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67 Reviews Found

Review #1, by rhea 

9th January 2017:
i liked when they had fun in the lake

Author's Response: apparently quite a few people do!

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Review #2, by Allison 

9th January 2017:
I liked it when dey had fun

Author's Response: heh, glad they could entertain!

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Review #3, by Ronsgirl29 

15th August 2016:
Great chapter AHHH!!! Love it when people take on all the ridiculous cliches of next gen fics and turn them into something as brilliant as this. I mean, you can't graduate from Hogwarts without the obligatory drunken lake hook up!! Is it bad that I kind of ship scorpius and Pickett? They were just too great in this chapter. Can't wait to keep reading

Author's Response: You can't trash on cliches without committing one! Haha, and it's not bad at all, I've shipped just about every pairing at some point. Excited to see what you think of the rest!

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Review #4, by SilverMoonFairy 

8th August 2016:
Okay, are you ready for a lengthy review this time? I read this at work (thank God you have it on AO3 because my phone DOES NOT like HPFF) and because I couldn't speed read through the last ten chapters (because work) I had a lot of time to think and dwell and come up with some *hopefully* worth while things to say about the story of Clemence and Witchy Business.

The first order of business is that I've decided that this story reminds me greatly of a Rom-Com-Drama anime, namely something along the lines of Ouran High School Host Club or something to that effect, except more sexiness and the girls created their own fan club rather than just flocking to the boy's club. With the rabid fangirls screeching down the hall, the very psychotic Appy Colon who can go from evil to cute in ).5 seconds flat, the whole student body feuding over a stupid cause, and Clemence, the only main character who makes much sense and is sensible, I would totally love to see this as an anime or manga.

Just saying.

Secondly, this is by far my favorite chapter. I was laughing so hard at work, I needed to hold onto a table to stand up. My friend walked by giving me a queer look and asking, "Who are you talking to?" And so I read her Pickett answering Ella's rhetorical questions as explanation. It was hard to tell if she was laughing at the scene or me.

Omfg I LOVE Pickett. Until I noticed that he liked Dom, I almost thought that he liked Clemence and it tickles me pink that he asked to kiss her because she sounds like Dom. Just... Just... XD

AND OF COURSE PICKETT JUMPS INTO THE LAKE! Followed by Boy Wonder, Boy Enigma, and Lady Cynical. FINALLY THE SEX! As much as it is romanticized in movies and books... Sex in the water is no easy feat. :/

Now, apparently I have this habit of assigning songs to stories I am invested in. I listen to music all day long at work, so when a song comes up that reminds me of whatever story I'm obsessing over at the moment, it immediately becomes a part of a mental soundtrack. (I did this with Rose's stories, too.)

So far on your soundtrack, I have...
Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling (due to my own personal inferences into Clemence's character)

By The Way by Hinder (because she keeps saying Al is trying to 'fix' her)

Love Hate Heartbreak by Halestorm (because, mostly the title...)

And finally, this is not official yet, but given the satire and dark humor running rampant, I am not expecting a happy ending, so my prediction for the ending is:

Let Go by Hollywood Undead (although, given who they are and how the story is going, this may happen regardless of a happy ending, haha!)


Author's Response: I'M HERE I'M PREPARED.

I'm laughghghing at your comparison of this to Ouran mainly because I'm familiar with it. It's also funny because I think I DO take a lot from story structures/tropes popular in Asian media; my other story 'And Capers Ensue' totally follows the structure of a typical Korean drama if you squinted. etc would SO work as a manga/anime, you've just given me a new dream.

YES THIS IS THE CRACK CHAPTER!! This is the culmination of all the next gen tropiness I wanted to skewer followed up with lake sex.

Pickett is a blessing. Can anyone explain what comes out of his mouth? Totally worth getting weird laughs from your coworkers.

Ahhh I LOVE soundtracks (I made a bunch of music mixes on 8tracks for etc). I looked up the songs you mentioned and they're so intense, I can see why you chose them LOL.

Steepling my fingers at your predictions :D

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Review #5, by randomnickname 

14th March 2016:
One of the best chapter ever, bearing what I think will be my next t-shirt print:
"Never fear! Convenient love interest is here!"

Author's Response: Show me if you ever do it! :D

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Review #6, by Miss MarlaG 

21st April 2014:
This entire chapter is, on the whole, brilliant. I could give you paragraphs and paragraphs of how much I loved it (PICKETT!!) But instead, I just want to focus a bit on the most powerful quotes for me. I've never before seen a sex scene written so tasteful, and my metaphorical hat is tipped off to you that you managed to pull it off so effortlessly and delicately. You could get the sense of the urge the characters got all throughout, weaved into the poetry of the moment in the quiet night and the lake, and the way Clemence actually feels about the whole thing in which she just betrays her judgement, not because of uncensored lust, but simply because it was the catharsis that her and Albus' relationship needed at the moment. It was all building up to it, and it was absolutely perfect, and you've actually inspired me to try to find ways to describe the deed without it being considered too much for many readers, but mainly, why its important at all given the characters and context. I think you really achieved this here.

"When he returns for my lips, his mouth is familiar. I know how to fit its mold and I taste a craving too intense to be liquor. Without so many words and plans, Potter is simple and carnal and stupid. He wants me - that's how stupid he is."

I can't even begin with the brilliance of that line. Its Clemence and Albus, stripped stark and true - like they never are, like they truly are, like it fascinates us for them to be.

"Hoarse and senseless, he murmurs into my jaw, "I want you, Clemence. I just want you," and I didn't think words could be addictive, but he needs to make a habit of those.

This is Clemence, in her own self-involved, clinical nature, giving in to the fact of what they're going to do, simply because its what has to happen. I don't even manage to understand fully how you got to evoke this - its sort of like in movies, when huge explosions happen but it's quite or simply the lightest of music as the scene's background. That tasteful, that kind.

In awe, always, of this excellent story and your excellent way of telling it.

Author's Response: You never know how a sex scene is gonna go until you write it xD I remember that initially, it wasn't even there, but I got the idea and thought it would be a great catalyst. If I were really having fun with it, I'm totally okay with smut smut smut; but I understand that a lot of my readers are younger. Sex doesn't get written much, let alone written well, in the teen genre, so I wanted to try showing the messiness, impulsiveness, the wanting, without necessarily overly romanticizing it (and boy do I unromanticize it next chapter).

I think that's how a lot of first times go: you think you're being stupid but you like it and you're not going to stop, and you're curious at how far you're willing to go, like running up to a cliff edge, because it's been too long since the last time you've done something you've never done before. The entire time, you know it's going to happen because you're too damn curious, you're falling off that cliff, and you'd die if you stopped.

And luckily it turned out tasteful! :D Poetic, apparently. Not bad for a first sex scene.

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Review #7, by spreaddapoo93 

10th December 2013:
AH! You had a night drink / swimming scene! Super amped, my adolescence is complete now!

Wow... I won't even make a fool of myself saying how great this chapter was. Sure, there was that titfortat (whole new meaning in this context) between Albus and Clemence, and obviously those great extracts from Appy's absolutely horrible novel... but there were real, genuine moments from the characters, and that's what I loved most.

I can only imagine how terrifying and intimidating writing the scene appropriately for Albus and Clemence could have been, but you pulled it off just right--the same fumbling, romanticism, adolescent mistakes, passion and fervour. And it went further than a physical description of rigid events... everything led to that point, and there was such meaning in it.

I love it!

Much love (still thinking about those Appy excerpts. They'll keep me warm with laughter for the rest of my days) ♥♡

Author's Response: I'm pretty sure I ushered some readers into adolescence with this scene xD It was weirdly fun writing it, so totally worth it all around. The reactions, omg the reactions are the most priceless thing of all. And I'm glad that the scene means something too, and says a lot more about Clemence and Albus than just their feelings for each other.

This chapter is written slightly differently from the rest--quite like an intermission. I like thinking up of AUs of my own stories and this is sort of a branch of that. I know Clemence is willing to share a more honest side of herself, but the opportunity was never there. She needs a certain atmosphere--and here it is. Pickett is a huge factor, actually, because without him, she'd just play her usual mind games with Albus. But with Pickett, she knows he'd call her out and she wouldn't feel comfortable with a close friend witnessing her "act"--I think she's oddly ashamed of it, if someone who knows her better sees her.

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Review #8, by patronus_charm 

10th September 2013:
I really wanted my 800th review to be the stories 800th as that would have been insanely cool, but alas my urge to read on is greater, oh well, one day they will match, but for now you get my 800th!

Ah man, there are so many changes in the whole Hogwarts hierarchy and society that I can barely keep up with them. Dom is like some new inner poised person and what was with her calling Pickett Henry? Hmm, I suspect that they may have grown closer in the whole Clemence avoiding her time and with the whole Scorpius thing over who knows what will happen. Well, you do :P Then the fact that Albus and Clemence are possibly dating is now a common rumour is quite surprising, I don’t even want to think about the implications with Appy!

I really love how you’ve written Pickett and Clemence’s friendship it’s just so lovely and naturally and aw. I really loved how he knew that there was something between her and Albus and did the whole let’s pretend there’s something more going on between us. I’m currently questioning Albus’ intelligence for falling for it, but then when he’s in angry alpha male mode I guess he’s not going to be the most rational of people. :P

Ah so much drama/tension/amazing things! First there was that whole mini-standoff thing between Clemence and Albus which was really great and you wrote the tension over what was going to happen really well. Then the whole reading out Appy’s which made me crack up! Muggle fiction? I never knew there would be such a thing :P then Scorpius you are just the king of great description with this line ‘"I don't get it. Eleanor's a very pretty name," sighs the boy named Scorpius Hyperion. "I wish I were named Eleanor."’ Can I marry him?

*dies* ‘ It's the passive-aggressive Mary-Sue. Not noticing that you're perfect is a flaw.’

Reading a manuscript when drunk did bring out a lot of interesting things. Albus and Clemence sort of fighting through it and then that wonderful line from Pickett about wanting to kiss her. That made me laugh way too much due to Albus’ reaction. He needs to be more subtle :P

Ah Scorpius is gay? My dreams of marrying him have been crushed! No! That means that the rumours about him and Albus might be true so they’ll be no Albus/Clemenceness. I mean, Albus and Scorpius would be cute, but gah, that means I’m left all alone!

Erm wow that ending! I never expected them to do it, I thought Clemence was going to come out on an I hate Albus rant or someone was going to jump in on them. I mean, it happened every other time so I was simply just waiting. It’s always awkward reviewing scenes like this as I never know how to make them 12+ but yeah it was really written and great, and I’m going to leave it at that :P


Author's Response: Oops, I began responding to this review and then accidentally continued responding to the next chapter's review xD I write these responses on a doc, so I scrolled to the wrong review when I came back to finish my response!

Pickett has such a heart, which is something considering the cast of characters in this fic, but he also shares the shades of flaws that Clemence and Dom have (being a bit of an enabler and hides his emotions with humor). I can see why he's friends with them. He's always seen Clemence's human side, never at all blinded by her confidence, and I think it's that very quality that Clemence unconsciously looks for in her friends. They understand her without pushing her, contrasted with Albus who does understand a side of her but makes her uncomfortable.

Pickett and Clemence are actually quite visibly close! In my head, there've been minor rumors about them in the past, but only negligible ones.

Bahaha, I figure if us Muggles write about fantasy, then wizards must write about Muggles xD Muggle fiction!

This chapter is really just an excuse to make a gigantic throwdown of bad self-insert fanfiction. My biggest peeve is the non-flaw which happens even in reasonably well-written fanfiction, where the MC has these random flaws that don't actually create consequences in the story itself. My biggest biggest peeve is, to quote 1D lyrics, when they don't know they're beautiful. This is not the resolution to low self-esteem.

Well, I'm not sure about your country's laws involving marriage to fictional characters, so your dreams may have been already crushed. And HA, you are I think, the first to bring up the old Albus and Scorpius rumors here, because it is a related event ;) I need to draw a timeline one day to get old readers caught up xD

Bahahah, I wouldn't know how review something like that either (I think the last time I ran across one, I stuttered in capslock). I got a few really amusing non-12+ reviews I had to sadly delete for this chapter, so you are in a big boat.


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Review #9, by LemonSkulls  

10th July 2013:
Pickett in this chapter was HILARIOUS!

"Let's test this — I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."

"'How bad can it be?'"

"Not remotely close. It was four."


Pickett cups his cheek. "I'll understand. I've always understood."

"All right, I... I take my tea with milk."

"You monster!" Pickett flings him away. Slaps him too if I hear correctly.

GAHHH Clemence and Albus at the end... that was hot as!
"because I learned in this frenzy that I like how he tastes with the lake water and with my name on his tongue."- best line

Seriously, you're such a wonderful and talented writer!

Author's Response: I've been wanting to use Pickett more for a long while! He finally got his time to shine :D

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Review #10, by QkStephen 

18th June 2013:
Very thought provoking and dynamic.

Author's Response: Thanks! This chapter was a bit of an intermission, but the pace picks up around now.

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Review #11, by STG Sagmag 

3rd June 2013:
Ah, Pickett, my love. I look forward to seeing a heck a lot more of you in the chapters to come :*

Author's Response: c: I am launching into subplot mode so there actually will be a heck of a lot more of Pickett and... everyone!

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Review #12, by Katherine 

22nd March 2013:
Really good! Whens the next chapter coming out? AHHH im in love with the story lol!

Author's Response: Just posted! :D

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Review #13, by idk 

22nd March 2013:
Please. Just update okay? asdfghjkl

Author's Response: I JUST DID! C:

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Review #14, by TeaganPotter 

11th March 2013:
You are so fantastic! I love this fic, I love this fic, I LOVE THIS FIC! I had to stop reading and go laugh on the floor several times in this chapter. Funniest moment:

"'I know what you're thinking — '"

"Let's test this — I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."

"'How bad can it be?'"

"Not remotely close. It was four."


Author's Response: Pickett is a baaabe. ♥ thank you for reading! c:

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Review #15, by Glassw 

7th March 2013:
DUDE. Must you torture us with your responses to reviews but your lack of actually updating? Siriusly. Just update. (Or I'm gonna make you eat slugs or something)

Author's Response: Bwaha, I did avoid responding for awhile, but NOW IT IS UP~

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Review #16, by Siriusly Black 

19th February 2013:
Just want to say how much I like this story. It's original, witty and incredibly funny. I love the conversations between the characters and how you've kept everything real. Keep up the good work and I hope you upload a new chapter soon.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! c: I'm busy, but I am chugging along!

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Review #17, by AGrace 

19th February 2013:
Okay okay okay.
So, I've been reading fanfiction on this site for a fair amount of time, but I've never made an account. But my god, your story is the first that has made me actually get an account and write a review. I just started reading yesterday, but this has to be one of the best fanfics I've had the pleasure to read.

Okay, first off, I just gotta say. WHY. Why did I have to start reading now of all times, when the story has been left at this much of a cliff. However, I think it is brilliant. This chapter is completely unexpected yet it seems to fit wonderfully, and is hilarious and poetic and engaging on top of that. Kudos to you, my friend. I've read some of the other reviews, and I agree with all who can express their satisfaction much more eloquently than I can.

When I first started reading this story, I was a bit unsure. The world that you have created at first seemed a bit caricature-ish, but you so quickly developed Clemence as a narrator, as well as all the people around her who we see through her eyes, that your world immediately gained so much depth. I have fallen in love with Clemence, because she is so flawed as she struggles with the dissembling of the world that she has spent all her time categorizing and classifying. It strikes me as a coming of age sort of story, in a way-there are many parts of herself that she has driven away and attempted to deny, but are now coming to light. As a unreliable narrator, as well as a teenage girl, she is awesome.

The story is just awesome. The more I think about, the better it gets. Okayyy, I better leave now while I can, before I spew fangirl all over the place. Just...update soon please, with mounds of your favorite dessert and a cherry on top.

Author's Response: I'm totally still writing, but I figure I could take a break to respond, because its been nearly a week ack sorry sorry sorry D:

Aaah like, I get reviewers on occasion who say that they joined because of me. And that is one of the biggest compliments ever c: Because I know people hate joining things. You've got do go to your email and verify and everything, and it only takes 30 seconds, but it always /feels/ more like 30 seconds.

Anyhow. YOU'VE ACTUALLY COME AT A GOOD TIME. It's like a... middle point. Intermission and all that. And everyone else had to go through all the /other/ cliffhangers. Know me long enough and you'll know that I /adore/ cliffhangers. So there will be a lot to come. There will probably be one next chapter.

It was meant to be quite caricature-ish because that was what seemed fun at the time, but I let the story grow as it wanted to. It seemed so natural for it to change along with Clemence, that the more her views are challenged, the realer people seem to get. They become individuals and less generalized.

...but there's definitely some latent crazy in Hogwarts.

It is definitely a coming-of-age (this is what I laaav to write). It's a story that I never read growing up - one with such a bluntly selfish *female* protagonist who doesn't change with the onset of ~feelings - and it's a story I think that I wouldn't have appreciated while growing up anyway, but it is one that I appreciate now.

♥ thank you so so much c: I don't like cherries, unfortunately but I will take the dessert (currently, I'm still aiming to try baked alaska, but fried ice cream works). I'm still writing! Unfortunately, I've been booked with 30 hours a week in labs and job hunting, but I should get something out this week, and my schedule will clear up after winter quarter.

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Review #18, by Siriusly 

9th February 2013:
Please stop responding to reviews and START WRITING!
Ignore me xD

Author's Response: I spent five minutes trying to figure out a clever response to this, because obviously I /have/ to respond to this, so there goes on more zinger I could've written for etc. AHA BACKFIRED!

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Review #19, by glassw 

5th February 2013:
Hey again! Will you be updating by tonight? It's been
FOREVA!!! If not (I will kill myself haha jk.. I think),
then when do you think you will update?

Author's Response: Hopefully I'll be updating over the weekend! :)

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Review #20, by Gotta Love HP 

5th February 2013:

Ohh,"Hi, Im A New reviewer AND A New Profile To This Site BUT IM ABSOULTLY IN LOVE with this story!!"Took Me About 1 Day And A Half To Finish this!,INCLUDING "SLEEP TIME" *Wink* *Wink*
HOW I ask HOW do you write So Good i'm Actually Gobsmacked
I found this story on Fanfiction And I was in love !

And Pikett Well This Says it All!

"'I know what you're thinking — '"

"Let's test this — I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."

"'How bad can it be?'"

"Not remotely close. It was four."
I was Really Struggling to keep a straight face :D

WELL Thats My FIRST EVER REVIEW SO WOOP WOOP PARTY TIME!! And Also I rate this story 10/10 !

Author's Response: OH WHY THANK YOU!

c: you created a profile just to review? Eee, right now I'm responding in "sleep time" so it's all cool. I've loved writing this fic more and more with every chapter and I'm glad you've enjoyed all the crazy with this ridiculous cast!

♥ FIRST REVIEW PARTY! I'll send you some of my favorite characters - the tilde and ampersand

~ & ~ & ~ & ~ & ~ & ~ & ~

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Review #21, by Gaire 

2nd February 2013:
So I'm kind of new to this whole reading fanfiction thing, and you have rapidly become one of my top 3 authors. This is, in my opinion, the best chapter you've written. The way you make the voice in each of your stories reflect the main character, businesslike in Game/Play, erratic and round-about in Capers Ensue, and a clear love of words and an elegant turn of phrase in Etc. Etc. is wonderful. The sex scene was very tastefully handled, and two of my favorite quotes of yours occur during that scene, not just because they are beautiful, but because they are so descriptive of the characters.

"because I learned in this frenzy that I like how he tastes with the lake water and with my name on his tongue" This really tells me a lot about Clemence, and how she feels about Albus. She isn't ready to deal with this relationship intellectually, but just hearing him (finally) use her first name melts her, and she pulls him to be intimate, rather than carnal.

"Desire is so eloquent in the right hands." This sentence, to me, encapsulates the character. In (arguably) the most passionate mind set a person can have, she equates her experience to the power of words, boiling down her most primal drive into words she would normally save for language.

Appy's novel is, of course, hilarious, and Pickett finally begins to really flesh out, fulfilling the promise and hints he's shown in previous chapters. "Not even close, it was four." is potentially the funniest line so far in this story.

All in all, you've done an amazing job giving Clemence a voice, and making her story come to life. My only complaint is that I was silly enough to begin reading before the story is finished, and now I must wait.

Author's Response: Aaah, thank you so much! To me, each of my main characters reflect a different side of myself, and it's been fun to explore every one of them, and the more I write Clemence, the more I enjoy writing her. There are many parts to her as a person that I would not like, but I imagine her as a (anti-)heroine for intellectuals and the precocious, people who aren't satisfied with the world but yearn for what they're missing, who feel empowered and imprisoned by their beliefs, and in this way I can relate to her.

And oh my, I never expected anyone to analyze the sex scene of all scenes, but I'm so glad you did, because it's exactly what I tried to convey and it makes me happy that it's actually /there/ and the quotes you pulled out are my favorites from that scene. Even though Clemence is far from traditionally romantic, she had such a poetic view of the world at times and she might spurn love for herself, but she holds it in high regard as an ideal.

The boys aim to please! Pickett's storyline got a bit buffed up recently, as I added in some new plans!

♥ aah, I'll try not to make updates too sparse; they should ramp up after mid-year or so c:

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Review #22, by heartjily4ever 

31st January 2013:
The bit with Appy's book was hilarious.
I hate books that are all same same and use the weirdest language like they are trying to be cool.
The only thing I hate more is when people use abreviations like "u" and jks" in their actual stories.
I have seen people do that. Makes me wanna just shout "Have you heard of the English language!"
anyway rant over, I love you and your story, can't wait fr what happens next!

Author's Response: Bahaha yep, also all the unnecessary weird slang that goes into fic in general that really cheapens a story.


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Review #23, by NadiaX 

25th January 2013:
Hi ^^.

I'm a bit late. School, exams, still one left (but I'm already sick of Russian literature, so I think I should take a break). But unfortunately my brain is dead, so I won't write anything half as smart as I would want to.

""'I know what you're thinking — '"
"Let's test this — I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."
"'How bad can it be?'"
"Not remotely close. It was four.""

Author's Response: Heee, Pickett can do no wrong. ♥

I make so many Russian jokes about their depressing literature and eternal winters. Ah, Dostoevsky, you will not be missed.

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Review #24, by ladymarauder85 

25th January 2013:
I am addicted to this story! You do write some fantastic characters- Clemence is one of those characters I wish I'd come up with myself! Appy's manuscript section is one of my favourite scenes so far- amazing dialogue. Anyway, I can't WAIT to find out the aftermath of the last scene...

Author's Response: Ahh thank you! c: Clemence is loads of fun and such a guilty pleasure to write. And all of the satirical sections too, oh man I had fun with this one 8D Whole chapter, really.

♥ thank you again!

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Review #25, by Glassw 

24th January 2013:
DUDE. It's been like 3 months. Please update. like
please. I NEED IT.

Author's Response: I know! I'm sorry~ but it is next to be updated c:

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