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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm 

11th January 2014:
Hi Grace, here for your first of six reviews!

Ah, this was such a great first chapter and so funny too! I really loved your characterisation of Lily as a Muggle nut (have you done a one-shot of her like that before or was that someone else?) as it was so much fun and I really wanted to hug her for being so cute and nerdy like that. I think some of my favourite parts were the ones when they mentioned how she got a laptop and couldnít get out of her room due to surfing the web and how she spoke the muggle teenager lingo as that made me laugh a lot.

I loved all the mentions to the other relatives too such as Arthur loving that someone was taking after her in that respect and then how Harry refused to give her anything muggle for fear of never seeing his daughter again. All those cutesy family things really made me aw about how cute they all were and made me want to join in with the Weasley family banter.

The narration was really great with the great comedy air that you have a lot. I really liked the use of third person too because it meant we got the outside view of how wacky Lily really is. I think you may have slipped into first towards the end so you may want to review that but other than that it was off to a great start!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Gurl, what up!?

(Was that a little too much?)

I'm so glad that this caught your eye because this is one of my favourite things that I've written so far simply because I'm writing muggle nut Lily. I have indeed written a one-shot (two of them in fact) with her just because I couldn't help myself.

I think Arthur would've been very excited to finally have someone in the family that was fascinated with muggles as he was. I can just picture the two of them freaking out over a remote control together and trying to figure out how it worked.

I was originally going to write it in first person point of view but I figured that the story would be a lot funnier if it was told from third person (and apparently it is). will definitely go back and fix those slip ups in the chapter though so thank you for pointing that out.

Thank you so much for your lovely review!


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Review #2, by Illuminate 

9th June 2013:
Hi!

This is a really funny opening chapter! Lily seems like such a fun person xD You really set everything up and set the foundations and characterisations for what could be a hilarious and enjoyable story :)

I think if I could suggest anything it would be to vary your sentence lengths; a lot of your sentences are quite long and if you say them out loud you may find yourself losing your breath xD

All in all, a great opening chapter! Good job!

Author's Response: I'm glad to hear that it was funny as that was what I was aiming for. She certainly does seen like a fun person (whenever I think of her I just think spontaneous and very reckless).

I hope to make the story as hilarious as possible and make people laugh so fingers crossed!

I will definitely keep that in mind about the sentences. It seems to have become something that I accidentally end up doing, I'll make sure to watch out for that.

Thanks for the feedback and the review!


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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven 

9th June 2013:
HELLO FROM REVIEW TAG, ONCE AGAIN!

I just realised how aggressive all of my greetings from review tag sound. That aside, I am looking forward to seeing where all of this goes. I miss reading your stuff.

This was super short, and I think it worked for what I think you were trying to do. It seemed like a short, snappy introduction, to a snappy sort of story, and gave a bit of an insight into the way Lily and her life works.

That being said, I did find it a bit incoherent and jumpy in a few places. This may be because I haven't read the one-shots that accompany this, so I was a bit lost.

Aside from the choppy flow, though, I think this holds a lot of potential for some fluffy and crazy shenanigans and capers. I can already tell that Rose is going to have the worst time out of the lot!

Author's Response: Personally I think your greetings are cheerful and hyper which in turn makes me cheerful an hyper. Skfnekneksjfn are the only words that I can say to describe how flattered I am.

I didn't know how to start the story originally but I knew that I definitely didn't want to jump right into the action so I ended up with something that was more like a prologue.

I'll have to see if I can fix the choppy flow. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the other one-shots. I don't think it's absolutely necessary to read them in order to understand the story.

Thanks for the helpful feedback!


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Review #4, by SunnyWitch 

26th May 2013:
This I love. Yoda speak I do. (Ha, ignore that, but I do love this!)
Your characterisations were excellent. I'd never seen a story that displays Lily as taking after Arthur Weasley before, and this made me smile. I could really picture Lily, holed up in her room, breaking everything Muggle (how would she go with a pen, I wonder?).
Really interested as to how this pans out! Sounds interesting so far, keep up the good work!
Cheers, SW.

Author's Response: Glad you love it I am :D

There are very few stories displaying Lily as a little quirky and like Arthur. I just figured that as the youngest sibling she'd be with her grandparents a lot and she'd probably love to hang out with Arthur more than Molly because Arthur is more easy going.

Knowing Lily, she'd probably sit staring at it for hours and then break it apart completely and see if she could put it back together without any help.

Thanks so much for the positive review and I'm glad that you enjoyed the story!


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