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13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
Oh, woah, woah! Belle is opening up to the idea of her and Sirius. Well, well, well that's saucy.

I love the Potters and strong fiery Alice and James and Lily together. Sorry this review is so short. It's hard tapping away on my phone and I secretly want to finish reading this entire story today.

My name is Deeds and I'm addicted to Before They Fall.

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Review #2, by siriuslycharmed 

14th September 2013:
I've been so engrossed with this story that I almost forgot to leave a review, and here I am already on chapter 20! Your writing style is fantastic. You are so good at giving us all of the background information we need, and I think you hit the characters spot on! James and Sirius are so adorable. I love them to death, and you are doing a great job at keeping them in character. I cannot wait to read on.

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Review #3, by nott theodore 

6th September 2013:
Jami! I hope you didn't think I'd forgotten this story (and I'm now over halfway through - not caught up as much as I'd hoped to be, but it's something)!

Okay, so I think that's the first time I've ever read about a character having a bath in fanfiction! It was a bit weird and creepy, but at the same time it seemed to fit so perfectly with Bellatrix's character, because she is weird and creepy. It was great that you got across her need to be in complete control, and the way that she was testing herself to try and improve and become the best servant she can possibly be for the Dark Lord. The sort of obsession with blood purity (which is obviously her motive for joining the Death Eaters) reminded me of The Steps to Insanity (hint writesomemoreplease hint :P). I was surprised by how much I enjoyed that section!

Sirius coming to Lily with his worries about going to France with Belle was really sweet. It shows that all the friends in the group are getting closer, and it made me smile to see him confiding in her. Lily and Remus have always seemed alike to me as well, so it was nice to see Sirius picking up on that similarity as well.

The background that you've created for Peter was really interesting. I don't think I've ever read a story that really delves into his history before, so it is one of the things I love about your writing (I know I've already said this so I hope you're not getting bored!). The story about his parents actually makes me feel really sorry for him, but it also gives me a bit of an understanding about why he might have done what he did. The way his dad treated him must have made him really insecure and so it's more natural that he'd seek protection, especially when Voldemort threatens him. I'm not any closer to forgiving him for what he did, but I think I can understand a little better.

I loved Alice in this chapter. Her family is quite a realistic middle ground, and her parents fit my image of them because we know that they never had anything to do with Neville as he grew up. They're not like the Blacks but they're not as open as the Potters. Seeing Alice being cheeky with them and deliberately annoying them was great, and it's another glimpse of why she'll make such a brilliant Auror. She's not afraid to even stand up to her parents when she knows they're in the wrong, and that's hard to do.

There were just a few little bits that didn't feel quite right as I was reading this:
"You'll get to know her a bit more at the Christmas feast" - It might just be me, but feast seems to imply something much grander than the warm family dinner I imagine at the Potters
"came the booming voice of Mr. Black himself" - Mr. Black seems so formal that it doesn't really fit with Sirius. Again that's just an opinion, though!
And one typo I spotted:
"her father's pretensions voice" - I think you mean pretentious

Can I just say that I really appreciate the fact that you've mentioned Manchester Piccadilly? It makes me so happy when people put that sort of effort into their stories - just like you always do!

The section with Belle confessing to Alice was great as well. Her nerves were written in a very believable and touching way, and I hope that she'll manage to stay strong and not give in to her parents if they try and manipulate her again. At least she's got Sirius with her - and she's finally admitting her feelings for him, which is so exciting!

I'm so excited to know what's going to happen next when James and Lily meet Petunia and Vernon, and Sirius and Belle go off to France!

Sian :)

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Review #4, by Courtney Dark 

11th May 2013:
Aaaah, amazing chapter!

The Bellatrix bath scene: I approve! Not that you need my approval obviously, I just felt like slipping that in there. I don't think I've actually ever read a bath scene in fanfiction so it was a very unusual (and creepy) experience. You write Bellatrix so well in all her insanity and creepiness. I loved the fact that she had to be in control, that she was testing herself by burning herself on hot water, staying under water for as long as possible. Give me your villain writing talent!

I loved loved LOVED the scene between Lily and Sirius! I don't why but the whole time I was reading it I just kept think of how Sirius got falsely accused of the murder of Lily and James and of all those years he had to spend in Azkaban and I just wanted to bawl my eyes out! And then you mentioned Peter's crappy dad and I felt even worse! In the best possible way!

Love the little scene between Sirius and James and James' parents (who are the best, by the way). I love (overkill of that word, I know) how easily Sirius is able to fit in and how Olivia and William see him as a second son.

I also enjoyed the scenes at Alice's house. It was definitely interesting, to say the least, to get a little glimpse into her life. Her parents seem like very stuffy people - it's a wonder Alice turned out so normal!

I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter - luckily I don't have to look forward for very long because I am going to read it right now!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: I don't think I realized how odd writing her in the bath was until after I wrote it, haha. But I really liked the idea of her testing her own control though, even somewhere that most people feel relaxed. Poor crazy Bellatrix :P

Hahah I'm so happy you like how I write the baddies! It's definitely got to be a bit of an addiction.

I knowww isn't it so sad to think how someone who loved his friends so much, and cared so much had to pay for their death? Bah now I'm getting all sad!

When I first started this I had a hard time trying to figure out what to do with Alice's parents. We know they aren't involved in Neville's life at all, so something happened with them. I didn't want to kill them because we already had to say goodbye to Lily's parents, and eventually James's ;(. So that's kind of the base of their characterization. Their not bad people, just very engrossed in their own lives.

Can I just say how shocked I am that you're still reading this? I wish I could reach through my computer and hug you!


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Review #5, by patronus_charm 

25th March 2013:
Hahaha I just read one of your review responses, you were right about Jilly being my favourite paring ;D

Wow you managed to make a character have a bath! Like I said in the last review they seem to lose their pets and you made them have them, you did the same thing with them having a bath! That never happens, and I think it must be the first time I’ve seen someone have one! I liked how you drew upon how much Bellatrix liked to be in control. I always thought she seemed like that, and it was interesting to see how much she thought she put into perfecting that. It was also relevant in the how way she talked about controlling the blood status of the pupils of Hogwarts, so it was nice to see how it all tied in together.

I thought Lily was going to be the adventurous one then, and she was going to sneak off and visit James, but then Sirius come knocking, that was a surprise. It did seem out of character for Sirius to be up early, but with the whole thing with Belle, it was no wonder he would be up early worrying about it. I always thought that Lily and Remus were alike too; I guess you always need that wise all-knowing friend.

Even though it obviously wasn’t nice for Peter, I liked how you made his parents be divorced and for his dad to be not particularly nice. His actions make more sense that way, if there was always that feeling of insecurity, then he would go to Voldemort because that would be secure, as he would get protection no matter how the war ended. Even though it was an awful thing to do, it makes more sense when you add a backstory to it, so it was great that you did.

I see what you mean about Alice’s being the middle ground between the Potters and the Blacks. I thought it was really sweet that Alice cared about how much work the house elf did, as that just seemed so like her, and that she would go out of her way to help others. Then the way her mother and father reacted! Even though I was shocked by the cheeky Alice like Belle was, I rather liked the change, as it showed how she was brave enough to argue with her.

I really liked that little scene with James and his parents, I agree with Lily you could really see how much they cared for him, and how they wanted him to be safe. I thought it was nice that they were respecting Petunia enough to come by muggle transport and wear muggle attire. Even though she hasn’t treated them well, you could see that they still wanted to please her, and make her day special.

I liked that scene with Alice and Belle. We haven’t seen them interact with one another that much, but this scene was really touching. Belle was so unlike herself with her wondering whether she was doing the right thing, but I suppose that’s only natural. At least Alice was there to pick her up again, and encourage her along. I liked Belle’s reflective thoughts about Alice and Lily, it was nice to see how they became friends, and how much she appreciated it, and the added bonus of getting to know Sirius ;D

Ooh that was an excellent chapter, and I can’t wait to see how Belle deals with it all!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hehe I love finding people who love JamesLily as much as I do ♥

I think I'm sort of stuck on bathrooms scenes with Bellatrix. A while back there was that one where she scratched down the mirror, and then yeah she ended up in the bath in this one :P. While I was writing it I remember thinking something along the lines of, 'is it okay if a characters taking a bath?' because it felt so uncommon haha. But it just worked so perfectly to set her up for the sort of tests to measure her own control. Poor crazy Bella.

I love your thoughts on Peter. I always planned to make his character an involved one, but didn't hash out his back story too much so I always enjoy when little things about him manage to slip themselves in here. I'm really excited, even if neither of us will ever forgive him, it makes you feel a bit more sympathetic toward him ♥

I really had fun writing cheeky Alice! I don't want to make her character seem too constantly sweet, because she's tough enough to become an auror, and this was the perfect spot to show that, when it comes to things she believe in (like fair treatment of elves) she's not going to just hold her tongue.

Thank you so much for another absolutely amazing review, Kiana ♥ I hope you're holiday is amazing so far!!


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Review #6, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

8th March 2013:
Oh, Bellatrix. Why are you so darn creepy?! And of course I liked the scene. I always like all the scenes you write her in. This one in particular had a lovely mix of the physical and the mental. This sort of zoomed-in shot of her in an otherwise private moment is super impactful. And it is so very ironic that she should be so focused on control when we know she ends up being so manic by the end of it all.

I don't think it's odd to ask about the characters at all! This is, after all, a very character-driven story. I feel like you've sort of got two questions rolled into one, so I'll try and hit on them both separately. First, if by "molded into themselves" you mean that each character feels distinct and displays internal consistency throughout the story, then absolutely yes! We've seen each of the main cast in enough different situations now to get a really good feel for who they are as people. Lily changes slightly when she's talking just to Belle or Alice, and again when it's with Remus or Sirius, or of course, with James. And she's always much more formal when adults are in the room. But she's always consistently herself, adapting to her "environment," which is very true to life. The same is true for the rest of the cast too. It's totally clear to me as a reader that you really know your characters inside and out, and that you never manipulate them just to serve some greater purpose to the plot.

Realism is a bit harder to address, but I'll do by best! The characters definitely feel real in that you depict them as having full, realistic lives. I see a lot of stories with school-aged characters who never seem to go to class, have homework, deal with family issues, etc. The characters lack depth, which is definitely not true for your cast. Everyone has a back story. Some characters we know more about than others, but it doesn't feel like any of them cease to exist when they aren't center stage. And they definitely aren't clones of each other. None of them have "perfect" lives, but they all come to the table with their own strengths and weaknesses, and none of them fall into the trap of being a stock character.

If you *really* want me to nitpick on something, I'd say that sometimes the gang come off a bit mature for their age. Well, no. That isn't exactly right either. Obviously these characters are going to be more mature than some of the their peers. Otherwise it's unlikely they'd have been recruited for the Order at such a young age. Plus they've been through a lot, and that tends to mature people quickly. So it isn't really their emotions that feel "too mature," but maybe more the way they are so able to eloquently express them...

I didn't think the part with Alice came off too harsh at all. I thought her parents were pretty rude and stuck-up, but I didn't get the impression that they were ever cruel to Alice, or mistreated her in someway. Mistreat the house elf? Yes. Their daughter? Not so much :P Some parents just aren't engaged with their children. It's actually nice from a literary perspective to see parents who aren't perfect without descending into issues of abuse.

I feel like this review is extra short for some reason. Sorry about that. I guess I'm just saving up for the big chapter ahead. I can't wait to read both the showdowns -- the wedding and a confrontation. Yikes!

And here are just a few typos I spotted. Also, there are a few passive voice sentences that might be clearer and more impactful if written in a more active voice. They aren't wrong as is, and I only pulled a few as examples, but I thought I'd point them out in case you wanted to take a second look. I put up a more active sentence for comparison, but it's only meant as a suggestion, since the others aren't wrong. Otherwise, another excellent chapter, and I've got a feeling it only gets better from here!

-- The ones who were born to live and breathe magic, crushing out those who were too underserving of the gift. (undeserving)

-- The idea of it sent a chill of pleasure shuddering through Bellatrix. (passive: Bellatrix shuddered with pleasure at the idea of it)

-- A few years from now, it would only be those of the purest blood that held their heads high in public. It would only be those who had nothing but magic in their veins that stepped through the doors of Hogwarts. (passive: A few years from now, only those with the purest blood would be able to hold their heads high in public. Only those who had nothing but magic in their veins would step through the doors of Hogwarts.)

-- James's room was on the other side of the hall, and the Mr. and Mrs. Potter were on the floor below them... (and Mr. and Mrs. Potter)

-- He was about to curse me in is sleep, I'm fairly certain (in his sleep)

-- Sirius's was forced to stifle a laugh. (Sirius was forced)

-- She could almost hear her father's pretensions voice commenting of the quality of the wood used to carve the massive, ornate dining table. (...hear her father's pretentious voice commenting on the quality of...)

-- "Suit yourself." Alice answered, her tone now nothing but sweet. (comma after yourself)

-- They said their goodbyes to Sirius as well, wishing him luck on his own excursion with Belle, before linking hands with Lily. (The end of this sentence isn't right. You have "they say" but the last bit is referring only to James, right? Maybe... before linking hands.)

--"Well, that's nothing new." Alice finally said. (comma after new)

"Thanks, Kitts," Alice said, her voice as warm as ever, before smiling at the elf and sending it on it's way. (on its way)

-- The closer she got to the family room, knowing Sirius would be waiting their, the slower her feet seemed to move. (waiting there)

Huh, I guess I should have asked you if you WANT me to point out typos. Some people don't, some do. Feel free to tell me to knock it off in your response if you'd rather I didn't :)

Author's Response: No I love you pointing out typos!!! Even more than that, I love that you point out what they are.

I'm really, really happy the characters feel realistic. That's what I worry most about... that and their personalities coming through the way I want them to. I honestly didn't think I would ever get half as close to these people. I know you understand what I mean after your Rose and Krum excursion...it's just crazy. It's crazy that I have all these feelings for people that don't exist and people I didn't create (although, I did create quite a bit of them... :P).

I agree with them feeling like they're able to sort of get out what they want to say a bit more maturely than most people their age. I hope that isn't something you dislike about the story, though... because I really don't know if I'd be able to change it at this point. There too much like that in my head...

I'm really happy that Alice's parents didn't come off as cruel. I was afraid after reading a few other reviews they might have. And like you said, they just aren't involved. They have their money, their lives, and their daughter is sort of just there. They do love her in their way, they just aren't the motherly and fatherly type. I'm so happy you picked up on all that, because it was something I worried about.

I have to stop this response now because I can not wait another second to request for the next chapter. I've been SO EXCITED to see what you think about it.

Honestly, the chapter was pretty short, and it didn't have a ton to review on. So I think all things considering, your review is absolutely perfect ;).

I've edited in the typos, but not the passive ones you pointed out. I want to wait for those until later when I can really read through it and see why I worded it that way/how to stop.

Thank you again, Becky ♥


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Review #7, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

1st March 2013:
Hello!

I am finally here! It's taken me nearly a week but I finally made it. Oh and a good chapter it is too!

Your Bellatrix is just scary and amazing all in one. I think I've told you before that I actually really love her as a character. She's just crazy and always manages to surprise you by sinking to a new low - I just really enjoy reading about her. You've captured her perfectly in this; her devotion to Voldemort and the way she will do anything he tells her too is just spot on. The whole having control scene was so believeable as well as weird. Poor Lily and James, I'm absolutely terrified for them. Please bring on tomorrow soon - I need to check they are okay!

James trying to curse Sirius in his sleep made me laugh for some reason, I just thought the idea of it was quite funny. The whole scene with Lily and Sirius was really cute and sincere, you can see that Sirius isn't just friends with Lily because she's dating James. The fact he can come to her with his worries is really nice to see.

Poor Peter, you're really giving him as hard a life as any aren't you? This is the one story I've read him in when I really don't want him to do what he's eventually going to do. It's so sad to think of.

I loved how Lily was nervous because she didn't feel her bag was big enough to have fit everything in - regardless of the charm. I've felt like that many a time (minus the charm unfortunatly) so it was just a girly moment I think that made me smile to read. Then James with his 'I'll leave my robes here instead of wearing them to the wedding.' again made me smile so much. I'd love to see Petunia's face if he turned up in them.

I'm so happy Mr & Mrs Potter made an appearance in this chapter too. They're such amazing parents, they make people so welcome. I think you've done an amazing job of their characters. I'm interested in reading their reactions to the what's going to happen to James in the next chapter.

I just love how they are with Sirius. When Sirius said he'd been trying to keep James out of trouble for years I just couldn't help but laugh. I agree with Lily - it's so lovely to see how they treat him, and to know that it's probably down to a lot of their influence that Sirius is how he is. Oh William made me laugh when he told Lily to tell them if James was any less than a gentleman. Just perfect again.

Gosh - the Christopherson's is awful. I love how Alice just tells her parents like it is though. She's really come into her own in the last few chapters and I really love her for it! When Belle finally admitted she liked Sirius and expected Alice to have some reaction and she just said 'Well, that's nothing new' I actually laughed out loud. Then she turned all stern calling her 'Isabelle' and not letting her doubt Sirius. I think Alice is fast turning into one of my favourite characters and I'm getting sad thinking about her fate.

It's so sad when Belle thinks about the life she should have had - the line about the porcelain doll was perfect. I'm so happy that Lily and Alice became friends with her. The moment with Sirius was just lovely - I know it wasn't a romantic kiss or anything but it was something. You made us wait long enough for Lily and James so I'm hoping these pair step it up soon. I'm really rooting for them as a couple.

This just leads me back to something else I've been worrying about though: Belle's fate. We know what's eventually going to happen to Peter and then what happens to Lily and James leading on to what happens with Sirius. We know Remus is sort of okay, well at least for a little while, and we know Frank and Alice most definitely aren't. I'm really worried about Belle though. There are two options I can think of, neither of which I want to happen. I hope you've got a third planned - although I'm not sure how much I'll like that either.

There was only one line I thought didn't quite sound right - you may disagree. 'They said their goodbyes to Sirius as well, wishing him luck on his own excursion with Belle, before linking hands with Lily.' The whole sections kind of been focused on Lily and what she's thinking and doing, then this sentence sounds like it's coming from James because you said links hands with Lily. Only a small thing but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Amazing chapter once again though, there was so many aww moments and I've felt the need to comment on nearly every single one and leave you a mammoth of a review - apolagies for that haha! You really have really set things up for an explosive next chapter though! I actually can't wait for tomorrow!

Lauren :)

PS: Do you think your banner will count as red for the review battle ;)

Author's Response: Lauren ♥ I can't tell you how happy I am that you just got busy and didn't decide you hated Before They Fall. Haha. I was seriously worrying. I'm a crazy person, clearly. And I hope your busy schedule has calmed down a bit!

I don't even know how I got the idea for Bellatrix's scene. Haha. I think it's one of my creepier ones, just because it does show a bit more of how mentally messed up she is. It's not even like she knows it either, which is what makes me love her so much. I'm so happy that my scary Bella hasn't sent you running for the hills :P

I'm so happy you mentioned being able to see that Lily isn't just friends with Sirius because she's dating James!!! I don't know why, but for some reason giving them their own friendship is really important to me.

Yes! with Peter! That's what I want. I want when you get to that point, you to really want him to stop even for himself. Not just because of James and Lily. How do you pick up on everything I'm trying to get across so well?? I swear, you read my mind.

I was trying to imagine what it would feel like to have all your overnight stuff packed, but not actually feeling like you're carrying it, and I decided it'd be a bit nerve wracking! I'm a terrible packer as it is, though :P

Writing Sirius's relationship with the Potters always gets me sort of emotional. It makes me wish so much that they'd been around when he was sent to Azkaban to defend him. And it makes it even more painful that anyone would have ever accused him of betraying James and Lily... because.. look at them! Him and James are absolutely brothers and gahh :(. Now I'm getting all sad.

I thought Alice's reaction to her Belle's remark was funny too. It's like, she was expecting something huge, but then... nope. Sorry Belle. You're not that secretive. Haha.

Ugh I wish I could tell you what happens to Belle! It's so hard for me not to give away all my secrets. Haha. But you're right, we know something will have to happen that makes sense on why Sirius doesn't seek her out or anything after he gets out of Azkaban. Unless I just crumble and go AU with everyone running away together and living happily ever after :P

You're absolutely right about that line. Thank you so much for pointing it out. I'm going to go back in and edit it right after I submit this response ♥

hahaha maybe it would count as red! But I think this chapter would count as 'embodying the traits of a gryffindor,' they're all brave, getting ready to face hard things, sticking loyal to each other during it... yep. Totally. Haha.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, Lauren ♥


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Review #8, by CambAngst 

24th February 2013:
Hello, again, darling! I continue to be very impressed by the pace at which you're publishing new chapters. I know what an effort it is to maintain this level of output because I see it week in and week out when I read for you. You're doing fantastic.

Yay, Bella is back! You do such incredible things with her. I loved her emphasis on control. If I was an evil, maniacal genius and Bella was one of my followers, control would be right at the top of the list of things I'd want her to improve. Her delusional, all-consuming devotion to Voldemort comes through so strong in this chapter. The way that she focuses on subjugating ever her body's most basic needs and repeats his dogma over and over in her mind... she's just perfect! I am officially really worried for Lily and James. I know that they won't die or anything, but that doesn't mean that it's going to be a pleasant experience.

I said it once and I'll say it again: You and your leggings! Now you've put Lily in them, as well. Clothing aside, you did a good job of continuing to develop this mothering/nurturing/counseling side of her. She helps Sirius overcome his doubts about what he's helping Belle to do and we even get a peek inside the home life of Peter. His story seems to be growing increasingly sad. You're trying to make me feel bad for the two-faced vermin, aren't you? Well, it's not going to work! (At least not completely)

The Christopherson household sounds like such a stifling, stuffy, sterile place. One has to wonder how a person like Alice manages to emerge from there without having all of the spirit crushed out of her. All I could think of was that line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "Cameron's house is like a museum. It's very cold, and very beautiful, and you're not allowed to touch anything." The way that Alice tweaks her parents was really entertaining. She's plainly gone her own way in life, just not quite to the same extent as Belle or Sirius. It's easy to see why the three of them became friends.

“Well,” James said, distracting Lily. She glanced over at him, his hands tucked into his pockets and a small rucksack over his back. “I suppose I should leave my robes here, instead of wearing them to the wedding.” - Now there's a scene I would love to read!!!

Gah! Olivia and William really are the Universal Parents, aren't they? Maybe it's one of those things that comes with advanced age or maybe they're just that awesome -- probably both -- but the two of them just have an irresistible quality about them. Anyone under the age of 40 who set foot in their house would instantly be absorbed into the family, it seems. I did love Lily's realization about Sirius's relationship with James's parents. One thing that's always been a little hard to get my head around was how things managed to go so horribly wrong so quickly for Sirius after Voldemort murdered James and Lily. You sit and wonder, "wasn't there anyone who spoke up for the guy?" But with William and Olivia gone, Peter missing, James and Lily dead, Remus alienated and Sirius being a complete outcast from his own family, his entire support system was totally gone. Your version makes so much sense.

The last section with Belle was really nicely done. All of her doubts felt completely realistic. It's going to be really tough for her, confronting her entire upbringing and being faced with an opportunity to flee back to all of the familiar things from her past. Sure, those things were hurtful and soul-numbing, but they were also safe and predictable. Fortunately Alice is right there to deliver one of her trademark pep talks. With her, Lily and Remus as friends, how could somebody ever go wrong? It's like being surrounded by counselors all the time.

The last thought stuck into her mind, and she tilted her head back so she was able to meet Alice’s eyes, then took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she’d been wanting to say for weeks. “I zink I really like Sirius.”

She expected Alice to laugh, or giggle, or scream. Something. But instead, she just gave her a quizzical kind of stare.

“Well, that’s nothing new.” Alice finally said.
- Well said, Alice! Once again, we see Alice stepping up in her undisputed role as the "Stop Being Stubborn and Deal With Your Feelings" Police. A role that she plays to rave reviews from... well, at least from me!

And lastly, there's her conversation with Sirius. It was one of those awesome moments you excel at creating where things could have easily tumbled into romance, but they fall just a little short. All in good time, of course. If it happened for James and Lily, it will happen for these two, as well. The two of them have such a nice, easy dynamic. They never seem uncomfortable around one another, even at the outset of their grand adventure together.

So... I feel like the next chapter is going to be explosive. James and Lily having dinner with Petunia and Vernon. Sirius and Belle visiting with the LeClairs. There could be a whole lotta yelling to go around. I can't wait! Fabulous chapter. Until next time...

Author's Response: Dan ♥ Bellatrix is too much fun. I actually have a short story idea going for her. but I don't know if it'll actually happen or not :P

Hahaha I have a legging addiction, okay! Poor Peter, even his bad home life isn't going to earn him sympathy?? JK. Really, you'd think he'd value his friends even more for sticking by him through this kind of thing.

I haven't seen Bueller's Day Off in so long. Now you have me wanting to google clips to watch :P. I think Alice was probably able to do okay in her household because her parents don't really have the same sort of need to conform her to what they want like Sirius and Belle's parents did. They won't associate themselves with certain people, and absolutely think too highly of themselves, but they also don't make Alice's life difficult. They kind of just do their thing and let their daughter do hers, which is still sad, but not nearly as crushing as Belle or Sirius's past. Hehe I had fun with cheeky Alice :P

Could you imagine Petunia's face if they showed up in their full wizarding attire? And Dumbledore accompanied them in HIS full wizarding attire? Petunia would go off the handle :P

I have a hard time wrapping my head around that too. I think that's why I'm so convinced that Sirius more or less let it all happen and didn't fight back. We know how dramatic Sirius is. After he finds James and Lily dead, and isn't able to kill Peter, I think the only thing he'd be thinking about is how it was all his fault. he wouldn't be thinking about why he had to stay out of Azkaban for Harry or Remus, he'd just think that he deserves to sit in there forever for being the one to suggest Peter. And maybe he made it too easy for them to arrest him without trying to put up a fight.

Poor Sirius ;(

Hahah Alice is very good at her part, isn't she?! :P

You are going to get to know how the next chapter goes VERY soon! Eek!

Thank you so much for all your amazing advice/support/not killing me when Friday night comes around :P




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Review #9, by limelight1816 

24th February 2013:
I started reading your story a few days ago, and ive fallen in love with it! Ive read alot of Jily fics and while some are really good, not a single one is as awesome or well written as yours.

Your characterization is spot on. I really love how you've given Remus and Peter such a major role too, and not just focused on James and Sirius. One thing that i especially liked was the line in one of the previous chapters about how Peter was always there for his friends and could be trusted. It's a small detail but it tells us how James and Lily could have trusted him with being their secret keeper. I also love that you've made all the characters so layered, Sirius in particular. I hate when he's portrayed as an immature playboy all the time, i always felt there was more to him.

I also love how you took things slow with James and Lily. A lot of fics rush into it and in the process it doesnt seem at all believable. Also, the fact that they had been friends on and off for the past few years was a nice touch.

Belle's story is captivating, and i cant wait to see how the meeting with her family goes! And Lily and James' vacation too.

Another thing i absolutely loved was the varying POVs. Bellatrix, Regulas, the Order meetings, all of it was so well written! Bellatrix's devotion to Voldemort is so interesting to read about, it really explains her future actions.

Also, the fact that you've given so much importance to the friendships, especially between Lily and the rest of the Marauders, is lovely. I enjoyed reading those scenes immensely.

I envy your descriptive skills. Your writing is flawless and so poetic, and i can vividly see everything you've described in my mind's eye. No doubt, some of the credit goes to your beta reader, whose stories i will definitely be checking out!

Btw, will this story cover all the events leading upto their deaths or just their seventh year?

Most of all, i love that you have superlong chapters! And each chapter is better than the last. I cant wait for the next chapter and to see how the plot progresses.

I know that in this ridiculously long review i have given no constructive criticism whatsoever, but ive found next to nothing to criticise in the whole story, save for a typos.

Keep up the good work and update son! :D (yes, im finally done :P)

Author's Response: Hi limelight!! I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you're enjoying this! Your compliments about this just have me on cloud nine. Thank you so much ♥

Giving Remus and Peter real parts in this all, and not just the tag along friends, is really something that's important to me. Just like you said, they trust Peter enough in the future to make him the secret keeper, so we know that he wasn't just the left out abandoned friend.

The varying view points are so much fun for me to write. I'm so excited that you enjoy those. I think it will make for a really fun transition into book two!

Ahh I can't even tell you how much your compliments about my writing mean to me. I'm just going to sit over here with a huge smile on my face :D Yes, my beta is awesome! He gets out all my pesky typos, and helps me thinks through parts that I get stuck on, and calms me down when I want to throw my computer :P Poor guys has a lot of pressure... haha!

This story is book one of two. It ends at the end of 7th year, then there will be a second book that goes through all their time into the Order and leads up to their (tear) death :(. I originally planned for it to all be one book, but I realized that it would have gotten WAY too long, haha!

Ahh I'm so relieved you like the long chapters. I know that some people prefer the 2,00 word ones, but those feel like you barely get started and then it's over!

You really made my day with this review, thank you so much! I always update once a week, so the next chapter will be posted on Saturday :)!

Thank you again so much!

♥ Jami


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Review #10, by zipzin 

23rd February 2013:
Just wanted to start off by saying that this is an amazing chapter. You have an amazing style of writing and it is very gripping to read.

Your beginning with Bellatrix is amazing! I think you really captured her character well, showing her thought process so she's still a human, but a pretty messed up one at that. The whole way she thinks about pain and the foreshadowing of the train ride, well I can't wait for the next chapter.

I have my doubts about Sirius and Lily's relationship. Between everything that they've been through it seems fine, but I just, I'm not sure about it. Like they either need to be closer because of it, or farther apart because of something else. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Let's go Belle! You can do this! Just go to France tell them off and then you and Sirius can go skipping into the sunset!

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi darling!!

Aww I'm so happy you like my writing style! That really means a lot to me, because I do try and push myself into improving as much as possible.

I think Sirius and Lily definitely have an odd sort of friendship. I think Lily has a really soft spot for him because of the things he's gone through, and then after what happened with her parents, they really got a lot closer. I'm absolutely not ever going to put them in romantic territory or anything! But I do want to give them a real friendship, and not just a, friends because she's James's gf, sort of one.

Eeeek I'm so excited to see what you think of the next chapter!! To France we go!

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews, m'dear ♥


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Review #11, by Hanazkabananah 

23rd February 2013:
I love this story!
Don't get me wrong.I really like the mushy stories where James changes from the egotistical,prank pulling Potter to the mature man for Lily but when I read those stories and then nothing bad really happens to them(beyond house rivalries and an occasional mudblood)until after Hogwarts,I'm like,"Yeah,okay."
I love that a dramatic and horrible event starts the story and it really has nothing to do with their magical life anyway.
I love that James had to learn to be a comforting friend to Lily before he could be anything else to her.
I love that Lily worked out how she felt on her own time and didn't just run into James arms (or Sirius' for that matter) because he was the first man around that held any ounce of comfort for her.
I love that everybody is so human and they aren't perfect.Lily was irrationally angry at James after her parents death.Belle the beauty has made some mistakes.Alice is sweet but can be snarky and rude when provoked.Sirius is just plain old messed up(not that that's at all surprising).
I love how creepy and spot on Bellatrix is written into the story.
I love the Potters,like can they be my relatives?Pleeeasse?
I just love this story and can't wait for the next chapter!Belle's trip to France and Lily's trip to the wedding are both going to be huge!
Keep it up.:)

Author's Response: Hi there, Hana! Ahh I'm so happy you're enjoying this story!

I feel the same way as you. I love the every things happy until after graduation stories, but it just doesn't feel realistic. There had to be a lot of leading up for these young kids to commit themselves to a war, so I hope through this I do justice showing those things.

That's exactly what I wanted to show! That James had to learn to be a friend to Lily before he could be anything else, and that she really came to her feelings on her own and not because it was convenient. And no, no Sirius. I could never do that to my precious little James and Lily :P

'Belle the beautiful,' oh god, I LOVE THAT! Haha! And yes, Sirius really is just messed up. haha.

The Potters are so awesome, if you get them for your relatives, I get them too :P!

Thank you so much for stopping by to review, and the next chapter will be up first thing from Saturday!! I'm really excited to hear your thoughts on it!! ♥

Jami


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Review #12, by ValWitch21 

23rd February 2013:
You promised hectic chapters, I'm left a bit hungry!

Kidding, of course. This was a great chapter -- I loved this snarky side of Alice. Her parents sound absolutely terrible, almost like Belle's by some aspects (though to a lesser extent).

EEP EEP EEP Sirius and Belle action (sort of) at the end, HOORAY!

And more Olivia and William, I'm so happy to see some more of them :)

This was truly a great chapter, I'm now really waiting for your next update, even more so than usual.

(And, this was coming, Bellatrix. UGH. That is the best description of her I've ever seen. It was so flawless and perfect through and through, I just can't.)

&hearts

Author's Response: Hi Val!!! Ahh I know what you mean, though. I kind of felt the same after this. But a lot of things connect together in the next chapter, like we have to know what one character is doing while we know what the other is, so I have to tell both stories at much, and it just was getting WAY to long to have everything in this chapter.

YOU WILL NOT be left hungry at the end of next weekends, pinky promise :P

I KNOW!!! I got excited to! I mean, it's just a kiss cheek, but it's something, right?!

Your compliments about Bellatrix! Thank you so much!! Her crazy self is really fun to play with, haha!

Thank you so much for your review, and I'm heading over to your story first thing in the morning ♥


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Review #13, by MissMdsty 

23rd February 2013:
I managed to get home in time for the first review! Yey me!

You really need to stop playing with Bellatrix. It can't be healthy. She is so creepy. But funny enough, I never imagined she took baths. Something about her makes me think she's "above" such normal things as a bath. Also, I don't want to imagine her naked. That's now branded on the inside of my eyes. Thanks for that.

I loved how this was a chapter centered on the girls (and the Wicked Witch of the West, or WWW as we will refer to her from now on).

I love the Sirius/Lily friendship in this story. It's such a cozy picture and they're so comfortable with each other. And Lily is indeed a lot like Remus, the voice of reason. Poor Peter... I guess we're just at the tip of the iceberg that led him to do what he did. I remember you saying we'll see his reasoning as the story unfolds.

Alice's parents stike me as very odd. In my head, I associate Alice with Neville and something about them doesn't fit right with the posh and proper parents. But I love her smart mouth and how she isn't afraid to be herself and call them out on issues such as elves' welfare.

I can't wait for Belle to arrive in France. I think that is going to be an epic chapter. What you said about Sirius and acting on impulse, I think it's going to happen there. And I'm curious to see how Belle will react to this dynamic. I imagine it'll be very strange for her, seeing her two worlds "collide" in the family's living room. She is such a strong and amazing woman and I love how this OC grew from the beginning to this point, that to me she is as central in the Marauder Era universe as Lily or Alice are.

What else...? I love Mr and Mrs P. They're amazing and I want to take them home.

Lovely chapter as usual, m'dear!

Author's Response: Yay Ral! hahah! Hi ♥

But Bellatrix is SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH! I kind of thought the same thing when I started this. Like... Bellatrix in the bath? Weird. But then it was the perfect opportunity to show how psycho she is even just by herself :P

WWW HAHA perfect! She's crucio you so fast for that! :P

I'm so happy you like their friendship. I'm waiting for someone to think I'm shipping them or something, but you know that's the last thing I'd do :P I just think they would have a really special friendship apart from her being James's gf.

I had such a hard time trying to figure out what to do with Alice's parents. We know that they aren't in Neville's life, but between having to kill off the Evans and eventually Olivia and William (don't even want to think about that! :( ) I just couldn't find anymore realistic ways to kill parents, haha. So I figured I'd make them into the sort of people that, once their daughter gets really involved in the war, don't care to be involved with her. And therefor the type of people that their only son would NOT go to :P I'm so happy you like her smart mouth with them, haha!

Ahhh I can't tell you how much your comments about Belle mean to me. I love her, but I created her. So that's a given. But knowing you love her just makes me want to do a happy dance.

I'm so happy you like this chapter, and I can't WAIT to see what you think about next weeks!! Eeek!!


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