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29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
Oh lord. I just cried a lot. just call me Kim Kardashian because my tears were hideous. Lord, J, man. I wasn't expecting that. From the opening of the chapter I knew Sirius had done something and he had gotten into a car accident but I didn't connect the two together. Probably more my fault since I didn't re-read the beginning.

James's reaction was intense. I was surprised he reacted that way because if Lily can't blame Sirius then why should he? I know it was probably more of the heat of the moment and he is incredibly attached to her but that's his brother. Of course James doesn't strike me as the type if Sirius or any of the other's were to do something wrong he would go to the authorities or someone. Especially if they killed someone or did something just as bad.

I just feel pure doom is coming next. I reckon it'll be Voldemort's attack they were discussing in the previous chapter. I forgot to mention in my last review but you write the darkness so well. I was creeped out by Bellatrix and man I am currently OBSESSED with Lucius. You have no idea. After what, two years, two and a half years? I don't know how long it has been but he was my inspiration to write something new again. I think we share the same brain because all I could sense from him in the last chapter was his cowardice. i truly believe even though he was for blood purity and backed the Dark Lord and I'm sure at first it was exciting for him, he was a coward through and through. I think it partly has to do with love because out of all the Death Eater's it was only Lucius, Severus and Narcissa that were capable of love.

Oh and Augusta! I loved the mention of her. Truly made me laugh. I miss writing her. Oh and Alice! For a moment I drifted off and heard her in my head and a slither of a story emerged but the chapter sunk me back in and I can't remember what it was about.

Ugh, addicting! How am I going to get anything done today?

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Review #2, by Pretense Of Perfection 

1st June 2014:
Wow, the secret is finally out! I've been dying to know since it was first hinted at...wow. Just wow.

The emotions you evoke and portray are stunning. It's a true testament to Lily's character that even from the beginning, she didn't blame Sirius. I know personally I probably would have, at least at first, until I calmed down and saw through the haze of confusion and grief.

I honestly understand why James reacted so strongly, and I'd be disappointed if he didn't. It's just true to his character in my opinion. He has a hot tempter, and loves Lily very much. Watching her suffer was probably one of the worst things he ever experienced.

So clearly, I thought this chapter was excellent. Poor Sirius never can seem to catch a break.

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Review #3, by MissesWeasley123 

13th August 2013:
Oh no Jami! No, no, no! Wow.

So it wasn't Death Eaters.

Sirius? No...

I don't even know what to say about this chapter. Okay. I'm ready.

First off, the full moon. Brilliantly written. I think it was exactly the way it should've been written, and was very descriptive. I love that Sirius tried outrunning James, but wasn't able to.

Belle's character! At first, I must admit... I thought she was quite annoying >.< I love Fleur, but... I just hate reading french accents, and can't read it for any character beside Fleur. Belle though, is an exception. I love sarcastic characters, I think it is best type of comedy and humour. I think the fact that she's french and she's supposed to be "elegant" really makes the entire situation funnier. It's hilarious how Sirius reacts to her. They are so alike.

Sirius. Oh god. Uh I'm just so... I don't even know. I know it's kind of his fault... but then I know he never meant to do it. And I think Lily forgiving him was a good thing. I for some reason, would not be able to imagine that she would forgive him, but you weave it in so beautifully and give reason as to why she forgave him, that it works for me and her decision is justified.

I'm glad that Remus was the one to take control. James lashing at Sirius was very in character, and I can only imagine how broken Black must be.

I loved the bit with Snape. I liked this line most though: " 'I am sorry,' he muttered. And through the stiffness of it, Lily could pick up traces of sincerity." I think that was beautiful.

I fear for Alice, James and Lily... That last cliffhanger... D:

Another 10/10,
Nadia

Author's Response: Hi again you sweet girl!!! I'm really excited that you liked the full moon scene. I think that scene is one of my favorite I've written. And I'm definitely my worse toughest critic, so having a scene I actually like is a big deal for me :P!

Awww I'm SO excited you're warming up to Belle! Her full story comes out in the chapter titled Revelations, and I'll be super excited to see what you think of her after that! I LOVE Fleur so much, that having Belle was sort of my sneaky little way to get parts of Fleur into it. Hahha. My first idea was to have Belle the daughter of Fleur's aunt. But I thought that was just too matchy matchy, so I scarped that but kept the French part :P

I had a tough time deciding what i wanted to do with Lily and Sirius in this chapter. When it came down to it, I thought about how much of Lily's life Petunia had probably spent blaming her for everything. So when something like this happened, I thought it would be more natural for her to just blame herself more than anyone else. I don't think it was necessarily the most healthy thing for either of him, and having Lily NOT blame him probably kept Sirius feeling even more guilty... sorry, I went off on a tangent there :P! But yeah, I really struggled with what to do with them. I'm really excited her not blaming them ended up feeling realistic in this ♥

Thank you SO MUCH for another amazing review, Nadia! I'm sorry my response has ended up so ramble... haha. But your reviews are too much fun to respond to, I have to ramble! I'm so thrilled you're enjoying this ♥




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Review #4, by nott theodore 

29th July 2013:
Jami! I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to come back to this story - and you've even finished it now! (Congratulations by the way, even though I'm still only on chapter eight...) But what a chapter to come back to!

The opening dream was so well written. As I was reading it, I could feel the rage and anger almost radiating from the screen. It was just so Sirius. The sentence length and the style of that section fitted perfectly with what I imagine Sirius' memory of that night to be, and it filled me with so much curiosity for the rest of this chapter. I really wanted to know what had happened on that night!

The scene in the Shrieking Shack was really intense! I was so worried for Remus when I knew that he was hurt but I'm glad that his friends were there and they knew what to do. I liked the fact that Sirius knew how to make a spell work despite the presence of dark magic, because it definitely feels like something that he would have learned living with his family.

The girls all seem so natural together as friends - I feel like I could be friends with them as well. They're so real as characters, the sort that I wouldn't be surprised to see in real life. Their interactions and conversations seem utterly believable, and it's great to see that. I liked the fact that Alice forgot to be embarrassed about what she'd said because she was laughing too much with the others - it's something I could imagine happening with my own friends, so seeing something like that in a story makes it seem realistic.

I loved seeing Severus make an appearance in this chapter! The way that you've portrayed their relationship makes sense to me; the 'mudblood' comment can't have been the only thing that caused such a close friendship to come to an end, so I can imagine them having different personalities and them drifting apart before that. I liked the way that Lily clearly thought of him as a brother beforehand and that she never felt anything more, and the way that she slipped back into calling him 'Sev' again showed how close they used to be. I thought that the fact Snape went out of his way to give Lily the photograph of her family was very sweet, and he clearly still cares about her deeply. I'm not a massive fan of his but I liked the way that you portrayed him here.

The quidditch tryouts were fun to read about - it was quite a light section in an otherwise dark chapter. I could see James' leadership qualities here, and it's easy to see that he'll be a leader in the fighting in this war (which I don't want to think about - I'm pretending that it's not going to happen at this point), and also where Harry gets his talent for leadership from. I was really pleased that Polly got the Chaser position, although not quite as pleased about Violet getting the Seeker position. It was nice to see James checking that Lily didn't mind, and her accepting it too. Their awareness of each other is very sweet and believable.

Then we find out what happened that night! I'm so pleased that you used a flashback to tell the story rather than Lily and Sirius narrating it, because I think that way it was a lot more effective. I could picture absolutely everything in the accident, and it felt like I was there watching it as it happened. The confusion that Sirius was feeling and all the stress and terror of the accident came across brilliantly.

And Lily forgave him! I was kind of surprised at that to begin with, but I actually think that it fits completely with your characterisation of Lily. She's so compassionate and I can't believe that she managed to forgive all of those people even though her parents died. It must have been really difficult for her but it makes sense that she was the one who chose to lie, and that explains why Sirius found it so hard to deal with. I wondered at the beginning how Sirius had been the one to find her but I never thought that he'd been involved in the accident - now, of course, it makes perfect sense!

James' reaction! I wasn't surprised by it because I can imagine him getting angry like that over anybody causing Lily pain, but I was scared for Sirius all the same. It was great to see Remus standing up for Sirius as well, because he's so often portrayed as the quiet friend who doesn't say much or stand up to his friends. I liked what both Lily and Belle said at the end as well.

And then, after a chapter full of all these revelations and emotions, you go and leave it on a cliffhanger like that! What are you trying to do to me? This was a fantastic chapter though, I'm just so sorry that it's taken me so long to get back and write this review! ♥

Sian :)

Author's Response: Don't apologize, crazy girl! And thank you so much for the congratulations ♥ it was definitely a bittersweet feeling!

I really, really like the difference in writing Sirius. He takes on his own sort of tone in my head and he's usually the one to cooperate the best, which is odd since he's such a brat half the time :P I'm so happy that it feels Sirius-ish to you!!

I was thinking along those same lines as you with Sirius knowing the trick to get the spell to work for dark magic. No one picked up on the fact that it was *Sirius* to know it, and I'm so excited that you did!

I really want to make their friendships as genuine outside of my head as they are on in my mind, haha. And I tried not to let myself focus on making them different so much as just making them real, so i hope that paid off and they just seem like normal people who really care about one another throughout the story!

I could go on for hours with my Severus rant. I do not like when his feelings for Lily are sugarcoated and made romantic when it was nothing but selfishness that had him missing/loving her. He had plenty of time while they were both alive to make amends; he chose his friends and he chose his life, and he didn't take back that choice even after he called her mudblood. I feel like, if he really would have felt bad, he would have stopped hanging around the people whose goals in life are to kill people like Lily. He didn't. He carried on, then when she died a tragic death with her husband he realized he'd never get the chance to own her and twisted his own obsession into love.

Opps, I didn't mean for that rant to go through. Well then, moving on, HAHA!

I'm so, so thrilled that you liked the story of the wreck! I've been so excited for you to get to that point!!!

I think Lily was more than anything blaming herself too severely to blame anyone else. At least, that's what I was sort of thinking when I wrote it. And I'm so excited that this tied it all together with how/why he found her!!

I'm so happy you liked this chapter, Sian! And again, don't worry! I'm just really grateful that you're still sticking with it ♥

Thank you so much for this amazing review and all your sweet compliments, and sorry that half my response turned into a Severus rant ;)

♥ Jami


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Review #5, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

20th July 2013:
Whoa! What a dream! I was angry when Sirius was angry, excited about this challenge and the power it brought, then there was screaming and I was sad. I... I... Huh? :P I need to know what happened!

No! Remus! I'm so glad he's okay, I was so worried when James said he'd hurt himself. I'm so glad Sirius knew the trick with the spell, I don't know what I'd do if he became worse. *hugs Remus tightly*

That nightmare is still giving me chills. Tell James what? Please tell him; I wanna know!

The more I read Lily, Belle and Alice, the more I love them. They're just so... natural around each other, it's so easy to be friends with them, that even Alice forgets to be embarrassed. I love that! Haha, and what she said had me laughing. :D

Oh, Severus. He really blew it in the end, but I like that you've put that their personalities were the ultimate reasons for the breakdown of their friendship - it makes sense to me. I mean, I understand that what he said was awful and it would cause friendships to fail, but they were so close that they maybe could have gotten past it one day if it weren't for everything else as well.

James would make a great leader, I have to agree with Lily. He's so calm and confident and he knows what to say. As much as it pains me to say, he'll be a great leader in the war.

:O The story!

And back to the nightmare - I don't know how Sirius coped, carrying around all of that guilt. I wonder why he was the one who brought Lily in the beginning, but I didn't even register that he'd be involved. :( It's such a tragic accident and I can understand why he'd blame himself, he was so angry when he started the race and it was supposed to be fun, then BAM, a crash.

*hugs them all, squeezing tightly*

James! I didn't expect it to be James who went after Sirius, and yet, after everything he did for Lily in the beginning, I totally expected it. Weird, huh? I was also expecting Belle to say something, so I was very surprised to hear what she said. But it's very true; I like that she was the rational one in this.

Uh oh... Oh no. I'm scared to know what's going to happen... What's wrong???

Amazing chapter, Jami. Kind of freaking out now, though. :S

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi darling!! Sorry this response has taken a bit! But I was SO excited to see you here!

The Shrieking Shack scene was a lot of fun to write. At least, the intensity was. I mean, I didn't want Remus to be hurt but I like showing that it wasn't always fun and games, you know?

I'm happy you can see the leader potential in James! And you're right, as sad as it is, he will make a great leader in the war.

Ahhh I'm so happy you liked the story behind Lily's parents' death!!! well, as much as you can like something like that, I suppose :P. James definitely wasn't as understanding as he could have been, but like you said... he's done so much for Lily and he's seen her suffer so much. Knowing that was avoidable really got to him, I think.

But they can't stay mad at one another for long, can they? ;)

Thank you for another incredible review, Sam! ♥


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Review #6, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
SO!

Poor Remus, I was on alert from the moment that James was all, 'we can't stop the bleeding'. He really does have it rough, it's just not fair but I'm glad he has such caring and supporting friends - at least that is a plus. And we meet Severus! You know I'm seriously glad that you didn't make him out to be horrible person - although Belle was clearly giving him a murderous look so I'm guessing he hasn't been all that pleasant before this - but I was so happy for Lily that she got the photo of her family, I bet that is so precious to her and I think that photo really symbolised the love that Severus has for Lily. He's doing it, because he can't bare seeing her sad, and I do admire him for it.

Throughout the Quidditch tryouts I was like, 'YAY, POLLY IS ON THE TEAM' and then later I was like 'ugh, Violet is on the team.' I really dislike Violet and her sucking neck lip gloss. But you did totally surprise me with that one - I was sure that Lily would win the spot and then be all 'Woohoo Violet you lose, I win!' but I think this will open up a whole lot of drama between Lily and James. I doubt Violet is gonna give up on James, if she was desperate enough to get a burning lip gloss just for him then...I think she'll stick about and mess things up a bit more. OMG, YOU HAVE A FLAIR FOR DRAMA - I wanna know what happens next so I'm gonna read on, but amazing story girl!

Author's Response: I have to be honest, it's difficult for me to be fair to Severus ;). But I don't want to put him in a light that Lily wouldn't see her in, and I think that at this point it's mainly the awkwardness of the fact that neither of them really know each other anymore than left over ouchies about their fights. It's too bad Lily could never try and get them to talk again, and Severus couldn't give up his DE friends. But they both made their decisions, and if they'd both have gone on to live happy lives apart and no before-lilys-time death, he may have gotten over her much easier.

Violet cause a lot of issues a bit farther down the road. She does a good job pretending to have gotten over herself for a bit, but her self centered side will pop out soon enough ;).

I'm so excited you liked the tryouts! I couldn't not let Polly on the team! And I've just realized you and Polly are probably close to the same height. ;)!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MAZ FOR MAKING ME THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON HPFF.


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Review #7, by FallenTruths 

31st May 2013:
Hello again!

Wow, that opening scene with Sirius was really intense. I like how you changed your writing style to reflect Sirius's rage in that moment and the flashes of events that happened as Sirius remembered them. The short spurts of words and sentences gave the scene a very disjointed effect, perfectly reflecting how I imagine Sirius to remember that night.

There were a few typos -

thankful he had thought to put it in is pocket after he changed from Padfoot. - is should be his

Peter followed with a small jet of water to get the majority of the caked blood from Remus's arm and soaked up the moisture with another blanket. - should be soak

You have a few hours until Pomfrey comes, get some sleep. - Make that two separate sentences

He screamed at her, shouted and thew it in her face - thew should be threw

He looked like a dog that had been kicked over and over, like the a broken form of the man she knew - delete the

Lily knew the small shards of her on insecurities, - on should be own

I loved the scene between Lily and Severus. I was wondering when we would see the two converse again. The mention of their relationship drifting apart even before he called her a mudblood was a nice addition since I don't think Lily would cut all ties from him for just that one instance if they were already on good terms before that. It was also heartbreaking how she fell write back into their old closeness with her calling him Sev.

The quidditch scene was a fun one to read, though I'm so mad you let Violet onto the team! I hope she falls off her broom at the first match and needs to be replaced. It also makes more sense now that Lily was the one that decided to keep the car accident a secret from James. I also liked the little touch of realism where you showed us that even at Hogwarts people with money get ahead.

The car race scene going into Lily's devastation was my favorite so far of this novel. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time reading it. It was so intense, first with the cars racing, then with the turbulent emotions and shock. I think the fact that Lily could smile at Sirius to reassure him shows the readers that she really has gotten stronger and dealt with her grief at least a little bit, though that insecurity that maybe it was her fault too is there as well. It would have been easier for Lily to blame Sirius so she can avoid blaming herself, but the fact that she never did that to Sirius shows how compassionate she is. That cliffhanger is forcing me to immediately move on to the next chapter! See you in Chapter 9. =)

Alli

Author's Response: Alli!

I still struggle to make sure my writing matches whatever character we're following atm, so I'm really happy you thought it felt right for Sirius in this first section. He and James are always easier than the girls. I guess just like in RL, boys are simple and girls are a complicated bunch of craziness :P

I'm so happy you liked the Sev Lily scene! He's such an insanely hard character for me to write. And giving them a good balance between clearly not friends, but not just forgetting the friendship that meant so much to them, was hard for me. I also agree that I think things were already really tense between them before the incident. I feel like Lily probably used it as an out more than anything. They were probably already having a lot of issues and she just got exhausted with their constant arguing about his friends, and maybe she realized his feelings for her and didn't know how to let him down or something, so when he called her that it was a good excuse for her just to end it. Not fair to him at all, but a way to make a clean break :(.

I've had some mixed reaction on how I went with Lily in this. Some people wanted her to blame Sirius more, but it just didn't feel right. I think i her situation she'd have been too shocked to feel much of anything, then went straight to it being her fault (in her head). I'm really, really happy you think it showed her compassion. That was definitely something I hoped got across.

Thank you for the typos! Going to edit those in now! And I'm so, so excited that you're enjoying this so far. Your reviews are becoming my favorite part of the week ♥


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Review #8, by WeasleyTwins 

31st May 2013:
Hello darling! I actually read this chapter the other day and am finally getting around to leaving a review! This new job is so exhausting and this is a great reward ♥

Okay, so this is probably going to be nothing but a squee - that was completely unexpected and I LOVE it. That was so perfect I couldn't even handle it. I honestly thought that Sirius and Lily had a thing going on and she was with him when her parents were killed. I had no idea. I really like the thought that Sirius's recklessness was sort of the cause of something so catastrophic. I think it's a good fit in canon. We know the Marauders eventually grew up, some way or another, and I really like that this was that defining, growing moment for Sirius. It is also Lily's growing moment. She didn't press charges against the girl because she didn't want her to go to jail for manslaughter. That shows compassion and humanity. It also shows strength. Good gracious, Jami, no one can do Lily and James and all the rest like you. They're so your characters.

And James's reaction, oh goodness, so James and so Harry, really. And the ending! What is going to happen! I don't even know if I can emotionally manage it. Is it Death Eaters? Is someone else dead? Has the war really started? So many questions!

I'm sorry for such a short review. I have no CC for you or anything. I just can't get over how wonderful each chapter is. You've set this standard and held to it. I love it.

♥ Shelby

Author's Response: Shelby Shelby! I have your AP open in my 'after I respond to review' tab, yay!

You thought I would give Sirius Lily romantic-ness?! Mwahha. Never! I could actually see them falling together if James would have died or something. Sort of bonding over mutual grief... but I think that's the only way.

I'm so excited that you noticed it was a defining moment for both Lily and Sirius. Especially for the latter, cause no one seems to have noticed that so far. And it's such a huge moment! He realized how big his of consequences his actions can have. And that's such an amazing compliment, because with all the Marauders saturation around FF I really do want to be able to give them something different.

A short review?! This was absolutely perfect! I'm so insanely happy you enjoyed this chapter; you know how much I respect your opinion. Thank you my lovely for making my day ♥


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Review #9, by Courtney Dark 

23rd April 2013:
Gah, this chapter was so full of awesomeness! You managed to pack humour, action, developing friendships and relationships and fluffiness all into one chapter - HOW do you do it?

I think my favourite part about this chapter was the fact that Sirius' story was told through a flashback rather than just he and Lily telling the story. It was definitely an effective way for us to see his secret. I'm not quite sure what I had expected this secret to be, but it definitely wasn't that! The way you wrote the scene was spectacular and I loved how you linked it into the dream at the beginning.

There were a lot of other bits and pieces I loved about this chapter, like the fact that you included Severus and that some more minor characters, such as Mary MacDonald were introduced. I'm also glad you included that little Quidditch segment because for me, Quidditch has always been an important part of Hogwarts life and of James' life, too.

Ooh, a bit of a cliffhanger at the end! My imagination is now on overdrive, wondering what McGonagall has to say...

Courtney:)

Author's Response: I think a lot of people thought his secret was going to revolve around something romantic, so it was fun to reveal the truth. Mwahaha. You liked the flashback?? Oh good! I was worried I made it too.. confusing. I'm actually a huge fan of motorcycles, so I was afraid I may have gotten a bit too into describing it, haha.

Severus. Oh gosh Severus. I'm not a fan of his but I do try and do him justice in this and not make him... you know, overly bad because of my own biases haha. I'm excited that you liked seeing him and Mary in here though, it makes writing his pain in the butt self worth it, haha!

Thank you again for all your amazing comments. I know this isn't a short story, and the fact that you've started it and (seem) to be liking it is such a huge treat.

Thank you ♥

Jami



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Review #10, by CloakAuror9 

3rd March 2013:
Hello! I'm *finally* here after months of saying that I'll catch up with the story soon. Ugh. School has really kept me away from the internet this past few months, I'm glad that we have this Gryffindor-Slytherin review battle going on. It's encouraging me to keep my reviews on track. :P

That first bit of the chapter was absolutely amazing! I love how it set the mood of the chapter instantly, BAM -just like that. I found myself wanting to read more about it and I was honestly considering skimming the chapter just to read about Sirius's little motorbike-car race first before reading the rest of the story. Don't worry, I didn't and I'm glad because if I did I would've probably missed out on all the juicy (or should I say bloody) bits about Remus.

Oh. My. Gosh. Your vivid descriptions about how Remus looked like made me feel both sick and happy! Sick because I'm not a great fan of blood pouring out of people's body and happy because your descriptions were just so amazing! I easily imagined Remus lying there on a camp bed, losing a lot of blood (not that there's anything happy about that). I felt really bad for Remus, though! He unconsciously hurt himself just like that and the worst thing is that he probably did this more than a few times during his life. I'm glad that James, Peter and Sirius are there for him through thick and thin, though. See, that's one thing about Before They Fall, as much as I love so many other James/Lily stories, I think that your one of the few writers I've seen write the Marauder's friendship SO SO well.

Speaking of friendships, I just love that Snape appeared in this chapter. The fact that he went out of his way to give Lily a photograph of her family when he simply could've simply owled it to her, just shows how much he really was concerned about Lily. I thought that was very sweet of him.

Also, absolutely loved the fact that you didn't just sit Sirius and the others around in a circle as he talked about what happened that night, instead you brought us the flashbacks! I just, wow. I'm blown away. I almost felt like I was a bystander in the accident! The flashing of the lights, the scream, the roaring of the engines...it's just all so realistic, you know?

Lily is just so kind and compassionate, she just can't blame Sirius, or anybody else, for her parents' deaths. I always love that side of her! In my opinion, some authors focus too much on her feisty-ness and just end up forgetting about how kind Lily is. So, it put a smile to my face when I read that bit! Though that smile quickly vanished as I really thought that James was going to strangle Sirius after he told them the whole story about Lily's parents. He was just so terribly angry at Sirius! My heart must've been beating three times than normal while I was reading that section. I was fearing for Sirius life more than I probably was with Remus! :x

Overall, this chapter just overwhelms me but not in a bad way. It is jam-packed with emotions, you know? I think this is probably my favourite chapter by far! It shows so much from the loyalty of the Marauders to Severus's barely-there friendship with Lily. A very well-written chapter that is full of dynamic imagery. The only thing that bothered me a bit while I was reading was that I felt that the flow was a bit choppy. I don't really blame you though, from the shrieking shack to the girl's dormitories to the quidditch tryouts to the flashback, there was just really a lot of things going on! But I absolutely enjoyed this! ♥

I don't even know how I managed to go for months without reading Before They Fall. I must've been out of my mind, really. I promise (and I'll keep this one) to try and catch up with the story from now on, with or without a review challenge. I do apologise for taking forever with this review though, since I'm not 13 chapters behind. :

Amazing as always,
~Izzy

Author's Response: Izzy!! You have no idea how excited I was when I saw you here!

Yay for Gryffindor Slytherin battle!!

Hahhahah I'm very happy you didn't skim. I'm so happy that the descriptions felt really alive in this. I wanted the gritty sort of feel to really be present, and it makes me happy that it made you a bit uncomfortable :P.

You saying that you like how I write the Marauders friendship is absolutely one of the best compliments. They mean a lot to me, so making sure that it isn't just about Lily and James or just about Sirius and Belle is really important. The friendships deserves just as much attention as the romances.

Yes! Snape appeared! I really wanted to make sure that just because I didn't like Severus, I wasn't ignoring him. It isn't a huge thing, but it was still a really important thing for Lily.

I'm so happy that you liked Lily's compassion. I think that if she would have let herself, she could have blamed Sirius. But she knew that it wasn't his fault, and so much of her was busy thinking it was hers. I agree about people focusing too much on her fiesty-ness. Sure, she could stick up for herself, but that wasn't her personality. We learn from Remus that she was an incredibly kind person. Not that she was a fiery red head every chance she got. I'm really happy that you like her more caring nature in this ♥ actually, I'm just really happy in general at your entire review. You've turned me into a mushy mess and I feel like my sentences are probably making no sense. haha.

I agree about the choppiness of this chapter. I played with it a few different times, but I ended up decided leaving all the content and being okay with it not being my most smooth chapter was a fair trade. The Quidditch tryouts I wasn't crazy about, just because they felt boring, but then I didn't want to ignore them because they would be a big deal to the group, especially James.

I'm so happy that you still enjoyed this though. I just want to hug you and squeeze you. Can you feel my internet huggles from here?!

Thank you so much for stopping by, Izzy ♥ I hope that you'll get time to come by again! I've missed seeing your amazing reviews!

♥ Jami


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Review #11, by patronus_charm 

2nd March 2013:
Hi Jami!

You made me worried with Remus! I think it was due to Siriusís reaction, as he usually seems so level-headed, and for him to then freak out, it was rather shocking for me! It was surprising that he saved him as well, but it seems like he would have a hidden talent!

I liked that little scene of Lily in the girlís dorm, it was nice to her reminiscing. I didnít realise that there were any other seventh year girls, other than the ones mentioned, but Iím glad that there are, as it makes more sense in my head for some reason! I loved Belleís reaction to being woken up, it seemed so typical of her. I loved the mentions of Fabian and Gideon, and Molly and Arthur it just made the story more special.

I loved Augusta! What she said, just made me laugh so much! The fact that Alice had the hips for it, but they should still use protection. I wonder what she made of Alice being a relatively young mum, and then being faced with bringing up the said child.

Yay for Snape! I know you donít like him, but heís one of my favourite characters, so I was really pleased to see him popping up here :D I thought it was really touching that he gave Lily that photo, as it shows that he still cared for her. Then the fact that she was rather civil to him as well, was a nice surprise, as it showed that there was still a bit of hope in their friendship.

I like the friends reaction to him talking to Lily, it seemed very in character. Alice greeting him cheerfully, and still being nice to him. Then Belle being angry, and sending him death threats. She could just be like that for a whole chapter, and I wouldnít get bored!

I just thought it was a typical quidditch trials. I have to agree with Lily and Alice, James just seems to have some natural leadership quality about him, and I really liked it. You actually managed to make the quidditch trials rather interesting, as theyíre usually boring so yay for that! Then the ending I didnít expect that, I kept on waiting and waiting for the revelation in each chapter I read, and now we finally got it!

WOW! WHAT! PLOT TWIST! I DONíT KNOW WHAT TO SAT! WAH! It all makes sense to me now, well the beginning part at least! I did not see that coming, it was really well done, and I like the use of the British words ;) I donít really know what to say, my thoughts are just all jumbled. I want to feel sympathy for everyone, even Sirius, and Iím still not sure whether he deserves it or not, Iím so confused! Wah!

Lily is just wonderful! I donít think I could have been like that to Sirius, yet she showed him so much compassion, and it was as if she was comforting him, not he comforting her. Lily is just awesome really!

It was sort of unexpected and expected what James did. I can see why he was angry, as his best friend sort of killed his sort of girlfriends parents, but Lily was telling him not to get angry, yet he still lashed out. At least Remus and Belle stuck by him, and Belleís words were so true! And you left me on a cliff-hanger!

I think this was the best chapter so far, mainly due to it being so jaw-dropping, that my jaw is still hanging out!

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Sorry responses are taking me so long :(

I'm so happy that I got you a bit scared at the start of this. I think Sirius would absolutely be the best equipped out of the group to deal with dark sort of magic, like a werewolf bite.

Hahah I had a lot of fun writing Augusta in this scene! I think exploring other canon character through different eyes than what Harry sees them through is a really fun part about this era!

Severus was really hard for me. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is that a Severus fan thinks I did him justice! I tried to keep all my biased feelings out of it :P

Quiddich is SO boring to write, haha. The trials were hard for me to get through, but you're so sweet to say that they kept you interested ♥

Eeek!!! I'm so happy you finally know the secret!!! I felt so bad for all the characters during this :(. Sirius just killed himself over it, and James lets his emotions get too far ahead of him and ugh.

Awww Kiana you're reviews always make my day so much better. I love how into them you get. It makes me feel like I really am creating an interesting story. Thank you so much for stopping by ♥

The next chapter is another intense one as well, so I hope you like that! It's a shorter one too... I didn't even know I could write short :P

Thank you so much again for all of your amazing compliments on this story ♥


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Review #12, by ValWitch21 

6th February 2013:
Technically, only Rachel/TenthWeasley can make me like Severus. And what have you done? Proved me wrong again!

Oh, Augusta, how I love you and your brittleness. I recently read a really good Muriel story, so this reminded me of that and I really, really enjoyed her snide comments.

And oh God. Sirius. All the jumbled feels. And James who privileges Lily over Sirius and ugh ugh ugh I feel like the crossing between jelly and a sponge as I read Sirius' confession.

Why do you do this to me?

Author's Response: Honestly.I really, really don't like Severus. I could write you an essay on what I think about him. How I think his love was nothing but obsession for a girl that he had every chance to stay friends with, but instead he chose to be friends with the people whose goal in life was to *murder* that girl and the other people like her. The majority of the bad that happened in his life, he did to himself. He deluded himself into believe, after Lily was killed, that he had an honest sort of passionate kind of deep love, when really he threw their friendship away and never made the effort to make it better. Okay... oops... I wasn't supposed to be writing you an essay... hahahaha sorry!!!

Sirius had a rough time, didn't he? :(. I think, more than anything, James just had to see the worst of Lily. He watched her go through so much, and knowing that it could have been avoided really got to him. But as you know, it doesn't last long ;).

I'm at the point where I don't even know how to say thank you without it sounding like it's enough. Like I said, knowing you're reading, knowing you've been reading... it just means so much to me. You're awesome, Val ♥


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Review #13, by Pixileanin 

8th January 2013:
First off, I have to confess that when I saw the chapter title "No More Secrets", the first thing I thought was that this was going to be where someone tells one (of all) of the girls about the animagus condition, or Remus' ailment, or something like that. I was delightfully surprised when it was someone else's secret entirely that you meant. It's too early in this story line to be divulging the big secrets of the boys, secrets that they have been holding dear to their hearts for so long. No one has committed yet, after all.

With all that out of the way, how horrible of you to put our dear, beloved Sirius in such a situation! I would give your muse a piece of my mind, except for the fact that you pulled it off so devilishly well that it was almost worth reading yet another heartbreaking episode in the life of Sirius Black. Seriously, how much angst can one person handle?

I loved how you showed the risks and the danger of what those four were doing together in the shack. They way that you focused on Remus' condition as potentially life-threatening and how he really needed someone else to help watch over him got through to me. If he hadn't had his friends, would he even survive month to month all alone?

Alice's rant was really funny, the way she went on about how frustrating Augusta's lectures were and how caught up in it she was that she didn't realize in her sleepy haze exactly what she was saying. I bet that woke everybody else up right quick!

No one should have to be forced to say anything polite about Violet. Some people aren't worth that kind of effort. And then Severus has to come up and do something ambiguously cordial like that. He could have been apologizing for everything in that one phrase. Everything and nothing at the same time. It's the type of thing he'd do.

So Sirius finally comes clean. I couldn't have guessed in a million years where you were going with it, so congratulations for the element of surprise! James' anger was justified. He had to get it out right there, but you didn't give him too much time to process all of that either. You threw them another curve ball that they'll have to deal with, and this time it's a cliffhanger. I don't know if I should pat your muse on the back or give her a cold, hard stare.

Another engaging chapter!

Author's Response: Hiii *insert big wave with even larger smile*..

I struggle a bit with the telling of the animagus werewolf thing. I finally worked in my head when Lily will find out and why, but really I bounced around the idea around of her never even finding out. But looks like you'll have to wait and see what my final decision ended up being.. mwahaha.

I knowww. My poor wittle Sirius :(. I do feel a bit bad about adding onto his already large pile of angst.. but it gave me such an awesome chance to bring him and lily together so much closer as friends. Couldn't pass up that, could I??

I feel like I must have been a bit frustrated with my own mother in law to be at the time of writing Alice's rant... hahaha poor girl.

I was so, so worried about that Severus section. I just don't get him enough to be confident to get his voice right... but I love what you said about the possibility of him being able to apologize to Lily about everything or nothing in that. So Severus. And now he's going to trot off in a few years and fall madly in love with Dorcas! Woot!

I thought James's anger was justified as well. Lily took it so much better because she was still so shocked and already blaming herself. Petunia blamed Lily for having magic and tearing them apart. Severus blamed Lily for being a mudblood and forcing him to endure all sorts of teasing. Okay, he probably didn't, but she was probably feeling an wakeful lot like he did when he called her that. Basically Lily isn't the person to need to find someone who is responsible for bad incidents, because the second they happen she's already piling the blame on herself :(. Poor Lily. :(

Ohhh my muse likes back pats much more than cold, hard stares! Just in case you're still trying to make up your mind ;)

Thank you so much m'dear for this awesome and thoughtful review ♥


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Review #14, by Roots in Water 

13th December 2012:
Hello! I'm here to return the fantastic review you left me through the Holiday Swap!

Oh. My. Gosh. Oh. My. Gosh. This was such an emotionally packed chapter... Wow. Just wow. I am absolutely stunned by the beauty and power of this chapter.

With the opening scene I was thinking "No, no, no- Sirius killed them, he killed her parents. What is Lily going to think?" The emotion, the almost vagueness, the simplicity of the scene was wonderfully done. His emotions - frustration, anger, ferocity - came through very well and the simple sentences made the section just that much more powerful.

(I'm going to jump to the ending since that's where my thoughts are at the moment). Then, then, when Sirius says that he has to tell them something... The suspense of that moment was very well done. The heart of Sirius' character shone through crystal clear here: he's a person who wants to do the right thing, who is fundamentally good (no matter what mistakes he may make) and is willing to own up to his mistakes. He was astonishingly mature here, and feeling oh so guilty, but it worked so well with him. Beautiful characterization here.

And then the telling of the incident itself! I think that you made the right choice here when you wrote the event as it happened instead of just describing it. It leant more emotion to the scene than a simple rendition would have and it allowed us to see Lily's reaction to the event. I will admit that I hadn't thought that Lily would have known about it- I thought that this would be a huge revelation. However, I'm very glad with the way things played out (even though the event was tragic). Lily was so Lily here (and I think I have to stop describing people by their names...) in the way she comforted Sirius even when she had just experienced a huge loss.

And let me just say that I'm very glad that Sirius was not the one to run into her parents' car. The dynamics of the accident were very interesting as just about every party was as guilty as the other. No one was completely innocent.

I do have a question, though (about a very small detail). How did the girl's parents get there so soon? Did Sirius black out for a while, giving the parents (and Lily) time to get there?

And I think that you handled the reactions of their friends very well as well. James' reaction was expected (I would have been surprised if he hadn't gotten angry, because it's an event that hurt Lily - he wouldn't have a calm reaction to that, not in the least). However, I think that he'll come around soon, after a few days of frosty treatment. Remus' reaction also fit him perfectly because he always seemed to be the most understanding and sympathetic of the group. It makes sense that he would understand Sirius' side of the story, even if he wished it hadn't happened that way and frowned on Sirius for street racing. He would understand that Sirius is beating himself up enough... There's no need to add more guilt to the pile.

Overall, the dynamics of that section were beautifully done. Bravo!

And now to move onto the less heart-breaking section of the chapter: the Quidditch scene. That scene was also very well done (you're on a roll with this chapter, aren't you?). I absolutely loved the easy dynamics in this section and I think that it was a very interesting and fun idea for everyone to help James out with the Quidditch tryouts. I suspect that Violet will have a role to play in the future but I'm sure that you can't tell me anything about that.

And then the scene with Severus... It was so bittersweet because you could see that he still really cared for her and that there was this yearning on both sides to repair their friendship... But neither made the move to repair it because they're separated by the times and their choices. The picture was very sweet and it was so nice of Severus to give it to her.

I noticed a few things as I was reading and I'll quickly point them out. To begin, with the phrase "from the devil, it was all" I'd use a semi-colon or start a new sentence instead of a comma- same thing with "furious, she". As well, with the prhase "about it, he'd" I'd use a semi-colon instead of a comma and with the phrase "finished eating, seeing James" I'd use a semi-colon or replace comma with "as". With the phrase "Mr. And Mrs. Potter" it should be "and" (you capitalized the "a") and with "press chargers for the girl‚€™s reckless" it's "charges". As well, on a kinda side-note, with the phrase "Lily chasing her dark haired sister through the lobby" is Petunia actually ark-haired? I suppose it was my headcanon, then, that she had dark-blonde hair. Weird, the things you pick up and incorporate into your mind.

Geez- you're going to make me wait until chapter 13 to learn about Belle's past? I guess I'll just have to speed through these chapters that much more quickly!

All in all, I think that you did a superb job with this chapter! The characterization and the dynamics were absolutely beautiful and I enjoyed reading each moment of it. Fantastic job! :D

P.S. I think that this is the longest review I've ever written. :)

Author's Response: Roots! ♥ I'm so happy you liked how the accident has played out. I know I've had a few people not love how strong Lily is at first, but that's just her. If she's trying to fix, if she's focusing on something else, it's not killing her. Then the moment she slips from her shock and realizes what's happening, it all just breaks.. which is what we saw in chapter two! Anyway, this was one of those things that I was very set on not changing, so I'm really happy she felt right to you ♥

That's exactly what I wanted with the accident! I wanted it to just have all happened in a way that it really wasn't one single person's fault. It was just something absolutely terrible that happened.

So in my head, here's how I see the finer details going. Sirius did black out when he was thrown from his bike. In my head where they crashed is the entrance to the neighborhood where Lily and Severus live, with James about half a mile away. So numerous houses would have heard the wreck and called the police. Sirius was woken up by the guy when the police were showing up and while he went to hide his bike the police had started talking to the girl, called her parents and all that. Lily is one of the people who lives in the neighborhood and drove down the road to see what was happening and ya :(. It does all kind of add up too perfectly, but it was the best I could come up with to get everyone I wanted there :P

Ahh I'm so happy you like James's reaction! And you're right, there is a very good chance he'll come around soon ;)

The quidditch scene was SO HARD TO WRITE. Haha, I'm not sports person so even getting in the sports attitude isn't easy for me! So I'm very pleased that you felt like it was well done :)!

Hahah yes yes I AM making you wait until chapter 13! I'm a sneaky girl. But the way we're swapping, it won't take long :P

Your review just turned me into mush and gah. I don't know what to do with you ♥


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Review #15, by LovlyRita 

9th December 2012:
Chapter 8! My favorite number :) Ok, first off, loving the title of the chapter, maybe that means things will be revealed?! we shall see!

Loved the opening, I'm sitting here like...what on earth could this be describing. Well a car accident most likely involving Sirius in some matter which makes me sad panda. But alas, reading on!

Ok i'm gonna tell you a secret about me, since this seemingly is the chapter for it. I love the f word. I know it's naughty and bad and I shouldn't say things like that, but it's been used twice already in this chapter and I'm like WINNING. I don't know why, maybe it's my inner thirteen year old, I don't know. But I like it, it was used for emphasis here and it was done well.

I like that Sirius was the one that had to heal Remus, it kind of showed this side of his personality, that he is smart and very good at magic. I honestly think the queue has ruined me, that I just expect cliches and ridiculousness, but you always always always surprise me, and the thing is, this far in the story I SHOULDN'T be surprised, it's common knowledge that your writing is superb and that you have built these characters in a unique and realist fashion. In conclusion, I suck.

Aww I love the way you've characterized Alice, she just seems like such a sweet girl. And the line about having the hip for child bearing! Of course Augusta would say that, I swear she's my mother in law. moving SWIFTLY along.

OMG it's Severus!! Awww I love him so. And he gave Lily a picture of her Family, bless his heart. I know this is such a horrible thing to say but sometimes I just want to smack Lily, even canon Lily. Like, clearly there is more to this relationship and the way things went down that I don't know, but...dude, he called her a mudblood when he was hanging upside down in front of the whole school, like it was just a bad thing to say, teenagers say bad things to each other all the time, hell, I have an entire blog from when I was in high school calling my friends out and saying bad things about them, but we still ended up friends even after we did that. Seriously Lily? lol. Sorry did not just mean to go into that little tirade there. I mean he said he was sorry! Right, end rant, moving on.

Ok so I've just finished the rest of the story and I have to say, how horrible and heart breaking :( I really liked the way that you wrote the sequence with Sirius after he had been racing the girl. I really felt the confusion, and if I had been sitting I'm sure I would be on the edge of my seat. I even started doing the thing when I read other action scenes in real novels (see: Game of Thrones...so bad about this) where I start skimming instead of reading so I can get to the part where I figure out what is going on and I forced myself to go back and seriously read it, because the writing was so well done, I didn't really want to miss it. I think a good word for this is "frenzied" I felt very like what on EARTH IS HAPPENING!?

I'm glad that Lily was so understanding in the immediate aftermath. I mean, she did have that entire time where she kind of broke for a few months but she showed a lot of strength and compassion for her friend, even though he was involved in the accident that took her parents. That was definitely good for Sirius.

James' reaction to it, I can see how he'd be protective of Lily. It made me so sad to see him so angry at his friend like that, especially since they are so close and he views him like a brother. It displays the strong bond he has with Lily, that he would take her side immediately in a thing like this, but I am glad that Lily stuck up for Sirius because obviously he didn't kill her parents. Everyone was at fault here it seems, in the accident.

Ah, I loved this chapter so much, but it was so darn sad! I literally couldn't stop reading once i hit the middle of the story, there was no way I could read and review at the same time! And crap , because now I really want to read on but I can't because of the review swap thingy and that is no fun at all :(

What a great bed time story this was, I am so happy I got a chance to read this chapter!! Brilliantly done, AS ALWAYS!! :)

Ash

Author's Response: Okay I'm totally replying to this review right now instead of when I reply to them all later today because this chapter is like the one I would sit in a corner, petting, saying 'my precious, my precious.' errrm. Ya.

Hahahah I'm one of those people that if you were one of my clients and came into my work or saw me at the store or something, you wouldn't think you'd ever hear me cuss. But I have a BAD mouth. Naughty me. Usually I have to take out a word or so that accidentally made its way into here :P

I'm so happy that you're always pleasantly surprised though ♥ I mean, I know I have done some cliches and that the Marauders are over done, but they're just this perfect thing in my head and I HAVE to write about, so the fact that you aren't running screaming after having read some of the worst of the worst in the queue just makes me giddy &heats;

Hahahaha anytime you want to talk about ridiculousness of 'well meaning' mother in laws... Yeah we could probably have an all night vent session with that one.

Okay, so Severus and Lily is one of my biggest No No's won't read thing. It took a lot for me to write this scene, and actually make it halfway decent. I think Lily was harsh in not forgiving him, but I don't even think it was him calling her that that actually broke them. I think she'd been looking for a reason because of his new relationships, and then that happened. It's just so sad that neither of them could figure out what to do to save a friendship they'd had for so long... but I also think that Severus couldn't have cared too much at the time because he had two years to stop being friends with the death eater prospect creeps and never did that. And you can't be friends with someone, then expect them to be okay with your other friends who literally want to kill you. Naughty teenagers.

Ahhh I'm so glad you like the last section!! I worry if I've made Lily too understanding, but in my head she didn't need another reason to hurt. She couldn't blame Sirius because she was already losing too much, and she was already too busy blaming herself. And Ahhh I'm going to melt in a gooey pile with this review! GOOEY!

James's reaction made me sad, too :(. But that moment when he realized Lily didn't *have* to go through all that, that he never would have had to see her break and bah. Don't worry, they don't fight for long ;)

And that's how I am with Brain Activity! Okay, I was supposed to be in the shower ten minutes ago. BUT! You are so awesome and absolutely just turn me into mush and gush and rawr. See you very soon ♥

Jami


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Review #16, by Remus 

13th November 2012:
Finally! I'm back!! Ugh! Life has been kicking my butt lately! However, I'm finally here, reading to tackle another chapter.

All I have to say about the introduction is "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!!?!?" Is it an insight of what happened that night with Lily's parents? I'm intrigued!

Woah! By this time Arthur and Molly has Percy? *goes on a quick research* OMG! You're right! I never thought about THAT!! I swear! I need a very, VERY detail timeline of the Marauder's era, it'll make it a lot easier when it comes to writing! Glad that HPoF is finally out of that era and is now bleeding towards the Hogwarts Era. Yaaay! XD However, if I write more Marauders, you're going to be my source! I bet you're learning a lot more about them now that you're writing a story about them.

Thank you, for not making Severus a snake here. He seems genuine with his feelings about Lily's parents. Specially since he knew them, right? I can't imagine Sev living nearby and not meeting his best friend's parents. Anyway, that moment was really sweet and I think you managed to capture his personality just fine.

Ok, so seriously...Violet...I want to punch her in the face. Reason being is that I'm associating her to a RL person that made a move to my hubby and hubby, being clueless to how women can be, sort of went along. Long story short...I want to punch Violet in the face just cus of that. Hahahaha! XD

I LOVE Sirius' anger! You really managed to capture that emotion real well. Not many people can give the Marauders the extra layers they need that makes them...well, them. You on the other hand have managed to capture that much darker side of Sirius's life.

Wow, Sirius drag racing and he stopped at the red lights! Hahaha! Usually people don't but oh well. XD So by the description, Sirius lost control of the bike, right?

Wouldn't the cops want him to get checked out by the ambulance?

I'm confused...

We still need to take you to the hospital.

You ran the red light, it'll be up to the family.

Sirius could tell the words were simply bouncing off the girl, whose parents were on either side of her and cocooned her into them.


So the girl he was drag racing with survived, right? Were the parents there hers? How did they get there so fast? How long was Sirius passed out considering that the ambulance got there quickly?

Man! That was rough! Poor Sirius! :( However, if I were on Lily's shoes...I would be initially be blaming Sirius and the girl just for the sake OF blaming it on someone until everything passed and started thinking clearly. That it wasn't her parent's fault. I know Lily is in shock but I guess I was expecting a bit of rage, you know.

LOVE James' reaction!! The anger! The blame! Love it!

ďBack down, James."Lily turned to Remus, surprised at the strength to his voice. I really like this line right here, I can see it as Remus' Wolf's leadership/alpha-ness bleeding through Remus to keep James in check.

Oh...I see why she didn't blame Sirius at the hospital. Oh man...that's really rough! Poor Lily! I can't believe how much guilt she must be carrying. OMG! And Petunia! She must blame Lily for their parents' death!

Wait..WHAT HAPPENED! You can't leave the chapter like that!!! Argh!!

Hahaha! Once again, great chapter Jami! :D I hate the ending of it but the good thing is that I'm behind and don't have to wait for the next chapter! XD

Until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Yay yay I love seeing you back!!

Oh my gosh I have PAGES AND PAGES on families/timelines/facts... everything you can think about about this era. Mainly geared towards BTF of course. I have a file for every order member, so I have all the current Weasley births/ages in case they get mentioned again by Gideon, Fabian, or of course Margaret. I love writing this era, but I think it's definitely the most research heavy!

Yes! Severus did know Lily's parents. We'll see more of that in her little childhood flashbacks! I was really worried about that section, so I'm very happy it felt right! And Violet is annoying, girls like her. even worse, women like her.. But she does improve ever so slightly during this :P.

Sirius is my dark/twisty/broody/happy/amazingness and I really want to do him justice throughout this. Bah. Sirius ;(.

Yes they were both half way abbiding by the law, though reckless driving of course, for a few lights until it got a little more headed and she decided to go a different route. Sirius, on the other hand, is growing up ever so slowly. He did lose control, he tried to stop too fast and in a lot of bikes the braking is in the front, so that sudden stopping caused his wheel to wheelie up... poor guy. But the person that shakes him awake is just a random one, so Sirius is already up by the time the cops come by, and they just think he's a person out riding. THey don't realize he was part of the accident. In my head it was probably a solid ten minutes before Sirius was able to make it to the cobra. He's kind of in stunned state, so he probably doesn't even realize it. And this is only going off of what I've seen with accidnets (my sister's a terrible driver :P) But the girl only got a few scratches, so the police allowed her to call her parents to come before the ambulance took her. They absolutely wouldn't have let her leave before taking her to the hospital, but did allow her to get her family there. I had so many different versions where I went into more detail on all this, bit then it just didn't make sense to go into more detail, because Sirius doesn't know more. Ya know? Haha.

I KNOW! Poor Lily :(:(:(. In my head, she lives very close to this, probably a block, and as soon as she heard all the commotion she left her house. So she wasn't expecting to see this... and bah. Poor Lily :( Then the whole time she's thinking, 'if i wouldn't have made them go,' and she had no room to blame anyone else when she's so heavily blaming herself. Although I do think she could have blamed Sirius if he didn't start out by blaming himself. If he would have just acted like it was a terrible accident, and not like he had anything to do with it, I think she would have turned on him.

Oh my god I'm such a rambler. !!!

The next few chapters are some of my very favorite! I hope you like them :wub: ♥ and thank you so much for the review! I always get so excited when I see one of your many names at the top of the newest review box :)!!!

OH! AND! Remus's line! Easily one of my very favorite things to write ever so far. haha!!




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Review #17, by MissMdsty 

12th November 2012:
So that's what Sirius and Lily did! I didn't expect that, but then again my imagination does tend to run away with me sometimes.

What I really liked about this chapter is that you didn't just have him tell the story, you took us back to that night, made us feel like we were there with them.

I was very surprised by James's reaction to Sirius in all of this, but then again, I love it when he gets all protective of Lily. Remus's "back down" line gave me chills.

I'm going to hit the submit button now because I want to know what's happened and I can't wait any longer! =)

Author's Response: I really liked Remus's 'back down' line as well, I'm happy you did too! I know, poor Sirius :(. Writing that night was something I'd been waiting for ever sense I had him and Lily show up together, so I was extremely happy it finally came!

Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm so thrilled you enjoyed what I have up of this story ♥


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Review #18, by shadowycorner 

2nd November 2012:
Oh God. What a chapter. Where do I begin? First off, I'm a little relieved by the secret being what it is, because for a moment there I was afraid something Sirius/Lily romantic-y happened, and that would kind of take away from the story. Then, the secret is disturbing and sad. Poor Sirius. It's one of those things he'll blame himself forever because no matter how many times others might convince him it wasn't his fault, he'll just always, deep down, think it was.

What a horrible and pointless way to die for them. Sadly, this is what really happens. I think you handled the serious of the situation really well. it wasn't overdone and had such justice to it. Although i was a bit confused at the scene where the ambulances were and Lily appeared. I first thought she was the one racing him, for some reason.

Anyway, Lily's stand on this is admirable. I like it. I think 99% of writers would turn it around, make Lily angry and angsty about it, but she's being so Lilily about it! She was a remarkable woman, after all, and an extraordinary friend and you really, really showed that.

James' anger really shows how much he cares for Lily. But he's really being a bit unreasanoble, it's not really his place to judge Sirius. At the same time, I love how even the wonderful, dreamy James Potter is a flawed person, because it's human.

This chapter was great, and surprisingly, I read all your longer chapters in one breath, lol. You just really know how to pull me in when big things are happening. I am dreading the next chapter now. Something up with Edgar, i guess?

It's horrible the war is reaching its peak slowly, and the deaths will just grow and grow. Still, you manage to capture the atmosphere of Hogwarts wonderfully. It feels like they ARE encountering the reality bits by bits, but they are still safe, protected, they're still kids and enjoy Quidditch and that's nice to read in between.

I just...love love love this.

Author's Response: Don't worry, I wouldn't never pair these two with anyone but each other. And you're right, it would have absolutely taken away from the story. Not only for Lily and James, for for James and Sirius.

I really thought about making Lily angry. But it just didn't feel like her. I think she blames herself more than anyone. Petunia's spent a lot of her life blaming Lily for things, from not being able to use her magic, to a few other things you'll find out. And Lily's first reaction is sort of just to blame herself as well. That will come out in the story later on. And you're right, she really is an amazing woman. I'm so happy that I was able to show that through this!

eeek you have no idea how happy it makes me that you think I'm able to capture the war and Hogwarts both. It's been a tough balance between how much and not enough. In Harry's day, everyone already knew what Voldemort was capable of, so it was easy to fear him unconditionally. In this, no one understands much. They don't know how afraid they really should be.

Ahh I can't even tell you what your review mean to me ♥


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Review #19, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

24th October 2012:
Back again for another review. Let's see if I can keep within the word limit this time. I'm going to guess probably not :P

Starting right from the top. I really enjoyed this dreamy flashback. I've mentioned before my mixed feelings on time-line distortions but this scene works great. Not only is it at the start of the chapter (so there is less flow to 'disrupt'), it also has real payoff by the end of the chapter. You mentioned the transition between the opening and the scene in the shack. Personally, I thought it was great. The flashback becomes a dream, which leads directly into the next scene. Overall, I found it very cleanly executed. If you want some super nit-picky feedback, I'd consider putting a blank line between 'help' and 'Sirius' in the opening line of the shack scene. It might help further emphasize the shift in consciousness, like there is a disembodied voice calling out to him from somewhere. Otherwise, I thought this and the transition into the girls' dormitory scene was just fine.

Moving right along. You mentioned next the Lily/Severus scene. I might be biased since I actually like the ship, but I was really partial to this part of the chapter. Even for those who hate the ship, you have to admit the two had a complex relationship, and I really enjoyed the way you portrayed that here. The photo felt like a very realistic reason for bringing them together, even just for an instant. I can't imagine Snape just walking up to her and saying sorry for her loss. But I can totally buy him saying that if they were brought together for another reason. My favorite bit of the whole scene was the line about Lily not being strong enough to continue trying to force him away from the Death Eaters. It really says just as much about her as it does about him. An absolutely brilliant line!

I didn't find the tryout scene to be boring at all. In fact, you really didn't describe much of them at all. You did describe what happened right as they were starting, and what happened right after, but you skipped over the bulk of it in the middle. I was expecting from your request for there to be a lot more of the actual flying bits. Either way, I didn't find what you included to be 'blagh' at all. You write action very well (see the rest of the review for more gushing on that). IMHO, you could have easily beefed this scene up more and cut out some of the scene in the dormitory, which, while well-written, I didn't think added that much to the chapter overall.

And now we get to it. THE SCENE! Before this chapter, it wasn't at all what I expected Sirius and Lily's secret to be. I thought it was going to be more of a romantic interlude type secret, like perhaps they'd been together the night her parents died. It wasn't until the opening scene that I realized what we might be in for. From a technical standpoint, I thought this was by far one of the best-written scenes of the story. The shorter, choppy sentences were perfect for cranking up the intensity. The whole time you could sense what was coming but it didn't lessen the impact of what happened. Overall, it was just solid writing and a great insight into Sirius' character.

On the emotional side of things, I'm a little torn. I understand what you said in your request about 'fix now, break later.' That's not at all an uncommon response to grief. Some people will obsess about getting the flower arrangements for a funeral right instead of facing the reality that a loved one is gone. Just keep going through the motions and keep the feelings at bay. And I can also understand her need for Sirius NOT to be responsible for this. True or not, I can see her just not wanting to deal with that on top of losing her parents. It's overload on her part; easier for her if there is no blame to lay at his feet. And, of course, I can see Sirius simply not being able to accept this. We all blame ourselves for things that are out of our control. It's human nature.

All that said, something still felt a little off for me. You asked if Lily seemed 'too okay,' and I think for me she did. She is the one who brings up that he isn't to blame, as if it's her main concern at the moment, and I'm not sure that feels totally true to life. She's actually already gone out and talked to the other girl in the accident. Why is she so intent right away on not blaming anyone, even this total stranger? Again, it's human nature to assign blame, yet she seems to be trying to convince Sirius that, in essence, her parents did this to themselves. The part where she slaps him and yells at him felt very realistic. That, I thought, hit the note you were going for -- as if telling Sirius to shut up and not make this harder on her or she might really, truly fall apart. On a similar theme, I found James' response a little over the top as well. No, that's too harsh. I really like the fact that he blames Sirius. That feels very real (like I said before, I think assigning blame is a very realistic response to tragedy). And Sirius taking the abuse feels right too. He's finally being punished for what he feels is his crime, and maybe it will assuage the guilt. I think him doing it all in front of Lily was...odd. If his motivation in being so angry is that he loves Lily and wants to blame someone for the hurt she had to go through, why would he bring this all up in front of her? Why would he, in essence, force her to accept the fact that her friend killed her parents? It might 'fit' better for me if he'd slugged Sirius out in the hallway or whispered in his ear that Lily may forgive him, but James knows he's to blame for this. I'm rambling a bit, I know. I'm sorry. I've said before (I think) that commenting on the emotions of a scene/story is really NOT by strongest asset as a review. So on to something that I'm better suited for...

Well, not here, it seems. I've hit my limit again. I'll PM you the rest of the review. I'll get under the character limit one of these days!

Author's Response: Hii!

I thought this flashback might be more your taste for those reason. We never really have to get into the story and back out. I'm so happy it felt clean though, I do have another coming up with Lily that starts as a dream, so I'm excited to see if I handled that okay, as well.

Ahh! You liked the Lily Severus?? That makes me so happy! I actually can't even read that ship, so I was extremely nervous about writing them. That line was actually one that I was really pleased with. There are so many things that make it seem like Snape called lily a you know what in 5th year, then it was done and he just spent the rest of his life miserable and she carried on. They had two more years together. That's two years for Severus to stop associating with the Death Eaters to try and show Lily he is truly sorry, two years for Lily to let her anger go and keep trying to show Severus that hate and prejudice aren't the way. Neither of them did either of that. I don't even really think it was Severus calling Lily a mudblood that destroyed everything, but they were both just sick of trying to make the other understand. And I'm sure they assumed they'd have years to try and make up, until... well.. you know ;(.

Oh good I'm happy the Quidditch scene didn't feel monotonous. I really despise writing Quidditch, hate it, so I'm going to do one really good game, then kind of try and gloss things over afterward. Haha.

Romantic interlude!!! I would claw my own eyes out. Sirius would claw his own heart out! I'm so happy I surprised you with what really happened, though. Better than a shared kiss under moonlight, right? ;). I actually wondered how many people did think it would be something along those lines.

After reading back over that and reading your review I think agree. I wanted her to seem for vacant, but her being the one to bring it up does seem like she's too okay. I think maybe Sirius trying to apologize right away saying it's his fault, then going to the slap, then leading to her vacant 'you didn't cause it' sort of attitude would work better. Hmm. You have my wheels turning, m'dear..

I think you do an awesome job commenting on emotions! You're careful to look at them in the context of the story, not just what you liked or didn't like. Honestly, I think at this point James just doesn't care. He isn't even thinking about how bad it would hurt Lily to blame Sirius, he's only thinking about how much it hurt him to watch Lily those first three weeks. Maybe just asking to talk to Sirius, but having Lily try and intervien saying that he doesn't need to talk to Sirius about anything because he didn't do anything, and them just kind of pushing each other until James just turns on Sirius and finally snaps would feel more realistic? I don't think there's anyway of getting them out of this room and making it feel smooth, everyone's too invested to see what happens at this point (the other friends, I mean). But maybe James can be trying to hold back his anger a bit more...

You're review has given me some things to think about! And I am so happy you enjoyed this chapter though, and I'll absolutely go through those words you pointed out in the message and pick ones a bit better suited.

Your reviews always are really helpful, you know. You do something 99% of people can't and comment on the actual story, on what something seems like in context with what's already happened, without any, 'well, I don't think Sirius would race his motorcycle like that so I don't like this section,' kind of trying to rewrite-ness. That made no sense. It makes sense in my head!!! Thank you ♥




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Review #20, by manno_malfoy 

3rd October 2012:
I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU END IT HERE?! I don't care if the chapter's above 9000 words! And I don't like cliffies and I hate you! BUT OMG, ALL THE EMOTIONS AND THE EVENTS!

You know what I find cool about this chapter? The fact that it even started with a cliff-hanger! You started with this bit of a flashback, which you disguise as a dream! But I guessed it was a flashback because you told me that Sirius will be revealing what happened the night Lily's parents died. So you started the chapter with a cliff-hanger that kept me on the outlook for Sirius's tale and keep me reading on and on not just because I want to get to it but because you've paved the way to that scene with fun events that help sculpt the characters a bit more.

Did that make any sense? I also just remembered that Chapter 9 is already up so I don't hate you as much as I did a paragraph ago!

Anyway! I think this line is brilliant!

"It wasn't a challenge. It wasn't speed, power. It was Hell. Screaming and shattering, glass and blood."

I really like the scene you opened the chapter with (after the flashback, I mean). You just show them as those amazingly supportive friends who aren't just here to mess around or to have an out of the ordinary experience to brag about one day. No, they're here to take care of their friend, in every meaning of the word! And I am always happy to see Peter being involved in scenes, even if I don't like him much! I like him here, but not in general. What I mean is that, there's no one luckier than Remus when it comes to having friends, except Harry, perhaps. I can't imagine having someone support me like this even after they find out I'm a werewolf.

Moving on! I absolutely adore Alice! It's always nice to have that friend that's trying to keep everyone in line! And, at the same time, I really like Belle who's bitter and sarcastic and tries to scare Severus away.

And that, my dear Jami, brings me to my next point: Severus. I think you wrote him very, incredibly well! Even if he hardly said anything, I could totally see him through your words! Especially the 'walking with his hands in the pockets of his robes' and 'black cloak billowing behind him.' I personally think that writing Severus is quite a challenge no matter what age he is. Maybe that's just me! And what's even better is that you wrote an interaction between him and Lily and brought out all the awkwardness mixed up with longing and mourning old memories and made it all seem so natural and real! So I absolutely LOVED, LOVED that part of the chapter. It made me tear up and I don't even know why, then I hugged my knees and reread it just because it was so sweet and touching.

By the time I had reached the quidditch scene, I wanted to murder something because I was getting impatient and wanted to know what Sirius had to say and I felt like this was getting in my way! But what I loved the most about it is showing us a new side of James. I loved his speech and when you mentioned in the text that he's a good leader, I felt that you really had him earn it through that speech.

AND THE BIG SCENE NOW! Okay, I'll have to be honest with you and say that I loved how you described Sirius's anger! It was dark and expressive and written differently from the rest of the chapter in order to deliver this young man's fury! And I love the way you write your darker scenes because that's where your writing gets really artful! Despite all that, I felt a little confused, especially when he started racing with that other car and the bit after the accident. I understand that the story was being told from his eyes and that he was misguided and angry and confused and that you may have needed to deliver that, but it made me feel a little lost myself. When I read it over a second time, I got it though! Nonetheless, I think it was intense enough and that it got emotions across very well!

As for the hospital scene, I have just one remark! I felt that Lily was too sane or lucid for someone her age in a situation as such. I mean, I understand her defending Sirius regarding this months later, but at a moment like that, I personally believe that you'd be too much of a wreck to tell what's right and what it isn't and anger makes you want to blame everyone! Yet, I think you wrote the scene wonderfully and it really, really touched me how good of a person Lily is. And I hated Petunia for leaving! Seriously, who does that?!

I also don't think that you should be worried about the flow! I felt that the events went well and that nothing felt rushed or stretched out.

All in all, I loved the amount of intense things that happened in this chapter! You dragged me through various ranges of emotion and I really enjoyed that! I still don't understand how you can still manage to write 9000+ words chapters and not bore me! So well done and I can't wait to see what happens next!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hahaha you are so awesome, you know that right? I had to end it there! 9,000 words! 9,000!! Haha, but as you noticed at the end of this review, I didn't cliffie you for too long ;)!! Next chapter is up and it's not even over 5,000 words :O! I must be ill or something.

Starting it with a cliffie was exactly my goal, I'm so happy it felt that way to you! I wanted it to be confusing and blurry and just not really all there.

YES! YES! That's exactly what I wanted to show with the shrieking shack scene. It isn't all fun and games. It's an adventure, yes, but it's also really dangerous and scary. It has taken me so long to finally like Peter. And I have to say, I think you'll be happy with what I do with him. He switches to a friend trying so hard to protect, to a man whose completely lost his way, then eventually to a person who realizes (or thinks) there's no hope and excuses his own terrible decisions. I really hate Peter sometimes, because he destroys all this. All of it. But for the sake of this story, I've managed to find a comfortable ground with him.

YOU THINK I WROTE SEVERUS WELL? Ah! Manno you have no idea what that means to me because he was, so far, the hardest character I've ever tried to write. And that's including Bellatrix (who comes in next chapter...mwahah) really, I spend longer on that one section than I've ever spent on an entire chapter. I wanted that perfect mix of - not comfortable, but not too awkward, not nice to one another but not unfriendly- It's been over a year sense the Mudblood incident, and I really believe Lily is over it by this point. But now both of them are going their own ways. Lily and Severus simply couldn't make this friendship work any longer. They were both too stuck in their own desires, their own ideas of how things should be, and like Lily thinks in this: He's a mater of the dark arts and his 'friends' would kill her because of her blood. There's just no moving forward from that. But I do believe that they both still mourned the loss of their friendship quite a bit. I think they assumed they'd have time to make up one day, Severus didn't realize what the world he idolized was really like, and Lily had no idea she'd be alive for only a four short years from this point.

Okay. I'm going to turn into a ball of mushy feels.. moving on..

HAHAHAH! The Quidditch scene had to be in there! But I know how you feel. I'm famous for skipping ahead in books to figure out what I want to know! Good job for reading the Quidditch scene ;). And it was worth it to get to see sexy in control leader James, right??

I wondered if that scene would come off as confusing. I'm glad you got it the second time, but I'll still look through it and see if there's anything I can do to smooth it out but still retain that sense of intense urgency. I actually ride motorcycles myself, so the feeling of flying through the streets and just needed to go faster is so familiar to me, that it was hard to tell if I understood it because I knew that, or because it made sense. Sirius was so angry :(. Poor guy :(.

Okay I already messaged you my Lily ramble. I hope that the message kind of helped you see it in a different light, but I also think I could make that more clear in this. And just make her shock more evident, then when she realizes what this all means, that they are actually *dead* and not coming back, I can show the beginning of her breaking apart. Okay, now you have my wheels turning. You wheel turner, you.

I am so happy this chapter didn't get boring! I always worry about that with these long ones. And that I put you through lots of feels! That was absolutely a goal with it ;).

Thank you so much for this awesome review, and for getting me thinking about those couple of things I could do to improve this chapter a bit. You're awesome, my dear!!!




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Review #21, by caoty 

3rd October 2012:
Holy mood whiplash, Batman. You've given me heart palpitations.

And Jesus Christ. Superstar. On ice. I did not see that plot twist coming. Props to you for that one, I literally had my hand over my mouth all oh god oh god nooo when it went all flashback and bleh.

This is probably my favourite chapter so far, and I'm really sorry I haven't been keeping up with this. Well done, Jami.

Author's Response: Caoty! Thanks so much for this awesome review. And I'm thrilled that you didn't see that coming, mwahah. I had a hard time not telling people what was really happening from the time that Sirius showed up with Lily. You are on chapter 8 of 9 (soon to be 10 when Validation puts it through) I'd say that's some really decent keeping up, m'dear ;).

I'm happy this was your favorite chapter, I'm still unsure about the length, but I refuse to split it.


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Review #22, by academica 

1st October 2012:
Hello Jami! I'm here at long last with your requested review. Thank you so much for being patient with me!

Before I dive in, I want to say thanks for being willing to consider Post Scriptum. I definitely understand wanting to keep your head canon separate from all that you read, so please take your time, but I'm so beyond excited to see what you think when the right time comes along :)

I LOVED the introduction here. You're really gotten to the core of Sirius's recklessness, and you've cast it in a really poetic and dark light. The transition into the scene in the Shack was quite flawless, too. I liked how you had separate scenes with (most) of the boys and the girls. It was nice to get a glimpse into their private lives and to see that they still can't resist wondering about each other. Margaret didn't feel too thrown in there to me, either, although I struggled a little with how to place her.

Jami, I adored your scene with Severus and Lily. (They don't have to be together, or even friendly, for me to enjoy reading about them.) I loved how you made him awkward and yet like he was still trying his best, still trying to reach her. I loved her, too, with her uncertain reaction--the gush of gratitude followed by that reluctance. They're disjointed and imperfect and I love them. Actually, my critique in that section has to do with Belle. This line--made it clear that she could be as dangerous as she was beautiful--made my Mary Sue flag go up. I think you should be careful to allow Belle to be ugly at times; her situation with her family is messy, but it's also pitiable, if you understand my meaning. She needs to have a few more not so lovable qualities, too, I think. The contrast between her and Alice was nice, though. Anyway, back to (anti?)-Snily feels: I thought the picture was a really sweet way to allude to all that.

The Quidditch scene felt a little tedious to me, but that's probably because I hate writing Quidditch-related scenes, and I understand why it was necessary to lead up to the big moment. So--

WOW. This chapter really just doesn't let go, does it? I had to re-read the section with the accident a few times to really get it, but man, poor Sirius. I kind of love how Lily stepped in to pick him up, to help him devise a story to cover up the real truth. At the same time, though, I think she needs a moment to be angry with him. It would be hard to be perfectly rational if something like this happened, or to side totally with one emotion. Some of that emotional lability I criticized in the beginning might actually fit very well here, or in the next few chapters to come--just an idea. I like that James is angry for her, but she needs it, too. Anyway, loved the description in that section, and I loved your characterization of Sirius. It was perfect.

James. I like his anger. I like that he falls apart. I just feel like maybe it wouldn't be so... pointed? It's like with Alice--she was just crying, in shock. I think James in shock would have been anger everywhere, not just at his best friend. I do think Sirius should have gotten the brunt of it, though, according to this version of James I'm envisioning. Therefore, this critique is only a little tiny one :)

I don't know how helpful this review is, but hey, I tried :) I liked the ending and I'm very curious to see what McGonagall will have to say next time.

Great job, lovely! Feel free to re-request!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Just so you know, I was glued in my car with my eyes huge reading this review. In a good way. A very good one.

I can't believe I didn't see the Mary Sue level I stepped in with that line, thank you for pointing it out. I think I'll instead change it to Lily thinking about how she was slightly irritated at Belle for acting that way, when it didn't really concern her. That way it will kind of show her outspoken attitude isn't always charming. Thank you for helping me brainstorm that! I'll of course add a credit to you in my AN for it ♥

AND YOU LIKE SNAPE. OH MY GOSH. You have no idea how worried I've been. I don't write Severus, so I was terrified that I got it all to 'feel' the right way, and you definitely made me think that I did. Phew. I want to hug you!

The Quidditch scene was tedious to write. Haha. I hate writing and reading it. I didn't even like it in the books. But like you said, it felt sort of necessary to make the entire Hogwarts feeling seem complete. And James in charge made my swoon just a bit ;).

So I made an original decision to have Sirius and Lily really talk about what happened after something (that is a secret) comes up to make them want to. I thought that maybe then I would have her admit that she was angry, incredibly angry, until she saw him waiting in the hospital. Do you think that is okay, or do you think not having those feelings in here make it too incomplete?

I like the idea of Anger everywhere, too. Especially at Remus when he tells him to back down.. it fells like it'd be appropriate.. again, I'll add a big credit to you for your help with this chapter ♥

I don't even know what else to say about this awesome review, except that you are one of the few people on this site who has truly made me a better writer. You've never CCed something of mine just because. Everything you suggest always makes me think of things in a different light, and really makes me be able to (hopefully) write with a stronger voice. I want to squeeze you!

PS! I think you'll end up liking Margret ;). Although I wasn't sure what I thought about her when she first cropped up, either.


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Review #23, by Athene Goodstrength 

30th September 2012:
Iím going to get my little queries and criticisms out of the way first:

Ďcotí we donít call it that. A cot is only something babies sleep in... we call them Ďcamp bedsí, if you mean a little put-me-up that is low to the ground, like a temporary bed.

I might be being silly, but is Margaretís sisterís name actually Edolie? Or do you mean Elodie?

We donít call them diapers over here - theyíre nappies (singular: nappy).

Workout pants - Do you mean like tracksuit bottoms (also known as trackie bottoms, jogging bottoms, in some cases tracksuit trousers)? Or the skinny, stretchy type? Either way - we donít say workout, we say exercise, and pants are always trousers or shorts. Unless theyíre knickers ;) Sorry Iím being such a horrible Britpicker!

We donít say Ďwreckí, unless itís a ship. We say Ďcrashí or Ďaccidentí.

Okay, on with the show.

Blimey! That first section. Very vivid. I could really feel Siriusís anger. I feel so sorry for him, trying to outrun his anger and sadness and not only failing miserably, but running into a whole new world of trouble.

When you move onto the next section, you do something very clever. Because of the mood of the first section, I expected the next section to be a quieter, calmer one; but no! Sirius awakes from his awful memories into another nightmare! We donít get a break! Itís relentless! ITíS GREAT!

ĎJames always sounded calmí - I donít know why, but this one bit of characterization really struck me as absolutely perfect. Oh, poor Peter... heís terrified. But doing the best he can... and then Sirius is so level-headed, and talented. I feel so bad for these poor young men, out in the shack all night, taking it in turns to sleep and to care for their friend. Now that I actually see it, via your story, surely Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey could have come up with something much better?! Poor boys. Such a responsibility.

Ah, now to something a bit quieter :P the Gryffie girls dorm sounds so warm and lovely. I was a little confused as to how Margaret appeared - firstly, in terms of the scene; did she just burst into the dorm? Was she in bed? Iím confused! And then, the only mention of her before now is back in chapter 3 I think, and it was just the information that she was the star beater of the Gryffindor team. I know you then go on to explain where sheís been and who sheís connected to - but itís quite confusing all the same. Iím not saying you need to go back and introduce her in an earlier chapter, just that if you clarified where and how she appears in this chapter, I could have coped with one level of confusion - not both! That said, I love perky little Margaret and the beautiful glimpse of the Weasleys she brings with her :) And then I laughed at the thought of Augusta lecturing Frank and Alice... particularly the little jab, ďAlice has the hips for it.Ē She was always a little mean, haha!

ĎEasier than getting a detention from Filchí is also great. Youíre really good at these turns of phrase; you always come up with great ones. I really like this look at Lilyís Hogwarts life. She has great friends, the younger kids know who she is, they have Ďthe boysí... itís really nice. Aand then thereís SEVERUS!

Woooah, I love the reactions to him. Alice being friendly, and Belle... oh my! And I really love the way you introduce him - his two simple words, then walking in silence. Itís perfect! Heís both sad and arrogant! And then the setting, the two of them wedged into an alcove behind a statue, itís very atmospheric and sad and sweet. You know how I feel about Snape/Lily, but this isnít that... this is Snape AND Lily and itís very touching. So Iím already feeling a bit wibbly and then it turns out that Severus is doing something very kind! Even if he feels awkward doing it. And itís such a sweet description of the photo; I particularly like the touch of Lilyís dad pulling a silly face. UGH, I feel so sorry for both Snape and Lily. But then thereís this line:
ďBecause he was Severus Snape, the Slytherin who mastered Dark Arts like it was as simple as breathing, and she was Lily Evans, the type of person that his kind sought to destroy.Ē
...and itís simple and itís true and itís devastating. Youíre GOOD, lady.

Onto the next section! (And I have no issues with the flow, you clearly mark out when the scene moves on) Ooh, James is a bit sexy when heís bossing people around and being all Captain-y. So, you do your brilliant little trick again - happy happy, fluffy fluffy and then BAM! ANGST! SECRETS! Lilyís blood turning to lead and Sirius looking distraught. I donít know if this is what some might see as an issue with Ďflowí, but to me itís actually very clever; because the shock of it makes *me* feel the sudden drop of the stomach, the fear stealing into a perfect day.

Okay, so now my review is going to jump a bit because I was riveted by the entire next section and couldnít commentate along the way. You are SO good at action sequences! And then the way you wrote Sirius trying to focus on details but not really able to - it was a perfect depiction of shock. Itís so sad! And finally answers... her parents were to blame too. But yeah, as far as Iím concerned, that girl in the car killed them. You donít run a red light, even if youíre chasing a sexy boy on a motorbike. My only slight criticism is that Sirius is more concerned about whether or not it was his fault than that Lily just lost both of her parents, so much so that she ends up consoling him. But Iím going to put that down to him being in shock ;)

And then the final section is just SO well written - even though itís small, I think it might be one of your best pieces of writing. The characterization and relationships are just perfect, completely spot-on. James getting angry reminded me of Harry, too. AND OH MY WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?! You are a mistress of suspense.

So much love for this! Ee!

Author's Response: First of all, I have to tell you that you were 200 characters off from being at the limit!! Haha! I copy and pasted the review into my pages to be able to read it while I respond, and I checked the characters.. and yeah. 5,840 or something like that. Crazy girl ♥

I've gone through and fixed my non Britishisms, and add your much deserved thanks in the AN for helping ♥

Yes! I loved that about the second section! He's woken up and thrown into a new nightmare. One where even James is getting nervous and Remus is bleeding and ah!

You have no idea how happy I am that you feel bad for them. Because the Marauders out there is always portrayed as such an exciting thing. In reality, Pomfrey and Dumbledore did their only option: put Remus (seemingly alone) in a shack to deal with it. The boys made sure he wasn't alone, but it didn't make it easier. It's scary! And I wanted to break apart the idea that it's just fun and games.

Your comments about Margaret really make sense. I think that I'll have Lily coming out of the washroom, tip-toeing because she isn't sure if anyone else is in their beds, then Margaret can come out and Lily can say something about trying to be quiet.. or something along those lines so we know that there is someone else in the dorm.. thanks for pointing out the confusion with that ♥

I was really worried about the Severus and Lily scene. You know that I would under no circumstances ship those two, or read something where they're shipped, but I just felt like leaving him out didn't work. I thought he would want to do something to cheer her up without really having to be the one to do it. So his mother sending a picture seemed to fit well. And then I wanted to make sure I brought home the reminder that these two were NEVER meant to be together. That Severus is so wrapped up in the Dark Arts, and his 'love' for Lily clearly wasn't enough to bring him away from that. And bahh. I get so worked up about this, haha.

James really is sexy as a captain, right??? I swooned a bit at his in charge attitude.

I'm still a bit unsure with what I did with Sirius in that section, also. I think I wanted to show that, despite the fact that Sirius is a very caring and good man, right here all he can think about is wondering if *he* killed someone. And Lily's parents, nonetheless. I was thinking about how he acts with Harry. He loves Harry so much, but he also suggests things that wouldn't be healthy for Harry. He wants Harry to be happy, and he wants himself to be happy, and he thinks that as long as he's doing what makes them happy its the right thing. That made me feel like, even though he's great, he does posses the ability to be unknowingly selfish. Which is kind of what I wanted to bring through in this. But did I make him seem to uncaring?? I'm messaging you about this, I've deciding. Haha.

YOU ARE THE BEST REVIEWER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND I COULD HUG AND HUG AND HUG YOU UNTIL WE'VE BEEN HUGGING FOR SO LONG THAT JACK GETS JEALOUS AND MAKES ME STOP.

This review was just what I needed ♥


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Review #24, by presi 

28th September 2012:
I have spent the past 3 days reading this story at any free minute I have. I love it so far! I really hope you won't abandoned it!!! Waiting eagerly for ur update and James and Lilly's 1st kiss!

MEL

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this awesome review! It has made my day! And I will absolutely NOT be abandoning it, I promise! It's also the first book of two, the next one will cover their time in the order and of course their short time as parents (sob!)

The next chapter is in the queue and should be up by today or tomorrow :)!!

Thanks again so much for reading!

Jami


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Review #25, by hazellily 

26th September 2012:
Oh no! First off I have just read your story and I am in LOVE with it. Secondly, I really feel for Sirius right now, how awful he must think of himself. your story is brilliant and I will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter!

Author's Response: You are so awesome! Thank you so much for the wonderful words!! The next chapter should be up by tomorrow!! :)

Jami


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