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26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ABlack 

2nd April 2017:
Why am I getting Bunicula vibes off this bunny? There is definitely something going here. How did it get out of its hatch/cage and end up on her pillow? Creepy factor one.

The way Wren has episodes of brain fog is clearly more than typical teenage spacing out. She seems to be having visions from her innocent petís point of view and losing large tracks of time. That her hair has grown out and she didnít notice is†quite telling. But why hasnít any of her friends or family noticed her distraction yet? Creepy factor two.

And along the lines of family, whatís up with Gran? Iím beginning to think that the bunny is not only affecting Wren, but also Gran. Creepy factor three.

Speaking of bunny, somehow you managed to take something rather innocent Ė a fluffy bunny Ė and make it somehow sinister. Kudos to you for somehow pulling that off because I honestly didnít think it was possible.

Unlike most next-generation stories, this one is very original. Yes, it has Albus and gang, and itís painfully obvious Albus has a thing for Wren (Iím curious as when heíll start picking up vibes about bunny). But for all that, the story doesnít feel like a tired retread. I donít think Iíve ever come across anything quite like it, and Iíve read more than my fair share of HP tales.

~Alexis

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Review #2, by Marshal 

2nd April 2017:
Hmmm there is so much to say here I am not sure where to start. In some ways my head is spinning right along with Wren in this chapter. The fogs and hazes you have created as well as the distance and almost missed time is interesting and I can help but wonder what is going on. I feel like a lot of this relates back to what happened in the previous chapter. Like maybe something happened when she met Dillon or something I don't know. I am certainly intrigued and curious now to know what exactly is going on. Particularly with the obsession of with Bunny and the sudden and sort of unexplained panic attack Wren had. Curiouser and Curiouser.

The oddness that has my head spinning aside, I really like the awkwardness between Albus and Wren. It is soo dead clear that the boy is smitten with her! I know she doesn't see it and it is hard to see it when you are on the receiving end but as an external observer it is adorable and I look forward to seeing more. I just feel bad for Albus becuase Wren is in an odd spot and in some ways is brushing him aside without realizing it and it isn't fair to the poor boy - but life isn't fair in the end. It will be interesting to see what comes next and how my questions will be answered!

Author's Response: Hi again!

Yeah, I apologize for the spinning thing, but it was necessary to bring the disorientation out in front and have people get that bit about what Wren was going through. At this point, if Wren knew what was going on, we'd have the story finished up in about three chapters. Unfortunately, we can't have that and I had a lot of stuff to play with. You're definitely on the right track with Dillon though.

I wanted Albus's feelings to be clear, and also play with the realism in situations like that. It shouldn't be easy. It should be a challenge, and with Wren in the position she's in, she wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to deal with it anyway, so there you are. It does make it extremely unfair to Albus. I felt just about as sorry for him as you do. Poor guy!

I hope you get to read more!

Pix


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Review #3, by Liana 

1st October 2015:
Wren seems like another Luna right now, although maybe a little more frantic and prone to worry. I'm wondering if she has some sort of special power. Interesting that Scorpius is part of this group of friends. Love this story so far.

Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying the story! I hadn't thought of Wren being similar to Luna before, but you're right that at this point she isn't thinking as clearly as her friends.

Thanks for keeping on!

Pix


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Review #4, by HPTragic 

12th September 2015:
Just so you know,chapters 3 and for have switched places

Author's Response: Thanks. I'll fix that right away.

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Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell 

11th September 2015:
SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG WITH THAT RABBIT!!!

The use of dramatic irony here is killing me. I mean, in a good way, but I can't bear it. And something about the way she keeps calling that unnatural creature "Bunny" is freaking me out. It causes the brain fog, Wren! It's like a bad relationship! It's separating you from your loved ones! Get out! Dump the bunny!

--Penny

Author's Response:

YES THERE IS. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

Yay for dramatic irony!! Hee hee. That's partly why I chose "rabbits".

Pix


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Review #6, by AlexFan 

19th August 2015:
THAT IS ONE CREEPY DAMN BUNNY OH MY GOD! BURN IT BEFORE IT BREEDS! I knew it, I just knew it, that bunny is all cute and stuff but there was something fishy about it, I didnít trust that bunny. There must be some kind of connection between Wren and the bunny. Whatís the bunny going to do with that connection, is it going to use it to try and harm Wren?

I donít like this bunny.

Your descriptions were on point, I could definitely feel exactly what Wren was experiencing, I could very clearly picture the room spinning around her and her dizziness and the pain. I could definitely relate to her feeling of being alone while everyone else is talking to each other about their summer, I know how that feels to be apart from your group of friends. And I know how strange it must seem to her to have let so much time slip away. I loved your description of Albus, I just kept picturing a really big sloth for some reason while you were describing how tall he had gotten.

Everything seemed so innocent at the beginning of the story but everything has picked up so quickly, I didnít think it would start getting dark this early on in the story. I love how your building the suspense up for the story as Wren tries to figure out whatís going on with her and whatís happening.

Author's Response:
You didn't happen to watch last night's episode of Zoo, did you???

Because I was sort of thinking the same thing, except much later on in my story. :P

I'm so glad that Wren's descriptions were clear to you and you could relate to them. It is very strange to have people in the same room with you and you can't seem to relate to them at all. Hahah, really big sloth!

Also glad you like the build up of the suspense. It's going to take Wren a while to figure things out.

Thanks for another cool review!

Pix


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Review #7, by cherry_pop94 

17th August 2015:
Hi Pix!

I'm sorry it's been so long. A lot has been happening with me over the past week or so, but things have calmed down a bit now. I'm hoping to finish this by the end of summer!

I really liked this chapter. It was really interesting and I'm definitely curious about what happened with the six week time jump. It all passed by Wren in a blur... That bunny is definitely something strange. I wonder if we'll ever get to know what happened in Wren's six week adventure?

I really love the parallels between this and Alice in Wonderland. The white rabbit, the title of course, the bored and displaced heroine, even the letter that said 'READ ME.' I thought that especially was a great touch. For me, it sort of enhanced this experience.

I don't have any concrit for this chapter. I thought it was well done and well written. I'll be reading the next chapter tomorrow morning (for real this time)!

Stefanie

Author's Response:

Hi!

I thought I had just typed this review response, but HPFF ate it. Ahh...

Anyway. No problem on the delay. I'm happy when you come back, whenever that may be.

The parallels between this story and Alice in Wonderland are purely coincidental, but I think they're neat, now that you point them out to me. I hadn't even thought about it until now. :)

Thanks for another sweet review!

Pix


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Review #8, by moonbaby11 

15th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review.

I'm really enjoying this story so far! I said I would only post one review if I didn't notice anything glaringly confusing in the other chapters, so good job! You seem to have a really tight story here. Of course I'm a little confused, but that's because there's supposed to be an air of mystery to everything that is happening in Wren's life right now. I have many questions (mostly about Dillon and this bunny) but I'm sure they'll be answered eventually!

I'm really enjoying the characters you've introduced to us so far. I'm sure there will be more when Wren and everyone return to Hogwarts, but right now I enjoy the cast that's present in the beginning. Wren makes for a very interesting main character. Her loyalties to her family are clear, and so are her feelings of independence and not following the crowd. I like that we're looking into this transitional point of her life (moving houses and just generally growing up) and seeing how her life is changing. I'm also really liking the relationship between her and Albus and I'm beyond excited to see where that goes (I ship it already!).

Dillon seems like an interesting guy. I'm not sure what his deal is yet and whether he's a good guy or a bad one, but I'm very curious to find out. Is he a squib? Is he even a wizard at all? Or is he just a muggle, trying to find out information for his Mum? I'm sure it will all be revealed in good time, but he's the one mystery I'm the most intrigued by at this point.

One of the things I'm really loving about this story is how different it is. Most Next-Gen stories seem to either be romantic comedies where all the drama is centered around relationships or some kind of Third Wizarding War. Right now it looks like your story is vastly different than most of the other Next-Gen novels I've read in my time here on HPFF so I applaud you for that. You're telling a story full of mystery and intrigue - you seem to be good at that.

I feel like I've just been singing this story's praises but, honestly, at this point I don't have anything negative to say! If you'd like, please return to my review thread and rerequest because I'd love to read more! (Also my apologies for taking so long with this). I hope this review is helpful, or at least puts a smile on your face :)

Author's Response:

Hi!

Oh, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Part of me is okay with you being a little confused because of the mystery, and part of me thinks that I may have pushed the plot too far. The jury is still out on that. I have a tendency to write vague, because I prefer to put my own pieces together instead of having things spelled out for me. It's a personal preference. Not everyone agrees.

Wren is in a transitional period in her life. Lots of things are changing around her, so it's crazy to deal with, on top of the unexpected things.

Ah, Dillon. He's my mystery guy, if there ever was one. :)

I set out to write a "different" story, so I'm glad you picked up on that. I don't generally aim for the angsty angst or the rom-coms, not that there's anything wrong with those, but I feel like there's enough of those styles out there and it would be nice to go with something less abundant. Also, I like stories where the norm isn't necessarily what we think it is. I hope I've learned how to tell a good mystery, but I probably still have a lot to learn.

Thanks so much for your comments! I hope you get a chance to come back and see what happens next. I will definitely re-request!

Pix


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Review #9, by Frankie05 

10th August 2015:
Pix

What the? Is the bunny some sort of magical object that causes Wren to forget what is going on around her? How could the whole summer have passed her by?!

I would be overwhelmed too if I was her, not remembering the summer, and then all my friends showed up. Jeez, I'm anxious to see where this goes next. :)

I so called her having feelings for Albus and I bet they are reciprocated - that's why things are a bit awkward. You are setting some things up real nicely here- her and Albus, Scorpius (who came out of nowhere) trying to listen in on Rose, Gran, the elusive bunny. I'm really liking the story so far.

I'm curious why she is having panic attacks/anxiety attacks and why can't she tell her family or her friends. She knows she's not alone. I so badly want to shake her and tell her to talk to someone, and to leave the bunny alone - just got a bad feeling about him.

Frankie

Author's Response:

Hehehe, okay, the bunny has crazy going on with it. There's LOTS more bunny to come, since he's the whole POINT of the story, so I can't say much right now. Crazy.

Poof! Scorpius shows up out of nowhere... I should have used that as a n entrance. IT would have been fun.

Thanks for leaving me more thoughts on my story!

Pix


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Review #10, by Gabriella Hunter 

30th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with this belated swap! I thought that I would have more time to get to this but apparently, real life had other plans. >:(

This bunny is spooking me out. I have no idea where you're going with this or what it might actually be but I kind of just want to take that bunny and place it back into the abyss. I can't believe that Wren's life has been spiraling so out of notice like this, I knew from the very first paragraph that something was a little off. The fact that she spends so much time with the Bunny (I feel like this needs to be capitalized to emphasize its creepy factor) and doesn't even know where the days has gone is worrying. Her hair has grown, she's neglected her friends and she has run out of film?! Madness. I don't know what's going on but that stack of unopened letters was warning sign for me. It didn't seem like Wren to NOT read her letters and I don't know...the Bunny is freaking me out. The flashes of the cottage and the fact that this might be the same bunny that she helped a while back just makes me shiver. Is it like...a ghost? A zombie? A spy for the National Order of Woodland Creatures?

Gah!

I like that Wren's so out of touch with her own life that she nearly forgot about her birthday party. I also think that it's so cute how her feelings for Albus are changing (And apparently she talks to the Bunny a lot about this, well the letters anyway.) but also very realistic that she doesn't know what to do about it. The physical changes that came along with seeing Albus after so long (Six weeks?!) were spot on.

Wren has to look UP at him now and there's an aura of something about them that she doesn't have a name for. I'd really love to see this developed more but for the time being...what on earth is going on with her? The flashbacks or images of the cottage, the weakness and shortness of breath are all concerning. I'm seriously trying to figure this story out and I'm having a tough time of it, which is just fantastic. Hahahaha.

Thanks for the great chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response:

Hi Gabbie!

Yes, time. Keeps on ticking... I hate that about time.

You brought up several things that made me very happy. The hair growing and the letters were both additions during the revision.. actually, Wren's hair grew before, but I hadn't put any emphasis on it before. And I shifted the time element around here too, which you wouldn't have known about. Anyway, your comments make me feel like it was a good change, since you highlighted the things that I wanted people to see. :)

Bunny: international spy for the National Order of Woodland Creatures. That's my next novel. lol.

I've gotten several comments on both sides of the fence over six weeks of rapid growth. I'm with you. If you've ever seen this happen, it's weird and freaks everybody out, and from talking to people who've experienced it, it's painful too. I'm glad you felt that it was spot on.


Lots of things to be concerned about with Wren. There's a lot going on, and it takes a little while for the characters to catch on to things. Thanks for your lovely review! We should swap again sometime!

Pix


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Review #11, by TreacleTart 

11th July 2015:
Hi there!

Back for some more!

I really like that Wren is not particularly fussed about her appearance. I think most girls spend way too much time worrying about that sort of stuff.

The crush on Albus seems so sweet and innocent. She's not really sure if she wants to pursue him or not, but I think he seems like he might be interested in her as well. Only time will tell though, I suppose.

Wren's reaction at the end almost sounded like a panic attack. There must be some sort of spell on her to make her feel what the bunny is feeling? It's strange that as soon as she got to the bunny she felt better.

Again, like I said in my last review...that little boy is so creepy, so I can only imagine what he's done to this bunny.

I'm looking forward to more!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Back! I love it when people come back!

I think too many girls spend too much time on their appearance too, but you know, it IS a skill. I remember being in my early twenties, getting ready for work and thinking "What do I do with all this makeup??" because never played with it as a kid, and I wasn't into it as a teen. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

This is certainly not one of those crash and burn relationship stories, so things aren't going to be quick or easy for Wren. I was really ambivalent about how I wanted to portray that part of the story, and my revision sort of shifts it to where it needs to be. Sometimes you don't figure it all out until you get to the end. Sigh.

Yes, the bunny is strange. Wren is feeling strange. It's all rather strange. And so am I, so...

Thanks for another lovely review! I'm so glad you're reading my crazy story!

Pix


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Review #12, by Roisin 

8th March 2015:
So I am the worst. I would say '/hides/' BUT I HAVE DONE ENOUGH HIDING. Guh--I won't bore you with my stresses, but I will say that I LOVE this story and I'm so sorry I was the worst swap partner ever! I never thought I would bail so badly!

On to your, much over-due, reviews:

Wren is such an interesting and dynamic character! I think it's amazing that you make her so likable and relatable, but still complicated. Like, I wouldn't even say she's flawed so much as she's realistic. What's strange (amazing) is that while she feels very YOUNG (like, accurately teenaged), I still get this sense that she's Mature For Her Age. Or at least, she kind of puts it on. But then her internal monologue and behaviors still do feel very young. Like, she's the sort of person where adults might say "oh, you're so grown up for your age," and maybe even her peers. But since we get to see inside her head, the reader can tell how young she is. But it's subtle. GAH, I can't explain it, but it's really well done. Like, that's a very difficult tightrope to walk, but you've written it in a way that's SO on point and realistic.

Which really has a lot to do with how well written this is! The language and prose itself proves an incredibly high level of mastery. You succeed in letting me get lost in an engrossing story, while still marveling over the beauty of the writing itself. Just rhythmically and pacing-wise, it really works. The variation of sentence lengths and tension builds/breaks are so well done.

Also, I like that you kind of trust your reader to be smart. Things never feel belaboured or spelled out--there's all this subtle stuff with Albus (AND RABBIT), but you respect your reader to get what's happening/implied to happen, without beating them over the head with it.

Also, can I just address the main thing: BUNNY. How did you make a bunny so creepy??? They are the actual cutest things ever! And also, like, the bunny is still CUTE while being creepy. I mean, the effect it's having on Wren is obvious, but whenever we see it, you give us these adorable descriptions!

This is just SUCH an original and amazing story. I really have never seen anything like it. And I have NO IDEA where it's going to go, but I'm so excited about seeing it progress!

Again, I am sososososossosososososososossoso sorry for being so late on our swap. Especially since this story deserves so much better!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin!

Gah, stress. My old friend. I completely understand, so I am delighted that you have found the time to stop by.

I am SO happy you find Wren likable and relatable, AND complicated. If you dig deep enough, EVERYONE's got SOMETHING that they're working through. It's generally called "the human condition". I am also really grateful that you picked up on her feel, which was exactly what I was going for, oh my gosh! Her parents give her a lot of credit for being responsible, and she has earned a great amount of trust from them, but she's still a kid (maybe and old kid, but still not an adult, you know?) and she hasn't gotten to the "I'm all grown up, can't you see?" stage. So, yeah. What you said. :P

Aww, thanks for the lovely words on my prose! Part of me worries that when people comment on stuff like that, I might have made it "too" pretty, that it pulls you out of the story, but I'll take it as a compliment. *blushes*

Yes. I demand that my readers keep up with the story and pay attention. I hate it when authors say things like, "See? See what I did there? I did that THING because it means my character is in PAIN. Did you see that?"

Argh. Anyway. On the other side of the coin, I have to watch myself with the vagueness. Sometimes I write myself into this fog and don't actually say anything about what's going on, which just leaves the reader frustrated and upset at me. It's a weakness, this lack of clarity. Most of the time, my betas beat that out of me in the second draft. So it's generally all good by the time it gets posted.

Bunny is so cute AND creepy, isn't he? I love that about him.

Thanks for the lovely comments, and I do hope you get a chance to at least skim through the rest of this crazy idea I had. Don't feel compelled to comment on every chapter. These days, I'm more looking for comments on the overall story and character arcs, and how to make those connections stronger. I'm not planning to rewrite this thing, but after the last five chapters get posted, I do want to make a few adjustments.

Happy writing!
Pix


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Review #13, by The Basilisk 

8th January 2015:
Hello again! :)

Ah so interesting how Wren had a sort of vision through the bunny! I wonder if it's some sort of immortal creature, or an animal that used to be a human perhaps. I was wondering if perhaps Dillon is the rabbit that she set free but turned human but that does seem a bit farfetched. Although this is the Potterverse so I suppose anything is possible! :P It definitely seems to have some sort of power of Legilimency or at least bonding with Wren by putting images in her mind, which is really neat.

Aw, her and Albus are so cute together! I wonder if his growth spurt has any supernatural reasons behind it? I'm curious about the mysterious glow.

Wren definitely seems distracted and very absorbed by the bunny. Her lines at the end were interesting in how while she was upset her first reaction was to go and comfort the bunny, even though there wasn't any obvious danger to it. Hmm. I wonder if the bunny is somehow channeling Dillon's feelings of abandonment as well?

Looking forward to reading on!! :)

♥ from the Basilisk

Author's Response:

You have interesting guesses. Being an elusive creature yourself, I enjoyed your perspective on this chapter and the mysteries surrounding the rabbit and the boy.

Aww, nah. Albus just grew. And yes, I guess you could say that Dillon is channeling here a bit. He IS rather lonely.

You've come back for another review and another chapter! This is so cool!


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Review #14, by Holly the Holiday Horklump 

6th January 2015:
I'm back!

I like how comfortable Wren is being alone--how comfortable she is with herself in general. I see her insecurities and fears too, but they color her and don't drown her, if that makes any sense! Her voice is very clear in this aspect, from how she reacts to assumptions people make of her--sort of inwardly irritated but also accustomed to them.

She and Albus are too cute! James, shoo, be an attention seeker elsewhere. I love Albus and his too short pants and Wren and her too-shortness. Not to mention her pondering over the consequences of his height and accidental cleavage. That was a really clever bit of humor!

Ahhh I really like the spiral into the horror you've hinted at. It doesn't seem too sudden at all, only that the little bits of creepiness are now clumping together and making something awfully creepy happen. I get the feeling like she saw a vision of what the rabbit's seeing, or what it saw when it used to be the forest (if it IS the rabbit from the forest). And I wonder how the rabbit might be connected to Gran, maybe even related to how she's sick; that penultimate paragraph didn't escape me. I missed Gran in this chapter; I'm probably hoping too soon for any improvement in her condition.

For CC, I would look at places where Wren is setting the scene via her observations and thoughts, as that can break up the action awkwardly, especially as many characters flow in. Think specifically about what information you'd like to convey, without ambiguity, because any uncertainty shows up in writing and can cause redundancy; I feel like I'm learning more about Wren amongst her friends, but I don't learn so many new things when she's homesick. While Wren being confused or undecided is realistic, it's often not the most descriptive or important quality for readers to know. I love the end of this chapter because it IS very certain in writing. It gives me exactly the foreboding feeling I think you mean to give, and I get that from what Wren is doing and her dialogue with Albus and the whirlwind of her going upstairs to the rabbit. Perfect pacing for that!

Hopefully there's some practical CC in all that! I was most intrigued by the horror coming into this story, and I'm glad there's even more of it popping up!

Author's Response:

Oh, wow. You just hit on one of my greatest weaknesses and put it into words that I've been searching for for ages. *Bows to most excellent and superior critiquing skills*

I swear I've been working on this ambiguity monster ever since I started forming sentences in print. It plagues me. And your comment on Wren's indecision bleeding into the uncertainty of the prose - that's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm struggling right now with chapter 25 for that EXACT issue. So YES, that was incredibly practical cc, and just the right way to phrase it to help me. THANK YOU!!!

So, erm... what kind of bribe/reward do I need to come up with for more of your awesome insight?


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Review #15, by Karou_Marauder 

23rd April 2014:
I really hate that rabbit. I mean, it took away six whole weeks of her life, and it made her forget her birthday. How rude.

Seriously though, it's creepy. How did it get out of the hutch?

I'm guessing the weird visions have something to do with that rabbit. And Albus's glowing, and those weird feelings, and her forgetting the film...

Gah. This bunny is taking over her whole life in a weird and creepy way.

Aaaaside from the bunny, I think Nellie is awesome. She's very realistic, especially with the teasing about Albus, and she's very motherly to Wren. She sounds like a cool character and I hope she's in it more.

Haha, James.

Wren and Albus are so sweet together. It's sad how Bunny has taken over her life so much that she can't even enjoy hugging Albus. (I should probably stop going on about Bunny, but it's giving me the creeps.)

Sorry for the rant. See ya in later chapters!

-Karou

Author's Response: Hi!

Sorry for the long delay in responding, but I had to deal with "stuff" for a while. I'm back now.

It is pretty rude to just do all that to Wren and not even apologize! Bad rabbit!

Nellie IS awesome! Unfortunately, she's not around for most of the story, which is why I had to condense her awesomeness into just a few chapters. Hehe. She might peek in a bit every now and then to check on Wren, but that's all I have planned for her at this point.

Don't worry about going on about Bunny. It's sort of the point of the story. :)

Thanks for the engaging review!

Pix


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Review #16, by MargaretLane 

10th April 2014:
There's definitely something somewhat ominous about all these rabbits popping up all over the place. I'm not a great fan of rabbits anyway. *laughs* But that's not why I'm suspicious of them here. It's more that the keep popping up in every chapter, are sort of associated with Dillon, who's a bit odd and the title of the story includes the word "rabbit", which kind of implies they've some significance.

I guess what you mentioned about Wren not feeling well is part of it too. Has me wondering if it's after the rabbits appear, she starts feeling unwell and if they play some part in that.

Aw, Albus seems kind.

And her mind fills with a fog when she's thinking of taking photos of the rabbit. I'm getting the impression it's making her obsessed with it or something.

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, there definitely is some weird going on with the rabbits. I'm impartial to them myself, but they seem so cute and cuddly... though, have you ever tried cuddling a rabbit? Haha!

Obsession is a good word for it. You have some interesting observations. I can't wait to see what you think of the next few chapters. :)


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Review #17, by SilentConfession 

31st March 2014:
I'm still loving what you have here. I like how you have this concept here and yet we're still in the dark about what that actually is. To an extent anyway. I think you've structured it really well as you want the first few chapters to really spark some sort of questions and ambiguity. So, although there is very few answers thus far, it isn't disheartening because you keep packing on these layers that make us question everything that is going on in the story. I really like to read stories like this because i'm constantly spinning out theories of what is actually happening and how it is all going to tie up in the end. You've also don't a great job at introducing it slowly and subtly so it isn't just shoved into our faces. It makes the story loads more interesting.

Saying that there are few concrete answers is a bit of a lie as we do know or, at least feel, that this rabbit means bad business and Wren is completely going off the rails at the moment. It adds to the tension and fear of the story simply because something that is normally quite innocent is turning into a horror. Like it's possessing her, or bonded with her in some strange way that makes her act like she is. She is, however, slowly beginning to question. Sort of anyway. She's wondering how she could've forgotten the film and how so much time has passed. I think that shows that perhaps she won't always be in the dark of how her world is twisting out of control. I am left wondering if she'll figure it out too late though.

Again, I like the tone of the story. Having this told from Wren's point of view is lovely as she has the is really lovely way of perceiving the world around her. Also, you have show a lot of their youngness in this. Which I like because it is so easy to write characters and make them seem older than they actually are. However, Wren is young, so is Albus and I like how you explored Albus hitting this awkward stage of puberty and Wren being awkward (though that could have something to do with this fuzzy bunny that is taking over her). I liked that because it made the story feel a bit more real as they're dealing with normal teenage things. It grounds the story and I hope this continues throughout.

You've done an excellent job at introducing questions and giving the bare minimal answers to anything. It makes me want to continue reading so I can learn more about the characters and figure out how a bunny of all things can be so evil. Or maybe it's just a bunny and Wren's emotions and confusion are being displaced onto something that is just an animal (doubt it!). However, there are plenty of ways this story can go and i'm really interested to see how you take things.

Author's Response:

I worry sometimes that I've complicated the story mechanics so much that people won't be able to follow it once I start explaining things. I tried really hard to show how things worked instead of telling the reader. One, because it's more fun that way, and two, it's easier to understand when you can see it happening. I'm glad you have lots of theories! It makes it more fun that way!

This is my first attempt at writing a "horror" type story. I wanted to use all of those elements that horror stories have, while keeping the overall tone from falling into the blandly morose melodrama. Who knows if I'll end up succeeding or not. It's a challenge, definitely!

The teen thing does have a grounding effect on the story, doesn't it? Some things just have to stay normal enough for the reader to not have to grapple with it. I guess it's a lifeline of sorts to what is "normal" in this world that we're writing in.

Thanks so much for your reviews! I enjoyed reading your thoughts on my story!


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Review #18, by TidalDragon 

29th March 2014:
Alrighty! So the list of mysteries expands to include some strange visions and irrepressible thoughts for Wren. This is good in the sense that I've already got the gears in my head spinning to think up a theory about what's going on. You are definitely dancing a delicate dance in terms of destabilizing your MC and only throwing tendrils out about what is going on. I think it's absolutely working for you at the moment in that it's creating a palpable air of concern, confusion, and mystery, but I'm interested to see how long it carries on.

You also introduced the idea of Albus/Wren here. You're approaching it slowly (both in the story and per your request), which I'm personally a fan of. Unless it's a fluff piece, I tend to become a little cranky when the endgame pairing happens too conveniently so I'd like to see how you develop this from friends into something more. Right now though, you used it as a nice additional way to show us a little more of Wren's character in her interaction with Nellie (typical dress, emphasis on personal appearance, etc.) which was helpful to flesh her out a bit more.

See you next chapter!

Author's Response:
See? I am completely out of control with this mystery thing! Nah, not really. But when I was dreaming up this plot, the story mechanics kind of grew fifteen heads and became crazy-complex. I took it as a challenge and moved forward. Maybe I'm the crazy one.

I'm glad you're a fan of slow-moving romance plots. This story isn't going to have any 'heated moments of passion' or anything, but I felt there was enough of a romance quality to the plot that I could include it in one of the genres... maybe I'm wrong about that. I never know which genre to pick for my stories.

You don't know how much I appreciate these reviews. They are super!


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Review #19, by marauderfan 

28th March 2014:
Tag!

Oh dear, what is happening to Wren? How has she been forgetting things like seeing her friends, and buying film so as to not run out? That rabbit is occupying all of her thoughts and I don't trust it. In fact, I think its true nature is much less like the fluffy and cute bunny she believes it to be, and more like the Killer Rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail. That's absolutely what I visualize when Wren keeps wanting to go check on the rabbit. Ok, but WATCH YOUR NECK, WREN!!

Wait no I've figured it out: THE RABBIT IS POSSESSING HER. It's evil I tell you! Evil! Dillon did something to it, and maybe it's not a rabbit at all. Robot in disguise? Alien? A Dark Lord? ... I'm way off the mark.

Aside from my (probably incorrect) theories on the rabbit, I like your characterization of Nellie, sje seems like a great friend! I liked the way you wrote James too. I have a friend who's super into juggling and balancing things on his face, so James dropping forks everywhere made me laugh.

What's going on with Albus? Why is he glowing? Is he secretly Iron Man? (I'm on fire with these really likely guesses today.) I assume it's evil-rabbit-related, but I don't know why it would be...

I have the feeling this chapter is kind of a calm before the storm. All this mystery is swirling around and Wren doesn't question it at all, but I sense that something big is about to happen. Eeep!

Awesome chapter!

Author's Response:
Hi again!

Haha! Killer rabbit from Monty Python was one of my inspirations for Bunny. That's so funny! Yes, Wren needs to watch herself around that rabbit. Who knows what's going to happen next?

Oooh, alien rabbit from planet X that's trying to take over the wizarding world with his creepy andriod boy, Dillon! LOL. Interesting premise.

Nellie is a good friend, and thankfully has kept Wren from being completely isolated over the summer. She tries to get Wren to relax as much as she can, but at the moment, Wren's too much inside her head to be able to do that. And yeah, James putting stuff on his face, lol! I knew someone like that too.

Okay, so we have alien Bunny, android Dillon AND Iron Man Albus... that's a recipe for epic right there! Crossover, anyone? Haha!

I hope you keep reading, and thanks for the lovely review!

-Pix


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Review #20, by nott theodore 

24th March 2014:
Hi, pix! Sorry I'm so late, but real life has been hectic, and I'm finally here with the first of your two prize reviews from the competition!

Ugh. Bunny. EVIL Bunny. Somehow you have managed to actually make me dislike the idea of the ever-present rabbits in this story, which is very strange because rabbits are normally fluffy and cute but in this story they definitely aren't. There's something so creepy about them, even more so because Wren clearly doesn't realise anything and I kind of want to shout at her a little bit to wake up and stop spending time with the creepy bunnies given to her by strange little boys... *breathes* Anyway, I think these bunnies are scary and strange and I don't like them. But with the title, I'm pretty sure they're not going anywhere any time soon.

So this bunny (EVIL Bunny) seems to be somehow linked to Wren's thoughts. Is she going to get possessed by it? Will she become a rabbit? Will ALBUS become a rabbit?

(Okay, those are just very random guesses but you have creeped me out with these bunnies...)

Oh dear, poor Wren. This summer really hasn't gone well for her, has it? I can't work out how much of this is due to the bunny and how much is due to the general circumstances in her life at the moment, but it's not looking great, and I just want to give her a hug (as well as shouting at her about the bunnies).

So first, she runs out of film in her camera, so she can't continue doing something she absolutely loves, she forgets its her birthday and then she hasn't been seeing her friends all summer, so she's become increasingly isolated. It's no real wonder that she felt so emotional with things that were going on in this chapter. Poor Wren.

I liked Nellie and the fact that while Wren isn't normally very self-conscious about her appearance, what Nellie had said to her had managed to remain in her mind when she saw Albus. It's not easy to escape the uncertainties involved when liking someone or growing up! And the part about confessing her crush on Albus to Nellie made me smile, too - at least she has someone she can admit to, and the fact that Nellie's been teasing her about it ever since seems very in character.

Ah, puberty. Poor Al, too, having grown so much that he's now not got any trousers that are long enough for him. Of course, if Wren had spent time with her friends over the summer it wouldn't have been such a shock to her. I really like the way that these characters relate to each other, particularly the way that James and Albus have a brotherly relationship, and the way that their characters and personalities are allowed to shine through the story, even when the situation is not always an amusing one.

And Wren and Albus are so cute! I think there will be a relationship - eventually - but this definitely is going to be fluffy and the normal teenage angst path to get there. Those bunnies...

Mainly I'm quite confused about what's happening at the moment, but I think that's a good thing and it seems pretty deliberate. I'm on to the next chapter now!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Prize reviews! Woot!

Listen, I don't care how late a review is. Whenever it comes, I get so excited!

Oh the bunnies! Can you imagine the absolute mess I'd make if all the charcters turned into rabbits in this fic? However will I keep the characterization straight?? Seems like a complete and total nightmare. It's a cool concept though. I'll think on it...

The summer really hasn't gone well for poor Wren. She's had a lot on her plate, AND she thinks she has to deal with it all by herself. Not a good idea, but you know how stubborn people can be once they've made up their minds about something. The isolation is what puts her over the edge, I think.

Nellie was good for Wren. So at least she wasn't totally by herself ALL summer. :)

I'm so happy you liked the way that the characters relate to each other. In spite of the dreary atmosphere, they are still who they are. Particularly James. He's just... like that.

Yeah, I think Wren and Albus have a furry issue to get over before they can figure things out between the two of them. Oh, the angst! No, not really angst. Because I'm allergic to that. But, yeah.

Thanks so much for the great review! I love hearing your thoughts along the way!



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Review #21, by ScarletEye158 

24th February 2014:
Oh man, what is going on with Wren?? It sounds like she's turning into a rabbit or something! Or maybe she has like telepathy and can sympathize with animals? gah this is so interesting!

And wow, I can't believe six weeks went by where she didn't seen her friends! I bet it wouldn't have been such a shock to have Albus grow if she would've seen him more often but time definitely does change things! Poor girl, she's the only short one now :p

I really liked how you started to introduce more and more characters throughout the story. I really liked seeing Wren interacting with different people and can't wait to see the relationships she has with Callie and Scorpius and get to know more about them :)

I also really want to know what happened with Dillon! Are we going to find out soon?? If he really is old enough to get a letter, will he be at Hogwarts next year?

You are really keeping us on our toes with this story and I definitely have a craving to read more :D

Nice job!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Okay, you get the "best guess of the week" award. ;) Wren turning into a rabbit...

It probably wouldn't have been such a shock if she'd hung out with her friends more often. Albus' growth wouldn't have snuck up on her so much, and she wouldn't have been so isolated either.

Yes, there's more Dillon somewhere around here. *looks under couch* Or maybe he's run off to hide again. Never can tell with that boy.

Thanks for another great review! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far.


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Review #22, by maraudertimes 

10th February 2014:
Hello! Review tag!

Ergh, this is so strange and I love it! But that bunny... I don't quite like that little rabbit. I have a bad feeling about it, and that maybe it's the reason that Wren keeps having those flashes.

This was a really good chapter, although it's sad that Wren didn't see her friends for that long and didn't even realize it. I blame the bunny. It's always the bunny! *suspicious looks around and then whispers* The bunny is evil!

Haha! I loved how Wren relied on Albus to make her feel taller than she was, and that now he's taller, she's the shortest of the group. And the fact that Albus's pants are too short for him.

I really hate the ending. But not because I just hate it for no reason, but that... well... *the bunny is EVIL!!!* Can Wren *feel* the bunny's feelings? And how can the bunny get freaked out if it's a bunny? How does it know that Gran freaking out is a bad thing. I'll tell you why: it's not a normal bunny! It's evil! Wren should call it Evil Bunny!

I mean, I don't normally feel suspicious about bunnies, but Wren doesn't have any more film! That's bad! The bunny is controlling her mind!

Sorry for going on a rant about the (*cough cough* EVIL *cough cough*) bunny, but I have a lot of suspicious feelings about it.

Great job, I really loved this chapter (well, not the bunny - EVIL!), and the whole premise of the story. Also, your chapter names are hilarious!

Amazing job!
Lo:)

Author's Response:
Hello!

Sorry it took so long to respond to this review. Yeah, it's a strange story, but that's kind of how I roll. It's not marked Dark/Horror for no reason. :)

Can Wren feel the bunny's feelings? Is it mind control? Is the bunny evil?? You are right to be suspicious, because SOMETHING is happening in the story.

It's okay to rant. If you feel you have to, go right ahead. I won't mind a bit. :)

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #23, by adluvshp 

30th January 2014:
Hey! Here for review tag as well as for your requested review from my thread. I hope you don't mind me combining the two (if you do, feel free to say so in your response)!

So, before I get on with the more coherent part of this review, I'd like to say I'm pretty much stunned here! Is Wren's mind somehow connected to the rabbit's? That sounds so impossible and yet its a magical world and anything can happen but how and why and omg what's going on! I am super excited and curious and intrigued! Now I kinda get why the story is called Rabbit Heart! It's because Wren somehow has a "rabbit's heart" or something? Like it's connected to the rabbit? omg I am so curious! I know my "crazy theory" might just be completely wrong here and she is only just deeply connected with her pet because she's so alone, but I don't know, something about what happened at the end doesn't seem normal, or right. *shudder*

So, moving on to coherency, I have to say I am pretty creeped out with this rabbit business. They're supposed to be such cute, fluffy, adorable creatures and yet your story makes me look around shiftily and not trust a single rabbit - which is the mark of good writing. I certainly want to unravel the mystery of the pet rabbit and that boy (forgot his name aah - Dillion was it?) and the "rabbit heart" thing.

Nonetheless, I quite enjoyed this chapter. I loved how you've introduced her friends more here - especially Albus and Wren together! They make me so happy and I am already rooting for them. I can't wait for more scenes (ahem romance and fluff and stuff) involving them xD I also like Rose, and I enjoyed the little detail about Albus and Scorpius being roommates, yay! I quite like Nellie too =)

The entire interaction was nicely done though I can't believe Wren forgot her own birthday! The poor thing, she's going through a lot, but hopefully she'll get better when she gets to Hogwarts and is away from the depressing thoughts... though her pet rabbit will be with her and I am not sure if that's a good thing. Lol, I really don't want any rabbits near Wren but I think that's impossible as they seem to be really into the story xP

I love your descriptions really, because with your writing style it's so easy to feel like I am in Wren's head! The way her thoughts fly about really make me feel her emotions along with her while I read, which is a great thing. That panic attack in the end, or rabbit invasion or whatever it was, was very nicely written too, and it gave me the chills. The lighter parts of the chapter were also handled well by you - it's a great thing that you can write both dark and light parts easily. Truly, you're a great author and no wonder I am so captivated by and sucked into your story =)

Your concerns about continuity as well as characterisation seem baseless to me. I think you've pretty much nailed it, at least in my opinion. I am loving your writing and I didn't see any "chinks in the armour" so to speak. Wren is written beautifully and I am connecting with her character greatly. I didn't see any issues regarding continuity from the previous chapters to this one either. I think you've got it all covered - it's a splendid story and I am excited to read on.

Again, I don't have any CC for you. To me, this is some very nice writing both in terms of plot as well as writing style, so great work. Feel free to re-request!

10/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response:

Stunned??

By rabbits??

But they're so cute and fluffy! *blinks innocently* I love your theories about how everything connects together with the title. I guess you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

This story has some light mixed in with the dark, definitely, but I don't think it's ever going to cross the line of "trying to be funny". None of the scenarios are set up to be funny, but the characters do find ways to be themselves, which could be funny, especially when they take themselves too seriously. I find myself laughing at them quite a bit. I got all warm and fuzzy over your compliments on the style and descriptions! (like cute little baby rabbits!) Thanks so much!

I'm glad you liked Albus and Wren. There's a lot going on inside their heads, to the point that I wasn't sure if they were *too* much inside their heads in this chapter, because it goes on for a while (in the next chapter too) and sometimes that can drag a story down too much. So if you're rooting for them and happy about the events, I shouldn't worry over it. :) Yay for connecting with the characters! That seems to be the hardest part of getting it right for me, so I'm happy you feel it.

Thanks so much for the great review and the encouragement!

Pix



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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57 

29th January 2014:
Hello! I'm back with another review for you! :D

Okay, to be honest, I JUST NOW read the summary of this story. (Because I'm inattentive like that.) WHY. JUST WHY. SUCH CREEPY. (Sorry for that, but it creeped me out a little.) Is Albus going to turn into a rabbit?! Plzzz no, that would be HORRIFYING. You've already creeped me out enough with the bunnies as it is!

For instance, the little rabbit that creepy ol' Dillon gave Wren. WHY is he suddenly not in his cage anymore?! What's up with that? This constant rabbit-y motif is super freaky, and while I know that it's kind of the point of the story (as the title would indicate), it doesn't mean that I have to like it!!

No, no, no. Don't get me wrong. This is a GREAT story. I really love it so far. But I'm not so sure that I'll be able to handle the rabbits. It's a sign of a brilliant author when you can instill a heretofore unknown fear of Leporidae into one of your readers. (Well actually, I hope that I'm not the only one who's creeped out about this. That would just make me a pansy.)

Anyways.

So it's Wren's birthday today and she hasn't seen her friends in a month. Additionally, she doesn't have any film, which is a bit odd for someone who likes taking pictures so much. AND THEN THERE'S THAT DARN RABBIT, MAKING HER THINK WARM FUZZY THOUGHTS. I'm sorry. I just can't control my anxiety about this. :P But what's up with the no-seeing-of-friends thing? Why? Has she been too busy with Gran, or is something going on that I don't know about yet?

Hmm, okay, so I'm reviewing as I'm reading (I'm reading it for the second time, just to make sure I know what's going on), and now I see that Wren has been declining invitations from her Wotter pals because of Gran. That's really sad, but also sweet. And then she totally zones out while Nellie is talking... Most curious, indeed! But the Wrenbus mention is cute--I like that Wren has a crush on Al, but she's too afraid to admit it. However, the whole zoning-out thing takes precedence over Wrenbus as KIND OF A BIG DEAL, so the ship is obviously not ready to sail yet. I like that about this story--it's definitely not going to be all about the kissing and the hugging, especially if my hunch is correct and Albus is going to turn into a giant rabbit... (That's totally not my hunch--just an irrational fear, heh heh.)

"When she came out of the kitchen, she didn't recognize the tall, lanky form sitting with their back to the fireplace."~Okay, so I guess this fits under the category of "anything else" that I might like to mention. The problem with this sentence is not a huge deal, but I have a constructive comment (for once), so I'm mentioning it! The "their" in the sentence implies plurality--because the person is singular, you'd need "him" or "her" instead of "their."

Haha, James is so daffy. And he obviously likes to pick on Albus a lot--poor kid. So the mysterious figure is Albus, only a lot taller. I wonder if he likes Wren just as much as she like him, if he's worried about his pants so much. The taller thing is funny--it's odd how that happens to teenage boys sometimes, and you've definitely used the effects of puberty to their fullest advantage here! :)

UH OH WRENBUS ALERT!! THE WRENBUS IS LEAVING THE STATION IN FIVE MINUTES. ALL ABOARD WHO'S COMING ABOARD!! Well, I'd like to buy a ticket, please! Because I haven't seen too much of Albus and I'm only just getting to know Wren, but I'm a bit of a romantic, so I totally ship them. However, I am SUPER glad that their form of flirting/having feelings for each other is a mass of awkward glances, dodging around the obvious, and never saying what they actually want to say. It makes things difficult for the characters, and I love to watch them squirm! :D

Oh, yup! Everybody else thinks it's odd, too! Wren minus camera minus film plus Bunny equals strange happenings on the funny farm. That rabbit is no good. Absolutely not. I really want this thing to be demystified!! D:

Hmmm, it might just be an oversight on my part, but I'm not really sure why Rose said "That's brilliant!" Was she talking about the incoming Scorpius and Callie?

...No. I see. She zoned out for what felt like three seconds, but it was actually longer than that! It's brilliant, how you do that. It makes me feel like I'M Wren because I just get so boggled! As far as flow, it was interrupted by my own confusion, but that's what I get for jumping the gun!

Hm, more strange thoughts of nature that are completely uncalled for. And then... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WRENBUS IS LEAVING THE STATION... Oh wait, not yet. Heh. I REALLY enjoy how you're intertwining the romantic things with the creepy things. It makes for an interesting juxtaposition, and I want to find out what's going on!!

As always, this was a brilliant chapter. The flow is marvelous--I love how it feels like I'm inside Wren's head, to the point that I get confused when she does. It's pretty amazing that you can do that with words!!

Okay, I guess I've talked too much now. I hope that this review is somewhat coherent. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Great gobblety gook! It's a review from UnluckyStar57!!!

I love you!!! You named my ship! Hehehe. I couldn't think of a more appropriate name if I tried. Seriously, this review had me laughing and snorting and giggling for a very, very long time. I don't know how you do it. Are you a professional comedian? I want some of those skilz!

Creepy bunnies?? But they're so fluffy and cute and cuddly... and everywhere. You're right. It is a bit creepy, isn't it? I'm sorry to say, but the rabbits aren't going away anytime soon. Yeah, since it is the whole point of the story... you'll just have to put on your "creep-deflecting" raincoat and glasses when you come back for more. You are coming back for more, aren't you? Pleeze?

YES!! "Anything Else"... you found something. Yay! My betas didn't seem to have an issue with this, but honestly, I stared at that line for many minutes, trying to figure out what I could do with it. Yes, there's one person there, and yes, the verb doesn't agree... but if she doesn't know whether it's male or female, I couldn't just have her label him/her in her head. I finally went with what I did because that's what I *think* in my head when I'm trying not to gender-label someone. They become a "they", whether it's one or many. There's this thing in the German language with the formalized "you". I don't know if you're familiar with it, but when someone addresses "you" formally, the verb conjugation is the same as the third person plural. I guess it's making the "important You" seem greater... Anyway, I did it in my head, so that's where that came from. I just Googled it (because it's been a long time), and it said somewhere that English is the only indo-European language that doesn't distinguish between a formal and informal "you". Crazy language rules... anyway.

Puberty. It's it's own comedy show.

Massive awkward indeed. I'm glad it makes your shipping-heart happy, because you can expect a bit more of that coming up. :) Also, is it common to condense NextGen Albus ships into "busses"? I found that extremely entertaining, and since I don't read a ton of Albus ships, it was totally unexpected. And hilarious. Just so you know, it's going to be typical of a "first vehicle", where they cobbled together the parts from several other automobiles they found in a junk yard, and it's missing a few wires here and there. And I'm pretty sure there's no air conditioning and the windows are stuck half open. Needless to say, you can expect it to break down every other block or so. If they even get the engine to turn over...

Uh oh. Confusion alert. Haha! I love how you attributed it to the character. I'll go back and check that, but I kind of like the idea of you being able to get inside Wren's head and experience things from her skewed perspective.

Thanks so much for the incredible running review! You are awesome!!!

Pix


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Review #25, by academica 

26th January 2014:
Hello, back again :)

I really like the way you write Wren's interactions with Bunny. I can really see the little girl in her come out, despite the fact that she tries to push forward and not let on in public about how much hurt she still feels. It's great that she finally has an animal she can keep, bond with and love rather than one that must eventually be returned to the wild.

How nice that Wren's friends wanted her to have a proper birthday party! It's too bad that the move and her family's stress has interrupted her ability to celebrate her birthday at home, but it's clear that she has lots of support if she'll only take advantage of it. It makes me sad that Wren panicked when Albus got too close to her, but I liked the bit of tenderness between them. They're great as friends and I hope they'll eventually turn into something more.

Great job again on this chapter! The ending was very bittersweet; while I loved the way you had Wren return to the comfort of her beloved pet, it was sad to see her wanting so much to fix everything that's been happening and feeling unable to do it. This chapter was just really nice for character development and emotion.

Maybe I can squeeze in one more before February...

-Amanda

Author's Response:
Wren really loves that little rabbit. She's got a great need for snuggles, and Bunny's very soft, so it's a good fit for the moment. Bunny sort of *needs* someone too.

Wren has great friends. Albus is a great friend too. A little awkward, but still a great friend. I sometimes wonder if my opening chapters are a little too slow for the story, but as you said, there's a lot of character development going on, and I didn't want to rush through all the little things.

Hope you can come back for one more! It's great having you around!

Pix


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