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14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
I'm actually happy you didn't repeat the conversation with Belle and Sirius even though she told him more than the others. I was more concerned with Sirius's reaction and not hearing it over or seeing her cry again. I'm thrilled with his reaction to it as well. I didn't want that cliche I'll take care of you or he would try to kiss her or comfort her or something out of character. Yeah, Sirius will take care of her. We already know that. But what shakes him to his core is this pureblood purity stuff and parents abusing their children since he experienced that. He had every right to walk away from her because his anger and his hatred and his pain, not even her pain, but his, is very real and volitive.

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Review #2, by nott theodore 

23rd August 2013:
Hello again!

Even though I said in my last review that I was looking forward to seeing the conversation between Belle and Sirius, I wasn't at all disappointed that you didn't. As soon as I started reading this chapter, I could tell that it definitely worked better this way, since we do already know what happened and there wouldn't have been much point repeating it all again! As always, you know exactly what's right to include in this story!

Sirius running away from Belle once she'd told him her secret actually makes a lot of sense to me... he doesn't deal very well with things like this, and even as an adult in the books we see him getting angry or going off on his own and being mopey about things. But of course Sirius wouldn't tell Belle why he was running off before he left, and so now I feel really sorry for her, because she's going to think that he's disgusted with her or something. I can understand his anger with hearing the news, and it's actually really sweet how protective he is of Belle - they need to get together!

Aw, Sirius and James! I really love the way that you write their friendship; they're so close and at times I feel like you're best friends with them too, you write them and understand them so well! I liked the mention of the way that they're both so stubborn that Remus and Peter have to act as mediators when they disagree, but in spite of all that they're always going to be there for each other if they can. I feel like James is probably one of the only people who could help Sirius work out his anger - and that Sirius would let push him like that.

Oh Sirius is going to take Belle a chocolate dessert to try and soften her up and make her smile! ♥

I loved Lily in this chapter! She's always portrayed as such a goody-two-shoes but I think that when it came to doing what was right, she wouldn't have been afraid to break rules to stand up for what she believed in. It was so brave of her standing up to the Slytherins when she was on her own - it would have been much easier to walk away and let them get away with it, but Lily's not the sort of person to do that.

I felt so sorry for little Polly in this chapter! I'm going to be so sad if you ever decide to be heartless and kill her off, because she's so cute! Mary was brave trying to stand up to the bullies as well, but she isn't as brave as Lily - and that's something that shows why Lily ended up joining the Order and actually taking a part in the fight.

The Slytherins... they kind of give me the creeps, to be honest. They're obviously the sorts of people who are going to end up as Death Eaters, but they aren't quite there yet. At this point, they're vile, nasty bullies and I really don't like them. Abigail's just (insert non 12+ word here), but at the same time she's a great character. So many stories seem to include very few female Death Eaters or pureblood sympathisers, and while there are only a few of them in canon, I think that there would definitely have been more - not every woman is going to sit at home like Narcissa seems to have done. Still, she's horrible and I don't like her at all. I hope she's not a prefect for too much longer!

Snape... I just can't make up my mind about him, but I'm definitely not his biggest fan and I'm far from a Snily shipper. I think here you showed why the two of them are incompatible anyway. Despite the fact that Snape tried to persuade the others to leave and walk away, he didn't do anything to stop them actually having a go at Lily. On the other hand, she's perfectly prepared to stand up for what's right and fight for it if she needs to. No matter how much he's meant to have loved her, he didn't have to stand with the side that hated anyone with her heritage and persecuted people who didn't agree with them. And really, if it hadn't been Lily that they were bullying, I don't think Snape would even have said anything at all - he'd have joined in with the others eagerly, probably. Okay, sorry - my musings on Snape are over for now!

I probably say this every time that he appears, but I'm so impressed by the way that you write Dumbledore. He's just so... Dumbledore-ish (yes, that is a word :P). I really liked the fact that Lily could feel his anger and sense him in the room before she actually saw him. It fitted with all we know about him from canon. The scene with McGonagall and Slughorn was brilliant as well - of course Minerva would have deducted points from her own house!

Another lovely chapter, m'dear!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello my dear Sian! I'm here at one in the morning answering reviews because, well, a big long list of reasons. One of the biggest one being that I have a very heavy heart right now, and all I can think about is how happy I always feel on HPFF and wanted to badly to come show the amazing people i met on it how much I appreciate them. The most important step to doing so felt like answering the reviews I'd let pile up!

Anyway!

Sirius and James's friendship is probably one of my favorite, if not my completely favorite, thing about the entire Marauders era. I think there's just something really incredible about all these teenagers who became adults in the blink of an eye, but even more so with James and Sirius because they were the brother each of them needed.

I love giving Lily a chance to show that, like you said, she's not afraid to break rule when it's the right thing to do. I think to be able to love and appreciate, and forgive, a troublemaker like James Potter there would have to be a tiny wild side to her ;)

I love how you described the Slytherins as nasty bullies who aren't quite there yet. That's totally what i had in my head.

I love your Snape and Lily musings. I basically had a conversation with you while reading our paragraph about those two, haha. If he really loved her to the depth he pretended, he would have let go his friendships with the boys who hated her. That's pretty much an inarguable thing in my head... then when Voldemort didn't leave her alive to run into Snape's arms after her husband and baby were murdered... okay, I'm going down a whole ranting path here. Hahah

Dumbledore has to be the hardest character in the world, so I'm VERY happy you liked him in this chapter!

Thank you again SO MUCH for this review, and I'm so sorry that it's taken a year to respond to!


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Review #3, by Athene Goodstrength 

17th July 2013:
Jami, I love love loved this chapter so much. It's so fun! Lily is my absolute heroine. We're really seeing her Lily-ness coming out, now. I love that you stay true to her, though, by showing her shock at breaking the rules alongside her kick-butt-ed-ness. And the kick-butt-ed-ness (which is now a word) comes from a place of deep integrity, and righteous anger at seeing injustice and bigotry. You write her so well. And she's funny, too. Her snarky little thought about McGonagall not mentioning that James and Sirius break the rules on a daily basis made me laugh. Oh, and she's adorable... The thing about laughing whenever she's in trouble was so cute. I know that feeling! Haha.

To go back to the Belle and Sirius aspect of things... I love Sirius so much, sigh. His anger on Belle's behalf is so touching. WOULD HE JUST TELL HER HE LOVES HER, ALREADY?! And stop stalking around to hide the fact that he's angry about what happened to her (how very Sirius)... he should just tell her why hes angry, and he's not mad at her, and he loves her, and they're going to run away together, The End. The conversation and relationship between him and James is so perfectly drawn. You know these guys so well, and they know each other so well.

Your portrayal of the Slytherins is really fab... They're so nasty and petty and horrible, but not necessarily 'evil'. They're like baby Death Eaters... They're horrid, bigoted bullies, but they're not quite there yet - in the same way that our heroes are brave, kind, strong people, but they're not quite ready to do battle. I really liked you showing Snape's desperation to get away from that situation... You're managing to show his feelings for Lily, and how he feels torn between her and his powerful friends, without him seeming to be a little romantic hero - but not a total villain either.

Oh Jami, this was so good. The final few lines were so heart-melty and perfect and I want to squish your little Marauders forever and ever.



Ps. I got to the 'preview' button before I remembered - I love Dumbledore so much in this! He's twinkly, and angry, and gentle and perfect. It's so good to see a canon-realistic Dumblydoo.

Author's Response: Sarah! See! I'm here, I've made my way to your review and it's going get responded to before I get a response from you, missy!!

I think we're going to have to discuss adding kick-butt-ed-ness to the dictionary. There aren't enough tripled hyphen words out there :P I don't like when Lily is made to be TOO goody goody, because, well, good girls can do things that probably are breaking the rules, but for good reasons! Or, in the case of her going to walk around, just because, I suppose :P. You should know all about that, missy cookie stealer!

So many people seemed surprised by the way Sirius reacted to Belle's new. He's Sirius! He doesn't handle things well, and when he's out of his element he just has to go stalk off like a five year old until he works things out himself. Or has James to push at him to work them out :P. And I like your ideas of how he just needs to tell her he loves her, tell her why he's angry, and just in general stop being so emotionally stunted :P!

Snape will never be easy for me to write, and the fact that I bring him into this book as little as possible is probably good proof of that, haha. It's just, I don't know. Their friendship is over and he does nothing to fix that, neither does she. They both know it's over, they grew apart and his darkness and need for power is just too much. But then of course as soon as she'd dead, died a tragic death with her husband, he's so in love with her and blah blah.

End Snape Rant. Haha

You know what a pain Dumbledore is for me, so I'm super excited you liked him! I still can't believe how perfect you got him in your Umbridge story! And I love making your heart melty and now I want to squish YOU!

Thank you so much my lovely Sarah for making me feel so full of happiness-ies!

♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #4, by Courtney Dark 

4th May 2013:
I definitely think you were right in leaving out the actual conversation between Belle and Sirius. Starting this chapter with the aftermath of their conversation, from Sirius' point of view, was a great way to pick up the story. You have this real flare with using different narrative devices to keep your plot interesting and original. I love the fact that sometimes (like when Sirius told his friends about the night of Lily's parents' death) you have a flashback rather than explaining the whole thing and that you skip less important, less interesting parts of the story effectively, and carry on from a suitable point. It means that your story is never dull to read, never has a dull moment.

I loved the fact that there was Sirius/James in this chapter! The way you portray their friendship is awesome and their personalities are just perfect! It's clear that Sirius has quite a bit of anger bottled up inside him and we all know that Sirius has a bit of a temper, so that's awesome to see. And I'm glad you added in that bit about the two boys matching stubborness for stubborness and then Remus and Peter having to act as mediators, because that reminded me a lot of me and one of my best friends, which made me laugh. We're both so stubborn that, if we have a different opinion, we can't find a halfway point and can argue for hours at a time.

I'm actually quite surprised Sirius ran away from Belle, though. Obviously her wouldn't exactly take her story well, but I do wish he would've acted a tad more...maturely about it. I hope the two of them are able to make up soon!

Abigail is horrible! She is like that classic female bully but she also happens to be a Slytherin who seems to hate muggleborns. That encounter with the Slytherins was really well written, and I'm so glad Lily stood her ground. You have a real talent for writing the bad guys!

I think the scene with McGonagall, Slughorn and Dumbledore was great, too. The addition of Slughorn's night cap was great - if I was Lily I probably would've burst out laughing and then would've ended up looking quite the idiot.

Anyway, another great chapter!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi Courtney ♥

With a story this long, hearing that it never gets dull is such a huge compliment! Thank you! I really love getting to play in the different heads of the characters. Sirius is one of my favorites. He's such a... chaotic person. Haha. I was really worried though that people were going to be angry they didn't get to see the entire conversation; i'm so happy you liked it this way! It just would have felt so redundant. We know what happened to Belle... and I can never write that much french accent again as I had to for her chapter, HHAHA!

I love that it reminded you of you and your best friend! I'm really not stubborn at all. Like, I'll have things that I get stubborn about, but for the most part I'm pretty, 'whatev,' so writing these two and how bullheaded they both can be is so much fun for me. And the fact that you were able to relate to that makes me think I'm doing a decent job at making it realistic! Yay!

I know, Sirius definitely didn't act his best in this :(. I think he'll redeem himself for his actions very soon, though ;).

I had so much fun writing Lily and the boys getting in trouble together. Especially with it being Lily that was sort of at the center of it all. I think she can be portrayed as almost too Hermioneish at times, and I want to show that, as good of a student and person as she is, that doesn't mean she's able to hold herself back all the time and walk away from an altercation.

And I totally would have laughed out loud too, haha. I got called into the principals office during HS once because I'd gone into the teacher's lounge and filled my coffee up (I did this all the time, but a new teacher who had a power trip apparently had an issue with it and told on me), and I was getting a lecture about what happens if every student did that and blah blah, and behind the principal was a window and outside of the window was a couple going to town on snogging. I started laughing SO HARD.

Okay, sorry, got off topic there. haha.

Thank you again for another absolutely amazing review ♥


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Review #5, by patronus_charm 

22nd March 2013:
I think this is the longest gap its been since my last review. But after next Tuesday, I should be able to review a lot more!

Naw James came to poor Sirius rescue. Im not sure whether I should be saying poor Sirius after what he did to Belle, but he just seemed so forlorn, you wanted to just go and hug him! Even though Sirius family are awful, they do sound slightly better than Belles. It was nice to be able to learn more about their respective upbringings, because we could then put their characters into context more, and understand their actions.

I found it sweet that James was away comforting Sirius and trying to make him feel better and realise that he is the man for Belle, when Lily was comforting Belle at the same time! It was funny to see how James is affecting Lily in ways which arent so good. I guess the fact that she now lies does show that she is lightening up, and not being solely focused on one thing, I just hope that it does land her into trouble!

Aw and how cute was Lily when she was thinking of James? The way that kiss meant so much to her, and how she was thinking about meeting his parents. Aw it was just so sweet and adorable, and then way shes finally accepting that she wants to be James is great, because Ive been waiting for this moment for so long, and for then to finally see it is just lovely!

That was a heated debate just then! Poor Polly, I felt so bad for her, and how she had to face all of those Slytherins. It couldnt have been easy, and they just seemed so intimidating especially the Slytherins! And the way she called Lily, Head Girl Lily, you could tell how intimidated she felt, and you just wanted to hug her!

I was getting too excited yaying Lily on for having a go at them. That Abigail girl, really does seem to be a nasty piece of work, and I certainly would not want to have to deal with her. Then for Filch to come along at the end of it and have a go at them was great, as it just added a twist to it, but you couldnt help but feel for Lily for ending up in a position like that.

Then McGonagall and Slughorn putting them in the place. Of course McGonagall would deduct points from her own house, but I think thats why I like her as she sticks to her principles! Slughorn was great as well, and I wish we could see more of him as hes such an interesting character in my opinion. Snape was suspiciously quiet throughout it all though, I wonder if hes up to something?

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Eeek I'm so spoiled with you and your amazing reviews ♥

I was irritated with Sirius as well in this! But I think he did what he thought was best by walking away and not risking staying and getting angry at her family but taking it out on her. Poor Sirius, such a conflicted little soul.

I really was proud of Lily for sort of admitting to herself how much she does want to be with James. I'm so happy that you enjoyed that part as well ♥ You see to like all my favorite parts. I love it. I think I just need to hug you, you know.

Abigail! Not a nice girl, no no. She reminds me a female version of Draco. I couldn't decide how that scene would play out of they got into a dual, so I figured Filch should just come in and stop it :P

I felt really bad for Polly too! I think she's such a sweet little character, and I just hate the idea of how intimidated she must've felt.

Ugh. I need to admit that with Severus, I just didn't think of giving him any more lines in this :(. I mean, in the end of that chapter. I think I was too focused on getting Abigail's lines out, haha! But I promise we'll still see more Severus!

Thank you so much for your amazing reviews ♥ And I love that you think Slughorn is an interesting character. He sort of is, isn't he? I've never thought too much about him!

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews. I feel like I've said that to you so often that it probably doesn't seem sincere, but it really is. I get so excited every time I get one from you ♥



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Review #6, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

24th February 2013:
I'm going to have a lot to say on this opening scene, but hopefully that's ok since it took up 2 spots on your AoC list! Right off, I totally agree with the choice not to depict Sirius's conversation with Belle. You're right that it might have felt redundant. This aftermath scene was a GREAT way to pick up their plot line again. To the reader, the important thing is not what she said, since we already know her story, but how Sirius takes the news, which is admittedly not very well.

It's also really nice to see a James/Sirius moment. There's been a lot of James/Lily taking center stage recently, and since this is also a story about the Marauders/their friendships, this felt like a great time for the pair to share a moment together. And I thought you struck a really great mood here: some lighter moments, some very dark moments, but all the while, a very strong sense of familiarity between the two.

The one thing I'm a little torn on is Sirius's reaction. Not the running away from Belle part. Of course, I'm disappointed that he couldn't handle the situation with a bit more maturity, but it's understandable based on what we know about him. He felt himself losing his temper and wanted to get out of there before he said or did anything he'd regret/that might make things worse on Belle. On a human level, that wasn't a great idea. On a character level, given his age and his past, it works perfectly.

But I did feel a little like within the scene itself, Sirius was a bit inconsistent. The running away I get, but then he says: She's used to people walking away from her. She probably already figured I would... If Sirius understands so well what his behavior must have looked liked to Belle, it seems harder to believe that he would see abandoning her at that moment as the better alternative to saying something nasty about her family. She'd just told him was that she's been abandoned by everyone she's ever loved, and he knows this, yet he still leaves. Or, if he's just realizing that this is how it must have looked to her NOW, in this very moment, sitting there with James, than I'd think he'd want to turn right around and go find her, not go to the kitchens. I LOVE the idea that he runs out. It makes him less perfect as a character, more human. But knowing and leaving anyway makes him selfish in a way you really haven't painted him to be.

And just as a technical note (and if I missed it, just ignore this part), I might consider adding a time stamp of some sort in this scene. We get a hint at how much time has passed later, but last we saw of James, he was in the hospital wing. Now he's chasing after Sirius, so clearly some time has passed, we just aren't sure how much.

Yay! More nasty Slytherins. I love that you continue to play with a range of baddies in this story. On one end you have Voldemort and Bella, totally evil and crazy-pants. Then you have Regulus and Alrek, these sort of middlemen, out there doing some dirty work while still maintaining a more respectable front. And then there are these Slytherin bullies, nasty in there own right without being Voldemort's trusted henchman, at least not yet. Not everyone who believes in what he's doing is out there killing people already. But that doesn't mean they aren't dangerous and scary and nasty in their own right.

It still breaks my heart that you don't like Snape, but alas, I shall forgive you for it. And I thought you did a great job with him here. It makes sense that he'd be hanging with this lot, and that despite their past friendship, he wouldn't be dumb enough to intervene on Lily's behalf in front of his friends (well, he'd probably be good enough at nonverbal spells to curse anyone who really meant to hurt her, but that's another story for another day :P). As for Lily herself, I was a little surprised she seemed so detached from Snape. You sort of tiptoe towards her feeling in the paragraph that starts: Lily did meet Severus's eyes this time. She wondered if all this was worth it... But the lines are very rational on her part. There isn't any sense of regret or longing for that old friendship. Or on the other extreme, anger at his being stupid enough to tangle himself up with this crowd, or thinking he's the worst of them all because he should know better. She's not even really indifferent, though I could see that too, if it was too painful to even dwell on it anymore, but that wasn't really addressed either. I just felt like their past warranted some sort of emotional response on Lily's part. Especially if she's then going to feel her heart break at the sight of his wand pointed at her. That tells me she still cares, or at least still held out hope he might change. And it would have been nice to see him mentioned in the last scene too. I assume he's still in the room, but Lily doesnt give him a second thought. But of course, that could just be me wanting more Snape!

One other little thing on this scene. Lily opens the chapter by saying she just wants to be alone, but then she suddenly wants to find James and Sirius. And then shes back to thinking, "but having a minute to just listen to the silence of the stone castle and enjoy the view." It just felt a little inconsistent.

I feel like I was extra critical on this chapter. I hope it doesn't come off that way. I REALLY enjoyed this. It's just the more we go forward, the richer the emotions get and there's more to discuss, which is hopefully a good thing. I think you mentioned that you hoped people could see an improvement in your writing. I know I sure can. Not that it started out bad by any stretch, but your mechanics continue to improve, your sentence structure is clearer, your details flow more organically, I haven't spotted an unintentionally change in POV in ages. You hardly even comma splice anymore! Really, you're just getting better and better with each post, which only makes the actually story itself shine all the more!

Author's Response: Hii ♥

I love James Sirius moments. Actually just any bromance type of moments. I think I’ve already went on my rants to you about how much I hate when the Marauders friendship is ignored, so I’ll spare you another one of those :P

Okay, I hope with the changes I made I smoothed out the inconsistent feeling. But I was thinking along the lines of what you said... that he didn’t realize how it looked until James said that she wasn’t even mad, and then it kind of clicked. Hopefully I’ve made that more clear, and with changing his reasoning to the kitchens.

Bellatrix Crazy Pants. HAHA. I love it. She makes another lovely grand appearance in chapter 20 ;) I’m so happy that you like the different looks into the baddie worlds.

I’m sory I don’t like Snape!! I like variations of him in certain stories, but I don’t like the one that JKR created. BUT I hope now I’ve given his and Lily’s past friendship a bit more... significance. I really want to not leave him out in the complete dust with this story, so I am extra happy that you do like him enough to stick up for him if I’m not giving him and Lily’s past enough recognition.

No! You didn’t seem like extra critical at all! The things you pointed out all made a lot of sense, and I’m excited to see what you think about the changes I’ve made!

Aww and I’m so happy that you see improvement. That’s such a huge compliment, and if I could reach through my computer I’d be hugging you right now :P

I’m sorry this response seems so short, haha. But I think I said the majority of it in the PM I sent you. Thank you again so much for taking the time to stop over here ♥ I know my chapters aren’t a short little walk in the park, and it makes me so happy that you haven’t gotten burnt out or anything ♥


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Review #7, by LovlyRita 

19th February 2013:
I AM HERE. LET US DO THIS.

Crap. It has been way too long since I have read this. I'm staring at it like...what? What happened? I'm so confused. *shuts up. keeps reading.* Wait no, I feel like I should confront this. Am I supposed to know what's going on? 'cause I like...don't. Am I bad person? I can't figure this out!

Oh wait there it is. And here's is a perfect example of where Ashley should just take her own advice and shut up and read. I'll never learn.

Ok so, section one recap: Ashley has no idea what's going on. Also, some stuff happens with Sirius. But on a serious note, I really like the way you've written Sirius here. You can see the scars that his parents have left on him here, and how his heart breaks for Belle and the life she has lead so far. And it is totally in character for him to just walk away, cool off, try and make sense of things. But James was there, and I love the exchange between them toward the end of this section, how Sirius talks about them having to deal with James and his Ego every day. Brilliant! And I LOVE how you tied in the marauder's map. perfect!

Things you'd only see in an HPFF: "before slipping out through the Fat Ladys portrait. " I'm not sure why this struck me as funny, but it did :)

Ok so I just started reading because I couldn't stop. I JUST COULDN'T STOP.

First and foremost, the whole thing where Lily decides that she likes where things are going with James, that she is happy in the relationship, I was just like HALLELUJAH CAN I GET AN AMEN UP IN DIS HOUSE?! I gotsta celebrate this.

But then this whole thing in the hallway with the death eaters. Like, I wish I Could explain my feelings. I can't. there are so many of them. First of all, Polly, if I could tell you how much I love this girl. She seems so unbelievably sweet, I just kind of wanted to like...wrap her in a hug, and then hug carry her all the way back to the common room. But not in a creepy way. in a like...you're adorable so I'ma just cuddle you and put you to bed with a lollipop kind of way. 'cause that's not creepy right? amirite?

Anyway, back on track, ugh I could just kill Rosier, I was so happy that Lily gave him what was coming to him. And let's be honest, what was coming to him was Lily being like "Gurl, yo face is ugly. U have a poor attitude, and those shoes aren't doing you any favors." and then of course he gets hexed. Ok, maybe she didn't call Rosier a girl, maybe she said some things that cut a lot deeper. And maybe I couldn't describe it the way I wanted because I had to stay 12+. But that's neither here or there. What I'm trying to say is, I LOVED this part where she broke some rules and just hexed him. He deserved it, and that remark that they made with the suggestive nature things, that's just not ok!

The whole thing with Severus, while well put, is still heart breaking for me. And I am sure it is for her too, because this was her friend, and it ended so terribly for her. I just hate that. But it's canon and stuff. Whatever. :P

Ok and then they get caught by Filch which was so fabulous. And then when they are in the room getting punished, it was clever to interview the portraits, I loved that. And also Abigail definitely reminded me of Pansy Parkinson in a way. Just the lying, she just was gross. I'm sure her shoes weren't doing her favors either. I wasn't a fan of her. But I'm glad that Lily just got off with a few easy detentions, even though it probably should have been more given the fact that she hexed a student.

And of course, James jumps to Lily's defense immediately, and McGonagall SHUT. THAT. DOWN. She was like...don't push your luck, crazy. And, you know, I get that. He got off pretty easy. I thought the Slytherin prefect got off easy too though, she should have had her prefectdom stripped. Slughorn shoulda laid down that law. But oh well.

And I did love the end of it where they all start laughing. Lily is standing there like "Y'all jokers dont even know. I almost DIED." and they are just like "You are hilarious." no but seriously, I bet it WAS hilarious for James and Sirius, because they were like "look at how the tables are turned now!" and I bet they are all glad that everything is ok.

Still, I can't help but feel like this is foreshadowing for ominous things to come. Because like, Rosier and the rest of the slytherins aren't like to forget this. And there is a part of me that kind of hopes that if it happens again that Severus might say SOMETHING. That's because I ship Sev/Lily so hardcore though. But not even romantically...I just want him to say SOMETHING. Don't just stand there, like seriously, you big idiot. SERIOUSLY. ugh. My feelings are just not cut out for this right now. *sigh*

Ok this is obscenely long. Clearly I loved this chapter and I can't wait to move on to the next one!! :)

Author's Response: Ashley!!!

The entire first paragraph had me literally LOLing. Like, if someone were around me, they'd have though I'd gone crazy.

I think Sirius's erratic sort of brooding nature is one of my favorite things to write. He's such a sweet guy, but he knows himself well enough to know that he can't always control what he says or does, so excusing himself from the situation was definitely his best option. Good boy Sirius, good puppy!

Do you ever wonder if the Fat Lady gets sick of being called a fat lady?

Like, a prefect introduces the students to her -- "And this, Gryffindors, is the entry to the common room. The Fat Lady's portrait will ask for a password and-"

"Fat Lady?Who you callin' fat? Didn't yo mama ever teach you better than that? Fine, I'll go on a diet. We'll see who's fat when I'm done!"

Then just runs off? Yep, I bet it happens all the time :P

You couldn't stop?! Best compliment everrr ♥

Lily has FINALLY clicked! Honestly, in my head I'm like -- isn't this all happening so fast? Then I tell Dan that, and Dan's like -- JAMI! THIS IS CHAPTER 17. IT'S NOT TOO FAST.

Then I have to remember that, oh yeah, I'm one hundred thousand words in. hahaha.

I don't even know if I can respond to any of this part of your review. All I can really do is tell you --

U-G-L-Y ROSIER AIN'T GO NO ALIBI HE UGLY. yeah yeah he ugly!

You know. I don't really don't understand that song. Hahaha.

I really love Polly, too. She'll come back in throughout all of this, and I just think she's so sweet and cute and little. You know, you didn't seem creepy for wanting to carry her back to the CR and put her in bed... but then as soon as you suggested the lollipop, you're creep flag went way up. We'll pretend that didn't just happen. Yeah? :P

I'm so happy you think he deserved the hex! I did too. He's a nasty piece of work. And I'm sorry he had to bring your Sev into this mess :(

That end. It kind of came out of nowhere. But really, what else were they supposed to do?? Sirius and James were just minding their own business for once, and then they come upon Lily and that craziness, and it just all went cray from there. They've done SO MUCH WORSE and never gotten caught, but it was so worth it and then you just have to laugh. Really. It was the only option :P

Thank you so much for making numerous days with this review, m'dear. You always make me feel warm and fuzzy, but still make me giggly. You've got talent, girl. Youz definitely got alibi. (Still don't get that. Hahahah)



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Review #8, by tyson123g 

5th February 2013:
Nice chapter.

Waiting for the next.

Author's Response: I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter! The next will be up on Saturday :)!

Jami


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Review #9, by starchickpotter 

3rd February 2013:
What a fun chapter! I really liked this one. I loved how you incorporated Dumbledore's defence of Muggle-borns.

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you liked this chapter ♥

Thank you so much for taking the time to review ♥

Jami


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Review #10, by CambAngst 

3rd February 2013:
Hello, again, darling! Lily sure didn't have to date James for very long before he started to affect her behavior. He's infectious that way, I think. People are drawn to him and want to see whether they can push their luck the same way that he does. Oh, if eleven-year-old Lily could see herself now. What would she say?

But first, we have to talk about Sirius. Being rather attached to all of these characters, I couldn't help but be disappointed with how he dealt with Belle's revelations. But all in all, it was perfectly consistent with how you've built up his character and it gave you a great chance to keep reinforcing the important things about him as he grudgingly talks through his feelings with James. I definitely liked the way that Sirius gave up and simply started to spill because he knew that James wasn't going to give him any peace until he did. Like I said before, "he'll keep calling and calling..."

Sirius has that kind of insight into Belle's situation that you can only get by suffering through a lot of your own problems in life. The additional things that she apparently revealed to him beyond the things she told Lily and Alice -- the fact that her mother micro-managed her weight, the fact that her parents would ignore her when she didn't behave as they wanted -- added even more heart-breaking layers to her life story. If Sirius decides to hop on his motorcycle and fly to France to curse the lot of them, make sure there's room for me in the sidecar.

"From the day he'd met Belle, he understood that she came from a closet full of skeletons. He had enough of his own to recognize someone hiding theirs." - Brilliant way to sum up the bond of understanding that the two of them share. Sirius just chooses to wear his on his sleeve while Belle has been taught the hard way that skeletons are something to be carefully concealed.

Ah, dear Lily! In spite of all the rules she breaks in this chapter, I thought you did a great job of keeping her natural leadership skills and her overwhelming tendency to do what's right at the core of her character. If you look carefully at each rule she broke, at the core of her actions was her deep love for her friends and her insistence on taking personal responsibility for their well-being. These are some of the things that are going to define Lily Evans and eventually Lily Potter as she's remember in Harry's day. So even though she's correct that James is wearing off on her, those traits that she's picking up only seem to add to the things that make her who she is. Bravo for that.

And some more of her natural protectiveness comes out when she confronts the four Slytherins. Grrr, she's a lioness! This confrontation was one of my favorites that you've written so far. It's hard to keep track of all the different power struggles, agendas and other strange dynamics that are playing out in this scene. You have Lily trying to assert control over a group of students that clearly view her as a lesser person because of her heritage. You have Abigail obviously trying to impress the Slytherin boys who are part of the "in crowd" of the Dark Lord's supporters. You have Mary, who has a history with Mulciber, and Rosier who has a history with all of the Gryffindors. You have Lily and Severus and... whatever it is that's left of their childhood friendship. I feel like I need a score card to keep up. And I think you managed to do justice to each of them.

The last confrontation between Lily and Rosier was really nicely done. You didn't drag it out or belabor the point. Lily is perched on a razor's edge, full of adrenaline and things happen in an instant, as they should. It was immensely rewarding to imagine Rosier hitting the floor.

I did feel badly that Lily had to see Severus make his choice. It's plain where his loyalties now lie. And who would have ever imagined that Filch's appearance could be a good thing?

The way that you tinged the entire scene in McGonagall's office with nervous humor was really clever. I've been in that situation, myself. In so much trouble that the only way your brain can process things is to find them funny. She holds up beautifully under the stress, recounting things in a very fair and accurate manner. I love all three teachers in this scene. McGonagall's righteous outrage and intense disappointment come ringing through, along with the small amount of pride she allows herself once it's clear what's happened. Slughorn never struck me as a pure Slytherin homer in the way that Snape was as Head of House. He wants to see his students do well, and this isn't anything of the sort. And Dumbledore was sublime in this. Measured and somewhat abstract in his comments, but with that edge of powerful fury lurking just below the surface.

The ending, with the three Gryffindors breaking down into fits of laughter, was perfect. For James and Sirius, in particular. Of all the things they've ever gotten into trouble for, this has to be the most noble. And Lily finally succumbs to the pure ridiculousness of the entire situation.

There are a lot of things, good and bad, happy and sad, heavy and light-hearted, that happen in this story. This was one of the most enjoyable chapters you've written in quite a while, I thought. The ending was such a happy moment shared between the three of them. And we all know that there are a limited number of those in their collective future, so I'm going to enjoy each and every one.

Until next time!

Author's Response: Hi ♥

I was disappointed with Sirius too. Bad dog, bad. But like you said, it's just him. Lily and Alice understood to just be there for Belle, but Sirius wants to fix it. Just being there doesn't feel like enough, and he wants to make every single person that added up to hurting her pays for it.

Hahaha I'll be sure to have him (and the other three, because we all know that Sirius couldn't go without them!) take you along ;)

I'm so happy it was clear that, even if she was breaking rules, Lily was still doing what was right. She lied, but she needed to help her friend. She went out past hours, but really, she *is* the head girl. She should be able to. And of course what comes next...

I really want make it obvious that even though she is a rule follower, her instincts and her need to help her friends comes before the rules. We're shown from canon that she doesn't like bullying, and that she's a very good student. Not that she worshiped the rule book to a Percy sort of degree.

Speaking of rule books... I wonder how large one to accommodate all of Hogwarts rules in it would be? Haha.

She may be blaming James for her new found... tendency to stretch the rules, but we always know that side of her has been in there somewhere ;)

That entire scene was quite the dance, wasn't it? I really don't like Abigail. Which is weird for me, because she was never meant to be a central character and still obviously won't be. Not as prominent as Malfoy was as a foe in the books. But I just really dislike her. haha.

I almost *almost* had Lily drop her wand and go the Hermione route, but I decided to save that for a time when she's really *really* angry.

Haha that scene was one of those total unplanned ones. It was originally Dumbledore and McGonagall talking about securing protection for the trip to Wales for L and J, but then I figured we'd learned enough through this chapter and we just needed to laugh. And those three *certainly* needed to laugh!

This one is one of my favorites, so far. Moony, Wormtail, Padfood and Prongs has been my favorite for some time, but something about this one just felt *good*. And we both know know it wouldn't be nearly what it is right now without your help ♥

Thank you so much for all your encouragement and awesome reviews/beta help/everything else ♥


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Review #11, by MissMdsty 

2nd February 2013:
I should've known you wouldn't actually write up the conversation since you said that Belle would never talk as much as she did in the chapter where she told the girls! But you're forgiven because whatever reaction Sirius might've had in front of her, his real feelings towards the subject were from the start for James' ears alone.

Now, moving on, you need to write me into this story now and have me marry Sirius because he is just ... perfect! His whole opinion on the issue at hand, his thinking, the way in which he reacted not only to her story but to the aftermath of it in front of James... I should have been a teenager in the 70's to get me a guy like that. Okay, I'm done fangirling over Sirius, I think. I can't promise anything!

The whole scene with Lily and the Slytherins was amazingly written. It showed me that she is past just being a fragile wallflower, afraid to move on and live her life and she is slowly becoming the woman that she was always meant to be. It's hard, of course, to see your old friends make very bad decisions but she held herself with grace and elegance and that is something that always warms my heart to see in women. I must let you know that this story is becoming my head canon (really, it's getting better and better!) and thus I shall tell you that in my opinion, the moment when Snape raised his wand, he burned the last bridge that connected Lily to him in any way. In my country there's a saying: "each bird perishes on its own tongue", which is to say that sometimes everything just hits the fan because you couldn't keep your big mouth shut. In this case, it hit the fan because you couldn't lower your wand and walk away, Severus!

I loved the little moment with McGonagall, Slughorn and Dumbledore. As I told you recently, I love how we have these breaks in the "heart warming and soul splitting journey" (that right there is the reason I clicked on the story in the first place! Now you know! Oh, and Sirius! Told you I couldn't help fangirling) of these characters to just see them be young, go to class, blow up a couple of cauldrons and get in trouble. I love the balance in your story, between what goes on in these people's lives and the reason they're all there in the first place, to go to school!

And to end in a note similar to what I said above, as far as "the journey" is concerned, so far you have delivered both the warmth and the heartache. I'm running out of words of praise and I might just repeat myself, but hey, you can't blame me. This story is wonderful and we're barely at its beginnings. And that gives me the warm fuzzies! :)

Ral

Author's Response: Hahah you are so right with Belle. I'm sticking by that, too. The girl is done with her monologues until she can learn to drop the accent :P

You can fangirl over Sirius as much as you want. It's so easy to do. He may have done some messed up things in his passed, but he's growing into such an awesome young man, right?! Swoons.

Oh god you saying this is becoming your head canon is the best compliment ever. That's why I try so hard to avoid reading Marauders when I write them, because I have them so specifically in my head that I don't want anything to mess with that, because I want other people to see MY head canon, you know? And It just makes me all warm and fuzzy at the thought of your head canon picking up my head canon. I probably sound like a crazy person. it's your fault, your reviews just make me so happy ♥

You clicked on the story because of the summary?!?! Really???! You never told me that! I'm mentally hugging you with so much squish in it right now.

Ahh I just don't even know how to end this review response. I know every review response I leave I say that I'm so happy you like this chapter... but I hope you know just how much I mean that. I'm so insanely thrilled that you like the characters, that they feel real to you and you want to be part of what happens through their next few years... I just want other people to love them as much as I do. And you do! And that just makes me want to cry.

Okay. I need to be done now before I become anymore blubbery.




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Review #12, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

2nd February 2013:
Hello again :)

So, quite a few exciting things happening in this chapter! I loved Lily's little rebel streak, but more of that later.

To answer your AN, I'm actually not disappointed that you didn't show the conversation between Belle and Sirius. I personally got a lot more out of seeing their reactions. Sirius reacted pretty much the way I'd expect him too so I was glad James was there to help his friend sort his head out. Sirius was right though, I can't believe how cruel Belle's parents were/are. To put your daughter through that is just plain awful. The protective streak that came out in Sirius though was pretty cute, I can't wait for these pair to get it together! I hope they follow James and Lily's lead soon!

Speaking of James, I love how you write the interaction between him and Sirius. I've been so focused on him and Lily that I hadn't realised how much I love listening to the two of them. The part where James reminds Sirius how strong he but doesn't want him to get a big head and then Sirius say's it would do him good to see what it's like for him Remus and Peter - yeah I was giggling a bit at that. I think you have the dynamic between them pretty much spot on.

Poor Belle. My heart went out to her. I understand why Sirius did what he did, but like Sirius thinks or says while he's with James. She's used to people just walking away from her and now she thinks Sirius is doing it. At least she had Lily and Alice - I hope you let her have Sirius too though, and soon!

Gah those pesky Slytherins. It was good fun to read Lily stand up to them though, and come out on top. I love that she's not afraid to fight, I mean she was outnumbered 4 to 1! It was a bit awkward with Snape - I wasn't sure how to take him at all. I hate the choices he's making and he's only got himself to blame I know, but I still can't help feeling a bit sorry for him. He wants power but he's going the wrong way to get it. I'm really interested on your views on him and how you'll deal with him in future.

I felt for Polly - we're starting to see the prejudice come into the castle now though which isn't good. I have to admit, I was just waiting for James and Sirius to rock up and help defend Lily. It was a shame we didn't get to see a few more curses fly - I wanted the Slytherins to get their comeuppance - but the way you did it was great anyway and they got what they deserved without too much trouble and with a little help from Dumbledore. I loved Dumbledore in this once again, I always hate when he's not lovely, twinkle in his eye Dumbledore but he couldn't have been in this chapter - what you did was great. You also did a really good job on McGonagall. I couldn't imagine writing either of the two and you do it so well!

The ending was lovely after a fairly dark chapter. Lily just giggling over the fact she was breaking so many rules and getting in trouble with James and Sirius. I loved it!

I think I've spotted three little typos for you (I hope you don't mind me always pointing them out, I just feel I'm being helpful when I do!)...

'have been able to hand that' I think hand should be handle?

'Her instincts ordered her tighten her fingers' I think it should be too tighten?

'Professor McGonagall sent nodded toward the headmaster' I think you either don't need the 'sent' or it should be 'sent a nod'?

Oh, have I missed something with the letter to Alice? I'm wracking my brains trying to think if I've missed something or whether this is going to be a new thing coming up in the next chapter... It's bugging me!

Amazing chapter as always! I can't wait to read more!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Ahhh I'm so happy that seeing Sirius's reaction was better than the conversation. I thought it felt better too, especially since we already know how most of Belle's conversation would have gone.

You would think that after seeing Lily and James finally step up, these two would get the hint, right?!

James and Sirius moments are absolutely some of my favorite to write. I'm so glad that you think I'm doing a good job with the dynamic between them♥

I'm really trying to do a fair job with Severus in this. I have a hard time finding sympathy for him, but then I have to remind myself that this is through Lily's eyes, and *she* would have found sympathy for him. I think, more than anything, it's probably just sad realizing that this is what it came down to. Her childhood friend of so long taking a side that we know isn't right. I think that after he called lily a you know what, and he apologized... then she asked him if he was going to stop being friends with Mulciber and Rosier and he didn't answer.. that was really their ending. They both realized it, as much as they didn't want to believe it. But Lily can't stay friends with a person who wants people like her dead, and he can't stay friends with her and still get the kind of power he desires. I don't think they ever would have ended up together, but I do think if Severus wouldn't have made the decision to stay friends with the Slytherins, then Lily would have willingly forgiven him for what he called her.

Phew. Sorry about that rambling.

No! I don't mind at all you pointing out typos! I really appreciate it ♥

Nope, you haven't missed something with the letter to Alice ;). That one will come next chapter ;).

Thank you so much for this amazing review. I love the detail you go into, and just hearing your thoughts on the chapter always makes me so happy ♥








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Review #13, by zipzin 

2nd February 2013:
I think you did an excellent job on what to include and what not to include. Lily's character is awesome and the whole speaking with the portraits thing is a very good idea. Can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: I'm so relieved to hear that! I was worried people would be unhappy about not hearing Belle tell Sirius, but honestly I just couldn't write the whole thing again and keep it interesting!


Thank you so much for your review ♥


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Review #14, by ValWitch21 

2nd February 2013:
Hi Jami!

I quite liked this chapter, particularly McGonagall, who isn't as objective as she should be but makes a lovely job of hiding this fact!

The interaction with Polly worries me -- it feels like the first /real/ interaction between the war and the secluded, comfortable world of Hogwarts.

You portrayed Dumbledore brilliantly, though I miss his twinkling. Of course, the circumstances are not twinkle-prone, but it would be nice to see a lighter side of him every once in a while. I feel like we get a lot of stern Dumbledore these days, though it's not necessarily a bad thing...

That scene of hysterical giggling at the end was great. It transitioned nicely from the dark chapter before, and gave us some more Lily/James time -- with Sirius there too, obviously, but still a light ending note.

Another lovely chapter, and I eagerly await the next one!

&hearts

Author's Response: Hi m'dear!! Thank you so much for reviewing ♥
I really wanted the interaction with Polly to give off that kind of feeling, so I'm really pleased that it did.

I agree with you about Dumbledore. I guess I've only really had reasons to bring him in if there's something negative going on.. I'll have to try and find a way to get just a small section of not so serious Dumbledore in!

That laughing scene at the end was a bit spur the moment. Haha. It just felt like the kind of annoying thing James and Sirius would do, and poor lily just couldn't control herself ;)!

Thank you again so much for your awesome review ♥ it plastered a huge goofy smile on my face. :)! I'll make sure to keep in mind that we need to see just a glimpse of our twinkly Dumbledore ♥

Jami


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