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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Summer Snake 

24th May 2015:
Greetings from The Summer Snake! I have recently slithered out of hibernation and discovered this amazing place with such amazing stories, so I want to read and review as many as I can before I go back into hibernation!

WOW. JUST WOW. I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS STORY. IT IS ABSOLUTELY MIND BLOWING.

So I have read all the chapters up till now and it's just freaking amazing! The plot is so unique, so original, I've literally never seen anything like it. Like VAMPIRE RABBITS?! Wow.

I am trying to be coherent in this review but having a lot of trouble because I have so much to say but I'm speechless too because really this story is just brilliant.

I love your characterisation of Wren. She is a very nice girl and I feel sorry for what's happening to her. I sincerely hope she realises just how terrible her Bunny is very soon. I also like how you've fleshed out her relationship with Albus. The two are obviously very good friends who like each other and I hope things progress between the two - but that looks kinda hard with all the crazy stuff going on.

OMG SMEED IS A VAMPIRE TOO?! I did not see that coming. You literally have an amazing way to completely blow your readers away. The twists and turns in this plot never stop and I'm loving it.

Being a snake, I never really liked rabbits anyway so it's nice to them portrayed as evil - perhaps now you humans will appreciate us slithery snakes more rather than those so called cuddly rabbits, eh. *hisses nonchalantly*

Back to the story, I really don't know what else to say except your writing is brilliant. I am loving your descriptions and your plot. You've done really well in capturing this insane plot and turning it into such an amazing narrative. And when I said insane, I meant it in a good way!

I am curious to see how things proceed and what is up with Dillon at the moment. That boy totally creeps me out - and well I'm a scary reptilian creature so I should not be creeped out by some human boy but I am. But wait, Dillon is not really human so I guess my fear is sort of justified.

Ah look at my confused little snake brain - I keep going off track. My point is, I love this story and I'm so pleased I slithered out of my hole and came across this wonderful piece of work. I am definitely going to keep reading and leave you some reviews ahead, but perhaps in another form ;)

Great story, really enjoying it. Hats off (if I wore a hat) for thinking of such a complex yet brilliant plot and for executing it so perfectly. Keep going!

*showers confetti and flowers* Here, a reward for your wonderful talent.

Now I'd love to stay on and continue to sing praises of this amazing story but sadly I do not have much time so I'll be off to explore more of this wonderful sun! See ya!

With love,
The Summer Snake

Author's Response:

Hello, Summer Snake!

I have let this sit unanswered for too long, but it was so beautiful I just wanted to stare at it.

I don't know if you think the same way, but vampire rabbits could make a tasty snack, if you can avoid the fangs. Maybe you can hop on into (or slither) my story and help these characters out a bit?

Wren IS a nice girl, and Albus is a good friend. You're right. There's just so much going on here that they can't get it together just yet.

I wouldn't try snacking on Smeed. He's very fast, and not as tasty as rabbits. :P

Thank you so much for coming over and reading my story! I hope you get a chance to come back and read to the end. The last few chapters should be posted sometime in August.

Loved your review!

Pix


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Review #2, by Infinityx 

16th April 2014:
Ohmygosh!! VAMPIRE RABBITS! THIS PLOT JUST KEEPS GETTING CRAZIER.

I knew that that guy - Smeed - had something to do with Dillon when he entered the inn! Who just shows up like that, breaks up a fight, and asks to be hired? And they don't know anything about him!! Wow, vampires. I never thought of that possibility. Although, I did have a feeling that Dillon wasn't just a normal boy. *mind whirs like clockwork* Okay, I still got nothing. I have no clue where this is going, and that's brilliant!

I love the iPad reference!! Bringing in some Muggle technology into a magically powered world, brilliant!

"Spiced rum, or brandy?"
How do you write like this, how?! You are so awesome! And you update so quickly, with each chapter so amazing! How? :o

STAY AWAY FROM WREN YOU EVIL RABBIT. I do hope she's alright. :(

I hope there are some more clues in the next chapter. Wow, vampires...

~Erin

Huffleclaw - Ravenpuff extravaganza

Author's Response:

VAMPIRE RABBITS!! Yes, I agree that deserves all caps. LOL!

Yeah, what's up with that guy, Smeed?? And who's Dillon??? Okay, I should know the answers to these questions, and lucky for you, I'm on chapter 31, so I guess you'll have to wait and see... though there's a scene in chapter 16 that's giving me fits in revision. Sigh.

Anyway. iPad references were so fun! And vampires going out for a drink. I seriously could not resist that. I don't know where it came from. I was like, "Okay, two vampires go out for a drink. Where do they go? What do they do?" and BAM. There it was.

I did have a lot of this pre-written, so I'm actually not fast, I'm just well-stocked. Hahaha! I didn't post anything for a whole year is how I did that. I just kept my head down and wrote my story. And then I revised it. And now I'm posting. So... there it is.

There should be little clues in every chapter from now on. It's gone on far too long not to do that. Let me know if it gets confusing anywhere.

Thanks for another great review!!


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Review #3, by MargaretLane 

14th April 2014:
Smeed has no magic of his own? I wonder if he's a Squib. Or a vampire. The latter is possible too. Perhaps vampires police their own.

I wonder if it's Dillon he's tracking. I guess so, but it may not be that simple.

I'm now starting to think Smeed MAY be a vampire. That'd be interesting.

And now he's ruled out my original theory of his being a Squib.

LOVE the use of the i-pad.

And he is starting to explain how much he knew about Wren. But he doesn't seem to know there are rabbits involved, so what did he mean by her friends. *ponders*

You've written "we split a does of pepperup," when I assume it should be "dose".

Author's Response:

Nope. Smeed is magic-less. But his friend knows how to use current technology. Glad you liked that bit!

Wren's symptoms didn't make much sense to Smeed. He's never seen anything like it. Hopefully people will start getting clues soon, right?

Thanks for the typo catch! Those pesky things!


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Review #4, by CambAngst 

30th March 2014:
pix! You are moving forward at such a good clip these days. Where do you find the time???

Smeed! I knew there was more to this guy than just being able to break up bar fights. After he helps Wren out, it seemed pretty obvious that he knew what Dillon was up to and what to do about it. Now the rest of it spills.

Burns cracked me up. It's so rare to see a character in a HP fan fic story who really lives in modernity. Here we have a guy who uses an iPad, sells antiquities on eBay and has no issues with making fun of the rest of the magical world for their outmoded sense of style. Brilliantly done!

Back to Smeed, however. So he's a vampire. So is Burns, it appears. And they both work for some sort of vampire council, if I'm following correctly. It makes sense. Based on what we learned from the history teacher a couple of chapters back, vampires like living on the margins of society, away from the attention of wizards and muggles alike. So when a vampire goes rogue -- or in the case of Dillon, I guess, one is just too young and naive to realize what they're doing -- there needs to be somebody to restore order. I haven't been the biggest Dillon fan so far, but I'm a little worried about what happens to him if Burns and Smeed find him.

Their conversation about feeding was hilarious. Every vampire story should have some lines like that.

Poor Wren! Not only is she all banged up from Madam Pince's potion, her best friend has the cause all wrong! This is not helping, Albus! Get it together!

I just hope that whatever Albus snapped around her wrist is enough to keep her from falling back under Bunny's control. At first blush it doesn't seem like it, but maybe it will work out in the end. I don't like it when Wren's in "Thrall Mode".

I love the way you're bringing the plot along with this story. You had a great plot going from the outset, but you keep finding new and fascinating directions to take things in. Awesome job!

Author's Response:
Dan! You're back! For a little while, anyway.

I loved writing Burns! He's truly embraced the modern world and using it to his greatest advantage. I think if I were really old and had many lifetimes more to experience, I'd be making the best of things too. Now I'm thinking that I need to do a vampire spin-off one day of these two gallivanting around the countryside, tracking down rogue vampires and keeping the peace between wizards and the Council. With a possible altercation of international supernatural law... and no teens... and I'm way ahead of myself here...

You might want to be worried for Dillon. But only if you feel obligated.

Albus is REALLY trying to help Wren with her problems. The big problem is that he really has no idea what her problems are. Flail!! At least he's giving it his best shot. Pretty soon, they'll have more information and he'll be able to do something more useful than accuse the wrong source.

So, I guess there's nothing left to say except "Yay, vampires!"

LOL

Thanks for the great review!


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Review #5, by TidalDragon 

30th March 2014:
Alright. So vampire rabbits. And Smeed was trying to help. And apparently Dillon is a vampire too, trying to do magic for some reason. And the thrall thing is playing out with Wren after all. Well, I have to say I certainly never saw it coming from the start, so kudos for that.

I am sincerely hoping that Wren, Albus, or one of her other friends figures out the tea thing and sticks to it. Hopefully she'll go normal again long enough to figure things out for sure and perhaps try to resist whatever nefarious scheme Dillon has planned via Madame Pince and Summers.

All in all to answer your specific questions succinctly, I do not think it is too dark. I do think it is a bit odd (I'm not a fan of vampire stuff as a general rule), but since you wrote the mysterious aspects of it so well and developed it so subtly up until the most recent chapters, I have to give you props anyway. You toed the line a couple of times in terms of making it too complicated, but for me, you did not cross it. You balanced some normal and quasi-normal scenes with your characters enough with the mystery elements to not lose track of them, though I will say I think Albus, Rose, and Scorpius could use a bit more development somehow since they seem to be pretty important. Maybe we get some moments with them instead of the ex-boyfriend and Nate?

Bottom line: unorthodox, but well-written; not sure I'll continue based on the vampirism in the plot, but it's possible given that I'm this invested by now.

Best of luck and PM me if you have any additional questions. Hope the reviews were of help!

Author's Response:
You made it all the way here! I seriously am in awe of your tenacity!

From here on out, the answers will be trickling in slowly from different sides of the story. Hopefully, I've done it in a way that will be interesting, and not in a frustrating, ill-paced way. But only time will tell.

Definitely, Albus, Rose and Scorpius all have scenes coming up that will give them better-rounded characterization in the future. Unfortunately, the story isn't done with Ian or Nate, so they'll be around too.

I'm kind of pleased that you're invested this far in spite of the vampire component in the story. Even though they're in there, the story isn't solely about vampires, but I can see how if you're not into them that it would definitely be a turn off.

I'm actually quite happy with the term "unorthodox" to describe this piece. I kind of feel the same way about it, and honestly, it was one of my goals to write something unexpected and unique.

Thank you so much for your willingness to look at the story as a whole and give me your thoughts along the way. This was extremely helpful and I can see where there are places that I might have pushed a little too hard on, and places where I should have pushed harder.

The story has a total of 33 chapters at this time, though I'm currently writing chapter 31 and I think I might have to expand some things to tie up all of my plot threads. Meanwhile, since I'm only posting one chapter a week, it gives me time to make adjustments along the way. Your thoughts have given me a few ideas that I can incorporate into the coming chapters.

Thanks so much!


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