Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sushmita 

21st February 2017:
Absolutely love the way u portray Bellatrix Lestrange and how she is the person she is. Magnificent to read the mirror scene and the emotions that traverse thru her mind.

 Report Review

Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
So many emotions. I think I'm just completely worn out from this chapter and the last I can't even begin to imagine how you wrote either. I don't even want to touch on Frank, Alice and Augusta because thinking of them makes me too sad.

So instead I'll talk about Bellatrix and how you completely creep me out. One minute i'm crying. The next I'm laughing. While others I want to hide behind my covers and speed read because that girl is dark. Your imagery had me shaking. That's a compliment to your skill but not good on my end. It's a good thing I'm reading this in the morning. You and Dan like to creep me out when it comes to Bellatrix.

Give me nightmares.

 Report Review

Review #3, by nott theodore 

31st July 2013:
Jami, how on earth is it possible that these chapters just keep getting better?! I think you need to start sharing some of that massive talent you have - it's mean to hog it all! (Although then I wouldn't have this amazing story to read...alright, I'll let you keep it :P)

I was so worried at the end of the last chapter with that cliffhanger and in a way I'm glad that it wasn't all okay. Because things aren't in war and it's clear that this is where the war is really starting to make an appearance and affect their lives, and it makes me so sad because even though this news is horrible for them to receive, things are just going to get even worse and even more tragic for them.

You did such a good job with Dumbledore here! Everything he said seemed so consistent with his character and his reactions were to everything were so believable. I felt like I was listening to him talk in the books or something. Professor McGonagall was brilliant too, even though she barely spoke in this chapter... but everything she did say, I was just like "Yep, that's McGonagall."

The first major incident in this war is so horrible! The fact that the attack took place at the christening of Edgar's twin daughters is just awful, although it seems exactly like the sort of thing the Death Eaters would do. But it was meant to be a happy time and it ended in disaster! I'm glad that he managed to save his daughters and wife though, even if the deaths are still horrible and tragic.

I love the way you take canon details and twist them a tiny bit so that they become your own! From the moment you introduced the idea that James and the others worked out how to produce talking Patronuses, I completely believed it. Before I even got to your author's note, I was thinking that Dumbledore had probably taken the spell and tweaked it a bit, so it makes perfect sense to me. I liked the way that James described them working it out; taking the Patronus by the antlers seems like a very James thing to do.

Aw, it was so sweet when James looked at Lily to cast the Patronus! I'm guessing that he probably used a specific memory to produce it, and I hope that we get to find out what that is at some point. And I loved the fact that Lily didn't know the form that James' Patronus took before she was able to cast hers! I know that it kind of reflects how good the pair are together, but she doesn't seem like the sort of person who would have changed her Patronus just to match a guy - even if that guy is James Potter.

Alice and Frank were so adorable in this chapter! I really loved them here. I could really feel Alice's fear and tension when she didn't know what had happened to Frank, and their reunion was very sweet and touching. We haven't seen a lot of them together so far and it was great to get a chance to see that in this chapter. But now I'm sad again that they'll end up the way they do... in fact, I'm getting the feeling that you'll probably break my heart multiple times with this novel!

The moment between James and Sirius was so cute! I love the fact that James has obvious flaws in this story - maybe he cares too much at times - but at the same time he's so adorable and of course he would forgive Sirius! I can see all of these traits in both Lily and James that we see in Harry during the books, but at the same time neither of them are complete copies of him (although technically it would be the other way around... but let's not get me confused here - it's late!) And I also like the fact that I can see how all of them are growing up and learning more about each other as the novel goes on.

Bellatrix! She's just so crazy and terrifying! But I'm growing to really love these parts with her, and learning more about her character is so interesting. The descriptions in the end section were particularly brilliant - I could imagine her viciously attacking her own reflection to punish herself for her failure. And then the fact that she's happy to submit to any punishment as long as she can remain one of Voldemort's servants is horrible but just so Bellatrix. One of the things that is great about these bits is that I'm seeing another side to the war. Although I can't agree with what the Death Eaters are doing, I feel like I'm beginning to understand them more and I even feel kind of strangely sorry for Bellatrix here!

I'm so glad that I started reading this story because I'm enjoying it so much! Every time I click on the next chapter I smile because I know I'll enjoy reading it, even if it's sad!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!! Awww haha you're so sweet. I really do hope they approve as they go along though, because one of my biggest goals with Before They Fall was to really push myself to improve.

I'm so excited you liked what happened after the cliffhanger. I didn't want anything absolutely terrible, like finding out someone's close friend had been murdered, but I wanted something bad to really make everyone come to terms and see that the war *is* able to touch them in Hogwarts.

Ahh I'm so happy you liked Dumbledore and McGonagall!!! This book has definitely been good practice for those two. I used to half cry every time I had to write Dumbledore, because he really is so difficult for me, now I've gotten to the point where it's sort of a fun challenge each time he pops in, haha!

Ahhh I'm so happy you liked that bit about the Patronuses! I was worried it only made sense to me. But once I thought of it, it really did click! Like, we know these boys are always testing the limits to invent things to make their lives/sneaking/marauding easier... and having a quicker form of communication would be a must. Anyway, I'm super happy that you liked that and were already thinking along the same lines as my AN!

I half hope and half don't hope that I break your heart through this, hahah. I don't want to make you sad, but I do want to make you feel as close to these guys as I do. I never thought I'd get so stinking attached to these guys, but they're addicting!

The Bellatrix parts are some of my very favorite to write, and I'm so excited you're liking them! The idea of her being able to undergo anything, as long as she's still his servant, is pretty much what I center her character around so I'm really happy that you picked up on and liked that about her.

Thank you SO much for another amazing review! I love the detail you put into them, and it's so much fun getting to read your thoughts through the chapter. I'm so, so thrilled that you're liking the story, Sian ♥


 Report Review

Review #4, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
I was a little disappointed by James reaction in the last chapter, which I forgot to mention, because he's been kind of perfect but I think you really showed flaws to him there and it was written so incredibly well too. I mean, don't get me wrong I still want to smush the life out of him but it's great to see his character flaws more defined and clear. I think one of his biggest flaws is that perhaps he cares too much? Am I right in saying that James is more sensitive than he lets on...I'm not sure if sensitive is the right word. But anyway, I am glad he realised his mistake and apologised in this chapter because that showed one of his amazing qualities and I just, gah, love him.

This chapter was very hanting, sad and I found myself feeling totally like Alice. Alice and Frank, I'm not sure if I've talked all that much about their relationship before, but for me this was one of the first times where we see just how deep they care for eachother and it was kind of heartbreaking to watch the way Alice reacted to the news and the way they reunited. Before this we only heard about Alice's birthing hips ;) but here was just super...sad. I had so many feels for this chapter, but I'm glad you focus on other things too like the war and this was quite a big attack that has happened and caused a stir.

Anyway, love it Jim-Jam!

Author's Response: Mazzy-May (that's your new name btw, to go with Jim Jam).

I think you're absolutely right in thinking that James is more sensitive than he lets on. He watched Lily go through hell, and know seeing that maybe that could have been prevented was just super hard for him. And I'm happy you liked that, even if it wasn't his finer moment, it showed that he is flawed.

I don't think I did Alice and Frank justice until this chapter, or maybe not even then. But it was like I didn't realize that I hadn't given them there proper chance to show us about themselves! So I'm really excited that you liked seeing more of them in this chapter. And yes, focusing on the bigger pictures like attacks and things really starting to get bad is something I really try and do!

THANK YOU MAZZY MAY !


 Report Review

Review #5, by WeasleyTwins 

8th July 2013:
Hello Jami! It's about time I got around to another chapter, isn't it? Just know that I adore this story so much and there's nothing better than knowing that I can come and read another chapter :)

When I first started reading, I thought I'd already read this chapter and then I realized you'd sent me the section with the Patronuses (at least, I think :P). It was excellent, as to be expected. Dumbledore's speech patterns and vocabulary are irreproachable. Of course, I think the fact that the Marauders thought of sending messages via Patronus is genius. You are a genius. And I must wholeheartedly agree with your statement that magic evolves. Everything evolves and I think it's totally plausible that Dumbledore just made a few tweaks to the Marauders' method and BAM, what we know in canon about the spell. What you've done is exactly what dedicated and superb fanfiction authors do: they take what they've been given in the particular fandom and tweak it to make it their own. Where do you come up with these ideas? I just don't even know sometimes. I think you have some kind of superhuman powers!

I do have one critique/suggestion (don't kill me!) concerning this paragraph: "The warning rang through Lily's soul as they said their goodbyes and departed from the Headmaster's office. The ride down the self moving stairs, back to the Gargoyle, was a mixture of relief and terror." - I really wanted more from you here. This is your transition paragraph and it's good, but I know that with your talents, you could make it even better. It's not bad, now, don't get me wrong. I know you don't want to overload on description, but I think a few more sentences would break up the change in scenes nicely and add flavor there. For me, it's the perfect spot to show off a bit without being facetious and also a chance to give readers a bit of that Jami flair.

Other than that, it was all wonderful. James being so forgiving? That is so Harry and so beautiful. You pulled that part of his characterization off excellently. It was understated and perfect, I think. And good gracious, that last section, now that's the Jami flair and style that I adore and envy! Bella is so vicious and so obsessed. You do such a great job with her. Ahh, it literally gave me chills (it's 2 a.m. and I just know I'll have nightmares). But really, it was simply that striking and memorable, Jami, enough to make me believe that I'm going to have nightmares about it. That's real writing. That's style.

I've known since I started this story that it would end up being a classic and you have yet to disappoint. Love, love it.

Shelby ♥

Author's Response: Aww Shelby you're too sweet ♥ I was so excited when I saw the name attached to this review!!

YES! I think I did send you that section! Good memory, missy! And what am I supposed to say to all those sweet comments?? I have a bit of an obsession with taking canon magical things and twisting them up to give them reasons/ways they happen/anything that sounds fun :P I know everyone isn't as enthusiastic about facts and details as I am, so it makes me extra happy that you like them ♥ ♥

Poo that paragraph does need some work. To be honest, there are probably too many places to count where I could go back and really improve things. After I finish the last few chapters of this and before I start the next, I'm going to be rereading it all to spot any small side plots I need to carry over, so maybe I'll also take that as an opportunity to bring a few things up to par! Thank you for pointing that one out so I can make sure to pay attention to it when I do get to work on editing!

I think I do a lot better of getting into the description mood when I have a character really stuck inside themselves at the time, and I'm so thrilled you liked Bella's section!!! She's too much fun to write, but I do NOT want to give you nightmares! She's probably secretly super nice to Muggles. No? Oh... well.. maybe hide under the covers? :P


Thank you so, so much for this amazing review, Shelby! I was so excited to respond. I have to do my responses in Order, and I had a bit of a build up from my last update, but I powered through them so I could get to yours and tell you how much this review means to me ♥

Did I just capitalize Order up there? ^ Oy vey. Haha.

THANK YOU ♥ ♥


 Report Review

Review #6, by rogue_bludger 

24th April 2013:
in case i havent mentioned it, you're a brilliant writer. i've been devouring this story and have been in so much of a rush to get from chapter to chapter and find out what happens next, that i've been a terrible reviewer! so consider this 9 chapters worth of reviews in one because this truly is a fabulous story and i'm loving it so much!
~M

Author's Response: Wow!! Thank you so much for this awesome review!!! I can't tell you how happy it makes me that the chapters are holding your interest enough to make you want to continue on. Thank you so much for leaving this amazing review and for stopping by to read. I just want to reach through the computer and hug you!

♥ Jami


 Report Review

Review #7, by Courtney Dark 

24th April 2013:
I loved loved loved the scene in Dumbledore's office, even though we heard some very bad news. I love you incorporate these little bits and pieces we know about the marauders era into your story yet still make them your own and completely original. And I thought you wrote Dumbledore extremely well, too. I've never written him myself, but I'm guessing he'd be quite a hard character to get right.

The talking patronus! That was a really cool scene and McGonagall's reaction was brilliant. I'm guessing James was thinking about Lily when he cast the patronus? Though what moment he chose exactly, I'm not sure.

Gah, you write Bellatrix so brilliantly! I feel like I've said that quite a few times, but I'll say it again anyway. These chapters just keep getting better and better. I'm not quite sure how it's possible, but it is.

Amazing work!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi darling! Dumbledore is definitely a challenge to write, so I'm really happy you think he turned out well! He's one of those characters that you just have to write the same thing a million different ways to see which one sounds most
Dumbly haha.

Yes! He was thinking about Lily! The exact memory will come out eventually ;).

I'm so happy you think they're improving! I've definitely tried to improve over the course of writing this, so knowing that shows is really such a huge compliment.

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews, Courtney! ♥

Jami


 Report Review

Review #8, by Ginny Weasley 

24th March 2013:
Did James think about Lily? ;)

Author's Response: You got it!!! He was thinking about a specific memory, and we'll find out just what one a while down the road ;). Thank you so much for reviewing!
♥ Jami


 Report Review

Review #9, by patronus_charm 

4th March 2013:
I had planned on being caught up by next Saturday, but itís not looking that likely now, oh well, maybe Iíll finally be caught up the Saturday after :D

I saw what you meant about the next chapter, being dramatic as well! It was strange how even though weíve never met Edgar Boneís parents, or his wives, I still felt saddened by his death. I think it was due to the great use of juxtaposition here, where the family thought they would have a happy christening, and it would be a time to celebrate, then the Death Eaters came and struck them. It just showed you how unpredictable was is, and you really canít anticipate anything.

I love the patronus scene! I thought it was a great way to link it into how they used patronuses in the order, as that was one of the coolest aspects of it, so seeing the meaning behind it made me really happy. I also liked Lilyís realisation, when she saw that Jamesís patronus, it just made me aw, as it was giving another hint that they were meant to be together.

And James and Siriusís bromance appearance! I think this is one of my favourite aspects of the whole Harry Potter series, as their friendship was strong, and people actually doubted, and thought that he betrayed his best friends. I really do feel for Sirius! Back to the story though! I really liked that they made up, as it only seemed natural, and I knew they couldnít row for long, I mean theyíre best friends!

I wasnít expecting another appearance from Bellatrix and co. as I had got used to having them at the beginning of the chapter, but I liked that you mixed it up, and I always really enjoy the death eater scenes. Your characterisation of Bellatrix was just amazing in this chapter. I always thought she must have a mental illness, as no one could be as weird as that, and not have one. I really loved the idea of the mirror, as it just seems like something she would do, and it seemed to carry so much power. I think it was the fact that she started attacking herself, showed how deranged she had become. It also emphasised the cult like culture the Death Eaters had, and makes them almost scarier!

This story just keeps on getting better and better, and I really canít wait to read the next chapter :D

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana ♥ I just finished doing a few work things and this was such an awesome surprise to end my night!

I'm so happy that even though we don't really know the Bones's yet, the deaths of Edgar's parents was still sad. I think more than anything it's a really powerful reminder of what kind of world they're living in and how, even if things don't seem bad just then, they really are.

I had so much fun with the Patronus scene! I'm gad it gave you some warm fuzzies. And yes, they're totally meant for each other. These two never had a chance, did they? :P

James and Sirius bromance is so much fun to write. I wish we'd have gotten more bits from JKR about their friendship... but alas... ;(

Bellatrix really isn't okay. You're absolutely right about that. Nothing is more important to her than serving Voldemort, not even her own life. Even years in Azkaban won't change that. I just got done playing with her in a newer chapter... she gets even creepier, haha :P

It means so much that you enjoy the story more and more! I think my writing definitely improved along the way, so I hope these later chapters show that!

Thank you again so much for your amazing reviews and enthusiasm. It makes me so happy that you're enjoying my characters ♥


 Report Review

Review #10, by ValWitch21 

7th February 2013:
Again, I bow to you. The whole description of speaking Patroni (I know some people say Patronuses, but, as mentioned, I did three years of latin -- it was bound to stick) was amazing, and so creative. I'd never really given it any thought, but you just open a whole new perspective.

Bellatrix again. You do realise that you manage to make us swoop directly into her head, and do so perfectly?

I'll stop rambling about your talent at writing such a difficult character, because it's not good for the size of your ego.

(Just kidding, I'll continue complimenting you so hopefully you'll go AU and I won't ever have to get over the fact you killed your characters).

&hearts

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked my little head canon for the speaking Patroni (well, now you've gotten it stuck in my head!!) and their origin. That was such scene to write!

Ahhh that's such an awesome compliment, thank you ♥ Bellatrix's head is a creepy place, so I want it to feel very... different.

You're right, you are doing terrible things to the size of my ego :P. Ugh you have no idea how much I wish I could go AU sometimes!!

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews ♥


 Report Review

Review #11, by Athene Goodstrength 

6th February 2013:
Surprise, miss lady! Iíve been slacking as a reviewer, and Iíve really missed just reading BTF ... so here I am. Iíve been writing these in Word and saving them over the past couple of days so that I could just go BOOM and surprise you. There will be more in the next few days, until I get caught up! YAY! (Iíve been enjoying reviewing it all so much, by the way.)

So, I did pick up on a couple of misspellings and oddly placed words, but I figure if you want to know about them, you can just ask me in a PM. No use in wasting valuable words here ;) My only concern is with the section where Dumbledore explains what happened to the Bones family - it seems a little forced, like heís actually explaining it to the reader... do you know what I mean? I can see that youíve led up to this shocking moment and you donít want to stretch the reveal out too much, but perhaps thereís a way you could spread the information out a little further?

ANYWAY... I love this chapter! Itís dark, tense and upsetting, but itís also so warm and tender. I think thatís probably because you show how friends (and lovers!) can come together under difficult circumstances. I also really love the teachers involvement in the events and mood of the chapter, because itís very easy for people to write Marauders as adults who happen to be at Hogwarts- whereas yours are very much still at school with all the freedom and responsibility that brings.

Creepy Fawkes is creepy! I love it. The idea that he seems more like a flame being a bird rather than the other way around, is one of your little genius moments. Beautiful. It also shows how Lily thinks differently about the world around her - all is not set in stone, and there are two sides to everything.

The juxtaposition of ďhis beady eyes could stare into hers with entirely too much awarenessĒ with ďLily found herself unable to meet Professor Dumbledoresís eyesĒ is very nice indeed. (although 'Dumbledores's' needs looking at!) I feel like Dumbledore is very much like Fawkes - a phenomenon, an incredible thing, but also liable to make you feel rather uncomfortable and also not quite all he seems. Your Dumbledore is great, by the way - you and Dan did brilliant work characterizing him! I love his fascination, and pride, at the boys discovering how to make a Patronus talk. And I want his desk, it sounds so beautiful...

You do a really nice job of building up the tension. I feel like Iím Lily, thinking ďwhatís happened? Whatís happened? Just tell us, Dumblepops!Ē. And then when he does say, itís like her mind stumbles and canít keep up with whatís just happened. I love that there was a world before the First War, when it was shocking and incomprehensible that people would actually murder innocent people because of who they were associated with (more innocent people), that they could be so influential and powerful as to evade the law.

The moment when James gets Lily to look at him, and time just stands still for a second, I feel like everyone in the room should be holding their breath at that moment as itís clear that oh my God, thereís something special here. Melty melty melty.

Youíre very clever at coming up with ways for magic to work, but you know that, right? I love this Patronus stuff. And I love your explanation in the AN, that ďThis was intentional. I think it's important to show that things, even magic, evolve. Ē. Oh, you.

♥ Frank and Alice ♥ - theyíre adorable. I really like the way theyíre what James and Lily could be, that theyíve found true love but are just a little further along the path than James and Lily. In the same way that their future sons have a sort of duality.

I just love the entire James, Sirius and Lily section. You handle the dynamic between the three of them so well. Jamesís line about the favourite son was perfect. Oh, Sirius. And I love the idea that Lilyís a mother before she ever has a child, ďAnd maybe weíll have to acknowledge that when Lily yells at us to grow up, itís for a good reason.Ē Lily seems to be more like Harry than James - this chapter had a few moments that highlighted that. Firstly I thought of it when she says ďďProfessor, if they were spotted, if they could be identified, why havenít they been arrested?Ē Lily hadnít meant for her voice to sound so edgy, but it made no sense to her.Ē Thatís such a Harryesque reflex! And then this bit made me laugh: ďShe had expected James to stay angry for much longer. But why? When had he ever remained angry for long? The very few times she had forced herself to apologize to James Potter, heíd accepted it easily and forgotten whatever incident sparked the apology.Ē - So Harry doesnít get his long-held anger gene from his father! I think he may well get that stubbornness from one Lily Evans. Oh JAMI. Why couldnít they have lived to bring him up?! :í(

Okay, quickly onto Bellatrix. THAT GIRL BE CRAYCRAY. But sheís so scary, too! I mean, sheís unhinged and obsessive and actually angry and upset that she didnít manage to kill any babies. I mean, WOMAN! What on earth did your parents do to you!? This scene was great - so atmospheric, such a shift in tone from the scene at Hogwarts, and another tantalising and horrifying glimpse at the other side of the coin.

BRAVO, lady. I loved this. (And yes, this review is comparatively short compared to my usual tomes - I'm working on not rambling, but I PROMISE I haven't used your magic formula.)

Author's Response: Okay. I'm going to try. I'm here and I realy am going to try to reply to this without turning into jelly.

Well, now you made me want to go back and play with the Dumbledore explanation to make it feel smoother. Playing with Dumbledore is scary! But I totally agree, I've always felt that way about the section, but was hoping it was only because I'd read it so many times. Maybe you've given me the motivation I need to rework it..

I was so sure someone would tell me that there was no way the Marauders came up with the Patronus talking. I have my argument all ready to defend them, but so far I haven't had to use it. hehe. It was so fun to imagine Dumbledore stuck in the serious situation, but at the same time, really wanting to play with this talking Patronus thing because... let's face it, the man is a sucker for neat magic.

I really want to show that, like you said, there was a world before all this. It wasn't like the Marauders went into Hogwarts knowing they'd be part of the order. Or that Voldemort just popped up one day all murder and crazy. I think things would have gone slow. Painfully slow. A disappearance here, one there. But not so much, so you could almost convince yourself that it would never happen to you. But now... when the death eaters and Voldemort are making themselves more public then ever, making a sickening sort of statement, it's so much more real but still almost unbelievable. Because (like you said) who would ever do that?!

THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT JAMES LILY MOMENT. Like right there... that very second.. they should all realize that they're witnessing something so pure and special, and I just wanted them to break into applause at the end. Stupid characters never doing what I want. Okay. I'm getting all James and Lily feelsy. I haven't been feeling like writing the last few days, but now I can't wait to work on the next chapter.

YOU HAVE SUPER MOTIVATION POWERS.

They should have lived to bring him up, Sarah :(. they should have :(. I never really think about purposefully making them seem like they could be the parents of Harry Potter, but then when you point things out I'm going, 'oh you're so right. Harry totally must get his stubbornness from Lily.' And I don't think either her or James are very good at just sitting and watching, so he must get his 'must act now' attitude from both of them. But but. Oh gosh. harry should have had brothers :(. And sister. Lily should have been as stressed out mother with one baby crying, a toddler climbing the counter, and having to be at James's parents for Sunday brunch with Olivia and William and PeterSiriusRemusBelle (tear).

See. Now i just want to cry. Haha.

Bellatrix is too much fun to write. She's just so... in the words of Ron, 'She really needs to get her priorities straight.' (A reviewer said that about her before, and it totally stuck. haha). She's a very, very unhealthy woman.

Sarah. this review is as far from short as possible. LONG. very LONG. hahaha. Don't worry, even if you want to use a tiny bit of my magic formula, I'll forgive you ;).

♥ LOVE YOU SO MUCH.





 Report Review

Review #12, by AlexFan 

15th January 2013:
Ah, I think I know what James used to create his Patronus. I'm guessing it was that look that he gave Lily that really did the trick.

Author's Response: You are very, very close. It was a specific memory, but you'll find out exactly which one later on ;).

Thank you again for stopping by to review! I'm so excited to see what you think of the chapter coming up with Mad Eye in it!


 Report Review

Review #13, by Pixileanin 

9th January 2013:
Now that the war has touched them all personally, I can only imagine how seriously they will all take their lessons from now on. The Prefects have a daunting job of keeping the peace and I'm sure it won't go very smoothly at all. I love how you were able to add a bit of magical intrigue into this section with the development of the patronus communication. It would be just their style to get their patronuses to talk to one another. That was pretty cool, and it also helped to lighten up the mood a bit. It also gave Lily more insight into James' feelings, which should move things along nicely.

I felt so relieved when James openly forgave Sirius and Lily for keeping their secret from him. At least they all have one less thing to feel bad over.

Bellatrix's section was dark, yet again. How could it be anything other than dark? She's so single-mindedly insane with need. It's rather disgusting, the way you portray her, but in a good way, if that's possible. I can only imagine how her husband takes that kind of devotion. I guess it's something he would be afraid to discuss with someone like her.

Now I wonder what could be next...

Author's Response: Hi!

I was a bit worried about my choice with the Patronuses... mainly because there was never anything in canon to make us think the Marauders and Frank were the creators. But... there was never anything that said they weren't, either :P. So I'm really happy that you think it fit well.

I have so much fun with these Bellatrix's sections. Creepy, right? I'm actually working on another one right ow. *cackles madly*

Thanks for another wonderful review, m'dear ♥


 Report Review

Review #14, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

3rd January 2013:
Can you forgive me for how inexcusably long it took me to get to this review? I'd promise to make it super long to make up for the wait, but since I always exceed my word limit with this story anyway, that wouldn't really be anything special. So I'll just say that I swear I won't take nearly so long with the next one!

Starting right at the beginning, I love, love, love the way you described Fawkes -- like he's less a bird that can burst into flame and more a flame that can become a bird. Just gorgeous... and kind of creepy in it's own right. Either way, it was an eye-catcher and a great way to start the chapter.

Writing Dumbledore is the worst! IMHO, he is easily the hardest canon character to write well, and the easiest to get so, so wrong. I thought you did a good job with him here. You captured the slightly more formal way he talks, and his tendency to keep his emotions close to his chest, even when discussing very heavy topics. At first, I was wondering to myself if I "bought" him being so open with a group of students, letting them in on so much information. But thinking on it, I do think there is some good canon support for it. Since they don't live very many years after graduating Hogwarts, and we know they spent time as part of the Order, James and Lily would have almost had to have at least started "working" with Dumbledore while still at school. So though I don't think he'd be this frank (lol, no pun intended) with most students, I can see how it works here.

I also thought the bits about the talking patronus origin was such a nice touch. You do that really well -- pulling in bits and pieces from the book and making them your own. I think your explanation was very clever, and what a great "trick" for the good guys to have in their back pocket. I can see that being helpful to them all down the road, especially since the Death Eaters won't have that same ability to communicate. It gets me thinking on the one Kingsley sends in DH. Does he learn how to do it during the first war, or is it something he picks up later on? Hmm...

You mentioned in your AoC about the Death Eater tactics. I thought you did make it clear that this was an escalation -- out of the norm for even them. And I like that fact a lot. It continues to ratchet up the stakes, slowly building up to how bad we know it will eventually become for all of them. And of course, I can't talk about the DE bits without talking about the ending to this chapter...

You know, it's scary, how well you write Bella. The parts about her are scene-stealers every time. From the very first line of that section, I knew we'd gone back to her. The shift in style is spot on. It completely changes the entire mood of the chapter, especially on the heels of the more tender moment of reconciliation. Once again, Bella swoops in and steals the show for me. I love it!

Onto the more technical bits, I have to say I'm totally seeing the improvement in your writing with each chapter. I know I mentioned it in my review for Hazardous, and I don't know if this chapter was written around the same time as that one, but you really are growing as a writer with each new thing you post. And I didn't notice a single slip in POV in this whole chapter :P

The only technical note I have is regarding a few instances where the matter of who was speaking just the tiniest bit unclear. Here are two examples:

-- "There has been an attack." Lily heard the breath catch in Alice's throat. She squeezed her friend's hand tighter, eager for Dumbledore to continue.

"A Christening was held for the twin daughters of Edgar Bones, who wed a delightful muggle woman." Their professor paused as Lily felt the words sink in...

-- "Ms. Christopherson, Mr. Longbottom is safe, breathe," McGonagall ordered. Lily looked over and noticed that Alice really didn't seem to be inhaling nearly enough. Her friend nodded her head and took in a large gulp of oxygen.

"And Mr. Potter, don't use curse words in this school." The very small patch of red strengthened in James's cheeks...

For the first, I knew "There has been..." was Dumbledore, but I didn't know right away "A Christening..." because of the separation of the two "paragraphs," which implies a change in speaker. Same is true for the second. Breaking them up makes it seem like it ought to be someone else speaking. Unlike when you break up a long speech by adding no closing quotation marks, when you're just making little narrative interjections here and there, I might consider grouping them all together for clarity. Also, and I *think* I might have mentioned this before, but if you're going to identify the speaker, it's best to do it as early in the "speech" as possible so the reader can picture the character saying the words, as opposed to attributing them back to a character at the end, like:

-- "It wasn't just someone acting up? It was actual Death Eaters? Has anyone... do we know if anyone was hurt?" Lily asked, unable to keep the questions in her mind for another second.

Another wonderful chapter, my dear. And just as a quick aside, can I say how much I loved the line, "Everything I do is for a good reason." Hahaha! I kind of want a t-shirt with that printed on it. I'm so sorry again for how long it took me to post this. I promise to be a whole lot more timely with my reviews in 2013!

*wow, I finally did it. I made it all fit into one review!!*

Author's Response: Okay so when I see the new review tab thing I cross my fingers that it's one of the requested reviewers, which is either you, roots or amanda. Minus Amanda now that her thread is gone. ANYWAY I was SO excited when I saw it was you!!!

And don't be sorry! I'm just so happy that you're still reviewing and not deleting your thread! I was getting scared that you'd just gotten to busy and might've had to.

I absolutely HATE writing Dumbledore. I always go over and read as much of his dialogue I can find in the books to try and get me in the mood. I'm glad that, after thinking on it a bit, his openness felt more fitting. I know a bit more obviously, but Dumbledore is already very certain he's going to ask this group of people to become part of the Order. You'll see that pretty soon... anyway part of me thinks he was almost testing them here. Treating them very much like adults and seeing how they act to it... sort of taking a terrible situation and using it to a bit of his advantage... which doesn't seem too unlike the man himself :P

The talking Patronus is something that definitely trickles its way into the Order... I just love the idea of them leaving that as an unknown sort of legacy. Bah. Now I'm getting sad remembering why they need a legacy and gah. I was worried about it not making sense, so I'm really happy you like it ♥

Hehehe Bella is probably my favorite to write sometimes. I can't or haven't been able to write a story just about her... but when she crops up in this I just love it. I'm so excited that the shift was so noticeable... I definitely want it to be like a bucket of cold water when you're dropped into her world.

I'll absolutely go through and tweak those dialogue sections to make them more clear, I think I'm improving on working with using tags only when necessary and better placed... but I'd rather you be the judge of that.

Hahah I'm happy you like that line! I think the fact about writing Marauders that I love so much is I do get a lot of places to add in a bit of one liners... they're such a fun group that sometimes I have to remind myself to ease up on the serious.

Thank you so much Becky for reviewing, you have no idea how much I look forward to these! And I believe I should be reading a new OTE chapter very soon... hmmm?? ;)



 Report Review

Review #15, by Remus 

21st December 2012:
Hey!!

So I decided to do this review on Apocalypse Day. Why? I don't really know but I figured I should give people I like one last review just in case. Zombie hordes, Godzilla, aliens...you never know! XD

Oh man, you just went straight to the problem. I liked it though. I like how you're slowly making the attacks from Death Eaters more public. Just like in the books. For some reason, Death Eaters here sound very dangerous when compared to the books, if that makes any sort of sense to you.

Speaking of Death Eaters, according to Pottermore, after Voldemort's fall, all the Death Eaters thought Harry was the next Dark Wizard so they were even hoping Harry would come back so they could finish what they started with Voldemort. Thought you should know just in case you're not in Pottermore! XD

So James, Frank and the guys started the communication with the Patronus? That's awesome! I love McGonagall's reaction to Frank's talking Patronus.

I like James' way of producing the Patronus. However, isn't it suppose to be happy memories? Unless he's the happiest when he's around Lily or the daydreams he has of her that make him happy. Or his love for her that makes him happy? Hahaha, just wondering really.

Did the fireplace just tell Dumbledore that people arrived to the castle? It reminds me of a sort of doorbell for the castle. Anyway, I like how Lily starts to realize that the battle is slowly coming to Hogwarts. She realizes that for the mean time all the attacks has been on faceless victims...but now its hitting close to home. And this, I suppose, is just the beginning. I'm sure the attacks will become more frequent.

"'This means that... we finally know who the favorite son is.' James let out an exaggerated sigh as he stood up that was almost instantly followed Sirius's bark of laughter."---I just LOVED this line right here. Something James would definitely say to Sirius, really. And Sirius' response after was spot on as well. You're really good at keeping all the Marauders and their identities separate. It's hard because at some point, with me at least, all of them have the same voice and trying to not be mean to Peter is also hard! So Kudos to you for keeping separate identities for the Marauders for 9 chapters and on!

I absolutely LOVE Bella's madness. She's my favorite villain in the books and you managed to grasp her madness just fine. She's seriously creepy here...yelling at herself, clawing at the mirror...*shudders* Nicely done there.

Overall this was a fantastic chapter! The end with Bella was amazing! I love her madness! Haha.

Alrighty! I guess this review is long enough! Haha, sorry! I'll try to not take forever to review the next chapter. :D And now I make my way to Dan's newest story for his Apocalypse review.

Until next time, Jami!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi darling ♥ first of all, so I don't forget, you will find out eventually just what James was thinking during that little moment ;). But it was a certain happy memory, just one we don't now yet ;).

I never liked that the DE didn't really seem.. frighting in the books. I mean, they just seemed like stupid people following orders most the time. Except Bellatrix. She's always scary.. so it's kind of a goal of mine to really show how dangerous and deadly they are even without Voldemort pulling the strings.

I'm so happy you feel like the Marauders get their own identities. Remus and Peter are really easy for me to keep separate, but I do worry about Sirius and James being too much alike sometimes. But at the same time they kind of really remind me of Fred and George, so I figure it's okay if they are similar most the time as long as they still have enough differences and yeah. And yeah. Now I'm all rambly.

Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews you leave me ♥ I'm so spoiled with having you as a reader and you have no idea how happy they make me ♥


 Report Review

Review #16, by Roots in Water 

18th December 2012:
Hey! I'm (finally) here to return the favour for your fabulous review! Let's see what's happened in the world of the Marauders... The chapter summary sounded very ominous.

Wow. I love how you're balancing several different issues in this story: their personal problems, their friendship and the developping war- and intertwining them so smoothly amongst each other. The light-hearted moments transition well into the darker moments... providing a necessary balance in the story.

The darker moments of this chapter were very well done. The event in and of itself was very serious and reflected the times very well. And then the way you made it relevant to the story... I must admit, I didn't read the revelation scene with bated breath (oops)- I read it trying to figure out how the children and the living Bones' family fit into my knowledge of the Bones family during Harry's era. My conclusion? That neither of the twin girls is Susan Bones.

However, I was paying enough attention to the flow of the scene to know that you did a great job with your description of it. Everything was crystal clear and Lily's reactions to the news were definitely in character. It was interesting to see her realize that this was the first time the war had really touched them from behind the walls of Hogwarts... And it'll be even more interesting to see how the rest of the school reacts to the news. I imagine the sides will become even clearer after the revealing.

I really liked how the creation/revealing of the Patronus messages came about. The Marauders were so clever that it's perfectly believable that they would come up with an idea like this and make it work. The small changes you made to the spell to make it less "evolved" and certainly less efficient were a very nice touch. I definitely agree with you that magic would evolve over the years (no matter how small/limited that change might be).

Then, I really liked the quick and somewhat easy forgiveness between Sirius and James. It makes sense that if given a little time to cool down and put the situation in perspective, James would lose his anger towards Sirius. And at least now everyone knows who the favourite son is. (Great line, by the way!)

The following scene with Bellatrix was very good. I think that you did a great job of showing how she's already teetering on the edge of mental insanity and how she's already obsessed with the Dark Lord.

I have just one critique about the section: to begin, I noticed a typo. With the phrase "her stockings occasional" it should be "occasionally". However, I do think that that sentence sounds a little odd coming from Bellatrix. It doesn't sound like the sort of observation that she would make/I can't really picture Bellatrix wearing stockings. It sounds a little too feminine and sweet for her.

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter and I look forward to reading more! Thanks for the great review and great work! :D

Author's Response: Hi darling! Sorry this has taken so long to respond to. I'm out of town visiting family and yeah, things are a bit on the crazy side.

I'm so happy that you think the dark and light parts are balancing out well. It's really important to be me to show that, no matter how young they are, things aren't the way they should be. Things aren't easy and carefree like they should be for these seventeen year old students, but that doesn't mean that they are always just upset/scared.

I had so much fun with the Patronus scene! I'm sure someone will come along and tell me that it doesn't make sense and blah blah, but I don't even care because I loved so much the idea that the marauders left such a huge thing. They used their sneaky powers for good :P.

The Bones family!

Edger, Amelia and Esther are the three siblings. Esther is the mother of Susan (in my head, her mother isn't ever actually named :P) and she's a few years older than the group. Amelia, Susan's aunt, is currently a 6th year, and Edger is the oldest. He's married to a muggle woman and has the twin girls, and according to Lexicon they don't have a very happy future :(.

Ahh crazy Bellatrix is so much fun to write. She just is so dominant that she just kind of writes herself and ugh. Love it. Hahah.

Thank you so much again for the amazing review. ♥


 Report Review

Review #17, by LovlyRita 

10th December 2012:
I'm B.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.ck!! With style, as well :)

Some things I wanted to address in your last review response before I get to this review. 1) I have such a dirty mouth. When I podcast on the livestream, it's horrific because I always slip up and say bad things. Then my staff members warn me on the site. Who warns an admin? jerks :P 2) Anytime you wanna sit down and have a mother in law vent, you just let me know, I gots stories ahaha!

Ok, onto the review.

Oh thank Goodness Frank is ok! I was like no he can't be missing! Ok well, I mean I held out hope; after all there is a Neville in canon but still I was like No! And it's so sad that this massacre occurred, you can really see the way this war is starting, how it unfolds and how Lily originally thought it was a distant war. Which makes sense, even though her own family is muggles, but when you're young and in school you always have this thought of invincibility. This is the first time they are realizing that they are not invincible, that this war is going to be fought on their front lawn, amongst their friends and classmates, and I think you've done a great job depicting that.

I also really enjoyed the bit with James' patronous and the fact that you had the marauders create that, along with Frank. I really enjoy that, and I also appreciate that you did the research into it. I tried to do that once with wolfsbane in my very first story in 2005. I couldn't find who created it ,so I had Severus create it (it was compelling I promise) but then I found out later who made it and I was mad. dang it. But I do appreciate a well researched story. I thought the way he did it was awesome, that's one of the pieces of magic that I like the best , the fact that a patronous can speak for the caster. Very cool.

And finally the end with Bellatrix, which i must admit was one of my favorite parts of this chapter. exploring her psyche is something that I had not done previous to a one shot that I wrote, and it was a playground that I adored dabbling in. I think you do a brilliant job with her too. She is so upset with her failure that she literally is going insane from it. You can see this in the canon series too, but it's very intense here. I love the scene with her nails on the mirror, I think that was very well done and very chilling. You don't know exactly what she is going to do, and that worries me but it also excites me a little. *checks another tick in the box for reasons why she makes a good head of Slytherin house*

Overall I think this was done so well again. I could gush and gush over how much I love this story, but I think the best thing about it is that I just don't want to stop reading it. Please believe me when I tell you that as a validator I've been a bad girl in the sense that I stopped reading stories. I validated but I hadn't read and reviewed anything in probably a year. The last story I really got into was published in June 2011. That's a year and a half ago! But I am having such a magnificent time reading this, becoming attached to the characters, and dare I say it, rooting for James and Lily. Even though I don't want to. But damnit I have to because you've made them so easy to root for, it's wrong to read this story and say "nope, these two don't belong together" because quite clearly they do, and in the most natural and logical way possible. This story has made me say...ok, fine, maybe they loved each other, maybe Harry was the best thing that ever happened to them...maybe they WERE meant to be together. As much as all the one shots on my page tell you that Lily cheated on James numerous times with Severus...I think this story shatters all of Severus/Lily dreams, and I think I'm ok with that. But ONLY for this story, mind you. JUST THIS ONE. Every other one can go jump off a cliff. *holds this one tight*


Loved it as per usual :)

Author's Response: Okay. You. Ashley. Now that I've clarified that your name, does in fact end with LEY (thank you twitter). Not only do your reviews turn me into this pile of love mush, but they are so AMUSING. I want to review your review. Hahahah.

I think what I'm trying to be most careful with this, when it comes to Snape/Lily fans that I want as readers, is to NOT turn Snape into this awful guy and not make it seem like Lily was the angel who could do no wrong. Because neither of those are true at all! Yes, Lily and James will always be it for me, but that doesn't mean I don't think Snape loved Lily any less. I just think the way he was raised, the things he saw, his need to possess, brought his love into a territory that would have killed both of them if their friendship hadn't ended. But yeah, I don't really know where I was going with this except I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HOLDING THIS TIGHT AND NOT LETTING IT THROW ITSELF OFF A CLIFF ♥

After I get my new computer (my Christmas present to myself, or late since it will be in January) I want to explore podcast more! Right now my little macbook is so outdated that anything too much hurts its little brain. But! Yeah. I think hearing everyone's voices sounds fun... creepy of me, but still fun :P. And AditDraco wanted to podcast one of my stories, Fairy Dust, so I'm excited to see how it all happens. And... Again I'm back to blabbering. I just don't want to end this response because you attacked me with FEELS and I WANT TO KEEP FEELING THEM.

I love that you picked up on the feeling that they realized they really weren't invincible. I think James and Sirius understand much more than Lily, both of them being a lot more aware of Dark Wizards and all. But Lily just doesn't get it that it's here. The war isn't just news anymore, it's happening.

Bellatrix is one of my all time favorite things to write. She's just so... she's just Bellatrix. She's a battered wife in so many ways, but takes it to a million steps forward. And isn't necessarily the wife of the batterer. Obviously. Though I'm sure she wishes she was. Nutter.

Can I just hug you and squeeze you forever for giving Before They Fall so much attention? And looking past all the nonsense you've had to validate to give them a try, because Lily, James, Belle, Alice, Frank, Peter, Sirius, Remus and myself all love you for it ;) ♥


 Report Review

Review #18, by MissMdsty 

12th November 2012:
I was right! I had a hunch that it would be somebody from that family. I can't possibily tell you why.

Another chapter in which you take magic and make it your own! Your description of the talking Patronus charm was very good and solid. It was a nice touch, making them the inventors. That's one explanation to how they ended up in the Order.

I would say something about the Bellatrix part but it made my blood go cold so I can't even bring myself to think about it. In the immortal words of Ron Weasley "She needs to sort out her priorities".

Author's Response: Hahahah that part about Ron's words, oh my gosh I almost died laughing. Very, very true. She's an incredibly unhealthy individual, to say the least ;).

Thank you so much for stopping by ♥


 Report Review

Review #19, by shadowycorner 

3rd November 2012:
This has to be my favorite chapter yet. The story-telling and characters really shone in this one.

What a great way to describe Fawkes! I love how to every little thing you take a slightly different approach or perspective than what is the usual way. The same thing goes about the Patronus thing. It's so creative, and also plausible. I can totally imagine and believe James and the rest came up with it and then the Order started using it as means of communication. And HE WAS THINKING OF LILY WHEN HE CAST IT BECAUSE HE LOVES HER AND SHE BRINGS HIM HAPPINESS THAT WAS SO EFFING LOVELY!

Ahem. Sorry for getting carried away, but I love getting carried away with my favorite stories. When I woke up this morning, I was really looking forward to getting all the morning stuff done and then to finally keep reading this story. :) I used to read James and Lily ALL THE TIME, but then I kind of got over it, because it was getting the same. And this story is so fresh and great, yaayay.

I think you and your beta did a great job with Dumbledore. His whole attitude and language was like it was pulled out of JKR's book. And McGonagall too. This is what I meant when I said every character shone. She hardly said three sentences, but in every word she was absolutely Minerva. Same goes for Augusta. She's a woman with a presence, even if she's just mentioned in conversation. And you managed to do that.

I enjoyed reading the chapter through Lily's eyes. I adore Lily. I want to be her best friend, lol. And I'm bouncing here, reading how she's warming up to James more and more. I also loved how James realized this was not the time for fighting and being angry but a time to stick together no matter what, and he made things okay with Sirius.

This was truly an amazing chapter. Great great job. The little scenes outside of Hogwarts of the Death Eaters, mainly Bellatrix, truly do manage to give me chills.

Liz

Author's Response: Hahahah I started doing Fawkes and saying nice things, but then I was like, 'no.' Fawkes is an awesome bird, but he's creepy. Lily and I agreed on that, so we went from there ;)

I am so happy you think the Patronuses make sense! When we think about it, a lot of the things the Marauders created, was done to benefit their friendship/sneaking options. Turning into Anamagi, creating the map, so it made sense to me that they'd want to create a better communication option. AND YES! He was thinking of Lily ♥. These two just warm fuzzy my heard.

I am so happy this feels fresh. I know how many J and L's are out there, so it means a lot to me that this one doesn't feel over done ♥

Thank you so much for all your awesome review ♥


 Report Review

Review #20, by EverDiggory 

9th October 2012:
Jami! I love this story! I love giving you reviews, no thank you's necessary, unless they're directed at you! But I would love to continue being an awesome reviewer, I love your work. I'm obsessed.

The imagery has me reeling! How gorgeous! I am so glad I, and I'm sure others did missy, rode you on that one! I won't take credit for it but I do feel a bit of pride reading such gorgeous imagery that was forced out of you XD and now its to the point were as I'm reading it I can't help but wonder if it comes effortlessly.

Okay. Um. Yeah. I kinda tied Lily up and hid her where no one could ever find her so I could have James? Okay? Cool. He's mine. Now that thats out of the way. Awh! How cute! I cannot believe Lily didn't realize this? I guess she didn't want to flatter herself! I would faint if I was in her shoes its just so darn cute! Thank you, I personally have you to thank for ensuring I could never be with a guy who isn't as adorable as you write James. Thank you so much for ruining my chances of getting married. Finding a guy as perfect and cute and adorable and lovable, and I'm swooning, as James will be impossible!

Yay, the flow has been restored back to perfection! Not that it had veered off very far, of course.

I have to wonder why you ask about characterization XD I always love how you so wonderfully flesh out your characters. Sirius.. Can I marry both Sirius and James? Where did my manners go? May I please marry Sirius and James?

Um. Four words. Frank and Alice forever!

The patronus scene was so touching and beautiful and you make me gush! You know I adore you and your stories! Do not EVER stop writing!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: What the heck! I totally replied to this. I clearly forgot the submit button. BUT YOU ARE AWESOME ♥

I'm so happy you're still enjoying this, and NO you can not marry both!! Pick one! I get the other ;).

And you did so much in terms of helping me get to the point where I can add in imagery almost effortlessly, except for those times that my brain sucks. I can't believe how much difference the nagging..er. helping... of an awesome reviewer can make ;). But really, thank you ♥

You are the best, m'dear!


 Report Review

Review #21, by manno_malfoy 

9th October 2012:
You make it hard for me to pick a favourite chapter, but I honestly think it's this one!

The first thing that caught my eyes regarding this chapter was the imagery! Even though you lunged right forward into the scene, picking up where we stopped the previous chapter, you paced us into the chapter with descriptions of things in Dumbledore's office. The way you described Fawkes was absolutely marvellous and I don't even know how you came up with it; I just know that it made me smile! I honestly could feel the gravity of the situation. I was just in there and I can imagine the quiet office, Alice not breathing and overwhelmed with worry, Lily whose mind is racing with all sorts of questions; it all felt very real. You just worked with the details and with the characters in the room very well, and I didn't feel that the presence of any of them wavered at any part of the chapter; it was like being in the office with them and seeing the effect of everything that's being said on each of them.

Then, the talking Patronus! My god, Jami! This is exactly what I love about this story: you're going into the details of things such as these and you come up with something that's absolutely brilliant and quite believable, then, you describe it wonderfully so we could picture it too! Just like the Animagi transformation in one of the previous chapter! Dumbledor's and McGonagall's reaction to the Patronus added to my overall fascination with the Patronus and made everything seem realistic.

Then came the part where James cast his Patronus. Now, you'd mentioned something about this in your request and I couldn't wait to see what you were talking about. But when I read that bit, I was smiling over the way you described Lily's reaction to his mumbling her name and how heavy her voice felt that I didn't realise what happened. So I read it again and I get it and I'm smiling again because the way you make Lily interpret the whole situation is just wonderful! He was thinking about her, but she doesn't know that! Ah, will she ever know?

Also, Alice and Frank are just so lovely! Their reunion was just so heart-warming and I was happy that Alice could finally breathe again!

I really enjoyed the make-up scene among Lily, Sirius, and James. James hadn't really gotten over it but he's willing to if they stop hiding things like that from him and then he makes a joke about it, the hurt in his voice no longer there, and you can tell that he's a bit better now. I loved the joke too, you know!

Like I always, and shall always, tell you, you write dark scenes wonderfully! And your Bellatrix is just so insane, but you seem to get her. But seriously, the way you described how she was feeling and her surroundings... Everything was so eerie and it really fit Bellatrix. Then she starts clawing at the mirror and you think it can't get any scarier, but she starts thinking about how much of a horrible person she is because she let a couple of newborns and a new mother live. Seriously! It doesn't get any more twisted than that! But I love Bellatrix and your Bellatrix makes me like her even more. Does that make me a psychopath too?

The most important thing I've found out this chapter though is that YOU, Jami, can actually write short(er) chapters and that they turn out just as beautiful as the long ones! I don't know why I'm suspecting that this was supposed to be attached to the previous chapter but you decided to put it on its own because a 12,000+ words chapter might as well have been frightening...

Now, you should go and let me know what I should look at in Chapter 10 because I want to read it soon! And I don't want to be behind anymore. I can't wait to see what'll happen next!

-Manno

Author's Response: What am I supposed to do with you??? How do I respond to this??

Phew. Okay. Let's try.

FAWKES IS CREEPY. He is such a creepy looking thing in the movies. And I started having Lily think about his beautiful colors, and then she decided he was creepy too. I felt kind of bad, because everyone loves Fawkes, but that doesn't make him any less weird looking, haha.

I am so happy that you felt like the details strengthened the office. I was worried about hitting that just right point with that first section.

Ekk! Talking Patronus!! I just wanted them to be so cool! And there aren't a TON of things that JKR leaves for us to create when it comes to her already invented magic. She's pretty thorough about how things are done. But this was one of those incredible things that she never really explained, so I figured I would use that to my advantage. And how cool is it to think that something J, S, R, P, and F came up with to be sneaky, is something still used by the Order members? That's the part I loved most. I was so worried that people would jump down my throat for what I did with it, so knowing that you like it means so much to me ♥

I don't know if she'll ever know that James was thinking of her when he cast his Patronus *ninja eyes* but I just wanted to hug him after that. And,okay.. so it's always played up how Lily and Sev's Patronuses are the same. Which is cool because clearly Severus did care bunches about her. But it's hardly ever mentioned how cool it is that even Lily and James's Patronuses belong together! I mean, they're casting the animals that reflect a lot about them, and even those are designed for one another! It's just really cool. Haha

Haha yes we are both psychopaths!! We must be to love her sections so much, right?? Dan was the one who suggested I add a DE section at the end of this chapter, and I'm so happy I did because I think that made all the difference.

I am just as shocked as you m'dear that I can write short chapters. And you are 1,000 perfect accurate when you say that this was first designed to be an entire chapter. Oops... haha

You are such an awesome reviewer, I just want to hug you ♥ requesting reviews is always kind of scary, mainly because the thought of making someone read a story they don't enjoy makes me sick, so knowing that you truly like this means more to me than I could tell you. You are so wonderful ♥


 Report Review

Review #22, by academica 

9th October 2012:
Hi Jami! Here with your requested review :)

What a great (and tragic) way to tie into canon! Your spelling of the names bothered me a little as I read that first section (Edger=Edgar and Ester=Esther), but I liked the way you built up to it with Lily fixating on the desk and on Fawkes. I'm also glad that Frank and Augusta were okay and that James and Sirius were able to make up again. I have to admit that I found that section a little slow flow- and pace-wise; once you got the news out and we knew that everyone was all right, the conversation seemed to drag things a little for me. I would maybe go in there and consider taking out some of the dialogue, detail, or repetition you have.

I thought you did a good job with Dumbledore and McGonagall, especially in that McGonagall couldn't help chastising her misbehaving students. I also like that they seemed to have a 'natural' (i.e., surprised) reaction to the talking Patronuses. Speaking of the Patronuses, I liked that, too. I'm thinking that James probably had Lily in mind (maybe when we was cradling her in the beginning) when he cast his stag Patronus :) Anyway, it was neat to see it through Lily's eyes, because I could tell that she was really blown away by his gentleness and his strong magical abilities. No wonder they were recruited for the Order!

Gosh, Bellatrix is scary even in moments of weakness! I loved your characterization of her--I felt like it was the shining point of this chapter. I liked how she turned her anger in on herself, because that seems like something that fits in with her character, and how she seemed to treasure her Mark so much. It reminded me of a little girl clutching her teddy bear, in the creepiest way possible. It'll be interesting to see what comes next.

Nice work! As always, I hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you for pointing out the name spelling. Even in my notes I constantly misspell Edgar's, I have no idea why, haha. And I thought the same thing!!! About the flow.√ā¬†It felt slow to be, but I wasn't sure if that was because I read this chapter a million times or not. Hmm.. I'll have to see if I can rearrange the set up of that first scene to get everything to seem a bit more fast paced while still getting the information in..

I'm happy you liked the Patronuses. And yes, James was thinking about Lily *lovey eyes*. The first version of this chapter I actually had written from James's perspective, but that made is much harder to show the surprise of the talking Patronuses. So I'm happy that you liked seeing it through Lily.

I never thought I'd have a thing for Bellatrix, but I do. She's such an awesome character to write. Dan is to thank for her entire section. This chapter felt very weak until he suggested to add something from the failed DE PoV, and I'm so glad I did. I agree that it's the better part of the two sections.

Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews ♥


 Report Review

Review #23, by presi 

9th October 2012:
This might sound crazy, but I love the way you write Bella, she has always fascinated me as a charrector and I find people never try to do her justice and show that she like all of us has a heart and feels despointed and let down. I really loved that part.
As well I really liked how u incorporated Sirius with his bike and the response James had was good. Can't wait for the next chapter! Looking forward to the next update.

MEL

Author's Response: Haha to be totally honest I love writing Bella! She's one of those bad characters that is just addicting to write.

I am so happy you liked this chapter! Chapter Ten, Constant Vigilance, is up! It will probably be about a week before eleven is up :).

Thank you so much for the awesome review ♥

Jami


 Report Review

Review #24, by caoty 

4th October 2012:
Hello there. I'm back for another round of heart palpitations. I must be insane. :P

So... James. Your mix of humour and drama for him is perfect, and he seems entirely natural in moments where so many fic authors are inclined to make him OOC. The reconciliation between him and Sirius is hilarious and heartwarming and delightfully awkward.

Also, damn you, you've made me feel sorry for Bella. She tortured Frank and Alice into insanity, for God's sake!

>ďYou failed Him! You failed Him!Ē She screamed it at her reflection. Her voice ripped from her throat until the rawness began to overtake her.

You really are going for the emotionally-abused-spouse angle, aren't you? Wow. You've written her fantastically regardless.

Author's Response: Eek yay!!

Hahah I don't try and give you heart palpitations! Not often, at least ;).

That's exactly what Bellatrix is to me. There's difference, of course. An abused spouse would never be told that they'll be with an abuser and say, 'oh yeah, that sounds great, sign me up for that.' Where as Bellatrix went into this with a very eager attitude. She's thrilled to get to serve Voldemort, and extremely sadistic in the sense that she'd withstand anything to continue earning his approval. But she's also so dependent on that approval, not getting it would literally drive her mad. And she hasn't been as hardened bu years of Azkaban here, so she does have a touch more vulnerability.

I just really love her as a character, as you can probably tell. And despite any times I make you feel bad for her, I guarantee that by the time this group graduates, you'll despite her to no ends.

Thanks so much for stopping by ♥


 Report Review

Review #25, by I_Am_Luisa 

3rd October 2012:
can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! The next chapter should be out by Friday at the latest!!!

Jami


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review
<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>