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48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell 

22nd July 2015:
Oh my gracious, WHAT a prologue!

I am absolutely sucked in, dying to figure out what is going on.

I love how you really characterize the Slytherin/Pureblood dilemma. It's easy for Harry and the others to think of the Death Eaters as monsters--and in many ways they are. But for all the kids in Slytherin House, all those who didn't choose to fight or who went along with things they might have been uneasy about, those were their parents and uncles and childhood friends. They had seen those people be kind and gentle. It was impossible to think of them as evil. You do a wonderful job in showing that human side, and how difficult it must be to straddle those worlds, since it seems clear our heroine has some blood traitor sympathies.

I'm dying to know who they are, and what he needed to close his mind to hide. This is a very well-written prologue. Tense, full of questions, leaves me wanting more. Excellent!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny, thank you so much for this! :D

I'm glad that you're intrigued by this prologue. It's the first thing I EVER wrote for HPFF and will always have that special place in my heart. It's so interesting to really jump into the Slytherins and what their own personal tragedies and dilemmas were at this period in time.

Thank you so much! :D


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Review #2, by Issielikespie12 

20th July 2015:
I really like it so far. Great Story!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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Review #3, by Liana 

30th January 2015:
This looked good so I thought I'd try it out. It's strange how the girl narrating remembers the Death Eaters from her younger days and compares them to how they are now. Hard to believe they were nice once.

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you decided to try this out, and thank you for all the lovely reviews! :D It definitely is hard to believe they were nice, but that's one of the paradoxes this story explores quite a bit.

Thanks so much! :D


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Review #4, by BellaLestrange87 

19th December 2014:
I really loved this first chapter, and I'm addicted already. I can see why you won a Dobby for that reason :)

There was a lot of tension in this chapter, and fear as well. I could feel Astoria's hope for this boy - whose name we don't even know, or her feelings for him. (Well, about the feelings, your summary sort of reveals that.)

I liked how you showed the two sides of the Death Eaters there. We see the caring side of them, fathering their children and helping out with their friends' children. It provides a nice contrast to the one-dimensional evil view that Harry sees in the books.

It seems to me that Astoria doesn't agree fully with the purebloods. One, she obviously likes this unnamed muggleborn boy, and fears for him. She wouldn't exchange a grief-stricken glance with him otherwise, and lie for him. Second, she is disgusted with Greyback, and the way this boy has been treated. I like her already.

Excellent opening chapter! I love this story already!

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Review #5, by Secret Santa ;D 

17th December 2014:
Hi there!

As it's the first day of Secret Santa, I'm stopping by to leave a review. Which actually works out really well for me, considering that I've been meaning to read this story for quite some time. I'm thinking that a review every day this week will be fun :)

Can I just say that this works superbly as a prologue. It does every single thing it is supposed to. I imagine that this is all taking place after a good portion of the events of the story. I don't know how anyone could possibly NOT read on. This is the most enthralling thing I've read in a long time. You really just want to find out what lead to all of this.

The mood you set here is just unspeakably eerie. You really captured the spirit of what we saw in canon as far as being held captive by Death Eaters goes. Greyback is a particularly terrifying person to be interrogated by, I can imagine.

I am itching to find out how it is that Tor knows this person. And whether they're from canon or an OC, too. I'm just curious about everything here.

You really humanized the Death Eaters there in that paragraph. It's strange to think of them as regular people with friends and families. They always seem so homogeneous and singularly dedicated to their (horrible) cause that you forget these people have other facets to their lives.

The end is so powerful and heart-wrenching. Silently begging him to close his mind for his and her sake. The thought that even she, the daughter of a Death Eater can fall victim to their wrath is terrifying, if not surprising. Excellent all around. I cannot wait to see what direction you bring this in going forward. See you tomorrow!

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Review #6, by ThegriffindorFairchild 

10th December 2014:
Hey, i just finished reading ur story, it is great, i really hope u
keep writing, but i wanted to know if u plan on keeping with jk s
storyline, making astoria marry draco. I really hope u wont :/

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! I do plan on following JKR's canon, but there will definitely be some twists and turns and it might not work out exactly as people might expect. That sounds quite cryptic, but I'm excited to continue to share Tor's adventures.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #7, by coleridgeandco 

26th October 2014:
I'm already loving this and I only just started reading it...

Author's Response: Hey! :) I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for the kind review! :D

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Review #8, by Jess the Enthusiast 

20th September 2014:
I clicked on this story because I thought the concept was really intriguing, and this prologue doesn't disappoint! I'm excited to continue reading :)

Author's Response: Hi!! :) Yay, I'm so glad you like it so far, and thank you for all the reviews!! I really appreciate it! ♥

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Review #9, by Teddy1993 

16th August 2014:
A promising start to what seems to be an interesting story. Your writing in this first chapter was very good. I'm curious to where you'll take this.

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thanks so much! I'm so glad you like it so far! :D


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Review #10, by jailbird 

23rd July 2014:
Wow, this was brilliant! I albsoltely LOVED it.
Seriously, no critism here. I'm going to go read the next chapter. I'm sorry for the unhelpful review, but I'm really excited to read on!

Author's Response: Hi! :)

Wow, thanks so much! This was the first chapter/story I posted on the archive and it means so much to know people are enjoying it. Thanks for stopping by! ♥


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Review #11, by BookDinosaur 

7th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014!

JENNA! Since I've read this and blatantly and unashamedly enjoyed every second of it I decided that Event Five was the perfect way to review-bomb this story and hope that you don't mind me throwing compliments left right and centre at you because let's face it, that's probably what I'm going to be doing. :P

Right from the start, I love love love how you establish Death Eaters as normal people as well as ruthless ones, people with families and fathers who love their daughters. it just really shows that there are truly two sides to every war, and everyone, no matter how awful they might seem, is human too. The memories you slipped in here were so adorable - Narcissa taking the girls shopping, Nott shooting stars and smoke out of his wand for his friend's daughter. It just does a fantastic job of enhancing that human side that we know they have somewhere (deep down), you know?

Ahh, the fear in this chapter was so convincing, though! I don't know how, but somehow, without much dialogue, you really manage to capture the fear emanating from the boy on the floor and the scariness of the Death Eater men who can actually be so nice. :(

The way you have of describing the scene is perfect, and you really managed to establish the scene while slipping some more happy stuff like her memories in and not have it seem awkward, but you already know I adore your writing to bits so yeah. :P You build up the suspense and the mystery of it all so perfectly, and even though I know what going to happen I want to reread this thing just for the fun of it, which probably isn't a good thing sonce it's over 100k words long now, right? :P

So anyway, this is a fantastic start to your story Jenna and even though I've already read it, it has me completely sucked in, which seems to be a bit of a problem. :/ I'll need to look into that. :P

Author's Response: Hi Emily! :) Wow, how sweet are you? It means so much that you not only enjoyed this story but liked it enough to come back and read it again - yay!! Thank you!! :D

I'm so glad you liked the prologue and how the Death Eaters are introduced. It's fun for me to look back on the early chapters and how already the contrasts and multiple/contrasting identities are set up in Tor's life. Of course the family connections and tender moments are so important and I'm really glad you noticed them here.

Thank you! I'm so excited to finally post this scene at the end of the story and show how things have changed and how the reader's perspective on the moment changes. It's such a fearful time in everybody's lives and I'm pleased that came across.

Aw, thank you! ♥ It's so funny since these are literally the first 500-ish words I posted on the archive and how my writing has changed/stayed similar since then. Haha, this story is a nearly 200-K beast now (gulps). I have no clue how it ended up this long, and there's still two sequels to write as well!

Thanks so much, Emily! :D It really means a lot! ♥


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Review #12, by Lostmyheart 

17th May 2014:
Hi Jenna!
(I shamlessly looked up your name in you profile)
This was a very great start, though quite short but I don't mind. I prefer reading short fics, for some reason.

I love how you described the situation, who was there and then the memory she had of them when she was a child. It showed a different side of the Death Eaters I've never seen before, that they once were normal people too (but maybe not, the memories were after the first war, so they probably weren't innocent when they watched her grow up) and I really liked it.
I'm so curious about the unnamed boy, and it seemed like they once had a relationship, or friendship.

I'll read on :)
I really enjoyed reading this, you're very talented!

Avi

Author's Response: Hi Avi! :)

Ahh, I'm a little insecure about the opening chapters of this story as they're so old and I've written hundreds of thousands of words since these (which are hopefully better than this :P) but I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far. This is like my only chapter ever that's low word count - they tend to number around 5K these days, eep. :( I have a bit of a rambling problem. :P

Anyway! I'm glad you liked seeing the other side to the Death Eaters, this story has tons of that! They definitely weren't innocent but they were able to put aside those dark deeds.

There's definitely something up with the unnamed boy! :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #13, by Veritaserum27 

5th May 2014:
Hi!

Tagging you from review tag! Wow! Great prologue. I've seen you on the forums, and I have hear others praising your writing so I was excited to see you were up!

I have recently discovered that I really like Astoria stories and this is such a great star! The way you tell the story in so few words is really fantastic. You did such a nice job describing the scene that I thought I was watching movie seven again! I love the last line, because you built so nicely up to it with your descriptions of how kind her family friends had once been. Astoria is still quite young at this point, but she is obviously in love and is old enough to know the rules of the game have changed since she was a child. I tried to think of who the victim was, but I couldn't figure it out. It just makes me want to read more!

Great start!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Aw, thanks, that's so sweet! :)

I love Astoria too! This was my first chapter ever and my first real story so its a little meh at times but I'm glad you liked the prologue. You're totally right about Astoria, she's both young but has also seen a lot and seen people suffer. The victim is a bit of a secret at this point though he does appear quite soon in the story.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)


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Review #14, by Unwritten Curse 

6th March 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for Blackout Bingo. I just can't stay away from your stories. :)

By the way, the banner on this story is GORGEOUS.

*ahem* So, I'm really intrigued by this prologue. I like prologues that start at a climactic point and leave me guessing as to what is happening/how things have come to this point. I know from the summary that a Slytherin falls in love with a "Mudblood" so I'm guessing that is what we're seeing here. But how did they get to this point? I wish I knew, because I'm sure I'd be screaming at the screen if I knew all the details.

I really want to get back and read more of this. I need to stop signing up for every challenge and contest and whatnot so that I have time to sit down and read! Your writing is stunning and I really need more of it (and a novel-length sounds lovely).

I JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHY ARE THEY GOING TO DIE?

Okay, I'm done. ;)

xx Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina! :D Great to see you back!

Ahh, I know right? It fits the story perfectly as well, she really did a wonderful job of it.

Hehe, I'm glad you're intrigued! :) I wrote this so long ago but it's nice to get such positive feedback. It takes the whole length of the novel to get to this point, in fact, and I'm still on the journey to get there, but it's been a lot of fun.

I'm so glad you liked this - I've been writing it for so long that it's so lovely to hear comments on the early chapters and what people think of it. Thanks so much for the awesome review! :D


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Review #15, by LilyLou 

1st February 2014:
Hi, Jenna!

So I have been meaning to start reading this story, so here I am! This review swap was the perfect motivation to start.

This is definitely interesting! I love forbidden loves *sighs*. Or, at least I am pretty sure that this is a forbidden love.

I cannot wait to read on! This prologue was so short, and it leaves me wanting desperately to read on!

Great start to this story!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hi Janelle! :)

Aw yay, I'm glad you got the chance to come check it out! :) I'm glad you liked the prologue, and yes, forbidden love is just the greatest, and this is definitely a story all about it.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #16, by ReeBee 

17th January 2014:
Wow! I loved this!!! I mean, there were heaps of 'I'm the daughter of Voldemort/a death eater' stories, but this is amazing! I've actually been meaning to read this for a while now, but I never realised it was your story! Can I just let u how much I love your writing style! Eep! So so well done!! I could feel the emotion in the writing style!! I'm using way too many exclamation marks :/

Anyway, ooh, I wonder who the boy is?? A canon character? And the girl?? Canon?? I'll have to see!! Interesting!! :D and I loved her characterisation! I love that she doesn't seem that bad or one of those crying weak types when faces with a romantic interest. She just seems normal, which I love :D

And my totally favourite part of this story is definitely the characterisations if the death eaters. I mean, sure, they're cruel and mean (light word :/), but they are still human! And who doesn't live little kids? I absolutely loved that part! It made me tear up that such apparently nice people could do such terrible things. And that's really realistic, that things aren't what they seem... So that was awesome!

Great job!! Loved this! Can't wait for more! :D thanks for the awesome review swap! Talking about that I need to respond to all those amazing reviews that left me speechless!! :D

-Curie :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked it! :D I agree, there are a lot of stories following that vein. When I started this I hadn't read any of them yet, so hopefully it manages to be original. :P I'm glad you wanted to read it for a while - yay! It's wonderful as well to hear you liked the writing style and the emotion. :)

You will have to see! :D I'm glad you like her so far- I'm very attached to her by this point, so getting feedback on her is really great. She is quite a normal girl, she just seems to end up in abnormal situations.

I'm glad you liked the Death Eaters as well! A big theme of this story is balancing their evil and human qualities and exploring how they can be so horrible to some people and so kind to others. I imagined it would be confusing for her, as well.

Thank you for the fantastic review! :) I hope you like it if you continue to read on! :D


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Review #17, by shez 

9th January 2014:
Ok. This is so good. I don't even know what to say and that doesn't happen often. It's not often that I find a story that just clicks from the very beginning and you have me hooked. I already know I'm going to fall in love with this story. This is so evilly short and your writing is astounding and cunning and deliciously dark. I have no idea what's going on and who the MC is but she's the daughter of a Death Eater so that's going to be exciting and I love the banner so much and I can't wait to find out what happens. I'm so glad you have tons of chapters out because the waiting would kill me.

Thank you for filling that "addicting story" void in my life.

Basically, I'm adding this to my favorites. And I'll probably be stopping by again.

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, thank you! :) I hope you continue to like it! I wrote these early chapters so long ago and they're a little rusty, but it's wonderful to get such lovely praise. Cunning and deliciously dark?! That means a lot, especially something from you! :D

Yes, there are a lot of mysteries, and I'm in love with the banner myself! This story is a bit of a beast and growing very quickly- I just put a new chapter into the queue, hehe.

I'm very honoured to fill that void! Thanks for the amazing review! ♥


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Review #18, by maraudertimes 

7th January 2014:
Hi!
I'm here for the review swap from a while ago, I just got completely off track and real life kinda sucks sometimes... sorry!

Okay, this was really scary and I'm super intrigued. I thought it was really well executed though and I'm excited to see where it goes! I wonder how 'Tor' and the boy know each other, but I'm scared that it's an intimate or loving way, because no!

Yeah, so because it's a short chapter I'm going to review the next as well!

This is really cool. Just saying. :)

Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello! Don't worry at all, I didn't even realize! :)

I'm glad you liked it! I wrote this so long ago and the whole story sort of builds up to this moment, so it's exciting to know that it draws people in. I'm glad you're asking questions and curious about who these people are.

Thanks so much for reviewing! :D


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Review #19, by TheMarauderChick 

30th December 2013:
I really like how this starts! It is suspenseful and makes all these questions run through my mind. Who is Tor? Who are her parents? And whose is that boy? What kind of relationship does he have with Tor?

Great start!

-Sankavi ^_^

Author's Response: Hello! I'm really happy to hear you liked the beginning, and that it had you asking questions. I guess you'll just have to read on and find out! :)

Thank you for the lovely review! :D


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Review #20, by GingeredTea 

27th November 2013:
The way you began this chapter was almost as powerful as the way you ended it and that's simply perfect, because by the end I was invested in your character. Brilliant.
I love how you jumped into the action and began with a sentence that made me need to know what was happening and who was telling us. The way you described the Death Eaters as champions of her childhood was so beautifully done that it escapes me how to describe it at the moment. Clever.
I hope I catch you again really really soon in review tag. Actually, if I haven't very soon I'll see you anyways because I simply MUST KNOW what is going to happen and who this boy is.

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the chapter and the way it began and ended. It was the first thing I posted here and very minimalistic and suspenseful so I'm really pleased it's drawing people in! :)

Yes, it is rather mysterious about who is telling the story! I'm glad you liked that line as it was one of my favourites as well. Thank you for this wonderful review, and hope to see you back sometime! :D


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Review #21, by TheGirlWithTheLaughingFace 

25th November 2013:
Review Tag!

Wow, you have me completely hooked already just from the prologue.

I'm just aching to know who the boy is, who the girl's father is and how the girl and boy know each other.

You gave just enough to hook us and now I'm off to read the next chapters.

Author's Response: Hi! :) Aw, thanks so much! I'm really glad you like it, and that you like the next chapters if you get the chance to keep reading. I'm a little iffy about these early chapters since I like the later ones much better, so getting this positive feedback is really great!

I'm glad you're asking questions and wondering what on earth is going on- that means the prologue did its job! :) Thanks for a lovely review!


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Review #22, by toomanycurls 

12th November 2013:
Ooooh, oh my. this is quite an intense start to the story!

You describe how the death eaters act so well. They come across so evil and mean - very much like I'd expect them to sound. When you said Greyback was asserting his alpha male dominance, it was *perfect*.

I love the narrator's perspective and recollection of all these death eaters but in happier times. How they were all so close to her growing up and now she's seeing them do evil for the Dark Lord - it's such an amazing contrast.

I quite love the drama you end with. I can feel how tense it is and am rooting for the unknown prisoner to do as she bids. This is quite an amazing prologue! great job!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Aw, thanks so much! I'm glad you liked this chapter as it was the very first scene I imagined and set the stage for the whole novel. I quite like writing the Death Eaters and their evilness, but also making them a bit relatable through their kids, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. :P

Yay, you like the contrasts! The whole story is full of contradictions and gray areas so I'm glad that came across very early and that the tension and fear really comes across.

Thanks so much for reviewing! :D


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Review #23, by Courtney Dark 

31st October 2013:
Tag!

I confess, I have been meaning to start reading this story for such a long time because I have heard about it/seen it a lot around the forums and it sounded really good! However I seem to have next to no time for fanfictioning these days (sob) so have never managed to get around to it. But here I am!

This was a really good, intriguing prologue, and I am super interested to read more now! I already want to learn more about your main character, more about this mudblood boy, more about her upbringing/school days and I definitely want to find out about the events that led her to this point in time! In other words, I really enjoyed this first chapter and really can't think of any constructive criticism.

Nice work! Expect me back here at some point. I can't say for sure when but I WILL BE BACK!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, I'm glad you got a chance to come check it out! :) I love reading people's reactions and predictions to beginning with the prologue, though it feels so long ago now that I wrote it.

I'm really happy that you liked the prologue! :) Wanting to know more is definitely good. I personally think the next few chapters are the weakest ones and the story picks up a lot more around chapter 5 or so- I was really experimenting with my novel setting-the-scene skills. But I hope if you do return you enjoy the next chapter as well!

Thank you so much for this really lovely review! :D It was so exciting to receive.:)


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Review #24, by MissesWeasley123 

24th September 2013:
Hiya! I've been meaning to start on this for a while and saw it got updated and figured I might as well begin now.

I really like the whole idea of the story. Your summary gives just the right amount of information to draw in the reader and so it's really quite fascinating to see how you'll take this one from here.

You couldn't have started this off any better way. This first chapter is flawless.

I love the description you give in this. I like Tor already and she seems like a very well thought out character. The depth and detailing you gave to her was just right in the sense that it left me wanting more. I want to know more about her.

I liked the part of Tor's inner monologue best. When she began thinking about Death Eaters who she had once believed to be great people, people who showered her with love as a kid and people who she had known for so long were doing these cruel things. It really made me feel for her. I sympathized with her and her emotions were understandable. Everything about this was just perfect.

I loved the way you ended it:

These are dark times, when friend turns on friend and nobody is safe, not even daughters of Death Eaters.

I'm so amazed at that closer. It was something that I relished because it was so shaking. Yu worked magic with that.

Wonderful, and onto the next chapter I go!
~Nadia

Author's Response: Hi! :D Gah, sorry for taking so long to reply to your awesome (and often hilarious, hehe) reviews! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and leave your thoughts on my story! :D

This prologue was the first part of this story I thought of and wrote, even really before I knew the character was going to be Tor. I'm so pleased you liked it, and that Tor comes across as likeable even though the chapter is quite short and sparse.

Writing Tor's inner monologue, which is often so angst written, is one of the best parts of writing this story since she flows so naturally. I'm glad you liked the contrast with the DEs being kind to her and cruel to others, and that you could sympathize for her.

I love that last line, and I'm pleased you liked it too and that it closed the chapter off well. :)

Thank you so much for reviewing, Nadia! :D


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Review #25, by Voldy Needs a Hug 

13th August 2013:
Hello! It's Voldy Needs a Hug here with your (very late) review.

Before I even began reading, I was immediately drawn in by your summary. It conveyed both the originality and dark mood of your story. It was evidently effective in capturing readers' attentions and convincing them to begin reading.

One of the initial aspects of this chapter that stood out to me was your descriptions. They were flawless, incorporating just enough information without boring readers. They establish a tone of fear among readers, warning of something detrimental to come. Your first paragraph alone was enough to set the scene for the rest of the chapter, and, potentially, your entire story.

I can't easily comment on the characterization within this chapter. It was on the shorter side and didn't provide much information about the main character.

Your plot seems to be developing quickly, however, and you appear to have left us at a cliff hanger. Your creative, rapidly-moving plot is commendable, as I have yet to read a fanfiction similar to this one. Your flow is also flawless. You transition very smoothly between dialogue and descriptions, making this chapter a very easy read.

Your last sentence was, by far, my favorite sentence from this entire chapter. It foreshadows something bad that is to come and creates a sense of foreboding, urging readers to continue on to the next chapter. As soon as I find the time to do so, I will continue reading, regardless of whether or not your rerequest.

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Hello there! :) I'm so glad you liked the summary, since those are so important to drawing the reader in. I wasn't sure if it was too long and clunky or not, so getting positive feedback is very helpful.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the descriptions, and that they were simple enough to be suspenseful but detailed enough to give enough information about the action and past. I agree, the first chapter and paragraph within it does set up the whole story, and I'm so glad to hear you found it effective.

Haha, this cliff-hanger goes on for pretty much the whole story! :P I'm glad you liked the flow of the story, and that it was simple and clear to read. I kind of look back on these early chapters and cringe a little, but knowing you enjoyed it and the writing style is very reassuring. :)

I quite enjoyed the last sentence as well, and I'm so pleased to know it was effective and seemed to say something more about the entire story and what is to come.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a thoughtful review, I really appreciate it and receiving your thoughts was such a pleasure! :)


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