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8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart 

17th August 2015:
Hey Pix,

I'm here for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle! Go Team Red!

I know that I've said this previously, but Dillon is really creepy. His memories of his mother added quite a bit to that. I mean his memories of the blood everywhere and her telling him to never tell anyone because he'd be hunted. It made me think of werewolves, but I don't really think that's what this is. I think there's something else entirely going on. Oh! and then the parts where he promises her he won't take as much next time as she's dying. Take as much of what? Blood? Is he a vampire? (Again, I think not.)

I thought it was really intriguing that his mother wrote to Hogwarts about him so often. I wonder what she could possibly need to owl them about. Was it like "Help me. This child is so evil and creepy. I really need you to take him off of my hands!" That might make sense.

I was happy to see Wren feeling a bit more herself in this chapter. She finally seems to have snapped out of the trance she's been in (although I suspect that's only temporary). Maybe now her and Albus can stop skirting around each other and get on with things.

Rose seems quite competitive. Freaking out over one point. I guess she inherited her mother's personality. I cheered a bit when Wren put her in check after her ridiculous super long temper tantrum.

I have lots of questions still and I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

Good job!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response:

Kaitlin!

Yeah, there's a bit of blood involved in this thing with Dillon. He's trying to be good, but there's things getting in his way. It should be pretty clear what he is in a bit. I'll let you keep reading.

LOL! You'd think that's what any sane person would be writing to Hogwarts about when their kid turns unnaturally creepy, but no. She's a desperate mom. They do desperate things sometimes.

"...get on with things..." Kaitlin, what are you implying here? Wren is a good girl. There is nothing she needs to be 'getting on with'. *stern look*

Sorry, that's the desperate mom coming out in me.

Yes, Rose may have some issues when it comes to competition. I wonder whose fault that is. *gives Rose's parents a sideways look* Someone's gotta take her down, and it might as well be Wren, while she's still feeling okay.

I can't wait to see your reaction to the next bit!

Thanks for coming by,

Pix


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Review #2, by Roisin 

11th August 2015:
OK, so I also offered all sorts of prize reviews for WLiiA, so here's the first of 4 for Kayla's competition :)

WHY WAS DILLON'S SNACK METALLIC-TASTING?!?!?!?!?! Sorry, I'm very disturbed already.

Oh gosh are they vampires?!?!?!?!

Hm, so the paper in his mom's diary is brittle. I'm thinking maybe Dillon has been a little boy for a really long time? I mean, the Wise Old Wizard seems to be Dumbledore, I think, so maybe Dillon is actually like 50 or something but still has the brain and cognition level of a child.

So it seems like the connection with the Bunny has been interfered with somehow? Maybe it has something to do with Wren's feelings about her grandparents. Like, maybe that strong emotion sort of blocked the bunny thing. I can't say I think it'll last, though. I imagine Bunny will find a way under her skin again. But loosening the connection for now was a good choice to string on the story.

DUN DUN DUN. I knew something terrifying was going to happen with Al's rabbit!

I'm loving your characterization of Madame Pince. Like, I'm sure her appearance here is more a device than anything, but I appreciate how fleshed-out you've made her. Like, her genuine love for the books and all.

"particularly the Potters, who seemed to get exponentially worse with every generation"--BRILLIANT. I love this line to death.

I also sort of love that she can do some sort of magic just by /glaring/.

OH MY GOSH PINCE HAS BEEN BITTEN. AH! This is probably the first teen-centered novel I've read to include Madame Pince in such a big way and I am stoOoOoOoked!

And there's something really striking and unsettling about the librarian tearing apart ANY printed material to make a bunny home. Jesus. This is freaking BRILLIANT, PIX. YOU ARE A GENIUS!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

Roisin!!!

Disturbing is good. For this story. There's a lot in this chapter about Dillon, and it seems you're putting it all together without much help, so I'll just let you roll with that. This is the part where I HOPE that readers infer things without me having to jump up and down and point at the obvious. For some people, they don't like this, but what's the fun in saying, "Look, there's this kid and he's this and he's that, and there you go."


Yes, yes. String the story along. There's, like, a gazillion more chapters to go at this point. Can't have it end here. :P

Albus' rabbit is MUCH WORSE than Wren's rabbit, as you can see here.

Pince!! I haven 't seen many stories featuring her, and so I couldn't help having a little sadistic fun at her expense. Glares are magical. Terrifyingly magical. Ah, haha, SO GLAD you picked up on the sheer horror of what Pince is doing there at the end. Completely ghastly, blood-curdling and UNTHINKABLE!

I don't know about being a genius, but thanks for appreciating my weirdness!

Pix


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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 

28th July 2015:
Hi!!

I am here again with another five chapter review for you!!

Chapter 6: I will admit that this chapter had me laughing so hard that my own kids were yelling at me to quiet down!! Poor Scorpius! That rabbit is just one crazy mean fluff ball! Wren is still oblivious that something is happening to her and that the rabbit is the cause well partially. The rabbit is just the puppet while the puppeteer is making his way there. That sneaky Dillon! I like the descriptions of their dorm and that each of them personally puts their own touch on their space of the room. I really would like to see Wren take the photograph job for the Quidditch teams. I think she would be excellent at this! Rose kind of bugs me in a way how she goes about doing things without even telling the person they involve. Her heart is in the right place, but that girls mind is in overdrive. (Not in a bad way!) I felt so bad for Hannah when Augusta was with it. I know what it is like to only get bits and pieces of the true person that a condition has taken over and this broke my heart a bit! Then there is the creepy guy at the Inn that Hannah hired...weird. I have a funny feeling that there is more to what meets the eye with him. He seems to know more than he shows... I guess we shall see.

Chapter 7: I liked that the day started off well for Wren, but that evil rabbit keeps getting in the way! The recurrence of the rabbit really reminds me a lot of OotP. When Harry is always trying to do something and Umbridge constantly throws up as many roadblocks as she can. When I read about the rabbits I sort of hear that little annoying cough Umbridge would do to announce herself or that she wanted to interrupt to hear herself speak! This is curious with her not being able to perform the magic like she use too. I am curious to see what happens from here with it. Awe...poor Rose... undetermined points... and yes, she totally fancies Scorpius. ;) The new guy Mister Summers is quite interesting. I like his response when Ian and Charles give him a rough time for also being a janitor... Take that you know it all Ravenclaws! I still really enjoy the banter between the groups as well and this new guy Nate has me curious. Dillon... there he is... that bad vibe I had earlier is only getting worse towards him.

Chapter 8: Oh Albus... I love how he is determined to get even with James and how he has Scorpius there to help him. James better watch himself! I also really liked the cleverness with the shoe communicators while stinky it proved helpful. I feel really bad for Albus in this chapter because here he has the chance to talk to Wren and again she is in a trance. All the while I am sitting here reading going "Ask her! Ask her!" "Wren, put down that darn rabbit and listen!" He just comes off in this chapter as really defeated and I cannot blame him. Oh and a HUGE win for Albus by actually getting the Marauder's Map! Poor James shouldn't have a moments peace now with it in his hands!! :) I am also happy to see Wren interested in something other than Bunny and going to develop the photos.

Chapter 9: This chapter was really hard for me to read. Not because it wasn't written well or poorly explained, but because I can relate to Wren and the entire ward on a personal level. You did a great job handling a tough subject that many find difficult and unwelcoming to write. I found it especially hard with the words irreversible and condition unchanged. I did like Albus' jokes they were a hoot! Hahaha! :) I feel that Hannah and Wren really needed the moment in the kitchen together. Wren really needed to let it out and Hannah really needed to stand there and hear it. She is right Wren doesn't understand, but any 16 year old will adamantly tell you they do. I saw Wren grow as a character in this chapter a lot especially by the end. Oh and Smeed has something up his sleeve!

Chapter 10: This chapter I started reading just like the others and not giving a second thought about anything else until it popped into my head what Dillon is. Then I started back tracking in my mind and putting all the little details together. I won't post it in the review because I don't want to ruin it for anyone else, but I will say this... well played! I am happy to see Wren normally now instead of being absorbed by Bunnies trance and that Dillon cannot enter her mind. I'm watching you Dillon! Poor Rose! She just cannot catch a break with the points! I am so very happy to see Albus actually stand up and walk over to Wren... I wasn't expecting him to say what he does once they are alone. Sheesh Albus... you had the perfect chance... It will happen. ;) Oh Madam Pince... what did you do to deserve this treatment by a rabbit!? Hahahaha wow... there's the twist...

Again, overall you did an awesome job. I'm in love with your characters...well not so much Dillon, but I shouldn't be should I? I also liked how you handled the tougher situations that came up in these chapters and that they were handled in a way that could make someone like myself relate, but not upset because it was done so carefully. I really appreciate that. I did find a couple of things that were confusing... Chapter 8: The tool shed was originally behind Greenhouse Two then jumped to behind Greenhouse Three. Chapter 10: I am not 100% on if this really needs to be changed, but here is what I found: When Dillon is thinking about his Mum... "She'd sent those letters about him..." She'd send... she'd sent... it was confusing for me. Other than those two spots, I saw nothing else. I really enjoyed these five chapters and look forward to your rerequest for the next five!!

Sorry it took me longer to review these chapters. I had to deal with some family things that were thrown into the mix of life with kids. :)

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response:

Hi again!

These are really great reviews. They give me just enough detail and impression and stuff. Thank you! Don't worry about the family delay. I have those all the time.

Ah, chapter six was fun to write. I'm glad you appreciate the way I write Scorpius, and yes, Rose bugs me too. I can't have her be too sympathetic, or Wren would have more of a friend to lean on. For the purpose of story, I needed Wren to be alone, but not really alone, if you know what I mean.

In chapter seven, it is interesting that you drew a parallel between the way Bunny interrupts and the way that Umbridge is always "there". That's pretty neat, and we'll just pretend I did that on purpose. :P Rose has a hard head. She's not going to go down without a fight. I'm debating on whether this chapter was paced too quickly. If you felt any of that, please let me know. Thanks!

I loved the shoe thing in chapter eight. It was really fun to do that, and also gave Albus something else to do than pine away for Wren, something he does a lot and I was sort of getting sick over. But I hope it all balances out in the end. I'm glad you picked up on his defeated mood. He can't keep this up forever if he gets nothing for it.

Chapter nine had some heavy stuff in it. Thanks for letting me know that it wasn't too much. It just adds to everything else that Wren has to deal with, and she's already not doing so well. I'm glad you saw some character growth out of her at the end of this chapter. Still, she's got a long ways to go.

Ah, and yes, chapter ten has some not so subtle information about Dillon finally. I'm going to pretend that you put the pieces together and congratulate you for your observations. I had in my head the way that I wanted the story mechanics to work, and they ended up being really complex, because RABBIT. But I think I made it work. Let me know if things get confusing.

Thanks for catching the small slips. All these words, and I can hardly keep everything straight in my head. Seriously, every time I want to find something in my story I have to refer to my outline because I can't remember where anything is. Argh! I think I need to write shorter stories.

Thanks so much for the review! I shall re-request again soon.

Pix


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Review #4, by adluvshp 

24th January 2015:
Hey! I'm back again.

So it looks like Dillon is a vampire, or something similar and he has been feeding off his rabbits. He probably fed off his mother too. And it looks like he's been around a very long time if the wise old man he is talking about is Dumbledore.

I love how we get to know more about Dillon's past here. It is definitely some progress into the story. For the past few chapters, I felt like the plot was slightly dragging but I'm glad things are back in full swing now.

I am also curious as to why Albus' rabbit didn't connect with him the way Wren's did with hers. Maybe Albus' rabbit didn't bite him (I can't seem to remember) but Wren's did - and they form the connection with a bite? The way the rabbit did with Madam Pince. It is indeed very interesting, the way layers and layers of the mystery are unravelling slow.

So it looks like Smeed did give Wren some helpful stuff and not poison because her head is clearer now and she's back to her normal self. It also looks like her magic is slowly coming back to her. But then, how long is that going to last? Questions, questions.

I felt your characterisation of Rose was a little over the top. We get that she wants to be the top of the class but I don't think she'd be so rude over something like Albus and Scorpius getting more marks than her. It just doesn't feel like Ron and Hermione's daughter would be brought up that way. But it could just be my perception of it...

I'm pleased Albus finally talked to Rose, albeit it wasn't about his feelings, but it was something. Maybe now Rose and Albus can work on the mystery of the missing rabbit together and bond.

Another thing I found strange was Albus dismissing his pain as 'growing pains'. I don't think at his age people get growing pains - it could have been more believable if he had dismissed it as a muscle pull or something of that sort.

Finally, I think you nailed Madam Pince's characterisation. I'd definitely portray her like that if I had to. It was pretty amusing to read, until of course the rabbit showed up.

Now, I'm just worried for Wren and her friends - these rabbits and Dillon seem to be E-V-I-L and I want them as far away from Wren and her friends as possible. Lol.

All in all, great chapter and some good progress into the plot here. I hope this pace is maintained for future chapters.

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:
Yeah, there were a bunch of small points that I had to cover before the plot ran away again. I hope it didn't drag the story too much. I've decided that I don't love writing teens. Maybe my next story will be about grumpy old men. Much easier to deal with. :P

And I feel you on Rose too. Man, you should have seen her in the first draft... on second thought, it's better that you didn't. Unfortunately, there are people in the world like her, and as much as we don't like to see it, there it is. Ahh well.

Funny you brought up the growing pains thing. I have had mixed reactions to this. Some people (both females and males)think it's not likely that the growth I described was realistic, while others, both females and males who have been through it personally, say it's quite painful, both during and after the growth spurt. So, there you go. I guess it comes down to personal experience.

Ahh, Madame Pince was a hoot. Poor woman. I'm glad you agreed with her characterization. Thanks for spending another chapter with me!


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Review #5, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne 

20th April 2014:
Oh my goodness! Vampire rabbits serving their evil overlord. This is the best plot twist ever. I'm so scared for Wren and her dangerous affection for the insidious Bunny. I'd love to see more of Albus and james' prank war though, to lighten things up.

Every chapter gets me more and more anxious about poor Wren, who really has been through quite enough at this point :(

I hope her life starts to pick up soon. In the meantime, at least I have your awesome writing and worship-worthy plotting skills to look forward too. Thanks for the awesome story!

Author's Response:

Awww, you flatter me!!

I love plots. And twists. When the plots and twists come together, I love them even more. Don't worry. This story is riddled with the James/Albus prank war. There's more of that coming up every few chapters. I hope you enjoy that subplot as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)

Yes, Wren gets very anxious, and things are not easy for her. She really has been through enough, but I'm not done with her yet.

What an awesome review! Thank you so much for coming by and peeking in at my crazy story!

-Pix


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Review #6, by MargaretLane 

13th April 2014:
Have you ever read Fangirl? It's got a character who's written a fanfiction involving a giant evil rabbit. And the fandom in which she's writing is sort of Harry Potter-like.

Hmm, I wonder what that sludge drink it and if it's got some kind of significance. And how exactly it is that he's "taken too much". I'm beginning to feel he and his mother and something not entirely human - vampires or something.

And I think I'm right about him not being as young as he seems. Of course, a few years could seem a long time if he is only 10 or 11, but the way he's talking about it as so long ago makes me think he's been around decades at least.

This idea of him looking younger than he is and the whole thing about blood is making me consider he could be a vampire, but then his mention of other wizards makes me wonder.

And is that wise old wizard Dumbledore? I'm guessing it was, in which case, Dillon MUST be older than he seems, as Dumbledore is now dead about 25 years. I'm also wondering why he didn't write back if that's the case. Even if Dumbledore couldn't accept him at Hogwarts, I think he'd write back.

Hmm and now I'm wondering if it's something else he's taking from people rather than blood.

And if his mother died as a result of whatever he does, I wonder if that means Wren could die as a result of their connection too.

I'm also wondering if Wren't other problems - her worry about Augusta, her anger about how her grandparents were treated, being forced to leave her home - plays a part in the rabbits affecting her more than Albus. She needs something to comfort her more. The comment about the other rabbit not bonding with Albus makes me think that maybe it requires something from the person, that they need to "let the rabbit in" so to speak.

Yeah, it seems like Smeed is helping her. But why does he do it the way her does, without explaining what is going on or warning her properly? And how does he KNOW about her rabbit and the effect it is having on her?

I really wonder what is causing that pain Albus has. That has to be connected too, possibly a result of his having a rabbit, but I don't see how or what the idea is.

Rose is being irritating here. I can see why Albus is annoyed.

You've really got Madame Pince in character.

Hmm, so the rabbit has charmed Madame Pince too. The fact that she had the same pain as Albus confirms its related to the rabbit, but it seems to have had a greater effect on her. That makes me think that either it only works on women (interesting that this is at least the third girl or woman it's worked on, but I don't think it's ever worked on a man) or else it feeds on something negative emotions. Wren is obviously quite stressed and unhappy even before the rabbit arrives and Madam Pince doesn't seem the happiest of people either, whereas Scorpius, James and Albus seem more secure. Even though Albus is worried about Wren and their relationship and stuff, he doesn't seem to have any serious issues.

Author's Response:

Hi! You're still here!! Yay!!!

Oh, you're going to get me started on that, are you? Alrighty. Yes, I have read Fangirl, by Rainbow Rowell (she's AWESOME!), and I LOVED it. I read it back in September of 2013, which was about nine months after I started this story. I was finished with my first draft, and well into the revision (more than halfway), and then I read THIS BOOK, with Harry Potter-like fanficion with an EVIL RABBIT!!!

I just want to clarify that I wrote that scene where Scorpius kicks the rabbit in the head months and months BEFORE I read that book.

Guess I'm not the only one who thinks rabbits are ripe for horror stories. Cute, fuzzy, innocent little things... Mine do not turn to stone, and there are no boat rides through underground rivers, and my characters will not resort to using swords. Just saying...

You've got some interesting observations on Dillon here. *nods* And some very good connections... I should give you cookies!

Madame Pince was so much fun!

You are awesome for these reviews! I hope I'm keeping you entertained!


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Review #7, by TidalDragon 

30th March 2014:
So at first glance, it seems like I was right and Smeed perhaps did help Wren a little bit (or so I'm telling myself). The moment with Madame Pince also made me feel totally vindicated in my suspicion that the bite Wren sustained was critical to the connection - so far so good.

As for Dillon, I'm now very interested to know more about his family. What is the sludge? What is the deal with his family dying and being constantly on the run? And of course, why is he running an evil scheme involving subjugated rabbits?

I think you're doing a great job with the mysterious aspect of the story though. You reached that point earlier, like I mentioned, where I thought the complexity reached a sort of critical level, but now each time you address a new aspect of the existing mystery, it's kind of like digging into those Russian Dolls, a mystery is wrapped in a mystery is wrapped in a mystery, but it's exciting to work on so you can see what you'll finally find in the end. You have an impressive knack for finding the line and tip-toe-ing along it in that respect I think and it makes your story that much more compelling.

Author's Response:
You have good instincts when it comes to Smeed. Not everyone in this story is out to get Wren. She needs friends... maybe not the kind that Dillon has... anyway.

Yes! Think of the poor innocent bunnies caught up in this horrible plot! The tragedy!

I am so happy to hear that the mysterious aspects of the story are not overwhelming you at this point. I didn't want to chase readers away from over complicating things... or maybe I have... but I'm glad you're still with it, and still reading... and still reviewing!


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Review #8, by CambAngst 

10th March 2014:
Hi, pix!

Progress abounds in this latest chapter. Dillon is making progress en route to Hogwarts. Wren makes progress with her magic. Albus makes progress in talking to Wren. And Madam Pince... well, I guess that doesn't really count as progress.

Little by little, you're filling in the pieces of Dillon's mysterious past. It seems that he's been around at least since Dumbledore was headmaster of Hogwarts, which suggests that age-wise he's not what he seems. And do I get the sense that he's not just friends with his rabbits, but he's also feeding off of them? I knew that boy wasn't right! I'm more and more convinced that he's a vampire, perhaps one who's living some sort of eternal or perhaps very protracted childhood. His mother might have been a vampire herself, or perhaps she was allowing him to feed out of love and devotion. Either way, I feel like something pretty awful probably happened to his father and sister. I'm worried for Wren, as well. I'm not sure it's a good thing to be Dillon's friend.

Wren seems like she's getting back to herself in this chapter. She has a ways to go, I would guess, but it's an improvement. She no longer appears to be on the Squib Track. Now I'm excited to know more about how Smeed fits into the story. I generally liked the way you characterized Rose, although I thought that the tantrum she throws over losing out to Al and Scorpius was a little over the top. It's sort of like cherry-picking the worst of her mother's competitiveness and her father's sore losing.

So, Albus finally finds the courage to ask Wren... to help him find his rabbit. Isn't young love marvelous? My hat is off to you for having the patience to pace this story so age-appropriately. Ten chapters in, a lot of authors would have had the two of them falling all over one another by now. I am excited to see that the two of them are now working together -- maybe, I guess -- on the rabbit mystery.

Poor Madam Pince! Alright, well, I'm not that upset for her I guess. If she wasn't such a weird loner, somebody would probably notice her acting strangely and help her. As things are, this could go on for weeks.

Excellent chapter! Looking forward to what's next!

Author's Response: Haha! Progress all around! I don't know. Maybe you could count Pince's bit as "progress" in the very loosest sense of the word. Or you could call it an unfortunate run-in.

I hope the bits about Dillon are coming in fast enough. I wanted his story to be evenly distributed throughout Wren's, and sometimes it goes a little light here and there. I'm adjusting things at the moment to even that out a bit more. Dillon is a lot easier for me to write than Wren is. He's just so clean. As a character, that is.

Wren's not on the Squib Track anymore! (haha, Squib Track! Someone needs to write a fic about that!!) You're asking a lot of questions about Smeed... must be his Trenchcoat of Coolness that attracted you... or his lightning-fast reflexes... or... oh, let's face it. He's a grown up who is the least likely to whine and complain in this story and you just need a break from the kids. I thought so. ;) More about him later. Promise.

I know, I might have gone overboard with Rose (even though she got a personality rewrite from the first draft), but I can't help writing her that way in this story. She's Wren's annoying best friend. And she's probably having a bad hair day or something on top of it.

Yay, Albus!! Actually, there is some falling coming up... in the next chapter... and I just got inspired for another chapter title. Excuse me while I go write that down.

Back. Where was I? Oh yes. Albus and Wren have to find a way to reconnect after all that weirdness, and what better to use than a cute, cuddly rabbit? Okay, so there aren't really any cute, cuddly rabbits in this story, but it sounded good in my head. Anyway, they're finally moving on from the Wren-weirdness and (mostly) talking in coherent sentences again. To each other. That's progress, right?


A week... or three... poor Madame Pince! Why, oh why was that so much fun to write? What is wrong with me??

Again, thanks for the great review and the wonderful beta eyes!


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