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18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter 

24th September 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with that swap we talked about the other day. This is not a test! Hahaha. I haven't had the time to get absorbed into this story because of some big girl stuff but here I am now! :D

There are so many little things that I wanted to touch on in this chapter but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get to all of them. I am happy though that Wren showed some happiness after receiving her presents, though I wonder if she'll even remember the rolls of film so long as The Bunny is around. I could go on for days about how much that thing freaks me out but I did enjoy the fact that you left some interesting hints about what it's doing to Wren's mind. I honestly don't think that it's really a Bunny and I'm wondering if it has some kind of magic of its own because Wren suddenly being consumed by the thought of taking care of it and nearly losing herself just smells like some dangerous vapor to me. In fact, I want to exorcise that bunny but I'm not sure if I'm qualified to do that.

What I found curious though was that she not only lingered on Albus's lovely bum--er, trousers--their dynamic continues to change. I'm not sure if he's going to still pursue her or not but I sense that things aren't going to be easy for them. But James bought Albus a demon fur ball! Nope. Nope. Nope. I just have a bad feeling about this!

I'm not sure what to make of Dillon by this point either. Is he really a normal little boy? He can sense The Bunny in Wren's mind and that's just smelling like nope to me. So much nope. Hahaha. Anyway, I think that there's so much more going on here and I'm really eager to swagger onto the next chapter.

See you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Wow, time does fly when things pile up. Thanks so much for coming back to my story. I love hearing your thoughts!

It's hard for Wren to remember anything except what Bunny needs. I'm glad that was understood. It is a pretty dangerous situation to be in when someone takes over your mind the way that Bunny seems to. Hopefully, Wren will be able to figure things out.

Hehe, Wren would love to spend more time lingering on all things lovely about Albus, but there are unfortunately other things more pressing on her mind, and not all of them good. I'm also glad you picked up on the changing dynamics between the characters. I wanted to do that subtley, but not too slowly. Things change. People change. Evolution. Sometimes it's a good thing. You should have a bad feeling about that other rabbit. They are simply up to no good.

Thanks so much for the great review!

Pix


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Review #2, by Frankie05 

20th September 2015:
Hey pix,

Although not a very long chapter, a very freaky chapter. Whoosh.

Wren's friends are so nice to her and so kind and so fun and I love them. I love the connection she feels with Albus and I feel like something is about to go terribly wrong for them because of that blasted bunny.

It's like a weird magical demon bunny and I don't like it :/ why does it give her headaches. Why can't she just love her friend without the bunny interrupting what could be a beautiful relationship?! (I too have looked upon a beautiful man from behind the camera). And James bought one too from I think the same shady kid Dillon. And speaking of shady kid Dillon, KID IS SHADY AND I FEAR FOR WREN- GOD I HOPE THIS DOESNT RUIN HER LIFE SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.

but he said he could feel the bunny in wrens mind. Whoosh. Where do you come up with this stuff. You are brilliant and I need to know more. And I need to see mor eAlbus/Wren interactions. Eep!

Frankie

Author's Response:

Hi Frankie!

Yes, this wasn't very long, but it had a lot of stuff in it. I tend to cram a bunch of things together and then let it explode later.

What is this thing called pacing??

lol.

I have a crazy imagination. What more can I say? You're welcome to read the rest of the story and just give me your thoughts at the end. I just finished this puppy, and I want people to read the whole thing. :P

Thanks for the review. You're wonderful for taking time with my story!

Pix


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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell 

11th September 2015:
There's something so disturbing about things-that-should-be-innocent-and-aren't. It's like how a movie trailer gets 10x creepier when they add in some little kid's voice chanting a nursery rhyme in the background. But bunnies EEP. I'm realy not sure I'll ever be able to look at a bunny the same way again. What is going ON?!

The headaches and the voices aren't even what freaks me out the most (although it's great that I have so many creepy options that I can select a favorite--or least favorite--of sorts). The freakiest thing is how she's losing time. We see her lose two weeks and she's just rolling along, "Bunny needs me." Eek. I do not like that bunny, Pix. I DO NOT! It is a testament to your writing skill just how much you have made me distrust rabbitkind.

And awww! Albus' gift is so thoughtful! Maybe the camera can help her catch on to the evil bunny's nefarious plot! Maybe it can...I dunno...be like mirrors and vampires? Maybe it won't show up on film? That'd be great. Something needs to happen. She needs to find out that this bunny is no friend!

This is very concerning.

--Penny

Author's Response:

Would it be bad if I told you that in choosing rabbits, I was going for the "creepy innocent thing" vibe?

Awesome that it's the time that freaks you out the most. Please do not blame all of rabbit-kind. I promise that I didn't infect the entire species.

Albus is a great guy. It's going to take Wren a little while to own up to her feelings about that, because, you know... thirty-one chapters.

Thanks so much for all the reviews! I love that you took the time to read my story about crazy rabbits and paper pants and photo lenses!

Pix


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Review #4, by cherry_pop94 

18th August 2015:
Hello Pix!

I hope you don't mind that I'm going to be skipping a few chapters and doing general overview reviews every few chapters instead of for each one. I want to finish this as soon as possible as I've already dragged this on for so long!

The last two chapters have been really great. There was a really big cast of people in the last few, but you've done a good job giving them all separate personalities. I especially like Scorpius and Albus. They seem to really fit together and Albus had just the right amount of awkwardness around Wren!

The bit at the end of this chapter was great as well! I'm always curious to know more about Dillon and again, you've set him up as such a mysterious character! I'm wondering... has James got Albus a bunny from Dillon as well? Free pets seems suspicious.

I would say though, that these two chapters could benefit from more prose between the dialogue. You do dialogue really well. It all sounds very natural and flows smoothly, but it's hard for me to figure out what's going on and to set a scene in my head without some prose to balance it out as well.

Still, I really enjoyed this and I can't wait to read more! I'm pretty excited for when they all get to Hogwarts!

Stefanie

Author's Response:

Hi again!

No problem on the skipping chapters. I'm happy if you get to the end, no matter how you do it.

I think Scorpius and Albus make a good team. They seem to have each others' backs and help each other out like good friends do.

I will take your dialogue-heavy comment into consideration. I sometimes condense my prose too much, and I have to watch for general flow.

Thanks for the great review! They should be at Hogwarts shortly!

Pix


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Review #5, by DaaOne 

3rd August 2015:
Okay so I'm back for yet another review ! I promised myself to keep on reading but this is as far as I can go today ^^ I'll surely be back for another review tomorrow!

So, I love this interesting turn of events. I mean I felt there was something going on between Albus and Wren but to see them both struggling to understand their feelings for one another and to admit to it is just so accurate. It made me feel like I wanna tell them both you guys like each other just go for it. Uh I hate it when that happens.. It's so frustrating..

There was also the bunny connection to Wren. It's all very confusing. I'm sure there will be an explanation out there somewhere in your story but I can't wait to know what it is.. It's making me want to read more and that's a good thing.

I think you did a great job with all the details you described in your chapters prior to this one and it made everything very clear and I felt like I was living the moment and looking at Wren at Bunny at Albus and Rose and Scorpius.. It felt like I was there in the inn with Gran and Neville all grown up..

I just like what you did with the story and I'm so into it I could hardly see anything wrong with it, or the plot or the writing. I just love every bit of it ! It's amazing..

I will surely be back for more reviews !

Doe

Author's Response:

That's fine. You can go as far as you like, and I'll be happy when you get another chance to come back!

Albus and Wren can be very frustrating, but I'm sure you understand how difficult a situation like that can be. Bunny, unfortunately, isn't going to make things any easier for Wren. I'm glad you're curious. That means my evil plan is working...

"Living in the moment"... I love that! I also love Neville and the idea that he's all grown up with a family of his own.

Nothing?? Haha. Ok. Keep looking, just in case there's something I missed.

Thanks so much for reading this and giving me your thoughts!

Pix


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Review #6, by ScorpiusRose17 

26th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review!! I have read the first five chapters and I want to start off by saying that this is truly well written. I loved how full the story is and its twists and turns.

In Chapter 1 I felt awful for Wren for having to leave the only home she has known. I remember feeling the same way when I was younger and thought you did a great job of portraying those emotions. A couple of things I did notice in that chapter were these: When Hannah is talking to Wren about going to see Gran... "Neville and I are going to see Gran." If she is talking to Wren then wouldn't it be "Dad and I are going to see Gran" ? Also, I ran into some confusion about when Hannah was talking to Ginny just before Wren says she wants to go see Gran and that her friends will be alright the sentence says..."Well I can't say I was expecting this..." It almost seems like Hannah was trying to say that she was expecting it, but I was confused so I figured I would bring it up.

As for Chapter 2, I really liked this chapter as well. We find out more about what the Longbottoms are going through, what Wren is dealing with,and what poor Gran is dealing with. I will be entirely honest when I say that I didn't realize that Frank and Alice's funerals were what happened in the first chapter when James says "Nice funeral Mrs. L." We are introduced to Dillon in this chapter and I must say that I got a really funny feeling about this guy as soon as she started to walk across the street to him. And he just happened to be carrying a basket full of bunnies around with him...I will tell you right now I was so relieved when I found out they were bunnies because my mind totally thought it was worse than that. Wren does show a bit of naivety when it comes to this boy. The whole thing screams don't and she totally goes for it. I am not sure where this is headed, but I am biting my nails.

Chapter 3: This was the chapter of flying time. I have it out for this bunny...he is pulling some weird things here. I love all the twists you've taken the time to evolve and develop. This time warp is a bit confusing at first because it sort of throws you off guard. Like how could that happen? I also really enjoyed Nellie. She was fun and sassy. I loved her honesty! Even at Wren's expense it was nice to see that someone was watching out for Wren. I felt so awful for Albus! He just wants to be with her and she isn't catching on.

Chapter 4: I liked seeing all of the personalities of her friends and the internal struggle of Albus and his feelings. Poor guy! I also really enjoyed how Albus was determined to not allow James continue to jinx him. James... yeah he's awesome! :) I almost wish Wren would voice her feelings the tension between her and Albus is insane at how it comes through a computer screen. One spot I did notice in the ice cream shop and talking about Lily not coming you had a confusing sentence... "Even thought she got along with Wren" Did you mean 'Even though she got along with Wren...' ? Other than that I didn't see anything else confusing.

Chapter 5: James is taking a bunny home to Albus... Oh my! This Dillon guy has me on the edge of my seat with how he is acting and giving out magic mind tricking bunnies to random people...this cannot be good. I am glad that Wren got more photo stuff for her birthday too and she took advantage in checking Albus out! Hahahaha!

Overall, awesome story so far! I love how cohesive the story is the only couple of confusing things I felt were really not knowing who the funeral was for in the first chapter, but you did find out in the second one. Other than that and the sentences that were confusing were truly it. I love the characters, their banter and the way they carry on. I am worried about this Dillon guy and his bunnies and Hogwarts. The suspense is intense!

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read and review your story! Please stop by the thread and request for the next five chapters!! :)
That way I can keep track easier!

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for doing this sweeping review thing. It really helps when someone reads a few chapters before commenting, because I get a sense for how things are playing out in the story better.

Ack! I'll squash that typo straight away. Thanks for pointing that out to me!

I can see how a word tweak would smooth over Hannah's part in chapter one. That makes sense. I've gotten comments on the confusion between Gran and Frank and Alice before, but I think for now I will leave it since you seem to be clear in chapter two. If I figure out how to give a short shout out to it in chapter one, I'll go back later and add it in. Hehe, bunnies! Because bunnies aren't dangerous at all...

Ah yes, another typo, but at least that's an easy fix. I'm glad you like these characters and you have the right vibe about Dillon. I would love to stop by for another set of chapters.

Thanks again!

Pix


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Review #7, by Roisin 

17th July 2015:
Back!

Another thing I forgot to mention last chapter, but I'm really impressed by, is how much new life you give various FF conventions. Like, it makes sense that certain things come up over and over again in fics, because they are mostly rooted in the epilogue (like James' characterization). But here, a lot of these things kind of take on a lot of freshness for being set in a very different sort of story.

Quick recommendation: maybe italicize first-person thoughts for clarity? There have been a few in the last chapters.

There's something really cinematic to your writing that I appreciate. Your visuals are so specific, like in the moment with Wren looking through her camera at Scorpius. I can really see it playing out like a movie.

I feel like there's something really metaphorical about Wren as a photographer, but being so early in the story, I've yet to really unpack it all. I can't wait to see how the theme develops. (Although right now, I see it as something of her being a spectator--watching the world through something that separates her from it. Also, kind of a comment about her seeing things differently.)

Oh no, Albus has a sketchy bunny too now? Crap.

I'm so curious about Dillon and his mother. Right now, I'm assuming that they aren't human. Like, they aren't really witches or wizards, but I have no theories beyond that. WHAT IS GOING ON???

Author's Response:

Great!

I'm always a little disappointed when people don't at least try to do something new with the generally held conventions. Sure, in FF, we just come to accept things, and unlike OF, we can assume that readers are already somewhat familiar with certain things. We don't have to work that hard at convincing people about certain characters unless we change the convention, but I always want to know what does THIS author think about the characters? It's a thing. We all have a thing, I guess. And yeah, my stories do tend to walk a different path. I'm generally not the go-to person when someone's looking for a story "type". In fact, I'm still trying to figure out what "type" of writer I am.

Yes, I am aware of the first-person thoughts that run rampant without much clarity to them. I am still undecided about making a textual distinction for them. Part of me thinks I should, and then there's this rebellious part of me (the one that likes to break all the comma rules :P) that shrugs it off. I use an awful lot of italics in this fic for other purposes, and I guess I wanted to keep them separated... also for clarity. Oh, but you haven't gotten that far yet, so if you still feel it's an issue moving forward, feel free to mention it again.

Ahh, visuals! Part of the reason I wanted Wren as a photographer was to play with that sort of descriptive. I don't know if I pulled it off throughout, since I'm not a photographer myself, but it was quite fun giving it a try.

Metaphor! LOL. It happens occasionally.

I feel like I gave a lot away at the start of this fic with potential ships and such, and I needed something to unfold gently. Dillon drew the short straw on that. You'll have to let me know what you think of his overall arc later, if you get that far. He's a special boy.

Thanks SO MUCH for another WONDERFUL review!

(and now I'm shouting at you, sorry!)

Pix



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Review #8, by TreacleTart 

11th July 2015:
Hey Hey Hey!

Ugh! I wish Wren and Albus would just get it over with and tell each other how they feel already. These childish games are getting a bit silly. Besides, everyone else seems to be aware that they're into each other, so it seems pointless to keep up the charade.

I swear with every chapter this bunny gets creepier and creepier. How could it have possibly ended up on the bed? How would it have gotten it's cage door open?

And the ending! Yikes. That boy is seriously up to something. I have no solid theories on what exactly he's up to yet, but I get the feeling that it's no good. Why Wren even offered that little boy help is beyond me. You could feel the creep factor from 100 yards away.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Ahh, yes. I adjusted a little for that as well. Sometimes less is more, so I tried that in my revision. The arc is still the same, but you know, adjust, revise, adjust... repeat...

Bunny! How could it possibly get any creepier??

I wish I had made this story, like, ALL creep. That would have been really fun. But there was this character who needed more, so I gave it to her. Ah, well. Next time I'll go for extreme creep, just to get it out of my system.

Or not.

I'm still thinking about it.

Thanks for another great review! I love hearing your thoughts on my story!

Pix


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Review #9, by The Basilisk 

8th January 2015:
Back again! Woot woot! :)

Ooh, Bunny just reached a whole new level of creepy. It's so odd how he's very possessive over Wren and wants to keep her away from her friends and family. And the moment where she thinks her mother is calling her was interesting. Maybe the bunny is Dillon's mother or connected to her somehow, which is why Wren associated the voice with being a mother? I really have no clue but am having fun wondering about the mystery.

The focus on Al's pants was great, hehe. I could really picture them in my mind. The description of the camera lens was great as well and a really neat device for showing the world to the reader in the way that Wren likes to look at it.

The scene with Dillon made me think that he's some kind of immortal vampire creature and maybe has been alive for a long time. The journal seemed old fashioned, as did the notion that perhaps they wore hats at Hogwarts. I don't know why but I feel like people wearing hats is very nineteenth century. :P Also the way he called the waitress "young" hinted that perhaps he's older than he looks. Even though he's scary he does seem to care for Wren and think of her as a friend!

Another great chapter, I'm really loving this story! :D

Author's Response:

Woot Woot!

So, umm, it just occurred to me that you must be using some sort of reflective surface to communicate with me, because I haven't been turned to stone yet. Actually, I have no idea what you look like or where you came from. But hey, I don't mind a little mystery. I thrive on mystery!

Yay for a whole new level of creepy! That's Bunny's job. Go be more creepy, I told him. So he did.

Albus' pants! And Wren's camera lens! What a fantastic combination, I thought. Glad you liked that.

I think there was a discussion about the Hogwarts hats recently on the forums. Someone was wondering where they all went. They were shown in the first film, but then they disappeared after that. Made me wonder too. It's supposed to be part of the dress code in canon, but we never hear about the hats after that.

Another fantastically unexpected review! Thank you so much!


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Review #10, by Karou_Marauder 

23rd April 2014:
DIE BUNNY DIE.

Sorry, but Bunny is scary. You probably got that from my last review, so I'll stay away from that...

I love Albus and Wren. They're so cute together, and I love how they like each other but neither of them want to say anything for fear of ruining their friendship.

Hehe, Roderick the Thestral.

NO! James Sirius Potter, do NOT give your brother that rabbit. DO NOT. I am warning you...

I'm starting to think that Dillon is definitely not a Muggle, and either a wizard or some kind of rabbit demon. You never know.

Cookies! xD

-Karou

Author's Response: Haha!

That was my favorite review opening yet! Albus and Wren have a special bond alright. And I couldn't resist Roderick the Thestral!

I think James was born to cause trouble. That's why he's going to do all kinds of stuff to make us yell at him. LOL!

I like your thoughts on Dillon. Rabbit demon... hmm... wish I'd thought of that!

Yes, lots of cookies for you!! See you around!

Pix


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Review #11, by MargaretLane 

10th April 2014:
That line about how having the rabbit around had made her life come into focus is a bit creepy. It's like she's obsessed or something. I mean, obivously pets need you, but this seems rather more than that; like her life has no meaning apart from it or something.

I must say this wasn't exactly what I expected when I posted the challenge. *laughs* That's not a criticism, just a comment on the originality and unexpectedness of this story. Whatever is wrong with her doesn't exactly seem to be a normal illness, even by the standards of the wizarding world, where normal can include the effects of a curse, lycanthropy, poisonous potions and so on.

It is clear she's not feeling well though. Poor girl.

And while it SHOULD be good that the rabbit is helping her forget everything that's upsetting her, I REALLY don't think it is. I've a feeling it's sort of a way of making her dependent ont he creature. Why exactly anybody should WANT her dependent on it though, I'm not sure.

It is possible, of course, that a curse plays some part here - I wouldn't be surprised at all - but I think it's still rather more complicated than somebody just casting a jinx or something.

Ahh, if Dillon's mother's journal is so old, that kind of implies he's nowhere near as young as he appears. Of course, we can't know how late witches can have children, but still, combined with the fact he was hanging around London on his own and that he seems to be consulting her journal to find out what she'd say rather than talking to her (which implies to me she might be dead), I suspect he's a whole lot older than he appears.

I also wonder if he's really a wizard. I don't know what else he could be and he is obviously magic in some way. But the way he talks about a wizarding school implies it belongs to a world he isn't personally part of.

And his connection with the rabbits is weird. It sounds like he is using them to befriend people, but not in an ordinary friendly way, more like he's trying to mind-control people into being his friends or something.

In a way, there is something, not sympathetic - he's way too creepy - but something about him that doesn't seem entirely evil, between his talk about making all the friends he wants and his reference to losing somebody too. It's like he's gone insane from loneliness or something and wants other people to share his world, no matter how unpleasant a place it is, a bit like those horror stories about child ghosts, who try to cause the deaths of living children so they'll have somebody to play with.

I'm not sure what he is, but I wonder if he's something like that - some kind of creature that can't fully participate in our world, so wants to drag some people into his.

Author's Response:
Hello!!

I haven't chased you away with my weirdness yet? It is so good to see you sticking with the story. I love your postulations and guesses and tying things together. Clearly, she's not feeling good. But I can assure you, it's NOT pregnancy. :P

I love your guesses about Dillon and how he fits into the story with the rabbits. You have some very insightful observations here, again, which I cannot specifically comment on yet. But I adore the idea about him not being "sympathetic", but also not "entirely evil". That's exactly the feel I was going for, so I am exceedingly pleased with that description!



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Review #12, by TidalDragon 

29th March 2014:
Hmm, the return of the creepy rabbit guy. And now there's going to be a rabbit with Albus too...I wonder how that's going to play out?

I like what you've done transitioning from the last chapter to this one, where you still took up the note of feelings between Albus and Wren and carried that through to connect with what is steadily becoming a mysterious rabbit connection with an even more mysterious Dillon. It also raises the intriguing questions I was having earlier once more and I think that's a positive. The wheels are spinning again.

Though the students are still not back at Hogwarts, I think the pace is going fine too. You've done a good job developing the different aspects of the story so that there's not too much background and there's a good balance of action, dialogue, and inner thoughts (mostly of Wren, but also Albus). That said, I'm definitely hoping they arrive forthwith because I'm intrigued to see how things unfold once there.

Author's Response:
One of my worries at this point in the story was that I was dividing it too much between Dillon's influence and Wren's 'normal life'. I ultimately decided that there were some things I absolutely had to 'show' before they got to Hogwarts, or the character interactions wouldn't make sense.

I'm glad you're still okay with the pacing here. And Hogwarts is coming up soon. I can feel it...


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Review #13, by adluvshp 

21st March 2014:
Hey again! I am super glad you re-requested because the story just got creepier and I am enjoying it even more (because apparently I am creepy too as I like creepy stuff) xP

First off, I love how Wren's friends know her so well. The gifts were exactly right for her =) Albus' present was of course the best and I am totally rooting for Wrenbus to happen soon xD The way she was "staring" at him through the lens was too adorable. I enjoyed James' little quip too haha. He knows what's up for sure between the two lol.

But omg, after that I went from smiling to worried. James got a bunny for Albus! That can't be good, no no. The bunny is already affecting Wren weirdly and now Albus is going to be affected by the rabbit too and gah NO! What's up with Dillon and his rabbits, like please just shoo them away and stop giving them off to Wren & her friends!!

Okay rant over. But seriously, these rabbits... *shudder*

Oh and by the way, I love the little touches of mystery you put here and there. For instance, the time lapse sounded mysterious. And the way the bunny "takes over" Wren's mind. And Dillon's intentions of course. And the headaches omg. This is all so creepy and weird and gah I love it.

All in all, awesome chapter! I loved it and I am eager to read more so I'll be back soon! Adding the story to my favourites xD

As for CC, again I have none to offer you (yes I am easy to please)!! Great going! Feel more than free to re-request!

Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response:

Hey again!

I was just about to re-request, but then I remembered I hadn't responded to your awesome review! Sorry about jumping the gun like that! I am so happy you like the creepy stuff, because I am in love with the concept of Bunny and there's more to come!

For all that James is, he's definitely figured out that there's a "thing" between Wren and Albus. Except he's too "James" to be helpful about it. *shrug*

Rabbits! They're everywhere. Seriously. It makes it more fun that way, yeah?

Thanks again for another fun review! I know you'll tell me if things get "too" crazy, or too confusing. Sometimes I feel like the plot has gotten a bit too thick in the middle. haha!

-Pix


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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57 

10th March 2014:
Hello!! It's good to be reviewing this story again! :D

This chapter is oddly shorter than the other ones, but I'm not complaining because there was A LOT in it!!

Aw, Wren's friends are so awesome. I think that they gave her the perfect birthday present(s). Of course, nothing could top Albus' present, which shows exactly how much he cares about her. I think that's really cute, and now I'm shipping Wrenbus harder than ever. :)

This was, without a doubt, my most favorite line:

"Bunny needed her. Bunny needed her right now. Right now, there was a little bunny that needed her more than anything. With Bunny around, Wren's whole world had suddenly come into focus."

Arrghh!! That's sooo creepy! Wren goes from being a semi-normal teenage girl (because really, how normal can you be when you're a witch?!) to being a zombie. WHAT is up with that rabbit?!?!?! The fact that she didn't name it anything besides "Bunny" makes everything worse. It's such a general name, and for me, it's basically synonymous with "Fear." I'm sure that the bunny-induced nightmares will start any day now!!

...Moving on.

Uh oh, Wren's checking out Albus' new pants!! Danger alert! :) And James can definitely tell that she wasn't just looking because she was trying out her new camera lens. :D Still, the lapse of time between Wren going upstairs and then coming back down is disturbing. I feel like this story is in vertigo--i.e., time is mysterious and I can't tell which part of the day is which! However, this is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it is incredibly interesting and confusing. As in previous chapters, I am being pulled down the rabbit-hole (so to speak) with Wren as she gets caught in the trance of the white rabbit.

...Oh no... I just thought of something crazy! Wren is the granddaughter of Alice Longbottom. There are lots of white rabbits in this story, but there's one particular rabbit that Wren is fixated upon. He seems to make her lose all sense of purpose/time/identity. What if... This is just an oddly twisted retelling of Alice in Wonderland?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Geez, were all of those "?!"s really necessary? Yes, yes they were.)

I'm probably wrong, but this connection gives me some more things to think about. Are there any more ways that I can tie this story back to Alice in Wonderland? Well, there's a birthday party, and the Mad Hatter and March Hare celebrate UNbirthdays... No, that's pushing it. I'll stop. :)

But I really enjoy this connection, whether accidental or otherwise!!

Brilliant chapter!! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey!

I used to be concerned with chapter length, but in this story, I've discovered that when things are over, they're over, and when things aren't over... well, then I need more words. This was one of those chapters where I just didn't have anything else to say. So yeah, it's shorter. I'm not into putting extra words into things for no reason, so I decided to stop here. I'm glad you felt it had a lot in it. It did, kind of. :)

Wren's friends ARE awesome! I want friends like that! But I'm afraid the Wrenbus is still having some mechanical difficulties. Back to the shop! I hope it's under warranty...

Uh oh! I hope you don't need rabbit reconditioning after this story! That would be tragic! Maybe if you go and watch "Bambi" for a little while, it will make things better. On the other hand, if you do get any creepy rabbit nightmares, we could, you know, co-author something sometime? I wouldn't want all that angst to go to waste... for the sake of art...

Anyway.

Ah haha! The pants! Wren's not as stealthy as she thinks she is.

Wow! That's a very creative guess. I think it would be absolutely insane to write an oddly twisted Alice in Wonderland! With nightmare rabbits. PM me, and we can talk. ;)

Thanks so much for the great review! I hope you keep reading my crazy story and find out more about the rabbits, just as long as it doesn't scar you for life. Because then I'd feel really bad.

-Pix



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Review #15, by ScarletEye158 

28th February 2014:
Oh man, I am SO confused! Just when I thought I had an idea about what was going on, little Dillon pops up again with his rabbits and confuses the heck out of me! :p

Gahh, I wanna know what that little boy's got under his sleeves and how he plans on getting to Hogwarts! You've got a really good plot here and I'm just so curious about what's going to happen :)

I'm also really curious on how the rabbit seems to be gaining more control on Wren. I'm glad she was able to break out of the "spell" though and go to Albus. At least she still has some self-control!

And what about the bunny that James is gonna give to Al? Is Al going start becoming like Wren? This is just getting more and more intense as it continues!

I'm really excited to keep reading and I'm happy I'm getting closer to catching up! :D

Nice job(:

-Amanda

Author's Response:

Uh oh. Confusion. Well, Dillon is a bit confusing, isn't he? I can tell you that rabbits are too big to carry under ones sleeves, even baby ones. That's why he needs the basket. *nods*

Wren does shake whatever it is off for a little while. And yeah, we should be worried about Albus here too.

Thanks so much for another review! I'm so glad you're coming back to this story!


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Review #16, by maraudertimes 

11th February 2014:
Hi!
Mind if I rant for a little bit?

THE BUNNIES ARE EVIL! DILLON IS EVIL! THE BUNNY IS CONTROLLING WREN'S MIND AND IT'S EVIL AND JAMES GOT ALBUS A BUNNY AND NOW ALBUS'S BUNNY IS GOING TO CONTROL HIS MIND OR MAYBE EVEN JAMES'S AND THEN JAMES WON'T GIVE THE BUNNY TO ALBUS, HE'LL KEEP IT FOR HIMSELF. OH MY GOODNESS. EVIL!

Yeah, I think I'm done.

Okay, so Wren's presents were really sweet, and her friends really understand how important her camera is to her, which isn't surprising, but it is super sweet! And Albus's present was just to die for! It's so cute how well he'll listen to Wren and he'd do anything for her, oh why can't they just confess their feelings for each other, be still my heart!

James was a delight, and his quip about telling Albus that Wren likes his pants was hilarious. Although I'm not too fond of James because of his constant hexing of Albus, I do appreciate his humor.

I'm super excited to read on, and I'm going to do that right now, because the bunnies. are. EVIL!!! Grr, they're just so evil, and so is Dillon, and here I am, ranting again.

Anyways, this was a great chapter and it was nice to see Wren's interaction with her mother and then with her friends. Amazing job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Yeah, you can go ahead and rant. LOL!

James can be funny too, even though he's not on the best of terms with his brother right now. I'm so glad you're enjoying my crazy story! Thanks for coming back to it!!


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Review #17, by GingeredTea 

4th February 2014:
I loved this chapter. I can kinda feel your hesitancy to enter into angst, yet this story felt like it was leaning that way in places, so that's my only line of 'I think that could use some improvement".

The boy, once more, is creepy...and the rabbit? Is it evil? Is it sucking her power? Is seems the kinda of rabbit Tom Riddle would really like to hang from the rafters... okay but seriously, what's it doing? This boy seems to have a twisted sense of 'friendship'. And now Albus has one, right? Ugh...you're making me nervous.

The flow and characterization was good in this chapter, and I liked your transitions and descriptions. :)

Hoping we'll learn more about this boy and the rabbits...

Author's Response:

Well, hello again!

Yes, yes, yes. We will get more Dillon and rabbit action again. I think I have him evenly spaced out over the whole story, but if you ever feel like there's not enough about him, just let me know. I always like to hear where I can ramp up the interest level.

Thanks for the compliments on the transitions and descriptions... and flow and characterization, and all that nice stuff you said! By the way, I left you a pm regarding the "angst" thing... *grabs tissues* I'm allergic to angst, but for the story's sake, I will do whatever is necessary to make it the best story it can be.

Thanks for coming back and leaving a happy review!


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Review #18, by CambAngst 

3rd February 2014:
Hi, pix! I am doubling up on the pix story action today. Can't get enough...

You're still doing fantastic with these poor, confused, awkward teenagers. The continuity you've shown so far and the way you've kept them from slipping out of character is really commendable. I have such a hard time writing teenagers in that I have a tendency to morph them into mini-adults at the worst possible moments in the story. For Wren and Albus, their thought processes and emotional responses and the way they try to rationalize the actions of others have yet to stray across the line. Bravo!

All that said, poor Wren has been forced to step into a more adult role in her family and it seems like she's handling it really well. She has a very strong sense of duty to her parents and her grandmother, and she's plainly sacrificed a lot of herself to avoid letting them down. Although she doesn't seem like the type to readily give in to selfish anger, I wonder whether there might not be some small, lingering feelings of bitterness that she's not dealing with. And since her loyalties would probably override any attempts to direct that bitterness at her parents or grandmother, I wonder whether they might surface at some inopportune moment to complicate her relationships with her friends. Sorry, there I go psychoanalyzing your characters. I need to stop that.

There's that bunny being all creepy and manipulative again! I'm obviously not going to speculate because you've already told me what's up with the bunnies. I'll just say that you're doing a good job of maintaining the sense of mystery. I could see how I'd think that the bunny was jinxed or telepathic or perhaps its fur gives off some sort of aerosolized anti-depressant or some such. No matter, it's pretty obvious that the bunny has a significant psychological effect on Wren.

That's a pretty slick telephoto lens that Albus bought her. I loved the rather obsessive way that Wren's eye worked in the scene where Scorpius and Albus depart. From the intensely zoomed in to the macro, she's definitely a photographer.

I think the small mention of Wren's anxieties about Albus's sudden, awkward departure helped to keep her character in the right level of emotional maturity for her age. And that scene also seemed about right for Albus, as well. Somebody's going to practically have to glue their hands together and throw them in a room to get the two of them to come clean with one another! Ooh, you're making them such believable teenagers that it's frustrating!

Gah, this rabbit! Hmmnn... sucking on one of her fingers. I wonder how many readers will pick up on that hint?

Creepy Dillon is still creepy. I'm quite curious now about this journal of his mother's, especially the pages being "brittle with age" and there being so many places that his mother has written about and diagrammed. It's very suggestive of the possibility that Dillon is not as young as he seems. Odd, it seems to me, that we've only seen him at night so far...

I'm really, really enjoying your story! You're spinning a very engaging, mysterious tale and doing it in a way that's very true to the characters you're writing. It's a tricky balance to maintain and I'm excited to see how things develop.

Author's Response:

I was going to let this review sit and age for a nice long while in my Unanswered Reviews, but I couldn't help it. You flattered me so much that I had to respond RIGHT NOW!! (and there's nothing on tv at the moment, so it's a win-win.)

The teen character thing is the biggest challenge of writing this story. For some people, it comes as naturally as breathing, for others (like me), not so much. I'm so glad you think they're staying within their age-range, maturity-wise. That's not to say that teens aren't intelligent. There's this very special kind of way that people this age tend to prioritize and justify their thoughts and actions. And it all makes perfect sense to them.

Oh, just go ahead and psychoanalyze the characters all you want. :p Just don't let them know you're doing it, or they'll be very upset with you for long periods of time and probably slam doors and refuse to come down for dinner. Or they might run off and join the Army when they come of age. Who knows what they're capable of??

Notice that I didn't say anything about dropping out of school or going off to Las Vegas for an impromptu wedding... that's because MY characters are smart AND intelligent. *nods*

Ok. You've got me. I confess that I completely changed my rabbit subplot since the time we talked. See, the Norwegians stole these rabbits about thirty years ago, and infused their life-essence with an aerosol-like substance that they can release from their fur, which also happens to have anti-depressant qualities. They then released these animals to the backyards of teens all over the world to help alleviate age-induced anxiety disorders... and there goes my credibility as a narrator. Just don't listen to me right now. I'm not making any kind of sense.

Wren loves that lens so much! I'm glad that little bit came through well. She definitely views the world through her camera. It was so fun to play around with that description.

Thanks for the suggestions! Wren and Albus definitely are not ready to talk to each other yet. And fortunatley, I have many chapters in which they can think about not doing that... or maybe that's a bad thing. *checks outline* Hmm...

It's a baby rabbit. Not saying anymore. ;) And Dillon, well, he's creepy. But he needs friends. Like, in the worst way. Would you like to be his friend? If you're a really, really good friend, he might give you a rabbit too.

Thanks so much for this great review and for enjoying the story so far and for being a great beta!


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