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57 Reviews Found

Review #1, by krazyboutharryginny 

20th April 2017:
Jailbreak

Ah, this was honestly so much fun! Setting your first chapter at a party (well, not a party, but at a bar where everyone's celebrating) was a very smart move. It gives you space to sort of naturally reveal quite a fair amount of backstory and information about your characters while also keeping the story upbeat and moving.

I really like your OC, Edie. She's relatable, what with being in her 20s and working a dead-end job while also interning, but I also feel like I definitely wouldn't confuse her with any of the other OCs from other stories I've read for CTF who're in their 20s working dead-end jobs. (Which is not to say that your character or story is unoriginal, but rather that it is!) I also feel like I'd like to know more about her.

Dean and Seamus were also great here. I particularly enjoyed Dean's commentary as he and Edie watched Seamus hitting on that girl. It was totally believable that this was a group of longtime close friends. And we saw less of Lisa but she was likeable too. It sucks that she and Edie seem to be growing apart. I've been there, as I'm sure a lot of us have, and it's honestly the worst.

This was a thoroughly entertaining first chapter, great work!

-Kayla

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Review #2, by melian 

20th April 2017:
Well, that was a fun read!

Nice use of backstory. I know enough about all our main characters, without ridiculously long and boring paragraphs explaining it all, or making me feel like you've regurgitated your entire notebook. It's surprisingly difficult to achieve that (I know I rarely manage) so kudos for that.

I'm finding myself liking Edie. She's a solid and believable character - 26 years old, entry level job, boozy nights out, love of sports, losing her best friend to a relationship, the works, which all make her very relateable. After all, magical world aside, most people would be able to relate to at least one of those points. Me, more than one. But I'm not saying which ones!! Lol.

I loved the charmed mirror too. I have thought more than once about following sports from afar when you don't have televisions and wondered how the magical folk did it, as surely just hearing about it after the fact wouldn't be enough for most people. Especially when they learn Muggles have had television for decades. Not much point in priding yourself on magical abilities if you can't manage this one thing, is there? And yes, they have the wireless, which I assume broadcasts sporting events when they're on, but visuals are everything. So, charmed mirror? Nice. And even nicer to have Seamus and Dean make friends with her so they can use it!

While I'm on those two, I really liked your characterisation of them. You've obviously put a lot of thought into how their adult selves would behave and it shows. Each with enough of the kids we knew in the canon, extrapolated enough to give them believable characteristics eight years later.

Oh, and back to the mirror. The dodgy reception??? That was GOLD.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one. Great job!

cheers Mel

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Review #3, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage 

8th April 2017:
Hiya! Here for CTF #5!

I must say that I am very intrigued about Edie, because aside from the little snippets you mentioned about her, such as her working as a sort of trainee like person at Charms but doesn't get to do what she wants to do, we don't really know much about her. It kind of distracted me a bit though, because I felt like I knew a bit too less about her at times. That being said, i felt more attuned to both Dean and Seamus, because we know so much more about them and I love the fact that he's all decked up in green, also because he's Irish (are the Kestrels Irish? I can't remember), and how Dean and Edie are so surprised he manages to score anyway. I also adore the fact that you brought in numerous chars which are known but not that much at all, like Lisa and Justin. I also didn't know Seamus was a person who flirted so mcuh, so it's a nice addendum to his character as it is. It gives them all more depth and you also showed how it all worked between them and how some things only came to happen after the war ended. Which is also logical in a way, but in terms of relationships it's especially a nice touch because war brings up so many feelings you didn't know you had. So all in all very nice chapter! Well done!

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Review #4, by Dirigible_Plums 

8th April 2017:
Hello!

I'm here to see whether you've managed to sneak a flag into your midst for CTF event. I should be working at the moment but life's too short and I'm taking a break I'll probably end up regretting.

I absolutely loved this chapter. Lennox seems like a right riot albeit one who seems to believe she's still in her early twenties. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with spending all night getting drunk (or as many night as possible anyway) but it doesn't seem very healthy to keep up, does it? Her liver must be crying for help :P

But no, I adored Lennox. Her internal commentary had me bursting out laughing more than once. Her dislike for Justin (the reference to that argument cracked me up!) and the fact that she actually said "Their loins first started burning at Hogwarts" was just gold. It reminds me of a crack!fic I once wrote. Loins bursting into flames, indeed.

I really liked the sense of camaraderie in this chapter. I'm not a huge sports fan but I've always admired the sense of fraternity between fans, especially when their team has won, so reading about the Kestrel fans (what would one call them? Is there a name for these lot?) bellowing the team's song and generally going wild was a lovely conclusion to the chapter.

Plums xo
♡♡♡

Author's Response: Hi there!

I love seeing people start my older fics for the first time. And you're right, Edie is definitely stuck in the limbo between early twenties behavior and the time when she should settle down and get a job--but WiTh ThE eCoNoMy in 2006, that reality has changed! At least in my experience. So our favorite characters are navigating through this new idea of adulthood ,and when it's appropriate to grow up, and also the difficulties of attaining that "perfect life" and how it affects their decision-making. Granted, Edie is not one for good decision-making ;)

LOINS! lol I'm intrigued about this crackfic now... and also nervous... unless this is a cooking fic.

You and me both, sister. I know absolutely nothing about sports and generally couldn't care less about them. So writing a character who actually gives two cents about people hurling their bodies at one another for an industry that spends and receives WAY TOO MUCH MONEy was a challenge. But it's a Quidditch fic, so I had to try, I reckon. (I'm with you though. I don't get it.) Ahh, I really like the idea of having a nickname for Kestrels fans! I'll have to play around with that. Thank you for the suggestion :)

And thanks for reading! ♥


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Review #5, by Edie A. 

15th August 2016:
Oh my goodness, I swear within the last few days I have seen the name Edie pop up in fan fictions more than I have in the last 17 years in my life and I cannot be happier!

Author's Response: Haha! I bet Gina/justonemorefic sent you over this way after you read Game? She told me that she'd had two Edies reading that fic in the same week. You must be telepathically connected.



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Review #6, by Penelope Inkwell 

22nd July 2015:
Oooh. I like this! First off, I'm really feeling the post-grad, pre-proper-adult despair. I may not be 26 yet, but I can relate. Second, you do a good job with description--I feel like I can really picture the pub and the people in it. Edie and her friends are amusing and realistic. But I certainly don't envy them their headache in the morning.

A very good first chapter.

--Penny

Author's Response: OOOoooOoOoh! A new reader! Welcome! ♥

I'm so glad to hear that you can relate to Edie. That's why I started writing this fic in the first place, honestly. I was struggling with post-grad lack of purpose and straddling the line between real world adult and college student. It was something I hadn't seen explored on HPFF (not to say that it hasn't been; I honestly just didn't stumble across it) and I wanted to give readers a sense that it's okay to be floundering. It's unfortunate but it happens. And ideally it ends at some point?? Haven't landed the Dream Job yet myself, but maybe I'm still stuck in Edie's shoes?

Anyway, thank you very much for the review! I hope you enjoy the story :)


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Review #7, by alicia and anne 

13th March 2015:
I have had my eye on this story for quite some time! So I am so happy that you asked for this one to be reviewed :D

YES! It's got Dean and Seamus in it! It's going to be pure awesome! I can already tell. Especially because they're picking holes in Seamus' flirting techniques. :P

Edie is pure brilliance! I absolutely love her! The love is so strong she is so amazing!

This first chapter is absolutely brilliant! It's so hilarious and I am already hooked on it! I am going to be favouriting this right now so that I can read and review the rest of it. I can't wait to see how her morning is going to go. I honestly can't stop giggling.

Seamus, Dean and Edie are pure amazing and I can't wait to see more of them together, their chemistry together is superb and they just seem to bounce off of each other. I am so very excited about this story!

Absolutely fabulous chapter, hun! You are so talented :D Keep up the amazing work!

Author's Response: Woohoo! I've suckered another reader in.

Dean and Seamus forever and ever and ever, seriously, I love them both so much. JKR created so many lovely minor characters that it's very easy to let them take their own course, and have their own voices, and be generally great. Those boys. And I suck so much and didn't really keep up with Seamus's flirting tendencies as I could have... I mostly stuck with the loudmouthed party-going fellow. One of the major edits I'll be doing soon is to keep his flirty tendencies in the forefront. But not with Edie. Just no.

Aww, I'm glad you like Edie! Seriously, it's like one of the most flattering things to hear that people enjoy an original character. They can be very tricky and I have written many a terrible Mary Sue in my day. Trust.

Thank you so much for offering some reviews! I'm actually almost done with this fic, with just 3 or so chapters left, so it's nice to get new readers every now and again.

♥!


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Review #8, by 800 words of heaven 

11th February 2015:
REVIEW SWAP.

I've been meaning to start reading this story for the longest time. It's been floating around the forums and tumblr, and I'm always like "I shall read that!... Tomorrow." But finally, tomorrow has arrived and I am here.

This is a great start. I'm not really a bar person and this has just underscored for me why. This is a good thing, because I was very vividly imagining the setting and the crowd and the noise... I am Lisa. An old maid.

I quite enjoy Edie's voice. She's a twenty-something with her life not like what people say it should be by then, but she's unconcerned. I really like that. I can somewhat relate to her situation and I take heart in her attitude.

What I'm most looking forward to in the next few chapters is getting to know Dean and Seamus better. They seem quite fun now and I'm sort of excited to read about their adventures through adulthood.

Excellent start. I shall be back for more... soon :)

Author's Response: Hey! Well I'm glad that "tomorrow has arrived," as you've said. Also pretty pumped that my incessant spamming of this fic on Tumblr is paying off ;)

Hahaha, that's funny--I can indeed see how a crowded room full of drunk Quidditch hooligans does not sound appealing.

As for Edie's unconcern with not really having a direction in life, it comes and goes. Some days she's fine with it, and some days she feels completely worthless.

Dean and Seamus! They are so present in the beginning of this story and then they just drop off the face of the planet, mostly because Edie is so terrible with keeping up with friends. But I indeed miss them.

Thanks for the review ♥


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Review #9, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

7th February 2015:
Pot of coffee, pain-relieving potion, kip at five o’clock, pubs at eight, rinse and repeat.”

^ Been there, done that. I mean...errr..

Witch Weekly has quite possibly the worst internship program of any Magical publication. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

Been there too. I don't understand this internship nonsense where I have to do such menial tasks I feel like I have no dignity. I'm not a maid! Why do I have to wipe down mirrors and clean refrigerators with cheap towels and even cheaper cleaning products. Getting coffee is fine except when the person yells at you because you got them the wrong thing BECAUSE THEY TOLD YOU THE WRONG ORDER.

Just so you can one day hopefully get a job. Not in my industry. Forever intern here.

I feel your pain girl.

If this entire story was them slurring around the room I would read on like a champ. I can't believe this is your first comedy it's really funny and we're only one chapter in. I like the characters, especially your OC, because she's relatable if you couldn't tell from my ranting above. I think we've all been there, jobless, significant other less, no life plan or at least it's not going anywhere-ish.

Author's Response: Hi there! It's always nice to hear from a new reader ♥ (Funny story about your username, I thought he was saying "Dirty knees and the thunder chief" for a long time. Which is apparently a common misconception?)

Ha, this first chapter is largely autobiographical in that sense of the pot of coffee, pain-reliever, etc. It's easy to do. Especially when you hang out only with your coworkers and you're all at work together the next day doing the same "healing rituals."

I'm glad you can relate to this story (but maybe not in the first-hand experience way that you seem to be...) I wrote this as a bit of therapy when I was a lowly intern, although I'm sorry to say I still haven't ~skyrocketed into my future~ in the two years following. Maybe I'll be nice and do things differently for Edie. Maybe.

It's funny how many people have commented that they would read an entire story about drunk people. Haha! They do indeed continue to imbibe from time to time, but I feel like the story gets more and more serious the further it goes on? I just caught myself writing the last chapter and was like "Jeez, slow down, when did this become an angst fic?" So enjoy it while you can!

Kidding.

Sort of.

Thanks for stopping by!


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Review #10, by stop_the_attack 

21st August 2014:
hey! i just started this and it's perfect... so perfect. i'm hooked, never stop writing! :D

Author's Response: Weee! Seriously, getting new readers this late in the game is the best. Thank you thank you thank you ♥

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Review #11, by castaspell 

23rd July 2014:
Two words: In. Love.

Author's Response: Thank you! I haven't had a review on chapter one in ages. So nice to have a new reader. Welcome!

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Review #12, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne 

21st October 2013:
Oh, I loved the ending!

Edie is so perfect! She's one of my Preferred People on this site :). I love how she's so intense cheering for the Kestrels, including the drinking post-quidditch. Wonderful first section! I loved the boys, they're so different yet both wonderful in their own right. They seem to be so nutty when they go out like this! I bet they love the fun until the next morning!

Like I mentioned, the ending is perfect- I see Edie regretting this night big time! I've gotten to the most recent section you posted, so re-viewing this section is fun! Edie is more irresponsible before she gets her job, I think shes more content in the recent posts, though. She's so incredibly fun to view!

Wonderful section of your story!
Hope it continues soon.
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like Edie! Your opinion may change the longer you read the story, but for now I will accept that compliment ;) You're right, though, that she's at least somewhat attempting to be a little more professional in later chapters.

Thanks so much for taking the time to review!


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Review #13, by TheGirlOnFire 

17th July 2013:
Great start. That pick up line had me laughing so hard. I can't wait to see what happened next, it seems like this cold be a very good story.

TheGirlOnFire :)

Author's Response: Heehee. The pickup line... oh man. Never tried it, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work. Thanks for the review, and welcome to the story!

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Review #14, by onestop_hpfan18 

14th July 2013:
I like this, and I like the fact that you chose minor characters from the series and original characters as Edie's friends. It's light and humorous and just refreshing to read instead of next generation. I also like that you gave them all different jobs that are lesser known for the most part. It's great to read about a character that is pursuing a career that isn't a healer/auror/ministry job.

Though I did find it humorous that you have Seamus as being 5'8" in this and in real life Devon Murray (who is the actor who plays Seamus in the movies) can't be no taller than 5'3" because I met him just a couple weeks ago at LeakyCon in Portland, Oregon and he was almost a full head's shorter than I am (and I'm 5'5"). He's also very nice and down-to-earth.

Anyway, great chapter. I've already favorited this and will be returning to read & review more. (:

Author's Response: Aahhh a new reader! Hello! *Throws confetti always kept at hand for such occasions*

I've mentioned this before, but when I came back to HPFF after my hiatus, when the books had ended, I felt that the majority of stories were Next-Gen (this may not be true, but it sure felt that way!) And I missed the characters I grew up with, especially the minor ones. Hence this story!

I also felt very unconvinced by stories where all the characters had their dream jobs. Yes, this is set in 2006 so things were a bit better, but it is SO HARD to find careers now--even a part-time job is hard--and I wanted to write about that struggle.

That's funny that Devon is so short. I picture Seamus looking different in this story, but I kind of like the idea of him being even shorter than 5'8"... I have a habit of making all my male characters exceedingly tall... But I like the idea of an even shorter Seamus!

Thanks so much, and welcome! ♥


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Review #15, by peppersweet 

22nd April 2013:
I've been meaning to read this story for so long! I keep seeing it pop up on recently added and I've always gone 'oh, yeah, I should check that out someday' but I never got around to it...until today. I'm excited to start this knowing that you also wrote The Wild, which is one of the fics on this site I've liked forever.

I enjoyed this opening chapter and I really like the characters you've introduced so far - Edie's a lovely narrator and Seamus and Dean sound like a hoot! I feel like a lot of people, myself included, attempt this sort of post-school story about young friends boozing, flatsharing and occasionally working, and it so often falls flat - here it didn't; it's written really well and the characters already seem so natural and real.

The only thing I'd say is that this chapter, at times, felt like a bit of an information dump - it was a lot of Edie's internal narration about her friends, introducing them one by one, which comparatively little action. But I think you're a bit too far into the story now to work on that, haha!

Really great opener and I'm looking forward to reading the rest! :D ♥

Author's Response: AAHHH. I am so excited you read this! Fa real, I like your stories quite a lot.

And ohhh yes, the information dump :c Trust me, you're not the first person to mention it. I think it was the result of getting inspired for this story, not being sure how to start it off for WEEKS, and then churning out the first chapter in one go. I got so excited to post it that I didn't even have the second chapter written, where I could totally have spread out some of this information, haha. When the story is complete, that's one of my top priorities for editing... I'll be able to disperse it into the story a bit more easily.

Thanks so much for your review! I'm so flattered that you think it's believable (and, oh, that you like The Wild, which will always be my baby.)

♥!


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Review #16, by slytherinchica08 

2nd April 2013:
Omg this was awesome! I love that you have chosen some not quite as popular characters from the hp world to use in this. Especially the hufflepuffs! But i love seamus and dean and edie. They have a really cute friendship and seem to compliment each other. I think this first chapter does an amazing job to set up both your characters and your story. I loved seeing the different friendships and that mention that hufflepuffs throw awesome parties but others werent invited which is why they think hufflepuff is boring. I think this is refreshing and fun and so far a great read. I really look forward to reading more of this story and seeing what you have in store. Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks for the review!

It's true: 'Puffs are sadly overlooked in fanfiction, and oftentimes pegged as vapid or obtuse. But I think they need some more love! I wanted to take the aforementioned ideas of Hufflepuff and kind of turn it around, and give them this secret glamorous-party lifestyle that others just didn't know about because they weren't allowed :P

♥!


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Review #17, by pinaygrl3123 

1st April 2013:
LOVE IT. I like that these are characters we know of but never got to really know and then a brilliant new OC. And we get to meet them plastered out of their right minds - AWESOME. Although, I'm fairly certain Lisa was a Ravenclaw? I could have sworn that.. but no matters. Great first chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, Lisa Turpin is a minor Ravenclaw character! A lot of the characters in here are canon, like Justin, Theo and Rose (the last two you will meet in the next chapter.) I feel like they all deserved to have their stories told, too! :3

Thanks!


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Review #18, by ValWitch21 

21st March 2013:
I should not be here, be aware of this fact: my physics homework is in my lap, waiting to be done, buuut I saw your cry of help on the forums and decided to come save you (though now I'm annoyed because me leaving this review reduces the chances of me snagging number two hundred but anyway).

I'm ashamed to say this, but I'd forgotten how much I liked your description. It just seems so alive!

I don't reckon the Poisoned Apple has changed much since its opening, which a tarnished plaque claims to have been in 1484. The tavern still has its original frosted glass windows, stone floors and rusty chandeliers. The raw wood of the counters is stained with so much drink it almost looks intentional. Many hanging portraits have accumulated over the centuries: monks, who when tipsy stumble into the frames of can-can dancers, and photographs of rock bands that popped in over the years. A separate room contains a wall of magical dartboards and a pool table, all falling apart. Tonight though, it's hard to see any of this with the crowd packed in.

This is so vivid, I can actually see the scene in my head, drunk!Edie included.

Seamus flirts with anything with a pulse I wish we got a chance to see more of that in future chapters, it seems to be a trait that isn't dwelled on too much which is sad because I think it could be quite funny. Also, Mrs Finnnegan, does she ever come into the picture?

Haha, your comment about the Leprechauns made me laugh :)

OK I JUST IDENTIFIED TO EDIE. THIS IS THE HIGLIGHT OF MY DAY. I'm on about her having 'some pipes in her', because that's something I've been told more than once, so right now I feel oddly cheerful and just did a weird jig.

Like how she was at Hogwarts, when two beers would send us over the edge giggling. We did that all the time in school. What? Hufflepuffs like me had the reputation of being about as exciting as a houseplant, but we threw some phenomenal parties. You probably just weren’t invited.

This is such a wonderful way to phrase and destroy all the stereotypes about Hufflepuffs! I've actually become quite fond of them with Summer and The Calendar Girls, so I like that you're giving them a new approach. I'd forgotten about this side of Lisa, but it would definitely explain the ice-cream eating phase later on.

I will not quote the discussion between Edie and Justin because it is not permitted, but believe me if I could there would be an entire line of exclamation marks following it because it killed me off.

Okay. I won't bother going on a linear analysis about the end of this chapter because I really want to go ahead to chapter two now. However, I want you to know that this allowed me to enjoy your talent as a writer fully again, and that going back to this first chapter makes me want to prod you with a stick until you update again because this combined with your latest chapter leaves me on the edge of my seat wanting to find out what other misfortunes you're going to plonk onto poor Edie's head.

YOU ARE AMAZING OKAY? &hearts

Author's Response: What! I just assumed you had already reviewed this chapter. Oh Val, thank you so much. You're so sweet to help me reach 200! ♥ I am totally leaving you THE BIGGEST review on Calendar Girls tonight!

Hmmm, that's a good point about Seamus not flirting... I mentioned it once in, like, chapter two with him trying to get with Rose. But you're right! I know of a few places where I can plant little mentionings of Seamus eyeing some gal. Thanks for pointing that out!

I AM SO EXCITED YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITH HER ESPECIALLY ABOUT BEING LOUD because I am actually kind a pathetically soft-spoken person, haha. VAL = EDIE YES

hehehe. I love Justin, I really do! I don't know what I'm doing wrong (or I guess what Edie's doing wrong?) to portay him as this horrible person, but he's really not meant to be! I think she only dislikes him a tiny little bit because he's 'stealing her best friend,' and because they are too similar in some ways. But Justin really does love Lisa, no matter how blunt he is with Edie! I ship Justin/Lisa so hard in this story! xD

Thank you so, so, so much, Val. You're incredibly kind! I am editing the next chapter as we speak and will probably put it in the queue tonight. ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #19, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 

10th March 2013:
Hello there dear!!

First off, let me just say CONGRATULATIONS on winning the Writer's Duel! Well done!! And now, on to your review! :P

I really thought this was an awesome first chapter! You had my attention from the very beginning and maintained it throughout! I thought you PERFECTLY described a celebratory night at the bar with friends, and your description really allowed me to feel involved with the story... it's almost like I was there watching everything instead of reading... if that makes any sense!

I really, REALLY love Edie's characterization. She's the complete opposite of a Mary-Sue, which makes her very likable! And you weren't forceful or anything with trying to convey her personality, you did it by simply showing her reactions to the situations she was in, which was awesome.

Even though this is the first chapter, I feel like I already have all the background information I need. Without being boring or droning on and on, you've managed to catch me up on everything that's been happening, and THAT takes talent! I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors, and the flow is great!

Well done, dear! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I was so excited about winning the duel xD

I'm glad that this didn't seem like too much of an information overload. I've been trying to work on that ever since a few (very helpful!) reviewers pointed it out. And of course I'm so glad that you like Edie. She likes you too. ♥

Once again, thank you so much!


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Review #20, by soapman333 

24th February 2013:
I have read your story, btw, I just got so into it that I forgot to leave reviews, so, here I am :D! I'll write what I remember thinking whilst reading it (warning: I'm slightly ADD):

Seamus is here?! Hi Seamus! Are you still an arsonist? Atta boy, listen to your mother, girls are fun when they don't hate you! Oh, you're short. I'm sorry, it's better than being as tall as Hagrid.

Dean is here too?? Yo Dean, how are you? Still upset about the whole "Ginny dating the 'chosen one' fiasco?"

Why is it that every Justin that I meet/read is a jerk? I'm thinking it has to do with the alliteration it creates: Justin the Jerk. Poor Lisa :/

Oh man, Dean has connections to Witch Weekly? What a stud!

Yup, that internship thing sounds extremely accurate. We have our interns run around and get us coffee all the time, and then we compliment them on how ambitious they are (we're horrible people). Don't worry Edie, you'll rise up in the politics, eventually. Give it a good two or so years.

Here here Seamus *raises my coffee mug at his toast*

Anyways, so I hope you enjoyed reading my pathetic thoughts. Basically, I like your characters and I'm excited to see where it all goes.

Jack

Author's Response: Oh, thanks for coming back to review a second go-around. I really appreciate it.

Yes, Seamus is here. Gah. Love my minor characters; and I think Dean is slowly creeping up as my favorite person in the story.

I've not noticed that Justin is consistently a jerk... maybe it's because JKR said he was supposed to go to Eton before Hogwarts, which is a pretty posh school, so people have just taken it and run with it? Also, this story is told through Edie's POV, and she's quite bitter with him simply for "taking her best friend away." xD He's a good person, really. He cares about Lisa a lot.

Yeah, the internship was inspired by the way that it is in real life. There are a lot of hard-working, talented young individuals who happened to enter into the job force at a bad time, and who are suffering for it. And that causes a lot of anxiety, and people like those at Witch Weekly (like Mr. Ward, who probably just "knew the right guy" and was hired) don't do much to help matters.

I did enjoy your not-pathetic thoughts. Thank you for the review!


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Review #21, by megthechef43 

21st February 2013:
my_voice_rising,

So... I'm finally here with your review. I'm going to hide shameful behind my keyboard at the length of time it has taken me to get here but I'm so glad I finally did. This was an amazing first chapter and it was bloody british. Haha, at least to my American eyes. But, really you have a unique writing style and I kept seeing Emma Stone being Edie.

The ending was great "Oh yes. Tomorrow morning is going to suck." Lol... Been there.

Nothing really stuck out in the way of needing to be fixed. i'll say again that I really liked this chapter and enjoyed reading it. The characterisation was spot on and I felt like I knew each one of your characters.

Great job!!

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: Why hello there! No problem at all; many of my reviews arrive fashionably late as well :3

I'm pleased to see it was "bloody British," as I'm about as American as they come--full-on Appalachian Mountains style.

Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #22, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

11th February 2013:
Hey, SamMalfoy93 here. Thank you for requesting I review this, because I loved every minute of it! :D

Edie is hilarious and fun and real, sharing her thoughts about her friend being "stolen" by a guy and the feelings of jealously because she doesn't have that. It adds so much to her character, I'm starting to get a picture if her in my mind already.

I love Dean and Seamus. She has such awesomely, corruptive friends with her. I cannot wait to see more of their friendship.

Definitely saving this story. I can't wait to read more!

Sam.

Author's Response: Wooo! Thanks so very much! I was excited to see your offer for reviews ;D I'm glad you liked all of my silly little characters... I'm quite fond of them too!

Gah, and thanks so very much for adding this to your favorites. ♥


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Review #23, by CloakAuror9 

24th January 2013:
Hey! I figured I'd review this story this time because chapter two of Lungs isn't here yet. Plus, I love the title. ♥

Okay, so I haven't read a lot of stories about Dean, Seamus that is set Post-Hogwarts. I usually kind of avoid them since I always end up reading angst-filled and traumatic stories about the war. Don't get me wrong, I love those kind of stories, but sometimes I let myself get so lost in them that I just feel so sad and depressed afterwards.

Upon seeing the banner, the title and reading the summary (did I see an Oliver, there?!) though, I figured your story was different. The atmosphere you set the first chapter in was welcoming and it's kind of weird because since when did a pub full of witches and wizards drinking and chanting songs become welcoming.

I am absolutely loving Edie's character. I liked how the readers more about her through her actions than her words for most parts of the chapter. Its so easy to tell how strong her friendship bonds with Dean and Seamus are. I almost feel like the three of them are family! :D

A really wonderful job for this chapter. I cannot wait for Edie and Oliver to meet because I am just so excited like that. I've already come up with a possible ship name: Ediver. It's read as Eh-dee-ver. Omg. I'm so lame, I should stop now.

I'll be back for more!

~Izzy

37th review out of 100

Author's Response: Bahahaha. That is really funny about witches/wizards singing and chanting not being welcoming. Macbeth anyone? ;D

I'm glad you liked this chapter! I sent a revised version into the queue the other day, so that you get to actually *meet* Justin and Lisa as well. I know I've mentioned this in past responses, but I wanted to focus on the positive changes that could happen post-war, rather than focusing on angst. (Even though, like you said, those are fun to read!)

Uhhh can I just say that I've been secretly hoping somebody would like Edie enough to come up with a 'ship name? Ediver is so cute! Although in my head it's Eee-da-ver.

I'm so glad to hear that you'll be back for more! Thank you for the review. I greatly appreciate it. :D


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Review #24, by magnolia_magic 

23rd January 2013:
Hi! I'm really glad we got the whole swap thing worked out, because I loved reading this chapter! I've been hearing about this story on the forums, and I can see why so many people love it :)

I really like the present tense narration. I rarely use it but I really admire authors who do, because it puts the readers right there in the action. I think when it's done well (as yours definitely is), it can really add a lot to a story. I felt like I was right there in the bar with them, experiencing all the sights and sounds you describe so well.

That's another thing: I like how you sprinkle in little details throughout the chapter about what's going on in the background, what things look like or sound like, or what people around Edie are doing. It creates a complete picture and puts everything in context for me while I'm reading. Instead of just giving Edie's thoughts and leaving it at that, you've created a vibrant backdrop for the chapter, and that's a suprisingly rare find. Great job there!

I also love the ideas you're bringing up about young people facing the real world, and not knowing what in the world they're going to do. I totally get Edie's tinge of bitterness when she's thinking about Lisa; there's nothing worse than looking at someone who has it all together when you're still flailing around, wondering what your life is supposed to be about. I've been there (in fact, I'm there right now), so I can tell this story is going to resonate with me.

Here's my favorite part: "We throw back the glasses. It tastes like it always does: a mixture of shame for being twenty-six, a hybrid of unpaid intern and barkeep, with no love-life to speak of, and getting sloshed at a pub virtually every night--and also the certainty of knowing that I have the best mates in the world." You end the chapter on a note of hope, despite everything. And then your very last line brings reality back, but it's okay because you've given this wonderful statement that everything will be okay somehow. I just love that :)

Okay, so I'll stop gushing now! I loved this first chapter, and I really look forward to reading on! Thanks again for the swap, and keep up the awesome work on this story!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for the review, and I'm sorry about the confusion over the swap. Glad we finally worked it out, because I absolutely love your story!

I actually just went back and edited this chapter last night, and am much happier with it. A lot of readers pointed out that I dump a lot of information about Lisa/Justin but they're not even in the scene, so I went back and added them in. I also added more physical descriptions of the pub itself!

I'm so glad to hear this resonates with you. Not because of your life situation--which is pretty much my life situation too. By writing this story, I wanted to reach readers who are in the same boat, and give them hope and tell them that they're not alone. The economy is shot right now, but maybe there's hope for us aspiring young people! :D

I'm glad you liked that line. It was the way I felt this past summer, when I would work at a restaurant in the day, take a nap, meet my friends for dinner and then go to the bars, and wake up super early for work again. It was irresponsible, I suppose, but we all bonded over it and I wouldn't take it back ever! :3 I wanted Edie, Dean and Seamus to feel the same sense of companionship; of being able to relate in their uncertainty about life but their determination to enjoy the moment.

Man! This is a really sentimental response! Haha. I think it's time to end this, so I'll just say again thank you so much for the review swap. I will definitely be checking out your story again.


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Review #25, by The Misfit 

20th January 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap, and I have to say, I really like your characterization of Edie! She's incredibly relatable as a twenty-something (and while I'm not one for a few more months, I have friends her age) and her personality is perfect for someone just trying to go through life figuring out what the purpose of life actually is. She's just awesome, seriously!

I love how you've introduced Dean and Seamus and other minor characters such as Justin (and is Lisa an OC? Her name sounds vaguely familiar), and given them personalities that are true to their canon characters that we've seen in the books, instead of turning them completely AU (this is actually the first post-Hogwarts fic I've read where Seamus isn't miserable) and provided some depth to them. Instantly, in a first chapter, you've given us Seamus' views on feminism, his home life, and his dislike at being called a leprechaun - or even for the word to be mentioned within his earshot! :P This is really good for me, as my eyes tend to gloss over when a reader gives a lot of backstory, but it didn't in this chapter because you've done this really well - you're constantly linking back present events with Edie's internal monologue, so it feels as if I'm reading a story, not one of those "background history" things they have in the OC Workshop thread! XD

Personally, I'd think that you don't need to talk about Lisa and Justin in so much depth, considering that we don't actually see them in this chapter. I also caught, in your third paragraph, that you used the word "blocks" - we don't actually use that word in the UK (or in Ireland) - in fact, I've never quite figured out what "blocks" actually refer to: one street or multiple streets or something else that hasn't come to mind. Nevertheless, I'd suggest replacing it with "streets", if you want to avoid Americanisms. :)

I'm probably nitpicking here, but where exactly is this bar located? Edie works there, and Witch Weekly is in London, so it would indicate that the bar in London. But, the Kestrels are Irish, and there are a lot of Irish fans, from what I can tell, which would indicate that they're in Ireland. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing, but I'm curious. :3

All in all, this is a fantastic first chapter and I can't wait to catch up with the rest of this story! XD

Author's Response: Hello!!! I appreciate the review, and I will be returning the favor tomorrow when I am not brain-dead from work. :3

I actually hadn't run into the idea of Seamus being miserable post-Hogwarts until recently, and it just struck me as being horribly sad (in the way that it's supposed to, for readers) because I have just never seen him that way. And yeah, Lisa Turpin is a minor canon character who was in Ravenclaw :3

Ahhh, the Lisa/Justin intro. I have been avoiding this in my edits for far too long xD You are definitely not the first person to point out that it's totally out of place, and I think I intend to lengthen the chapter a bit and have some more real-time action so that Lisa and Justin are actually there, so that the intro makes more sense. But I have definitely been avoiding it, I'm ashamed to say...

And streets! Yes! I need to change that too. Blocks are just what four straight streets make when they intersect and form a square. Like a grid :D But it's definitely an Americanism, you're right. And a much easier edit to make than the whole Lisa/Justin debacle.

Thanks so very much for the review! I appreciate it greatly. :3


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