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31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell 

23rd July 2015:
Hello again! Finally got back to this. I really enjoy this chapter. It sets up a sort of wry, funny tone for your story that I'm thinking I'm going to like a lot.

Ugh. Internships. Terrible, fake jobs you're expected to be grateful for, aka the worst. The way you set up both of her disappointing meetings with Mr. Ward was really well done. I think I laughed and groaned out loud when she had to read his sandwich order aloud. The timing was just perfect. I was stuck between, "oh you poor dear, don't get your hopes up," when he mentioned the Gringotts thing, and at least being glad that Edie's spirit hasn't quite been broken yet.

Your descriptions of the WW offices are very well-thought out. It seems like you've got a very clear picture of it in your head. I especially liked the moving wall of awards, though I think it would be terribly dizzying to look at.

The way you described Theo's nonsensical fashion was also amusing. It makes no sense. It doesn't matter. You can't see that it makes no sense because you're blinded by his beauty.

Finally, I really appreciate that even though Mildred is a grouch and would be terrible to work with, Edie recognizes that she has a point about the hangover business. She's willing to recognize her own shortcomings even when dealing with people she doesn't much like. Same applies to Rose. I like that Edie can objectively admit that Rose isn't so bad, all the while knowing that she kind of hates her, and that most of that is jealousy. It all makes Edie a much more realistic, dimensional character.

Ugh, would I hate that job!

CC: I noticed this one little thing:

Ward didn’t even know my for the first two weeks I worked for him.
--I think it should be "didn't even know my name for the..."

Another really enjoyable chapter! I'm looking forward to reading on!

Author's Response: Hello, miss Inkwell! (Have I mentioned I love your username so much?) Please excuse the seriously late reply. I've been busy, but I'm back and that's what matters! (Right?)

Haha, so you totally called out that Mr. Ward was not giving Edie her ideal writing assignment! Well, at least *you* saw it coming. Naive Edie, unfortunately, is another story... But then again this whole fic is just a series of letdowns for her, so what do you expect? :) And yes, internships can be very enlightening and fun, but oftentimes they don't lead to the things you'd hope.

It would indeed be dizzying to look at the rotating display of awards. I think being in that office in general would be nauseating, in more ways than one...

Theo is definitely the "office babe" but totally knows it. You know what I mean? Like, that person that is SO gorgeous that they HAVE to know, and you almost want to not think they're attractive out of spite? Like, no I will not give you the satisfaction of another woman throwing herself all over you GOD *stares at ur bum*

Ehhh, yes, being hungover at work is a no-no. As I am no longer the spry youthful creature I once was, even a beer or two on a quiet evening before work (listen, I like beer, I can't help it) makes me feel fuzzy the next day. And then I just feel so guilty the whole time I'm there (even though I'm just making people coffee.) Thankfully Edie knows that it's not the best thing to be doing either--but honestly I kinda want to rewrite this chapter so that she's indignant the whole time. But then it's like, where is her redeeming quality? Haha.

Thank you for pointing out that typo! I'm so sad because the computer that has the whole fic on it has died (I'm REALLY HOPING that I can retrieve it from the hard drive... computers mystify me) so I can't go back and make edits to old chapters right now. D:

Thanks again so much! ♥


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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

7th February 2015:
Ward didn’t even know my for the first two weeks I worked for him.

^ You're missing a word: name

should an editor need a Spell Checker Spell?

^ Yes. I won't even start on this magazine I once worked for.

“We need you.”

“I will be there!” I gush, emphatically poking the surface of his desk.

But I do this just as he is saying, “To man the refreshments table.”


OH. OH BURN. EPIC EPIC BURN. That was horrible. Even I had to take a step back and then I started chanting, "Quit, quit, quit." But we all have to start somewhere that's why we deal with it. I am the same way. I can't even say I 'was' because here I am in the same predicament for the fourth time in a row.

...she's lucky she has someone attractive to remotely stare at or daydream about. I've got nothing. Thank goodness for HPFF.

Author's Response: Ahh! Thank you for pointing out the errors. I have re-written this chapter a dozen times, and each time I seem to only generate new typos.

The "refreshments table" thing actually happened to me AFTER I wrote this chapter! My intern advisor at the art museum called about a "paid opportunity" she had for me and I started getting more and more excited, and it was to scoop ice cream at her son's bar mitzvah. D'oh.

Thank goodness for HPFF indeed. And for you lovely reviewers! ♥


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Review #3, by ladymarauder85 

27th January 2014:
Have you been an intern at a magazine? You're completely spot on. Been there, several times and several cups of tea later.

I adore Edie already! She's quick and has a real voice, which is something I'm jealous of - I can never quite manage a character who doesn't sound exactly like everyone else.

I love that Dean and Seamus are in this, it's not often I read stories that they appear in, so it's a nice change and time as well.

I can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Hiya!

Not at a magazine, but at an art museum... which is where I've drawn the majority of Edie's experiences from. I'm sure there are a lot of similarities between being a poor unpaid intern at either of the two places!

That's very kind, thank you. It's good to know that she seems real to you :)

Dean and Seamus forEVAR. They don't get enough attention in canon. Especially Dean, with such an interesting backstory.



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Review #4, by onestop_hpfan18 

19th July 2013:
Back again to review! I really am enjoying this fanfic. It's such an effortless read and I find Edie to be very relate-able. She's stuck in an internship where she feels underappreciated, while at the same time she knows that it'll all pay off in the end and she'll be able to write the stories that matter to her after she's paid her dues in the journalism community. I also enjoyed the little quips you've added of Edie's interactions with her coworkers and then fleshing out more back history to connect her friends with her job as an intern. Anyway, great chapter. (:

Author's Response: Yay! "Relateable" is really what I wanted out of this story. Glad to hear that, really. Thanks!!

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Review #5, by TheGirlOnFire 

17th July 2013:
Poor Edith. I would hate a jobs like that. But maybe someday she'll get where she wants. Keep up the good work.

TheGirlOnFire :)

Author's Response: Yes, hopefully SOMEDAY everything will pay off for her... :D

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Review #6, by peppersweet 

22nd April 2013:
Hello again! I am currently reading on A Mobile Device (capitalised for effect) So please excuse the shortness of this review or any spelling or grammatical errors herein.

something I forgot to comment on in your last chapter. The bit about Edie buying dean the quill was so sweet but also so very relatable; I'm an art student meself and the degree practically requires you to sell your granny to buy course materials. At one point I was spending £30 a week. That's six whole Galleons.

I liked Edie's feminist inclinations in this chapter! Her frustration at not getting to write about what she wants makes me ;A;

Also appreciating the way you've written her internship. So realistic. I spent much of today applying for jobs and in one drastic moment I almost put 'excellent tea-making skills' on my CV because that's all work experience ever really taught me.

really enjoying this story so far :3

Author's Response: Hello again! I wish I had A Mobile Device which allowed me to read HPFF... there would be so much more time!

The bit with the quill came from my best friends being art majors. Not only were they stuck in the studio for hours a week (on top of other, non-art classes) but they were just hemorrhaging money!

Yes! I feel that feminism really needs to be brought forward on HPFF, especially after that whole April Fool's debaucle.

Hahahha, "tea-making skills." Seriously though, it's so hard to get good experience when they only want you to do the grunt-work. I actually left my last internship because it went from researching/compiling information for exhibition guides to distributing event flyers around town. Womp.

I'm so glad you like this story!! Yay! ♥


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Review #7, by pinaygrl3123 

4th April 2013:
That was great. Definitely the horrible dead-end job a 20-something has to deal with. Her boss is atrocious and Witch Weekly is just sad. The cutie photographer is probably great to have around the office, haha. I love Edith, I love the way she thinks, and I love the way she deals with the people around - which she were real to be my friend! Haha.

Author's Response: Oh gosh, I know. I would totally hang out with Edie, haha. And it's interesting how much just having some eye-candy around the place can make your job so much easier ;3

Thank you for the review!! ♥


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Review #8, by ValWitch21 

21st March 2013:
thinks our heads are filled with body glitter rather than opinions

I laughed. As in actually, honestly laughed, and didn't just snort breath in a very unbecoming manner for a young lady. So, as often, this just shows what a talented writer you are.

Bahaha, Edie is so awkward and just doesn't know how to react around men, does she? (Second moment tonight where she reminds me of me, though for some reason, it feels less flattering this time).

Oh, I'd forgotten Dean was the one who got Edie the job! Here come the Deadie shipping feels again, it's entirely your fault!

You pulled off the flashback so well, which I find amazing because it's not even screaming !!!FLASHBACK!!! at our faces. Mildred is one heck of a lady, I wonder if I'll get a chance to sympathise with her or if she'll stay WW's Madame Pince until the very end. Her comment about the blue folder is very much The Devil Wears Prada, and right now I wish I could go and watch the movie again, except I can't because, well, the physics homework is still here.

NO EDIE ROSE ZELLER IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, OR ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES. NO

Oh, psh. You weren't too hard on her, she deserves it. Listen to me, Edie: I am the voice of reason (more like, I know how much Sarah enjoys torturing you) and ROSE IS BAD NEWS, AS BAD AS NEWS SUGGESTING OLIVER WOOD WOULD BE CANOODLING WITH A CENTAUR IN BELIZE (now I wonder who'd come up with that, really).

Haha, I thought back to your blog about Edie's deception at work. By the way, you never told me: how did ice-cream scooping work out for you?

Another great chapter &hearts

Author's Response: Woo! A full-on laugh is always good to hear about! Although the snorting would probably be more entertaining to witness... ;3

Oh yes. I think before I wrote this story, I was decently able to interact with boys. And I don't know if I'm just plugging too much of my thoughts into trying to understand Edie, but MAN, has that changed. There's a boy at work who is stupidly cute, and stuipdly nice, and we all have crushes on him (I AM JUST REALIZING HE IS LIKE THEO OMG EVEN THOUGH I HADNT MET HIM WHEN I WROTE THIS CHAPTER). But I'm always such an idiot around him. The first time he spoke to me I choked on my own spit and had to walk away because I was coughing so hard.

DEEDIE. Love it. Doesn't really make sense spelling-wise, but there it is.

hahahaha, the !~*~flashback~*~! thing kills me. You did a nice job with that yourself, in chapter two of Reason to Fight! I remember ;D

I DID NOT SCOOP ICE CREAM I REFUSED. It was probably a stupid idea, as I was really broke at the time. But my Edie-esque pride got in the way and I was all NO WAY I AM BETTER THAN THAT except I actually made up a passive-aggressive lie about having to work.



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Review #9, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

14th March 2013:
Hahaha! Sorry, I can't help but laugh! I just find myself loving Edie more and more as the story progresses!! I really can't wait to see what she's got in store for us in the next chapter!!

It's really sort of hard for me to write a review for this chapter right now because I'm seriously fighting the urge to read the next one right away, but I'll do my best!!

I think you've done a wonderful job of characterizing everyone in this chapter, particularly Edie. Without coming out and saying it, you've shown us that Mr. Ward is ignorant and self-centered, Mildred is vengeful, and Edie is a feminist. And I absolutely loved Edie's senseless babble when she was trying to explain the flask in her pocket!!

I think this piece is progressing wonderfully dear, and once again there are no grammar or spelling mistakes, and the flow is amazing!!

Another amazing chapter, 10/10!!

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for taking the time to review! It's so nice to see how badly you wanted to read on, too :D

It's so nice to see that people generally like the scene with Mildred. I was a little up in the air about it, because it does little to progress the plot. But I like how it shows us Edie's character by pitting her up against somebody so different. And it illustrates why she's putting up with her internship; really, it'll look good on paper.

Thanks so much!


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Review #10, by soapman333 

24th February 2013:
Hello again! I'm thinking that if I had to take Herbology, I'd get a "T" as well. Plants freak me out a little.

That being said, I enjoy all the silly things she has to do as an intern! I cracked up about the whole "charming smile" part.

Poor Edie wants to write about real news, eh? If there was a goblin revolt, I would want to write about it too :P

Theo is an epic name. I wish my name was Theo (Sorry, random). Another side note, why are photographers always the "sexy" ones :( I can take silly pictures too. *cough* back to the story, sorry.

Mildred is now, officially, my favorite character of your story (sorry Seamus). I laughed, a little too hard at that scene.

Oh man, what a slap to the face, manning the refreshments table?! That is epic. Way to get her hopes up, Mr. Ward :P I like him almost as much as I like Mildred (he's a close third, right under Seamus).

Wow, Edie's got a long way to go in WW, huh? Sad.

Jack

Author's Response: OH MY GOSH NINE REVIEWS. Thank you! You are on fiyaaahhh.

I can't take credit for the "Charming Smile" thing. A lovely HPFF member on the forums (whose name I forgot because I suck) suggested it.

Theo is actually Theodore Nott! Surprise. Haha, I just love stuffing my stories with minor characters. And it's just me personally, but as an artist I find other artists/photographers/musicians really attractive. I think it's the whole "Aww, he must have a *deep* side!" belief, which I can't say is true for Theo ;3

Yes. Yes she does have quite the ways to go, haha.


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Review #11, by magnolia_magic 

6th February 2013:
Hey! So ever since our swap I've been catching up on this story, and I thought it was probably time I actually reviewed it :) You're doing a fantastic job with this!

When I think about how to describe the experience of reading this story, the first word I think of is fun. Even when you describe the things Edie hates about her life, like her menial work and obnoxious boss, you aren't asking us to seriously pity her. Instead, her misfortunes me laugh in a "that's-so-true" kind of way, and I find myself rooting for her. You take the everyday things that make us want to scream, and put a funny twist on them. I think that must be why I find myself in a great mood after reading one of your chapters.

Oh, and I'm dying to see more of Theo. As the one bright spot in Edie's less-than-desirable work life, he's someone I want to get to know better. Plus, he sounds like he'd make a great love interest for her at some point, maybe? Oh well, I'll find out :)

I'm still amazed at the sheer amount of description you're able to give us, and yet I hardly ever feel a lag in the action. The coffee mug part was the only time I felt impatient to move on, and even then I wasn't that impatient because the image of that mug was so priceless :) I have a very short attention span, so I'm not a fan of wading through lots of description. But you've done a great job of holding my attention, which is an accomplishment, haha. Just know that some people like to get right to the action without all the scene-painting, and that's okay. You can't please everyone; just keep doing what you're doing, because it's working really well.

This was a great chapter! I love what you're doing with Edie, and the WW crew is so obnoxious that it's entertaining :) Keep up the awesome work!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! Thanks for taking the time to come back and review. :3

You're spot-on with your reaction to Edie's life. I made a conscious decision when the KC&CO plunnies were first appearing to make Edie's constant misfortune a joke. It would definitely be normal to feel sorry for her, but in a way that you can still laugh. One of my favorite quotations (by Robin Williams, which is weird) is "nothing is so bad that you can't laugh at it," and that's the feeling I wanted to achieve with this story!

Agh! You don't know how nice it is to see that this story puts readers in a good mood :'D

Theo does appear again in the story, although not until chapter ten. But he definitely has a ~*~super secret~*~ recurring role, and that's all I'll say about that ;3

The coffee mug was something I considered not including. I really didn't want Edie's narration to sound *too* conversational, and I think that it strays too far into her addressing the reader directly. I need to re-work it into the story, at a better time, because I too love the image of the mug, haha.

Thank you again, very much, for the review. I'm glad you pointed out that bit with the mug because I'd forgotten about it--I'll fix that on my next editing go-around!


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Review #12, by The Misfit 

20th January 2013:
Hello there! This was yet another wonderful and interesting chapter, and it was so lovely to see the Witch Weekly offices and meet the people who work there. I really how you included the female goblin protests, and used that to explain Edie's view of feminism.

I love, love, love Edie's interactions with Mildred, and Theo, and Rose, and the ever-increasing horrendous Mr. Ward! The moment when Mildred catches Edie with her hangover potion was hilarious, and incredibly relatable. I also like her "work friends only" relationship with Rose, and it's perfectly understandable for Edie to resent Rose for having the job she wants, and the article she wants! I'm really intrigued now as to how she gets the article from Rose - and according to the summary, she does - so you've done really well here, including a little bit of the story but keeping the rest for future chapters, so we readers are left hanging, waiting for more.

I especially love that bit about Edie's reaction to Mr Ward wanting her to man the refreshments table - it's just so relatable, and so awesome. The way Mr Ward is so disdainful about the female goblins' rally is a good characteristic of the type of the boss that you're writing him to be. :)

I also LOVE how you've included those tiny little details that really reflect the characters, like Edie's mug and Mr Ward forging the Minister's handwriting. ♥ XD (Perhaps that's the real reason Mr Ward switches his posters and stuff around - so that forgeries can't be caught so easily by visitors into his office?)

I did notice a few inconsistencies / typos, which I'll list here:
#1. If Edie had received a T in a NEWT subject, wouldn't she have been removed from the class as it'd be too hard for her?
#2. At the start of the story, and in Mr Ward's office, you write him as a coffee / cappuccino drinker. However, when Edie talks about when she was first called into his office, and at the end of the story, he's a tea drinker. While it's entirely plausible for him to be both (I am) you've written it as if he sticks to the one beverage, so I would suggest clarifying that. ;)
#3. Typo: "translate to Insured that editor of magazine received daily deliveries" < Insured should actually be Ensured.
#4. "his preferred brand, Madame Puddifoot’s Authentic English Breakfast. Decaffeinated, the twat." < I would advise, if you decide to make Mr Ward a tea drinker, to add "Tea" after breakfast. The first time I read that sentence, I thought he was drinking the breakfast version of Cup-A-Soup - a hot liquid with the flavours of a full English breakfast. o.O

I just realized that the above paragraph was really long, and I'm sorry if those errors come across as serious - honestly, they don't. They're just minor errors (and I'm most likely nitpicking), but I've seen this story in the reviews requested thread often so I'm guessing that like me, you'd rather know about those little mistakes. ^.^

Nevertheless, this chapter is absolutely wonderful! I'm going to come back in a few days' time and finish reviewing the rest of the story so far - I'd love to know what happens next!

PS: I forgot to mention this in the first review, but I'm apondinabluebox from the forums! :)

Author's Response: YOU!!! I know who you are now :D Thanks so much for leaving two amazing reviews!

I partially made Mr. Ward the way he is because I wanted Witch Weekly to be as little like The Devil Wears Prada as possible, and I thought that making her boss the opposite of Miranda Presely would help. Also because I was watching Hot Fuzz recently for the 1938209431th time and Steve Coogan's very minor role had a HUGE influence on him. Like he's who I'm imagining every time I write Mr. Ward xD

The list is not at all bothersome or lengthy, in fact I never noticed the issues with tea/coffee... I hadn't thought about that at all! I just really loved the line "decaffeinated, the twat" and don't want to get rid of it... so I will definitely need to be thinking of how to reword that! The English Breakfast thing is really funny too, haha--I had no idea it was also a soup! Thanks for the heads up there xD

Thank you again, so so so much, for such a thoughtful and helpful review. I will certainly return the favor soon. :D :D :D


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Review #13, by FallenAmaranth 

20th January 2013:
Hey again! This is a REAL LIFE BRITISH PERSON with your review ;) I'm sorry but that really made me chuckle when you said that :P

Girl! You making me quite attached to this now! This involves Oliver Wood and she works with Theo? Babes, I almost feel like it's my birthday ;) Eek!

I'm actually really interested to see how Edie manages to land herself with the chance to interview Oliver Wood, instead of Rose doing it - I assume that she would have done, considering she's the one with the Quidditch piece assignment.

I love the new characters you've introduced, Mr Ward, Theo(e!), Rose and Mildred. They each have very different background and personalities, and most importantly, they're all so very real.

Theo, being the only Canon character, is as much in character as he could get, considering he totally did not get enough love in the books. I guess you could say JK left him out enough that there is a little mystery surrounding him, and with his [sexy] soft voice, he could totally still be mysterious. And gorgeous, obviously. He doesn't seem horrible or angry about anything, as one may expect from an ex-Slytherin whose father supported Voldemort, but of course, we had no idea if Theo did or not(Nott, hehe) or that he was into Photography!

Mildred is, I have to say, the perfect name for such a character. I love her! In that sort of hateful, aggravating way. I bet she just hates Edie because she's awesome and has a life, and she's probably pining for her seventeen cats who weren't allowed in the building. Or something. Like that... ;)

I have to say, I've definitely met a Rose. Which is why this is so realistic, because I can relate with your characters. I have a feeling that Rose is one of those people who are nice enough to like, but should only be taken in small doses. However, I don't think she's one of those "dumb" girls that just care about guys and the way they look, I feel like she's attached to guys(obviously, because you mentioned it) and quite pretty naturally, but she's not stupid, apart from the fact she can't realise where she's going wrong with the blokes, but she seems alright. In small doses ;)

Mr Ward is a bit of a meanie, telling her to man the refreshments, of all things! It's quite funny though, how he's praising Edie for being so amazing at all the difficult-and-meaningful-sounding assignments, I mean, all those cuppa's must have taken some skill to make :P OOH! I thought of a britishism! Other than 'cuppa' in terms of a cup of tea, we also say 'brew' instead, but this could be a tea or a coffee.

Also, since Edie appears to do it a lot, if someone's been out on a bender(I think this word is universal) - basically a heavy drinking session - we also say that they're out on the piss(AKA, out getting pissed/wasted) For Seamus, if he's wanting to go out to pick up some girl, you could say he was 'going out on the pull' and if he managed to get off(or more) with someone, he would have pulled. :D I have absolutely no idea if that's British or American, some slang is heavily influenced by TV and Film. :P Although, I think pubs are more of a British thing - I only ever see bars and clubs in US TV/Film - what some people like to do is a 'Pub Crawl' where you basically start at Pub#1 and have some drinks, and then move on to Pub#2 and then Pub#3 etc. I'm not sure but I think the idea is that by the time you get to Pub#17 you're probably crawling and have significantly lighter pockets. :P Also, this is probs universally used as well, but in pubs people generally 'get the rounds in' where one person gets a round of drinks - basically buys a drink for each member of the party, and, once these have been drunk, it'll be the next person's 'round'.

Something that is very northern, if any of your characters of from the north of England, typically Yorkshire area, is 'Owt' and 'Nowt'. Owt mean 'anything', so someone could say, "Are you doin' owt?" Meaning, "Are you doin' anything" and 'Nowt' means 'Nothing', so if someone did say, "what are you up to?" the reply could be simply, "Nowt."

Just to let you know, this has been added to my favourites, I love it!

- EM

Author's Response: YOU ARE BACK, BRITISH PERSON!

I love minor, overlooked characters! Rose Zeller is actually canon too, and is so minor that I only "remembered" her because I looked at a list of neglected canon characters. I was gonna use Demelza Robins but changed my mind because Iforgotwhy. But yes! Theo! Photography just seemed to make sense to me because I imagine him always studying and examining everything and everyone at Hogwarts, remembering things, but never actually getting involved. Like he was looking at the world through a camera lens *cliche, right?*

I think you are spot-on with Rose. She is definitely intelligent and driven, otherwise how would she have landed a job at a magazine so young? But she has her insecurities which she manifests by becoming boy-obsessed.

Ooh the slangs. I am glad you listed off all of the terms for getting drunk without even batting an eyelash xD Sometimes I think people think Edie is a bad person because she likes to go out and have fun. But now I know how to say it in, like, fifty different ways! (Also I feel like British slang, particularly that of Northern England, is generally way cooler than American slang.)

Thank you again so so so much! And I am excited you added it to your favorites!!!


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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter 

18th January 2013:
Hello!

Hey, darling, its Gabbie here with your requested review and thanks for giving this to me again to read, I honestly enjoyed the first chapter so much that I'd inteded on going back to favorite this. I think you have such a unique story here and your Edie is just the most perfectly unperfect person ever. She seems so real that I could sit next to her and have a long chat about how horrible and boring my real life is. I honestly do enjoy how awkward you make her and how unsatisfied with her job she is while also painting this picture of WW for me! It doesn't seem like a great place to work, especially for a girl like her that wants to branch out to bigger and more serious things. The Goblin strike that you mentioned had me really interested and I thought that it showed a hint of how much the times had changed. So, great job and I can't believe how much she has to suffer but that bit with Mildred was too hilarious. I could picture every little awkward "buddy" moment and I thought you got that spot on, your characters are amazing. All the details that you added into, from Theo's lovely bum and to the eerie actions of Rose stalking Theo to LOOK at his lovely bum, were great. That ending made me want to grit my teeth though, I felt so bad for Edie, and I hope she spat in her boss's tea. :3
So, no CC's or anything, I thought that this was really engrossing and your characters are great, the jokes really funny. So great job!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Yay, yay, yay, yay!!! I am so glad you liked it. I actually just went back and edited this chapter today, particularly shortening sentences and stuff. I'm much happier with the finished product now, so I'm sorry you read the "old" version. hehe xD

I really wanted Edie to just be a normal person. I wanted her to be feisty but too awkward to get away with it; intelligent but stuck in a position where she doesn't get to display it. And I wanted her to be pretty, but to have a friend who is so stunningly beautiful that Edie "might as well be a guy."

It's so nice to see that you genuinely enjoy this story--I love having readers that I don't have to request! haha. Quite the ego boost!

Thank you again, so much!


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57 

12th January 2013:
Hi again!!

The second chapter was a lovely follow-up to the first. Mildred is one of those characters that you love to hate, and the contrast between her and Edie is amusing. I also loved the descriptions of gruntwork that Edie mentioned. They added a lot to her character and to Mr. Ward's idiocy.

The part where Mr. Ward called her in just to ask her to man the refreshment table was just mean. She really got her hopes up, and then they were thrown back into her face. Which created much amusement for me! It was a very well-timed scene. Kudos for that!

The only thing I would suggest for this chapter is that you continue to tighten up your syntax in a few places. Be on the lookout for run-on sentences and see where you can break them up so that the reader doesn't get confused. And sometimes, breaking up run-ons has a more powerful impact than just letting words run rampant. (Not that YOU did this; I'm just hyperbolizing.) In certain situations, I find it necessary for run-ons, but mostly (and I'll let you be your own judge on this) it's good to keep everything tight and punchy. This story has a really good tone and style, and with just a few minuscule tweaks, it can be really, really brilliant.

Good work on this second chapter!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Another HPFF author, who I greatly admire, made a suggestion for brevity so I've been trying to work on that. I've yet to take her (and now yours, too!) advice and go back to edit preexisting chapters, but I definitely agree with you and appreciate that you pointed it out.

I've had mixed reviews about the scene with Mildred, so I'm glad/interested to hear that you actually liked it. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with that scene, in the long run... although I have some silly Mildred-themed plans mapped out in my head ;D

Thank you again so very much!


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Review #16, by patronus_charm 

6th January 2013:
Hallo, it's patronus_charm avec your review! (I felt like introducing languages other than English today ;D)

I really like how you've formed Edie as a character as she provides witty insights into boring scenarios so that was fun to read. It was also interesting trying to figure out where she fitted in with the rest considering she wasn't mentioned in the HP books.

I also liked how you weaved some of the under-rated characters e.g. Justin, Lisa into the story and made them come alive. It was really good as their time at Hogwarts was just left to a brief sentence or so, so it was nice to see them as actual characters.

At times I felt it got a bit long-winded, that there wasn't action. As I'm just doing the first 2 chapters it may be because you're just introducing the characters and the plot. However as this is a comedy I anticipated a slightly faster pace.

You say you were afraid of cliches I couldn't really see any. I haven't read that many Oliver/OC stories so I may not be the best person to ask however I found this story original and quite different to anything I've read before :D I sometimes find the best stories are the ones with cliches as that's what the reader wants to happen so you shouldn't downplay them to much.

Overall I think this was a great start as it intrigued me into finding out how all of the characters know each other and how Edie fitted into Hogwarts. The main pointer really being maybe fasten the pace? I found it funny though and I think that's the main thing :)

Author's Response: Hallooo! Thank you very much for stopping by to read.

Yup, Edie is the product of my own brain. I like making original characters Hufflepuffs, partially because they are rarely mentioned in canon so OCs fit into the story quite easily, and partially because I think 'Puffs are highly underrated!

I actually plan to go and dissect the second chapter in particular. I appreciate your mentioning that it gets long-winded at times; it's definitely important to keep readers from being bored out of their skulls!

Thanks again!


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Review #17, by EverDiggory 

27th December 2012:
I'm really, really sorry about such a terrible wait, but it's been a long month for me! But I'm here now so..

The style is still as perfect as ever! If there was anything that I was hoping that you would keep up was the style. Because there's so many stories with styles similar to this, its hard to make it stand out, but yuou've odne it!

The characterization is also as excellent as it was in the previous chapter. I didn't see any grammar/spelling/whatever mistakes but I wasn't really nitpicking for them.

Rather than rambling and telling you everything I love/adore/whatevere, since it'll take too long, just assume that I'm pleased with the quality unless I state otherwise!

The only thing I'll poke you about is the imagery. I know, it's hard especially in first person, but it's worth it! Just try to add some in your next update or whenever you can, and we'll take a look! The worst that can ahppen is that it's awkward. You don't have to overdue it if you're not comfortable with it. I think just a little would do the story good!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: No problem! Thanks so much for reading anyway :)

I'm glad you found my story entertaining, and that you liked my characterization. I'll definitely take your advice and try to plant some more imagery along the way. I tried to include some more about the WW office in particular, but I'll take another look.

Thanks again, so very much!


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Review #18, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

21st December 2012:
Hello :) Just popping by with your requested review!

Let me just say I am absolutely LOVING this story. Edith is such a great character and the way you write makes the story great. Her thought processes are so funny. I sat chuckling all the way through. Honestly - I can't give you enough praise. It really is excellent!

I haven't particularly noticed anything I can give you CC on so on with the praise...

I love how you've built the characters up in her work place and you have taken a typical crappy placement and put it in the wizarding world effortlessly. It just reminds me of the Devil Wears Prada - just a less mean boss! The descriptions of the place are spot on - I can really picture everything you describe so well done on that!

Still looking forward to Oliver and how Edith is going to be with him!

This is such a great story! Seriously well done!

Lauren

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that you like Edie! Sending an OC into the queue is like sending a kid off to their first day of elementary school XD You worry that everyone is going to like them and hopefully not steal their lunch.

Well, maybe not the last bit.

Baaahh I really hate that it's so Devil Wears Prada-y; I hope it's just because it's set at a magazine headquarters. In my experience, bigger organizations (whether in journalism or otherwise) often have interns doing all the grunt work... I don't mean to draw so heavily from DWP but it seems everyone feels that way XD

Thanks again, times a zillion.


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Review #19, by Mystique 

16th December 2012:
I really enjoyed this story so far. I've been meaning to read it for a long time and now that I have, I'm really glad that I did. I love your characterization of Edie - she's absolutely brilliant, I really want to see how she and Oliver will get on.

I really don't have any criticism for this story. I feel that you've characterized all the characters really well. Especially Seamus and his height! He's just how I always thought he was in Harry Potter. And I love the fact that you included several minor characters such as Rose Zeller and Lisa Turpin.

So all I could really say about this story was that I loved it and I can't wait to read more.

Charlie

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you so much! I'm glad that you like it. And yeah, minor characters are so underrated! Theo (photographer at WW) also accidentally became a minor character; I just liked the name before realizing that there was a Theodore Nott and decided to make him the Slytherin grad. :)

Thank you so very much.


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Review #20, by javct 

21st November 2012:
javct45 here with your belated review.

Okay, I have to admit that I've been slack. You requested this almost a month ago and I only just got here. Sorry!

I really adore this story. It's so... Devil Wears Prada-ish and with the added touch of magic to it it's just brilliant. I think that you've done an amazing job at making the story interesting despite its lack of canon characters.

Mr. Ward makes me laugh, yet, at the same time he kinda bugs me. He's like that boss that you /never/ wanted. Though, as good as this story is, I feel as though the workplace is a little cliche'd. I mean, she has no one at work and all of her bosses take advantage of her and make her do all the 'dud jobs'. I think that I would find it more easy to read if she at least had one friend at work. But hey, this is just my opinion.

I can't wait to see Oliver! I like how you haven't introduced the readers to him from the first chapter. It gives the reader a chance to understand Edie and like her.

Once again, sorry about the /really/ late review.
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: No apologies needed! Thanks so much for getting around to reading this :) You made a really good point about Edie not having a single friend there, but I felt like there was an overload of characters and I didn't want to create another "work friend" character on top of Mildred, Ward, Rose, Theo and Tallulah (who will have a bigger role later.) I originally had she and Rose as good friends but I liked this relationship better; it's kind of based off the way I feel about a certain girl at work ;) You know, the people that you tolerate because you are around them 8+ hours/day but in reality you don't have much in common.

I want this story to be about Edie, and not about Edie and Oliver. It's going to have a huge role, mind you, and this is definitely a "romantic comedy" story. But she's still the main focus! :)

Thanks so much!


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Review #21, by ChaosWednesday 

16th November 2012:
hey it's Whiskey, back for another review!

I found that this chapter read well, had a great build-up and never failed to entertain. But what bothered me was how it just didn't seem to fit into the Harry Potter world.

In fact, it reminded me of a Hollywood movie. Particularly something along the lines of The Devil Wears Prada or Post Grad or something in that direction. I don't watch many such movies, so I can't name a better example, but you know the ones I mean: Fast-talking characters, many jump-cuts of busy New York streets, clean white offices, lots of coffee in take away cups, everyone is hot and ambitious with nothing but a short list of obvious character traits to define them, the main character is awkward but relatable and is in the process of finding herself, etc.

Although I am not a tyranical canon-enforcer (my own stories deviate to the point of leaving out entire characters), I still love the world that J.K.R. has created and I come to this site to find out more about it. It doesn't take away from the quality of a fic if you don't stick to the original feeling, but I would still like to point out that, in this story, I really missed the magic and the cozy, time-less village feeling that the HP books offered. Although we never find out what the "big world" after Hogwarts looks like, we know a little bit about what it might entail. Both the Ministry and Diagon Alley, among other locations, retained the same mixture of harmless makabre, medieval oddness and mystery that Hogwarts did. I didn't see any of that in your presentation of the Witch Weekly offices. Is it a magical, chaotic place like some Ministry departments? Or maybe a sparkling wonderland of femininity, full of odd gadgets, racks with the craziest of clothing and shocking posters? Or, if it is intended to seem abysmal and boring, is it dark and littered with lifeless stacks of papers, covered in coffee stains and housing strange creatures? Basically, what is the palce like and how does it represent the life of the people who inhabit it? And where are the typical loveable lunatics that J.K. filled her world with so very generously?

This is really my only critique. It seems serious because I spent so much space in this review talking about it, but honestly it's not a problem at all, but more a matter of taste. I am no specialist the romantic-comedy genre that this chapter seems to make use of, so I really can't say any more about it. I felt like it flowed well and set up the scene for some interesting development. My only advice would be to add more magic ;)

I will review the next chapter, but it might take me some time to get to it. I hope you didn't find that this review was discouraging and feel free to P.M. me if anything was unclear.

Author's Response: Whaaat, a review I didn't have to *request?!* This is so exciting! :)

I agree that my story totally deviates from HP canon, and I'm sad to say that I totally love that world you described XD I'm actually aiming to become a part of it professionally. I just wanted to go for something different, which I also did in my story The Wild by turning pureblooded society into a Victorian-esque society. I like to take canon and play with it. I really do like your suggestions for better describing the Witch Weekly office, though. Description of location is something I often forget to focus on, and my description of Mr. Ward's office was a conscious effort to offer more of that (and I hope also reminiscent of canon with the moving photographs, owls darting in and out, and papers that file themselves).

I really appreciate your critique, though, and honestly I have to agree with you. The scene in the "break room" especially was too Muggle-ish for me, but I was more concerned with other aspects of the story to focus on that. So thanks for poking me and getting me motivated! I am in the process of editing chapter four for the zillionth time right now, and as soon as I'm done I will go back and take a look at Witch Weekly. :D

I actually my PM you indeed, you have scared me with the "hot and ambition with nothing but a short list of obvious character traits to define them" bit, as I'm terrified of creating a two-dimensional OC. ;)

Thanks for the CC!


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Review #22, by Calypso  

14th November 2012:
Hello! I'm back with your requested review :)

Haha woo for feminism! Love your idea about the female goblins' protest- it's so original. I'd never thought before about how all the goblins in Gringotts seem to be male but you're absolutely right!

That done with, I think that this was another great chapter! Poor Edie- it sounds like a hideous internship. Still, you managed to work a lot of humour into the narrative- I'm really enjoying Edie's cheerful, slightly sarcastic voice. Your writing has a really lovely flow to it- it makes it very easy to read!

Your character descriptions are all fantastic, and very skillful. I can just imagine Rose, and Mr Ward, and Mildred, and Theo (turned feminist swim-suit model photographer? I'm just gonna go with it!) The way they all act seems very realistic.

Edie herself is extremely relatable, if not always completely likable. You do a really good job of bringing across her flaws as well as her weaknesses without making her seem like a monster! Her jobs in the Witch Weekly Offices do make me laugh- I particularly enjoyed Mr Ward's sandwich orders! ;) -And then of course your fantastic anti-climax over the Gringotts thing. You brought across Edie's horror beautifully there, and I was torn between sympathy and laughter!

So yeah, another wonderful chapter- I really enjoy your writing style, and your character portraits. Do we get to meet Oliver in the next chapter?!

-Bethany

Just thought I'd say I'm so happy that my suggestion about George and Lee Jordan in my last review was helpful to you! :)

Author's Response: Hello, hello, hello!

Yeah, the whole goblin thing has always been interesting to me. I've generally disliked the goblins I've read about in the books, and this is just another reason to feel that way, as far as I'm concerned ;)

I like that you don't always like Edie--to me, that means she's more realistic! She's definitely got her flaws, that one. I'm also glad to hear about your sympathy/laughter conflict. I'm trying really hard to make Edie the underdog without making it seems too melodramatic or as though I want the reader to feel deep, poignant sympathy for her. What happened with Ward is something you kind of have to laugh at. :)

And yes, that was a really valuable suggestion about Lee Jordan/George Weasley. I just kind of liked the idea of having them around but really it didn't do much for the plot, so you were completely right to suggest removing it. I thank you again!


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Review #23, by teh tarik 

5th November 2012:
Helloo...I'm back with your requested review :D

This is one hugely entertaining chapter! From Edie's sardonic inner monologue and her very witty observations of her environment to the topic of feminism among goblins...this is such an utterly creative way to introduce feminism into a fanfic :D I absolutely love it! And it is quite a lovely surprise to find that Edie is a feminist; it adds so much more depth to her character. There's also that rather amusing idea of the complete anti-feminist Mr. Ward heading the publication of a magazine targeted specifically for witches and who also continues to pledge his support to established institutions of patriarchy (bahaha, this sounds so ridiculously formal).

That was a very comic twist toward the end...

"Edith," he said. This time I don't even mind the use of my full name. He pauses. Slight dramatic exhale. "We need you."

"I will be there!" I gush, emphatically poking the surface of his desk.

But I do this just as he is saying, "To man the refreshments table."


There is such a wonderful anticlimax here, a great build-up which then subverts reader expectations (and Edie's as well), and serves to confirm, more than ever, that Mr. Ward is an insensitive, rather-sexist oaf.

As Edie is a self-proclaimed feminist, I would love to read more about her positive interactions with other women; so far, in this chapter, she's had conversations with Mildred and Rose - and both moments are rather unpleasant with some character tension. This is just a recommendation and my opinion; you need not take this up.

I think you could embed your flashbacks / side-stories a little more smoothly into the main narrative. For example, the segment about Mildred beginning with these sentences:

Mildred’s been exploiting my headache because she knows that I partied like last night was 1999. This is due to an unfortunate chance encounter we had in the breakroom.

With my back to the door I didn’t see Shelob, as Dean and I call her, drop down from her web. It’s like if she dared to slouch even the slightest her whole world would be turned inside out. I was in the midst of pouring a pain-relieving potion into my coffee from a flask.


Before this segment Edie was rambling about things at her job and spell-checking and so on. The transition from all that to the above paragraph was a little sudden, and is a little forced. Also, the character of Mildred was introduced a little earlier in the chapter, and doubling back and bringing her up again sort of disrupts the pacing of the story a little. I would recommend that you move this paragraph (along with the whole coffee incident) up a little to where Mildred is introduced.

Maybe somewhere after this section?

As she passed by in her stuffy sweater and tweed skirt, Mildred has dropped another enormous stack of parchments on my desk. It lands on the Oracle Underground with a loud bang that rattles my poor brain.

I squeeze my head as if trying to choke out the hangover. "Thank you Mildred," I call bitingly.



It would be just perfect (at least in my opinion) if Edie proceeded to go on a rant about Mildred (especially the bit about Shelob and all...) here rather than later on.

Also, another thing to watch out for would be sentences like this:

Female goblins are not nearly as ugly as the males, I notice somewhat cruelly.

I feel it would be a lot better if you cut that second part of the sentence out; that way, the switches between internal monologue and surface action will be a lot smoother. Also, Edie is already "noticing cruelly", with her sentence "females goblins are not nearly as ugly as the males". There's no need to explain to the reader; it is quite clear.

OK, so great work on another hilarious entertaining chapter! The ending paragraph was just perfect, and I've really enjoyed this!

Good luck! I can't wait to read about the feminist goblin protest :D

-teh

Author's Response: Holy jeez!!! How did this review even FIT in the form? haha, thank you so, so, so much!

I would want to smack Edie in the head if she wasn't a feminist, I think--same of all of my OCs, hehe. ;) And I'm glad you appreciate the irony of somebody like Ward heading a women's magazine; I wanted to comment on people who get certain jobs just for the pay check and without any consideration as to what kind of ideas they are spreading or conveying. :)

That's a really interesting point about her interactions with other women. I hadn't even thought about it like that. Let's see, I am trying to think of the best, most PC way of responding to this, haha ;) I imagine that Mildred is really old-fashioned, as obviously she hasn't wanted to be any more than a secretary for her whole life. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being one, but historically it's typically associated with women who answer to/work for men. And Rose being completely obsessed with boys and letting them rule her life is a bit anti-feminist, in my humblest of opinions :)

I took to note your comment about the transitions between narrative and flashback in the previous chapter, and I'll definitely do the same here. Editing is something I constantly do when writing a fic, and even when it's done... so this is something I definitely want to take a look in to. I appreciate you pointing it out; something felt a bit off from where I added extra paragraphs during different bouts of writing and they felt a little unconnected. Thanks so much for pointing out exactly how to fix this problem!

Thank you again, so very much!


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Review #24, by Jchrissy 

31st October 2012:
Hi darling! I'm so happy to be back for chapter 2!

You've really done an awesome job with Edie. She doesn't only keep my interest, but I connect to her really well. After I got my BA, I realized that it's hard to find something to *do* with a BA. Especially if you aren't going into teaching or psychology. Anyway, I think we've all had a time where we hit the corners of 'what now' and 'this sucks' and you really made that feeling clear in this chapter.

Edie is clearly an intelligent girl, and wants to be doing more with her skills than a gossip magazine. Or at least get to something important within that gossip magazine!

I love the detail you've given every character so far. Something as simple as what Dean was able to do to help influence to job, and the way you described Theo was awesome. It all just goes in my head and creates this much bigger, more complex picture as opposed to a two dimensional world.

I really thought when Rose started talking to Edie it was going to be to offer her the Quidditch article! Then when she started walking away and Rose didn't stop her, ahh!

So, I do have a suggestion. I remember you describing Edie in the first chapter, but because she's an OC and it takes a bit for us to get OC's really clicked in our mind, I think this could benefit from a little more physical description of her. Not that you didn't already do that, but just reenforcing it so when someone does go a bit between chapters they don't forget. Slipping in small things, like when she was crossing her legs she might have flicked back a piece of her __ hair.

My heart really sunk for her when she was called in and it seemed like it would be something serious! I again had thought it was about the Quidditch piece, and maybe Rose already told him she couldn't do it, and suggested Edie or something.. ugh! Poor girl just can't get a break. And now she gets to be the refreshment girl. Poor thing! I hope we get to read about that, it sounds fun!

Your writing is very fluid and easy to read. You do an excellent job in first person, and considering I've just started a first person short story collection.. I've realized how difficult it is! So now I'm even more impressed! But it felt completely natural and I just became absorbed into this chapter.

I look forward to your re-request for the next :)!!

Jami

Author's Response: Yay, yay, yay, wow wow wow! Thanks for such a wonderful and in-depth review! I think you're quite the writer so having your opinion is very nice!

I feel like I really know these people--particularly Dean, Edie and Seamus, and it makes it so fun and easy to write them. I'm glad you like their characterization! And yeah, Rose is fun to write, too. She and Edie have a shared dislike for one another deep down, but there's really no one else to talk to at work, so... :)

And thanks for the suggestion! I have a pretty lengthy physical description of her in the third chapter that might actually work better earlier on in the story. I have the bad habit of assuming that because I have a banner/chapter images, people know exactly what my OC looks like, haha. But I'll look for a place earlier on in the fic to put a physical description. Thanks for that idea!

Thank you again so much for leaving such a thoughtful review!


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Review #25, by kandekisses 

18th October 2012:
Awww Theo. As in Theodore Nott? I do hope so. I don't know why but I do have a soft spot for him. &Of course I love the fact that you made him irresistibly good looking.

I also liked the little bit about the resume and her little white lies. Got to use that in the future =D

&Also the little talk Edie had with Mildred in the break room. So funny! It kind of reminded me of The Devil Wears Prada with the whole a thousand girls want this job.

I actually like this Rose character and am looking forward to seeing more of her. I think that they get along pretty good, just a bit of jealousy over the job.

Speaking of jobs, poor Edie! Did her boss really do all that to tell her to man the refreshment table? OMG.

I really like what you have done so far. I know you were a bit worried about the plot pacing but I like that you did a bit of the back story. So now it's exciting to see where the story goes. &To get to see a bit of Oliver =)

Nicely done

Author's Response: I REALLY like writing Rose and Edie together... it's like Edie genuinely likes her deep down but is too stubborn to get over her jealousy. They have this really great relationship where neither one is too terribly fond of the other, but they use one another to unload their problems (and of course they aren't actually listening to each other.)

That little scene with Mr. Ward was inspired by a moment that happened to me at the art museum where I intern...basically I thought I was being asked to take part in a fashion show and wasn't, haha. Nothing nearly as horrible as what happened to Edie, but it certainly lent itself to my plot!

Thanks again so much!


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