Emilyís being of the whole thing is really great, itís exactly what a friend should be.

I keep forgetting that this is set in the 90ís so itís always a little shocking to be brought back to that fact by small things, like the idea that your hymn (I had to make that as 12+ as possible while still having it make sense) breaks the first time you have intercourse. This shack seems to have some really mysterious powers, it seems everyone gets lucky when they stay in it.

I liked how you threw in that mention of Neville as well, about him visiting his parents, it was a nice nod towards what he had to deal with all of the time. I loved seeing St. Mungoís from the point of view of Emily because everything must seem just absolutely absurd to her to see so many people with damage done to them acting like itís totally normal.

It was so cute seeing little ten-year-old Luna at St. Mungoís, I can definitely see her being that friendly and making conversation with random people.

ďMaybe we shouldnít have brought drugs to a person in rehabĒ OH GEE YOU THINK I WONDER WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA. Seriously, I love how youíve included Luna in this and I love how Laurel has made friends with her. Luna may be a bit weird but the girl is really good at reading people and figuring out what makes them uncomfortable and what they wanna talk about. ALSO ISOBEL NEEDS TO GET SOME HELP SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL THIS GIRL THAT SHE IS PERFECT THE WAY THAT SHE IS.

Oh goodness, I canít imagine how difficult it mustíve been for Isobel to have such a big chest at such a young age. Her back mustíve killed her having to carry all of that weight around. Itís times like this that Iím grateful for being small-chested. Still, that shouldnít stop her from playing Quidditch if she wants to, some people are born curvier and some people are born skinnier, itís just the way that people are built and I just feel so sorry that Isobel hasnít had anyone to tell her this.

Iím actually really looking forward to seeing Laurel get out of rehab, if it ever happens that is. If she ever does get out during the story, then Iím really excited with how this new her is going to be and looking at how it can hard to resist self-spelling on some days, because itís something that people deal with even after theyíve gotten help.

Lastly, I am so sorry for taking so long with this review but I have been crazy busy up until now.

Author's Response: GAH, I know--quite the cliche. I really wanted to show how everyone's First Time can be really different, with different contexts and stuff, and "whilst on Holday" is just a rather common story. I'm glad that you appreciated the lack of Shaming, though! That was my way of using-yet-subverting the trope!

Haha, I was all like "Hymn? I don't remember them singing in church!" And good point: that is rather a nineties-era myth! (well, it still persists today, unfortunately)

I had a LOT of fun coming up with the various Magical Maladies that Emily saw at St. Mungos, so I'm glad you found them reasonably absurd! And yes, Neville was definitely a way to show how there's a lot going on in their world that they aren't really conscious of. And that's sort of the tragedy--people often forget that those around them are Whole People, with lives and troubles that are just as important as their own.

SO GLAD you liked Luna! She's very tricky to write!

And yes, I really wanted to show how *THEY* think what they're doing is totally fine and reasonable (because: teenagers), but then point out the negative implications of what they are doing. This story is, I realize, rather a lot of work, as it requires a lot of analysis from the reader, since the characters have really limited perspectives.

Luna was DEFINITELY the best person for Laurel to have around!

I've seen it a lot, that girls who develop young can often get quite a complex over it :( And sometimes adults are kind of too freaked out to handle it correctly, because they don't know how to talk to a child about something they see as age-inappropriate (but really, someone's body isn't inherently an adult topic, it's only that adults attach so much adult meaning to it, which it THEIR fault, not the child's). Ok, rambling.

No need to feel sorry for being late! I don't even think of it as "late"--it's all in your own time!

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #7, by crestwood 

8th September 2014:
Back for a bit of this story again!

I did think that Isobel and Lucas were certainly hitting it off in the last chapter. Right when Emily noticed that Isobel wasn't there I knew just were she was. I'm glad that it wasn't a source of conflict between them though, I think their group has enough going on without a fight between these two.

Their laughing at the pamphlet was especially funny because I know the type of thing you were writing about. Those pamphlets are always so corny and pandering, rather than being honest and straightforward. I suppose they aren't exactly written to be controversial though, in any case.

Neville's there. Nice little reference to his mysterious connection to Tristan. And I LOVE this ten year old Luna. It was such an excellent little cameo and her 'sick in her heart' comment really pulled at my heartstrings. Her father being in for magic abuse as well gives his character a little bit more depth than we saw in canon, but it actually makes so much sense to me. We saw in Deathly Hallows how much he cares about his family when he was wiling to turn in the Trio in exchange for Luna. The loss of his wife must have been devastating.

Laurel was proper sad in this one. I didn't even know how to react to her so dejected and defeated. I can see why her mother would blame Tristan, but I don't think it's his fault really. None of them knew it'd get to this point. And 'waiting for when you stop screaming inside because you can't turn a wand on yourself' is probably the darkest moment of this story so far and very well said.

Tristan not having any baby pictures is definitely another piece in the puzzle on the way to the reveal of the Big Thing. I can't wait until we get to know, it'll be so cathartic. Another awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Yay! Hello!

I definitely wanted to introduce that developmental time in each of their lives differently, since it's usually different for different people (but "while on Holday" is a pretty common story!)

Right?! I've seen soOoOooOo many pamphlets like that in my life--and they always seemed like they were made in the 80s :P

I'm SO GLAD you liked Luna! She's a really special character, and really difficult to get right I think. Plus, I knew it was a bit of a risk giving her this backstory--but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It's not uncommon for unpopular kids to be going through something like this, and Luna spending time in and out of foster care seemed to suit her. Plus, she *would* be the kind of person to forgive her father once he recovered, and not mention it to anyone straight out. And I have some headcanon about Magical drug culture (shows up soon), and Xeno Lovegood definitely fit the type I'd envisioned.

I really didn't want to underplay how terrible the experience would be for Laurel--it was actually pretty painful for me to write that line. But, as always, my desire for accuracy made me push through.

Haha, the chapter where ALL IS REVEALED was described as "cathartic" by another reviewer! Good guess! (But I wouldn't be surprised if you figure it out sooner--you definitely have a knack for picking up on the subtleties in this story!)

xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #8, by CambAngst 

30th July 2014:
Hello, again!

This chapter was a really nice change of pace after the intensity of the last few. Not that it didn't have a highly dramatic moment or two, but most of it felt like relatively normal teenage girls doing the things that normal teenage girls do as they grow up.

"What is with that bleeding shack?!Ē demanded Emily. - It seems like Emily's family has an entirely different kind of shrieking shack. Ba-dum-dum-tssh. Sorry, probably the worst pun you'll see in a review any time soon. With that out of the way, I thought you did an excellent job of writing that moment in Isobel's life. You didn't overdo it and the girls didn't spend paragraphs and paragraphs debating "what does it mean???".

Isobel just nodded, looking half humiliated, half pleased, and totally overwhelmed. -- This. I think this summed up how most people feel after the experience very succinctly.

Another small reference to Isobel's deteriorating physical condition. At this point, I'm viewing Isobel's physical collapse not as a matter of "if" but "when". She's such a proud girl, so put together and so image conscious. I think this is going to be much more difficult for her than for Laurel.

I loved your description of the waiting room at St. Mungo's. It was just magical enough without being over the top and silly. Aww, poor Neville is visiting his parents. :(

Iman filled in another piece of the picture on Isobel's condition. The beautiful, talented older sister that she can never quite live up to. The poor girl has so many things working against her...

I liked what you did with little Luna. Very sweet and she sounded very much in character. "sick in her heart" It sounds exactly like something she'd say.

Upon that recommendation, Laurel took a biscuit and nibbled it, and Emily second guessed the wisdom of smuggling drugs to someone in rehab. -- I'm glad that point wasn't completely lost on all involved. Poor Laurel also seems to have a lot working against her. I'm sure her friends want to help, they just don't seem to know how.

"Like waiting," Laurel shrugged. "Waiting for the day when you can feel cheerful again all on your own. Waiting for when you stop screaming inside because you can't turn a wand on yourself." -- Amazing description. Sad and pithy and accurate.

"We lost that album in the move," Tristan lied easily. -- Another piece of the puzzle. While I do appreciate the information, I also feel compelled to point out that you had a slight break in narrative voice there, since neither of the girls could have known he was lying. Actually, depending on what Emily learned while they were using that telepathic potion, I guess that's not 100% guaranteed. Either way, it sounded like an omniscient narrator because you didn't attribute the realization to anyone in particular.

Poor Isobel seems to have early development and a weight problem hopelessly mixed up in her head. You really laid out the case for her -- against her? -- in this chapter. Like I said before, not "if", "when".

Excellent chapter! I shall return soon!

Author's Response: Hi!

Yeah, I think the fact that they are on vacation influences the tone a lot. And I try not to let the story ever go too far in one direction, and pull it back another direction, so I'm pleased you liked the change.

Yup, you were exactly on mark about sensing something between Lucas and Isobel! And I'm glad you liked my restraint. I wanted Isobel's experience to be realistic of one way that this moment can play out in a girl's life. Namely, "whilst on Holiday/not a huge deal."

Yeah, I definitely think this chapter and the last give us a lot of insight on Isobel.

And I'm glad Luna came off well! Yes, definitely a formidable canon character to write :)

And of *course* Emily is the one to rethink smuggling those biscuits to Laurel. Teenagers, I think, can sometimes go too far when they go through their "rules are stupid because I know what I'm doing" phase--which isn't to say they're completely dim all the time.

The "Tristan lied" bit--aha. I really like the verb "lied" because it's so revealing, and only one syllable. I've used it in this way before (Tristan's dad asks if he's ever self-spelled before. '"No, never" Tristan lied.') Ultimately, your last guess was right--Emily knew he was lying because of what she learned via potion. If the prose there was confusing, it was probably because I was all like "IT'S A MYSTERY! SO MYSTERIOUS!!1!11!!"

Thank you for another wonderful review! I get really excited when I see one from you!


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Review #9, by marauderfan 

12th July 2014:
:O Isobel and Lucas!! Am I the only person who actually didn't see that coming? I'm glad there wasn't too much drama about it, Emily didn't seem to bothered.

Okay, St Mungos. I love Neville's little cameo as he goes to visit his parents, aww. And LUNA!! Little ten year old Luna, she was adorable and I think you wrote her very well - which is a huge compliment because I think Luna is so often written slightly out of character in fanfiction, but I could hear Luna's voice as I read her lines here, it was perfect. Nice work.

Ah, Laurel... well, I guess she's kind of just how I expected her to be. I'm worried that she'll be depressed after she leaves, since nothing interests her anymore and she's kind of become a robot. At least she has little things like friendship bracelets to occupy her time. And thank goodness for Luna, because she's a breath of fresh air and hopefully she'll rub off on Laurel a bit before Laurel is released from the ward.

No pictures of Tristan as a baby! Hah! This supports my he-was-adopted-at-the-age-of-six theory. As much as the suspense of waiting is frustrating me, I love how you continue to drop little hints, really well paced out. Actually the whole story is incredible in that regard because the amount of planning and thought that went into this really shows, both in the development of the plot and in the well-rounded, flawed characters. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Oh yes, Emily is pretty relaxed about that kind of thing :)

So happy you noticed the Neville cameo! And that you liked Luna--I, like probably everyone else, love Luna, and really wanted to get her right. Since I was adding some pretty significant backstory to her character, and a dark backstory to boot, getting her right was really important to me. Since it's implied by Prof Sprout that rec magic isn't TOTALLY unheard of in the magical world, I thought that Xeno Lovegood was a pretty good candidate.

And yeah, I think Laurel having Luna around is definitely a good thing! Laurel does have pretty far to go, though.

I'm really glad the pacing is working! After I wrote the first draft, that was the thing I spent the most time on (besides basic editing). I'm really happy to hear that you like how that's going!


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