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16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sushmita 

17th April 2017:
Really brilliantly written to describe the evil Dark lord and his evil servants. My heart goes out to Regulus who has to watch all this but also shows why he chose to do the right thing later.
Some typos "heíd come buy just to talk"
"and he was going to make it her in time"

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

27th January 2015:
Violet could still put together some brilliant plays.

^ NO! JAMES DON'T FALL FOR IT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MCGONAGALL IS NEVER LATE. GO TO LILY!

No, lovely Lily, youíre going to understand what itís like to vant to die before it happens.

^ He truly sickens me. I want to vomit. I hope someone kills him. I don't want him to go to Azkaban. I want someone to put an end to his life.

I can't even remember at this moment because I am fuming over this THING. I can't even call him a man because he's not a man. He's a worthless pig. But did she ever tell Sirius and Remus and the others about him? No. She didn't. Lily only told James, right? And she also told him to not tell anyone because she wasn't sure and didn't want to cause a lot of trouble. I just can't remember because UGH. HE SICKENS ME!

Holy...

My heart can't take anymore. That chapter was amazing. I knew Lily was going to get out alive but still you had so many surprises in there you almost gave me whiplash. From Violet and James hashing it out to her realization she's just a dumb, dumb girl. Oh! And Lily using self defense to attack that THING (It no longer has a name). That was epic. That was my favorite part by far because for the first part, Lily is a muggleborn, that would be her natural go to defense moves if someone were to attack her. For another, even if she had her wand we know Lily wouldn't have done anything major to harm him. She's not a killer and she realized he was. He would have killed her. All she could have done at the moment was disarm him or stun him because even though Lily has experienced many different things (her parents death, getting attacked several times) she hasn't been driven to that edge yet where she will need to do something more...painful to another person.

She wants to help the cause and she wants to heal. She needs that one more major thing and I think that thing will be loss. Only this time a magical loss. A friend or family (the Potter's) or something or other.

Author's Response: I've been do excited for you to get to this chapter. Does that make me a terrible person?! I can't help it, i've just been so excited! This one took some serious redoing, and I don't think it would've ended up as intense if Dan hadn't pushed me to really put on paper what I wanted. Because there were some moments where I started chickening out because I just didn't want Lily to have to go through too much! The end result ended up being exactly what I wanted though.

I honestly believe Alrek is an entirely different kind of evil than someone like Voldemort... And I love that you referred to him as 'thing' haha!

Okay, I won't do anymore responses out of order, but I just had to tell you how excited in a terrible way I've been for you to read this chapter!


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Review #3, by PinkRose 

21st July 2014:
I must say, I read this chapter with my heart lifting and falling as I heard the various characters express plans for the future that due to J.K. Rowlings stories we know can't entirely come true. It's beautiful that you've given a life to these characters that technically didn't exist. It was beautiful to read and imagine the things they went through at Hogwarts (thus far) and I can't wait to see the rest!

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Review #4, by nott theodore 

12th July 2014:
Hi Jami!

You're seriously making my hearts race so much with these chapters, I'm not sure how much more I can handle it. But then I'm pretty sure that with the last few chapters that are in store I'm going to be suffering too.

Alrek was just so... evil, in this chapter. It was honestly scary to read the way that he was treating Lily and how determined he was to kill her; the only good thing is that (if this can be considered good in any way) he didn't try and kill Lily straight away, because it gave her a chance to call for help. I'm so glad that she got James that snitch now and that she was able to communicate what was happening! The way that you wrote those short sections and cut between them quickly worked really well to build up all the tension - I'm just so glad that they were able to get to her and save her!

The end section with Alrek was so chilling. There's no mercy at all in the Death Eater ranks and I almost felt sorry for Alrek - he was still so young and desperate to prove himself, but then he's suffered the worst fate possible because of it.

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #5, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

18th July 2013:
I wouldn't have skipped this chapter even if you'd paid me! Where to even start...!?

Wow, the opening started with such a bang! That last line of Alrek's was absolutely chilling. Actually, he had so many creepy lines in this, it's hard to know which ones to single out. I really, really liked: No, lovely Lily, you're going to understand what it's like to vant to die before it happens. *shiver*

And everything about the James/Violet interaction was spot on. I'm so glad you continued with that unwitting idiot vibe for her, at least in regards to what she's gotten herself into here. In contrast to what's really going on, it puts her shallow games in such context. She isn't a horrible person. She's a self-absorbed, hormonal teenager who has no frame of reference for the bigger stakes of what's going on around her. She walks away looking far less a villain and much more...pathetic. A really great exploration on your part of all those people (ie., most of the world's population) that fall somewhere between good and evil.

All that said, I'm still with James. If she'd been a bloke, I'd have wanted to knock her silly too!

The attack itself was terrible and horrific, but in all the right ways. It was hard to read in that you didn't hold back, but also gripping at the same time. You know she has to come out of it alive, but you really do make us wonder just how close to death she's going to get. And I think you hit a great balance of her wanting to live versus just wanting it all to be over. I liked how at the end, she stopped thinking and just started doing. I think that can happen in life or death situations. An instinct to survive kicks in, and here, it seemed to be just enough to fight him off.

I know it's almost a side note in the grand scheme of the chapter, but the ending? Wow! I loved it. Nothing anyone could do deserved the kind of punishment Bellatrix was capable of giving. Terrifyingly true. You hate Alrek and what he did, but unleashing Bellatrix on him... And Alrek and Karkaroff are related?! Was I supposed to know that? If I was, I totally forgot. If not, I loved that added twist. The ONLY suggestion I could make on this section is that this might have been another "cut for space" area. You could've ended on Voldemort's revelation that Karkaroff had to finish Alrek off. Nothing wrong with this ending, but the reader has no illusions about Alrek's fate. The rest could have been left to the imagination. Just trying to help you spot these "opportunities" for the next story.

Two other quick bits of CC -- which makes it seem like I'm picking on this chapter, which really was, IMHO, one of your best so far. I thought you jumped into the "terror" a little fast. A few lines in and Lily is already completely horrified. She's not wrong to be. Alrek was on their list of suspects, so I know Lily would have figured out pretty quickly this was a bad situation. But in that moment, I think there is something to be said for being so surprised, you can't put the obvious pieces together. And from a writing standpoint, it also allows you to up the stakes as the scene progresses. If she's already overcome with horror when he summons her wand, it doesn't leave her much place to go when he actually has his hands around her neck.

Last, be careful with passive voice. Well, I'm not sure it's exactly passive voice, but I think that's the closest grammatical-y term :P Example: Silence followed, the music of the flames as they crackled and devoured the logs being the only thing to fracture the quiet air. "Being the only thing" is a bit of an odd phrase. Something like: Silence followed, the quiet air fractured only by the music of the flames as they crackled and devoured the logs... it's easier on the eyes and brain. I've noticed you tend to slip into that sort of phrasing on occasion when the words 'being' and 'becoming' are involved. Not a major issue or anything, just something to keep an eye out for.

I'll say it again: Wow! This was just a wow chapter up and down. You really nailed the climax here. And I know what's still to come, but I love the way you've left this feeling like the danger has momentarily been subdued...

Just typos. Amazing job, my dear. Really, really well done.

-- "...And why are you wearing..." his eyes traveled over her... (wearing..." he began, his eyes.../ wearing..." His eyes...)

-- ...before she could duck out of the way he made contact with her cheek, his knuckles assaulting the fragile bone (way, he made)

-- Oh God (Oh, God)

-- ... she rushed to the fireplace and slid the long, metal poker from it's holder (its)

-- She broke into a sob, pulling her wand out a muttering a spell James hadn't heard of (wand out and muttering a spell James had never heard of/James had never heard before)

-- "Sorry," he shouted, his skin ... (should probably be an ! and not a , if he shouted it)

-- With one loud bang the remaining wood disintegrated into ashes... (bang, the)

-- But she couldn't couldn't risk the air, couldn't risk the pain (remove double word or add a comma or dash)

-- Her mind escaped from it's moment of lapsed control and she felt like she was somewhere else... (its)

-- It was like someone covered her with a cloud, gentle and soft as it lifted her body up
(love this imagery, but should probably be: It was like someone was covering her with/like someone had covered her with)

-- Professor McGonagall's voice became lower, hushed so that Lily had to stain her ears to hear the rest (strain)

-- "And what's going to happen to him," James asked... (question mark, not a comma)

-- But this evening there has been an occurrence in which I find a necessary time to gather us all together (awkward wording; consider rephrasing)

Author's Response: Becky!!! I'm on a review response spree before I go to the grocery store. Ah, the things i do to avoid that place.

I thought that line was a good way to start us off on a creepy note, so I'm really excited it gave you a bit of the shivers!

I love what you said about Violet and agree to it completely. She isn't bad. She's just so self centered that she doesn't understand not everything caters to what she wants. It goes to that old saying, if it looks too good to be true it probably is. She thought the set up was perfect with Alrek, not even letting herself consider what could be behind it. At least, that's what I wanted it to come off as!

hahaha she should be happy that the fact she still has her teeth is because she was born a girl :P. Or that it was James there and not Belle. If Belle was there, Violet would have been in bad shape.

Not holding back was definitely helped by Dan. I would send him a scene and he would tell me nope, turn it up. I would turn it up then again, nope... more. He really pushed me to go far with this, and the result ended up a lot better for it, I think. It wasn't supposed to be a little scary bit, but a full out attack that she honestly thought she might die in.

I'm SO happy you liked the balance between her wanting to fight and her wanting it to be over. It was tempting to have her just strong all the way through, but it didn't feel realistic. How could, if in that situation, someone not just want it to be over a tiny tiny bit? I was worried it would make her come across as too weak, so it's a huge relief that you think it felt right as well.

Hahaha no you weren't supposed to know they were related! That was my own little twist. I'm excited you liked it! I was going to have one of his parents involved when I first started planning all this out, but having him just be related to Karkaroff enough that they were blood, but not enough that anyone would know, was more fun.

Ohhh that would have been a good place to shorten it! Okay, I need to get better at spotting these for book two! No more 250,000 stories, haha!

No, it doesn't feel like you're picking on this chapter at all! It feels like you're trying to help me clean up my stye and writing, and that's exactly what I want. Oh my gosh. I'm so frustarted right now, because with your comparisons to the passive (or close to it) voice, and not passive, it's so easy to see the difference. But not I'm frustrated thinking that I won't be able to spot it while I'm writing. I'm going to make that a new goal, because the second version of that sentence is much clearer.

I'm so excited you liked this chapter Becky, and thank you so much for the suggestions! I added in the typos, but I want to work on changing the start a bit to build up intensity when my brain isn't so mushy.

Thank you so much for another amazing, detailed, and helpful review ♥



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Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

16th July 2013:
Hi again!

I'm going to do this as Lily then James as it will get too confusing to review if I keep flicking between them!

Lily:

I was truly terrified for Lily at the start of this. You really got across Alrek's menacing presence well. I'm glad you gave her a fighting streak too - something she has all the way to the end of this chapter as that is Lily. Even after the attack at christmas and all the other attacks she has to face she keeps fighting. I love even more that she attacks him back and even makes some comments to start with. She's got such a great and firey spirit!

I also love that from the second she knows the letters were fakes and that James is kind of in danger too she's worried and thinking about him. It shows how much they care for each other and I wouldn't have expected to see it any other way.

This really couldn't have been an easy seen to write but you did so so well, without glorifying anything Alrek did in any way and instead you totally focused on Lily and the need to survive. Not only that though but you managed to write it so well that I kept up with every bit, never getting lost or confused over any bit. It really is a fantastic piece of writing.

Thank goodness for the snitch and pictures! Was this planned before hand then?

She's so close to giving up but she still fights. Thoughts of the ones who love her taking her through it. She's so brave and strong - a true Gryffindor. Again, you wrote the whole section perfectly. I liked your attention to detail with the spells one again, as horrible as they actually are. You have such a good knack for making them up!

Ok - now James:

I can't even tell you how annoyed I am at Violet right now! She's so caught up in making James hers that she can't see anything for how it really is, or she blocks it out. Either way it kind of makes me want to shake her until she understands! James may feel guilty over what he says but she does deserve it.

James' anger when he found out the truth was another great piece of writing. I was so shocked when I found out about the door! I didn't see that coming even though I really should have! Oh Violet you complete idiot. The patronus was perfectly timed though and the moments pause before he went at the door was another clever little addition that felt very James. He knew he needed to calm down a little and get focused to get through the situation and that's exactly what he did.

Good old Sirius. I love that he punched Alrek as 'that's all he could do as he was already passed out'. Brilliant characterisation right there! I liked this line too: 'I never should have left you. I didnít even think about checking the letters for authenticity. Stupid. Careless.'. While Lily should never have to go through what she did, nor anyone else it's at least got the gang more on their guard which will hopefully come in handy another time.

And they finally told each other they love each other! Such a lovely sneaky sneaky way but leaving the chapter on a bit of a high at least! Jami - this line: 'I really do love you, though, he said, nuzzling into her neck. And I need you to stop almost getting killed. Because Iím not sure what Iíd do without you.' This broke my heart as it was so cute and obviously we know they still have so much left to come. the only comfort I guess is that they go together so neither has to live without the other.

The last section was horrible but necessary I feel. Voldemort would never show sympathy to someone who did that. Also he means he's finally out of the story which is good yay! I liked the whole Karkaroff suggesting Alrek though. Nicely weaved in there Jami!

Two typos for you:

"her fingers shaking violently as the streaked the image with red" they streaked the image I think you mean.

"Lily trashed madly against binds she was able to free her legs" thrashed instead of trashed? and I think you mean her binds!

Amazing chapter! You have such an amazing style of writing. It's so good to read!

Lauren

Author's Response: Hi my dear!! I love that you split the review into Lily and James, haha!

Yes!! The snitch and the pictures was one of the plans that lasted all the way through. At first i was going to have Lily end up with the mirror of Sirius's, the one that he and James both have that eventually ends up with Harry, but then when I realized they were going to need Christmas presents the picture in the Snitch seemed perfect!

I'm so excited you though the attack scene was written well. It was really challenging for me. Number one, action takes a lot of mental focus for me and making sure it's clear how much danger she is without getting to graphic. Then another reason... it just sucked hurting Lily :( I got so sad and pouty during this one, haha!

I wanted to make sure that it wasn't all her being determined to fight. Just those few glimpses of, maybe giving up would be easier, felt important to give to Lily to remind everyone she is human. She's hurt, she's suffering, and the idea of stopping the fight crossed her mind. But ultimately she knows she has too much to live for.

Ahh I'm so happy you like my creepy spells! Maybe I should be a Snake instead of a lion :P!

James's turn yay!

Violet definitely got a wake up call in this chapter. Realizing that the world doesn't revolve around her, and that her childish immaturity almost cost someone their life, is hopefully something that will help her change for the better. I'm really glad you were frustrated with her though, and that you noticed the little detail about James pausing to get control of himself! You pick up on everything!!

Hehheeh I was SO excited to sneak that I Love You in! Yay you liked it!

I agree with it being a comfort that neither of them have to live without the other. At least they don't have to try and come to terms with losing one another. It's still all way too sad though :(. WHY JKR. Ugh.

Aww Lauren, you are so awesome. Thank you so, so, so much for always making me feel good about what I right. I can't even tell you what your reviews mean to me ♥


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Review #7, by ValWitch21 

10th July 2013:
Yes, as I was saying, a monster.

Out of order, I loved how this kept switching POV, how horribly realistic you made Alrek (and Bellatrix again, have I ever said how much I love your portrayal of her?), how stupid Violet is, and overall this entire chapter because I just wouargh.

(Also, side note, but I was thrilled by who you chose to portray Alrek because he's been all over my tumblr and I cannot stand the guy anymore.)

YOU'RE FABULOUS AND I'M SORRY I'M RAMBLING ♥

Author's Response: I totally forget what that actor's name is that I used for Alrek, but right when I saw his picture I just thought that he looked EVIL! haha!

The switching perspectives helped me a lot in this chapter to wind down between Lily sections before having to go all in again. I'm soh happy you liked them!

YOU are the fabulous one and I am so lucky to have you following BTF ♥


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Review #8, by Courtney Dark 

30th June 2013:
ALREK AND KARKAROFF ARE RELATED! I didn't see that one coming! Although, in saying that, it does make a lot of sense.

This chapter was fabulously written. I honestly couldn't take my eyes from the page - well, the screen in this case - the whole time. I find it difficult to write action packed chapters like these, but you make it look so easy! And I loved how all the segments flowed seamlessly together.

Alrek was...horrible in this chapter. I really, really hated him. He was beyond creepy. Is it bad to say that I'm glad he is now dead? I do not know what I would have done if I had been Lily. I think you wrote her reactions and all the emotions flooding through her head perfectly. You managed to make me fear for her life, even though I obviously knew she'd survive.

Gah, Violet! I just wanted to scream at her in this chapter. Or possibly strangle her. Both options have their merits. Anyway, when James worked out what was going on and sent his patronus to Sirius I was so relieved - I actually cried out "THANK GOD JAMES!' at the top of my voice. My sister gave me a disgusted look.

The scene where Lily woke up was perfect. She and James told each other they love each other (happy sigh) and all of her friends were just so sweet and perfect and perfect and sweet. Wow, I think I need to expand my vocabulary.

I also loved the scene from Regulus's point of view, and not only because we found out about the Alrek/Karkaroff relation. Though in this chapter it seems like Regulus is still firmly on Side Evil, I could definitely see a few of his niggling worries and doubts coming through. And it was nice to get a glimpse of emotionless, evil Snape, too.

Great chapter!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: I've almost given there relation away SO many times. I'd planned to go more into that, but there just never seemed to be time. I'm happy I shocked you a bit though, yay!

Action packed chapters take a lot of effort for me, and they seem to exhaust me by the end. I just wanted to curl into a bawl and cry and then sleep after this, haha.

It's only bad if it's bad that I was thrilled to kill him ;). I wish I could be sorry I made you scared, but I'm not :P. As much as I didn't like putting Lily through this, it was cool to give her more courage than she thought she had. If that makes sense :P.

Awww haha, well, you know... I'm not going to complain about your vocabulary :P. Really, it pretty much just makes my night.

I had originally planned to write it from Bellatrix's view point, but I thought we needed someone a bit more sane, haha.

Thank you so much for another awesome review, and I hope my response isn't too all over. It's one in the morning where I am, and my brain might be a touch fuzzy. Haha.

♥ Jami


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Review #9, by MissMdsty 

22nd June 2013:
Sirius to the rescue! Yey! I did cheat and read the chapter ages ago but I didn't get around to reviewing until now! This heat wave is in your favor my dear!

Where to start... I'll start with Lily! I loved the descriptions in her part. It kinda reminded me of this thing one of my Criminal Law teachers told us once during a lecture, that no woman can be harmed or attacked or subjected to any kind of permanent damage if she fights back hard enough. And I loved seeing that power with Lily!

Now James... Oh James! The raw emotion in his parts made my hair curl. It's this protectiveness he has of her that shines through in these moments and you've made this beautiful transition from the way he was in the first chapter to this moment. In this moment, right here, in this chapter, James Potter became the man that put his life on the line for Lily and Harry. That makes my heart grow, seeing how far these characters have come!

I know we are nearing the end of the first book and even though we still have a few chapters to go, the kids are all grown up! I am so proud of them and I love the fact that all your chapters until now have been consistent. I love that you constantly write with all your heart and as a reader I can't help but love the story because you love it so much!

And as for Alrek... That was great! He got what he deserved! Good riddance!

Author's Response: Hi Lovely Ral ♥

I wanted a good balance between Lily being a survivor and having to fight, and her also being a human being who just can't do it anymore. Those few moments when she does want to give up were important for me to include, because I feel like anyone in her situation would get to a point where they just didn't think they can handle it anymore, before reaching far down and realizing that they do have more fight left in them.

Awww your comments about James have made me so warm and fuzzy! I'm so happy you see that in him, because I feel that way too.

They grow up too fast, don't they? ;(

Thank you so much for another amazing review, you perfect girl you!


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Review #10, by Navera 

13th June 2013:
I've really been enjoying reading this! Keep it up!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you're liking this! Thank you for reviewing ♥

Jami


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Review #11, by True Author 

12th June 2013:
Hey Jami!

Too much suspense in this chapter! I was really worried about Lily, though I knew she wasn't going to die right now. She acted really brave though. The Gryffindor in her shows up often like that.
James's reaction to the closed door and everything was perfect. Alrek, Lily, James, Violet were totally in character in short.
Nice chapter!

Ashwini

P.S.- No one calls me Ash as the nickname doesn't go well with the Indian pronounciation of my name. The letter "A" is pronounced like A in "a banana". But you can call me that, of course. =]

Author's Response: Hi lovely ♥

I'm so excited that you saw Lily's Gryffindor come out in this chapter! And that you felt like all the characters were, well, in character :D. I liked giving Violet more of a human side in this one :P.

Do you have any nicknames/shortened versions of yours? I don't have any with mine... it's kind of hard to shorten Jami :P.

Thank you again for another awesome review ♥


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Review #12, by CambAngst 

10th June 2013:
Hi, Jami! Such a mixed bag, this chapter. Awesome, but you did so many mean things to my Lily! Where did you get the idea to do such awful stuff? :p

Alrek was amazingly sinister in this chapter. Up to this point, he's always either been undercover or overshadowed by another character like Bellatrix, so it was neat to see him finally have a scene where he was the undisputed boss bad guy. He's also apparently mostly cracked. It isn't enough for him to just inflict an agonizing death on Lily, he wants her to be terrified. He wants her to see the end coming and beg for it. He's like a little mini-Bellatrix in this chapter, only without the highly purified sense of purpose. Or the results, for that matter.

I'll admit it: I spent pretty much the entire chapter being disappointed that James didn't turn Vile into a toad. Because she deserved it. Oh, how she deserved it!

"I don't even understand what you see in her!" Violet shouted, letting go of her quill, causing it to tumble to the ground. "She's a know-it-all. She never does anything fun, and she's as flat as a bloody-" This. This right here. Perfect Vile. She's catty and shallow and clueless.

I love Lily's spirit in this chapter. There were so many times where it would have been completely understandable if she'd just given up. She's taking so much abuse and she's under so much mental duress. There's absolutely no doubt that he means to kill her. None. But no matter what, she keeps fighting. She's so determined to make it out alive. That's my girl!

He wanted to make it slow. Drawn out. That knowledge brought Lily a small sense of relief. -- Not many people would react this way, and it shows Lily's mindset here. Avoiding pain isn't her primary concern. Surivial is. And she's as worried about James as she is about herself. Even facing her own death, she wants to know whether Alrek's done something to him.

You did an awesome job of writing Lily when her brain slips into all-out survival mode. The way that she uses everything at her disposal to fight him off, throwing elbows and kicking and scratching... that was perfect for the circumstances. She puts pride and propriety aside and does whatever she has to in order to live.

James balled his fists, wishing more than anything Violet was a goddamn bloke so he could sock her. -- I think I speak for the vast majority of your readers when I say that we wouldn't have thought any less of him if he'd set chivalry aside for a moment and rearranged her face. That said, you did a good job in this scene of keeping James true to his character. There are certain lines that he simply won't cross, no matter how upset he is. And oh, is he upset. There were a few instances where he took little pauses, especially the one right before he starts blasting away at the door, that seemed a little odd at first blush. But then it dawned on me how hard he was working just to hold himself together. I think a lot of things became crystal clear for him in that little classroom.

The scene in Lily's room was just brutal. I loved the way that you pushed the limits with this scene. As much as Dumbledore and McGonagall have tried to shield their students from the terrible reality, the fact is that they're in the middle of a war. A war being fought against terrible people whose fanaticism doesn't even allow them to accept the existence of someone like Lily and whose methods are nothing short of barbaric. Some of that reality had to make it into this story eventually, and you handled it beautifully. You let Alrek be the animal that he truly is, but you didn't glorify anything he was doing. Your descriptions were tight, functional and spartan. The focus was on Lily and her ability to fight back and survive. The glory was all hers. I know you were really worried about this scene, but to me it was an incredible moment for Lily. This is a person who has the guts to defy the Dark Lord himself.

No, said a small voice in the back of her mind. No. You can't give up yet or you're as good as letting him kill you. -- Exactly! This line really cemented everything she was fighting for.

The array of dark curses you came up with for Alrek was truly impressive. For a long time, I've been wondering exactly why Voldemort chose him for this assignment, and it's really apparent in this chapter. He's obviously very talented in a terrible sort of way.

"Yeah, well... couldn't do much else when he's already passed out," Sirius mumbled and she heard Dumbledore make some sort of tutting, amused response. -- THANK YOU, SIRIUS! As always, the incomparable Mr. Black delivers.

Everything about the scene when Lily wakes up was warm and happy and wonderful. James's sentiments were heart-melting. It's a shame that it really did take this much to get the two of them to admit what they were feeling for one another, but such is life when you're dealing with very stubborn people who seem a bit clueless about love.

"... I swear, loving you this much is going to kill me someday," he said with a quiet laugh. -- You stop that, Jami! You stop that right now!

Lastly, we come to Alrek's demise. It was oddly less satisfying than I was expecting. Maybe I was hoping that James or Lily would be the one to finish him off. Or maybe I was hoping he'd have some really ironic last words, instead of his pathetic last attempt to avoid death. Whatever the reason, his death mostly served as another ghastly lesson for Regulus and Snape. When you associate with animals, it's jungle law. You did a great job with Voldemort's dialog. He sounded perfectly in character. I liked the introduction of Snape into the inner circle. And I really like the way that you're very gradually sowing disenchantment into Regulus.

Once again, I'm out of characters. This chapter had been building for a long time, and I thought it was a huge step for the intensity of the story. The stuff just got real. Great job!

Author's Response: Poor Lily just wasn't going to get off easy in this chapter, was she? :(

In my head I think he's a combination of Bellatrix and Rodolphus. He's brutal and doesn't think things through, but he also has that same need to revenge that our little Bella does. I'm a tiny bit sad we're done with hi, actually... haha.

I know I know, you poor thing :P. Vile is staying a human. for now :P. I'm so happy you picked that line out. It felt like something just meant to be in Mean Girls, haha. Catty things, we are.

I really wanted to mix up her need to survive with the fact that she was absolutely exhausted. I mean she went through too much to just keep it up at full force, but like you said she's still determined to make it out alive. Even if she forgets that a few times. I sort of just want to huggle her... haha

Hahaha I was surprised when you didn't pose a formal request for me to change James's moral code in this and give Violet one good pop :P. But like you said, he has lines he won't cross and that's one of them. I'm so happy that after the initial 'huh' those little times of pause made more sense. I can't imagine who felt more helpless. James being trapped and unable to get to her, or Lily with a crazed murder going after her. Maybe I put the group through too much?

Nahh :P

I was so worried about it! But I ended up so much happier with the result for really pushing it further, or more specifically having you to push me to push it further :P.

They have to grow up sometime though. my babies ;(. And Lily really faced something huge for with just having herself to rely on. See, don't you want to hug her?! I really am so excited with how this whole chapter came out and can't thank you enough for forcing me to get it here ♥

Hahahah Sirius has your back. I actually struggled so long with where I wanted to go. When did I want Sirius to come in? For a while I decided to have him come in during and restrain Alrek until James gets there. That would have made a damn good scene and insanely satisfying. But in the end I wanted this to be Lily's. Sure, Sirius did end up coming in, but Lily was already ready to live no matter what. She didn't need to be rescued. That was the hardest decision for me in this chapter I think, as as much as I would have loved to watch what James and Sirius could do to Alrek, lily deserved it more.

Yes, exactly. I love what you said about associating with Animals. No one is safe here. Not even the most inside of Voldemort's circle, and Regulus obviously knew that the moment he write the note for the locket.

Ugh Dan I can't even say thank you enough for getting me to push this chapter as far as I could and getting it where it needed. I think everything finally felt right when I added that last wake up Lily scene. We needed that. We could use a million more of those, actually ;).

THANK YOU LOVELY DANIEL.


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Review #13, by Owlpost68 

10th June 2013:
I think I would have switched this last scene with the one where Lily was waking up... I got all teary and it was very sweet and makes me want to read more. And I will, but since I'm reading this before bed I'll have to go back and read it again to get this scene out of my head :P It was very well done, I'd just switch it around.
I thought you did a brilliant job with Lily. She was awesome.
Violet was sooo stupid!!!
Arg!!
I love how James handled how flustered Lily gets, at least he understands, and is patient with her.
And they finally said it!! Yay!
Good job!

Author's Response: Hi there :)! That's so funny, I actually attempted that. But I couldn't figure out how to make it work so the reader knew where Alrek was and to make it line up chronologically. I still make tweak it if it keeps poking at me... thank you for pointing it out! And I'm so happy you still liked the scenes regardless!

They finally said it!! I'm so happy you noticed it was their first time!!!

Thank you so much for this awesome review, and if I do decide to tweak the scenes I'll definitely credit you for pushing me to do so!

Thanks ♥

Jami


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Review #14, by DracoGal 

8th June 2013:
Hahaha thanks for the shoutout! :P he deserved to die! Almost killing Lily; horrible. He was just a slime. Although I think it was sad how Karkaroff had to kill his own nephew. Maybe thats why he was so messed up in the fourth book. Like really Voldemort? He could've easily told someone else to kill him. Well it was an amazing chapter. Update soon (:

Author's Response: Well you have been lobbying to get him killed for sometime, now ;)!

Your right, he definitely could have told someone else to. But then he wouldn't be (an attempt) at the Voldemort we know and love ;)!

I'm so happy you liked this chapter. It was such a difficult one for me to write!

Thank you so much for another amazing review!!

♥ Jami! See you Saturday!


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Review #15, by patronus_charm 

8th June 2013:
Iíve been waiting to see what Alrek does Lily to all week so Iím so excited that Iím finally able to find out :D This isnít even going to be a rolling review like usual, as I read the chapter beforehand :P

The suspense in this chapter was horrible! I think it was due to the repeated scene changes meaning I wasnít really sure whether I wanted a resolution to the James/Violet story or the Lily/Alrek one first because they were both so shocking in different ways.

I felt really proud of Lily at the beginning as I could sense that she thought she could take Alrek down and thatís probably due to her not knowing the gravity of the entire situation. Then the way you showed the transition from her belief to one of fear was really great. Then when that realisation hit Lily I began to grow scared too. I donít even know why, as I knew she obviously wasnít going to be killed but I think it was just Lily being in the unknown which was horrible.

I really liked the idea of the portrait, and I canít remember if itís featured before but it was really good anyhow. That scene was horrible when she was calling for James as it seemed as if she had really given up her fight and I had never seen her come close to that before. Iím really glad with the resolution of it though and yay for Alrek being killed as that needed to happen a long time ago!

I really liked how you showed Violet in this chapter too. I think you added a certain level of humanity to her which we hadnít seen before and it was really nice. Even though she still is a really horrible person I felt like she was more of human after this chapter. The first indicator was her blushing when James told her about being mean to Lily behind his back as it showed that she could be embarrassed with her own actions for once. Then the part with her genuinely not knowing how to unlock it as I would like to think that was true and she did feel bad about it.

James was wonderful in this chapter and there were a ton of cutesy amidst the drama where he talked about how he wanted to be with Lily and not her and it made me all fuzzy and warm. I thought he was going to send a patronus to rescue Lily and I was glad my predictions were proved correct.

The little scene between Dumbledore and Sirius was really great. I think it was this line which made the entire scene ĎDumbledore make some sort of tutting, amused response.í I can just imagine him doing it now!

Iím really glad that the last scene was focused on the Death Eaters and Alrekís demise as it acted as a conclusion to the entire Alrek storyline instead of dragging it out. I thought it was interesting that the scene was from Regulusí perspective as it added a certain level of humanity to the Death Eaters and I sort of got the feeling that he was shocked about what had happened, showing how young he really is. It showed in this line Ďboy writhing on the floor, twisting and turning in angles not natural for the human body, was a nameless, faceless creature.í

I just picked up on this tiny line from Alrek ĎďOdd that you are being called the smartest witch in generations. You were stupid enough to fall for every bit of my plan. Both you and Potter.ĒĎ you had changed all of his ws to vs beforehand but you hadnít here, so I thought I should point it out :)

This chapter was amazing, Jami ♥ Sorry if my review feels all over the place Iím not used to reviewing like this! It confused me too much when writing it so I think Iíll go back to rolling reviews :P

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! *Let me pause to copy and paste your review into a separate document.*

Okay, now that that's done! HI!

I'm sort of super pleased that you had to read it all at once and not do a rolling review, haha! That means I did a somewhat decent job of building the suspense!

I absolutely love what you said about her not realizing the gravity of the situation. I think at first when she was ready to fight no matter what, it didn't sink in that he was also ready to kill her no matter what. Aww I'm sorry I made you scared, but still secretly happy, haha!

The picture Lily talks to? Yes :) She uses her half whens he wants to tell James a few chapters back that they won't be in class. But it's a very small mention. I'm so happy you like it!

I'm so excited that you did feel like, for a bit there, Lily had given up. I didn't want to make her too strong, too unstoppable. Because, as amazing as she is, she's still a person and we all have our breaking point.

Yay! I really wanted to make it clear that Violet is just a self centered teenager. Most are at her age. She's not evil, but she doesn't think about her actions and that almost cost someone their life. A pretty big lesson for her to learn!

Oh god, anytime you can imagine Dumbledore doing something I wrote is a huge achievement for me. WHY does the man have to be such a challenge?!

Yes, Alrek served his purpose for this story and walked himself into his own death. I liked giving a conclusion to his storyline as well. He showed Lily and James how vincible they really are, made them understand (or at least voice) their opinions about one another after James thought he'd lost Lily for good, and now it was time to remind the DE that even they aren't beyond Voldemort's punishment.

Ahhh thank you for that correction!

I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and your review doesn't feel all over the place at all! I love reading how the different parts made you feel, and I'd love it even more if i could reach through and hug you!



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Review #16, by Morgana Tales 

8th June 2013:
My goodness, you had to have James be trapped, didn't you? And at first, when Lily heard four paws walk across the room, I thought that it was Sirius' animagus, holding an orange bouncy ball. That would have been cute. Well, for people who requested to have Alrek chucked off a tower, you could always have the death eaters toss his corpse off one. You got to please the audience Jamie. :P I heard that you usually post before 11 am, so every five minutes I would check to see if you added a new chapter. Sadly, the moment I noticed the chapter was added, I had to go somewhere, so this is a little late. Keep up the great work, and I am so very excited for the next book.

Love, Morgan

Author's Response: Oh my gosh I didn't even think about that, and that is such a cute idea, haha!

Hahah Morgan I KILLED HIM! Isn't that pleasing enough :P? No, but really, he was always going to die. I love the purpose he served, to show the seriousness of it all, to be another reminder to Lily and James of their mortality, and then a reminder to he DE that their Mark's don't make them invincible. They can be killed just as easily as a muggle born.

I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and I got a bit behind on updating this weekend. I actually rewrote one of the scenes, so that took up a good portion of my morning ;)!

Thank you again so much for another amazing review! Can't wait to see you Saturday!

♥ Jami


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