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22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
Finally a chapter without bawling my eyes out. I have to stop reading now but I'll pick this up again later. Oh the feels! I just love their love even though they aren't in love exactly yet.

Was Belle pregnant? That's what I'm thinking. Or she hurt someone. I'm trying to figure out. I'm pretty sure you told me before but I have a bad memory! It wouldn't surprise me if she was. I'm interested in what route you're going to go. I could be completely wrong but her reaction to what was happening revealed a little something something.

The attraction between Belle and Sirius is obvious. They like each other. Great. But for some reason I don't see them together. I just don't. Obviously Sirius wouldn't care about whatever it is she is hiding but I don't think she's ever going to be able to let it go.

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Review #2, by MissesWeasley123 

27th August 2013:
BUTTERSCOTCH GIVES ME ALL THE FEELSIES.

Holy, this chapter!

Belle LeClair... she is so amazing. I love her. I repeat what I said in my review a couple of chapters ago: her being sarcastic and french makes her all the more of a lovable character. I am so excited, though kind of hesitant(because I don't want to become sad) at her story. I wonder why she's so composed on the outside but carefully dying on the inside. :(

The beginning was fabulous, and seemed very "Lily like". Going through the forms and stuff, very in character and clever.

Aha, "the talk" Madam Pomfrey gave them ;) It was hilarious, and a great touch. I basically loved everything in that section. Sirius' reaction... priceless.

I also loved in that bit the jealousy Lily felt. How you showed her confusion.. That she's not necessarily jealous of Alice, but more jealous of what she has with Frank - and that she, Lily, doesn't have that with James.

I always very much enjoyed the meeting with the Heads and the population before the trip to Hogsmeade. I love how you show how they are slowly tightening protection and aren't dismissing the fact that the entire wizarding population is at war. You make it seem so realistic, anything you write in this story is now my head canon.

Are you sure you aren't Jo Rowling...? Joanne. Jami. Both begin with "J"s... hmm... I'm on to you O_O

Fast forwarding to Hogsmeade: PETS! I loved the inclusion of the toad! What a subtle nod to canon! Knowing that Frank himself had a thing for the amphibian... It makes my heart ache :( It reminds me of what they could have had.

KITTY! That was perfect and again, another nod to canon since we all know they have a cat in the near future.

Your detail to canon is so admirable... I love the little things in this. Just, so beautiful.

A work of art really.

Author's Response: Hahaha I swear, if I was JK I would totally have come out by now ;). Your reviews are seriously putting such a huge smile on my face!

I can't even tell you how warm and fuzzy it makes me feel to know that I've made a little stamp into your head canon. I feel like there are so many times where I have to stop and remember if something is raelly canon, or if i just read it, or wrote it, enough to have it turned canon in my mind, haha!

Thank you again for taking the time to review this chapter, and for putting me in such a happy mood!!!


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Review #3, by nott theodore 

12th August 2013:
Hi again, lovely!

Where to start with this review?! KITTEN! I'm going to come back to that later but goodness, the feels!!

I really enjoyed the slow and steady start to this chapter. Last chapter ended in a bit of a cliffhanger and yet you made us wait even longer to find out what actually goes on in Hogsmeade when Alrek joins them! Luckily I've decided to forgive you for it! ♥

The beginning of this chapter was just so James. It's the sort of thing that you hope your captain would never do, but if your captain is James Potter then of course he'll wake you up early in the morning so you can get an edge over the Slytherin quidditch team! Sending a howler up to the girls' dormitories is a stroke of genius - there are far too many stories where the boys can conveniently find their way into the girls' rooms. I love the fact that even the characters who are only on the very edges of this story - people like Margaret and Polly - have their own personalities and realistic reactions to James waking them up at that time. Polly is so adorable! When she admitted that she was already waiting in the common room I just wanted to give her a hug. Please tell me that you don't do anything to hurt her in this story! I also like the fact that you include so much detail in this. It would be easy to forget about things like the Heads' duties, but seeing Lily work on the Hogsmeade forms here really helps to make the setting believable.

Oh, the excuses made me laugh so much! The way that the girls were all trying to come up with something different and the boys kept foiling their attempts to get away - then Belle (and of course it was Belle to say it!) mentions tampons and the boys all run off scared!

Ah, Belle! I loved her in this chapter and I'm really excited about the fact that we're getting to know more about her. And I'm really excited for her getting together with Sirius - I'm pretty sure that's going to happen. If it doesn't I'll be sad, Jami! But one of the things I love is that your characters are so real! They actually have believable insecurities and things that have happened to them and affected them which make them reluctant to jump straight into a relationship.

Aw, I had tears in my eyes when Lily came across her mum's cardigan. The way you're writing the grief process is so realistic, and it's great to find someone that manages to do it justice. Things do get easier over time, and the time comes when things which used to make people sad will make them smile instead.

Belle's pretty sassy as well, isn't she? I can see why she fits so well into Gryffindor - she's so loyal and protective of her friends. Her comments about trying to spice up History of Magic really made me laugh! I really love the way that you write the friendship of the group - it's one of my favourite things about this story. And you made Peter good at something! Thank you Jami! It made me smile to see that he is clearly someone that other people go to for advice on certain subjects - in so many stories he's portrayed as stupid and useless. He might not have been as intelligent as James and Sirius and even Remus, but he still managed to become an Animagus as an underage wizard. Just thank you!

And oh, I'm getting more Lily and James feels in this chapter! When he leaned over to her and whispered that she was beautiful without making a big show of it - they're getting closer and he's so sweet and now I'm running out of proper words to talk about it!

Grr, Alrek. I still don't like him. At all. But more about that later...

So much cuteness in this chapter! I really enjoyed the conversation about pets and Frank having the toad that I'm assuming will be named Trevor and passed down to Neville. And Belle prefers dogs! Her and Sirius are made for each other!

Abigail's another character I don't really like all that much. I can't believe she was so mean to her cousin and just yelled at her for everyone to know that Alana is pregnant. Of course Lily would step in to sort the problem out. I'm fairly sure I've got a good idea what happened with Belle, since she disappeared when the confrontation was taking place. I know I'll find out in the next chapter, but I'm guessing that Belle got pregnant while she was at Beauxbatons and her parents didn't agree with it?

Alrek going on a date in Madam Puddifoot's? No, I don't think so. I think he's doing some sneaky snake-like business and providing them with some excuse that isn't that good but they'll probably believe. But I don't want them to believe his excuses because if he is the spy then he's going to be able to do his Death Eater-y activities without them realising and then that's going to put them all in danger!

Aw, the kitten is so cute! It's so adorable that James pays so much attention to Lily and then bought her the kitten to try and cheer her up! I just have a little Brit-pick with the name of the shop, since Critters is very American - maybe creatures would work better? But anyway, the whole idea was lovely! Is that the cat that Lily mentions in her letter to Sirius in the seventh book?

So many feels in this chapter, Jami! I can't wait to read on and find out what's going to happen next!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm accidentally responding to your reviews out of order! Oy Vey!

I get so annoyed when the boys can somehow find their way into the girls' dorm. I mean, after how many years this school has been running for, you'd have to think they'd have outsmarted any students that think they can sneak themselves into the girls' dorm. I do have fun trying to find sneaky ways to twist the rules, like sending Howlers in :P I'm so happy you like that!

Nothing bad happens to Polly in this story! I promise!!! She'll even pop up in the next, too! Come on, Sian, I'm not totally heartless :P!

Yay, I'm so happy you liked Lily's head girl-ness and it didn't jst bore you! I'm so worried half the things I think are fun to include just put others to sleep, haha!

Hahaha, as soon as a girl mentions anything to do with feminine issues, it's bound to scare the men away! You'd have to assume the same thing is true for wizards :P

Well, I think you already have a good idea where Sirius and Belle headed, hehe. And you have no idea what a huge compliment it is that the characters feel real to you. I think characterization and relationships (both friendships and romances) really became my focus with this story because they're both thing I want to keep improving on, so it means so much to me that these people feel real to you ♥.

AND YES! This is the cat that Lily mentions in her letter to Sirius :D! Thank you for the brit pick!! I'm going to go change it... I never thought about 'critters' being a very american word, haha! I swear, you should probably just come stay with me for a month so I soak up all your British words!

THANK YOU SO MUCH SIAN for all your amazing reviews! I can't even explain how excited I get when I know you're getting close to a chapter i really like, and how much it makes me happy to know you're enjoying this! thank you again, lovely ♥




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Review #4, by WeasleyTwins 

7th August 2013:
Hello darling! Two chapters in as many days? Definitely on a roll!

KITTEN! I actually hate cats, deplore them so much, but that had to be the cutest scene in the history of forever. He got her a kitten! It was so spur of the moment and cute and perfect. Animals are the best presents. I assume this is the cat that Lily was talking about in the letter to Sirius? If so, genius on your part to tie those things together!

Your transitions are excellent in this chapter - not clunky, very smooth. I also loved the section at the beginning - your beginnings just get better and better. As much as I love a good ending, the start of a chapter is always my favorite part of a story. There's something compelling and fascinating about diving into a story, not knowing what's going to happen, but working your way toward the meat of the piece.

Alrek? Is he a spy? I feel like he's a spy or something because he's way too interested in Lily, James, and their friends. Way too interested. And Belle! I have ideas, but I'm not sure - she was engaged? She had a baby? She was engaged, had a baby, and then was forced to move and outed by her parents? Whatever it is, I can't wait to keep reading.

I'm telling you Jami, I'm running out of things to say. Soon, I'm just going to fangirl squee over everything and say nothing constructive. :P

Love it, as always!



Shelby

Author's Response: Yay!!! Hi lovely!!!

I'm so happy you liked the kitten scene! I like cats, but I'm a dog person :P Hehe yep, this is the cat Lily will eventually write about. He was in a one shot of mine first, then he finally got to get to come into the story! yay! And I'm so happy you like that those tie together!

I think transitions is something I really improved on as this story went along. That, and (I think) letting the characters do their own thing and not try to force them.

I'm not tell you what Alrek is! But you do find out next chapter ;). Belle, story comes out next chapter as well... it's a big one, haha! You might be going along the right line.. or... maybe not ;). I'z never tell, mwahaha!

Sorry, short on coffee, haha!

Thank you so much my lovely Shelby for all your awesome compliments! I'm excited for you to get to the later chapters, and hopefully you'll see my writing improve as they go along!!

Pch, now you know how I feel. I'm pretty much just stuck in constant fan girl mode when reading your stuff!!

Thank you!!! ♥


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Review #5, by JN 

20th July 2013:
excellent chapter. the last few paragraphs really made me tear up. really well done :)

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter!! these first few chapters are a little rough from being my earlier writing, but if you decide to continue I hope you enjoy the rest!! ♥

Jami


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Review #6, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
Oh my god, this chapter certainly started out with a bang. The lengths that James will go to to make sure that his Quidditch team will beat the Slytherins is unbelievable but believable...that probably made no sense but I thought that was very in character of you. I loved the way he did it, very inventive and the reactions from everyone was just absolutely brilliant. Can I just say, I verbally cooed when Polly admitted that she had been waiting in the common room, I think that is just absolutely adorable. For the millionth time, I am so glad she is on the team. She might be my favourite character Jami. If you kill her then I shall be very sad because she is like ball of fluff!

Belle! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BELLE. I could not stop laughing when she mentioned the whole tampon thing, I think I wet myself - it was just Sirius's reaction afterwards and the way it was said so nonchalantly. And that pause after she says it. It was like everyone did a double take! And hey, something fishy about Alrek? I didn't see all that much wrong with him but looks can be deceiving eh? I shall keep a watchful eye over him. And I think you killed me with cute-ness at the end. I love the way James just says 'You look beautiful' and you never question if he's just saying that to make her feel better just...gah. I LOVE THIS WAY TOO MUCH JIM JAM. Cute overload. I've died.

Author's Response: *waves frantically*

Polly will make it all the way into book two! So that's good news, right?!

I'm so excited you like James as captain! And I think saying what he did was believable but still unbelievable makes perfect sense. Like, no one would really do that, would they? Yep.. James would!

hahahahah I was pretty proud of that tampon part, honestly ;). How often can we bring feminine hygiene into a FF? Not often enough :P! Something IS fishy about Alrek! You keep your eye out, missy!

Hahaha I don't want to kill you with cute overload! Ummm, I think there's a Bellatrix section coming up soon, like the next chapter, so that should squash the cute overload, right?

I'm so, so lucky to have gotten all these amazing reviews from you, Maz ♥


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Review #7, by Courtney Dark 

26th April 2013:
Oooh, there were so many things I enjoyed about this chapter!

First, I love how you include such little, minor details in your chapters, that a lot of people would forget about, like Lily and James' Head Student responsibilities. I really liked that you started this chapter off with Lily up earlier than everyone else, looking over forms for Hogsmeade. It added such a school age touch, if you know what I mean.

I also want to apologize for never saying anything remotely helpful or intelligent in my reviews! I just love all your characters and plot lines so much that I can never think of anything constructive to say!

But anyway. It's so great that even your more minor characters, like Margaret, have personalities of their own. Her reaction to James' wake up call was hilarious - and that definitely seems a very James-like move, sending Howlers into the dormitories of his female Quidditch players!

Ah, the tampon excuse - always a classic! The reactions of the boys, especially Sirius, really made me laugh. And I love how matter of fact Belle is - when she was arguing with Violet, too!

Speaking of Belle, another little part of this chapter I really loved was when she and Peter were discussing the History of Magic essay and she said:ďWell, everyízing we know about ze Merpeople is so boring. I just zought I would spice it up a bit.Ē That line made me laugh, because it sounded exactly like something I would say! I also liked how Belle said that her favourite animal was dog - Sirius' reaction was perfect.

And Belle's going to tell Lily and Alice more about the reason she came to Hogwarts? I'm looking forward to learning more about her, so I can't wait for that. Actually, I really loved Belle in this chapter. She has so much sass!

James was just too adorable at the end of this chapter, when he brought Lily that kitten - it is definitely clear that his family has a lot of money! As soon as Lily started cradling Butterscotch the kitten in her arms, my mind immediately went back to the seventh (I think) Harry Potter book where we found out that the Potter's had a cat which might have died the same night Lily and James were killed. I wonder if this is that same cat? If so POOR CAT!

This was an awesome chapter and true to what I predicted I was going to say in this review in my LAST review, I think it was my favourite yet! Nice job.

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Everything you say in your reviews is intelligent and helpful! I can't tell you how much just knowing the parts you like means to me. Especially with how much you pick on things that other people have yet to!

I don't read Marauders much, but the few I have always follow canon in the sense that their head boy and girl but never actually have them doing Head duties! It's always driven me crazy, so I'm excited that you liked seeing theirs in this chapter. Totally just used the wrong 'theirs' twice, btw. Haha.

No man can argue with the, I need a tampon, excuse, right? Haha poor Sirius probably won't ever get over that one :P

See, again with you picking up on lines most people don't. That Belle one about the Merpeople was actually one I really enjoyed writing, an usually I hate everything I write so that was a big deal for me, haha. So I'm really glad that one stuck out at you and you liked it!

Yes yes she's going to tell Lily and Alice about the reason she came to Hogwarts! Next chapter... eek! I'm so excited to see what you think!!

Yes! This is the same cat! But in my mind, after the attack, Butterscotch slips away and some family with a sweet little girl finds him and loves him hahah.

You know, I am tempted to bottle you up so when I hate everything I write you can be there, and I can be like, 'Courtney. Courtney. Tell me something nice.' :P! Thank you again for all the amazing reviews.

Also, if you don't mind me asking, what made you want to start reading an already 27+ chaptered fic? A lot of people don't like starting something so long, so I'm curious why you decided to. Well, whatever the reason, I'm extremely happy you did ♥

Jami


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Review #8, by Remus 

5th April 2013:
Jami!!! *tackles*

So sorry I have taken like 1000 years to come and review this! Seriously! A day didn't go by where I didn't think "oh, gotta review at least one chapter of Before they Fall". But with work and chapter 6 of HPo4...But I'm done with it so now I'm here taking my deserved break!

Argh! I'm so far behind but I need to know Belle's secret! And I KNOW you already posted it and I'm trying really hard to not just jump to that chapter and read it. And just looking at this...I'm more than 10 chapters behind! :( I'll catch up, trust me!

When Lily didn't cry when she saw the cardigan, I teared up for her. Seriously Jami, the choice of words, the imagery and just overall feel to it...I was sad for Lily. Sad over the loss of her parents and feeling responsible.

I like how Alice's parents, who are pureblooded, don't like the idea of Alice spending time with muggles without coming off as supremacists. I think it can be a bit tough to find the fine line between supremacists and those who don't agree with the whole idea of muggles. Alice's parents...do they not like muggleborn or just muggles?

So far, you've kept this very British, one of the reasons why I LOVE your story so perhaps in the line:

After Lily grabbed her purse, instead of 'purse' it could be satchel.

Just an idea/opinion. XD Nothing big!

I need to confess something: I love Belle. I just want to shrink her down and carry her in my pocket that way she can insult/deliver her sassy attitude to people that deserve it.

Is it fair to say that I don't trust this Alrek guy at all?

Awww! He got her a kitten!!! I'm jealous of Lily! I've been trying to get my husband to agree to a cat but he hates them. Hahaha, oh well!

Anyway! This was a great chapter and I hope the next one is Belle's big reveal!

I can't wait to see what happens but first I must finish the queue and Dan's Detox. You'll see me again, that's for sure!

Until next time, Jami!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Rosie! You're the best tackler, you know, ♥ I was so excited to see you here!

I'm so happy that you got chapter 6 finished and am so excited to read it!

Hahah aww you're so sweet ♥ when you do get caught up, I'm so excited to see what you think about the chapter, Holding On To You!

I've been waiting to bring that cardigan back for SO LONG HAHA! I was just so excited to show how much stronger Lily has gotten, and I am so happy that you felt like that moment was done well. I want to hug you!

I really wanted to have Alice's parents balancing that like that you just talked about. They aren't prejudice and they aren't active in helping try and fix other people's prejudice. It just doesn't concern them. I think they would only really not care for he spending time with Muggles. They just don't believe they're up to their class. They don't care who she's friends with at school or anything, they just don't love her being in a Muggle home. Though they don't stop her either, because that's just more effort than they're willing to put out. Haha

Thank you for the brit pick up! In this case, it's mean to be a purse :). Like our version of a clutch or coin purse. Just a small thing you slip your money, cards, lipstick... in. Then what we call a purse over there is a handbag. Then a satchel is more like our version of a.. computer bag almost. Sort of more rucksackish and more professional. Then for them, a clutch is a small handbag with one thing strap and only one pocket. Haha, seriously, we all need to get on board with the same names or something! But i always interrogate Sarah (Athene Goodstrength) with the British things I'm not sure about. But if you spot anything else that seems off, please point it out! I love trying to make this as authentic as possible :)!

HAHAHA I think I love getting my sassy-ness out through Belle :P! I'm so happy you love her. I can't even tell you how much that means to me. You're making me want to shrink YOU and put you in my pocket!!

A KITTEN! eek! Aww you can't talk your husband into it?! Rosie. maybe it's time you try the whole... 'I just found him and I couldn't not take him in!' trick with a kitten. Cook a yummy dinner, maybe some delicious dessert, and if all else fails. bring out the tears! hehehe. My fiance doesn't like cats either though. Maybe you should try going for a puppy?! Are you a dog person??

eeek I'm so excited to see what you think of the next chapter!!! It was such a scary one to write.

Thank you as always for your incredible and detailed reviews. I love them so much ♥


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Review #9, by patronus_charm 

13th March 2013:
Haha yeah itís the Easter Holidays in two weeks, I hope Iíve caught up with BTF by then, but if not, I have tons of time then!

I havenít mentioned it before, so Iíll say it now! I know that youíre not British, but I think youíve done a great job making this story sound British, itís just the little things like Lily dumping sugar into her tea, even though I hate sugar in my tea, I can just imagine the rest of Britain doing it right now! It just makes the story seem so much more authentic and realistic!

Haha James sent a howler to them! I thought that was great, and it reminded me of Oliver Wood, as it sounded like something he would do! I thought something worse had happened when they all came storming in, but I guess I can see there point, being woken as early as seven at the weekend, is horrible, and I tend to only see the PM hours then ;)

I think itís really nice to see how close Lily, Alice and Belle are. With the guys, itís an easier job, as you already have their friendship, and the dynamic of it established, but I find itís always harder with Lily and her friends, as you have to include new characters, but they seem as close as the Marauders are, I think it was that bit about how they didnít want her to be on her own which really stuck out for me, as it showed how much they knew and cared for Lily.

Line of the story so far! ďI zink I need to grab a tampon.Ē! When I saw this, I just couldnít stop laughing, first of all it was funny to see poor old Sirius so awkward afterwards, and how he was stuttering, and didnít really know what to do. And then it fitted perfectly with Belleís whole character, and of course the other girlís reaction to it was great! I donít think Iíll ever forget that line! Then the fact that Madam Pomfrey did the talk with them! I remember having that in the muggle equivalent and that was awkward!

I WAS RIGHT! Well sort of, but hey there was development on the Sirius/Belle front. I thought it was sweet that Sirius opened up to her, because in my head canon, I can imagine him being secretive about his home life and the Potters, and the only person he would talk to it about would be James, and for him to open up to Belle, aw thatís adorable! Then for her to nearly kiss him! I didnít expect that!

Then there was another example of what great friends Lily and Alice are by the way they helped Belle to try and understand her feelings for him. It was nice to see her open up a bit more, as from what she revealed you could tell that she doesnít have the easiest life back in France. It sort of reminded me of Siriusí, with the thing about how your parents would chose who you would marry, so I guess theyíre kindred spirits.

I thought Lilyís thoughts about Alrek were interesting. First of all, it meant that she admitted that she had some feelings for James, and that of course if adorable in itís own right. And secondly, she seemed to allude that she felt something was wrong with him. The way she seemed mystified that the Ravenclaws liked him, almost seemed to suggest that she couldnít understand why anyone would like him. Now I have tons of theories about him being a death eater in training bouncing around in my head, but this is probably me being biased because heís from Durmstrang.

Yay for Peter! I donít like him, but itís nice to see your portrayal of him, and how heís actually intelligent here, and how people go to him for help, it makes such a refreshing change from the usual version we see of him. And well done for not giving into the temptation of making him weak, as I succumb to it a lot!

So Eleanor sort of backs up my theory then? I doubt that he just wants to be friends with them, as going around and asking questions about them is a little weird to me, but this is just me wanting my theories to be correct. Then Iíll probably get to the next chapter, and find out theyíre all wrong, and heís the nicest guy ever!

Wow that trip to Hogsmeade was certainly dramatic then! First of all, there was Lily having the little mess up by saying her mum was alive, and then realising that she was dead, and my heart really went out to her at that part, then James squeezing her knee! Then the fight between Abigail and Alana. Then James getting Lily a kitten, and them hugging, so much drama! I was just wondering whether this is the cat Lily mentions to Sirius in that letter Harry finds?

Another excellent chapter Jami, and I canít wait to read the next :D

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Kiana I want an Easter Holiday!! Hehe!

It makes me so happy that you think I do a decent job at giving this a British feel! I know I still use some words that aren't popular over there, like I've caught myself using parking lot instead of car park and things like that, but I do really try and do what I can.

I definitely work more at getting my girls to seems as close as possible as opposed to the boys. Like you said, their friendship is already created so i just have to maintain it. But showing everyone what kind of friendship the girls have is more difficult. I just want to hug you for thinking that they all feel close ♥

You were right you were! And yes, I absolutely draw more parallels between Sirius and Belle and their lives in future chapters. Next chapter you'll find out so much more about Belle! Ekk!

Peter and I really did have to bond in this. You'll see eventually what I've kind of changed his future to. Obviously we know what he does, but I finally found a reason and a mindset that I can accept and hate him a little bit less for it. I don't want to give too much away, but i hope by the end of these books you'll feel a bit closer to him as well ♥

Hahahah you may find out something about Alrek next chapter, but I don't think it's going to be that he's the nicest guy ever ;).

Yes!!! This is the cat that Lily writes about in her Letter to Sirius! You're the first one to ask that, yay!!

Thank you so much for your amazing review, m'dear! They always put such a huge smile on my face. I hope you like the next chapter. And it's Friday! Yay!

Jami ♥


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Review #10, by Athene Goodstrength 

21st February 2013:
You know what? I really love seeing Lily doing her Head Girl duties. It wasnít all falling-in-love and being-awesome. I really like the bit later on when sheís proud of the work she did setting up the Hogsmeade trip. She actually has responsibilities - Iím sure Iíve mentioned this before, but you do a really good job of actually rooting these 17/18 year olds into their school career, rather than fully-formed adults who happen to be at Hogwarts. And just to remind us of that... youíve got the contrast between the Head Girl doing her clerical duties and the Head Boy sending Howlers into the girlsí dorms. Naughty, silly, funny James. And the whole Marauding gang, such naughty boys. They do think theyíre hilarious donít they? So do I, to be fair, but if I were woken by fireworks or Howlers, I wouldnít be laughing. God, itís like having two sets of Weasley twins in one House!

Urgh, Violet. I did an eye-roll with Lily. That said, I like having Violet around, itís nice to have someone to instinctively dislike who isnít necessarily a baddie.

I love love love the little moments like Lily understanding Jamesís train of thought, and James being pleased that she gets him, and stealing her cup of tea... Sigh. He is SO loveable.

JAMI! Alice is the one with the photographic memory?!?! Were you trying to make me feel like something kicked me in the stomach?! Wah. You just sneakily reminded me that this will all end happily for almost nobody. In fact, nobody. NOBODY WILL BE HAPPY AND NEITHER WILL I.

I love the Frank/Alice thing helping to edge Lily ever closer to her feelings for James. I guess the fear Alice had of losing Frank has given them an extra boost of I-love-you-donít-you-go-anywhere.

My dear, can I just say how proud I am that my birthday chapter is the first fic I have ever read to mention tampons?! Hahaha. Gotta love Belle. Having just heard about the Marauders being all cocky and naughty etc, thinking theyíre big and clever - and then the mention of female issues is enough to terrify even Sirius Black and send them packing. And poor Madam Pomfrey. But someoneís got to do it! Haha.

Is it me, or is William Potter secretly Cupid? He keeps bringing people together ;) I really enjoyed (even though itís sad, and sheís obviously struggling) reading more about Belle. You handle her sadness and her conflicted feelings so delicately, just as gently as Lily and Alice do. ĎAnd what Ďappens if I would Ďave kissed him? Zen I would start to trust Ďim.Ēí - this is so. sad.

Oh, Alrek. Alrek the mysterious. I love that his presence is bringing up all these questions in Lilyís mind about her and James. I know how she feels - people thought I was with Jack long before I actually was (and I did want to be, but it wasnít the right time)... I totally sympathise with her confusion and vague sense of insecurity about the relationship. Itís sweet that Belle and Lily seem to need each other so much, and both know there are things they arenít telling each other, but are being patient with each other.

But ugh, I want Alrek to go AWAY! What Eleanor said... itís just weird. Somethingís so wrong. But then Iím used to danger lurking in the halls of Hogwarts - our young Lily and friends arenít.

The way youíve written about Lilyís grief throughout this story is so sensitive and real. The way you can suddenly be blindsided by something as innocent as a cardigan - but the fact that sheís now at a point where she can embrace what that item means to her rather than collapse at the pain of it. And later when she forgets all of it and says about the cat allergy, I can almost feel my stomach dropping with hers as she realises. Oh I love McGonagall. It feels true to me that sheíd try to help a student with grief in that way.

I kind of want to hug Peter. Why arenít you just letting me hate him? (Iím glad youíre not).

That exchange between Belle and Violet, and then Belle talking to Lily afterwards just reinforced for me that Belle and Sirius are such a great match. Theyíre like each otherís counterparts - fearless, fiercely loyal, somewhat arrogant... not forgiving and forgetting!

Oh the irony of James sending people not allowed to Hogwarts back to their common rooms. I laughed at first, because itís kind of ironic - but then I got sad because he and Lily should have been around to sign little Harryís permission form. Sigh. This is the problem with Marauders era ;) Iíll ask again - fancy a late switch to an AU? :P

My heart MELTED when James quietly told her she was beautiful. Oh my GOD. Youíre making me feel like a lovesick teen again!

I love love love the scene in the pub. So many little things and details going on that are just juicy and fun. Acorn is an adorable name. And I love that Frank has a toad - is that maybe why Neville is so protective of Trevor? I love the reversal, of Neville losing Trevor and Acorn sort of just popping up in Frankís life. And then Belle loving dogs and Sirius flirting without her knowing...and Jamesís owl getting all excited about Lily.

The massive shift in tone, with the confrontation between Abigail and Alana is handled really well, and I love seeing Lily going from angry and authoritative to kind and discreet. Poor Belle. (shhh)

Before I get into the SQUEE over the last part, I want to say you write the relationships between the boys just as well as you do the ones between the girls. The tiny details of Remus and Frank being sensible, Sirius being encouraging, James doing something extravagant (and Ďtold youí)... perfection, missy.

Okay, here it is. SQUEE! Butterscotch! A pet kitten! A gift from James Potter! So many warm fuzzy shippy feels. On a side note, my neighbours have a cat called Butterscotch - she gets called Butty! Haha.

Loved this, as always. Another massive review. Sorry! ♥

Author's Response: I'm really going to try and do this response justice. Also!! for some reason you can't copy responses from pages (or word) without them getting that funny coding. It doesn't make sense, since you can copy reviews from there and the coding fixes itself. What I do now is copy the review into a document and respond to it in the box while reading the document one. Haha sorry, I just remembered you mentioned not knowing why your response had all the weird A symbol thingies :P

I have way too much fun writing Lily's head girl stuff. School stuff in general, I think. there's a chapter a few down, called Build Up, and it focuses mainly on all classes. Haha. For a while, it was jokingly titled 'Chapter in which Jami Pretends she Attends Hogwarts' :P

I was about to go on one of my rants about how important you know it is to me to show that these are just *children* that choose to embark on such a heroic but terrifying journey. But then I realized ranting to you would do not good because you've heard very rant I have :P

James really is loveable, isn't he?? Maybe we should group hug him. And Lily. And everyone. yeah?? It makes me so happy that you like him as a character though ♥ I always worry about doing them all justice.

I won't be happy when this ends either :(. Can we be mad together? And and and you won't make fun of me when I cry??? ;(.Stupid fictional characters getting me entirely too attached.

Hahahahahahah well Sarah, on your birthday chapter I couldn't give you anything less than one that involved such a lovely tool, now could I ;). We still use that on my dad. Sometimes I'll call my parents hours, and he'll answer and we'll chat, then I want to talk to my mom and he just try to annoy me. 'What do you want to talk to her about? What can't you just talk to me?' then he'll say that he's getting her, and pretend to be her and do a girl voice and try and trick me. So usually I end up saying that I need to talk to her about my cramps :P works every time. Men aren't nearly as tough as they think.

It took me a minute to figure out who William was bringing together until I remember DUH the article they were reading ;). You know old people... never happy unless us youngsters have a ring on our finger and a baby on the way ;)

I'm so happy you liked how I handled Belle's sadness. She still scares me. Haha

I'm going to be emailing me to tell you the story of how you and jack got together as soon as I finish this response, btw.

Making sure that it's never forgotten what Lily went through is super important to me. She is doing a million times better, but the girl still lost her parents. It isn't something she's just going to be over. Ugh you say all these things and make me feel so happy and I just want to hug you. How do you possibly pick up on so much?? I'm giving you the worlds most perceptive reader in the world award. Fo sho. :P

The scene in the pub was super hard for me to write how I wanted. I kept feeling like I was makings things so confusing and everything kept getting tangled and it was just so frustrating. I'm really happy you liked how it turned out, because some serious rewriting went into that one a few times :P

Poor Belle :(. Good job shhhing. ;). Is it weird reading this already knowing most of what happens? Haha

Butterscotch!!! Yay! Hahahaha butty is so funny. James and Sirius rename butterscotch a few chapters down, too ;P

Sarah I can't even tell you how awesome your reviews make me feel. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and just turning me into an insane ball of feels. I'm sending you the biggest hugs in the world. Do you feel them?!



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Review #11, by ValWitch21 

7th February 2013:
The beginning of the chapter has got to be magical teenage interaction at its best!

James, going into Crazy Quidditch Captain mode (capitals are necessary) and waking his team with a Howler made a lot of sense, actually.

What really killed me though was Belle's comment. It reminds me of a fairly awkward situation, which made me laugh even louder.

WHY, BELLE? WHY DIDN'T YOU?

Aww, James got Lily a kitten! I loved your description of her reaction, once again I really felt like she was a transcription of JK's writing onto the screen.

Have I told you before that I thought you were amazing? &hearts

Author's Response: So, usually I'm super planned out, but the begining of this one came out of nowhere. I really ended up liking James in it though. Because how could you not? The boys a brat, but his intentions are so good!

You know that I'm going to eventually just melt if you keep telling me I'm amazing, right? Like into a puddle. That's okay. I won't complain :P

Thank you again so much my dear!!


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Review #12, by Roots in Water 

3rd February 2013:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

And just when I thought I might be able to catch up... You post another two chapters. Ah well- at least I know I'll never have to wait to read the next one. :P

Ah- that was such a sweet ending to the chapter! When Peter first called out to Lily to come, I was worried that there was a more dangerous reason as to why she was needed... After all, she had just broken up the beginnings of a different fight. But once they entered the pet shop I knew...

I really liked the progress you made with the relationship between James and Lily in this chapter. Though they still aren't together together, they're definitely moving in that direction. I particularly liked the flash of envy Lily experienced when she saw Frank and Alice together. The other moments in the chapter- the quiet moment when he says that she's beautiful, her thoughts on her dependence on him- show just how close they've gotten and just how emotional and true this relationship is/will be. They won't be together simply because they've been told that they would be good together; they'll be together because they are both attracted physically, mentally, in all ways possible, to each other. And it's such a wonderful thing to see.

Might I add that I really liked the detail about Frank having a toad as a pet? It was a really nice link to Neville and Trevor and adds an extra dimension as to why Neville has a toad as a pet.

(Back from that sort-of side-track) I really enjoyed how you gave them a "normal day". It was a nice reminder that even though they are the Marauders, and even though they're living in the beginning of the first Wizarding War, that they are still in their final year at Hogwarts, that they still have regular duties to worry about, alongside schoolwork.

Furthermore, this chapter didn't feel slow to me- you slipped in enough small moments that feels like it all added up to something big. The progress in the relationship between James and Lily, the almost revelation about Belle's past, the basic demonstration of the solidness of the friendships... It was a wonderful chapter from the perspective of character development and depth.

If there was one thing (and only one thing) that I felt a little odd about, it was the encounter between the prefect and her pregnant cousin. It seemed to spark something in Belle, which makes me even more curious about her past, but I'm wondering if the scene serves an even larger purpose... It certainly seemed odd that a Slytherin was saying that her parents were more progressive than her cousin's. If it turns out to not serve a larger purpose, then it would be a scene I'd consider taking out, since it fit a little roughly into the larger scene.

I noticed a few other things but they're mostly personal opinion, so feel free to ignore them! To begin, with the phrase "the next form, then the next" I would add an "and" before the "then". As well, the phrase "FI (Form Invalid) next to his name which was written on a separate sheet, then slipped the form behind that parchment" sounded slightly awkward to me. Would "next to his name on a separate sheet, then..." work instead? And then with the phrase "only a few months had to have been a record for those two" I would change it to "had to be" and with "from both James an Sirius" you missed the "d" in "and". Finally, with "I did three toes", are you missing "scratch" or "hurt"?

I have one other comment: Is it possible that you could give Abigail more of an introduction? Her appearance seemed kind of sudden and it wasn't until Lily mentioned that she was a prefect that I remembered that we'd probably seen her before... Then again, my memory for characters can be pretty poor. :P

Your transitions between the sections were great! Nothing felt awkwardly done and I particularly liked the transition from the hallway into Lily's rooms- your first sentence made it really clear that the setting (and thus the scene) had changed.

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this chapter! It was certainly a pleasure to read; thanks for requesting a review!

Author's Response: Hi Roots!!! Sorry this response has taken me so long to get to :(

Showing that Lily and James eventually become, well, Lily and James simply because they are in love, they care about one another, and they'd never want to live a life without each other is everything I want to do with these books. I can't stand when they're painted as a pair that married because of the war, and I'm so happy that you think the little details are showing how true their feelings are &hearts'

I'm reading the review as I response right now, and your comments are just so amazing to hear (well, read). I just want to stop responding and sit here in all my warm feels, but then it'll be longer until I response and I don't want that! You just have no idea how much it means to me that you feel like this is showing why they came together in the first place. I want to hug you!
Hehe. I couldn't help but leave out the toad idea. Maybe Trevor was Frank's toad's baby :P

I'm so happy it didn't feel too slow! I really wanted to sit back and take a bit to let more of their characteristics shine through, but I know everyone doesn't love reading over 7,000 words on a normal day. Thank you for making me feel reassured that even if it was a quieter one, it still wasn't boring ♥

YES to your larger purpose question. We'll see Alana (the cousin) again on and off, and both her being pregnant and her denial that her parents are as harsh as Abigail's come back to us in book two. When the group is in the order. It won't be for a while now, but because it also ties into Belle it felt like the best place to put it. But I'll go through and see if there is a way I can make it fit in a bit smoother, thank you for pointing that out ♥

Abigail's last mention in chapter with Moody. Two chapters ago, I think. But her mention is just small. It's when Lily is calling the names of the Slytherin prefects and Briscoe says that Abigail couldn't make it, and he both seems annoyed at his fellow prefect and like he doesn't believe her. She comes a bit more after this, so I absolutely want to make sure there's recognition of her in this chapter. I'll go back and see if I can get a few lines in during the class with Moody. Maybe Lily can ask her why she wasn't there that morning or something... Sorry. I started brainstorming and got sidetracked :P Thank you for pointing that out, too, m'dear ♥

Oh good! I'm so happy that I smoothed out the transitions!

Thank you so much for this awesome review. Yours always offer so much insight and great advice. I know It's probably a bit ridiculous that I request each time you have a slop open, but I just can't help myself. Though I do hope you'll let me know if it ever becomes too much ♥

Your reviews always make me want to head over to Pansy. It's easy to forget to catch up on my reviewing, since I'm terrible and kept up on the reading part, but then I see Roots in Water and think, OH! I want to go reviewing Pansy! Which means you'll probably be seeing me later this evening;)

Thank you, m'dear! ♥


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Review #13, by Flying Free 

30th January 2013:
I just started reading your story, and I'm not going to lie, I'm so into it. Haha. I've ignored all of my reading for the week after classes just for this. This chapter is the first one I've reviewed, and it's been my favorite by far. SO ADORABLE. Definitely one of my favorites I've read on this website.

Author's Response: Ahh that means so much to me! Thank you so much for not only reading, but for telling me you're reading it! This chapter was so much fun to write. A Kitten! Who doesn't love kittens?!

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the next few chapters ♥

Chapters are updated every Saturday, just so you know :)!

Thank you again!
Jami ♥


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Review #14, by Pixileanin 

29th January 2013:
Ahh, hello there! I figured that since chocolate doesn't seem to do the trick in getting you through another one of my depressing chapters, I'd try a different way to cheer you up: by reading an exceptionally well-written and half-cheery story and leaving a review. Because we all love those!

Really, I'd review your story anyway. You're such an emotional reader/writer, and I guess that's why your chapters come across as so touching and sensitive. Particularly Lily here. She's got feels all over the place, I tell you!

On with this thing, which was a great deal of fun to read. I love, love, love the inclusion of having a Prefect/Head Girl checking for signatures on the permission slips. We all know that sort of thing happened, but rarely see that sort of mundane detail in a story. Yet, you tend to give us little glimpses of the normal stuff that's done in the background at Hogwarts, in those quiet moments of your story. I like those quiet moments, where the characters get to sit back and just be themselves when they think that no one else is looking. That's when the reader gets to really see them for who they are.

Of course, her reverie is interrupted by not just her friends, but by the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team, oh my gosh, that was funny trying to picture all those groggy, upset teens channeling their half-awake anger at their captain, who is acting like it's a perfectly legitimate thing to wake his classmates at oh-dark-thirty on the weekend. Yeah. Gotta love James for being himself.

Aww, and it was lovely to see Lily start to want something for herself after all this time when she was watching Alice and Frank together. Those two have certainly gotten publicly closer since the "incident", and rightly so. That would make most people rethink their priorities. But Lily absolutely needed her space. It's nice to see her start down the road of getting past that hurdle.

Belle's excuse was a classic and made me laugh out loud, which is something I rarely do while reading. It was so well-placed and got the exact reaction the girls needed, while covering them for as long as they needed and the boys won't even ask, no matter how long it takes them to get back to the library. :) Here's another opportunity you took to show us what happens at Hogwarts when no one else is looking. I love that Madame Pomfrey does this for the school. It makes so much sense for her to provide an educational role in an educational institution.

Poor Belle. She's got to have a big thing hanging over her. I hope she gets the chance to get whatever it is out so she can start trusting her friends. I think that she's in a place where she needs that and I just want what is best for her. You've really made me care about that character!

I loved how Alice immediately recognized the importance of Lily's outfit and that she didn't have to go and explain it to anyone. I really liked how you did that scene. If Lily would have had to explain herself, I doubt sheíd have been able to get through it without the tears. This way, she became the stronger for it with the support from her friends.

Belle is such the character! Not only does she try to "spice up history" in her assignments, which I find to be hilarious, but she also faced off with Violet and defended her friend. I think she got points from Sirius too for that.

Oh Alrek. I just haven't made up my mind about him. I'm sure he's up to no good, but he seems perfectly civil on the outside. If only those kinds of people came with warning labels pinned to their lapels, the world would be a safer place.

And those two girls were absolutely horrid to each other... and Belle's about to spill her secret... and Peter needs them right now, what happened oh no... and... and...

Awww!!! It's a KITTEN!!!

Author's Response: Look at this review!! Now I feel terrible for mine being so small. In my defense, it's hard for me to say much when my feels get all tangled.

Hahah sometimes I wonder why my emotions have to get so tangled in everything. I started reading the first few paragraphs of UWCOEFG but I got too scared and stopped. But now I've made myself toughed up and tagged you... soo.. *takes deep breath*

anyway, back to this awesome review.

I'm so happy you like those smaller, more every day type of scenes about what's happening in the background. I really like including those, but try and keep a happy medium and not having too many of them. Although I get a bit crazy in chapter 14 and spend entirely much time working through classes with Lily. When I sent that chapter to Dan to beta, it was jokingly title 'Chapter 14 - In Which Jami Pretends She's a Hogwarts Student.'

Aww I'm really excited to hear that you're caring about Belle. She was one of the first people in this story, and ends up playing an incredibly important role, other than awesome best friend ;)

KITTEN! It had to happen. It just had to. I mean, we know they end up with one eventually, and and... KITTEN. :P

Alrek has a surprise for you next chapter, by the way.

Okay. I'm headed off to UWCOEFG.

Wishing myself good luck. *cry*.


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Review #15, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

18th January 2013:
(Fair warning. I get a bit carried away towards the end of this one!)

Hello again, my dear. I'm back for round twelve (12!!). This was a really sweet and funny chapter. It was definitely a change of pace from the last few, but not in a negative way or because it seemed to drag at any point. It's fun to be reminded that these are kids (or at least teenagers), especially in light of everything that was discussed with the Order in the last chapter. They may be choosing sides in an upcoming war, but they still have family problems, relationship dramas, the need for extra study time, and a desire to just have fun once in a while.

You mentioned a couple of things in your request, but I'm going to hit on the characterizations first. My short answer is that I'm really enjoying the way all your characters are developing. I see them growing, but at the same time, still true to who they were in chapter one. I think you've relaxed (is that the right word?) them a bit since the start. Of course, the story began on a very emotional high note and people behave differently under stress. But to me, at least, it feels like maybe the characters are coming out more naturally for you now? Like you don't have to try so hard to give the audience a certain impression of who or what kind of people James, Lily, and the gang are. Maybe that's not actually true on your end, but it reads that way to me -- like you've really grown to know your characters more and more with each passing chapter.

James stole the show for me in the opening scene in terms of characterization. His prank, if you want to call it that, was very in character. As was his sort of laid-back response to the anger it provoked. As the chapter progressed, I started to notice too how strong the voices of the other characters had become. Sirius' line... I don't see why not. The Blacks make up loads of things to make themselves seem more interesting... was perfect. As was Belle's: Not particularly. I am rather fascinating to pay attention to.

Going back to the other things you mentioned. No, I didn't think there was too much dialogue at all. There are a lot of people in some of these scenes, and for the most part, you keep each individual line of dialogue relatively short. No major monologues, which can really slow down a scene. I also had no trouble telling who was saying what, so if you haven't already edited your tags, I really don't think you need to.

On a sort of related point, I'd suggest being on the lookout for ways to sharpen your transitions, some of it related to the dialogue, some not. Here are a few examples of spots where I thought it could be a bit cleaner.

This first one is towards the middle of the chapter. Lily is having some internal thoughts, and then there is this bit:

-- Her mind halfway rejoined the conversation after another few moments and she was able to figure out right away that Alrek was asking the group about some of the spells they were learning. And of course Remus was the one answering his question.

It feels a little heavy-handed, like you the author are thinking, "oops, better fill me readers in on what's happening so this next part makes sense." Of course, you DO need to do that very exact thing, but maybe look for ways to be a bit more subtle with it. Maybe something like:

By the time Lily returned her attention to her friends, the conversation had already moved on to a new topic.

"Lily's really the best with Potions, though," Remus was explaining to Alrek, who seemed unusually interested in what Remus had to say...

Also, the use of the * transition was a little odd for me, partly because you usually use page breaks, but also, it didn't really feel like you moved as smoothly as you could into the next scene. I'm having a hard time explaining what exactly didn't feel right here, so I'm going to just post another possible alternative. I don't mean it to suggest that the way I'm writing it is better. It's only because I can't think of another way to say what I mean.

"We'll take nine butterbeers, please," Remus said to the barmaid as James and Sirius pushed a table next to a booth and added enough chairs for the group to sit.

They'd just arrived in Hogsmeade when they spotted Alrek waiting for them at the entrance to town. The gang had made a beeline for The Three Brooksticks, making quite a show of it as they tried to find a spot big enough to accommodate their large party. Poor Peter, who Lily knew really hated having to make conversation with new people, had ended up wedged between Sirius and Alrek.

"Vell I suppose that vill taste enjoyable.

I guess maybe I'm suggesting trying to set your scene a bit more. I love the tactic of starting off with a line of dialogue and then backtracking, but maybe doing it sooner here? Also, there was a lot of placing people in their seats again, which I know I mentioned in another chapter. The bit about Peter was a nice touch, since it spoke to his character, but maybe the rest wasn't so much needed...?

All right, that's enough out of me for one day. I hope I didn't get too carried away with the suggestions. I know you've said before that you don't like it so much when people try to re-write your story through reviews, which wasn't my goal here. The content is lovely. I was mostly just trying to get at a few technical things.

See, it's getting harder the farther I get in the story because your writing is improving so much. I have to dig down deep to find areas to offer CC.

Until next time :D

Author's Response: First of all, I love your long reviews you crazy girl!!

You absolutely hit the nail on the head with what you said about me relaxing on their characterizations. It feels like I'm trying to find the words to use/things to do to bring out who they are less and less, and their just doing that more. I always had a hard time giving James and Sirius different personalities, because they are a lot alike, but somewhere along the way they really managed to carve themselves out. The fact that it feels like I've grown to know my characters more is such a huge compliment ♥

So that part about the scene transition with Lily, that's pretty much identical to what I was thinking. hahahaah. "Oh yeah, we're in the middle of Hogsmeade and I need to get Lily back into real world and out of her head.." thank you so much for mentioning an alternative way to transition that, because this paragraph was one that always annoyed me.

This entire Three Broomstick section was one of those that you kind of go, 'well, whatever,' because you know it isn't what you want but you just can't get it tweaked enough. And I could just hug you for getting my wheels spinning with it, because like I said it's been one that I was always unhappy with. I'll absolutely go back later today and rework a few things, thank you ♥

It doesn't seem at all like you were trying to re-write this through reviews! You suggested alternatives to a few parts that do feel very rough, which was awesome of you because you could have just said that they feel rough and left it at that -- and I'd still be left trying to figure out how to change it. My thing is when people say things like, "I don't think they would have went into Three Broomsticks first, it would have made more sense for them to go into Zonkos because the boys all love pranks.." those kinds of comments that have nothing to do with the actual story, just a personal preference on a store that the reader would have had them go into first.. if that makes sense. I've only had one or two reviewers leave those kinds of things, and that was easy enough to fix by not re-requesting ;). But yeah, you've never made me feel like you're trying to rewrite my story and every bit of CC you've offered throughout the last 12!! chapters has been more than helpful ♥

I'm so happy you see improvements in my writing as the chapters go by. You have no idea how often I go through your reviews to try and pinpoint what I still need to work more on, you've been so much help ♥

I AM SO EXCITED AND SO NERVOUS TO SEE WHAT YOU THINK OF THE NEXT CHAPTER. IT'S SUCH A SCARY ONE FOR ME.


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Review #16, by academica 

16th December 2012:
Hello! Hope you're in the mood for a holiday swap :)

I love the idea of having the Head Girl check over the Hogsmeade forms! I'd never really thought about it, but I'm sure Professor McGonagall and the others have much more important things to do, and someone has to make sure they're correct. I like the spell to check for the signature, too.

Belle makes me really curious. Sometimes, when a girl has a terrible secret, it turns out to be something not so terrible and the male love interest just immediately accepts her. It sounds awful, but I hope here that her secret really is terrible so that we can watch Sirius and her friends wrestle with it a little bit. I think that would make their knowledge of her secret, whatever it is, much more powerful. She's definitely an intriguing girl!

I really enjoyed your characterization in this chapter. Peter isn't hapless or evil; he's actually trying to help Belle with her essay. No one seems two-dimensional, and I feel like I'm starting to really get to know them all as you reveal bits of them little by little. I also like the way you've kept the pace of the Lily/James romance nice and slow. It's nice for Lily to have feelings and wonder how James feels about her for once--to be the uncertain one. It's subtle and soft and I just really love it. For instance, just the fact that he whispered to her that she looked beautiful instead of announcing it from the rooftops--it was sweet and shows he's changed.

Speaking of Lily, that moment with her mother's cardigan was so touching. I'm so proud of her for being able to actually wear it without collapsing into tears. It shows me that she's worthy of her place in Gryffindor, her position as Head Girl, and her eventual destiny as the brave, sacrificial mother of Harry Potter. It was a small scene, but it really spoke volumes to me about who she really is.

D'aww, a kitten! How sweet, even if it is a bit forward when you aren't even dating the recipient. I do want to mention that this last section seemed a little rushed to me. I think you could have spent a little more time with Belle, given her vulnerable state, and that there might have been a bit more discussion of the group's impression of Alrek (given that he seems both suspicious and important). I know this chapter is already long, though, so I can understand why you might have skipped a little :)

I'm almost caught up, yay! Great work, Jami!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda ♥ I'm always up to reading anything of yours!

Okay, so while I'm thinking about it I want to touch on Belle. I'm not sure her secret is terrible in the sense that it makes her a terrible person, but *she* thinks it makes her a terrible person, or did think that, which is what I think matters the most. I don't want you to get too excited, so I'll tell you that her friends don't really wrestle with Belle's part of it as much as they (mainly Sirius) just struggle with what happened to her. But I'm very excited to see what you think about it on the next chapter!

Hahaha I know, the kitten was so absolutely not subtle or taking it slow or anything but I couldn't stop myself. I've wanted to know where their cat come from ever since her letter where she mentions the car when talking about Harry's new broom, and ahh. I couldn't stop myself, heheh.

I'm so happy you are still liking the characterizations! And I agree with I could have done a bit more with Belle at the end section, but I think while you'll see I didn't next chapter. Mwahaha mysterious ninja face.

I haven't really had anyone comment on the cardigan section and I'm so happy you did because it was one of the most important parts (to me at least). It really has only been two months, and i think Lily's being so much stronger than a lot of people could be. She's just lucky she has enough friends to keep her from dwelling on the bad things that happen.

Your reviews always make me so happy, not only because of the compliments, but because I know the compliments are genuine. You don't hesitate to CC, which I love, but when I think about how much less you have to give in later chapters form when I first started I just float to cloud nine ♥


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Review #17, by LovlyRita 

13th December 2012:
Oh my dearest girl!

I meant to review sooner then this but I was determined to get BA finished and then I haven't yet and then I missed this story so much so I decided to come and review it and here i am and *takes deep breath* let's DO THIS

Ahh James, getting the quidditch team up early. What a nice touch. ahh organized sports :P

Ok, the part about the tampon actually made me laugh. When I was writing my Nano, I had a scene where one of the guys is basically calling the other guy a girl, and the one guy was like "Yeah I have to go somewhere" and the other guy was like "yeah, the tampon store" and I thought I was so funny and clever and then I was like wait. wait. Do wizards...is there a spell? Do they still use products like that? like...what happens? And then I felt weird for wondering that. And even thinking about it. But come on now, it's a crappy part of life, amirite? I left it in my story because I was like...this is too good to get caught up on small details :P But back to your story, I liked the way that all the guys were like Nevamind, we cool. lol!

Awww, girl hugs for Belle. I think I know what her story is, given that you asked me some questions about her in a PM not too long ago, but knowing that I feel even worse reading this part because I'm like poor thing, be strong! haha

Ugh Alrek. Dislike. Of course he wants something stronger than butterbeer. He is such a creeper. Dis. Like.

Wait, what is this? Lady fight? Angry lady slurs being thrown around? What is this madness? And Lily steps in to save the day. Silly slytherin prefect. and the poor girl who just had it all put on display in the three broomsticks. That's an intensely private thing, what the heck!

OH MY GOD KITTY. Awww that's so sweet. d'aww James, I can't believe that kid, always coming up with the right things to do at the right times. Smart boy.

What a great chapter! My current thoughts: Still hate Alrek, still think he's creepy. James is not-boyfriend of the year. Belle makes me sad and yet so happy at the same time because she's so fiery and passionate and loyal to some extent, but also she has this sad dark past which I am assuming we're going to find out soon. And believe it or not, I'm really liking Peter in your story, which I think is a difficult feat to accomplish because he is so horrible in the books. But I think as a kid, he would have been likable and much the way you've written him, which I love, absolutely. You deserve a damn blue ribbon for that.


Loved this chapter, as all the others. I know I am running out of chapters here, and you are running out of chapters of mine, and i think the important thing here is that we just. need. to. WRITE! :) So I'ma get on that ASAP. But I just loved this, brilliant job!

Ashley

Author's Response: So I spent like ten minutes trying to figure out how they would get rid of the boys and then I was trying to think of a no fail way...but then it clicked and I was like AHH IT'S A NO FAIL WAY ahahha. I wondered too if they use those then I'm going, well what are they going to do with that stuff? I mean, have a spell that makes it disappear right when it starts... okay this is going to get too descriptive so I should probably stop now. hahah.

I love your current thoughts, and that you're really liking Peter! Peter and I have an understanding that we're sticking with, so for now I can write him like the friend I hope he used to be ;(.

Um I love you and that's pretty much all I can say at this point. You don't know what it means to be to have someone reading this story, you know how it is. They're are babies *cuddles Before They Fall to the point of suffocation*.



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Review #18, by CambAngst 

17th November 2012:
Hello, again, darling! Here I am again, back for your next installment. This was definitely a slower-paced chapter, but not without its amusing and revealing moments. And it continued that gradual pull that brings Lily and James together. They're such stubborn people, not to mention struggling to overcome their fear of what could happen if they become more than friends. But things seem to be starting to roll downhill. Anyway, on with the review...

I love James -- make that Captain Git -- as Quidditch captain. He's unabashedly willing to do anything to give his team an edge, including waking up half of the Gryffindor girls' dormitory with a howler. Brilliant way to continue building his character.

Alice and Belle are such amazing friends. They don't even mind being jarred out of bed by a howler if it helps them continue to watch over Lily. I like that Lily not only appreciates what they're doing for her, but she's also honest enough with herself to admit that it still really helps. I think that somebody like her would be very tempted to tell them that she doesn't need the help, so as not to put them out. It's a subtle thing, but one that humanizes Lily a lot and differentiates your version of her from stories where she comes off as being impossibly strong.

Ooh! And what's this? Lily feeling just a tad jealous of Frank and Alice's relationship? I love it! Aside from the fact that it continues to develop the gravity between James and Lily, it also shows that she's turning the corner on her emotional recovery to the point where she wants that kind of relationship for herself again! Hip hip hooray!

OK, Belle's diversionary tactic was kind of gross and kind of brilliant. And I really liked your notion of how sex ed is handled at Hogwarts. It's one of those topics that never comes up in the books, for fairly obvious reasons, but there are certain aspects of the human condition that simply have to be taught, whether you're a muggle or a wizard. Madam Pomfrey was a good choice, although strictly for the humor value I think the heads of house would have been great, too. I'm just fast-forwarding about 15 years and imagining Snape trying to explain... things to the Slytherin boys... Maybe that needs a one-shot all its own.

Something deeper is definitely going on with Belle. I would be totally convinced of that by this point even if I wasn't beta reader for you and knowing the things I know. Whatever it is, she's scared that ii might drive Sirius away from her, so it's got to be a pretty big deal. My curiosity is serious piqued.

Alrek is a great foil to draw out Lily's deeper feelings toward James. Sometimes you need that contrast to really see things clearly, and I think Lily is starting to see her friendship with James for what it is: the beginning stages of something more. I really liked the way that she comes to realize that her fears about messing up her friendship with him are the exact, same sort of silliness that she was trying to talk Belle out of earlier.

Oh, my, the claw are out! Belle gives Violet a major league what-for, more of less putting her on notice that she won't be off of the naughty list any time soon. I love it. Belle has that fiery, French disposition. Shades of Fleur here.

Hmmnn... So Lily is a bit suspicious of Alrek. That definitely makes two of us. Something about his is a little off.

-- "I zink if I could 'ave any pet it would be a dog," Belle said absentmindedly.

-- "I always knew you had good taste, Leclair," Sirius remarked as he took another swig from the brown bottle.

You clever person, you! ;)

Gah! I love the way that Lily lays down the law to that nasty Slytherin girl, Abigail.

I knew it! I knew Belle has a big secret and it's about to come out! For once, I can't even really speculate. I'm always wrong when I speculate on your stories. So I'm just going to be pleased that I guessed that something was up.

Oh my god! James just went up about two notches on the smooth scale. A kitten? A tiny, butterscotch-colored kitten? I have to imagine he just melted her into her boots. Genius!

As always, I loved it. Like I said, no huge bombs were dropped in this one, but lots of small things happen that keep the story moving right along. Soon, we'll know Belle's big secret, and I have to imagine that the story takes some big turns, soon. Nice job, and I hope to see more soon!

Author's Response: Okay I'm kissing my last unanswered review goodbye...

When I first starting writing this Sirius was easily my favorite. He's so unpredictable and just reacts fully to everything. His temper is too fast but his happiness comes just as easily. But the more I write James, the more i love to. He's more calculated than Sirius, he thinks about things and sees the end result and he's just so laid back in most aspects. My favorite part of him and Lily is I think he's such an awesome compliment to her more organized type A personality. But anyway, he knows he can get what he wants no matter what, and has the dedication to stand behind that. Like getting his team out of bed to start practice early so the Slytherins don't have a lead on them :P

We both know our similar ideas of Lily and James, and the importance of making them normal and not these amazing people, so I absolutely want to show that Lily needs her friends. She would be no where without them at this point (oddly similar to how her son ends up.) because they really are all she has left.

Dan! You absolutely have to write the Heads of House doing that now, you have to!! HAHAAH! I had these fuzzy flashbacks to the first year of Jr High when all that happens. I don't remember much, but I do remember hearing one of the boys yell, 'OH MY GOD, THEY BLEED?!' from the classroom over. Hahaha. It's just not a comfortable situation for anyone involved :P

You've so caught me with Belle and Fleur resemblances. I don't know if you remember, but when Belle was developed she was supposed to be the daughter of Apolline Declacour's older sister. I don't remember the name I'd chosen for her now (the older sister) but anyway, Belle was Fleur's aunt, who Fleur never met because, well you know why. But then when I realized what happens to Belle, I decided it didn't make sense that we never knew about this aunt of Fleurs that _, because with what was happening with Voldemort it seems like it would have came up. Anyway, Belle's whole origin was created because I love writing Fleur so much. So then I figured I could keep her French, get rid of everything else, and just turn her into my own little version of Fleur :P

Ahh I wanted to hug James!!! The little kitten that she could never have! Whose basically named Butterscotch so that they can just call him by the last part of his name, and keep of with the tradition of Hagrid's current dog, Boozer :P.

I am so happy you liked this chapter and didn't think it was boring. I knew I had to include a slower one to get all these smaller details across, but ughh you know how much I worry about every chapter.

Okay. I have written so much in this review response. At least I've given you a mini novel to read at work :P

Thank you so much for your never ending support, Daniel!


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Review #19, by caoty 

16th November 2012:
Hey~ *waves*

So I will admit that I initially thought that this chapter was mostly going to be filler - it does take quite a few paragraphs for everyone to stop getting out of bed and for stuff to start happening - but I don't mind so much; it's a fairly realistic portrayal of, you know, people getting up in the morning etc. etc.
I like Lily's comparison of Alice and Frank's relationship to the romantic tension she has with James. Maybe it'll motivate her to get a move on and just kiss him already!

I like the amount of Belle in this chapter. Ooh, she's got a dark side, and she's got that thing with Sirius which could go either way but seems to be going in a way which will end up in loads of sad-Padfoot feels. I can't wait. You've done a good job of creating suspense etc. I'm sure you know because you wrote it.
Is it just me, though, or does Belle's Frenchness differ in parts of her dialogue? In the shorter bits especially, phonetically she comes across as more British than French... I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Sometimes your wording gets a bit lost, like:
with cheeks red and wind beaten
Wind-beaten cheeks? :P
Siriusly though, I actually thought that when i first read it.

And sometimes your characters' dialogue gets a bit lost in translation - 'tramp' in Britain refers to what you guys would call a hobo, and Abigail uses it about Alana, which threw me off a little bit.

And yeah, I'm nitpicky, but never mind. And OMGNEWBTFEVERYSATURDAYOMGOMG :D

Author's Response: Hi ♥

This one is definitely slower than the last. The next one is a killer though, so you'll be thankful for the normal day they had before it all :P

I honestly have no idea if Belle's French-ness differs in her dialog, hahah. With her I just replace H's with ' and TH with Z. BUT if some of her dialogue is sounding more British, I'm absolutely saying I meant to do that to show her slowly losing her accent/becoming more accustomed to British speaking patterns :P.

Ahhh I don't want Alana to be a hobo! I'll go fix that right now, thank you m'dear ♥

I'm so happy you enjoyed spending just a normal day with this lil group. I hope you kept an eye on Alrek... :P. AND. Your reviews always make me smile ! Thank you for tagging me, darling!


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Review #20, by MissMdsty 

15th November 2012:
Another chapter! Yey!

This was so sweet I'm totally in love with your characters right now!

Lily was again amazingly written, the way she slowly realizes that it's okay to move on though it still hurts. It's a slow healing process but you get there eventually.

Alrek still gives me the creeps, I hope they pick up on his evilness and make him leave soon. Urgh...

As for Belle, I'm so curious right now, I have a few ideas but my mind does tend to run away with me so I'm going to keep them for myself.

The kitten was a very nice touch, it shows just how much Lily and James have grown on each other. Also, Alice and Frank are my favorite couple right now, they have the cutest scenes.

Looking forward to next week!

Ral

Author's Response: I worry a lot about making sure it's obvious that Lily isn't just over her parents death like the blink of an eye, so I'm extremely happy that you're seeing her slowly realize it's okay to move on. I want to show that it still hurts her so much, but she's getting better. They're gone, and as terrible as that is, she's realizing that it can't be changed there's nothing wrong with letting that pain go.

Hahaha I know what you mean about Alrek, not a big fan of his either, myself :P

I am so happy you like the kitten scene! The Potters have a cat later on, Lily mentions it in her letter to Sirius, so I thought this seemed like the perfect way to include it. And I LOVE writing about Frank and Alice. I'm so happy you're enjoying them ♥

Thank you so much for this review!! ♥


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Review #21, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

15th November 2012:
OMG!! Do I really have to wait until next week?!?! I don't think I will be able to!!

Wow this is another amazing chapter. You keep me hooked and you have it all worked out so well! I'm thinking of all the little stories you've got running through just trying to see where you're going to go with it all.

One thing I forgot to point out in my last review is that I absolutely love how you've made Peter a likeable character, and in my eye's you've given him no reason to betray the other maurauders. I've read so many stories where he's forgotton about or taunted by the other guys but this just seems so more realistic. I'm curious to see if you're going to do something to change that or if he really is just going to give in to Voldemort as he is weaker.

Anyway... back to this chapter:

There's very few charcters who would wake the girls up with a howler and James is totally one of them. He's an absolutely amazing character and you've done an immense job of bringing him to life!!

Now, I was still completely clueless about Belle's secret until the trip to Hogsmede... Am I reading too much into her running off?? I have a feeling I might be right but you never know!! I think you really have made her my favourite character, I loved how she brought Violet down!

I do not like Alaric. There is something not right about that guy and he is really giving me the creeps. Maybe I'm wrong but I think there may be more to him, and it won't be good!!

I think my favourite part of the whole chapter has to be the last bit with the kitten!! OMG it was so sweet and lovely, a really nice touch! I could read James and Lily all day but you have them as characters so well it's just so lovely!

So yeah, fantastic chapter, sorry if I've repeated myself at times... Still looking forward to reading about christamas at the Potters and my only complaint is that I have to wait so long for the next installment ;)

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi darling!! I'm so happy you loved this chapter! Now that things are speeding up I may try and write two chapters a week and put them up Saturdays and Wednesdays, but we'll see how that goes :P

Yes I really wanted to show that Peter was a really important part of the group! He was a good friend and not just some kid they teased regularly. I can tell you that I'm not going to change the fact that the other boys are nice and good friends to him, nor just have him randomly decide to give into the Voldemort. I've finally figured out a way to go about his betrayal that works for me, and when it gets to that point I hope you like it.

You are NOT reading too much into Belle's scene...:P

Ahh I much care for Alrek either to be honest :P. I am absolutely thrilled that you liked this chapter, thank you so much for leaving a review, it made my day ♥

Jami


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Review #22, by shadowycorner 

15th November 2012:
OHMYGOSHSOMANYFEELINGSANDWORDSIDON'TEVENKNOWWHERETOSTARTJAMIYOU!

I guess it'd be best from the beginning. Sooo...

Leave it to James to send a Howler into the girls' dormitory to wake them up. I loved that. :D My feelings would probably be going along the same lines as Margaret's. There was so much subtle funny in the first section. Especially when Belle shut up all the guys so easily with that one remark. And before that, Lily was jealous! She wants James there beside her and tease her and well we know what that means! Let me do a yell of triumph. Also, the moment between the girls and Belle was very touching. I wonder what she's hiding. I believe that if it weren't for the war, these people would stay true friends even after school. But...-siiigh-

I think you handled the part with Lily finding the cardigan and feeling differently about it perfectly. You showed very nicely of how time and friends can heal you and these things no longer kill you but remind you of nice things. Even the writing of that part felt so soothing and gentle. I wanted to just reach out and hug Lily, but I didn't need to because she's already so strong it makes me love her even more. You're making such an amazing woman out of her.

What's this about Alrek asking stuff about James and Lily and the group? That's fishy, that's what it is! And from the wise words of Ronald Weasley, Lily shouldn't be fraternizing with the enemy! I don't know, I don't trust him, he's suspicious. -squints eye-

Oh lordy lord James whispering to Lily she's beautiful is so lovely! I actually squealed. It was so simple and quiet and random and unexpected! I would've fallen over right then and there, but I loved Lily's reaction, too, which was much more dignified and in place than mine would be. The rest of the Hogsmeade visit was so nice to read. Your descriptions were very nice and I liked how you wrote the entire pub scene. It felt so relaxed and laid-back, every character had some presence and something to say. It was as if I was there with them. Oh and wasn't it just adorable when Belle mentioned she'd like a dog? :) Also, according to what happened next with the Slytherin cousins and Belle's reaction...I assume she was pregnant before? I don't know, seems like a reasonable explanation after this scene. I'm really curious to hear her story, now more than ever!

Oh and yes, the ending...well, I think I mostly showed my emotions at the beginning of this review. I mean, what else can I say? That's like the most adorable thing ever. And what's even more baffling is that I'm really not into scenes like this usually, but something about the way you write and incorporate these scenes into the story makes me enjoy it so much! Also, in my head canon, the Potters have a cat, so yay Butterscotch. Lily has to love James now. He gave her a kitten. But no really, I loved the gesture. It's young and full of care and lovely and random and just perfect.

Wow, this chapter was 8K and I didn't even notice! As usual, great, great work. Each chapter is getting better and better. Your characters are really coming alive within this story that's so wonderfully written. I was really excited for this update, and I'm excited for the next one even more. I love this story. It makes me feel so many things, and it makes me closer to James and Lily. I love that I can be a part of this. This story is enchanting.

Liz

Author's Response: LIZ YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WITH YOUR AMAZINGLY AWESOME REVIEW!

I really agree with how wonderful of friends these people are. Even Peter right now, even if that changes in book two. Bad rat. BAD.

Lily is always my biggest struggle because I don't want her to be too much like every other Lily but I still want her to be 'Lily' .. if that makes sense. So I am extremely happy you like her so far!!

Alrek is very fishy. I shouldn't be doing this. but because I'm terrible at keeping my own secrets... If you read the second section of chapter 5, Secrets Surrounding Us (the one where Voldemort has just joined the table) then the last part of chapter 11, The Order, from the point that Sirius and James go into the potions classroom... You'll probably catch what Alrek is up to... ;)

Your getting very close with Belle you sneaky girl... and I had a difficult getting the pub section to sound right, so I'm so happy that it felt natural ♥

They do have a cat, they do! In the letter that Harry finds, it says something about him running into the cat with his broom, or knocking something over it with. Or I just made that up in my head and decided it was real canon... hahaha.

The only thing I've wanted to do with this story is give Lily and James, the whole group of friends, something that I feel like they deserve, and you saying that it makes you feel closer to them is such an awesome compliment ♥ I just wanted them to be how they are in my heart/head. The Marauders are real friends, who have fun together and play jokes, but also care about each other the way brothers do. Sirius and James are very much brothers in every way besides blood.. Lily and James aren't insulting each other at every turn, but realizing who one another truly is. You know how something becomes so set in your head that it just has to be that way? That's basically just what I wanted to show through this story and I'm so insanely happy that you're enjoying it &heart; ♥


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