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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart 

17th August 2015:
Hey Pix!

Back for another Gryffindor Review Battle review! Go Team Red!

I forgot to mention the whole thing with Madame Pince getting bit by the rabbit in my last review, but this chapter reminded me. I had been wondering if Dillon instructed the bunny to bite her or if it's just a vicious bunny, but I think this chapter has answered that.

I feel pretty certain at this point that Dillon is indeed a vampire of some sort. That would explain the feedings and I think possibly why he hadn't been accepted into Hogwarts. It would also explain why he'd had the rabbit bite Madame Pince. It was feeding for him? Is that even a thing? Or maybe this is all a red herring of sorts and you just want me to think that he's a vampire.

The party was very strange. Madame Pince's behavior was quite unusual and her insistence that everyone drink punch was very ominous from the get go. I wondered if it wasn't going to have some strange effect on everyone. Maybe she's setting them all up for Dillon's arrival so that he can feed on all of them a little bit.

And that whole piece about thrall's and vampires was interesting as well. I feel like it's all foreshadowing of things to come although I can't pinpoint exactly what yet.

I did find the beginning section in Nate's POV to be a little random, mainly because I've gotten used to it pretty much being in Wren's POV except that time it was in Albus' POV.

Anyway, I'm quite interested to see what comes next!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response:

Hi!

Dillon. Bunnies. You have good instincts. They will keep you alive in the coming apocalypse.

It's a... thing. Sort of. If it's not, it's a thing for this story. I've played some questionable RPG systems where it might have been a thing, but that was a long time ago. Let's just say that it works here and forget about the technicalities.

That bit about instincts I said earlier, still good. You're definitely a survivor.

Surprise! Random POV! Nah, I just thought it was time to see things from a different angle. I promise that it's all relevant at some point.

Pix


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Review #2, by adluvshp 

24th January 2015:
Hey again.

So, I loved the History of Magic discussion in the beginning of the story. At first I felt it was a little unnecessary but then I realised it was definitely necessary as the talk shifted to vampires. It's confirmed now (I think) that Dillon is a vampire. It also looks like his mother might have been his thrall, or the rabbits are the thralls and so are the people that get connected to the rabbits minds. I may be wrong but that's what it looks like to me right now. Good job on clearing some stuff up using the lesson.

Uh I do not like Ian. He sounds like an idiot. Albus on the other hand is adorable. I am glad he and Wren got to spend some time together. It was very interesting to see Madam Pince so lively and out-of-character here too, must be the effect of the rabbit. I wonder what is in the punch - it feels like she is trying to get Rose's mind to connect with the rabbit's again, though Mr Summers also felt its effects, which was weird. Again, the mystery continues.

So far, Wren's character has been consistent and I liked her. However, I felt like it was a bit strange of Wren to let her best friend Rose get close to Ian when she knows what kind of a person Ian is. I feel like she should have probably tried talking to Rose again or something, instead of just being like "But if Rose didn't mind being treated like a cuff link and being kissed like someone was siphoning her brain through her throat, then that was her problem!" That was a bit mean on her part and it didn't seem much like Wren.

Other than that, I think this chapter was very good, with definitely further progress into the mystery. I'm curious to see what's up with the grey rabbit and Bunny and what happens to Wren and her friends now. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Hello!

History of Magic can be excruciatingly boring under the proper conditions. I thought it would be fun to do something with the class to help out the characters a bit. You know, because there's this mystery, and they don't have a clue, and it could be bad if they don't figure things out... I can see by your comments that you were one of the people who actually paid attention, instead of charming paper airplanes and whatnot.

I'll just clear this up right now. Ian is not to be liked. He IS an idiot. There.

Hey, you know that stubborn friend who never listens to you until it's too late? Erm, that's what's going on there. Wren is well aware that Rose has heard the stories. And well... Rose. I suppose Wren could have tried harder, but why waste your breath when you know they won't listen?

I am so glad you are still curious about the mystery and rabbits, and Wren and her friends too. Thanks for all your comments!


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Review #3, by MargaretLane 

13th April 2014:
Last year, he'd have been in 5th year, right? I don't think students CAN give up subjects before their O.W.L.S. Doesn't Ron say at the end of 2nd year when they are talking about subject choices that they've to keep all the subjects they were already doing and only have choices with regard to the new ones? Plus, if he didn't pass the O.W.L., he'd have no qualification in History of Magic. I don't think Hogwarts would be like "oh, you understand the information, so you don't have to do the exam that's the only thing accepted if you are applying for a job that requires History of Magic". Surely, if he tested well, he'd be more encouraged to keep on the subject even if it HAD BEEN optional.

Plus, if he's done different history, I doubt he'd pass the exam anyway, since the exams would surely be on what was taught at Hogwarts. And he couldn't pass the O.W.L. unless he knew the stuff that the Ministry approved course focused on. Just knowing history in general is no good if you can't pass the O.W.L. in it, because you are not going to have any qualification. And would he be allowed to take it for the N.E.W.T.S. if he hadn't taken an O.W.L. in it? From Half Blood Prince, it sounds as if entry to N.E.W.T. level courses is based on your result in that subject in the O.W.L.S. Can't imagine a student being allowed to take a N.E.W.T. level course without having even done the O.W.L.

And the way Nate was educated sounds really interesting.

I also wonder what use extra credit is in a system where students gain their qualification by doing an external exam. It does sound as if they have to pass their summer tests to progress to the next year, so I guess if you were really in danger of failing, it might be some use, but it's not going to improve their performance in the N.E.W.T.S, since they appear to be set by the Ministry and Mr. Summers would have no say in the grading of that.

Yup, Dillon is a vampire. Summers's description of them seems to fit with what Dillon was talking about.

And I suspect that he can somehow get blood when the rabbits bite somebody. I'm not sure how, but I've a feeling that sustains him somehow.

I think it is interesting that being bitten by a vampire doesn't appear to turn somebody into one in this story and doesn't even appear to be that big a deal. It fits with the wizarding world though, where part-humans are often more discriminated against than anything else. And of course the great thing about vampires in the Potterverse is that we don't know much about them, so you are free to characterise them a number of different ways. If there even are vampires in this story, which hasn't yet been confirmed.

I do find it interesting though, that Mr. Summers seems more pro-vampire than Hermione's book, when Hermione is the great campaigner for minority rights. And what we have seen of possible vampires seems a bit scary. So maybe Mr. Summers has some particular reason for being pro-vampire. Hmm, I'm now a bit suspicious of him, especially as you brought him in specially, though of course, that could just be to have a competent History of Magic teacher. It's not as if they'd be likely to learn anything useful off Binns, so if you wanted History of Magic to help them solve the mystery, you might have needed somebody a bit more competent.

And this whole concept of ghouls/thralls is interesting. It sounds like Dillon's mum may have been that for him, if she wasn't a vampire herself. And maybe he is sort of "grooming" his "friends" to become that for him.

Oooh, I bet that comment about Wren being the spitting image of the thrall of Drakul is foreshadowing. Maybe Dillon IS sort of grooming her to become his thrall.

And *laughs* Rose dresses up as a character WE learnt about when WE studied myths in history class. We were way younger than your characters though - 8 and 9 years old. I don't know if you know the story of The Brown Bull of Cooley. It probably isn't that well-known outside Ireland. It's not one of the better Irish myths anyway.

And Wren is beginning to notice some of the strange things the rabbit is doing. Great. Maybe she'll start to get suspicious of it soon, unless it starts messing with her brain again, which seems likely. Well, maybe Albus will get suspicious.

Hmm, has Pince poisoned Summers or something. Not seriously; I doubt she's killed him or anything, but it does seem like she's deliberately given him something to make him pass out. I'm assuming Dillon, through the bunny, made her do that. Which kind of sheds doubt on my idea that he's involved with the vampires somehow.

Author's Response:

Hi again!

I'd imagine that if a student enters Hogwarts having been trained elsewhere, the faculty would have a means of placing the student based on their knowledge base. I figured that Nate would have taken placement exams in the subjects he was either required to take or interested in, and then placed accordingly. For the purpose of the story, I imagine that Nate has taken the equivalent of the OWL exams for the subjects that he is currently in, which could either be administered by the Ministry, or by another educational board that is in charge of minors being tutored outside of Hogwarts. The possibilities are endless. :)

As for the extra credit, I am imagining that it is used as an incentive for students, perhaps as a free pass for turning in assignments, or something of that nature. I doubt there is extra credit for passing the NEWT exams.

Dillon's method of sustaining himself has something to do with the rabbits. *nods* There's more of that later, if you're interested. I'm pretty sure that chapter isn't posted yet.

That's the great thing about vampires in HP. I get to make stuff up! Actually, I didn't. Unlike werewolves, which commonly spread their "condition" to anyone that they bite, it's a common belief in many mythos that vampires would have to drain their victims and then feed them vampire blood to revive/change them. Not sure that will have relevance in this story, but that's what I'm rolling with.

Hey, I'm glad someone recognizes Rose's costume! I dragged that out of the HP Lexicon, not sure of how popular it was. It sounded cool anyway. I'll have to look up that myth. I'm quite interested in myths of different cultures.

Wren is definitely becoming more aware. Yay!


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Review #4, by TidalDragon 

30th March 2014:
Hmm. Vampire rabbits or red herring from History of Magic? I suppose time will tell. It's certainly an interesting concept you introduced and an interesting potential theory to think about going forward, though it does not quite seem that what is happening to Wren and Madame Pince is all that "willing" as thralls were described, so that's another piece to think about.

The renewed injection of this Nate character into the story was an interesting piece as well. For me, you've got enough going on with the mystery side to spend too much time getting mucked up introducing another possible pairing in Nate/Wren so I do hope you're not going that direction. The only thing I could think of being positive from that is if Nate serves some greater purpose because he likes Wren, but there is no relationship. Obviously it's your story, but that's just my two cents.

Author's Response:
If I address the Nate thing, I'd be giving away plot, so I'll just say that he's important to the story, hopefully in an unexpected way.

At this point, it would probably be a bad choice for me to blatantly pull the "quick, look over there!" trick, with so many unexplained things floating around. Let's see what you think of the next chapter...


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Review #5, by Infinityx 

26th March 2014:
Hey Pix! I'm finally here for a review that is like a hundred years overdue. I'm so sorry about that! I'll get on to the review now, without any further delay!

Your plot is extremely gripping, like I've told you before. The element of mystery is so overpowering, and the complexity of the whole situation is fascinating! So on to the chapter now!

This Nate character is kind of introduced out of the blue. He appears in the chapter, and suddenly he's gone. I'd have liked to get to know just a little bit more on him. I love the way you've subtly introduced some details about his life into the chapter though! It's just my personal opinion that his part here was a bit abrupt and disconnected from the flow the story. But maybe that's just me. I find it hard to keep up with OCs when their personalities are developed slowly, so disregard this comment if you don't agree.

Wren is so smart when she's not under the bunny's power! I hope thing get better for her soon. :(

I love the way you've described the history lesson. The mood of that setting really came across, and I love how you've written it from Nate's perspective. I can't wait to know who this new guy is! And why was Wren sitting with him? I'm getting even more curious to get to the bottom of this!

Omg, what's wrong with Pince?! I knew there was something off when she was described as friendly and knowing the students' names! Was that indirectly Dillon's doing as well? O.o The plot just keeps getting thicker...

Ugh. Ian is such a sleazeball. Wren should know better than to pay so much heed to what he says to her. And Rose! Why would she fall for his charm?! She seemed to see through that git's alluring layer with the way she was described in the previous chapter. I hope she doesn't get her heartbroken or something, especially after the way Ian treated Wren!

Aww...yay, finally! I can't wait for when the romance finally blossoms between Wren and Albus. They seem like such a perfect couple! And she's finally realizing that she's been neglecting him!

That rabbit gave me the shudders. What. is. happening. here. No, seriously, what. :o and that drink. Mr Summers. Wren. No. I hope she's alright. Who would do such a thing? The events in this chapter kept giving me a really strong sense of foreboding. I have a feeling the pace is going to pick up from the next chapter.

The way you introduced James into the chapter in the end is interesting. It wasn't something completely necessary, although it is connected to the string of events. Hmm...Is it an indicator that the Marauder's map is going to play an important part in the chapters to come?

Overall, I think this chapter was brilliant, just like the previous ones. But I feel like it's time that a bit of light was shed on the entire situation. New characters are being introduced, new events are happening. Even in the previous chapter (which I don't think I've reviewed but enjoyed immensely), the plot was made even more intricate. With so many layers, I think that in order to make sure it doesn't get overwhelmingly complicated, maybe a small strand should be unraveled. So that would make the reader understand things a little bit more, and also keep the curiosity levels high. It's important to make sure there's a balance between the elements introduced and the mysteries uncovered. Good luck with that!

I loved this so far, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds! I hope this review was helpful and not too harsh. *hugs* I'm going to read the next chapter now before I have to run to cla ss! Once again, I'm sorry I took so long to get to this!

~Erin

Author's Response: Erin!

You made it back in one piece! I am so relieved that the rabbits didn't get to you. Whew!

Oh, Nate! Seeing how he only shows up in the Ancient History classes, that's pretty much all we get of him. I did have him introduced back in chapter 7, and I didn't rehash what had happened there, so if you don't remember back that far, I can see how his reappearance would be a bit of a jolt. He's coming back again later, so hopefully it will be more memorable next time. :)

Obviously, Pince is pretty messed up. Thick plot. what can I say?

Yes, let's all hate Ian for a while, shall we? He's just one of those characters that I can't help but unabashedly throw under the bus. I suppose it's human nature to love to hate those kinds of people. And yes, you are right. Rose should absolutely know better.

Oh, I couldn't forget James! He's still doing his "james" thing, and it will eventually connect, sort of, with the rest of the craziness going on. I like the connections. They're a lot of fun to put together in my mind... and a challenge to get right. That's what I get for making the story mechanics so involved. When will I ever learn??

It was really fun getting to write Wren disengaged from her Bunny haze for a little while. She's still herself under there, but it will take a little while for her to figure it all out. And you're right again. Now that there are more events happening and things are getting complicated, it's time for an answer or two. Lucky for you, the characters discover a few things in the next chapter to help things along.

I do worry that I've made things too complicated. We'll see if I can pull it off without looking like a crazy person. Thanks so much for the great review! I love it when you drop by and leave me your thoughts!! Come back whenever you can!

-Pix


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Review #6, by CambAngst 

22nd March 2014:
Hi, pix! It's the weekend! The weekend, when Dan actually has time! Well, a little, anyway.

Wren is such a good student when she's not under the influence of demon bunny brainwaves. Would it help if we got her and Albus tinfoil hats? I hear that keeps the U.N. black helicopter mind-control beams at bay. Maybe it works for demon bunnies, as well.

I thought you really captured the essence of a proper History of Magic lesson. This new teacher Summers is doing Professor Binns proud. Some of the students are paying attention (mostly Ravenclaws), some are struggling to keep up and a lot of them are just zoned out. Who does N.E.W.T.-level History of Magic, anyway?

Ah, so Nate is home-schooled. Was, anyway. I'm still trying to figure out exactly where he fits into the puzzle. An alternative romantic interest for Wren? Vampire bunny fodder? Or maybe, in his family's travels, he's actually seen something like what's happening to Dillon's rabbits. Lots of possibilities, but at the moment he's adding a nice splash of color to your canvas. You really brought along his development in this chapter.

Ooh, and a nice discussion of vampire social norms and feeding practices. Even I was paying attention to History of Magic during that section. So perhaps these rabbits are, in a sense, Dillon's Thralls? Or maybe that's what Madam Pince has become and Wren was on the way to becoming before creepy Mr. Smeed intervened. I love stories that take a marginalized group of magical beings (werewolves, centaurs, banshees, vampires...) mentioned in passing in the books and actually flesh out the lives that they lead. Bravo!

Ha! Leave it to Rose and Callie to get Wren all dolled up for this party of Mister Summers'. I really love the way you set the scene for this event. The widely divergent levels of creativity and participation (three King Arthurs, three Godric Gryffindors) was a perfect touch for a high school event. Everyone, it seems, is just there for the extra credit.

"Singed eyebrows. Nicked Pepperup potion. Good fun." -- I have the oddest desire to start singing All Summer Long by Kid Rock. And I don't even like Kid Rock, not since he went all country.

Madam Pince is officially off-the-charts strange in this chapter. She is pegging the Weird-O-Meter. I didn't have to read any father than the punch bowl -- In a library! Good heavens! -- and it was obvious that something was very, very wrong.

The way his eyes raked over her sent shivers down her spine, and she wasn't sure she liked the sensation. Her shawl was in her purse, which she'd insisted on bringing, along with the camera against Rose's assurance that they'd be "fine without it, what do you need a purse for?" She squinted up at him, seeing the lines of cynicism in his brow that had made her feel smaller than actual size.

Wren had dated this last year? No wonder she was half crazy.
-- Three cheers for age and experience talking!

It's official. I really hope the vampire bunnies do something unspeakably awful to Ian Sloan before the story is over. I can't think of many things that sound too awful for him at this moment.

"Thrall of Drakul. Interesting choice." -- More interesting than you know, lover boy!

Aha! So they've finally seen one of the rabbits teleport. Or whatever it is they do. I'm not sure that they'll trust their own eyes, at least not yet, but they have seen it. The pieces are falling into place...

Oh, my. I don't like whatever has been done with this punch. Not one bit! I'm glad that Wren didn't have too much of it, or at least that she had Albus there to get her out of the situation. Obviously Mister Summers didn't fare so well.

James is still being a jerk, but maybe just a bit less of a jerk in this situation. I suppose there's hope.

Very enjoyable chapter! I feel like your main plot is starting to come together for you in a really good way. And the kids are still thinking and behaving like... well, kids. Good job!

Author's Response: Dan! Dan has a little time! Wait. Why are you HERE?? I feel so honored!

Yes. Yes!! We need foil hats! That will fix EVERYTHING! And it will also make all those demon-bunny thoughts bounce back into Dillon's brain, and then he'll keel over from an overdose of rabbit twitching. Brilliant! And how did you know the U.N. was involved?? Sneaky beta!

Why, Wren does NEWT level History of Magic, of course! Because she's smart! (when she's not being controlled by Bunny thoughts, that is.)

You have lots of guesses about Nate. This is fun! I really shouldn't let you read too far ahead, or I'll miss out on all the great theories... but then I'd have all these typos in my chapters, and I just couldn't live with that. Sigh. The price I pay... Anyway, Nate and Wren seem to have developed a solid working relationship and are doing Mr. Summers proud.

I was always curious about how vampires fit in to the HP universe. They are such a fringe race, compared to the centaurs and the goblins. It felt like the perfect place to play. And they don't seem to be considered "magical" either. Made me think. Also, why not throw all that information into a scene where the class is usually boring and people aren't paying attention? Yeah.

Really, they're all just there for the extra credit. Deep down, Mr. Summers knows this, which is why he made it so. Imagine the disappointment if no one showed up? Or two people showed up? It makes me wonder how the Slug Club ever got off the ground. I wonder if Slughorn offered chocolate bribes. Oh, but there was a dinner, wasn't there?

Kid Rock went country??? Oh the tragedy!

Pince is definitely off her rocker. If the punch bowl didn't clue you in, it should have been the way she smiled.

Ian's the kid I picked who's most likely to be thrown under the bus for just about anything. I don't know why I need that. I just do. I guess not everyone can be a decent person in this story. In reality, he's not horribly horrible, but he's normally repulsive. I suppose I could have made him a lot worse, but then even Charles would have stopped hanging with him, and everyone needs a friend.

I'd like to think there's hope for James. He's not bad either. Err... not as bad as Ian.

I really wanted Albus to be there for Wren, but not in that "I'm here for you!" sort of way. But I couldn't leave Wren in the middle of that party without some kind of backup either. And yeah. Rabbits doing strange disappearing acts. Like it's natural or something.

Thanks for another great review! I'm so glad you found the time to come by!


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