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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SnowFeather 

6th December 2015:
What happened to Sloan? I feel something weird is going on. Nate is a good guy and smart enough to notice that Albus has the biggest crush on Wren.
But Wren, why is she so stubborn to admit his true feeling for her? Poor Albus.

It's progress that Albus and Wren were talking about the tactics against bunnys. I expect you'll show us the team Albus and Wren find the clue against Dillon's evil plan.

You showed us when Wren was taking photos, her condition became carefree. And I could feel how Albus cared about her. I also enjoyed the Quidditch scene.

It's restless for Albus that James kept doing pranks on him. Finally the map was gone. It's annoying for Albus everything including soap, are enchanted, especially in the shower, feeling being exposed and defenseless.

Wish you and your family happy winter holidays!

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, something weird is going on. Nate is very observant. I bet he wishes Albus would notice as much as he should as well.

Wren loves being a photographer. I think she will be taking lots of pictures for a long, long time. I'm glad you enjoyed the Quidditch scene. It's not easy for me to write, but it's fun to do some action now and then.

Albus is not enjoying this prank war that his brother insists on. Even though James is the older brother, he doesn't act as mature as his age sometimes. That is unfortunate.

Thanks for the review! I love hearing from you!

Pix


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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 

30th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here again with another grouped chapter review for you!!

Chapter 11: I really enjoyed this chapter! I was able to get more of a sense of who Nate was as a character. Although, I am not sure where his character is going to play into this yet, I am really enjoying him as a character! I really liked how they went into more detail about vampires. :) I was able to understand a lot more the direction that you are taking here not that it wasn't already clear from previous chapters. I was once again annoyed at Rose's need to over do or fix and fit together attitude at the Book Club. It bothered me that her and Callie wouldn't let Wren be Wren. Then again... little do Rose and Callie know the importance of what the dressed her up as. Very clever piece of foreshadowing here! That also helped quell my annoyance with them. Oh and James... that James Potter and his sneaky take the Map back! Hahahahaha! Madam Pince... she is an odd duck!

Chapter 12: Poor Wren! She is really down for the count in the beginning of this chapter, but she asks about Albus' rabbit. I love it when he responds with "the Rabbit" as its name! :) I wish he could just get up the nerve to just ask her out already. I feel bad that he always seems to end up in these awkward positions all the time with her. I mean yeah I know he is her friend and everything and that is what friends do, but he just needs to ask her! Yeah Rabbits and the ability to apparate. I will tell you that you have truly made this a joy to read! Once I think I have one thing figured out, there is the curve ball that changes my thinking entirely. Well done! I loved how Albus is tallying the amount of days too. Poor Mr. Summers... he was the most unsuspecting victim to Madam Pince... not what you would expect either. I am scared at what they are plotting!

Chapter 13: I LOVED this chapter!! I have been super curious about Smeed and now getting to see his character development in a chapter was great! You did an awesome job. I really enjoyed the banter between him and Burns and the mystery that surrounds them! I also liked how the chapter focuses back on Wren and the outcome of the drink she had. Although, it does lead the others to completely think it is James' fault when it isn't. That evil bunny!!

Chapter 14: I really like how this started off with Rose plotting and how you mention that when she plots, she cleans. Sounds exactly like me when I am angry I clean so I was excited to make a connection with her! I also really like how Trudy is one of those people that will just say what is on everyone elses mind or so that is how she appears to me. It helps to balance out Rose and Callie in my opinion. Also... "your rabbit snores!" I seriously laughed WAY more than I should of at this, but I couldn't help it!! :) Oh the on again off again between Scorpius and Albus against James. Those girls... fangirls... I really wish Albus would tell them off... or maybe Trudy!!

Chapter 15: There is a lot of confusion on Wren's part in the beginning of this chapter. I know it is intentional, but I feel bad that she has suffered without really knowing she is suffering or that the bunny and Dillon are behind it all. I was super excited that she decided to actually do the photos and that she actually showed up to do them instead of staying with Bunny, but there he is under the stands. I like that the Weasley/Potter clan are sporadically strewn about in different houses. It makes the story seem more realistic especially after the war that they would end up in a mixture of places. I am interested to see what happens with her shots because of Bunny too. If she got them or if this is going to add to more of the building issues she is having because of what is going on. Albus... poor poor Albus! James is so sneaky and rotten! Hahahahaha!! :)

Over all... I loved these chapters and I thought you did a great job making sure that everything was concise and not confusing. I also want you to know that I enjoy your descriptions. I always feel like I am there with the characters as I read the story. I didn't find anything out of place, misspelled or confusing!! The plot is really in full swing and I am excited to find out what happens next!

Keep up the awesome job!!
-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response:

Hi again! I am really loving the summary review style here. I should ask for this more often. :)

Chapter 11: Yes to the foreshadowing, and boo on Rose and Callie for adding some distress to Wren's life when she has so much going on, but that's what you get when you choose not to open up to your friends. James has too much fun sometimes, I think. And yeah, Madame Pince. She's not quite right here.

Chapter 12: Ah, well. Albus is always searching for the right time with Wren. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be one. He really doesn't know what to do with himself here. I tried to keep things rather unexpected, so I'm glad that's working for you here. :)

Chapter 13: I had this weird thought a little while ago that I should just scrap this whole teen thing and start over with Smeed's story, because he's incredibly interesting to me as well. But then all the HP elements of the story would be lost, and there'd be no one in Hogwarts to balance out the plot... maybe one day I'll play with him more, give him his own story or something.

Chapter 14: I like Trudy for that exact reason. It's also probably the same reason she's not close to the other girls like she could be. And yeah, Trudy would take care of those fangirls in a heartbeat if she put her mind to it.

Chapter 15: Wren's not completely aware of her situation yet, that's true, but she's getting there. I hated drawing it out, but there was this plot that I had to follow to make it all work out. I thought so too about all the relatives being scattered throughout the different Houses. I mean, sure, they might all be in the same House, but I'd figure that they'd all have different traits, so it would make sense to diversify. Also, since it's mostly Wren's story, I didn't have the focus on that family so I wanted there to be some distance between them too. James is sneaky AND rotten. Boo on James!

Oh, I am happy to hear that you weren't confused by anything. I sometimes struggle with clarity, especially since this plot got so crazy when I was writing it. My brain kept wanting to add "one more thing", and it got really hard to handle there for a while.

Thanks for another great set of reviews! I really appreciate this!

Pix



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Review #3, by TidalDragon 

6th October 2014:
Howdy! It's been QUITE awhile! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, life's been a bit of a nightmare recently and it's only getting crazier. I keep telling myself I'm going to make it to Christmas, but sometimes I think I'm going to pass out for sure before that happens.

ANYWAY...this was a rather simple and straightforward chapter, making it a good one to ease back into the story. James continues on with his mischief, really living up to his namesake, but I'm incredibly intrigued to see just what Albus gets up to now that he (at least ostensibly) has the map. Is there a plot wrinkle in our future? It seems the map would be quite an asset to that little creeper Dillon.

Speaking of his creepiness, it just continues to grow right there along with his boldness. Having his little horde just attack people like that is really something else.

As far as the details of the writing go, I thought you had a nice balance between the descriptions, thoughts, and dialogue. You have a real talent for that, and for accomplishing it with a minimum of fuss but still getting your ideas across eloquently. The only thing that came across as a touch off to me was this bit: "...snuck into the Slytherin shower room to charm one of the stalls to only let his brother in..." To steal his towel, wouldn't he want to make sure he only goes into one particular stall, thus locking all but one against Albus rather than making it so one specifically opened for him? I don't know, it's very late and perhaps I'm confused, but this seemed a touch off.

Even though it's been awhile, I will say I miss Wren. I hope she's alright with that little monster living off her like a leech! Hopefully she'll be around next time?

Author's Response: Hi! Welcome back to crazy rabbits!

The map would be quite an asset, you're right. But I don't want to make things too easy for these characters. I guess you'll have to see how it plays out in the end.

Thanks! I try to have some balance, and I don't like hitting people over the head with spelling out things that they could reasonably figure out on their own. On the flip side, I do tend to lack a certain clarity from time to time. I'm constantly working on that. I'm glad you thought most things were in place. Yeah, that actiony bit kind of ran away from me. I'll put that on my list of things to clean up later. Thanks!

Aww, Wren misses you too. Don't worry. I think this was the only chapter that she doesn't appear in.

Thanks so much for the incredibly lovely review! I'm sure you'll make it to Christmas in one piece. Take some time to stop and breathe. That usually helps with the not-passing-out. :)

Pix


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Review #4, by Infinityx 

13th September 2014:
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU'VE UPDATED, I'VE BEEN CONSISTENTLY CHECKING MY READING LIST. Okay, maybe there was a lapse for a while. A long while.

So, hi. This is where I stopped and I see I have three more chapters to go. I can't believe I didn't notice. Anyway, here now. And onto the review. :D

I love how the first part is from James' perspective because it totally worked and I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. Okay, slowing down. I love how you've portrayed James in this. He's not just this annoying mischief maker like how he seems through Albus' thoughts. He's actually using this time to complete his essays and I totally agree that it's not cheating if all the quills are doing are putting his thoughts down. I wish I had a few of those.

Hmm, why are the two potions different in taste and consistency though? They do pretty much the same thing so shouldn't they also taste the same? Unless it's because the two quills are targeting two separate aspects of his thoughts. Yeah, that makes sense. :P

Hahaha, Lori is so cool. I don't remember if there was an indicator of Albus recruiting her to get the map for him but that was pure GENIUS. And she totally pulled it off perfectly. I can imagine the look on James' face right now and I cannot stop laughing. :'D And then the "Albus!" part. Weirdly, his voice sounded to me like Kevin's mother in Home Alone when she shouts "Kevin!" :P if you haven't watched the movie, I suggest you do. But I'm sure you have because who hasn't, and can't you hear it? :D

Totally going off track here. Anywayy...

Wow. When Dillon ends up at a place where they cook rabbits, that was just creepy the way the rabbits swarmed over Harold. Those are definitely vampire rabbits. How did you even come up with that? :o But I'm not sure if Dillon is a vampire as well. He obviously has some sort of connection to them and is on some mission but I still can't figure out what. Maybe it's world domination or something? (Yeah, totally non-creative)

Maude's reaction was...weird. It's as though the rabbits affect her in some different manner. And the final scene when she falls to her knees...I don't understand what she means. WHAT IS GOING ON, PIX? PLEASE JUST TELL ME AND SPARE THE CURIOSITY. :(

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I think this is the first time Wren hasn't appeared in a chapter. It kind of slows the pace down, which is good, because now there's a lot more emphasis on what Dillon is up to. And there has to be more significance to the antics between James and Albus because...well, when has anything in this plot NOT been significant?

Wow, this was just amazing and I couldn't spot any mistakes and I'm totally going to read on! I'll be back to review some more once I'm done with the pending ones! LOVE THIS STORY AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVEN'T FAVOURITED IT ALREADY. Doing so now. Love it. Thank you for bringing me back to this.

~Erin

Author's Response:

So hi again!

Ah, yes, James! I'm very relieved that you were surprised by that little twist, because if you had seen it coming, then James would probably have caught on as well, and then things wouldn't have gone so well for Albus. Haha! That was so much fun to write. And yeah, I can see James sounding just like that. :)

James isn't a bad guy, but you know how the people closest to you can sometimes fixate on things and then get a skewed perspective? I think that's what's going on between the two brothers. It was fun to imagine that James' uncle would share some of his tricks of the trade with the boy. And of course, James would be totally okay with using them.

The whole swarming rabbit thing... I don't know where that came from. I think I watch too many scary shows or something. There's more to come about Dillon. I hope I'm not making it too frustrating for you. He's a sneaky little thing.

Ah, well... maybe Maude's section wasn't as clear as I had wanted it to be. I shall go back and see if I can clean that up a bit.

You're probably right. Without going back to check, I do believe this is the first full chapter without Wren. Albus and James do have a few more scenes later on, I don't know if I'd call it significant, but it's important to Albus, so there's that.

I'm so glad you returned to see my crazy rabbits in action! Thanks for the favorite and the lovely review, and I'm always happy to read your take on these chapters!

Pix


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Review #5, by CambAngst 

21st April 2014:
Hi, pix! For what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision by curtailing your posting schedule. It's better to slow down a little and keep the quality high instead of rushing.

Finally, a peek inside James's head! I don't mean to imply that you should have done it earlier, by the way. I think this was a perfect point in the story to finally draw back the curtain. We've seen everything about James through Albus's point of view so far and like a lot of what Albus thinks, his understanding of his older brother has a few flaws. That's completely natural for male siblings; each always thinks that the other is out to get him. It does seem like James views pranking Albus as a challenge, but it's not the all-consuming obsession that you'd think it was if you were only listening to Albus. James has bigger things on his mind, like getting his schoolwork done as quickly as possible to leave more time for pranks and other shenanigans. That's a good Seventh Year lad!

George Weasley, genius. Seriously, there seems to be little beyond that man's ingenuity. I loved the potion/quill combination.

Yeah, after all that, the rest was easy. -- I see a lot of Fred and George in James. The lengths he will go to in order to pull off the perfect prank.

Albus! -- Ha! I did NOT see that coming. You concealed it beautifully until the last possible moment. Bravo!

Things are getting more clear where Dillon is concerned. I'm not 100% convinced that he's a vampire, but his rabbits clearly are. He has telepathic control over them and in turn they allow him to control other people. He's mastered some pretty advanced wizarding skills, like apparition. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that the rabbits have mastered apparition and Dillon is just along for the ride. He also has an oddly childlike perspective on events. He thinks of the thralls his rabbits create as friends, even though he's plainly controlling them.

I loved the irony of having Bob, Harold and Maude cooking rabbits when Dillon arrives. It gave him a perfect opportunity to be creepy and impassive, with just a hint of judgment. You wrote that so well!

I think I saw a tiny typo in this chapter:

Then the boy took out a ratty journal and open it to the back. -- opened it to the back.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Okay, so after taking six weeks to get the next chapter up, and probably just as long letting this kind and inspiring review gather dust, I have brushed off everything that got dropped and I'm getting back to it again.

I thought it was time to shed some light onto James Potter's intentions. Just to be clear, he has his own agenda that seems to be contrary to what Albus thinks of him. However, that doesn't mean that his little brother won't get caught in the crossfire. James really hasn't made Albus' feelings a priority, though many people might think he should. I think James would take great pride in having an uncle like George. He's probably rubbed off on his nephew more than he knows.

Surprise! Haha! I figured that James would eventually figure out what was going on, but not before Lori made her move. The things people can be talked into...

Yes, yes, all that about Dillon is fairly accurate.

You know that point when you read a scene over and think, "Gosh, that's dull. What if things were more interesting?" Or maybe you don't, and you have great scenes from the start. I tend to work through scenes in layers, so when Bob and Harold were sitting around, I asked myself, "What would be the most conflicting thing I could have them doing when Dillon walks in?"

I am quite pleased with the results. I thought for a moment about Dillon taking more offense to things, but then when I think about what he eats, it didn't make much sense for him to get angry. Anyway, glad you liked it.

Ah, pesky typo!

Thanks for the great review!


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Review #6, by MargaretLane 

19th April 2014:
*cheers for the quills writing the essays themselves* I agree, it's not cheating if all they are doing is the physical writing.

*laughs at the map being stolen from James* Effective.

Hmm, I'm really getting the impression the rabbits effect men and women differently.

Happy Easter.

Author's Response:

James is getting a little payback dealt his way. Glad you appreciated that!

Happy Easter to you too!


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