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9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by likeness_of_a_seabird 

12th January 2015:
Hufflepuff Hot Seat Review, round two!

I love how this chapter started with a letter, just like the previous one. It gives a nice sense of continuity, even though the letters seem to be disconnected and the dates are so far apart from each other. Iím really interested about who this Master Thimble is. Is he merely interested in the history of the Hallows? Is he trying to find the Hallows? Iím leaning towards this option myself. If he is trying to find the Hallows, will he cross paths with Gellert? Will he return Bathildaís books in time? So many questions!

I also love your portrayal of Gellert. This line especially caught my attention: ďTime is only precious when it is malleable, when it can be warped and fashioned to his will. All things that are beyond him are useless.Ē It seems to capture the very essence of Gellertís arrogance. I also liked how he is obsessed with wands, the Elder wand particularly.

Arianaís POV is simply delightful to read. I particularly enjoyed the flashback and the three women that constantly accompany her and how annoyed she is with them. The way she draws signs on the floor was really interesting. Does she have some kind of gift of seeing the future, or is it something different? Did she always possess that ability or did she gain it after she was attacked by the Muggle boys? I suppose weíll find out the answers eventually. :)

Another great chapter!

- Emmi

Author's Response: Hi again, Emmi! Thank you for coming back to this story! I really do appreciate it, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your detailed and thoughtful review.

Yep, every chapter in this story will start with a letter of some sort. It's because I can't seem to stick to a nice linear storyline; I like to have parts of the story operate beyond the space of the present; I like exploring how various aspects of time can be manipulated within a story and how it can affect the structure of narrative.

More will be revealed about Master Thimble later ;) And you're not the first reviewer to ask if he will return Bathilda's books! This made me giggle a bit. But a very valid question, certainly!

I'm so glad you like the way I write Gellert. He's a character I've enjoyed exploring greatly; we know so little about him from the books, which is kind of surprising, seeing as he's a dark lord and all, and that he had such close ties to Dumbledore.

Ariana's condition is always a bit of a mystery. She certainly sees those women; they're real to her. I explore the concept of myth a bit in this fic. And yeah, you /may/ find out the answers eventually if you read on. :P But then again, I /may/ leave some things unanswered.

Thank you, my dear! ♥

-teh


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Review #2, by Aphoride 

29th October 2014:
Hey, Nicole! :) I was so, so glad to get an
excuse to come back to this story, with the
exchange pairings this month - I read this over
and over again, you know, but I always find it
so hard to work out what to say other than
'WRITE MORE' :P

Firstly, though, I have to say massive
congratulations on your Dobby wins, and
especially the one for this story - they were
all so well deserved! :)

I love Ariana in this - I love the way you
portray as somehow both less and more than her
brothers, like she knows less about the 'real'
world, but she knows more in ways, too, and
there's this lovely, dark connotations
underneath all of that, with her - like her
knowledge is sinister, she shouldn't have it.
Like it's forbidden. I'm so curious and worried
about what's going to happen with Ariana!

Albus and Aberforth are great, too - though,
tbh, your characters are always amazing, so
that's no surprise! I love the interactions
between the three of them, the way it's so
clear that they're siblings and they start off
close, if not super-close, it almost makes
knowing how it ends all that much sadder, you
know? It's very cruel of you! ;)

I loved the glimpses of Gellert, being expelled
and then leaving, getting an illegal portkey
and then coming to Godric's Hollow. I love how
you manage to convey that he's this sinister,
dark kind of boy, with this violent tendency
and fascination with power and dark arts
without actually really saying it - you use
description so well with that, it's so subtle
but it's there and it comes across so well.
Also, I loved Gellert giving the flowers to
Bethilda - so smooth :P He's so determined to
do things, and so decisive too, but I liked the
way you explored parts of his character by
saying that it was abnormal for him to do those
things - like submitting to the Headmaster, and
not stealing the wand from Bartolomew (who, by
the way, was a fabulously interesting
character. I hope he turns up again!). It's
such an unusual way to describe someone, and it
was so great! :)

The use of the Crone, Mother and Maiden (Glass
Girl) was also so amazing - I love mythology
and copious references to it all, so I love how
you're using it here, even if I don't yet
understand how they're going to come into play
- but that's for later, yes? ;) Explanations
can wait, because it doesn't need to make
sense, and yet somehow they fit in so well with
this, and Ariana's state of mind.

All of the fire images and things were so
lovely - I like that she's literally volatile,
flammable in a way, and it's so terrifying to
think of. It's also a really interesting
version of what happened to her. And the little
mentions of Percival in Azkaban were
heartbreaking! Just imagining him there on his
own, carving the box for Ariana, in the dark...
:(

Your writing, as you know (or should do!), is
so gorgeous - this really is a perfect example
of why you won Best Description Dobby, though
honestly imo you could probably have won it for
any of your stories!

You should update this soon! Totally! :) I know
the phrase is absence makes the heart grow
fonder, but I'm not sure the latter is possible
where this story is concerned :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Laura! ♥

Gah, thank you so much for this amazing review! I'm so sorry it has taken me ages to respond to...just asldkjlkj THANK YOU! ♥ I completely did not expect the Dobby for this story but it's honestly made me so happy. Thank you, lovely!

Ariana is fun to write. She's quite different from any character I've written before, and I love reading your interpretation of her! You're right; there are things that she sometimes messes around with, which she shouldn't. Nobody seems to understand her, so she does go along these sinister paths...I'm SO glad you like the interactions between the three Dumbledore siblings. Complicated sibling relationships are what I love reading and writing about!

Have to confess: Gellert is such an interesting character to write. He does indeed have violent tendencies, as revealed in DH, and I'm trying to slowly explore this side of him, while not forgetting that he's also a sixteen year old who thinks he's invincible self-important and everything.

To be honest, I won't be explaining some of the things / events that appear in the story, especially this whole Mother/Maiden/Crone thing. They will definitely come into play, but there'll also always be a bit of an unsolved mystery with them.

aslkjalsf Laura you're far too lovely ♥ THANK YOU FOR THIS REVIEW. I should indeed update this soon, but I need to edit. Everything is in shambles after NaNo. Thanks again!

-teh


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Review #3, by Pixileanin 

27th February 2014:
First let me start by saying that I love the chapter titles you have so far! They are so emotive! But don't let that put any pressure on you for future chapter titles or anything. I know how it can be a challenge... how many chapters do you have planned for this story? Do you know yet?

"One of the things I adore about history is the complete unreliability of it, the irrelevance of any measure of objectivity."

Me too. Though, I don't adore it. I tend to not take it as seriously, but for the same reason. Hehe!

Now you've got me insanely curious about this Master Thimble person. Who is he, what does he really want, and are Mrs. Bagshot's books going to be returned in any semblance of dignity that they were loaned with??? Oh, the books! I am so worried!

Oh, Gellert! What a monster! He has no heart at all, that boy!

I loved the way that the wand snapped inside his head, "a fracture of his thoughts". That was lovely, and incredibly powerful. Though I'm inclined to think that Gellert's mind has already been snapped in two... or at least the part where his conscience should be is severely damaged.

"Oak is stolid and lutreless and stupid..."

I loved that line too. Of all the horrible things that Gellert seems capable of, you've given him some fantastic lines.

He treats his exit from that school like he's being let out of prison of sorts. It makes me wonder how he came to be there, and if anyone had put him there against his will... or maybe it's just because, as he said, he had outgrown the school and this was an excuse for him to leave early. Either way, Gellert's attitude has alarm bells ringing in my head. I feel like I should be calling several Ministries and warning them about his unauthorized use of a Portkey.

Ariana's story is frightfully tragic. I loved the spin you put on the reason why she is damaged, why her magic is damaged now. The three people in her room seem to be connected to that event somehow. It makes me want to guess theories about them, and I wonder if they are connected to the box or the contents of the box, or if that's just Ariana's imagination at work. so intriguing!

Her episodes seem so tied in to the fire incident. It's great how you used that, and your description of things seems to dance around the light and the hot, and things like that. It all blends together and makes the narrative a delight to read... even though we're dealing with the dark things. I find myself pulled into it. So well done there!

So... um... you got a next chapter hiding around here somewhere?

Author's Response: I do have part of a third chapter sitting in my computer! There's about 2K written for it, and I'm hoping to have it completed by the end of next week. ^.^ THANK YOU, PIX ♥ ♥

You like the chapter titles? Thanks! I had no idea they could be considered emotive; I actually enjoy coming up with chapter titles, maybe because I don't have many WIPs I'm working on, so it's not often I get the chance to come up with titles of things! And by the way, I have ten chapters planned for this, and I think that's all it will take to finish the story - or maybe eleven chapters if there are plot holes that need filling :P

Ooh, I think you're the first reviewer who has actually exhibited interest in Master Thimble! You're on the right track, my dear. Will the books be returned in excellent condition? Will Bathilda's books EVER be the same again!!?

I enjoy writing Gellert. Like seriously, really, completely; I never knew it was so exhilarating to write a Dark wizard/future Dark Wizard. I'm glad you like Gellert's lines! I do select his lines quite carefully; I mean he has to come off as fairly intelligent, and somewhat condescending and arrogant. He doesn't like anything restricting him, which explains why he's actually pleased to be expelled from Durmstrang.

As for Ariana, with her sections, the lines between reality and imagination are always going to be a little hazy. I hope I'll be able to pull this off!

Thank you once again for your absolutely wonderful reviews, Pix! ♥ I'm so glad we were paired up for this month's TGS exchange! I do hope you'll stick around for the rest of the story.

-teh


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Review #4, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

11th February 2014:
Another amazing and intriguing chapter, dear! This chapter really gives a lot of insight into Gellert and Ariana's characters. First, there's the scene with those horrid boys, and Ariana burning in her own magic... that certainly makes her condition more understandable and heartbreaking. And then the description of the women that only she can see - I honestly got goosebumps reading that bit! Your description made it so easy for me to picture them, slowly sliding out of the walls. And I certainly found it interesting that they appeared when she was burned and haven't gone away since. I'm really curious as to who these women are. Are they simply a figment of Ariana's fractured mind, or are they something more? Perhaps some sort of ancient equivalent to the Peverell brothers, or a personification of Ariana's magic, speaking to her? (I know you may not be able to answer these questions without giving away the plot - I'm just sort of thinking out loud here). :)

Although her episodes are absolutely horrible, I really loved your description and explanation of them; the light setting her off, and her whole body seeming to be consumed by that flame she was shoved into. And the Rune-reading... wow! I'm really curious as to whether or not the Rune is predicting Gellert's arrival.

Speaking of Gellert, I'm really curious about what's going to happen now that he's in Godric's Hollow. But, I suppose only time will tell!

Outstanding chapter, and I eagerly await the next! 10/10!

-Jayde

Author's Response: You're incredibly perceptive, my dear Jayde! So many of your guesses are on target; the rune-reading was in fact sort of predicting and alluding to Gellert's arrival - it's one of the little things I added to Ariana's character. I really do want to write my own version of Ariana Dumbledore, which isn't going to be all sweet and vacant and helpless. I see her as someone who may be both delusional but at the same time very lucid, who fights fiercely against her condition, who is talented in her own way. She /is/ a Dumbledore after all.

The three women were originally meant to be the Peverell brothers! Gah, your guesses are amazingly accurate. But I couldn't quite fit the Peverell brothers in without the story sounding too forced, so I changed it a bit, and now...muahaha! I have my own weird version of events here.

TIME WILL TELL INDEED.

Thank you so so much, lovely! ♥ ♥

teeh


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Review #5, by marauderfan 

2nd February 2014:
Ok, I know you don't want to respond to more reviews now, but who doesn't like a review? :D besides, I've been meaning to read this ever since you posted the second chapter.

I love the way you started off this chapter with a letter too. The voice you've given Bathilda is fantastic. It sounds properly like an old lady kind of rambling on about her books, and I think it fits so well with a character who we know has a fondness for magical history!

ok but the first line of the actual narrative, when Grindelwald is standing by the plain... hdhsuhvhfiays how do you use words?!? I love it. Seriously, the words flow so musically and the imagery is wonderful.

I'm beginning to realise this will not be as short of a review as I intended if I keep gushing about every paragraph. So it may be long and obnoxious to respond to... your own fault really, for writing such a beautiful story. :p

I love your portrayal of Grindelwald. He's so arrogant and sly and I really don't like him haha but he is EXACTLY what I imagined Grindelwald to be like at that age. Based on the interaction with the wand snapping, how he wasn't really taking it seriously and then broke it himself - he thinks he is so clever and superior. You have done so well commmunicating his personality just by a few actions.

I really liked the way you wrote the 'episode' from Ariana's POV. (I love her thoughts on 'episodes' too, haha - the neck of Ariana!) But anyway, she's so in her own world and living in her head, so that's not what her episodes look like from the outside - what Albus sees, as he doesn't see Glass Girl or Mother, it must look like Ariana just talking to herself. As sad as it is, I really like this view into Ariana's mind and what she sees and is dealing with. Her thoughts on that are interesting too, the way she sees her brothers as blind because they can't see the three women. But I liked the way you wrote both brothers trying to comfort her though - I know they argue and generally don't get on but here it is obvious how much they care for their sister.

The flashback about the Muggle boys bullying her was heartbreaking. She was so fragile and that really just put her in a dark place.

And Grindelwald at the end, being so charming... reminds me a bit of Tom Riddle! I am excited for him to meet Albus though.

excellent chapter teh!! This is such a wonderful story!

Author's Response: Ahahah, yes I do love reviews indeed! And here I am responding to your not-obnoxious-at-all review. :P THANK YOOUU. This was such a lovely review to receive!

What...how do I use words? Same way as anyone does! With a blender of course. :P

I'm glad you like Bathilda's rambly letter. She doesn't have that great a role in this story, but I still wanted to give her a bit of a voice, and a personality.

Grindelwald, ha! Arrogant little twerp. :P Absolutely hilarious to write! Yes, he does think very highly of himself, doesn't he? But he would be a proper Dark Lord in the future if he were all humble and self-deprecating and such. I'm so so glad you thought Gellert's character was appropriately written! He's quite an intimidating character to write, both him and Albus.

Ahaha, you're the first one to comment on those 'episodes' of Ariana Dumbledore. I rambled a bit at that part, but thought it worked well with everything else, so I left it in. There's going to be a thin line separating delusion from reality, madness from myth, and I'm very eager to explore these concepts. The three women are quite possibly a hallucination of Ariana's. Or they are quite possibly something else. I dunno. We'll have to wait and see, and I've got a lot of sorting out to do with this story!

I am excited from Albus to meet Gellert as well!

Thanks for the fab review, Kristin! Thanks for swapping with me and making me respond to more reviews. :P ♥ ♥

teh


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Review #6, by MissesWeasley123 

30th January 2014:
Hey teh! (that rhymed in my head, is it supposed to rhyme? :P) I'm sorry it's taken me AGES to reach here!

And wow, excellent chapter!

Your letters are always so mysterious! It's so troubling how it's a different letter from a different person, and I really don't know where this is going, because your abilities to write so nicely and mysteriously is aggravating! I love it though, so well written. You truly carried her voice you created back in chapter one in the letter, and it's highly interesting that she knows about the Hallows!

I will talk about Grindelwald, but MUST. TALK. ABOUT. ARIANA. I'm one of those stupid people who never really understood what happened during that whole scene with Abby dear telling us what happened to her. I always assumed something around the lines of the boys hitting her or throwing rocks at her because the magic wouldn't work, and so she was scared do it again, but your way made so much more sense, and was immensely heartbreaking. The rubbing of the mud -- that part made me shiver. It was so twisted, and ugh. And Percival's love :( That made me realy sad. Fathers. *flops over* I've been a real brat to my dad the past couple of months, and that part broke my heart, because he was in so much pain, and he loved her, and honestly it was making me cry because I suck and I'm probably hurting my dad as well, and eurgh I'm terrible.

The three women, god that was wicked cool.

I loved and hated everything about her episodes. Those were so chilling. From the Glass Girl, and then what Ariana would be once her episodes finished - limp and broken. That was heartbreaking. And Aberforth and Albus working together was warming, and especially when Aberforth would try to comfort her, but she was already finished on the inside, her sanity and will gone. It was a sad thought.

Grindelwald, gah. He reminds me a lot of young Tom Riddle, charming yet cunning. His entire part with the Headmaster was so well written. His dialogue and just his character -- you give him excellent depth, and it's so sad because in my mind it makes me really emotional to know that Dumbleodre does fall in love with him, and it's almost as heartbreaking as the Tom/Minerva ship and my heart, my heart is failing.

Just. teh, you are amazing. Keep on writing this, because it is absolutely breathtaking. ♥

Author's Response: You are very very VERY close to pronouncing my name. Er, my penname. Add a 'h' sound to the end of of the word, and that's how you say 'teh'. Like 'teyh'! Heyh teyh! lol.

Sorry nothing! THANK YOU for coming back ♥

And it's good that you don't know where the story is going, but it's not good that I don't know either. Well, we'll just have to write and see, eh. I'm glad you like the letters, though! I really do have fun writing them. And can I say that I'm so, so happy that you felt you could connect Bathilda's voice in the letter with the early appearance of her character in the first chapter!?

Ariana's past wasn't the most pleasant of parts to write, ugh. It made me uncomfortable; it was something so drastic and terrifying and I don't usually write these kinds of things. But it seems to have made an impact with some readers, so I'm glad. It was never meant to be easy to read or write.

And I've been a brat to my dad all my life lol. :P *feels guilty*

Albus/Gellert is probs one of my favourite ships ever! I used to read a lot of Tom/Minerva, but not so much anymore. And Grindelwald is going to be a tricky but very exciting character for me to explore!

Thank you for your brilliant review, Nadia! ♥ I won't stop yet, not for awhile! ♥ ♥

teh



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Review #7, by CambAngst 

28th January 2014:
Hi, there! I couldn't resist coming back for chapter 2. It's always such a pleasure to review for someone who's so warm and appreciative!

The letter from Bathilda to Master Thimble was another good scene-setter. I loved how, even back at the end of the 19th century, there were people bemoaning the fascination of the young with progress and newfangled things at the expense of tradition. Nice touch. Bathilda doesn't seem to place all that much stock in the legend surrounding the Hallows, being more of the opinion that the Peverell brothers crafted three exceptionally powerful magical objects with their own talents. I think that's a great way to square the legend with JKR's general preference for magic to be an orderly discipline, free of any sort of divine influence.

Your Gellert is a really awesome character. He's so self-assured and cocky. The small, defiant act of snapping his own wand was such a statement. "I'm not going to beg for your pity or understanding. I don't need your approval to be great." The exchange between Gellert and the Headmaster was brilliantly written.

"I would like to see you exhibit some sincerity for once, Master Grindelwald."

Gellert's eyes lit up at his teacher's irritation. "That is not something I have learned at your school."
-- Ouch. He cuts right to the bone. It was so reminiscent of the letter to Dumbledore that opened the first chapter.

Your description of the old wizard who supplies the black market portkey was really neat. You made it so easy to visualize this very unpleasant-looking old man. Then you follow with the entree to his pursuit of the Elder Wand. The description of the tree was every bit as awesome as the description of the old wizard.

Poor Ariana! The story of her injury was so sad. It's really no wonder that her father chose to exact vengeance on them, no matter the cost. Even when you write about his gift to her from Azkaban, the wooden box, you don't glamorize anything about it which I thought was a great choice. You've made the Dumbledore family perfectly imperfect, if you know what I mean. I absolutely loved the delusion of the three women. That was haunting and fantastically written. The personality you gave them and the descriptions were so good. It was also really, really nice to see the three Dumbledore children in a moment of relative peace, sitting together in Ariana's room. So much is made of the animosity that tore the family apart, but it can't have been like that all the time. Ariana really does love both of her brothers, just in different ways.

Gellert is such a smooth character. He literally drops into this village without shoes on his feet, a wand in his hand or a galleon to his name, but nothing can shake his confidence. By the end of the chapter, he's well on his way.

This has the beginnings of a really great story, and I hope that I can help to motivate you in some small way to give us more!

Author's Response: Hello again, Dan!! And thank you for yet another brilliant review!

Ah, yes, I'll be exploring aspects of the Deathly Hallows myth in this story, and I'm /probably/ going to lean a bit more toward the mythical side of things. I'm not sure about a lot of things in this story, but writing about myth and legend is always going to be fascinating.

And Gellert! I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a character before! Yes, I'm glad you noticed everything about him: shoeless, wandless, alone and completely unfazed by anything (maybe). He's meant to be quite a charming but strange fellow; there is a darker side to him, but I don't want it to be too visible; I don't think Albus would be interested in a clearly evil character, - I find that things get a little bit dull with such unequivocally villainous characters (e.g. Voldie).

I'm glad you noticed that moment of quiet between the three Dumbledores; it's an uneasy sort of truce between them, but it is a moment of peace. You're the first reviewer to comment on this! And delusional!Ariana just may be about my new favourite thing.

You have /definitely/ motivated me to write more! I'm having a busy few days, but I have started the third chapter, and hopefully I'll get it done by this month! Thank you so, so much, Dan! ♥ You're far too kind, my dear.

teh


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Review #8, by patronus_charm 

22nd January 2014:
Aw, hugs to teh! Iím suffering from a terrible cold right now, so I feel your pain! But even though I already said this your banner is just ♥. It matches the story perfectly if that makes sense :P

The letter at the beginning was just great! The language was so time appropriate which was a really great touch because I could see the care you had put into it. Then the historical context you supplied with the brief hints at the industrial revolutions and the towns creeping in was just great and so enjoyable to read. Bathilda was so knowledgeable about the Hallows and all of the sources which talk about them which was such a great nod to her life as a historian. It was just great really!

AH! ITíS GRINDELWALD. MUST CALM SELF DOWN. Iíve always had a strange soft spot for him, and he was just perfect here! I loved how we got to witness him at Durmstrang and him being expelled. It was a rather strange moment in his life with the way heís rebelled enough to get expelled but is still under a certain amount of influence as seen by him snapping his wand. I really liked that dynamic and it just differed so much from Voldemortís experience at school where he did everything to seem like the perfect student whereas Grindelwald was the reverse. This line ĎGellert does not forget people. Ď was really great as it showed the dark side to him and possible need for vengeance.

You showed another key canon moment! Gah, I love you for doing this teh it just makes it all the more real! I really felt for Ariana in that moment, the way those boys kept on terrorising and demanding more and more from her. It really broke my heart to read the bit where they were rubbing mud on her, it was just horrible. I thought you caught her mind-set perfectly of a little girl who just wants to be accepted and left alone, and it made me want to hug her and cheer her up so badly!

The way you wrote Arianaís descent into madness was really great. She was such a sweet girl the way she was just sitting there and drawing and being young and happy. I really did feel for Albus too because I could see he was trying really hard to be patient with her, and I liked that aspect of him because it sort of forewarned how he wasnít a natural for this job and why he would turn to Gellert in the end. Then there was Aberforth just being a babe really. Heís such an underrated character that I liked he got a small chance to shine here by being Arianaís saviour.

The ending was really great because it means that Gellert is in Godricís Hollow meaning he could meet Albus soon meaning I will squee a lot from excitement. Gah, I just love this story so much, itís seriously one of the best ones Iíve read on here in HPFF, and I havenít felt so excited for a story update in a while :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hugs to you too! ♥ Hope you banish that nasty cold as soon as. AND THAT BANNER. YES. I love it and I cannot stop capslocking EVERYTHING whenever I look at it. Eagh.

I'm glad you like the letter; wow, that was difficult to write. :P I flailed a bit at your "time appropriate" comment; my general attitude toward my writing is 'don't make it /too/ contemporary or anachronistic'. So your comment is like a whole bucket or relief to me.

GELLERT GRINDELWALD. YES HIM. Finally, I get to write a Dark Lord, and a smiling one, too! The part where he snaps his wand is just him being all dramatic, but he also does want to leave on his own terms; he's quite insolent, actually. :P I think I'll have a bit of fun with Gellert in this story!

And Ariana's incident :( :( I had to include that canon moment; I really didn't enjoy writing that part - it was kind of painful, actually. Also, I just realised there's a huge glaring canon error that I forgot to fix with that scene; if I'm not mistaken, in DH, Aberforth says that Ariana was attacked by three Muggle boys, and I somehow forgot to include the third one, though I'd been meaning to. *hides* CANON FAIL #1.

Gellert is in Godric's Hollow? THAT MEANS GRINDELDORE ♥

Your comments were absolutely fabulous, Kiana! Thank you! It's so wonderful to see that you're enjoying the story, and I'll do my best to get the third chapter written as soon as! ♥ ♥

teeh


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Review #9, by Lululuna 

22nd January 2014:
Hi teh! :) Here for your 3rd of 5 prize reviews.

This was a fantastic chapter! I really love how you're expanding on the few clues we have from DH and really creating a world and these fascinating characters. I like the way you write Gellert - he's very chilling and calculated, and he reminds me a little of Voldy as well when he was young.

I like the idea of Bathilda knowing about the Hallows - it's interesting to think how she might have been intruiged by the legends and more mystical secrets of the wizarding world while still being by all accounts a very detailed and factual historian. I also love the voice you used in the letter - how she seems so vivacious and eloquent, and how she was scoffing at the idea of the muggle cities. It's a really cool idea to begin each chapter with a letter - this really establishes the story as being pieced together from the past.

A bead of blood trickled across his front teeth, staining them scarlet, and out the corner of his lips, crawling up his cheek and toward his eye, a tear going the wrong way. I really liked this line, and how visual it was in a grotesque way. Poor Avarin! It was also so interesting how all signs pointed to Gellert- I like the idea of his getting away with these dark goings-on until one day it snaps.

I thought Gellert's fascination with wands - symbols of strength and power in wizard terms - was very interesting. I was quite worried for the man whose wand he considered stealing, and his ruthless interior contrasted with his charismatic exterior is quite terrifying.

The story of how Ariana was tortured was just heartbreaking. I thought it was quite creative (and horrible) how they shoved her into the fire that she had desperately created, because witches are supposed to burn. It was so tragic and cruel, while still showing how some people might have feared magic at that point in time. Poor Ariana. :(

Percival working to make the box for Ariana in prison was truly heartbreaking. It showed how desperate and sad the end of his life was, and how much he loved the daughter for whom he sacrificed his freedom for. However, I do think it was a little foolhardy to go after the Muggle boys - they were just children (albeit awful ones) and by throwing away his freedom he wasn't there for his family anymore and that's rather worse in the long run. So I have mixed feelings about him. But I did love the box. :)

I loved the three women who follow her around and speak with her, and especially the name "Glass Girl." There's something very fragile and beautiful about it, and I imagined the Glass Girl as sort of an embodiment or projection of Ariana herself. The Glass Girl crying out during Ariana's fit and Ariana's sharp dislike of her seemed to indicate a sort of personal identity and link between the two of them, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of how the three women develop in telling the story. :)

It's interesting to see how articulate Ariana is as well. It almost makes her even more relatable and shows how her mind has been so catastrophically disturbed and damaged, beyond her control. I felt especially sad for her when she apologized to her brothers: even though Albus reassured her, there's sure to be some resentment and grudging resignation in his responsibility to her, and I think she knows that.

Haha, I also liked how Bathilda thought of her nephew as "Gellert-Giftbearer." He really seems so smooth and irresistible, making him all the more ominous.

This was a great chapter, I loved it! :) Looking forward to the next one! :D

Author's Response: Wow, Jenna, did I ever mention that you're like the best reviewer ever!?! Because gaah! Thank you for this amazing and very quick review on my new chapter ♥

I'm glad you like the idea of starting each chapter with a letter; that being said, I'm now officially struggling to keep up with the rigid structure of this story eep.

Gellert is indeed a strange one to write, and I must say I do enjoy trying to imagine him and pinning him in words. I suppose he is indeed a bit like Voldie, but perhaps a happier Dark Lord - or at least, one who smiles a bit more?

I did like the box, too! ^.^ It's one of the details that just came to me as I was writing; I thought it would be interesting to mention Percival in the chapter. He won't be mentioned very often in this story, though at this point, it's hard for me to say just exactly how the thing is going to turn out.

The three women were originally meant to be three men *cough the Peverell brothers cough*, but that made things sound a bit forced, so I dropped them from the fic and decided to work on a different idea. I'm quite excited to expand more on these ideas! And yes, Ariana is both quite lucid and demented at the same time.

Thank you for yet another amazing review, Jenna! This has absolutely made my day ♥ It's going to take me awhile to post up the third chapter seeing as I'm a terribly slow writer, but I'll get there, I think. Eventually. :) Thanks again!

teh


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