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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MalfoysAngel 

2nd April 2017:
AMAZING! I'm glad I was able to make sense of what was going on even though I skipped a few (16) chapters and I was on the edge of my seat. I'm glad to see a more than platonic relationship developing between Albus and Wren. Now if only Wren could get the rabbits from Hades and Dillon out of her head hopefully she could see it too. The way you changed points of view was seamless when you changed during the library scene.

If it wasn't explained in previous chapters, I'm interested in finding out what the connection is to the restricted section and why A monster rabbit would be hiding there. It seems like it has some sort of hold on Madam Prince because as protective of her library and her books as she is, I can't picture her not noticing a monster in her library or Wren and Albus' attempt to catch it. From what you wrote the stench of rotten apples alone would make me want to investigate.

I'm curious to see what hold Bunny has over Wren, and why having the voice of a rabbit in her head calms her down. And just what was in that tea? I will have to go back and start at the beginning to see what happened to Gran and why Wren is having trouble with her magic. Hopefully I'm able to manage it soon.

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Review #2, by Marshal 

2nd April 2017:
WOW - like seriously wow! I know I jumped ahead several chapters and I'm missing a few things particularly in regards to Gran but aside from that I was able to pick up a lot of what is going on.

There is a whole load of creep factor going on - like crazy amounts of it. Dillon and Bunny speaking in her head. She's struggling with magic... just wow.

It is interesting that Wren is realizing how creepy Dillon is - but sad that she can't see it with Bunny - bunny has a huge hold on her it seems!

Anyway the scene with the monster rabbit I was on the edge of my seat eyes racing to the next sentence the next word. The action was incredible and hyped up all the more with the rabbit being in her mind.

I have to say I can't help but wonder if Rabbit has gotten to Pince. The way she didn't see the food trail, just suddenly left and never returned, then the fact that rabbit is huge. The story has some major interest points that have me realling. Like I have questions but a lot of them I'm sure would be answered if I jump backwards and I'll see if I can but still just wow. It kind of puts me beyond words what is going on here. I just know that in some ways I'm getting a little bit of Little Shop of Horrors vibe here only Hogwarts style and with bunny rabbits (which is way more creepy than a large plant). I have a feeling you are going to make me hate my childhood favorite animal. Still I shall be reading other chapters when I can!

Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah, that's the thing with these events, but it makes me happy that I got a wow from this chapter. :) You got the setup, and here's where it gets messy.

Yay for creepy rodents!! I'd love to comment more, but I'm still hoping that you'll get a chance to read the whole story one day and I don't want to give away too much of the mechanics. I worked hard on those you know. :P

Ahh, the action rabbit scene! That had to work, or this whole story wouldn't be right. I'm glad you enjoyed what you saw. It was interesting writing the "inside the mind" and the "outside action" sequences, and I wasn't sure the pacing would withstand such things, but nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say. I had to try it out.

I'm really enjoying your reviews! Thanks so much!

Pix


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Review #3, by BellatrixLover3 

12th August 2014:
I love it! PLEASE make more chapters! If you'd like please view my story Dark Heart.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked it. Good luck with your story, Dark Heart. It looks interesting. Let me know when you have the second chapter up.

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Review #4, by MargaretLane 

13th June 2014:
Yi-i-ikes, this looks like one long chapter.

Apologies for not having made any mention of the judging of my challenge yet. I've been super-busy lately and haven't even read all the entries. But I haven't forgotten about it and the results WILL be posted, probably in just under two weeks. If they aren't up in two weeks, there'll be another wait, because things get crazy busy again then.

This might be just because I'm not English, but the word "chav" doesn't really sound to me like something a pureblood would use. You know, it seems rather culture-specific slang. I don't know. I just feel the wizarding world has its own insults.

I sort of think Wren has a point with her idea of self-governing non-wizard societies. Although since wizards, vampires, house-elves, goblins, etc, all share the same society more or less, it strikes me that simply giving them all representation in the Ministry might be the best idea. But wizards haven't really shown themselves too adept at sharing power. Obviously, being from a country that was colonised, I'm going to find myself in agreement with criticisms of the imposition of rules from another culture that may not fit those they are imposed on.

And *rolls eyes at the idea "this would never work because wizards and witches don't think it would"* Isn't one of the defining features of the wizarding world their lack of understanding and disinterest in learning about, other cultures.

You use the characters' names rather a lot. There are a couple of times where writing "he" or "she" would sound more natural, especially since Albus and Wren's conversation involves only one boy and one girl, so there'd be no confusion.

I'm not really sure why Albus thinks it's weird Dillon told Wren his name. Or does he just think Dillon was weird? It's a bit unclear.

Oooh, this is getting creepy. I'm not sure exactly what it is Dillon wants, but it certainly doesn't sound good.

And this is kind of getting more like the rabbit in Fangirl. *laughs*

Hmm, I really wonder if this stuff about how when Bunny is with her, she doesn't feel helps explain how the rabbits are affecting her more than Albus. She clearly wants that oblivion to some degree and I wonder if, in some way, they can feed off that.

Although I can't exactly ignore the fact that the people most affected seem to be female either. Although, now seeing Ian, maybe that's not true. Hmm.

I wonder if this Ian guy is naturally nasty or if it's the rabbits or Dillon controlling him. Hmm, this gets more and more mysterious.

Author's Response:

Hello!!

You've got quite a few stories to read for the challenge. I hope you don't get slammed with *stuff to do* too quickly, so you'll have the time to go through them all! But hey, at least you're pretty much caught up with my story. :)

There's this *thing* with Scorpius and his constant use of non-wizarding colloquialisms. We'll get to that a bit later. LOL!

Wren does have a point. I agree with you on the idea that wizards haven't learned how to share the world. They may be perceived to be at the top of the food chain, but that doesn't mean they should disregard what other races have established. You'll have to sit down with Albus on that one and explain it to him.

I noticed the character name thing this morning. I plan to look into that after I've gotten a little distance from this chapter. It is rather long, and I felt my eyes glazing over several times during the editing process. That said, I couldn't find a place to cut or shorten it either. Sigh.

Haha! I think Albus is just talking to talk at this point, but the main idea is that he's commenting on the general weirdness of things.

Ah, yes. The Fangirl rabbit. Imagine my reaction when I read that book. Then again, if I could do a search for "rabbits, horror stories", I wonder what's out there?

Ian's naturally a jerk. The rabbits and Dillon are just icing on the cake. LOL!

Thanks for the lovely review! I'm so happy you're coming back to the story!



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Review #5, by CambAngst 

13th June 2014:
Hi, pix! Back again to see how the Next Gen kids and devil bunnies are playing together. Not so well, it seems.

It starts off on a fun note. "You can burn those," Rose said, motioning her foot to the image of her tripping over herself and shoving people out of the way. "I scuffed up my new trainers for nothing." Poor Rose! She isn't doing a very good job of convincing anyone -- even herself -- that she isn't interested in Scorpius, is she? Wren stared at the last picture in her hand, where Albus' eyes shone brightly back at her. She smiled to herself, remembering those eyes from a particularly vivid dream a few nights ago. And Rose isn't the only one who's having some unrequited (or maybe just unacknowledged) boy issues. You're still doing an awesome job of keeping these kids age-appropriate!

Poor Wren is starting to have more and more issues with Dillon's mental tendrils, it seems. At least she seems to be finding ways to fight off his control. The tea was a good start, but getting him out of her head seems to be becoming more willful and less of a passive thing. Good on you, Wren!

I have the strangest feeling that Rose and Callie's adventure outside of the castle is going to end poorly. Caught? Enthralled? Providing Dillon with the means to sneak into the castle? I just don't see any good coming of this outing. Given what Albus already thinks of James, if Dillon manages to enthrall James it's going to take Wren and Albus that much longer to figure out what's really happening. Sigh.

Now this is interesting. Is Bunny somehow shifting allegiances here? Perhaps becoming more Wren's friend than Dillon's friend? That would seem to be a significant development. She and Albus definitely need allies in their as-yet-unrealized war against the demon bunnies and their creepy little boy overlord.

Wow! So even though the demon bunnies are messing with Wren's magic, it doesn't seem like the effect is entirely one-sided. You are working so many neat plot threads into this story! I love it!

For one, small moment, Wren allowed herself to believe that the butterflies in her stomach were a good thing. -- Yes, they are! Wren needs more small moments like this.

It didn't actually matter how long or short her hair was, but this way, it made her look more... she blew her hair out of her face again... yeah, like that. -- Ha! You are pulling out all the stops in this chapter with the subtle signs of infatuation. Also, I really have to stop with the pull quotes or I'm going to run out of characters before I get to the end of this chapter.

Albus is dissing the trampy girl in favor of Wren! Good on you, Albus!

I liked the little side track into the politics of vampires in magical society. I feel fairly confident that you're setting something up for later on, although I can only guess at what. Maybe Wren does become Dillon's friend again at some point. Maybe Albus, with his less "enlightened" view on vampires, won't be pleased by this. Speculation...

I loved the "moment" that Wren and Albus have in the middle of the chapter. His hand on her arm, her inner battle over whether to tell him all about Bunny... poignant stuff!

Get out of my head, Wren demanded silently, and pushed back, hard. Her mind jolted free, and she had to blink a few times to reorient herself to where she was. -- Ooh, rudimentary Occlumency? Achievement unlocked...

"Oh Godric, you're going to cry. Okay, okay," Albus said softly, almost sounding like he was saying it more for himself than her. He took her hands in his and waited. -- Ha! The perfect teenage boy reaction! I mean, it would have showed a little more game if he'd managed to not say it out loud, but still.

Then the pace of the chapter picks up dramatically. It seems like Albus's rabbit has grown into some sort of monster in the restricted section. Maybe eating dark magic books isn't so good for a rabbit? The thing was definitely scary. And poor Wren has a 3-party call going on inside of her head. This section reinforced the idea that Wren's Bunny might not be completely in the same camp with Dillon and Albus's monster rabbit. I'm so incredibly impressed with the way you've set up Albus from the very beginning of this story. His paranoia about being pranked by James led him to take so many precautions that he feels perfectly natural being immune from the effects of the vampire thralls.

Wrapping up with Ian Sloan, I'm glad that you already conditioned us not to like him. Here, he's part vampire-enthralled zombie and part obnoxious jerk. Can't say I'm wild about either one. I just hope Albus and Wren get to Neville before he does, but knowing you, I doubt that's gonna happen. :p

Awesome chapter! It was a pleasure to beta read and a pleasure to read for real!

Author's Response: Ah! Just when I thought I was catching up... but I'm not complaining. This is amazing. All those shiny words!

I think we'd have to be very worried if the devil bunnies start playing nice with the Next Gen kids. Though now that you bring it up, I could do a dark version, where the Next Gen kids are completely overwhelmed by devil bunnies and become their...

Maybe another time.

Rose is definitely not doing great in the denial department right now. Just for you, (actually, mostly for me) there's more on that coming up soon. As for Wren, she's made a bit of progress, but her situation is a bit more complicated than simply admitting to a crush. Oh, the interfering plot!

Speaking of plot, Wren is making some headway with regaining control inside her mind. So there's that. I just hope that I've presented it in a way that I won't confuse anyone. I suppose time will tell.

There is some significant development with Bunny here. I hadn't shown much of what Bunny thinks through all of this, and I wasn't going so far as to write a scene from Bunny's POV (though I had a few of those that got trashed from the first draft. They were too weird and even I couldn't follow what was going on... silly rabbits!) but I felt like I needed to at least show that the affection between Wren and Bunny wasn't... erm... all in her head?

If Wren could get a mental break, I'm sure she would be having all kinds of thoughts that she needs right now. We'll see how that goes for her moving forward. Wren's new discovery about her abilities should help.

Albus' bracelets come in handy with trampy whats-her-name, don't they? I resisted inserting more of the sidebar about the girls following Albus around in this story. It's there, but it's so out of his focus at the moment that he's just ignoring it until he can't. I laughed out loud about Albus' lack of "game". Still laughing, actually. If he had any, he might have asked her out a year ago, and it wouldn't even be an issue now. I suppose everybody's got a learning curve. That moment was a nice interlude, so I'm glad you liked that.

You've got some interesting speculations about the vampire/wizard situation and how it impacts the story. Let's pretend that I planned all of that out and it will be fabulous. :) Seriously, I do have subtle plans, but Smeed threw a wrench in one of my subplots that I'm trying to pry apart. Again. He and I need a serious sit-down regarding the outcome. I swear I had the entire plot finished a few months ago. That's what I get for over-developing my characters. Bleah!

LOL! Three-party call, indeed! You may be impressed with the way I set up Albus, but let me tell you that he is highly displeased with his situation. I'm glad it feels natural. I didn't want him to come off as some great evil rabbit know-it-all all of a sudden.

Obnoxious jerks make the best zombies, I think. Maybe that could be a literary rule or trope of some kind: make all the zombies obnoxious.

Thanks again for the use of your eyes and this fabulous review!

Wait, wait. Does that mean you only "fake" read it before??


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Review #6, by coolsilver 

11th June 2014:
FINALLY!!!
So glad you have a new chapter up-I stayed up just to read it, and you delivered!

I'm glad Wren is finally starting to wise up about Bunny and everything else that's been going on, although the poor girl is still having a tough time dealing with the events of the summer and her family's decisions to pull the plug on her grandparents.

It seems realistic in one aspect for her to still be wrestling with this-it's death after all, and how often has she dealt with it in her family? However, in another view-shouldn't she be trying to understand why her family did it, instead of continuing to be angry with her mother? She seems to be a logical - if not rather dim at times - girl who should be able to accept and move past this sooner than it has taken her thus far.

Hopefully, they'll take this directly to Professor Longbottom immediately (I'd say forget curfew, this is important - stereotypical rebellious HP style) and I have to wonder just how much more Wren is going to be put through. Poor girl is already dealing with enough!

I'm looking forward to seeing our mysterious bartender again soon-I wonder what happened to his poor victim...

Please keep writing-I love how you portray Wren, and flesh out your characters. You drop clever little hints, foreshadowing the horrors to come, leaving us hanging on to your every written word and eagerly awaiting the next update! Love it!

Author's Response: YES!! FINALLY!!

Wow! You stayed up for my chapter?? That's awesome. I'm glad you weren't disappointed, because if you're going to lose sleep, it should be for something worthwhile, right?

Wren is still having a tough time reconciling all the things that have happened to her and her family. She will eventually get to the point where she accepts and understands, but in story time, she's only known about the truth for about a week. She's still processing. And when you've got a rabbit in your head, it might take a little longer. :P

I agree. Wren and Albus should go directly to Professor Longbottom and get this sorted out.

I miss Smeed as well. He needs to come back into the story, just so he can learn how to use EBay and get rich. Then he can lure more victims to his plush London flat... ah, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Smeed might need his own spin-off after this.

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! I'm very pleased that you are enjoying my crazy story with blood-sucking rabbits and silly teenagers! The next chapter shouldn't have too much of a delay. I think I've worked out the major kinks and can feel things moving forward again.

So very happy!!

Pix


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