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23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Liana 

30th January 2015:
Funny that Slytherins are smoking Muggle weed. It sounds like there's one Muggle thing the Slytherins like.

Author's Response: Hello! :) I'm glad you found it funny - I imagined there would be elements of Muggle culture leaking over to the wizards. :P Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #2, by Secret Santa ;D 

19th December 2014:
Back with more!

I have a thing for hpff that incorporates Muggle drugs. I think it's just a realism thing because I've been a teenager before and if they were available, I know some of these kids would get their hands on them.

I love the interactions Tor has with the boys, they play off of each other incredibly well. Just enamored with all of these characters.

These peeks at her parents are some of the most telling parts. It makes sense that he'd warn them about staying away from Draco, knowing that his assignment was dangerous. It is a bit of dramatic irony there, wherein we know why and Tor does not. That creates a certain kind of tension and winks toward canon all at once.

The Nott family treats their house elf a whole lot better than the Malfoy family does. Interesting, considering the way Pyxis feels about them. Shows a bit more humanity,m maybe.

Laughing at Voldemort jokes is the best thing about this chapter so far because it paints this picture of them not taking things quite as seriously as we usually see with people on that side of the war. Also, quite funny.

A young Death Eaters association is a really awesome idea. I'm actually kicking myself for not coming up with it myself.

Haha, "forgetting" clothes you would never wear all the time is totally my thing.

Of course Slughorn is not impressed with a Nott, but has no issues with Greengrass. We know he does not typically go for known Death Eater families, which I sometimes think is mostly guilt leftover with feeling responsible for introducing Voldemort to Horcruxes.

I sure do hope that the Brew of Rectophobe is a Chekhov's gun because for some reason it seems like it'd be really cool and useful.. maybe that's just me. I tend to suspect that everything will come back eventually because that's how I write my stories, even though I know not everyone does that. I'm probably just weird :P

See you tomorrow!

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Review #3, by Jess the Enthusiast 

20th September 2014:
Great chapter! Considering that your main character is Astoria Greengrass, I'm a little nervous that things aren't going to work out with this muggle-born love interest and she'll end up marrying Malfoy. I haven't even met the love interest yet and the thought makes me sad!

Author's Response: Hello!!

I'm glad you liked this chapter! That's a very good thing to keep in mind through the story but I can promise that things might take some unexpected twists - she is still quite young, after all! Hehe, I'm glad you're already liking the mystery boy even if he hasn't shown up at this point - that's awesome!!

Thank you!! :D


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Review #4, by Teddy1993 

17th August 2014:
I like how you don't picture all Slytherins as bullies or gits, despite their different believes from the main characters we know from the books. How Pyxis treated his house elf, for instance. Very nice chapter.

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you like how the Slytherins are portrayed here! You're right, though they do have a dangerous side they are often nice people and not necessarily just mean because they're in Slytherin, though the darker side of certain characters does come out later in the story.

Thanks so much! :) I'm so glad you're enjoying it!


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Review #5, by BookDinosaur 

3rd August 2014:
So after a long and healthy break from reviewing I'm back again to pester/plague/annoy you with more gushy reviews because don't think I forgot. I did not forget. *nod*

Ergh, I almost wish that you didn't write so well because these Slytherins are perfectly in line with the books as in they're nasty and Death-Eater-to-be's and support Voldemort but you've done such a good job fleshing them out that they've become so much more human in my eyes than they were in the series when they were pretty flat and a Nazi allegory. And now I just like them and wish I didn't cause they're nasty but you've put me into a spot here, Jenna. :( I don't want to love them but I have to.

I really love how the two sisters are very different from one another and yet at the same time they both embody different Slytherin traits; while Daphne is cold and icy and remote, Tor's definitely cunning and knows how and when to suck up when she feels it would suit her. It's just interesting to see how there are quite a range of people in one house and they're definitely not all the same despite being in that one house. I hope that made some sense. :P

The tone of the story is somehow pretty light still, and that's actually really suitable since these Slytherin kids wouldn't really be feeling the proper effects of the war would they? I mean, none of the Hogwarts students are in direct danger but the other houses always fear for their family and friends who aren't in the protection of Hogwarts' walls; Tor kind of narrates all this carelessly because she doesn't know the full extent of the damage that's happening, and it's both interesting and vaguely horrible to be reading about such terrible times so lightly.

Haha, I love the shenanigans that they get up to in the dorms. ♥ It's so sweet to see them get to be kids and play tricks on one another, even if it's only for a bit. And I loved Selby as well, it's nice to know that some house-elves genuinely like their posts (unless Selby has been commanded to be happy... O.O ). :)

Ooh, so this is how it starts, hmm? I feel like Draco's trying to form some sort of anti-DA with this whole meeting thing, it'll be interesting to see how that works out. And somehow I found it funny that Astoria blamed Daphne for being "so very Slytherin" but then later exhibits completely expected/almost stereotypical Slytherin behaviour towards Professr Slughorn. ;)

Last things last, I think you wrapped this chapter up beautifully. I did laugh out loud at the poor stoned Puffs and I can definitely see some Snakes doing that to unsuspecting Badgers.

This was a great chapter, Jenna! There was definitely a lot of buildup but I do think it was necessary and you didn't make it boring at all, it was a pleasure to (re)read! ♥

Author's Response: Hi Emily!! :) Aw, you are too sweet! I'm so glad that you came back to review this, and I'm so sorry for taking this long to reply. :(

I love writing their nastiness while also making them more sympathetic through Tor's eyes. The good thing is that Tor herself is still pretty naive at this point in the story so she doesn't necessarily recognize how sketchy some of her friends are. :P I'm glad you still love them, though! I do too, and have faith that people can grow and change like you know already that Tor does. :)

I love your analysis of the sisters here, it's just perfect. I'm glad you noticed how cunning Tor is because it's a trait that she uses without even realizing all the time. All the characters are quite different but they are knit together by pride and ambition and it's really fun to write them, so thank you! :)

Ok I'm glad you like the light tone. It's changed a lot in the later chapters but your explanation here makes a lot of sense and makes me feel better, hehe. It's true, Tor especially at this point isn't really seeing things beyond the lens of her limited life and her family, so while she's worried about her dad she doesn't really think to see beyond that. She's very sheltered and blind at this point.

I love writing the shenanigans too! I imagined that the boys would have played with Selby a lot as a kid and would have that close relationship even if they do boss her around a lot as well without really realizing it. I modelled Selby after Winky mostly.

Haha, I love how you call Tor out on her hypocrisy here. :P In some ways she doesn't even realize how much of a Slytherin she is herself.

The poor Badgers! The Slytherins are so mean, haha.

Thanks so much, Emily! ♥ You're the best!


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Review #6, by bester_jester 

8th April 2014:
Hi lady :)

Reading a lot of your stories since I found the Victoire travelling one.

Loving this one so far. I like that it's set in Hogwarts era but focussing on a different group of characters.

Just one thing - in the Charms scene with the summoning charm; ' ďAccio quill!Ē The fruit flies into my hand and I gracefully wave it into the air.' A quill ain't no fruit ;)

Looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thank you! I'm excited that you wanted to check out more of my stories! I'll warn you though, this one is a little rough around the edges for the first twelve chapters or so since it was my first one. :P But I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far - I really like writing Hogwarts era and re-imagining the events from the books around Tor and her friends.

You mean you haven't heard of the rare quill fruit?! It grows on trees and is a common delicacy! :P Hehe, never mind, I went and fixed that bit. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D You are awesome!


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Review #7, by maraudertimes 

21st January 2014:
Hello! Review swap! And don't worry, I'm done my studying! (well, as much as I can do at this time with my resources)

So, first, I would like to commend you on your characters. Almost every single one of them is the stereotypical Slytherin, with Death Eater parents, already in line on becoming a Death Eater themselves, supporting You-Know-Who to their full extent, etc. While that might not be original in any way, your writing style and Tor's voice is such that I hate all of them for being on the Dark Lord's side, but I can't help but love them. All of them are just so funny and I can't help but love these horrible, twisted characters.

It takes a lot of skill to mould these seemingly cast-typed Slytherins and turn them into people I honest to goodness want to read about without wanting to rip their heads off every few sentences (okay, there have been a few occurrences when I've rolled my eyes, but never at you or your writing, but purely what the characters are saying and what they believe in). You have somehow managed to create a sort of anti-Trio, and for some strange and bizarre reason, I love it!

I especially like their antics with the muggle herbs. The part where they were insulting Filch? Harsher than the Trio would've done - yet I still love it. Also, when she said that derogatory comment about Professor Flitwick, I wasn't appalled. I've seen some pretty iffy lines in fics, but that one stood out for all the right reasons because I simultaneously wanted to slap Tor for being so rude, but I love her dimension and the fact that you are so good in writing a character that is so bad.

I hope I'm making sense in all this. It's pretty late here and I'm pretty tired, but the gist of this rambling is: I love to hate your characters, and I hate to love them as well. I do both! :)

Ergh! The infamous Theo Nott! I'm excited to see where his plot goes. And ooh! I don't know if this is considered 'right,' but I love Daphne. She's got the Ice Princess thing going on and she's honestly my hero. I wish I could be that awesome! I laughed at the mention of the commencement of puberty affecting the way Tor's friends acted around her sister!

This was a very nice chapter and I really liked it! I'm hoping to be able to read more of this story in the next coming weeks! (If exam preparations ever actually do go well for me...)

Thank you so much for the swap, and again: you've got some great talent at writing these characters. Oh, and did I mention that I love this plot line? Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh dear, I hope they aren't too stereotypical! :P I like to think that they all have their own motivations and values, though at this point especially they really are conforming to the norm and showing off a little to each other. It's great to hear you liked them, they were quite fun to write. :)

Haha, this story is SO cliche. :P My defence is that when I started writing it, the only story I'd read on here was Delicate, so I didn't know it was cliche yet. :P And it's a lot of fun to write and play with them.

I like what you said about being an anti-Trio - they're definitely a lot nastier. Don't worry, I roll my eyes at them all the time. :P

Haha well, teenage boys will be teenage boys! They are quite mean about FIlch, but like you said so were the Trio at times. Tor is such a brat in these early chapters - I have no idea why anybody roots for her, myself included at this point.

I'm glad you love hating them! :D

Daphne is quite awesome, but in a rather intimidating and frightening way. Haha, I imagined there was no way there wouldn't be some crushes on the older siblings of the friends.

I'm glad you liked it enough to want to keep reading! It's great to hear you like the characters so far- thanks for the lovely review! :D


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Review #8, by Courtney Dark 

10th November 2013:
Tag!

I'm continuing to enjoy this story - it just seems to be getting better and better, especially now that you have expanded upon all the character's personalities.

I really like Tor. I love that while she seems to be a generally kind, fun-loving person, no-one can doubt that she has that Slytherin streak - all your characters have that Slytherin factor, which makes for an extremely interesting read. I love how they keep mentioning things such as the fact that Filch is a Squib and how they enjoyed the Inquisitorial Squad last year. Your main characters already have so much depth to them, which is great!

I really liked Daphne in this chapter. Well, I didn't actually like her personality or anything, but I loved the way you wrote her and the way Tor described her. If I had a sister like that, I'd probably go insane!

Great chapter!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

I'm glad you're still liking it! I quite enjoyed coming up with these OCs and getting to know them, and I'm glad you like them too. It's great to play with the well-meaning, positive parts of their personalities but also, like you said, the Slytherin streak. They definitely have some nastiness, but I'm very happy you think they have depth too! :)

Yes, Daphne comes across as quite irritating through Tor's eyes. I'm glad you liked the way she was described, and there will definitely be more of her as the story goes on. :)

Thanks so much for this great review! :D


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Review #9, by MissesWeasley123 

27th September 2013:
Hello again!

I'm really loving Tor. I like her internal dialogue in this much better than the last, but yeah, I loved her eye roll at forgetting the red dress.

I really enjoy the scenes in which you describe her relationships with her family. Yaxley is almost likable, but then again he is still cold to them now, and a Death Eater so I'll try not to pity him.

I also very much like Taurus. I feel like I'm shipping Tor with everyone now haha :P But seriously, I think all your OCs have great personalities and are very likable.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this story takes off, it seems very good. I think your descriptions are brilliant as always and you're doing a great job with Astoria, and wield her character very nicely.

To the next chapter I go!

Also - Pyxis is a guy, and I totally read that bit on the other chapter wrong. I reread it and I was like *facepalm*. He was restraining from hitting Draco.. not something else. I thought he was a "she" the whole time. Pardon my stupidity. That was quite embarrassing.. Though I bet you totally "LOL"ed at that :P

A brilliant chapter, and I'm sorry for the confusion!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you're liking Tor! She can be pretty sassy internally, and writing her is a lot of fun, especially in the chapters where she gets to be more carefree. I'm pleased you're enjoying her family so far as well. Yaxley is one of my favourite characters to have put in cameos and Tor looks up to him a lot.

Taurus is such a great guy! I'm really pleased to hear you like all the OCs and are getting a feel for their personalities. I feel like I know them so well by now, so it's great to get this feedback from early on in the story.

Hahahahaha.

That's actually so funny. I went back and checked the chapter, wondering if I actually HAD specified that Pyxis was a boy and if any other readers had made the same mistake and just not told me. It was pretty funny. It would be even funnier if you saw the chapter image labelled Pyxis on this chapter and still thought he was a girl - to be fair, the singer pictured does have very pretty hair! :P

Thanks for this wonderful review! :)


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Review #10, by ChaosWednesday 

20th August 2013:
tag!

I've been meaning to come back to this for a while. Glad I got the chance!

This chapter may be a bit filler, yes, but it's for the better. You take your time establishing the tone of the story and giving each character a proper introduction. I'm enjoying that because, well, I'm the worst at remembering characters and I get so *frustrated* trying to tell people apart when the main action has already started. So, trust me, I'm very thankful for the extra time to get my weirdly selective memory up to speed!

You do indeed have many characters. The way I see it, you're trying to set the mood of the time and the generation and you're succeeding very well! The Slytherins may be very different (as opposed to just the sickly green mass of petty evilness they were in the books), but there are certain things that define and unite them. All these teenagers emit a sense of confidence and a sense of mission - it's very seductive! You make it difficult to dislike any one of them (and I had to laught at "Girl Goyle"). On the backdrop of the turbulent environment you've outlined, these characters promise to kick against passive compliance with their parents and their old-fashioned views.

Daphne's party sounds promising! The explanation that Theo and Draco are over-compensating for being excluded from Slughorn's club is a good point and I can't wait to read more of that. Generally, what I enjoy most in this story is how you explain all of the Slytherin's views as some sort of symptoms of entitlement and just basic teenage needs for being provocative and clique-y. This sets the scene for many shattering world views in the future. I can imagine the Slytherins will soon need to formulate their opinions for themselves, and I can't wait to see how much of a tragic trainwreck that will be, and I mean that in the most possibly positive way ever!

Oh, but I have to point this out because I'm a crazy cat lady: cat's don't lick your face! The only scenario I can imagine of a cat doing that is if you have smelly perfume on your face and she wants to wash it of. Or, if you believe the internet, if she wants to kill you or eat your soul. Maybe change "laugh as her rough tongue licks my cheek" to something like "laugh as her wet nose pokes my cheek" or something else, you know? Haha, sorry, but I had to.

Well, I'll try to be back for more soon - I enjoyed this chapter!

p.s. I had to laugh at Tor's mother warning the girls in her letter to not date people too closely related to them. Something tells me this is an everyday sort of inconvenience most pure-blood children must grow up with. I wonder if they are drilled with specific criterea for how to calculate " one relative in common and not too closely related" along side with other basic things like how shoeslaces can be tied and what a Muggle is.

Author's Response: Hello! :) Great to see you here!

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and the story so far, and didn't think it was progressing too slowly. I agree, throwing a lot of OCs at a reader at once is tricky, but hopefully you're managing to get a sense of each one. I think it was necessary for me as a writer as well, to get the character traits and histories a little more established.

I love how you find the characters actually likeable so far, and how they contrast the idea of the classic Slytherin. You're right, they are different from their parents, they just need the chance to realize it and grow as individuals.

Haha, yes I imagined Theo and Draco would be secretly very stung about not being invited to Slughorn's parties. Yes, I imagined the Slytherins as being quite immature and typical teenagers in many ways, with the need for respect and friendship, yet also with the possibility of growing and changing their views.

Ha! That's a good point about cats, I'm more of a dog person to be fair. :P I'll definitely re-visit that.

I'm glad you appreciated Tor's mother's warnings. It probably would be an issue for purebloods, since I don't think the pool of selection is that large. They're probably all third cousins or something! It would be an amusing situation, for sure. :)

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful review, it was a real pleasure to receive! :D


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Review #11, by patronus_charm 

20th July 2013:
Hi again!

I forgot to mention it in my previous review so Iíll say it here. I love the names youíve chosen for all of the Slytherin OCs it really adds an air of authenticity about it. Torís rebel side was showing again when she went to go and meet them all. I liked that as it made her break down social barriers and sets her up for dating a muggleborn. It was echoed again with the cheekiness towards Slughorn.

I agree that this chapter was needed. You developed the OCs characters really well and established Torís relationship with them which was needed because otherwise I probably would have felt a little lost!

The flashback was really great in this chapter! I really liked that Yaxley evidently cared about his family. Though he might have done it with a little bit of selfishness I still really liked it and gave me some hope that Death Eaters can, in fact, be kind and nice. The look he gave Daphne was great because it foreshadowed what happened in the rest of the chapter really well.

The little details such as openly talking about the Dark Lord and having a house elf at Hogwarts really showed that these people really were purebloods. I really loved as it gave it a great sense of realism. I feel as if I constantly say that when reading your work but itís true! You really do have such an eye for little canon details which really make a story work well.

The background to Daphne has made me not like her at all! I really liked that sheís the evil vindictive sister because it was fun to see her like that as sheís usually been nice in all the stories Iíve read with her in them. This gathering sheís trying to make Tor come along to doesnít sound like a good thing in the slightest. If Iím honest it sounds like a meeting of a cult!

The letter from their mother was really good for getting an insight into her mind. Sheís obviously different from most purebloods because she wants her daughter to get an education but then still holds those ideals such as talking to Macnair about whether Hagrid would be good or not. I think I quite liked her from that letter. Iím not really sure why but she just had this appeal to her.

Iíve really grown to like this story so I will be revisiting it even with the five reviews done! Iím going away on Tuesday though so it may be quite a long time until I get here but I will be back!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello again! :) Wow, this review is so long and awesome! :D

I'm glad you liked the names, I was quite pleased and think they suit them rather well. I agree, Tor does do as she pleases, and is perhaps more open-minded than she realizes. I still am a bit insecure about this chapter and even think it could have been combined with the previous chapter, but it probably was needed as you said to set up the characters and develop them a little further.

I'm very glad you liked the flashback again, they are some of my favourite bits to write and include as getting into the heads of the death eaters is just too exciting! And yes, he certainly has some strong, fatherly qualities as well, which is what Tor tends to notice in him.

I'm so glad you think the little details and mentions of canon work well! :) That's definitely one of the best parts of writing about the HP verse and Hogwarts era. And yes, for some reason I always pictured Daphne as the slightly demonized ice princess, at least to Tor. And since the DE is a lot like a cult which pulls people in and traps them, that is definitely a reasonable comparison to the meetings.

Haha, it's great to hear that you liked their mother's letter! Honestly, despite the coldness and harshness she sometimes displays I really enjoy the mother as a character and wish I had the chance to write her more often. She does want the best for her daughters, and I think she embodies how a strict pureblood mother might treat her children and also be prepared to fight for them.

Aw, you are so sweet! :) I'm very honoured you've enjoyed these beginning chapters and are interested enough to come back- I'm very eager to find out what you think of the later chapters if you do check them out. Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful feedback and praise! :)



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Review #12, by Illuminate 

13th June 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

I think your strongest skill is your characterisation- all of your characters are already fully formed in your head, along with all of their relationships with each other, and their thoughts and feelings about certain subjects seem organic and in keeping with their character. Your Slughorn was very believable and well characterised too :) As was your House Elf Selby :)

Your have a great sense of humour too! The idea of them doing Muggle drugs was quite funny and original, and looking at their effects on them was fun to read while still developing their characters.

I see that this is set during HBP, is that right? I'm very interested to see how the events of that book affect the characters, especially seeing as they're younger than the Trio and Draco etc :)

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi! :) Aw, you are so sweet for reading the first few chapters, I'm glad you had the chance to read more than just the prologue!

I'm glad you like the characterization, and you're right, I do have very complex ideas of the characters and their dynamics and personalities. I'm glad you noticed Slughorn, as I wanted to get the canon characters right, and the addition of the House Elf! :)

Ah, I'm glad you thought this was funny! I tend to do better with sad, angsty stuff, so hearing you were amused is just wonderful! I thought they were just being silly teenagers, and wanted to show how they can be ordinary as well.

Yes! The events do intersect them quite a bit, and Tor's realm of Hogwarts intersects on occasion with Harry's. I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far, thank you very much for a lovely review! :D


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Review #13, by marauderfan 

8th June 2013:
I'm back again :)

Tor is such an interesting character. I like her, but I don't like her, lol. She picks on everyone, is prejudiced (that's probably much to do with her upbringing) and yet there's something about her that makes her quite relatable. Maybe it's the fact that she has the potential to change, or she acts like any other teenager ("accidentally" forgetting the ugly dress, etc). I don't really know. But she seems like a realistic person and I think she's very intriguing.

The Slytherin boys are funny. I also thought it was hilarious that they were taking Muggle drugs, given the "typical" Slytherin hatred of all things Muggle. But I guess every teenager wants to be a rebel and what better way to do that than with stuff that would make their parents extra furious if they ever found out. ;)

This is a great story so far, I'm really enjoying it!

Author's Response: Oh, how wonderful are you, leaving me all these lovely reviews! :) I'm so happy you're continuing to enjoy the story!

I'm glad you're having all these thoughts about Tor! I really want to make her as realistic as possible, and you're right, she's both malicious and relateable. She does change a lot over the course of the story, however, and I absolutely love writing her and giving different sides to her personality.

I'm glad you liked the boys as well, and you're right, they are quite silly! I wanted to make them seem like normal, rather immature teenage boys, while also having that darker edge and naive ambitions.

Thank you for a wonderful review, I'm very excited you're liking the story and the kind words mean a lot to me! :) Off to respond to the other ones now!


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Review #14, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend 

26th May 2013:
Sorry it took me so long to get to around to this review! Time seemed to slip through my fingers the past two weeks. But here I am back for another chapter!

Smoking weed huh. Naughty little Slytherins. I like that you made her cough so much, signalling that smoking of any kind wasn't something she had done before. But it did surprise me they used a muggle drug. After all they seem to hate muggles as much as their parents do.

I wondered when Tor went into the boys room, why did her friend Amaris not come? Not that it is of great importance, but my experience with most girls in high school, don't go far without one female friend. Of course she is more of a boy's-girl, but still.

I really like how you give information in bits and pieces. It makes it easier to consume, since it does not overwhelm. Also, I like being a step behind the writer like that. Just learning as you go along, with the characters.

Another I really like is the little nudges towards Draco. We all know where they end up, but seeing how they interacted or well didn't interact in school is nice, it seems realistic. And their parents warning them to stay away is a sure way to make him more interesting.

I also like the interactions with her friends. They seem normal, not forced. And the effects of the drugs were gradually introduced, which made it realistic. It doesn't happen too fast and extreme.
Also on the rest of the chapter I like how you described her and her friends. Their behaviour seems very natural, realistic. And that makes the characters well rounded.
You said not too much happens in this chapter, but a good build up is very important and you are doing that!

They do all seem very nice to the house elf. Of course that could be due to the drugs. Or simply because not all families treat them as the Malfoy's do/did and more like you described the Nott's.
I'm liking your description of Daphne. It occurs to me that most girls find their older sister a beauty, much more so then they are themselves. Add to that, that she is older, I understand this could make her intimidating to the friends of Tor. She's just that image of the older sister of another friend. One that bullies that is. Nicely done.

And I LOVE the dating advice the girls got from their mother. If you share family, make sure it's not in a too near a past. Sounds about right in the world of pure-bloods.

As for the form of the chapter. I really like how you divided up the different parts with the announcement of the location of the next part.

And applause for writing in present tense. I always use past tense, I simply cannot do it any other way it seems haha.

Another Lovely chapter!

Small thing: you were missing an " at the start of the sentence where she informs the boys on her roommates.

Author's Response: Hello! No worries at all, I'm just glad you got a chance to read it! :)

I guess it was a bit strange that they used a Muggle drug, but my idea was that it would be easier for the boys to obtain than wizarding drugs, and that there are still links between the wizarding and Muggle worlds even if they don't think about it much. And I think Amaris was just tired and went to bed, though they do hang out as a group a lot. :) I'll try and clear these things up when I go back and edit.

I'm glad the style and the introduction of information flows well and isn't too confusing. I really love imagining all the details of these people's lives. I'm really happy to hear the characters come across as believable and realistic, especially the Notts -and how they differ from the Malfoys- and Daphne. You're right, there is some jealousy and resentment between Tor and her sister.

I actually have a lot of trouble writing in past tense, especially when writing in first person! :P

Thank you so much for this lovely and very helpful review!!! :)


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Review #15, by s2rocks 

25th May 2013:
I'm here with requested review:
I actually reviewed the chapter 2 in review tag so I thought of reviewing the next chapter :)
I really liked the chapter, it's s a good progression of last chapter and is a great ,mixture of suspense of course humor.
'Sometimes I wonder if I should have more female friends' I could totally relate to this and I loved the nickname troll and she-devil.
The portrayal of Daphne was awesome, you have really shown how beautiful Daphne was and Astoria is really intrigued by Malfoy's mission.
One thing she was annoyed by Theo's companion and i think she likes him or something.
The flashback good and I liked the warning their father gave him.
Slughorn bit was good and quite amusing.
Overall, nice chapter :)
(Sorry for this small review but I am having xams)

-Shelly

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked the chapter, and have had a chance to read more of the story. It makes me happy to know people are enjoying these early chapters because I'm quite insecure about them. :)

I'm glad you thought the chapters flowed together and there was a good balance of suspense and humour, which is what I was going for. I wanted to show the mixture of the intensity of their lives with the feeling of just being teenagers.

I'm glad you liked the portrayal of Daphne as well, and maybe sensed some of Tor's resentment towards her. And you may be onto something about Theo! :P

Thank you for the review!! :) And I didn't think it was small at all, I really appreciate it! Good luck with your exams! :)


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Review #16, by Calypso  

18th May 2013:
Hey there!

I love the blend of humour and tension in this chapter. The way that your characters can be discussing Quidditch one minute, and joining up as Death Eaters the next is brilliant, and feels totally natural. I'm enjoying all the different dynamics you're setting up amongst the different groups of Slytherins, and I'm sure they'll come to be very interesting later in the story! So far, you've done a wonderful job of making typically unsympathetic characters into real, 3D people- partly good, partly not-so-good, just like anyone else. The part with the House Elf was a good example of this.

I like the way you write Tor and her friends- it feels very comfortable. The way they treat Voldemort issues with a kind of fear and curiosity mixed with bravado feels perfect, and very realistic... and ohmygosh Voldemort on a broomstick! What an image!
By the way it's nice to read a female character with guy friends who aren't all in love/ in awe of her! And their conversations do make me laugh!

Tor's mother sounds wonderful! Her letter made me laugh out loud- especially the bit at the end about choosing an acceptable partner! I imagine Tor has quite a force to contend with at home with a Death Eater father and such a forceful mother and father!

Ooh and she gets on with Slughorn...? I can actually see Astoria as being good at potion-making somehow! I look forward to seeing how that will pan out...!

There were a few little typos I noticed in this- I think there was a missing apostrophe somewhere and the odd spelling slip-up... maybe have another read through and iron those out?

Overall I thought this was a great chapter. I simply adore how you manage to bring across the contrasts in this story- between comedy and anxiety, between anticipation and fear... Great job!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

I'm glad you liked the story, and that the characters are coming across as realistic. I definitely tried to blend being serious and silly, and to show that despite their strict beliefs they really are just impressionable teenagers. It's wonderful to know that the characters seem dynamic, and neither good or evil but somewhere in between, just like everyone is! :)

I thought Voldy playing Quidditch was just too silly as well. He's so independent, he would probably play every position at once, or just use dark magic on the other team. :P

It's great that you enjoyed Tor's mother as well! You're right, their house would certainly be full of many big personalities! I think since Tor's dad isn't known to be a DE, and because she's good at talking people up, that Slughorn would take a liking to her!

Thank you so much for this really lovely review, it was a real pleasure to read! I really appreciate all your thoughts on the story! :D


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Review #17, by Broken Butterfly 

11th May 2013:
Bb Here with your review...
I love it! I really love Tor's characterization of Daphne in this chapter, as she seems to me to be the oppisette. She already seems to be growing in this chapter from the last one. I have nothing but praise to give you. Can't wait for teh next Chapter! I am adding this to my favorites.

Author's Response: Hello again! I'm glad that you liked the descriptions of Daphne, and that you think Tor is already developing. It makes me so happy that you're enjoying this story!! Thank you for the lovely review! :)

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Review #18, by nott theodore 

9th May 2013:
I'm technically here for the review tag, but I would have been reviewing this anyway at some point. And this review would have arrived a lot earlier, if the page hadn't decided to refresh itself after I'd written the whole thing out, so here we go again...

This chapter is a good continuation from the last one as far as characterisation and plot development are concerned. You've also included lots of snippets that have made me very intrigued about future chapters, so you can guarantee (as if I hadn't already planned on it) that I'll be reading on.

I think you've managed to find exactly the right balance with Astoria's character here. It's refreshing to find a story that gives her a character outside of that as Draco's wife or romantic interest. With the simplest details, such as the nickname that you've given her, Tor has her own individual identity and has a strong personality and voice. There's the evident teenage girl qualities to her character, which make her seem normal and believable, but she also possesses some of the more unpleasant Slytherin qualities, which I would imagine are unavoidable with her upbringing.

I enjoyed your descriptions in this chapter as well, especially that of Daphne. I could see her very vividly in my mind, and Tor's disdain for her is realistic, since she knows the real person rather than admiring or fearing her. There's definitely some sibling rivalry going on there! I also liked Selby, and it was nice to see Pyxis treating him nicely rather than the way most pureblood families seem to treat their house elves - it actually reminded me of Regulus with Kreacher.

The Muggle 'substance' really amused me. I liked the way that the friends were using the name 'You-Know-Who' instead of 'The Dark Lord' and joking around about him rather than treating the subject with the reverence we saw in the last chapter - a clear sign they were under the influence of something! I couldn't help laughing at the idea of Voldemort wielding a Beater's bat and flapping around a quidditch pitch! The only suggestion I'd make for this is that perhaps Tor would have been more sceptical or disdainful of a muggle drug than she seems to be here, because she and the others have been brought up to treat muggles as animals. I think a line or two wondering what they were doing stooping so low before she decides to try it would fit with her character and the other Slytherins a bit better. The trick on the Hufflepuffs was pretty funny, though!

I'm curious about this idea of a Death Eaters' kids group! The way that Tor is so casual about the fact she's meeting up with the children of notorious killers is great - to someone who had been brought up to it, such a thing would have seemed completely normal. It strikes me as an antithesis to the DA.

Your portrayal of Slughorn was entertaining. The physical description reminded me of what we know from the books, as did his behaviour towards the students. I wonder if he'd have been as favourable to Tor if her surname had been Yaxley?

Just a few mistakes I picked up on:
"Soon, they're too deep. Its too late." -- It's too late
"I guess I've always been a meticulate worker" -- I think you mean meticulous (I don't think meticulate is a word!)

I'm really enjoying this story; Tor has a strong voice and your writing is compelling. I'll look forward to the next chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi!!! Great to see you back on this story!! And I am so sorry to hear the page refreshed on you, that is SO frustrating!!! Well, thank you for re-typing it, and such a lovely and detailed review as well! :D

I'm glad to hear you like the story so far, and that this chapter was a good continuation from the last!! Setting up a story and keeping the plot fresh has actually been quite tricky, but I'm happy that you're liking it and are intrigued about upcoming events!

I'm so happy that you like Tor as a character! I agree, she's often portrayed as being a nicer counter-part to Draco and a rather flat character, and I've tried to make her more dynamic and individual in this story. She's very fun to write! :) It's good to hear that she comes across as being a normal teen - she is still only fourteen, after all - and having those sometimes cruel qualities that are expected in Slytherins. Having her character develop and change over the chapters has been one of the most challenging and rewarding bits of writing this! :)

Ah, I'm glad you enjoyed the bit with the... substance. Again, in a lot of ways I see them as being just normal teens who like experimenting and breaking the rules. I thought Voldy on a broom to be such a funny image! Guess he's more of the fly-without-a-broom type of guy. I think that the idea of Voldy isn't quite a concrete thing to these kids either: they just see their parents being proud and powerful and try to replicate it.

That's such a good point about reacting to a Muggle substance! I'll definitely try to work something in to show Tor's disdain for Muggles when I go back and edit this. :)

Haha, it's a lot like the opposite of the DA! I imagined the Slytherins, a lot of whom would have been on the Inquisitorial Squad, as being secretly admiring that they didn't think of that idea first.

Haha, uh oh have I been making up words again! It's a strange habit :P Thank you for pointing those out! :)

Thank you so much for this awesome review!!! :D


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Review #19, by HandofGlory 

29th April 2013:
Review tag back!

I'm glad Astoria has some evil-like Slytherin qualities, although she's kinda crossing into Umbridge territory with the half-breed comment about Flitwick.

I don't think I would see Voldemort having a quidditch position. Even if he did, I can't really see him as a beater. Probably more a Seeker or a Keeper.

I thought Draco was alone when he went into the Room of Requirement. Oh well, I can't wait to read more, and hopefully Astoria goes to those meetings.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you liked seeing Astoria's darker side, she is a Slytherin after all and there are a lot of expectations from her peers on how to act!

I definitely don't think Voldy would play Quidditch either: he was much too busy doing dark and twisted things, and he's not much of a team player. It's a funny image, though! :P

My idea was that while Draco uses the room for his secret work, that picks up more later on in my story. For now, the Slytherins are using it to practice dark magic and just generally talk about their own self-importance. :P

Thank you so much for this review!! :)


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Review #20, by DancingMooncalf 

13th April 2013:
Haha, a table full of stoned Hufflepuffs, that must be great fun :)

You were worried of nothing, in my opinion this chapter is written excitingly enough to keep my attention to it. It got to see Astoria's few of the world a bit, which is quite interesting.
She's got a bit of a crush on Theodore, doesn't she?

You know, it always puzzled me, why is lord Voldemort so forgiving to the Malfoy family. He expects them to fail and still he lets them live when they do... while others or killed for merely bringing bad news.
Just a thought that came to me while reading, I wanted to share it.

It's made very clear in the letter from their mom how they have to balance to keep the right frineds in the right places. It's a dangerous game they play in the world of the Deaht Eaters. I wouldn't want to be involved.

Tor's image of her sister was really something. I feel some sister rivalry there.

You may certainly re-request whenever you like.

Maya

Author's Response: Aha, I thought so!! Those poor Hufflepuffs.

I'm so glad that you liked the chapter! And identified her feelings for Theo. :) Sisterly rivalry between Daphne and Astoria is definitely present, and it's good to hear that the tensions between them and the complicated social lives they lead come through.

Your thought about the Malfoys is certainly interesting! Perhaps it's because he knows that they love each other, and can therefore threaten to hurt one of their loved ones and therefore have power over the others? I.e. threatening to kill Draco's parents if he doesn't succeed in his bidding. But then again Voldemort doesn't really understand love... hmm.

Thank you so much for another great review and the speedy response!! :) I'll definitely be re-requesting.


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Review #21, by Siriusly89 

17th March 2013:
I love the fact that Tor is friends with the boys in her year! And she isn't all 'I can drink them all in under the table, I'm not a girl at all, unless there's a cute guy, then I'm 100% feminine!' she's just friends with them because they are nice to her, and she feels comfortable talking to them!

And Astoria doesn't like Malfoy? Then how in the world did she end up marrying him? Is this a Lily/James situation?

Or are you going AU with this novel, if you are, please tell me now :)

I like how Pyxis was nice to Selby! Just because the Malfoys were horrible to poor old Dobby, doesn't mean that everyone else was!

Aaaah! Tor messing with Phin was hilarious! I like how they sort of joke around about Voldemort, like proper teenagers, I really am loving this!

Ooooh! Tor has a crush on Theo! That's not going to go down too well with Malfoy, or the Muggleborn at the beginning! Who is he anyway? And when does he make his debut?

Death-Eater spawn meeting! I like how Tor realises that yes, the Death Eaters are killers, but she's not even scared, she just sort of says it causally! LOVE HER!

I don't know whether to laugh out loud at the Slytherins making the Hufflepuffs high, or be slightly offended (Hufflepuff here you see :P) I have decided I shall laugh! *queue laughter*

Aah. . . . anyway1 Another really good chappie! Unfortunately I don't have time to read the next one, so please feel free to re-request :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the friendship Tor has with the guys and that its not cliche :P I tried to model it on the Harry-Ron-Hermione type of friendship in which romance takes a back seat.

At this point in time Malfoy still in his arrogant, jerk stage, and when thinking about the rivalries the Death Eaters have it would make sense that it would carry through to their children. They still have a lot of living to do before getting married! However, I am planning to stay as true to canon as possible, not AU: I actually think its more challenging and fun to be creative within the confines of the canon, at least in the case of this story :)

Mr. Muggleborn actually appears a few chapters in, around Chapter 5 I believe.

The Slytherins just pick on the Hufflepuffs in their year because they're too nice to fight back... or are they, hmm... *writes down idea for future chapter*

So grateful that you've liked my story so far and took the time to keep reading and reviewing :D Thanks so very much, I'll definitely be re-requesting :)!!!


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Review #22, by AHeat 

14th March 2013:
Okay, two things:
1) Platform 13 and 1/4? Confused...
2) So she's Yaxley's daughter, but she goes by Greengrass... I'm guessing that Tor is for Astoria? Is Greengrass from her mother?
Great chapter, can't wait to keep reading :)

Author's Response: Haha I think my idea was that they were talking a few platforms down from the Hogwarts Express to avoid being overheard, and that perhaps there is a Platform 13 1/4 which wizards use to get to Wales or something. Who knows! :P

And yes, I decided to complicate her family situation, and later chapters elaborate why a bit better. I gave her the nickname Tor first because "Astoria" is a bit of a mouthful, and also I want her to have a persona beyond being Astoria Malfoy's wife, because she's a lot more than that. :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by marauder5 

18th February 2013:
Oh, so it was Greengrass! Sorry, I probably just missed that part earlier. Interesting... is this story going to be canon? i.e., is she going to end up with Malfoy? I'm exited to see! I know she'll fall in love with a mudblood, but perhaps it won't work out between them (they do have the odds against them, right?)

I find myself totally sucked into this story. I love the characters that you've come up with - the Nott brothers, Daphne... I especially enjoyed this description of her: "Daphne is an ice princess. Iím surprised the plants in the greenhouses donít curl up in cold defeat when she enters their sanctuary, and thatís including the naturally aggressive Venomous Tentacula." Brilliant :)

I also liked the idea of this group that they're forming, the kids of Death Eaters. It seems a bit like the opposite of DA.. except they probably won't learn dark magic there. Or will they?

Tor's friendship with the guys is wonderful. I love reading about their interactions. You're a talented writer. Normally, I like stories with lots of descriptions of environment and the way everything looks etc., but your story really doesn't need it. It's perfect the way it is, and it just keeps getting better. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Hello again! Yeah, I picked Astoria because I thought she would be an interesting story to tell, but I wanted to give her an identity and voice beyond Malfoy which is the main reason I gave her a nickname. I'm planning to stick with the canon as much as possible, however I like the idea of Malfoy still being a jerk at this point in time, so any future he and Tor may have together is very far away!

I put Tor as Yaxley's daughter because he has some good lines in the books which I'd like to tie in, but yeah the name change was a bit confusing! Hopefully the reason Tor and Daphne go by their mother's name makes sense in the later chapters, I was playing around with the canon a bit there and wasn't sure if it made sense even to me. So no worries for you being confused :)

Thank you so much for reviewing! Your thoughtful and kind words are amazing and also helpful for the future of this story!!! :)


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