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14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
Why couldn't Bellatrix just be killed? I mean the way she dies is epic but uh, I hate her. I really do!

That was intense but see I have this inkling feeling the Potter's won't be around much longer. J, why are you doing this to me? I could be wrong. They could die from old age and all the curses that hit them but I don't think so. It's going to be devastating. Really. I felt myself starting to tear up at this chapter.

Especially because and I know this is a small thing but Peter. You make Peter a human here which I appreciate because he was strong, he was part of the pact, but then he wanted something more once they left Hogwarts. I wonder how you'll transition into that because I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that before. He's either omitted from the story or clumsy as heck or Sirius and James are beyond rude to him you can't blame him in other stories for joining the Dark Lord.

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Review #2, by Snuffles 

1st January 2015:
Oh god, oh god, oh god. When Olivia talks about "her boys" and "her sons" I just lost it. Nearly cried. It just makes me so happy whenever I read about Sirius being welcomed into their home as a second son, especially with this war going on. Shows that even in times of war, there are still good people out there.

And dang, all the Jily moments in this story are fabulous. This is possibly one of the best developments of Lily and James' friendship-to-relationship that I've yet seen. Seeing James so caring and compassionate, sensitive to her wants and needs, and always just there for her, it just makes me all warm and tingly and I really want to go looking for a James of my own, honestly. They're just so real. Earlier, you acknowledged Lily's problems with James, but we also saw his development, not to mention that there was a lot more to him in the first place that Lily never seemed to see.

And of course, every scene with Bellatrix or any of the death eaters is also excellent. You somehow seem to have given them a sort of humanity. I've often felt that the villains of Harry Potter are so wonderful in that, in some strange, twisted sense, you can feel for them. Bellatrix is the epitome of senseless evil, and yet, to see her groveling at the feet of the Dark Lord, to see her unending devotion and ceaseless desire to please him, we begin to feel sorry for her. She just wants to do what she feels is the proper thing to do (I won't say "right", because I believe even Bellatrix acknowledges the evilness of her acts). She truly believes this is the way that the world ought to be run, and that what she's doing is justified. And so I feel sorry for her.

Lastly, Regulus. Damn. I see glimmers of Sirius in him, albiet a more cowardly, selfish version of Sirius. He appears to have the most developed conscience of any of the death eaters, despite being the youngest, and I like he simply lacked the backbone, nerve, and true moral stamina that Sirius possessed that enabled him to walk out of his family. Regulus accepted and believed everything his parents force-fed him, but I can't help but think (as we do know from DH), that he's got a little bit of doubt about the whole thing. Wondering if, perhaps, Sirius does have the right idea. Anyway, this continues to be excellent and I can't wait to see where it goes next.

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Review #3, by nott theodore 

12th July 2014:
Hi again, Jami!

Ah, I really loved the way that you worked this into the story already! I know that there's not that much to go off when you're writing Marauders era stories but the fact that you worked in every single bit of information that does exist about them just makes this story even better. I think it's great for us to see the 'first defy' here and the fact that they've managed to survive an encounter - though it wasn't as easy as the prophecy made it sound, necessarily!

That scene with Dumbledore was so well written. Seriously, how do you do it? He's such a hard character to write and I can never manage it, so I'm impressed by everyone who can, like you!

One thing I absolutely loved about this chapter (although it also made me really sad) was the fact that you reminded us that all of these characters are still children. They're going through a war and being forced to grow up too quickly, but at heart, they're still in school - I think the line about Regulus and the broom was the best example of that. It's just so sad!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #4, by Kay_Black 

3rd October 2013:
"Tomorrow was Christmas Eve after all, and he had his heart set on a new racing broom."
That broke my heart. In such a simple way you've reminded everyone that Regulus is just a child. I've alwys felt sad about Regulus but now I'm heart broken for him.
Your story is amazing. I'm completely obsessed! It's the perfect pace, perfect plot, perfect writing. It's just perfect, you're wonderful at this.

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Review #5, by Prongs05JP 

20th August 2013:
So I've been away from reading James/Lily fanfiction for a while, a good year or two really, and this is pretty much the first one I've read in a while - and I have to say I'm totally astounded. By this whole fic, the writing, the characterizations; you have an incredible amount of talent and an amazing grasp on the Marauders and this whole era. I was planning on doing what I normally do, which is read all that's available and then leave a long review at the end, but I just had to drop a comment right now because the last sentence of this chapter really captured me. I mean, it looks simple and it is, and I have no idea if you intended it to have any deeper meaning, but I really read into it.
It just really sums up for me the whole attitude of all of them - the Gryffindors and the Slyherins alike, playing adult and getting involved in either side of the war when really, deep down, they are still just children. "But, for now, they weren't members of this war. They were all just her children." - exactly like Olivia thought. James and Lily can fight and curse but they're still just seventh years. Regulus can march around and try and control events to work in Voldemort's favour, but he's still just as much a child as the rest of them and the fact that he has his heart set on a racing broom and can still consider that a priority in his life is a huge testament to that; all the growing up they've still got to do.
I could honestly go on forEVER about the connotations of it and turn this into an English essay, and I can't say that happens everyday when reading fanfiction, haha! I don't know, this whole chapter really got to me in such a firstwizardingwarfeels way and I wanted to let you know that it's just SO superb.
I look forward to reading the rest, and good job! :)

Author's Response: Hi there :)!! Sorry for how long this response has taken, but I've been on vacation visiting family :)!

One of the main reasons I chose Regulus for this last section was, because like you said, they're still all children. Both sides, good and bad, involve people too young that should never had to make the decisions that they'll make. I'm really excited you read into that last sentence, and it makes me so happy that you're picking up on the things that most people don't! I don't always have any deeper meaning in some stuff, but that was one of the parts where I actually did!

I'm SO honored that you took the time to stop and review, an can't tell you how happy it makes me that you're picking up on so much of the feelings that I have while writing this. You've put such a huge smile on my face, and I really hope you like the rest of the story!!

Thank you!! ♥ Jami

PS, love your penname :D!


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Review #6, by Courtney Dark 

11th May 2013:
Okay, I have to ask: first thing that shot into my mind when I started reading this chapter was the prediction about Lily and James defying the Dark Lord three times. So I'm guess this was the first defy??

I'm so glad that all of Lily and James' friends were there for them when they woke up, though I didn't expect anything less! I love the way all of their relationships are developing and it makes me even sadder to think that most of these characters end up dead or tortured to the point of insanity (sob - poor Alice and Frank.)

Dumbledore was absolutely perfect in this chapter! Your characterization of him was brilliant and i think the line: 'Lily watched as the professorís eyes searched over them, and part of her was certain he was trying to decide on whether or not the truth was necessary. But they already knew, didnít they?' kinda summed him up perfectly! I loved some of Sirius's comments while in Dumbledore's presence - he was clearly trying hard to hold off on the swearing!

I actually really like that you chose to end this chapter with Regulus's point of view, as we haven't seen a super huge amount of him yet. In away, his point of view was a little creepy, considering how young he really is. And I think the last line: 'Tomorrow was Christmas Eve after all, and he had his heart set on a new racing broom' was absolutely perfect and showed how young Regulus really is.

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Yes! This was their first defy! According to JKR one happened before they were out of Hogwarts. She just didn't want to give our Marauders a break :(.

I'm so happy you like the relationships and friendships and how they're developing. It is so sad that we know how they all end up :(. Should I just go AU and write Voldemort jumping off a cliff or something? :P

Dumbledore is SO HARD to write. I'm so happy you liked it. It means that the billions of hours spent on him were worth it, haha.

I think we needed a step back from Bellatrix, and Regulus felt like a good way to keep it in the Black family ;). He really is so young, isn't he? I wish Sirius would have known what Regulus ended up doing. It would have been interesting to see how he reacted if he knew that his brother wasn't the boy he thought he was. At least not at the end.

On to your next completely amazing review! ♥


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Review #7, by patronus_charm 

2nd April 2013:
The silly prank keeping me away from not knowing what happened to Lily, oh well Iím here now!

I was glad to see that Lily was okay, and even though she was in hospital it seemed as if she was going to recover. But not knowing James straight away made me anxious, and I was so glad that Lily turned to her rebellious side and went to look for him. Even though I know James couldnít have died, as he Harry hadnít even be born yet, I couldnít help but feel worried along with Lily when he was found to be in a dead like state.

Then when Lily started sobbing over James, ah it was horrible to see her like that. Good old Mrs Potter made everything okay again though, and promised that he was a fighter and would recover. I loved the cameo from Dumbledore there, I wasnít expecting him to turn up, yet his appearance was so fitting.

Yay itís okay well for now it is! It was so nice to see that all of her friends had made the effort to come and see her, and the way that they all wanted to see if she was ok, not just Belle, Alice and James. Belleís determined streak came out again with her having a got at the healer for wanting her to talk about what happened, it was so typical of her to stick up for Lily and make them realise things they were missing.

I thought the healer scene was great, though Iím no medical expert it all seemed pretty accurate to me. It was strange to see muggle medical terminology mixed into it, but it made it more accurate by doing so. The only other time Iíve seen it done is The Art of Breathing, and it worked really well there too. I canít wait to see more of this when Lilyís a healer.

The way James just threw a ton of questions at Dumbledore reminded me of Harry and when he questioned him! Yay the cat is saved though, I forgot about Butterscotch but Iím glad to see that she wasnít killed. Jamesí reaction to not knowing who apparated them there reminded me of Harry again, with the anger about not knowing, and the calm when he realises itís for the best that he doesnít know.

I liked the serious adult conversation, it just showed how seriously theyíre taking what happened. You can see how Olivia and William were Gryffindors. I think it was the bit about William wondering whether he should have a more active part in the Order, it made me smile as I know theyíre older than most of the members, yet they still want to help. Then Olivia thanking Dumbledore at the end was great too, it was just such a sincere moment.

I thought it was good that you showed Regulusí perspective of the aftermath rather than Bellatrixís. It was nice to get a more sane version of the Death Eater side, and see what repercussions Bellatrix was facing for letting them escape. I never thought about her getting tortured by Voldemort, but it was interesting to see that she wasnít always held so highly by him, and that she had fallen too. I almost forgot about Alrek in the drama of all of this, so it was nice to have a mention of him again.

Another excellent chapter Jami, and only one more to read and then Iíve finally caught up :D

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Kiana! I just responded to this review! What the heck! I must've hit cancel or something after I previewed. Rawr. Well, here we are for take two ;P. Your reviews are so lovely though, I can't say that I mind having a reason to read them again!

I LOVE combining medical and magical. It's one of my favorite things to slip in, I think. As much as I love all the cool things we see in the HP series, I do wish JKR would have done this a bit more. Though she did try and give Arthur stitches, so that's a plus :P. Despite these being magical, they're still human. If they fall in the right way and snap their neck, that's it. Just like if they get hit hard enough in the chest, it will cause internal bleeding and that's going to put too much pressure on the lung to handle. Going into that sort of thing, magic causing injuries but them still being injured the same way as a muggle, and sometimes that magic being able to fix it and other times not, is just something that I really enjoy. And now I feel like I've written an incredibly rambley paragraph :P haha. My fiance is in his last year of Med School right now though, so I always read back what I have to him to check for it's medical accuracy :P!

I'm so happy you liked James's attitude with the questions and getting all worked up. I thought of Harry a bit while writing that too :D!

Dumbledore will always be a huge challenge for me, so the fact that you like him makes me just want to attack you with hugs. In fact, I'm going to do just that!

ATTACK! See, look at all those hugs! :P

You're so right about what you said with Regulus!! I didn't realize that at the time, but that's exactly it! I needed to give a more sane perspective of what happened, and our poor Bella just doesn't do 'sane' well, haha!

Kiana your reviews have been such amazing treats. I still get terrified that people only review my story to be nice, and each time I read a review of yours this small part of my head goes, 'You know, I think she actually does like this story!' and then I'm on cloud nine for at least a day!

Thank you so much for stopping by ♥


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Review #8, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

23rd March 2013:
So I was going to apologize for not getting to this yesterday like I wanted to, but then you snuck in a new chapter a day early so I'm feeling a lot less guilty :P

I really liked this opening scene. It served as a perfect transition. It isn't really important for us the reader to see what happened right after the attack. We only care about if everyone is okay. This was a great way to keep pushing the story forward. And I really liked that you saved more of the details of the attack and the injuries for the second scene. Just like we want to know if the characters are okay, Lily's top priority is finding out if James is safe (totally adorable!). Everything else can wait until after that.

Speaking of the injuries... I thought you did a great job handling all the medical details here. That's definitely been a running theme throughout the story -- blending muggle science with the wizarding world. Human anatomy is human anatomy, right? And in light of Lily's desire to be a healer one day, it makes sense that, especially when you're writing in her POV, that those sorts of details would stand out to her/would be something she'd want to know.

Only one small detail in the healer scene stood out to me as a little off. The healer doesn't show any hesitation about sharing all these medical details in front of a room full of people. In a muggle setting, a doctor wouldn't usually do that, at least not without the healer's express permission. Same with sharing the details of James's injuries. I wouldn't normally bring up such a small detail, especially since not everything in the wizarding world is the same is in the muggle world, but since you've clearly done so much to meld the two together, I thought it might be something you'd want to consider. Maybe having the healer hesitate to elaborate until Lily gives her the go ahead...

The Potter's stance makes total sense. Of course they want to protect their son and all this friends, but they are old enough to know their own limitations. If they aren't physically able to fight, they may do more harm than good getting involved in other ways. I don't know if this played at all into the way you wrote the scene, but it really serves as a great hint that the "old regime" is over. Dumbledore shares a lot more with the kids than he does with the parents. It's a real passing of the torch.

I thought you choice to go to Regulus instead of Bella was absolutely perfect! You're right, it would have felt way too much like a repeat of the previous chapter. Besides, her viewpoint is biased. Regulus is a great narrator for filling the reader on what's really happening. But you did it in a way that still made the scene about him. He wasn't just a front for you author giving the reader the info they needed. And yes, to hit on your AoC, it definitely feels like this is only a minor set-back in the grand scheme of the war. We know from what Regulus heard of her mumblings, James and the gang are far from safe. I am curious if you'll address why Bella didn't immediately take James and Lily off-site of the hotel. Unless that was addressed in the previous chapter when Bella is discussing the plan. But I remember wondering that during the attack itself.

Last point from your AoC. IMHO, you've really hit a great rhythm with your descriptions. I think descriptions tend to decrease in frequency as stories continue, once they've been used to set the mood and tone, but I also think you've come a long way since those early chapters in narrowing down what's important to tell. For example, you hardly described Lily's hospital room at all in the opening scene. This was a smart choice. We all know what a hospital room looks like. Even if the ones in the wizarding world are totally different, it really doesn't matter. As a reader, I can do all the work myself. Same in the following scene. I know I mentioned in previous reviews about the "positioning of character." There were a lot of characters in this scene, but their locations remained relatively vague -- which was totally appropriate. And if they *were* mentioned, it was done so casually, as part of the scene -- as opposed to having to set the whole scene first before getting "down to business."

On a technical note, there are still a few of those unneeded commas. I didn't post them all, but here are a few:

-- She made the mistake of glancing in the bathroom mirror as she walked past, and was half terrified of her own reflection.

-- She reached for his hand, and found a small amount of comfort in the fact that it was warm.

-- Lily felt James's hand slip into hers, and squeezed it tightly as the healer cleared her throat and continued.

On the last one, it isn't really clear which one of them is squeezing the other's hand. And the rest is just typos.

-- She bit down on to her lip, ignoring the exhausting, and kept going. (exhaustion?)

-- Her fingers shook she pulled back the sheet on the bed and climbed in... (shook as she)

-- Don't leave me James (comma after me)

-- ... Professor Dumbledore greeted, nodded somberly at her. (nodding)

-- She dropped off those for both of you both (pick one both; either is fine)

-- But even with that, the injures were severe. (injuries)

-- However, the second wasn't working quickly enough, and a Muggle medical specialists was called in. (specialist)

-- She supposed the man probably wasn't often surrounded in a bunch as demanding as hers (surrounded by a)

-- They're strong and capable, and all we can do now is give them every ounce of knowledge we posses to keep them safe / Olivia knew it was silly, but she felt a small pang of jealousy for the kind of vigor he seemed to posses. (possess, not posses)

-- He would let all that drown from him (drain?)

Author's Response: Becky! I've eaten an M&M, so I might make a little more sense now. We'll see if that chocolate got my brain working at all...

I'm happy you agreed with my decision of getting us to the aftermath. I'm working on picking what's important to see and what isn't, because we're too close to 200,000 words for me not to start wrapping this up in the next ten chapters or so, haha! Actually by my outline's calculation, we have 13 left of this book. Then book two starts after graduation. And, um, I have no idea why we're on this subject. Stupid chocolate.

You know what's funny? I had the Healer asking pretty discreetly if either of them minded discussing this in front of anyone else, then for some reason I thought it was unnecessary. I'll definitely edit it back in since it stood out to you. Thank you ♥

Oh I'm so happy the Potter's stance makes sense! That's what I've been worrying about most lately. That's really what I was trying to show. This is some of the first steps into the younger ones getting involved, and Dumbledore treating them more as adults than ever before. Though that doesn't mean they'll all want to be apart of it at first... Hehe.

Regulus ended up really being a lot of fun to write in this. OH YES! Here it is! I knew you asked about why Bella didn't take them away immediately!

Okay, I'm unsure if this will ever come out in the story. But the conversation between Voldemort and Bellatrix about what to do when she had them was basically to get them, and convince James, maybe Lily. They're no good to him as prisoners or anything to get information out of. He wants James on his side, or he wants him dead. But on his side is better. So her job was to bring James, ready to receive a mark, to him. And of course she'd already decided to kill Lily just because she loves the power. I'm not sure if that makes sense outside of my head, though... if it doesn't would you mind PMing me and telling me? And I'll try and play with it in the story to make it make sense?

Ahh I really work on not positioning my characters now!! I'm so happy that's showing! Thank you so much again for all your amazing feedback. I'm going to need to find the perfect chapter to dedicate to you in this story...

Thanks again, Becky ♥


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Review #9, by A Please Reader 

20th March 2013:
I would just like to say that I've read alot of stories on this website and there have been very few that I really like. This story is beautifully and professionally written. Each of the characters have such depth and the story just captivates. It may not be done yet, but it is one of the best I've ever read.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for this awesome review! It was so sweet if you to leave it, and I can't tell you how happy it made me. I'm so excited you're enjoying the story, and hope you continue to like it along the way ♥ I update every Saturday :)

Thank you again for your kind words!
Jami


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Review #10, by lilylunalover 

18th March 2013:
Hey.
I just realized something: this encounter was the first of three - remember?
So you can incorporate that.

Author's Response: Hi my dear! Yes, this encounter was the first defy out of there 'thrice defied' prophecy :)! The other two will be incorporated, but not until the next book. And of course they don't know they will twice more defy the Dark Lord. I'm happy you picked up on this being the first from their three :)!!

♥ Jami


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Review #11, by CambAngst 

17th March 2013:
Hello, there! First off, congratulations on surpassing the 150,000 word mark! Way back when I first started reading this story, I really hoped that you were in it for the long haul, because there's so much story to tell. I'm really, really happy that you've taken it so far with no signs of slowing down yet!

Poor Lily! She's hurt so bad, but she can't let herself rest until she knows that James is alright. I love the strength you've given her character in this story. Surviving an encounter with Bellatrix is a big enough accomplishment, but even then she's concerned with his heath and safety. So easy to see her as the woman who refused to step aside so that Voldemort could kill Harry.

"Yes, darling. He'll be okay. Trust me, I didn't raise my boy to give up without a fight. He's strong." - I love these two! I seriously wish they could adopt me. So what if I'm married and have kids?

And she wakes up and the gang's all here! In your world, I really wouldn't expect anything less, but it's still awesome to see all of their friends rallying around them at a time like this.

"Zat 'ardly seems necessary. Sheís been zrough enough without 'aving to discuss it," Belle interjected cooly. - Ooh! So protective, too! I love the concern that comes from all of their friends, but also the unconditional support and the intense curiosity about exactly what happened. This isn't just about James and Lily anymore, it's become an attack on the entire group. And I can't imagine James and Lily would have it any other way!

The way you fearlessly mix magical and muggle elements in your explanations of biological phenomena is something that I wish more authors would take to heart. It's so easy to lose sight of the fact that witches and wizards are still human beings, with the same physiology as muggles. Not every injury caused by magic is inherently "magical". Blunt force trauma is blunt force trauma, whether it's caused by magic or a car accident. It's going to cause broken bones and internal bleeding, and those need to be treated.

Ha! They just pelt Dumbledore with questions! I love the gradual transition you can see in the relationship between these characters and their headmaster. They're not a bunch of impressionable First Years any more, and Dumbledore affords them the dignity of treating them more or less like adults. But at the same time, he still values the small amount of childhood they have left, probably more than they value it, themselves. This line sort of said it all:

Lily watched as the professor's eyes searched over them, and part of her was certain he was trying to decide on whether or not the truth was necessary."

The parting conversation between Dumbledore and the Potters only served to reinforce how deeply all three of them care about James, Lily and their friends, if in subtly different ways. I loved Olivia's thoughts on how she'd like to watch Bellatrix rot in Azkaban. It's sad that she never got the chance. The way that William refers to "our boys," as though Sirius -- and possibly Peter and Remus -- are no different from his own son in their eyes was touching. And it was a really nice touch when Olivia manages to get a blush out of Dumbledore at the end!

Regulus was an interesting choice for the narrative voice in the final section. It's definitely consistent with the principle of "pick the character who knows the least or has the most to lose." The other character whose point of view we're familiar with, Bellatrix, already knows everything that's happened and she's already lost. It was chilling to see her reaction through Regulus's eyes. Her unflinching commitment to control and the way that she steels herself with her desire for vengeance just added a bit more to the incredible mystique you've built up around her. At the same time, I think I can already see the seeds of Regulus's ultimate betrayal germinating in his thoughts. He really doesn't like all the torture and killing that he sees going on around him. It's rather obvious that he was marked because of who his parents are, not because of his single-minded devotion to the cause. He likes his creature comforts -- a hot meal and a warm bed -- a little too much. Quite the contrast to his cousin Bellatrix and her relentless subjugation of her own physical wants and needs.

Let's see, what else? I loved the concept of the First Five. It goes perfectly with Voldemort's infatuation with ranking and positioning his minions. You even got the tricky little subtlety of Nott's suffix! He's the only one aside from Dolohov who didn't have a son in Regulus's generation.

OK, so I do take back the part where I called you a monster after the last chapter. You brought all of our favorites back strong in this one. Great job!

Author's Response: Finally here to respond to your always amazing reviews &heats;

I can't believe how long this story is getting. It's actually kind of hard to believe. I remember wondering the same thing when I first started. Like. am I really going to do this? Sure, I wrote a few chapters, but will I actually keep writing? I think what's really gotten me motivated is how much into the story we're getting. I'm not setting things up anymore like I was for those first five or so chapters, I'm just letting them play out. And I became so determined not to let the TA status slow me down like it seems to do... setting a weekly updated schedule was really the most productive thing I think I could've done for this story. Oh, you don't like getting chapters on Friday and having less then a day to edit them?? ooops. Have I told you that I wub you lately? :P

I know this makes no sense so far. It's Ben's family's fault. Sorry, back on track.

Hahah Dan, the Potters can not adopt you! They have their hands full, you know.

I always get so annoyed when it seems like a wizard never hurts themselves a normal way. It's not always weird spell burns or animal bites. Like you said, blunt force trauma is just that. No matter what. I try and keep it magical enough by mainly using their remedies to cure things, but I do love getting to play with the medical side.

The 'pick a character who knows the least or has the most to lose' is exactly what I thought of in this. Bellatrix has the most to lose, but like you said she's already seen everything and doing another 'Bellatrix getting in trouble' section would just feel too repetitive. And Regulus has been wanting to play ever since his face time in the shrieking shack.

Yay I'm not monster anymore! Don't worry, as you know there will be plenty of other times to call me that :P

Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews, Dan ♥ and all your help making these chapters get to the point they are ♥


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Review #12, by MissMdsty 

17th March 2013:
So the laundry is done and needs to be hanged to dry, but I'm not doing that cause I'm reading and reviewing. Oh, and as a side note because I've been lurking around HPPC and listened to "Casualties of War" again. If I ever find you under my bed and you're using the tone you used in the "Peter" part, I'm going to be scarred for life.

Back to BTF.

I was so relieved that you took us to the hospital and we saw the end of that horrible chapter! I loved the beginning with Lily. You could feel her struggle to get to James, how she willed her body to go find him and wouldn't give up. Maybe they're close to the "I love yous"? I'm not holding my breath so take your time!

Dumbledore was brilliant in this. It's like he came from the pages of the books and landed here. He was so in-character, I'm blown away. I haven't had this feeling about one of your characters since you introduced Mad-Eye!

I became very worried for Olivia and William, since you've mentioned their age catching up to them and I don't think the group could handle a loss like this right now! Take care of them! Pretty please!

Favorite quote this chapter: "But, for now, they werenít members of this war. They were all just her children." It's so... fitting. It sums up the whole tragedy of what just happened, which you called "The First Defy" and the title was just perfect! They're children with bounties on their heads (something else Harry inherited from Mum and Dad, beside the eyes and the hair?) and nobody can protect them as well as they would've liked.

Regulus in the end of this chapter was a nice touch. There's a story there and I'm sure you're already three steps ahead of me and know his story while I type this. Like Sirius, he is a lost and endangered child. The main difference between the brothers is that Sirius is in danger because he went against his family while Regulus is in danger because he is the favorite son and has to do what the family wants. And the thing that makes Regulus a risk more than Sirius is that Sirius has some "street smarts" so to say, while Regulus is simply a child... "he had his heart set on a new racing broom."

Now, I'm worried about next week, because you said no Death Eaters are invited! Buuut, I've read enough of your story and I know they don't need an invitation. Keep in mind that if anything happens on Christmas it will ruin Christmas for me forever, like Halloween is already ruined. *insert cute adorable face*

Anyway, I think I can hear my clothes scratching at the washing-machine door and yelling "hang us up to dry" so I'm just going to say enjoy your trip, sorry for the wait with the review and good job! This chapter was awesome! But you knew that already! You're always awesome! :)

Author's Response: Hahah it seems that the tone I used for Peter's part of Causalities of War scared people a bit... mwahaha!

Eeeek I want them to be close to the I Love You's!! You know how these two work though, always doing things at inconvenient times and being difficult when i try and get them to do what I want. They're pretty much naughty children. :P

I'm so happy you liked my Dumbledore in this! Dan helped offer really good feedback for a few of his lines, too. How sad is it that it takes two authors to get even one Dumbledore line right? The man is a nightmare, haha.

I promise that Olivia and William are sticking around for quite a bit longer. I am adamant about them seeing the birth of their grandchild!

I never thought about Harry inheriting a bounty on his just like his parents, but that's so true! Voldemort really needs to just go ahead and get out of my story, doesn't he?

Now that you've read the next chapter, you know that I was a nice girl and did not invite any death eaters! I would not let those naughty people show up on Christmas! Writing that chapter made me want it to be Christmas so badly, though! Haha!

Thank you so much for all your incredible reviews ♥ Replying to this has made my mood so much happier ♥



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Review #13, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

16th March 2013:
Yay it's Saturday!! I get my weekly fix of Before They Fall goodness. Jami, this chapter is just really great.

I'm so happy you didn't beat about the bush in telling us they were okay. Obviously they had to be alive as they still have to escape Voldemort twice more. I still have my fingers crossed for a third time, no matter how unlikely it's going to be.

Oh Lily, even as weak as she was she couldn't keep herself away from James. 'That meant he couldn't die, didn't it? People always looked peaceful when they died.' I think that line just held so much emotion. It shows how worried Lily is about him. Gah the two of them are in such an amazing place right now. It's making me so happy to read.

Olivia and William. Every chapter I read with them in I love so much. They are so perfectly characterised. Olivia's mothering over Lily just makes me so happy to see - her later lines about her son having found someone as lovely as Lily too just made me fill up with happy squees. They are just amazing people and amazing parents. The concern they have for both Lily and James is so apparent in all their actions. Even to the point where they offer to do more to help with the Order, even though they realistically can't. I love how James was really protective over the two of them too - not wanting them to know that Bellatrix was actually after them, although I'd guess they'd probably work it out themselves.

Gah - the more I read this story the more sad I get - I know Olivia and William will die before the end and it makes me so sad. I think in a way thinking about Olivia, William and Belle in particular is worse. As much as I hate and dread what happens to Lily, James, Alice and Frank I at least know and can prepare myself. I have no idea what kind of things you have in store where the others are concerned and I can imagine I'll be an emotional wreck by the end.

The level of detail you put in to all these explanations is unreal. Especially with the spells and potions; this isn't the first time you've done it either. Are you a nurse or do you just google everything or something? It makes the story so believeable and interesting though - I really enjoy it!

You write Dumbledore so well - I think I've told you that before too but if not, you do. I can't imagine that he's easy to write in the slightest but you make him really natural and really similar to the Dumbledore we know in the books. He's really great to read.

I know you said you'd planned to go into Bella's POV but I seriously enjoyed Regulus's. I think he's a fascinating character, especially as we know he's going to help bring the Dark Lord down. I think even here we can see his reluctance to all that happens. He's clearly not into it as much as his cousin but he can also see that he needs to stay in the dark lords favour otherwise be punished. I think he can also see how disposable each one of the followers really is. It's just really good to read as you can see where everythings leading too.

Couple of typos for you:

'She wanted to stay away, to stare at James ' I think you mean awake not away?

'I am to have the honor of calling you call my students' I think you mean all not call?

' seven six years older than William' do you mean either just six or just seven or six/seven? It didn't quite make sense to me the way you wrote it.

Amazingly good chapter as always and now I'm so excited for the next as it's christmas with the Potters!! Yay yay yay!

Lauren :D

Author's Response: Hi darling!!

I definitely didn't want to drag on letting everyone know how the gang is. Like you said, we know they're alive, so it was more about figuring out how I wanted to tell that than anything.

They really are in an amazing place, aren't they? Gah... you're filling my with Jily fuzzies. Why do these two have to be so incredible?? I just want them to stay happy and in love forever.

I think getting to create James's parents has been one of my favorite things. I've always had a strong idea of what they'd be, because of how they are in my head. Getting to put that idea out there and show people the parents that I think he had is really an awesome experience

Ohh I don't want you to be worried about my characters! but I know what you mean. You can be prepared for knowing when and how the rest of the group... you know. But not what will end up of Belle (Maybe she'll get back with Christophe? JK)! or Olivia and William. I can't even tell you how happy it makes me that you care enough about them to worry *wub face*.

Dumbledore is SO hard, and my beta is always a lot of help with him. It' just getting those tricky little sentences and how he says them to cooperate. He's actually gotten a bit easier as I've written him more, though.

Yay you enjoyed Regulus!! I agree about him being a fascinating character. He joins Voldemort for a reason then let's himself get killed to do something to stop him. I don't think even he understood the sort of darkness he was getting involved with.

Editing in the typos right now! Thank you!


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Review #14, by ValWitch21 

16th March 2013:
Lily has the same blood type as me, yay! That random fact apart, thank you for reassuring us immediately about her -- more or less.

That meant he couldn't die, didn't it? People always looked peaceful when they died.

Such a perfect quote, and it says so much about how Lily has evolved in her attitude to James and I just. Ugh.

Oh, Olivia. You know how much I love her, and seeing her be so motherly with Lily just increased my appreciation for her.

And aww, all the others are here too! You manage to write such wide casts of characters in the same time and you do it so well. Remus is adorable (I've discovered a new love for Remus these days, if ever). PEANUT BUTTER SNITCHES!

Haha, Sirius is snapping about his family Ė I shouldn't find it funny, but I do.

Okay. I know the discussion between Dumbledore and the Potters is not a happy one, but I ship Willivia A LOT. Would you consider writing a one-shot based on them? Because if you do, I will read it.

Minerva has been waiting anxiously at the school to hear news from me. She'll be more than a bit relieved to know all of her Gryffindors are safe and whole. &hearts

I won't even attempt to say how much I liked Regulus' point of view. So, even he's afraid of Bellatrix? I like his take on Alrek and the way he realises all the Death Eaters are pawns in Voldemort's eyes, easily disposable.

Brilliant chapter again darling, I'll wait for next one even if it is a little late! &hearts

Author's Response: Hi lovies! Sorry for taking ages to respond! I'm here though, yay! Well, yay for me because I get to read your amazing review again.

Haha you O+, you! You can donate to just about anyone. You better stay clear of vampires :P

I'm so happy you liked that line. It was one that, after writing it, I sort of went, "Hey, I like that." haha.

Hearing you say that I manage the wide cast well makes me so happy, because that's what I really struggle with the most. Everyone won't always have an equal amount of face time, but I also don't want anyone to blend away or anything. They're all part of one another, and that's important to me to show.

PEANUT BUTTER SNITCHES. Those sound so delicious, don't they?!

I would absolutely consider a one shot for William and Olivia! PM me if you have anything specific you'd like to see!

Yes! Even Regulus is afraid of Bellatrix. I'm really happy you picked up on that, btw. Thank you so much for this review! And I hope you like the new chapter! It's a much happier one :wub:

Jami


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