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14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Liana 

30th January 2015:
I'm glad you explained why Daphne and Astoria went by Yaxley. I was trying to figure that out.

Author's Response: Hi! :) This was one of my favourites of the early chapters, because I got the chance to do some exposition and explaining. I'm glad you liked the explanation and found it helpful. Thanks so much for reviewing! :D

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Review #2, by Secret Santa ;D 

21st December 2014:
Day five!

I love the House of Yaxley's history so much! We never really got much family history of non-major families in the books, but I'm sure there are some pretty awesome family lines to be explored all over the Wizarding world!

I like the way you phrased 'it took him several years to love her' it's just so matter-of-fact and to the point. And that there's a Hogwarts Debate club, that would get SO tense! It's amazing that Tor sees nothing wrong with her father and his friends using Unforgivable Courses on people at school, but that's the power of normalization. People can be convinced that a lot of horrible things are fine if it's all they've ever known.

I find it a little creepy that Voldemort thinks women are important only for breeding. It's kind of like they're racehorses to him or something. Creepy is to be expected of him though.

Yaxley was probably smart not to go down with the rest of the Death Eaters. For himself and for his family. I see now how no one associates the name Yaxley with anything too bad. Of course, they still use Greengrass just in case. You kind of make Yaxley seem awesome in a twisted way here--'master of manipulation, a dominator of men, skilled caster of the Imperius curse'

Okay, I love the way you handled Tor's affinity for Occlumency. I didn't feel like it was a 'Mary Sue' trait. I think it's more that she's inclined toward it, rather than magically (lol) just knowing how to do it! Kind of like Harry's talent for the Patronus.

Another amazing chapter! Love getting to know more about the backstory of all of this. This story is mind blowing. The Dobby win was so deserved. See you tomorrow!

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Review #3, by Jess the Enthusiast 

21st September 2014:
I forgot to mention in my last review how interesting I find it that Tor was meant for another house (I'm assuming Gryffindor); I wonder what she would have been like, what her life would have been like, if she had let the Hat Sort her properly.

But really great chapter! I had been wondering why Daphne and Tor used their mother's maiden name rather than their fathers. And it was really cool to get more of an insight on the family's past and Tor's childhood.

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm glad you liked that detail! I imagine her as a Gryffindor as well, or even a Hufflepuff in some ways although she does have a lot of Slytherin qualities as well. Her most Slytherin quality in a lot of ways is her shrewd self-preservation like how she knows that not being in Slytherin would potentially be more difficult.

I'm pleased you liked all the background as well. Tor's family situation is so complex and really defines her so it felt important to dedicate a chapter to it. Thanks so much!! ♥


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Review #4, by Teddy1993 

24th August 2014:
Nice chapter. It was good to read a bit more about Astoria and her family. And indeed, Death Eaters are people too. As J.K. Rowling said, the only character that is truly evil is Voldemort..

Author's Response: Hi!!

I loved writing this chapter and explaining why Tor is the way she is. Her family is quite important to the story so it was important to set up this base. You're right: while the Death Eaters have their flaws, they aren't simply motivated by pure evil.

Thanks so much for another thoughtful review! :)


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Review #5, by Courtney Dark 

7th January 2014:
Tag!

Ooh, I really enjoyed this chapter! It was really great learning more about Tor's family and their background. I particularly liked the bit about her father's story, and how he became a Death Eater. You have done this amazing thing by still making me loath the Death Eaters and, by association, Tor's father, but also somehow making them seem like human beings who have emotions and families and plans and motivations for what they do. So it is safe to say I am now very conflicted.

I also loved how you described the competition between Daphne and Tor, because it seemed like such classic sibling rivalry - the older sibling being jealous when the younger sibling gets more attention and feels more loved.

This was a really great chapter! Hopefully I will be back here soon!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

I'm so happy you liked this chapter as it's my favourite of the earlier chapters. :) I'm glad you liked the bits about her father as he is very influential and his story keeps unraveling throughout the novel. It's really good to hear you have these conflicting feelings towards the Death Eaters of both liking and hating them, as that's just how I wanted them to come across. They have redeeming qualities, especially from Tor's point of view, but also a sort of danger and horror. I feel like Voldy (and possibly Bellatrix) were the only ones who were completely motivated by power and cruelty, while others like Yaxley have other reasons beyond pure hate.

Haha yes! The sisters do have a bit of a tense relationship, and I think both of them think the other is better off. :P

Thanks so much for reviewing, I'm glad you're liking the story so far! :)


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Review #6, by MissesWeasley123 

27th September 2013:
I'm back again!

I'm literally laughing so hard at that stupid mistake of mine.. I had the biggest blonde moment ever. Okay, inhale, exhale. I literally don't even know why I thought Pyxis was a girl. I must've read wrongly.. Anyway, I apologize again because I must've made you so confused. I blame it on being sleepy and generally stupid haha.

I really liked how in the last chapter you were showing the relationships Tor has with her family, but in this one I think you're absolutely magnificent. It's really great.

Your writing is so magnificent, you show everything so well. I really like it, every word. I hope we get to know more about Taurus and Pyxis (no.. I totally don't have crushes on them..) :D

Another fabulous chapter! I will come back for more! Your writing is really good, and keeps on drawing me in. This story has awesome amounts of potential.

- Not-So-Smart Nadia hahaha.

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

Haha, no worries! Your mistake was hilarious, really. :P

This is probably my favourite of the early chapters since we really get to know Tor's history and her family, which is such an important part of her and her choices. I'm glad you liked it, and the writing here. And that you're liking Taurus and Pyxis, hehe.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much! You're awesome! :)


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Review #7, by EnigmaticEyes16 

28th August 2013:
This was a really good chapter. I enjoyed learning more about her family and childhood, and I'd also been wondering why she hadn't taken her father's name, which I now know. The bit about occlumency was really cool though, and how she was able to block out her father so young. I'm really curious to see where this story goes...

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: Hello there! :)


I'm pleased you liked this chapter, and it cleared up some questions about Tor's family. I'm pleased you enjoyed the addition of Occlumency and Tor's skills, and are still curious about the rest of the story.

This chapter is one of my favourites since I think the story begins to kick off from this point, so thank you for your thoughts on it and leaving this lovely review! :)


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Review #8, by Illuminate 

12th July 2013:
Hi! Review Tag! I'm returning the favour xD

I think your writing just keeps on improving with every chapter. In this you manage to write a story about what happens throughout Tor's first nine or so years of life (and before) with really great flow and pace. We don't spend too much time in one time period, and you still manage to build a lot of good characterisation.

Your prose was great also! You are quite eloquent and articulate, and easy to read. I like that you took time out from the greater story to give some well-needed backstory, and I have a good feeling that we will be able to enjoy the story from here on out a lot more :) Not that it wasn't enjoyable before, of course!

Great job! :)

Author's Response: Hi! :)

Thank you, you're so sweet! I'm glad you liked this chapter, I think of it as the turning point in the story where the writing and plot pick up and become more interesting and natural. I really enjoyed imagining Tor's upbringing and her family's history, since they play pretty big roles in the story as well. I'm glad you liked the build up and the strucuture of the story, and that it provided good charcterization! :)

I'm glad you liked the writing style as well, that's very nice of you to say! :) It's lovely that you're enjoying the story, and that this chapter added to that.

Thank you so much for this review! :)


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Review #9, by marauderfan 

8th June 2013:
It was nice to see Tor's family background here. I think you've portrayed the sibling relationship really well so far too - how Tor is jealous of her older sister's looks, like any younger sister would be, and Daphne is jealous that Tor, the baby of the family, is the favourite. Very realistic.

I think it's interesting how you described Occlumency/LEgilimency too, and how it's able to cover large distances. Was it mentioned in the book that they can do that? I had always imagined that you had to be in the same room or something, but maybe I just made that up. Anyway, I like that take on mind magic.

One thing that seemed a little off:

The red eyes glinted, the white cheeks stretched upward in the likeness of a smile. For a moment my father tried to imagine how the Dark Lord must have looked as a child: he failed.

I do like the bit about imagining Voldemort as a child. But, I don't think it really fits. Everything else in the chapter is what happened to Yaxley. Events, dialogues, etc., and this one sentence is his feelings. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, it almost feels like a POV shift.

Sorry if that sounds overly critical/ doesn't make sense, I hope that came across clearly. Regardless I thought this was a really good chapter! 10/10

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, I'm glad you liked this chapter, which was of course a little different but I felt necessary! I'm glad to hear you like the sibling relationship, and think that it's relatable. I'm really glad that Astoria had a sister in canon, as writing about Daphne is one of my favourite sub-plots! :)

I kind of made up how Legilimency/Occlumency would function in the story, since it's pretty obscure and confusing for me! I hope it makes sense, at least within the context of this story. I thought that it could work for a mind the person knew well, like Yaxley-his daughters or Voldy-Harry, but with strangers they would need a closer proximity. It's still all rather unclear, however! :P

Thank you very much for pointing that out, it's an excellent point and I really appreciate any advice and feedback! :) I'm planning to re-visit and patch up these early chapters, and your comments are certainly helpful.

Thank you for another wonderful review, you're awesome! :D


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Review #10, by Calypso  

29th May 2013:
Saw you in the review tag thread and decided to come and see how Tor's doing- and I'm glad that I did!

I absolutely loved finding out a bit more about her background- it was very interesting. As with so much of this story, it's fascinating to see the wizarding world through the eyes of the other side, and you did that really well in this chapter, simultaneously highlighting how dangerous these people are, and how- essentially- they are just people. I like that you show your characters' good qualities alongside their blood status prejudices, so that I find myself almost rooting for the Death Eaters!

I liked the way you showed how important the Dark Lord is to the Yaxleys' lives- how Tor's father was willing to miss her birth to help Voldemort- it showed how much power he has over the lives of so many people.

I noticed one typo, near the beginning: you put "there's even been three Ministers..." and I think it should be "there have even been three Ministers..."?

Ooh and Tor is an Occlumens? I liked the story of how she found out she could do it- how it was instinctive, and not something she was trying to achieve. I also thought it was realistic that her father wouldn't teach her the most complicated Legilimency, as she was only a child.
The way he reacted to discovering her ability seemed very natural for the character you've built for him- that she would rise in his affections over Daphne (although Daphne doesn't seem as if she'd take well to such treatment!)

And the scene in the garden where the kids were playing Hogwarts together was just so cute! :P

Another great chapter! It was fascinating to get a glimpse of Tor's background- I really enjoyed reading it!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi! :) Great to see you back!

I'm glad you liked this chapter, and learning more about Tor's background. I wanted to give her a little more depth and explain about why she is the way she is, it was great to get into their family history.

I'm glad you picked up on the DE relations with Voldy, and yes how Yaxley missed his daughter's birth. It was interesting imagining these big life events and how Voldy figures into them.

Ah yes, Tor is a bit of a natural, since she's very controlled and perceptive. I thought it would be a fun twist, and it comes into play later in the story as well. She's nowhere near being trained, she just has an aptitude for Occlumency! :) And you're right, Daphne definitely doesn't appreciate being inferior in any way! :P

Aw, I liked that scene too! I really want readers to root for the Slytherins and see them as playful, ordinary people who happened to be raised with certain values. I love writing them! :)

Thank you for another wonderful review! :D


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Review #11, by Broken Butterfly 

19th May 2013:
Hi there!
I am so sorry it took me so long to get back... Finals and stuff you know?
This was yet another wonderful chapter, I think i'm really falling in love with this juicy plot. Tor is brillant as always. What I really like about this chapter was the backstory into Tor's father, and then her childhood. It was a sidetrack from what is happening in her reality, but gives the reader some information that is important to know. This is really great work, can't wait for you to request chapter 6. Love It.
BB

Author's Response: Hi, great to see you back again! :) And no worries, I certainly understand about finals!

I'm glad you're continuing to enjoy the story! :D It makes me happy. This chapter pretty much just dived into her past, but I felt like it was important to explain about her family's history and why she is the way she is. Thank you so much for another lovely review, I'll re-request right away! :)


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Review #12, by nott theodore 

12th May 2013:
I got a spare moment so I'm back! :D

This chapter has really added some brilliant depth to Astoria's family and I loved the expansion on details of her childhood and background. She's definitely extremely proud of her pureblood heritage, and has presumably been taught it well, although I think the Yaxleys are a little wiser about it than the Malfoys. I liked the explanation as to why Astoria uses her mother's name instead of her father's, as well as the little detail about how prestigious her mother's bloodline is.

The names were a nice detail, too, and I think that they fit well with the illustrious heritage of the two families. It's quite interesting that her mother is older than her father, because that doesn't seem to happen often in stories. The description of what Yaxley and his classmates got up to at school, practising dark magic in the dungeons, was rather sinister. The connection with Snape was really helpful for the reader to place Yaxley's age in relation to the other characters we know about.

I'm actually quite surprised by how much I enjoyed the detached style of this chapter. I think if Tor had constantly spoken of 'my father', then it would have seemed much more like boasting, whereas her use of the name Yaxley suggests more admiration for him and his achievements. It's really effective!

It's actually really refreshing to see the Death Eaters portrayed in this light. Although Voldemort couldn't love (I suspect his congratulations for Yaxley's marriage was more about the fact that he would be producing another generation of supporters for him), I don't think that means that his followers didn't have the ability to love. Orpheus clearly cares for and loves his family, but other things are more important at times in pureblood families.

I also really like the idea that Yaxley managed to stay under the Ministry's radar after the first war, but remained loyal to Voldemort and actually went looking for him. I imagine that would have made it easier for him to slip back into the inner circle when Voldemort returned.

Obviously, since we're seeing all of this through Tor's eyes our views on some characters are going to be biased, but I really like her at the moment - and as a result I don't like Daphne very much! The contrasts you draw between them are really entertaining, and I think Tor's probably cleverer than her older sister, especially if the talent for occlumency and leglimency is anything to go by!

There are just a few mistakes I picked up on:
"were silenced with by a twitch of the white finger" -- either with or by
"The Yaxleys have always had competition, those who are jealous and will stoop to any low in order to get ahead." -- I think the comma here needs to be a semi-colon or dash.
"ever night we stationed ourselves " -- every
And then as a cultural note, we tend to only have one best man at a wedding rather than multiple groomsmen who stand up with the groom at the wedding.

This story is so compelling and I'm really intrigued to see how you continue to develop it - and of course, I'm eager for the introduction of the mysterious muggleborn!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

I'm so happy you liked this chapter, since it just ignored the current plot and went back to explain the family's history. It was very fun to write, however, and to imagine a family legacy for Tor!

The Yaxleys are definitely proud of their name, but are smart enough not to flaunt it in the way the Malfoys do. I really enjoyed imagining what they would have been up to at Hogwarts, and where Yaxley fits in with the other Death Eaters. Yaxley's a really slippery character who definitely played his cards right both when Voldy was defeated the first time, and when he returned. I pictured him being a few years above Snape and that lot.

I'm glad you liked the detached style as well! The story goes back into this style every so often, and I've tried to keep it in Tor's voice even if it's talking about events that she wouldn't necessarily have known about yet. So it's good to hear that it was effective! :)

Yay, I'm glad you like how the DE are portrayed. They're not all inhuman monsters, though Voldy is, but they're people who love their families just as much as those on the other side do.

I'm so glad you like Tor!! :D I am quite attached to her and try to make her as likeable as possible, though she certainly does have her flaws and fair share of mistakes. Daphne definitely isn't particularly pleasant, though we do see slightly better sides to her later. :)

Thanks for pointing out those mistakes! I'll fix them when I go back and edit this chapter. And take away one of Yaxley's groomsmen- sorry, Nott Sr.! :P

Thank you so much for another really thoughtful and lovely review, I really appreciate it and am very happy that you're enjoying the story!! :)


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Review #13, by Siriusly89 

3rd April 2013:
Hi. . . . .Siriusly89 here with your insanely late review. . . .please don’t throw things at me for my shoddy time-keeping skills.

Anyway, enough about me and on to another chapterino of your highly addictive novel!

I loved the introduction, how you gave us an insight into the past of the Yaxleys, because as we know, purebloods usually have very rich, detailed and diverse backgrounds (ahem, the Blacks anyone?)

It’s interesting that Astoria’s mother is older than her father, but a really nice addition. Also the reasons she was drawn to him in the first place, such purebloodish reasons, but that’s what makes this very real, and the characters more than just words on a page (well, words on a screen, but lets not get technical here!)

The ‘inner circle’ as you called it, was very interesting. I can almost imagine them in some deserted classroom in the dungeons practicing the spells they really shouldn’t know how to do. Chilling! I have goose bumps!

I love how when Voldemort told him congratulations on getting engaged/married (not sure at this moment in time, although I’m leaning towards married, because I don’ think they’d be allowed live together if they weren’t married, imagine the scandal!), instead of saying ‘Thank you my Lord’ or something along the lines of that, he launched into this speech on her blood-linage. Though I suppose that could be critical information in old Voldies eyes.

I liked Astoria’s description of her father. He seems like a cold, distant, manipulative man, but you get the sense that Astoria respects him greatly, and in a way that’s slightly twisted. She loves her dad, it seems, for all the wrong reasons. Not because he tucked her in at night and took away all her fears and made her feel safer than anyone, but because he could force people to do his bidding and kill people without a backwards glance.

Ah! It makes sense now why Astoria and Daphne use their mother’s maiden name! Because the Order of the Phoenix wouldn’t really keep tabs on who the old Death Eaters married now would they? They’d just see someone with the surname Yaxley and hex them into oblivion. And now, it all makes sense!

Awh! Astoria playing Hogwarts with Theo and Pyxis was just adorable. Although Astoria being able to block her father out of her mind at such a young age was rather cool. . . . . . Harry would be so jealous if he knew, although I suppose he did banish a dark wizard when he was one, but that still doesn’t detract from Astoria’s achievement!

This really was a great insight into Astoria’s world, and the way she grew up, I loved it!

Feel free to re-request, hopefully it won’t take so long next time!

Author's Response: Hello, no worries at all!!! I'm glad you enjoyed reading about Astoria's history and her parents, I really want to delve into why she thinks the way she does and their complicated family dynamics.

I imagine that marriages between pure bloods would actually be of interest to Voldemort, since it ensures a future generation of his future army. Certainly, he wouldn't be interested for sentimental reasons!! Imagine Voldie as a best man at a wedding, or as a godfather... hmm, the idea makes me laugh.

I like that Tor's relationship with her father is coming across well. He's a very diverse character in that he has his dark, powerful side, but also loves his family.

Glad it makes sense why they'd go by Greengrass! The Yaxleys are definitely a little less like proud peacocks than a family like the Malfoys, and know that sometimes lying low and rising to the top is more effective. Also, as I know many people who go by their mother's maiden names or by hyphenated last names, it would make sense that wizards would do the same, right? I can definitely imagine the purebloods having a twelve-part hyphenated name, just to show off all the pureblood families they're related to!

Astoria being a natural Legilimens just seemed perfect for her personality: she's perceptive, thoughtful, self-aware, and both open-minded and close-minded at the same time, so I'm glad you thought it was cool :)

Thank you so much for your lovely review, I really appreciate all the thoughtful responsese :D I will definitely be re-requesting!!! :)





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Review #14, by marauder5 

4th March 2013:
It was great to get to know Tor and her family a bit better. I expecially enjoyed the part about her father joining the Death Eaters. This story just keeps getting better!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the flashbacks! I have a lot planned for Mr. Yaxley, he's not as black and white as I'd originally imagined :) Thanks so very much for reviewing!

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