15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart- Round 6/7 

13th April 2015:
Hello Adi!
Iím here for the Gryffindor Capture The Flag Battle Double Round that never ends!
I really admire your choice to write this in second person POV. I did my first story in this style awhile back and itís really tough. You really have to work hard to keep the reader immersed in the story. I think youíve done an excellent job with it here! I really felt drawn into Sybil and her experiences.

I enjoyed little details that you included about her, like how she doesn't think tea should be brewed from bags or how she is aware that everyone calls her a fraud. Those types of things really help bring her to life for me. It adds depth beyond the brief descriptions we normally get of her.

I really like how you built the suspense. We know from the series that she inaccurately predicts death all of the time, so it's quite ironic how fearful of her tea leaves she is. It's horrible to say, but I was quite amused that the first time she makes an accurate prediction in regards to death, it's her own.

The dream sequence was done quite well! I thought the waking up at several points and realizing nothing was wrong really helped build up the intensity. By the time she finally is killed, I had just about been lulled into a place of security thinking she was okay!

Really great job taking a crack at a difficult POV! You handled it quite well!

~Kaitlin

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Review #2, by Deeds - capture the flag round 7 

13th April 2015:
For capture the flag round 7!

Oh boy I've never read a Sybil story. I know you said this was horror but I at first though you were lying. It seemed kind of funny her sitting there angry over Lavendar. Hello! Just because she was your favorite and you inspired her of course most dedications go to friends or family. Then again Sybil deserved some sort of mention.

And then we reached the second part where she reads she is going to die. I didn't believe it, you know? Because she HAS been wrong so many times but then it happens and it was quick I wasn't sure what was going on. Granted at first it was a dream but was it? Was it a premonition of sorts or did it actually happen and she was dead. I was confused on that part. Did a werewolf or something kill her? I was a little confused because it was so swift, one minute she was alive, the next she was dead.

Really creepy but great writing. I like your shirt choppy sentences.

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Review #3, by wolfgirl17 

23rd October 2014:
That was really cool, I've not really read a story in second person before, so nice work on that. Chilling too. Good work!

xx-Wolfgirl17

Author's Response: I'm glad you felt that way! Thank you for your kind words, and this review :)

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Review #4, by LilyFire 

14th October 2014:
This is certainly dark/horror enough for my challenge. It reminds me of something else I read once, but I can't really remembeer what it was. At any rate, it's very nice. I have a hard time critiquing second person stories because I haven't actually read very many, but I like the way you wrote this one. The way she expected a dedication to herself, since she is the one who actually taught, and then seeing her own future just moments before she died was fantastic. You've got a good story here.
~Lily

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Review #5, by Gaius Scipio 

5th October 2014:
Hi Adi,

This was very good, creepy and suspensful. That Prof Trelawny should have made 3 successful predictions in her life and that the last one would be her own death, brilliant. Another 10 out of 10.

I must ask though, was my Dennis story that bad? Like I said though don't spare my feelings.

Gaius

Author's Response: Hello Gaius! :)

I'm glad it was creepy enough. I always thought it'd be an interesting experience to write something like this! 10/10? Really? You flatter me too much. Thank you, once again. Your reviews really put a smile on my face :)

I did review it. Sorry I took so long. I was caught up in real life!


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Review #6, by Gladis Gudgeon 

12th September 2014:
Review Tag
That was very good. The writing was nice, but it could use a few more details. The suspense could be paced a little better. There's something a little off about it now, but for the most part it was nice. I like the book dedication. It's a nice touch. The grim is a bit cliche, but I think you made it work. A bit more build up would be nice. basically in my opinion pass it out and throw in some more imagery and it's perfect! 9/10
Gladis Gudgeon

Author's Response: Hello Gladis. Not having participated in review tag for a while tells me that you've got the wrong story :p But I won't complain. Thanks for all your helpful crit. I'll keep all of it in mind when I edit it. The thing is that I had to write this in 750 words, so pacing it out and fleshing it out will prove to be difficult. In any case, thank you for this :)

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Review #7, by wheresmyhogwartletter 

12th July 2014:
wow really creepy! It was so good especially the part when she sees the clock at 3:21 and you realize she is going to die in a minute!!

Author's Response: Hello! :) It'e meant to be creepy, so I'm glad it came through strongly! Thank you so much for taking the time to review and say such sweet things! :) You are far too kind!

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Review #8, by adluvshp 

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review.

Wow this was a really really haunting tale, despite being so short. The last bit, including the nightmare and the ending, literally gave me chills. You definitely achieved your purpose of producing a horror story here.

Your portrayal of Trelawney was also very good. It was interesting how her mind was focused on the fact that she is a gifted Seer as she died.

The little details included, such as Parvati writing a book regarding Divination, were also interesting.
I almost felt bad for Trelawney here, even though I never liked her much, so I'd certainly say you did a good job in writing this.

Your descriptions were perfect - nothing too detailed and nothing too minimal. The imagery presented was amazingly vivid.

All in all, this made for a chilling read and I loved it. Good job!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #9, by nott theodore 

8th July 2014:
Hi Adi! I've been wanting to read this story for absolutely ages so now that there's a reviewing task I thought I'd make the most of it and leave you a review!

I really loved your characterisation of Sybill Trelawney here in this piece. Usually she comes across as quite an exaggerated character and only her strange characteristics are picked up on but this was a very believable version for me to read. I also loved your use of second person in this story, it's fast becoming one of my favourite narrative styles and I loved the way that you used it here.

The plot was great, as well! I love the idea of Parvati going on to work in Divination and write a book about it - I can understand in a way why Sybill's so annoyed at the fact that it was dedicated to Lavender instead of her, though. But I loved the dream sequence when Sybill foresaw her own death and then she woke up just a minute before she actually died. It's kind of nice for her in a way that while she knew she was going to die, she was secure in the knowledge of her own talents at the very end.

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #10, by SereneChaos 

7th July 2014:
Oh, how chilling! I love that you managed this in exactly 750 words as well! Definitely no wasted words here! I love the idea of Parvati growing up to be a fortune teller and Trelawney receiving a free copy of her book! (even though she doesn't get a dedication--maybe for Parvati's sequel? lol)

Structure-wise, I loved how you showed us Trelawney's death in a dream (I thought that was her actual death scene) and then had it actually happen afterwards! How ironic that one of the few things she got right turned out to be her death! This was a fantastic story, and thanks for sharing it!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #11, by TidalDragon 

6th July 2014:
Howdy Adi!

I have been wanting to read this story since I first saw it, but have been trying (and failing) to keep up with my own writing and the House Cup (and life) and consequently not reading and reviewing as freely as usual. But here we are with a reviewing task and so I knew I had to check it out!

First off, taking on Trelawney is interesting and bold in itself. I wondered when I considered the choice - how can this be pulled off? Trelawney is such a uniquely strange individual and capturing her thinking, especially through this perspective seemed like quite a challenge - but you did it very well!

Most of the time when I read Trelawney in any form, she is incredibly trope-y. She's weird for weird's sake. She's there to be the butt of jokes. She's just not taken seriously. But you did something more. You showed us some of her disappointments and frustrations while also showing us this confidence that she had inside that I know I never expected. And then you vindicated that confidence, but in the cruelest possible way.

I thought the descriptions of the vision/dream, the awakening, and then the end were really well done. They brought that message home, while still capturing that peculiarity that is uniquely Trelawney. After all, who else would while being ripped apart and killed, think any kind of pleased thoughts? Yet here we are with Trelawney feeling vindicated as she dies - an odd emotion at death, but somehow totally appropriate.

As you warned in advance, the story was definitely different, but I thought you did a great job with it and it was an enjoyable read!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #12, by toomanycurls 

26th May 2014:
Hello Adi!

Thanks for doing a review swap with me. I think I read this while it was in the queue and really liked it then.

I can imagine how cutting it would be to have a student not acknowledge their professor in a subject they went on to be famous for. You managed to make me feel sorry for Trelawney, which was easier than I thought considering that I don't particularly like her.

What kind of respectable tea place uses tea bags?!?! I'd lose my temper too.

Maybe Sybil wishes she had stuck to tea bags after seeing the grim. :-/

It is nice that, while terrifying, she believed her own prediction of death. There were times in the books where I wondered if she really bought into her predictions.

Her death scene was spectacular. I love how she dreamt it then it happened. I was blown away by how well that worked. Ah, I love the morbid irony if her feeling validated by her own seer abilities in her own death. It's extremely poetic.

You did a great job with such story! Thank you for swapping

-Rose

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Review #13, by Veritaserum27 

24th May 2014:
Hi!

Tagging you from review tag!

I am duly impressed that this is 750 words exactly. I do not think that I could do that with a story. However, I must say that the story didn't feel rushed or over-edited. You did a really nice job making sure you still told what you wanted to tell within your word limit.

I have never read a Trelawney fic before and I really think the second person point of view worked well with this piece. I like that she doubts herself and her abilities.

You really caught me at the end! She wakes up from the nightmare and realized it was just a dream and then the clock said 3:21 and she had one minute to process that she was about to die - that was a great twist.

Was Lavender the werewolf? I thought she might be because she was mentioned in Parvati's dedication. I know that Greyback got her during the battle of Hogwarts.

Nice job - on both the horror story part and the second person point of view part. Thanks for the great read!

~Beth (Veritaserum27)

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Review #14, by patronus_charm 

24th May 2014:
Hi Adi, here to review your entry!

Wow this story was so haunting but so great too! I loved how you characterised Sybil in her old age because stories of her then are rather lacking which is sort of strange given how interesting she is. I almost felt quite sorry for her seeing how far she had fallen with the way Parvati wrote the dedication to Lavender and left just a cruel jibe for Sybil. Though I have to say I loved how Parvati was into all of that now!

One thing which was really interesting about her was how fixated she was about the fact she could tell the future and how she was related to the famous seer Casandra. It was almost as if because her life really had nothing else at all she clung onto it even more in the hope it would somehow anchor her. I feel bad laughing about this but itís just the irony of her finally getting a prediction right but it would have to be the worse one possible as itís her very own death!

Ooh, one small point on the second person POV is that I loved it because it just seemed to work with Sybil because sheís just such a mad and eccentric character I really canít image it in other POV as it would just feel weird so great job of using it so well here!

The last section was the bit which was truly haunting! I think it was the way death just seemed to seep in everywhere from the smells, to herself and it just made me and her too I think, realise how much death haunts you throughout your life and then finally snatches you away. It was just such a horrible ending because at first she was elated for finally getting something right and then she realised she died, and eurgh, it was just horrible, and poor, poor Sybil!

Thanks for writing such a great entry, Adi, I really enjoyed reading it :D

-Kiana

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Review #15, by Lostmyheart 

23rd May 2014:
Hi Adi! (I've seen others call you that, so I hope it's okay for me too :P )

Seriously. It was worth the wait. Without a doubt a very scary story, and I can't believe you managed to write that with only 750 words! I'm like, how did you do that?! Of course by writing it, but you know what I mean :D

You gave it a very nice and slow start, she wasn't in the best mood - when have we ever seen her happy? - and it was such a nice detail, that Parvati Patil wrote her own book! I loved it. And the fact that she thanked Lavender Brown... I could really understand why she was so angry.

As you revealed that she was going to die, I thought that it must have been terrible. Imagine to predict your own death, that would be one of the most terrifying things! And how you gave her that nightmare first, finally confirming that she was in fact a true seer, but no one would ever know - because she died a minute after. Dumbledore knows too, but I guess that doesn't count either... he's dead too.

When I read the last twelve lines (yup, I counted) I sat still and felt my heartrate quicken. It was such a horrible way to die, and poor Sybill. Ugh.
You're extremely talented, without a doubt.

I loved reading your story, and thank you so much for entering my challenge!

Big hug,
Avi

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