Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by John George 

6th February 2017:
I can't stop reading. This is great!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading! You just made my day!

 Report Review

Review #2, by Akussa 

8th November 2015:
Hi!

Alright I'm slowly working on this story, reading a couple chapters at a time and review as a whole. I have not read the next chapter so I might be wrong but I feel like we just closed a story arc.

The characters are really, really interesting. Wren is interesting, mysterious, real, painful. Clearly something else is going on with her but the melting pot of her gran's illness and clear descend, being a teenager / moving toward adulthood is having an effect on her. I like how she seems to lose her grasp on reality at times, losing the sense of time and her ability to socially interact.
Clearly that can't be her normal ways (a least not that intense) if she has so many close friends. I'm really curious about her.

Albus is really quite sensible. He really cares about her and makes her needs go before his so that is very selfless.

Now my question : is Wren going to be allowed to bring her bunny to Hogwarts?

Alright, there are more pressing questions like who was the boy? What's his story? How does he fit in all this?

So far, I like the flow, the rythm is interesting. No matter how Wren seems to have difficulty keeping her line of thought, you make this enjoyable and easy to follow. I'm really interested in finding out more about this story. I'll read more and review more my dear!

Akussa

Author's Response:

Hi!

I'm so glad you stopped in and read a handful of chapters! I am still meaning to get to your story, and I promise that I will very soon. NaNo was a great experience for me, but I ended up having to drop a lot of other stuff to make it work.

Ah, but that's done now.

Well, of course Wren gets to bring Bunny to Hogwarts! Otherwise, I wouldn't have 31 chapters to this story... and that would be sad. Unfortunately, I can't answer your other questions. I hope they make you want to keep reading though. Then you can tell me if you had any guesses and whether they were close.

Thanks so much for the review!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #3, by Gabriella Hunter 

13th September 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review! I'm stopping by a little late but real life has been pretty difficult and I haven't had the time to really dedicate to reviewing.

It totally sucks.

On to this! I'm glad that Albus was able to notice Wren's odd behavior. I'm really curious to know what's going on with her and what is going to happen with her friendships. There are so many little clues here but I'm not sure if I'm piecing them all together correctly, I do think that getting red of The Bunny would solve most of her issues. I think it's evil or at least a part of something bigger but anyway, I was glad to get into Albus's head about the situation. I think that getting Albus's thoughts on Wren, help to understand her character more, you get a good sense of how she was versus how she is now. The others picked up on her odd behavior but didn't really dwell on it but I think that Albus may be too keen not to figure it out for himself. Oh, just as a quick thing: I really love the friendships and contrasting personalities that you've built up for the group. They're actually all very likeable kids and I was really grateful that you didn't exactly beat me over the head with the fact that their parents were famous or anything like that. I guess I'm trying to say that they felt like real, ordinary kids and I am really grateful for that. It weirdly enough, helps me to see just how much Wren is standing out at the moment.

I felt kind of bad for Albus though, he seems like such a sweet guy. I like that he is so unsure of himself when it comes to Wren and doesn't realize how he appears to her, that scene in Madame Malkin's made me want to wave fairy dust over them. "LOVE EACH OTHER!" I screamed, but there was so much weirdness and misunderstanding in that moment. Wren seems attracted to Albus but also wary of the feeling and I wonder if it's something that is coming from her heart or something that's come from being around that bunny for so long. Perhaps I'm looking into things a bit too much? I tend to do that.

Anyway, Albus seems like a nice guy but there's a cautiousness about him that I thought was a bit odd until I learned about James pranking the poor thing all summer. I'm not sure if that whole thing was meant to be just a light hearted joke or if James is actually just being a prat. It's kind of sad that Albus has to walk around with repelling charms but maybe that's just something that bugged me. Prank him back, Albus! >:(

So, the end of this chapter didn't really end well with Albus. He didn't get to tell Wren how he felt and he's kind of left hanging on what to do next. I wonder if anything will be resolved in the next chapter? Hm.

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response:

Hi Gabbie. Welcome back!

I'm so glad you felt like you got to know Wren through Albus' point of view. That was what I was trying to do with the scene, show who she was versus who she is now with Bunny. That was a big challenge of this story. I struggled to show this, and I wasn't sure if people would get it or not.

Yeah, there is a bunch of weirdness going on, which makes it hard for Albus to say what he wants to say. His brother's not helping either. But hey, it's early in the story, so give him some time. :)

Thanks for the review!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #4, by Penelope Inkwell 

11th September 2015:
So, I'm already loving Wren/Albus. They just have such a sweet vibe. I'm rooting for it.

And Albus, rocking paper pants. Now that is a rare skill, indeed. I really enjoyed that image.

You know, I'm glad that Albus didn't give up right away, but I'm also glad he knew Wren well enough to realize it wasn't a good time. Retreat and regroup. Good on you, Albus.

I really enjoyed Albus' voice and his POV. I could just really see the two of them meshing well. Their different voices just strike me as particularly...harmonic? But we shall see.

You know, James seems like more than a bit of a jerk. Of course it's not his fault that Albus gets compared to him, but constantly hexing someone that can't use a wand? That's like attacking someone who doesn't have a weapon. It's really poor form.

At least Albus seems to be developing some talent for anti-charms. That's a really cool idea!

CC:

nannering endlessly so that no one around her could think straight.
--So, it might be a word and I might just not be familiar with it, but I've never heard of 'nannering' and I was wondering if it was meant to be 'nattering'?

Scorpius wavered between picking lint off his leather jacket and stealing glances at Albus' cousin.
--this is a *really* minor thing but I thought I'd mention it, because I did wonder. It doesn't seem like lint would stick to leather? It doesn't seem like it would. Unless it's one of those bomber-jackets with the stretchy fabric at the cuffs and waist, I guess. I mean, this literally may be the nitpickiest thing I've ever pointed out. But it's late at night and my brain is weird and the thought struck me, and you do seem like a bit of a perfectionist, judging by how insanely clean all your writing is and how you have practically no grammatical mistakes. So I figured, okay, I'll just go ahead. So yeah. Lint.


Enjoying this so far! Like I said, your writing is super clean, and it's got this very unique tone to it that intrigues me. Congrats on your nominations!

--Penny

Author's Response:

Hi!

I love Albus/Wren too. There's something about sweet people that makes me not want bad things to happen to them, but then where would the story go without "things"??

Haha! Albus could rock just about any pants if you ask Wren. :P

James is a jerk in this chapter. Sorry, but that's how it is. But don't worry. Albus is clever and resourceful. He can hold his own.

"nannering" - it's a thing. So is "nattering". I think it's colloquial, and perhaps not British, so.. oops.

Haha, that's funny about the lint thing. Leave it to me to not know a thing about leather jackets. Let's pretend that the bomber jacket thing is what I meant and we'll roll with it. lol!

Thanks again for another lovely review!

Pix



 Report Review

Review #5, by Frankie05 

1st September 2015:
Hey pix,

I'm sorry I haven't been around in a while. I really should be better. I like that this chapter is from Albus's point of view. It is refreshing but heart breaking at the same time. What is going on with Wren? Does she really think that she is going a bit crazy?

And I knew Albus liked her. I think that's so precious but I can understand his hesitancy since Wren is acting all weird.

Wren is nice to go with Albus to the trying on of clothes. She likes him I bet. But they are so teenagery that they beat around the bush and are insecure about it and really they just love each other and probably don't want to lose their friend. I can't believe it :)

Scorpius is not as subtle as he thinks he is- we all know he is into Rose. But he is a good friend for pushing Albus towards what he really wants.

And James is kind of a jerk. All of his pranks being played on Albus. Albus is actually really smart for keeping anti charms in his pockets. I bet Wren noticed his flinching around James. But they are both keeping secrets. It's so sad that that is how their friendship is. And she laughed at Albus. Poor guy's ego is shattered :(

Author's Response:

Frankie!

So nice of you to do this impromptu review! come by anytime you can. I don't mind the wait.

Yes, Wren does really think she's going crazy. It's the only logical explanation in her mind for what's happening. It keeps Albus an arm's length away from her right now, which is good for the plot, but frustrating on all other fronts. Also, it's tough to be young and not know how to move forward.

Scorpius is not as 'anything' as he thinks he is. That's probably why I enjoyed him so much in this story. He's all kinds of cocky, but he does a great job of supporting Albus.

Yeah, there's that frustration again.

Thanks so much for coming by! I hope you get to drop in again soon, or at least find time to read to the end. I just marked this story 'complete' last night!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #6, by Roisin 

16th July 2015:
SURPRISE!

I've been meaning to make good on our review pairing from ages ago, BECAUSE I FOLLOW THROUGH DAMMIT, and here I finally am! In a way, it's a good thing that I have been the worst and taken so long. I saw that you'd recently edited, and when I read before, the second and third chapters were switched (and I'd had a little break between the first and next chapter so I didn't catch it right away). I've gone back and started reading from the beginning, and I'm SO glad I did! I remember it being great, but it's just about PERFECT now. I wish I could go back and re-review those first chapters, but instead, I'll focus on the here-and-now.

I'm really enjoying the alternating POVs. There's something fresh about it, because I feel like a lot of stories are sort of coy about their ships. Here, we get to see from both Albus and Wren's perspective.

Also, I love your Scorpius. He's so sort of glib, and different from how I've seen him before, but I'm SOLD. I'm only a few paragraphs into this chapter, but so far I'm assuming he's gay--if only because: 'air hug.' I like how you managed to keep certain Malfoyish characteristics (aristocratic hand), but transmute them into something totally different, and totally camp. CAMP SCORPIUS. I love it.

The way you wrote Wren's perspective in the last chapter was so affecting. Like, I had a lot of feels and genuinely worried about her. I'm guessing there's something supernatural going on, but it makes sense that it would read more as nonmagic depression--and depression would be a logical response to everything she's gone through.

Also, as for shipping: I feel like a lot of stories read like "COME ON, KISS HER/HIM YOU FOOL, THEY OBV LIKE YOU." So it's cool here that their liking eachother is CONFIRMED, yet Albus' hesitations (that she's going through a lot, that there could be awkwardness if he tried), are actually totes reasonable and even admirable. I don't think he's stupid for not going for it, because his reasoning is sound and believable.

I also like the way you shed light on the 'beezies be crazy' and 'I'm not mad' tropes from both angles. You show how both people feel, and how it's more a breakdown of communication than a specific party totally at fault.

Oh gosh--the reason why Wren's mindset is so affecting, I think, is how chaotic it is from inside her head, yet she still comes off as basically normal to other people. There's something scary about that.

God, the ending to this scene was so chilling. Well done.

I like how Albus is super likable and sympathetic, and a bit of a delicate-flower-sweetheart in his way, but still realistically a bit of a lad, and even a bit of a (I don't want to say) playboy (?). Like, the way he talks about former girlfriends isn't all that praiseworthy, but it's nice to see a dynamic character who isn't all good or all bad.

This story is so fantastic, and I'm so glad to be getting back to it!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

AHH!!!

Is it my birthday? What a lovely surprise!

Yeah, that following through bit can be tough. I think I lapsed for two months once on a review exchange and I felt really bad about it, but as long as you came by, that's what really matters. No worries.

I am so pleased that you went back and re-read the first few chapters. They feel so much better to me. The first chapter revisions were massive, but even in the little tweaks from chapter two and three, I think the story came together a lot tighter. I have almost accepted the fact that in longer stories I just can't get chapter one right until I'm done. But man, the process is frustrating.

Nope,nope, no coyness with ships here. Though I wondered how difficult it would be to maintain the tension without including a bunch of silliness, since it's clear who likes who already. Hence the massive revision. It's crazy, but I finally GOT Wren when I was writing Chapter 27, or something ridiculous like that, and then I just had to go back and fix things and adjust and GAH! But that's over with for now. I'm DONE. Mostly. Aww, heck. I can pretend, can't I? It's interesting that it took me so long too, because I knew what the ultimate crisis was going to be for her, but I didn't really KNOW until she was IN crisis, and that's where I truly met her.

Yes on all of that with the depression. That's definitely what it looks like, and I needed something that would keep her friends from seeing the actual and just carrying on for a bit, because if they all figured stuff out too soon... no story. I might have stretched that a bit too far, but hey, it was a learning experience.

I'm so happy you like Scorpius. He was by far the easiest character to write. I was trying to put my finger on why, and I think it's because of all the characters in this story, he's the only one who has already made his decision about who he is. I'm not saying you're right or wrong about him, but he's very secure in his skin, whereas Wren and Albus are still getting comfortable. Haha, funny that in a way that makes him more mature... except he acts the complete opposite of mature most of the time. I love that about him.

I'm also really glad you like Albus and that his traits were easy to read. He is a sweet one, but he's also a boy (a real boy, not the wooden puppet kind) and he won't turn down a piece of candy if someone makes an offer. Wow. From that, you'd think this was a lot deeper than it actually is. LOL!

Thanks so much for coming back!

BROWNIES!!!


Pix


 Report Review

Review #7, by TreacleTart 

11th July 2015:
Hey Pix!

So I'm a bit ambivalent about this chapter.

I did like seeing the interactions between Wren and Albus. The group dynamic with everyone was also pretty nice. I think that for the most part the interactions all seemed normal and the dialogue was good.

Wren's relationship with her bunny is quite strange and I feel like there's some dark magic at work here. It's hard to think of a fluffy white bunny as evil, but it certainly seems to be.

The only bit of critique that I have to offer is that in comparison to the previous chapters, this one feels a bit off to me. I can't quite put my finger on why. I think it just seems jumpy and maybe a bit chaotic. Maybe spending a bit more time on each event would help?

Anyway, I still love this story and am looking forward to the next chapter. I know the creepy little boy disappeared, but I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of him.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Yeah, me too. This one came out more focused in the revision. I hope you get a chance to re-read it and tell me if it flows better.

There were several things that happened when I was writing this the last time. I knew what I wanted, but the execution wasn't secure. Fortunately, I finally had someone read it who could explain to me what was going on and how to fix it.

I hope I did. It was an issue that I couldn't spot until I did, and then that lightbulb came on. Ding!

Thanks for reading more!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #8, by MadiMalfoy 

30th March 2015:
Hello hello! It's been a good 2 and a half months since you requested this review, and severely apologize!

Anywho, I decided to read a few chapters to really get into the plot a little bit more as per your request, and boy did it get interesting! The point of view change between Wren & Albus really helps to thicken the plot somewhat and explains how both of them are nervous for tow different things but they can't tell the other (or won't tell) about it, which is killing the other. I am very curious to see where you go with Wren's bunny--I have an inkling you've pulled stuff in from the first chapter with the bunny and that it will be a subplot/plot device later on. Also I am excited to see how you work with Albus's crush on Wren and his increasing awkwardness as he grows taller, and also Wren's understanding of the feelings she might possibly be developing for Albus too.

I am very very interested to see what Albus manages to do with getting back at James for all the pranks this summer! Eep, I'll definitely be back to read more of this when I have more time! Please feel free to re-request again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello to you!

I'm so glad you came over to read, and thanks so much for reading ahead a few chapters. It's really the only way I can get people to comment on plot arcs. Not that I mind the chapter-by-chapter reviews, but I hardly ever get crit on overall arcs, so thanks.

Ah, the rabbit is very integral to the plot. He's in there, all the way. I'm not sure if I handled Albus' prolonged awkwardness enough, but I definitely followed through with the pranking issue. In fact, it's about to wrap up in a chapter or two, which I'm excited about.

Thanks so much for the read-through. I'll definitely rerequest again!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #9, by The Basilisk 

8th January 2015:
Hi again! :)

The tension between Albus and Wren is interesting, especially because they both don't seem to want to explain what exactly the tension is about. I liked the background on how Wren has to put up with Al's relationships in the past. It was also funny how the shopgirls were fangirling over Albus, hehe. Must be tough to be a Potter. :P

I feel like Wren's slight fear of her grandparents is very rational. She might love them because she's supposed to, but I imagine that especially as a kid the visits would be hard to handle and process. It also fits with why she would be so worried about the idea that she might be going crazy if she has a family history and associates her grandparents and their fates with losing her mind.

I don't blame Al and Wren for taking so long to get together even though they both like one another. The tension between not wanting to ruin a good friendship but also wishing they could be more than friends is very believable.

Poor Albus, it seems like he really is upset with James constantly pranking him and taking things too far. It's interesting to see this tension between the brothers and seems like James is a bit of a bully, even if he doesn't necessarily realize it because it's to his own brother.

Another great chapter! :)

Author's Response:

Hi! Might I say that you are the greatest Basilisk I have ever had the pleasure of meeting?

Yes, I can imagine that Harry's children had to endure some kind of public scrutiny, even if he chose to shelter his family from that sort of thing. It would make him a target for... something.

I got the feeling that Wren would be obligated to feel a certain way about family members that she'd never met, with whom she never had a real relationship, and clearly everyone else around her had. When I started putting this story together, it made sense for her to have this sort of background, given the parents she has and their situations. If Augusta were still around, she'd still be visiting, so it makes sense that Wren would have that experience.

I'm glad you feel the tension between Albus and Wren. I hope I didn't go too overboard with it. I'm not very good at writing the touchy feely stuff. It's a challenge to get right, and to fit it into the story in the way that I want to tell it. It's nice to hear that right now, it seems believable.

I'd be upset with James too, if he was always pranking me. Some people don't handle certain freedoms as gracefully as others. Bad James!

I love you, Basilisk! If I had a chocolate shower, I would give it to you.


 Report Review

Review #10, by marauderfan 

16th December 2014:
Review tag! Aah, it's been ages since I read this story and I can't tell you how excited I am to come back to it. :D

Ahaha, so James is finally able to do magic outside of school now. Exactly how I imagine he'd use that privilege! XD

Poor Albus, I do really feel for him. It would be so much easier for him to talk to Wren if only there wasn't something weird going on with her. WHAT IS THAT RABBIT DOING TO HER.

I love the tentative, awkward relationship between Albus and Wren though, how they're used to being friends and they both have these new feelings they don't know what to do with. It's cute, and feels realistic for that sort of situation. And I love that a hug from Albus makes Wren's day so much better :)

The friendship between Scorpius and Albus is so great too, especially how Scorpius keeps prodding Albus to ask Wren out. What else are best friends for, other than to tease you with the best intentions? :D I love his characterisation though, how he's a bit of a snob sometimes (unsurprising considering who he is) but still has a good heart and is friends with all these Weasleys and Potters and Longbottoms. I wonder how his dad feels about that :p

It was nice to see Wren engaging in some amount of normal behaviour at the end there but, like Albus, I am equally nervous about Wren's strange behaviour regarding the demon rabbit. I wish Wren wouldn't keep it such a secret. Then again, if she told someone, I doubt they'd really take it that seriously.

Superb chapter and I can't wait to find out what is up with the mystery rodent. :D

Author's Response: Hi!!

James is evil with his magic rights. Someone should take that away from him just because he's being such a berk.

It would be much easier to talk to someone when they don't have an obsession with large, fluffy rodents all the time. Poor Albus indeed!

I guess Wren and Albus will have to struggle through with their new, erm... thing for a while before they get around to... whatever it is they need to get around to. Ahh, the awkward.

Writing Scorpius and Albus is so fun and entertaining for me. I really love them together like that. He Is a bit of a snob a lot of the time, and I think he doesn't really care what his dad thinks as long as his dad never finds out exactly what he gets up to away from home. Maybe Draco is so relieved that his son isn't around to have those awkward talks that he doesn't care so much either. LOL!

Yay! Wren can be normal! I hope you can come back to the story soon. Look at all the shiny new chapters!!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! You made me smile!


 Report Review

Review #11, by MargaretLane 

10th April 2014:
There is something really odd going on here. Even though I'm assuming the rabbit is in some way connected with Wren's weird symptoms, I can't ignore the fact that things seem to have begun before that. That strange light in the first chapter has to be relevant and Augusta having circled those symptoms probably happened before that too. I'm also wondering if Augusta's own breakdown and possibly even those of Alice and Frank are relevant. It seems like a lot of the Longbottoms are having some form of breakdown and if Augusta had been experiencing those symptoms before she got seriously ill, it would explain why she'd circled them. But that would mean it'd be unlikely the rabbit is causing things. *ponders*

Poor Wren. Between her grandmother's breakdown, leaving the home she knew and now all this, she IS having a rough time. And it must be scary, wondering if she is going to "turn into Gran".

Aw, poor Albus, blaming himself for Rose and Scorpius's animosity.

Author's Response:
Yes, there was this strange thing about the timing of everything. It sort of confuses the issues involved, and I sort of did that on purpose... *cough* Since I'm a fan of the "not so obvious", it worked in my head. *hides from rotten fruit*

Besides the rabbit thing, Wren does have real issues. I didn't want her to go through the whole story without having to deal with actual problems... firstly, because it adds depth to the character, and secondly, I'm bored when there's not enough going on.

Thanks for continuing to read and postulate!


 Report Review

Review #12, by TidalDragon 

29th March 2014:
Not a lot for me to say here. I think this chapter was a pleasant change of pace from the building mystery, focusing in on some friendships, sibling rivalries and of course Albus and Wren's feelings for one another. We'll see how the other relationships play out, but I do I think you did a delightful job capturing both sides of the teenage nervousness between Albus and Wren. Often I think writers of the relationships between Next-Gen characters fall into one of three traps: (1) projecting a heavy maturity onto the characters that probably is more appropriate for those from darker times (Marauders & Hogwarts Era students), (2) making the students way TOO immature, or (3) walking their way into cliches. It was awesome that you didn't do any of that with your first serious address of Albus/Wren, so keep that up!

Author's Response:
I seriously had all of those things in mind when I wrote Albus/Wren in this story. The hardest part is to keep them age appropriate, definitely. And there's such a broad range of experiences that people this age could have... so it was a tough balance between the ages, the character experiences, and how quickly the characters grew.

Argh. Teens. So complicated!


 Report Review

Review #13, by nott theodore 

24th March 2014:
Hi again! I'm back with the second prize review!

I loved the way that you switched between Wren and Albus's perspectives in this chapter and managed to manage them both so seamlessly, yet still managing to maintain their individual personalities coming through in the narrative. I think it gave us a much wider perspective on the story as well, and what's going on in it, with seeing the history and development from two different points of view.

So now that we know both Albus and Wren like each other, but both of them are too afraid to tell each other about it. It's a bit frustrating, but at the same time I think it's good that they're not admitting their feelings to each other at this point, because there are other things (creepy things. Creepy rabbit things) going on that they need to sort out first, and once those are sorted out they'll find it easier to start a relationship. And I can definitely understand how scared they are to confess their feelings, because they don't want to jeopardise their friendship at this point.

I really enjoyed getting to see the two different sides of their relationship and friendship so far. The part about Al's girlfriends and then Ian Sloan shed some real light on the way they relate to each other. It feels kind of typical that despite having girlfriends of his own, Albus would only start to realise that he had feelings for Wren when someone was interested in her. Typical :P

What Wren thought about her grandparents really creeped me out - that description was so scary. She seems to have a bit of a thing about zombie-ness (I don't think that's a word, but I can't think of any other way to describe it!) and I get the idea this is going to occur again in the story... I can understand why she would feel that way though, she wouldn't feel as close to them as Neville and she's very removed from the people they used to be. For her, Gran seems to have supplanted that position and that's one of the reasons it's so hard for her.

It's great to see Wren having a good time on her birthday and that her friends try to make sure she enjoys the celebration. It's nice to see she's got a good support network around her, and people that care about her - I have a feeling that she'll need it in the future.

Aw, poor Albus. Of course he would botch his first attempt at asking her out! But he's right, there's a lot of weird around right now.

I felt sorry for Albus, too, after hearing how mean James has been to him all summer, just because he's allowed to do magic. And Albus is the Slytherin :P It reminds me a bit of the Weasley twins but to a more severe extent, and I'm looking forward to seeing what Albus and Scorpius have planned for revenge.

I've actually decided that once I've caught up with this story, I'm going to have to re-read the chapters so far - I have a feeling that there are lots of little details missing I'm going to need to remember. And if I don't come back soon then just poke me or something. Sometimes I forget things, but I want to keep up with this story!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi again! It is so lovely to get two reviews from you so close together! I feel like it's my birthday! *checks calendar* Nope. Not even close. But it sure put a smile on my face.

It's weird, but I totally didn't plan on having Wren and Albus' perspectives mirror each other so closely. I'm very pleased that they turned out that way. They really do know each other very well, and I think that the way the chapter unfolds, it shows it like it is. And I like wide perspectives. :)

Yes, the creepy things will be interfering with Albus and Wren's ability to say things to each other. I'm glad that this chapter allowed you to accept how they feel, while also giving you the reasons behind their reluctance. It's so easy for people on the outside to tell them to "just say it". We all know that in reality, sometimes it's just not that simple.

Wren has a thing for zombies, or rather, she's scared to death of them. It's very real for her, and having grown up with two zombie-like family members, you can see how that came about. Creepy, but very real for her. Good thing she's got great friends!

We have to at least give Albus points for trying, right? Maybe he'll do better next time. Poor guy! He doesn't get a break at home either. Definitely, he and Scorpius are going to do their best to make the odds more in their favor once they get back to Hogwarts.

Thanks so much for these reviews! I hope you continue to follow this crazy story!

-Pix


 Report Review

Review #14, by ScarletEye158 

27th February 2014:
hey there!

this was a good chapter :) I really liked how you kept switching between Wren and Albus' POVs because you got to see a lot of the same situations but in a different way.

I can't believe they both like each other but neither of them will tell the other! I always HATE that situation (it's what kept me and my boyfriend from dating before we actually told each other)so I hope one of them admits it soon! lol

I'm really excited to see what plans Al and Scorpius have under their sleeves for James! He definitely has it coming and I bet they're gonna be pretty awesome :p

I'm still really curious to find out about all of Wren's anxiety... what could possibly be causing it?? I hope she starts to feel better and is able to return to her old self again. Poor Albus thinks its something that he's done and feels like he can't fix it :(

nice job! I'm excited to keep reading :)

-Amanda

Author's Response:

Yes,this chapter did lend itself to the "two sides of the same coin" thingy. And yeah, that whole "both of them like each other but they aren't saying anything" can get pretty frustrating. I'm sure you know this from experience.

Al and Scorpius aren't going to let James off too easily after the summer that Albus had. I don't know if they'll succeed or not, but they're going to at least try to even the playing field once they get to Hogwarts.

I know, poor Albus! It's not his fault, but he doesn't know that, and Wren doesn't know what's going on with her either. It's a tough situation.

Thanks for another wonderful review!


 Report Review

Review #15, by adluvshp 

17th February 2014:
Hey! Here again for your requested review from the forums =)

It took me a while to get here, so apologies, but RL has been keeping me very busy! Nonetheless, Rabbit Heart has been at the back of my mind! It's kinda weird but whenever I see your name crop up anywhere (TGS or the forums) I instantly think of Rabbit Heart, haha. I'd probably think of this the next time I see rabbits too (and would probably stay a good mile away from them). Haha xP Anyway, enough chit-chat!

So, this was another well-written chapter. I liked how this was somewhat a break from the rabbity creepiness of the previous chapter - though I surely do enjoy the rabbity creepiness haha. I am really rooting for Albus and Wren here though it kinda sucks that both of them like each other and yet won't say it for fear of the other's reaction. Really, I wish they get together soon xP

I liked how you explored more of Albus' characterisation here. I wonder whats up with him and James. It kinda sucks that James is always hexing Albus and stuff, I mean, I get that they're brothers and these kinda things are common, but perhaps this is just a bit too much, and Albus and James' are on very bad terms here. I hope to see this progress through the story too =)

As for Wren, poor thing, she's worried that she's going as gaga as her great-gran. I liked how she was a little relieved when nothing happened when she hugged Albus but I felt like telling her, "it's too soon to say anything sweetie. Besides, it's not you or your gran, it's that rabbit!" I also liked how Albus was able to take Wren's mind off the craziness that had happened earlier but I have a feeling that just as she gets over it and starts to forget about it, something creepy will happen again - and to be honest I love those dark and creepy moments and will be awaiting them eagerly! (Does that make me evil)?

All in all, I think this was a very good chapter and I am excited to see where the plot is headed now, and how Albus and Wren deal with their feelings, and how Wren deals with the whole rabbit situation, and what's going to happen next.

The continuity was smooth and the pace of the story is going fine - not too fast and not too slow and I like it. This chapter held my interest throughout, perhaps not as strongly as the previous one, but that's probably because I'm more biased towards darker chapters xP

Oh and I also have to mention that I loved the bit about Wren thinking about her grandparents as "zombies" - the way she imagined them, it gave me creeps. I think I can understand why she feels that way, because to her they're just two almost-lifeless people and she doesn't really have a personal connection with them. It's interesting how her relationship and thoughts of them differs from that of her father's.

Also, another interesting point that I want to say I liked in this chapter was the way you showed both Albus' and Wren's side of story and how both of them have their share of troubles - though Wren's is definitely more sinister than Albus' - and how they haven't confided in each other yet despite the fact that they want to and like each other too. It's very interesting and a great way to throw light on them as individuals, and that'd be useful when we see how their relationship progresses.

All in all, a nice chapter with good description, well written characterisation, smooth flow, balanced pacing, and over all a good read. Once again, I don't really have any CC for you.

Feel free to re-request!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi!

No CC?? I guess I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks! You will let me know if you have some, right? I know you will.

The fun part about this chapter was showing both perspectives. Albus and Wren just aren't on the same page at the moment with anything. They're not necessarily avoiding each other, but they aren't being completely honest with each other either. Sometimes it's scary to say what you mean.

Wren does have a thing about zombies. More on that later. I'm happy that you're looking forward to the creepy moments. There should be some coming up in a bit. And no, that doesn't make you evil. I might want to hire you to babysit Dillon. Want a job?

James and Albus definitely have a few things to work out, and yes, I'll be dealing with that as the story goes along.

Thanks for the detailed and thorough review!


 Report Review

Review #16, by UnluckyStar57 

13th February 2014:
Hello again! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to come back to this story, but never fear! I haven't forgotten you, and now I'm here to give you another review on your creepy story. :)

Okay, so it's kind of weird, but Rabbit Heart has stayed stuck in my mind for a really long time. In fact, I was derping around on a social media site the other day and I found a .gif of rabbits hopping all around. So I reblogged it, thinking of this story, hahaha. Does that make me weird?

This review might be a little different, since I'm sneakily using one of the school computers. Sh! I have to pretend like I'm writing a paper because I'm afraid that they'll kick me out! But this is the only time that I could steal away to review you, so here we go! :)

Wow, James is sort of a jerk. Why does he find it funny to jinx Albus? I mean, just because he can use magic outside of school now... Are the brothers on good terms, or do they have the sort of sibling rivalry where one is the antagonist (James) and the other always has to be one step ahead (Albus)? Major props to Al, though, for being resourceful enough to use charms to resist the curses. I've never really heard of a spell being ineffective when up against amulets and things, at least, not in the Potterverse, but it makes sense for the minor jinxes and hexes and et cetera.

Uh oh, so the Wrenbus is experiencing some technical difficulties. They both obviously like each other, but then Wren is acting weird and Al thinks that it's his fault... What a mess. I like that you've added more details about their friendship here, that Wren is the one who talks Al through difficult situations and that Al is the one who makes Wren laugh. It helps me envision the pair a lot more clearly.

"Albus looked like a statue on the dais, reminding Wren suddenly of the stillness in the Hospital Ward, her grandparents in their beds, unmoving, unblinking. Wren had confided in Albus once about her irrational fear that they'd rise up out of their beds like zombies. It had creeped her out so much that she had to tell someone."~I love this paragraph. It's so creep-tastic, just like the rest of the story. The connection to Wren's grandparents is great. It seems apparent that while Neville saw his mom and dad, people that he would never truly get to know, Wren saw living corpses, nightmares in the flesh. There's quite a gap between the perspectives of father and daughter, and that's to be expected. I remember visiting my great-grandma before she died... My dad saw the woman who went fishing with him and told the best jokes, but all I saw was a fragile, gasping thing. Sad, but true. I totally know Wren's feels about the zombification thing.

Aw, such flutters! Much confusion! Very tall Al! So Wren's crush! Hahaha, just kidding. I love how Wren's thoughts about Al are juxtaposed with her confusion about her strange visions and all of the creepy stuff that's been happening to her. AND you still manage to move the action along! How do you do that?! You're amazing at it-putting in a character's thoughts and feelings without having to bring the action to an abrupt halt.

Haha, blue ice cream. That sounds frightening! I'm enjoying seeing both Al and Wren's perspectives in this chapter. Earlier, Wren mentioned something about Al having girlfriends, and now Al is elaborating on that, including some details that weren't there before. It's like they're mind twins (except not, because they're actually Wrenbus)! And then Al "tests the waters"... Yep, it seems that the Wrenbus is going to have to stop for repairs.

Ahah! More on Al and James' relationship! James is definitely a scheming little deviant, but Al and Scorpius are going to lay down the law! It does seem that they have a predator-prey relationship right now, but once Al is able to use magic, James had better watch out!

Pacing is brilliant for this story. I love reading it because there are so many nuanced little things. I can't just skim it and be done; I have to watch for all of the mysterious tidbits of information that you throw in. :D

Ooh, you have TWO more chapters out! I can't wait to read on, though it probably won't happen for a while. School keeps me busy, unfortunately (but education is good, so I can't complain TOO much).

'Til next time!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Yay! You're back!!

That's so cool that Rabbit Heart got stuck in your head! Though, I do hope it's not giving you strange nightmares about rabbits. Because that wouldn't be cool. I'd feel like I'd have to apologize or something like that.

At this point, Albus isn't on good terms with his brother, and you can see why. Their relationship does develop through the story, so it won't stay like this forever. But yeah, James is a bit of a jerk at the moment. Stupid big brothers!

"A fragile, gasping thing." Yes. That. And the creep factor that Wren experiences, since she can't visualize her grandparents as anything but motionless bodies. It's amazing that you were able to relate to that so closely.

Aww, thanks! I try to keep things moving along, but these characters have to sometimes take a time out and "brood", or "question", or "re-hash" the daylights out of things. Wrenbus hasn't even gotten started, and already it's being towed in for repairs. Sorry about that!

That's right, James! You better watch out. Al's coming to get you! And his roommate too!

Yes, education is a GOOD thing. Come back when you can. Wren and I will be here, waiting for you.

Thanks so much for a wonderfully complimentary and entertaining review!!


 Report Review

Review #17, by maraudertimes 

10th February 2014:
Hiya! Gryffie tag!

Grr! They like each other but both of them think the other doesn't and thus they will not confess their secretly mutual feelings? Be still my heart!

Although I do see where they're both coming from - they don't want to confess their feelings just in case they'll be rejected and their friendship slowly starts to disintegrate and their best friend pulls away until the friendship is completely over. But I don't like it. *pouts*

I guess Wren is pretty frazzled at that point, but hopefully the ice cream will cheer her up. Ice cream is always awesome on your birthday. I loved how James asked Rose if Hermione had made a law concerning birthday girls getting ice cream first, and then how Rose nonchalantly said she'd owl her. It seems very Weasley-esque.

But why in the world is James being so horrible to Albus? I understand that older brothers will do that, but Al seems like quite a victim. I know I certainly would go postal if that was happening to me. Although Al's response to the problem is to die for, and I think it really lends to his personality - he's really smart to have thought of those non-hex armbands.

Great job, this chapter was both heartbreaking and awesome!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey, it's you again! And me. Again. :)

I know, it's frustrating, isn't it? I agree with you that Wren's too frazzled to get herself together about anything right now. And I see you picked up on some of the other characters, like Rose and James. We don't have a clear picture of them in canon, but we have hints, and I like to use canon facts as much as I can. Even if it's largely speculation on my part. Hehe.

James is pretty horrible right now. Things will calm down more at Hogwarts, but let's just say that Albus' summer wasn't very relaxing.

Thanks so much for another review!


 Report Review

Review #18, by academica 

31st January 2014:
Gah, looks like I'm not going to completely catch up by the end of the month. Oh, well, this has been fun nonetheless!

It was nice to get a glimpse of things from Albus's point of view in this chapter. Poor chap is so confused by Wren, and I can see how it's been awkward for them to even think about transitioning from friends to something more. I really liked getting a closer peek at his characterization; the little anecdote about Kreacher loading him up with anti-jinxes and all of his little trinkets. I wonder if his honorary aunt Luna had anything to do with that behavior?

I really liked the little moment between Albus and Wren in the robe shop. It was like Albus was a lighthouse for Wren when she was stuck out on a tumultuous ocean. It was nice how he kind of brought her back to center and relieved some of her anxiety about experiencing the same symptoms her great-grandmother had. At the same time, I get the sense that maybe things were resolved a little "too" easily and maybe Wren will experience more of these problems down the line. At least for now she has her attraction to Albus to distract her, right?

I like Albus's last comment--there certainly is a lot of weird in the air! He's getting to be almost as paranoid and as much of an over-thinker as Wren, which is sort of amusing. I kind of just want to stick them in a room together and have them just come out with it, but I know things are never that easy when it comes to teenage romance. The stakes are just too high when the person you love is also your best friend. Hopefully they can resolve it someday.

Nice work on this chapter and the story overall!

-Amanda

Author's Response:
Hey there! You made it for one more this month! Yay!

Yes, Albus is quite overwhelmed with the mere idea of talking to Wren. Though, to his credit, he does give it a shot, and it doesn't turn out as planned. Poor guy!

It's interesting that you picked out the parallels between Albus and Wren, given their paranoia. They both have it, definitely, spurned by different things going on around them. I tried to give Albus his own set of issues apart from Wren, so he wouldn't seem so fixated. I didn't want him to come across as some creepy stalker or anything. ;)

Yes, at least for now, Wren is distracted from her problems. It gives her poor mind a break for a while.

Thanks so much for coming back!

Pix


 Report Review

Review #19, by CambAngst 

24th January 2014:
Hi, pix!

Now your baby is four chapters old! It should be starting to roll over and maybe even crawl on its belly a little. I hope you're taking lots of pictures! :p

My big picture commentary on this chapter is that I thought you did a simply amazing job capturing the debilitating uncertainty that teenagers feel about their relationships with one another. Albus and Wren are both trapped in this fog of self-doubt and anxiety. They both want their friendship to feel "normal", but they also both seem to want to turn it into something more. How on earth to manage these competing objectives? "Poorly" seems to be the answer, at least at this stage of the game. But that's perfectly realistic for kids their age. They both over-analyze and worry and stumble awkwardly through every moment of their encounter. If this was a high school dance, they'd be starting at one another from opposite walls, waiting for the ordeal to be over so that they could sit together "normally" and make fun of everybody else for acting so weird. It's fantastic characterization and I'm suspicious that you have some inside insight here.

Poor Albus is struggling so hard to make sense of what he's seeing, and I'm sure that his own desires and nerves are making it even harder. "And she'd run out of film. What was wrong with her?" I loved the way you plucked out that one little detail and had him just obsess over it. When our brains are feeling overwhelmed, I think we tend to try to reduce the laundry list of anxieties to something more manageable, often by picking relatively small matters and making them a much bigger deal than they really are. It's a way of taking mountains of anxiety and dread and compacting it into a space that the brain feels is containable. Unfortunately, however, that little package is under so much pressure that sometimes it explodes...

I thought the way that you introduced James and his pranking in this chapter was paced very well and it came across nice and smooth. Nothing too ridiculous, but you made it obvious that he's flaunting his new ability to do magic outside of school to the point of abusing it. I love the idea of Albus and Scorpius -- the only two Slytherins in the group -- planning his comeuppance. A very Slytherin trait, and you also introduced their house affiliation in a very clever, understated way.

Kreacher! I love when stories don't forget about old Kreacher!

Aha! So Wren feels a little pang of something -- jealousy? -- when the seamstress is eyeballing Albus. I like where things are headed, although I'm sure the process of getting there won't be quick or painless. I'm actually betting on slow and painful, complicated by sizeable doses of rabbit-induced psychosis.

Aww! I loved the simple little hug. Even though it blows Albus's mind. Man, being a teenager is hard...

Rose and Scorpius seem to already be on a path toward... something. Love, I guess? But a very complicated, contentious, three-steps-forward-and-two-steps-back kind of love that probably involves lots of yelling and tears. Brilliant! "Albus wondered why the two of them bothered spending their free time in the same room together. He figured that it was probably somehow his fault." Yeah, something like that.

... he'd done nothing about it, other pull Gina (Gillian? Geranium? He'd lost track) off his arm and stew in his room. -- One of my favorite one-liners of the chapter. I couldn't neglect to mention that.

Another great albeit small thing is the way that Albus seems to take the complete wrong message away from Wren's break-up with this Sloan kid. She isn't all broken up because she never felt anything for him in the first place. Albus was all prepared to be "sensitive Albus" and give her a shoulder to cry on and he's almost disappointed that she's fine afterward.

So much teenage fear and doubt and confusion and hand-wringing and over-thinking... Man, you couldn't pay me enough to be that age again. But you wrote it fantastically well! I think your closing line was the perfect ending: "Between Wren's strange behavior and James' pranks, there was too much weird in the air." Yep, more weird than you can shake a stick at.

Great job!

Author's Response:

Okay. I am finally getting around to responding to this review. It was just so sparkly and I wanted to just sit here and stare... moving on.

Wren is definitely taking pictures of the new baby all along the way. She even ran out of film!! Don't worry. I'll get her more... oh yeah. That was taken care of. Regardless... pictures: check.

Debilitating: that's kind of how I feel every time I sit down to write about these characters. But you know what? I think I've mentioned this to you before, but once I got to the point where I could accept that it was okay for them to act like complete morons about each other, it became slightly easier.

Oh, I really hope Albus doesn't explode. That would kind of ruin the plot and then I'd have to pick another male lead and I'm not really up for that right now. *takes antacid* Don't give me any trouble, Albus, or I'll have to put you in a corner without your wand!

Yeah, slow and painful. I'm feeling it. Scorpius is my go-to for comedic relief, if you haven't already picked up on that. He makes me feel so much better about things, and his scenes are a breeze to write. I love him for that fact alone. We're still working on Rose.

I fixed that typo, by the way. Thanks! ;)

Albus' interpretation of Wren's actions: yep, he's trying, the poor guy! I'm glad you thought it all came out well. In spite of all my griping about these characters, there's something deeply satisfying about writing this story. I've decided not to question it anymore. My inner teen is having too much fun finding things to complain about. I think I'm going to let her get it out of her system. Maybe we'll both be better for it in the end.

Thanks so much for the incredible review!


 Report Review

Review #20, by GingeredTea 

21st January 2014:
This was a marvelous chapter!

I really liked how you showed it from both of their perspectives. You really showed how each of them think and react so differently yet so much the same and I can imagine them being good together, after this chapter. I felt like I really met Albus this time around and now I'm fond of him and rooting for him - come on Albus, Wren will never ask first!!!

This was my favorite quote: "Wren felt a warm sensation crawl up her spine when the seamstress left the dias for more pins and Albus turned to with his wide, friendly smile. If she could take a picture of how she felt inside when he did that.. what would it look like? She let the fluttery sensations dance around her insides for a short while before she squashed them out and curled up tighter in her chair."

I really appreciate that you didn't make it gushy or have the ending of this chapter be one of them successfully asking the other out. You made it very realistic.

Love! Can't wait for the next installment. I'm going to check your other stories out too. :)

Author's Response:
Aww, you think they'd be good together? :)

Too much character gushing gives me a head rush from all the sugar. I'm also not to good with angst... sometimes I wonder what business I have writing this story in the first place. Silly muse!

Thanks for the awesome review!

Pix


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review