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29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sushmita 

17th February 2017:
Yours was a wonderful insight on how they changed into their animal and human forms. I don't think I had read about this in any other hpff till now and it was fantastic to read it from James' POV. I also liked the beginning where Sirius showed such a considerate side to Belle when she was in tears.

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

20th January 2015:
It was nice to know that, even though Alice and Frank’s feelings for one another were clear, Sirius cared enough to not want Alice hearing about some other guy liking her.

^ Loved that part.

Hey! Hey! It's been awhile. Excuse the short review but it's hard to copy and paste on this phone of mine. Wow, I will be honest I don't remember the first few chapters entirely. I know there's more to Belle's story and we have even scratched the surface yet so I don't think I have to go back.

Long chapter but easy read. Your words just flow wonderfully I find myself at the end when I feel like I just started at the beginning. More than anything what I enjoyed about this chapter was the friendship/family aspect because they're all very close their friendship moves on to a deeper level.

I want to know more about Belle of course but I think I'm just as interested in Sirius. Yeah, we may know his story and everyone elses but there's just a sense of him, his emotions, he's such a dimensional character that I can't get enough of him.

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Review #3, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
I adore Polly! She seems like the cutest thing and so determined to be apart of the team, she is definitely one of the most adorable characters I ever seen. I love the way Sirius is with her, is he good with kids? I wish he got to be a dad :( I have to say, one section of this chapter really stood out for me and that was that section where Sirius seems Belle at a very vulnerable time after she has received her sister's letter. I think he can really relate to her there with the family issues of having your family want to completely disregard you because of status. He is so sweet with her - I love how they have that mutual understanding at the end and then it's like 'let's get icecream' which is quite a teenager thing to say. I think we needed to be reminded there of their ages, which you did, because they have such deep problems and they're apart of the force keeping the deatheaters from harming students and...as you can tell I really liked this chapter. Loved that part in italics where you talk about them in animagus form, that was a great section.

Author's Response: Polly is a little cutie, isn't she? I thought she would annoy me at first, but she ended up being too determined to be irritating. To me, at least :P

yes!! Having Belle and Sirius come from similar background and understanding what it's like to be through what they've been through is a huge deal to me. I'm sure Sirius could have fallen in love with some sweet girl who could try and help him, but I think it would have been a more true relationship between someone who understood it all. Ahh I'm so excited to see what you think about them as they start growing a bit closer and as you learn more about Belle's background!

I feel like I must sound so rambly, but I can't help it! You're making my brain too happy to think!!!


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Review #4, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

7th July 2013:
Hey, Jami! :D

I love your descriptions! It's so easy to imagine what is happening in my head when I read, which makes if creepier sometimes. But that is so cool!

I'm glad the first part is in Lucius' PoV; it's interesting to get his views on the war. That's he wants to feel what they're feeling, he can't completely. Even though he tries to justify himself, that he's happy about the mission but it's dangerous, to me that shows how easy he'll be able to lie and walk away once Voldemort is gone and why he'll be able to in the Battle of Hogwarts (well, that and Draco). This is how I see Lucius, the one who can't completely be a Death Eater, but tries out of fear. I don't know if you think the same or similar, and that's cool if not, but it's just what your writing reminded me of and I really liked reading his PoV. :D

I'm scared for this family. ;(

Every time I read Remus, I just want to hug him. It doesn't matter why happens, I just be like, "I love you!" I'll rarely let go, you have to give me a really good reason to. :P Just thinking about the change he has to go through makes me sad. I was ready to go you awesome werewolf, then I read the first of many injuries and sadness came. Poor boy!

I love that James is giving Polly a chance! Gah, you make me love them more and more! And I thought my love for them couldn't get any bigger! :P

Sirius is so sweet, looking out for Alice like that.

Damn, James for interrupting. Lily's thoughts were getting interesting. ;)

Lily wants to be a healer? I've never actually thought about that, but it just makes so much sense to me. Lily would have been an amazing healer... See the would have been? ;(

Sirius and Belle sitting in a tree... :P I love them!

And now I love them even more! Sirius was so nervous and unsure around her, but he helped her anyway and asked her about talking about it. He's just so sweet and good (and people think he goes bad? Ha! They know nothing! *squishes Sirius and pretends that Peter doesn't go bad*). And I really do not like her sister, but I'm more curious than ever to know why Belle left. I hope I'm able to catch up soon!

It's cool that there's a program for potential Aurors and that there's actually homework and stuff. And it's also cool that even though Sirius complains a bit, he's enjoying the program, despite having to work hard for it. The thought of more homework would probably put me off. :P

I felt like I was a part of their big secret when they all came up with reasons to leave. I read Lily coming up with a reason as to why his smile wasn't genuine and I wanted to giggle madly while thinking I know! Then go back to hugging Remus.

The Animagus forms!!! I was SO EXCITED to read that part. They're names, they're animal selves, it's amazing magic and their... thing. Something special for Remus. I always love reading it and I'm so glad you included it. It makes me a little sad that there is so much bad in the world that the thought of sometimes not being human comes to their mind, but understandable, I think. I've imagined them thinking that. And I loved that it was in italics, it helps to show the difference between human and animal.

Loved this chapter so much, Jami!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi again m'dear! I was just thinking how I wanted to review the next SL chapter! I have a bit of downtime in work in about an hour, yay!

I really try and get a good balance in the descriptions. Enough to get what's going on, but not enough to bore the reader. I'm so happy you liked them!

Your thoughts on Lucius absolutely mirror mine. I think he wants what being a DE brings (respect, safety, others fearing him, getting to look down on Muggles) but I don't think he's nearly as devoted as his sister-in-law and has no issues turning a blind eye and lying through his teeth to save his skin, his family and his reputation.

Remus definitely deserves all your hugs ♥ And I'm excited you liked James giving Polly a chance! I really had fun writing that section, haha!

Belle's story is, oddly, one that sort of popped up even before I really began working on this. Everything about her is one of the few story lines I had completely set in stone from the start, and I'm so anxious to see what you think of her past when that comes out!!

I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, but that program and a certain few students who end up in it soon is how I was able to justify tweaking with Alice and Frank's ages a bit. Not that we were ever given a canon age for them, but they were well known aurors by the time they died so I figured they'd get an early start.

Of course none of that has come up yet and I'm giving stuff away, so I'll just shut myself up about that :P!

I KNEW you'd like the Animagus part!! I'm so excited you did!! I really wanted a set way for them to switch back and forth. The idea of having to *want* to be an animal, having to force your body to dislike being a human so much that it switched, then having to do the opposite for turning into a human and having to think about how much they love their human life, made sense to me and totally just stuck! You'll sort of see through this that I have love making up reasons behind certain canon magic. I probably get a bit carried away sometimes. Well, most of the time :P!!

THANK YOU so much for another awesome review! You're so perceptive and pick up on so many things, that replying to them is such an awesome treat!

♥ Jami


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Review #5, by nott theodore 

19th June 2013:
The sections with the Death Eaters are so interesting! It's really great getting another perspective on the war, even if it is quite chilling to see the preparations of Voldemort and his most trusted servants. The juxtaposition of Lucius' fear with Bellatrix's fervour was brilliant in the opening part of this chapter. Bellatrix always seems much more committed to the actual cause than Lucius, who always seems to be out to serve himself more than anything else.

I love the way that the boys are so protective and loyal and just such good friends, not only with each other but they look after the girls too now that they've been absorbed into their group. It makes me want to be friends with them all too! Another element I liked here was the way that James and Lily are so aware of each other, like Lily noticing when he steals Alice's tart, and their more playful interaction with each other here.

Sirius and Belle! Oh, they're so cute! I loved Sirius trying to convince himself that it was perfectly normal for him to want a moment alone with one of his friends, it's so realistic. And then he found poor Belle with that letter, which was simply horrible. I'm really intrigued by her situation and what it was that actually happened in the past to cause her to leave Beauxbatons and come to Hogwarts. It seems like she and Sirius have some similarities in their family backgrounds, and I think they'll make a really cute couple. I hope they get together!

"Blue against grey. Steel against sky." - this line was just so perfect and I don't really know what to say about it but I had to mention it here because I love it so much.

I've never seen a story which dives in depth into the transformation process and I found it really fascinating to read about here. The idea of writing from James' POV when he's a stag is brilliant! You've put so much thought and detail into it and it really shows and that sort of thing always makes a story so much more enjoyable for me to read. I like the way that they have to think more animal thoughts to transform into their Animagus form, and then shift to human thoughts to change back. I also like the idea that they've put more preparation into it, by working out the spells necessary to help someone if they're stuck in their animal form.

The last part also had a brilliant balance between humour and pain. I'd never thought that there might be one full moon that's actually worse than the others - poor Remus! You could obviously sense the agony of Remus' transformation into a wolf but also there were comical moments. James' thought about his antlers growing had me laughing - it seemed like a very James thing to think!

Another amazing chapter! This is such a compelling story!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Yay another Sian review!! ♥

I've already rambled to you about what a sucker I am for those DE sections. I agree with Bellatrix in the books always seeming so much more committed. I think she's one of the few that is doing this for no other reason than because she enjoys it, and wants to please Voldemort. Where a so many of the DE I think they hate muggle borns, but they also want the power, the safety, the respect.

I'm so happy you think Sirius and Belle are cute together so far!! The rest of her story comes out in chapter 13. I'm super excited to see what you think of it! She was one of the first ideas I had for this story, though that won't make sense why until we get to the very end. I'm zipping my lips now before I accidentally give stuff away, ahah.

I'm such a sucker for inventing ways that things we know about could have happened. I'm glad that you like the details of their transformation instead of it just being boring, because sometimes I struggle with knowing if I'm going *too* far into something and making it dull or not, haha.

Aww Sian I can't even tell you how much it means that you're still liking it. I'll always be so self conscious about the first 4 or 5 chapters, because I was just so much more clueless starting out than I am know, and the fact that you kept reading on through those and are still interested in this makes me feel so warm and fuzzy. And usually coffee is the only thing that can make me warm and fuzzy at 9 o'clock in the morning :P!

Thank you again so much! ♥


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Review #6, by FallenTruths 

29th May 2013:
Hi Jami!

You mentioned that Chapter 7 was one of your favorites so far, and I can definitely see why! With every chapter we get to see the personalities of the characters develop more and more along with their relationships with each other. I really enjoy seeing the Marauders bond with people outside the group, especially the girls. The scenes with the death eaters have been a favorite of mine as well. This is a unique time for many of the future top death eaters since they are still working on proving themselves to Voldemort and don't yet have the full power they have in the Hogwarts era.

I absolutely loved the opening paragraph of this chapter. Your in-depth description of the naked branches of the elm tree swinging back and forth was so lovely. I know in a novel you don't have as many opportunities to fit description focused paragraphs in, but I'm glad you included that in this opening. You know how much I love some good descriptions! Getting into the first scene I really enjoyed how you're stuck with showing us the more vulnerable side to the death eaters. It’s a good reminder that Voldemort and his followers were not always that strong, and they certainly had to build up their strength and power before the culmination of the war.

There were a few typos I thought I would point out -

"He was concentrating intensely at they greying night sky."
"But before she could even begin to wonder about the look, it was as gone."
"He needed time adjust to seeing this more fragile side of Belle."
"It was odd to know the turns and twists of someones personality"
"What Remus's transformation started early?"
"Apart and together, apart and together with the rhythm of a his pounding heart"

I find it a little ironic that Belle's family was visiting Louisville and betting on the Triple Crown races. Did you get this idea from that novel you were talking about written by Nora Roberts? That's funny we were just talking about it and now it popped up in a chapter! I really liked how Belle and Sirius were able to bond through their difficult relationship with their families. It's very fitting that they would have a close bond due to how similar their pasts are. I can't wait to find out even more about what happened to Belle.

I love how you described the slight awkwardness of the group after they all transformed. I can imagine James almost poking Sirius with his antlers and Peter scurrying around beneath them trying not to get crushed. Peter flicking his tail as the signal for the all clear was adorable! I also thought it was interesting how you had James fill himself with the love of his family to transform back into a human, similar to an animagus. I wasn't expecting him to picture the opposite of love like the war and the painful emotions brought on by humanity to transfer to his animagus form though. That's a very creative way to describe the transformation. I really enjoyed how the readers got to see so many different sides to the story in this chapter! Wonderful writing. =)

Alli

Author's Response: Alli Alli Alli!

Yes, this chapter was one that I enjoyed writing almost more than any. The MoonyWormtailPadifootandProngs section was just so much fun for me. I love giving reasons behind the things JKR shows us, so exploring different things that the boys had to do to get into and out of their animal forms was a lot of fun for me. I remember Sirius having no trouble changing in Azkaban, so it's obvious you don't need a wand, so the emotion behind the magic is sort of what I decided to play on. I'm not sure if it makes much sense to anyone else but me, but oh well :P!

I really like those chances that I do get to be a bit more descriptive. Setting the scene is always a lot of fun, and I'm so happy you liked this one and didn't feel like it was over done or anything! I spent so long googling trees in the UK to decide on what kind to use, hahaha.

Thank you for the typos! Heading over right now to edit them in!!

Hahahaha well since I knew nothing about the Triple Crown races before reading her Irish Thoroughbred series, I'm guessing that's a safe bet :P! I wanted there to be a reason that Belle's sister was writing in English and not French though, or at least a way to show why that she knows English well, and I thought having just been in the States would be reason enough for her to still have our language stuck in her mind :P! And THEN I was trying to think of why a very wealthy newlywed couple would be in the states, and the triple crown popped up :P! hahaha. My brain is an odd place.

Eeek I'm so excited to see what you think of Belle's story when we get there!

ALLI you just called something Peter did adorable!! Look at you, getting all soft :P. I'm really excited you like the Animagus to human and back reasoning, and relieved that it makes sense to someone else besides me, haha!

Thank you so much for another awesome review ♥ AND GOOD MORNING. And tomorrow is Friday!


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Review #7, by WeasleyTwins 

15th May 2013:
Hi darling! I should be working on chapter three of TS, but I figured this was a much better way to spend half an hour! And it certainly was!

Okay, so you know how I love the snippets of the Death Eaters. Love, love it! I really like how you give us that glimpse into Lucius's mind - I've always thought that he was never truly enthused about Voldemort and you just confirmed my head canon! And that brief moment with Bellatrix - gosh, thought I would die. I'm supposed to hate her, but I'm oddly fascinated with her obsession with Voldemort and her twisted psyche. The entire section was brilliant. Just brilliant. Great description and characterization all-around.

I did notice one tiny (very miniscule) thing - aren't Lucius's eyes grey? I checked and the HP wiki said that they were, but it's your story and your creative license, so feel free to ignore me.

I'm really jealous of your dialogue. It is so good, Jami, so good. Are you sure you don't whip up these chapters in like an hour and then send them in all perfectly wrapped in a bow? I think you do. Oh, and this last section with the four in their forms! Oh. My. Holy. Harry. Potter. Where did you get the idea to write it from James's POV while he's in form? That is so genius. It was honestly fascinating and I was enthralled the entire time.

"Blue against grey. Steel against sky." - That last sentence, Jami. Don't ask me why, but my heart skipped a beat and...I think this is your shining star here. You know I always find the smallest things and think they're the best and this is one of them. It's short and striking. Steel against sky. It's more than the color of their eyes, but describes their personalities so well and in only three words. Three words. At the same time, they could be only one or they could be both. The steel of Sirius's resolve against Voldemort and the Death Eaters, to his need for freedom, for the sky. It's all so perfect. I can't handle it. SO MANY FEELS.

This review didn't make a bit of sense, it's just a squee. One big fangirlish squee. I can't wait to get to the next chapter!

Shelby

Author's Response: Shelby!! How am I supposed to respond to such a completely amazing review?

Bellatrix is one of my very favorite characters to write. It was hard to not go with her PoV for this chapter, but I do like getting a bit from all different Death Eaters. And I wanted to show a more... sane perspective on what was happening, haha. But I totally get what you mean about not hating Bellatrix, because she's so, so fascinating! For me, she and the rest of the Death Eaters are a really nice way to balance out the Marauders not really understanding how bad things are outside of the castle.

I'm so happy you liked my descriptions! That's such an awesome compliment coming from you ♥

Haha yes, I'm pretty sure you're correct and Lucius's eyes are grey. Why I decided they're blue, I have no idea :P. Thank you m'dear!

Aww! You're going to turn me all mushy! How am I supposed to respond to your amazing compliments? Can I just sit here and grin like an idiot?

I had so much fun writing them transfigure into their animal selves. And putting a sort of... method behind it. I think that what they become is such a huge part of all the boys, that I really didn't want to just skim past their transforming. I'm so happy you liked that section!!

Aw Shelby!!! I'm so excited that you like that line! Actually I'm just on cloud nine with this entire review. Belle and Sirius have become one of my favorite parts about writing this story. And now with all your sweet words you're giving ME SO MANY FEELS!

Thank you so much Shelby ♥ ♥


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Review #8, by shadowcat2 

24th April 2013:
I really like how you described the transformation process. It was totally different and very realistic. The whole chapter was amazing as always. :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really wanted to describe the process since it seems glossed over pretty often. It was fun to make up... I think tweaking magic might be one of my favorite parts of writing HPFF :P!

Thank you again! I'm so happy liked this chapter!! ♥
Jami


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Review #9, by Courtney Dark 

23rd April 2013:
I absolutely loved this chapter - it had so many moments of perfection! (And there I go again, using 'I loved' for the billionth time. Maybe I need to expand my vocabulary...)

You write Bellatrix amazingly well. It's kind of creepy to see how devoted she was to her master, even in the earlier stages of being a Death Eater. And I liked how your write Lucius too, with that faint tinge of nervousness which is often evident in the Harry Potter books, especially in the last one.

I adore (it just doesn't work the same as love) how you so seamlessly switch points of view throughout this chapter and all the chapters, giving us insight into the minds of many different characters. It's unique and individual and makes this marauders story one of a kind. In fact, this is probably the best marauders story I've ever read, especially in terms of characterization.

Aw, I just love Belle and Sirius. That scene between them was absolutely perfect and it was certainly interesting to get a glimpse, even though it was a minuscule one, into Belle's life and start finding out the reasons for her transferring to Hogwarts. I definitely think she is a great character. I like that she has this air of mystery surrounding her. She and Sirius would make the perfect couple!

The way you wrote the transformation was brilliant! James' thoughts and feelings as a stag were fun to read, and I enjoyed the process they had to go through to get into the shrieking shack. And the last line really tied the chapter together so well.

I don't know how you do it, but you just keep getting better and better!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: No! No need to expand your vocabulary :P! Really though, I feel like I must sound like a broken record answering your responses. I just don't know any better ways to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to review and how ecstatic I am that you're enjoying it ♥

Showing everything that's going on with the characters and their world is something that's really important to me. I remember wishing in the HP books we would get to see things through someone else's eyes, and though it doesn't make for as short of a story as it would be if it were just Lily, the fact that you think it's unique makes me so happy ♥ And wow... what am I supposed to say to that?! I love the Marauders so much, that your compliment just makes me want to turn to mush. When I melt, you better come find me and put me back together! haha!

I'm so happy you're still liking Belle! I think it's chapter 13 that tells her full story... whichever one is titled 'Revelations.' And I'm really excited to hear your opinion on that :D!!

The transformation was something I was looking forward to do for a while. I feel like their transformation was skimmed over so often, and I wanted to give a feeling behind it so I can't tell you how happy I am that you liked it ♥

Okay, I don't even know what to say anymore except for THANK YOU. ♥


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Review #10, by patronus_charm 

28th February 2013:
Hey Jami!

I’m actually incapable of not leaving a review on a chapter I’ve just read, because if I don’t I feel as if I have all these thoughts bubbling away inside of me, and I don’t know what to do with them all! So you can expect more reviews :D

And we’re back to the death eaters! I’ve never seen a Jilly where there’s a shift in the perspective and flashbacks and I’m so glad that you’ve done it here, as it seems to add something special to the story and makes it unique.

You write Bellatrix really well! Her insane levels of devotion to Voldemort make me laugh, as she doesn’t realise how stupid she looks :P I feel rather sorry for poor old Rodolphus though, as he’s meant to be married to her, yet she blatantly prefers a guy with no nose!

I really liked the quidditch scene, and it was really great that you managed to spilt the time equally between all of the characters. That way we get to learn about all of them, and it’s easier to decide who your favourites are (Belle for me at the moment), and who seems most canon ect.

I really like Belle in this chapter; she reminds me a lot of Fleur! Imagine if they’re related, that would be so cool! You have the French haughtiness down well, yet though she does seem independent at times, I can tell that she is really kind, by the way she was healing Remus, and her little moments with Sirius are très cute!

I liked Polly as well, she made me laugh by being so blunt. I think the best part was when she mentioned to Alice how her brother was surprised that he had never made her fall for him. Then Sirius’s reaction to it all! He really does act like an overprotective brother at times, but then I guess it shows what a great friend he is.

It was so sweet to see how dedicated Lily was to her dream, the way she spent her summer at St Mungos. It really fitted in with the kindness everyone remembers her for, and that as well would make her a great healer, as everyone loves a friendly doctor!

I thought Sirius was going to ask Belle out to the Hogsmeade weekend then, but then he had to go and comfort her. Poor him, a guy connecting with his feelings, how shocking! I’ve been looking forward to learning more about Belle’s background though, so I was glad that we could find out more about it here.

It made me wonder how Belle ended up there in the first place, if it brought so much shame upon their family. It made me understand more about the family dynamics though, and I liked how you referred to the darkness building up in Britain. I always wondered how other countries viewed what was happening here, so it was interesting to find out.

I was naïve enough to think that they were actually going to annoy Madam Pomfrey!

I really liked the transformation scene though, as it was always one of the coolest parts of the books, I mean they got to turn into animals! It was serious obviously due to the danger Remus posed, but it was funny at the same times, especially James’s mention about his antlers.

Usually when I read a +6000 word chapter, I’m dying to get to the end, due to my lack of concentration skills, yet in every single chapter in this story you’ve held my concentration throughout!

Another excellent chapter!

-Kiana :D

P.S. sorry the reviews seem to be getting longer and longer ;D

Author's Response: I have so many delicious reviews from you to respond to! Eek! You're just making my life right now, you know?

I'm so happy you think the perspective changes add something special. I really wanted to make this a Marauders fic that gives you all angles. Not just 'boy falls for girl girl falls for boy' or 'friends play prank' I wanted to do it all. The friendships, the relationships, and the darkness that eventually kills all of that. Okay. I'm rambling. Back to your review.

I'm so glad you're liking Belle so far!! She's honestly grown really close to me. Her full story comes out in a few... 13 I think. That's so awesome you said that about Fleur!! Originally, I did have them related!!! I love writing Fleur so much, so that's why I wanted to write someone French, and I decided it would be fun to tie into Fleur. So in the first plans of this story Fleur's mother had an older sister, and Belle was that older sister's daughter! I ended up deciding to do away with that, because of certain things that come up later on. But I just really love that you've seen similarities with her and Fleur, haha.

I think that the transformation weekends would have really been such a crazy mixture of fun and excitement, while still posing danger. We know that they can't turn into werewolves if bitten while they're animals, but they could still get seriously hurt. But I didn't want to make it all too serious, so I'm glad you liked the lighter touches ♥

I can't tell you how much it means that you don't think the chapters feel long. I absolutely get carried away, and I try my best to cut them down, but I feel a lot better knowing they aren't a struggle to get through!

Thank you so much for continuing my little story, Kiana ♥


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Review #11, by ValWitch21 

6th February 2013:
Belle and Sirius, Sirius and Belle... I'm almost -- almost -- liking them more than James and Lily.

Bellatrix was horrifying again. How do you manage to make her so cold?

I also just want to give you the thumbs up for actually writing a scene from an Animagus point of view, because it's often overlooked, which I think is a pity. As always, dear, you pulled it off brilliantly.

I'm in a kind of puddle of admiration tinged with jealousy here.

&hearts

Author's Response: I really have a lot of fun with Belle and Sirius. You already know their deeper connection, how they both sort of understand one each other because they come from dark places, and it just makes me happy to think that, for a while, Sirius really had it all. Well, not quite yet, but soon enough ;).

Ahh yay I'm so happy you liked the Animagus scene! I worry about that one still. I can't even tell you how much your compliments are making me smile. I probably look like a crazy person. I'm lucky there's no one here to see me right now :P

Thank you so, so much ♥


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Review #12, by Pixileanin 

6th January 2013:
Oh goodness, it's Bellatrix, fawning over the Dark Lord! I love how you drew us into the scene, literally through the window even. Lucius' caution and his hesitancy was definitely in character, for me at least. I found that his wish to have Bellatrix's eagerness a bit disturbing. Maybe he'd feel that way at this age, being younger and still sold on the whole blood purity thing. Yes, I believe he would be.

That whole scene with Sirius and Belle was my favorite in this chapter. I loved the tension between the two of them and the way that Sirius discovers (with us) more about this girl and how she needs him more as a friend right now than anything else and how he's willing to be that for her. Here, I'm wondering how much she knows about his situation and how parallel they are. Sirius knows, of course, but I can't remember how much Belle has discovered about him. She's a transfer student and I guess I'm bad at recalling details from your last few chapters about that. Maybe he will have an opportunity to share more later? Anyway, I am certainly even MORE curious about Belle's background now.

Remus' feint about his wrist was a nice ploy to get all of the boys out of the dorm without the girls suspecting much.

I chuckled at James' amazement when he made that comment about his growing antlers. It was such a James thing to think. I think I might chuckle at it tomorrow too.

"The September full moon, the largest of the year - elegant and beautiful to most people. To the four of them, it was a mixture of Hell and adrenaline."

The way you had James think about his transformation was fascinating. I loved how it tied in to the act of being human for him to turn into one, and how he recalled being the animal that helped him make the shift back.

Again, another lovely chapter with engaging characters that I want to return to.

Until next time,

pix

Author's Response: I kind of, in my head, have Belle knowing most of what the rest of the group does. But because that's in my head and not in the story, it definitely makes sense why you wouldn't know how much she knows of Sirius's home life :P. I'm going to sneak that in there somewhere.. hahah

Belle is one of those characters that I feel like I can take everything else out on. When Lily wouldn't do something because she's too respectful, Belle would because she doesn't give a damn. When Alice wouldn't make a comment because it would be unkind, Belle will because she could care less about being kind to people she doesn't care for. And yeah. She's just the one that makes me stay sane with Alice and Lily's sweet little-nesses.

James would be delighted if you just continued chuckling about his horn length! Although, he's not thrilled because he says you clearly don't understand how difficult it is to adjust to something sticking of your head. Women.. don't know nothin'

Okay. I'm clearly too tired to be responding to reviews and not making sense. Thank you so much for this amazing review, m'dear ♥



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Review #13, by Roots in Water 

12th December 2012:
Hello! I'm here to return your lovely review! It appears that I'm finally catching up with the chapters in this story (though not really... There's still another six unread ones...)

I really enjoyed this chapter. Though it still provided some light-hearted elements, it also brought a more serious tone back into the story- the unfortunate reminder that they're living in the beginning of a war.

I thought that your Death Eater scene at the beginning of the chapter was well done. I liked how you contrasted the setting with the outdoor setting of Hogwarts by comparing the lighting. Though subtle, it really helped to set the scene. As well, I think that you did a great job with your characterization of the Death Eaters. Though I was a little surprised one or two times by the manner in which Lucius acted (for example, his envy of Bellatrix's excitement), I soon remembered that we were reading a younger Lucius, a less controlled Lucius, and the pieces fell back into place again.

For the most part, I think that you did a fantastic job capturing Voldemort's character (he is another tough one to write well, don't you think?). However, one line stuck out for me as a little out of place coming from Voldemort's mouth: "Rodolphus - go over it again". The "go over it again" sounded a little informal and it sounded a little lenient as well. I would change the phrasing to something more strict and menacing... Perhaps "Repeat what I have said so that I can be assured that it has sunken into your brain" (I don't know...).

It was really nice to see the two groups interact again so well and their introductory scene was a nice transition from the next chapter. It was also sweet to see how a younger student viewed the "big and bad" seventh years. Poor James, frightening her with his silence.

The scene between Belle and Sirius was very touching. It was very sweet to see how Sirius feels and treats her differently than other girls and recognizes that he may feel more than just friendship for her... They looked so close to kissing in that section but I'm glad you didn't have them kiss because once again it wasn't the best time. Belle had just received bad news and their relationship probably would've headed straight for the rocks if they'd begun it then.

As well, I liked your introduction to Belle's family problems. It was slightly mysterious, since the letter referred to some things that we didn't have knowledge of, but it also provided more information on her family. So her family has a high position in French society? Interesting... That would provide some more explanation as to why she has more proper manners (among other things). As well, now I'm really curious to learn about the incident that drove her from her family's side (or was it a series of incidents?) :D

I noticed a few mistakes as I read through the chapter that I'll point out now. To begin, with the phrase "wind, they", "they" should either be the beginning of a new sentence or preceded by a semi-colon. As well, with the phrase "Lily was positive she nor Sirius would admit it" there should be a "neither" in front of "she" and with "shooting his teams directly" it should be "team's". With the phrase "but be happy at James decision" it should be "with James'" (forgot the apostrophe) and with "nominate first and second years" it should be "to nominate" (infinitive of verb). With the phrase "result of a busy day, at least that's" I would use a semi-colon instead of a comma and with "memories brunt away" I believe it's "burnt". Finally, with "Dungeons, the Heads", I would change comma to semi-colon or add "as" in place of comma.

All inall, I think that you did a fantastic job with this chapter and I look forward to reading more about the adventures of the Marauders and the girls. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hi darling!! I'm so happy you liked the first section. I really enjoy adding the DE element to it. And Voldemort is very, very difficult for me. He and Dumbledore the top two, so I'm happy he seemed right for the most part! The sentence you pointed out does sound a bit relaxed now that I read it. Thank you for suggesting an alternative!

Younger Lucius and Bellatrix have both been a challenge, a fun one though. But I really want to capture how, at one time, Lucius's desire to be the most devoted, to be able to do the most unspeakable asks without blinking an eye lid, were very real and not as subdued as his later years. And Bellatrix, who is obviously as loyal and excited as ever, doesn't have the same sort of control she had in present day. She isn't able to contain her own emotions, her own excitement for even being around him. I'm happy that it made sense once you weighed in the de-aging aspect!

I'm so happy that you liked learning a bit more about Belle! You finally see the entire story in chapter 13. And... it was one exact incident but with the combination of a lifetime of incidents... it that makes sense. The reason for her leaving was one thing, but that one thing probably never would have happened if she hadn't had a lifetime of being raised the way she was. Okay. I'm shutting up now so you can find out for yourself in..6 chapters :P

Ahh thank you for pointing those out, and perfect timing as I'm just about to go through the most updated version of the chapters and back them up! Thank you again so much for pointing out the errors instead of just telling me they are in there, because I'd probably look right past them on accident during another proof read!

I'm so happy you liked this chapter! It was one of my favorite to write. Especially getting to finally show a transformation scene!

Thank you again, m'dear ♥


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Review #14, by LovlyRita 

8th December 2012:
CHAPTA 7! HOLLA ATCHA GURL! I don't know why I'm gangsta today. Roll with it, ya feel me? :P

Also, I'm gonna do another review as you go things because then I'll remember everything I wanted to say :)

Ok, love the first paragraph. I often start stories this way, discussing the landscape of the place I'm in. You do it better though, I love the imagery and description, you never disappoint in that department :)

Ok, I ADORE how you've described Bellatrix's hair as a "Crazed mass of curls." That's totally my hair right now, not even playing. I often feel like my hair is crazed, and we ALL know Bellatrix's is def. crazed!

Ok so this death eater part, I just thought...I wonder what Voldemort looked like before he became an icky snake. I saw your description, which was very good, but it made me think about what he actually appeared like. You've made me think critically this morning, well done :)

Ok, so I've kept reading instead of writing because I couldn't stop reading, my bad :) The whole thing with Belle and her family, it's so sad but it's exactly up Sirius' alley. He knows exactly what it feels like. It's like these two were made for each other! I especially like how he showed restraint with his anger, because that rarely if ever happens. I like the dynamic that the two of them have together. The whole competitive thing, and then this side. Truth be told though, I think the two of them would kill each other in a long term relationship. They are so alike, even though you are rooting for them to get together and such, I feel like it's like mixing gasoline and fire. One of the great romances, you know :)

Oh I love the bit with them changing, the way you describe the change of the body's cells, it's a really good descriptive detail and surprisingly something I had not done before. It must be hard on the body to do that. I liked the use of memories to change. That was a really great detail that you added in, and it's cool that they can retain a sense of self while changed into the animals. I also like how it's just the four of them, something they share. Too many stories are so quick to immediately bring Lily into the circle, but I like how you continue to exclude her. It really gives the sense of friendship and closeness, that these four boys will do anything together and for each other.

Brilliant chapter, loved it! I could probably drone on and on about the attention to detail, the great narration, the seamless transitions of points of view so we get the whole story, but i think I've said all that in previous reviews! Another solid addition to a very compelling story :)

Ash

Author's Response: Yay gangster!! Uhh... Hey home slice :). Hahha I never said I was a good gangster, Ash!!

Hahah I felt like Bellatrix's hair should absolutely be as crazy as her!

I always wonder that as well in regards to what Voldemort looked like. By now he's split his soul, so he can't look normal. But he also hasn't done all his voodoo blood and flesh stuff to bring himself back to life.. I actually always shy away from really describing his features. Maybe I should put my big girl pants on and give it a try..

I'm so happy you liked finding a bit more out about Belle! Chapter 13 is when she really does her tell all. With those two, obviously I'm not going to say exactly what happens just now, but I do make it clear why there isn't a Belle waiting for him outside the gates of Azkaban :P

I'm so happy you liked the transformation section. I really wanted to have a *way* that they change each time. I mean, you're rearranging the make up of your entire body! Even after getting the initial spell or whatever to create the ability to do it, it still couldn't be a walk in the park. So yeah, I did the mind over matter route. :P that they'd have to actually make themselves want to change to change, and I'm so happy you like the addition of that. It was one of those.. Well some people won't like it.. Things but then I just thought, to heck with it (yay me for reminding 12+!) it makes sense in my head so who cares if other people don't like it :P

Your reviews are amazing. It's so awesome to find someone that leaves great reviews and writes very compelling stories. Because now I'm just going to stalk you for all of hpff eternity. Mwahahaha. Umm.. Was that a bit creepy? Sorry.. *ninja face*

Jami


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Review #15, by MissMdsty 

11th November 2012:
I'm really liking your descriptions in this chapter. I could almost feel the wind blowing and hear the trees and at the very end when Remus started transforming even my back started making a very unpleasant sound.

We have Voldemort and Bellatrix in this chapter and I think I know who it is they are planning to kill, though I'll wait and see if I'm right.

Another thing I liked about this chapter is how Isabelle's mask suddenly started cracking in front of Sirius and he got to see her without her perfect make up and with her guard down. Nobody likes an OC that can do no wrong! =) There's a story there that I'm really eager to learn.

Author's Response: This one was so fun for me to write! I loved giving the transformation a reason, a way that it occurred, and writing the descriptions that surrounded that.

You might just be right on who they're planning to kill.. you find out in chapter 9! I'm excited to see if your guess was correct :)!

Yes!! We finally start seeing the cracks in Belle. I'm actually writing the chapter that goes into a lot of detail about her character right now, hopefully it will be published by Wednesday! Although I might split it into two.. anyway! Again, I know I've said this a thousand times now, but I really am so thankful that you stopped by ♥

And! It reminded me to go check out your AP and now that I've devoured your Twin Cores story, I've started your Sirius/OC and that's one I'm really excited to continue with!

Thank you so much for stopping by ♥



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Review #16, by shadowycorner 

2nd November 2012:
Your descriptions are so amazing it makes me die! I enjoyed reading that little moment between Belle and Sirius. Made me curious about her character and background. I was so worried when I first read about the beautiful Beauxbatons transfer, but I'm really starting to like her. She's so genuine.

Also, the bit in which Sirius did something unusual for him, he waited, was spot-on. Sirius is this rash, reckless type, and showing this type of patience proves he cares about Belle to a certain extent.

Animagus scene was wonderful. I loved reading it from beginning to end. All the rushing thoughts going through James' heads, paralleling with his running through the woods...it was exquisite.

Author's Response: Belle is awesome. I promise that by chapter... (looks at outline).. 16 you'll really love this girl. At least.. I hope ;)

I'm so happy you picked up on that with Sirius! I just want to change Belle's name to Jami sometimes, so I can pretend that I get him all to myself ;)

I was worry about the Animagus scene. I know we're never told just how they transform in and out, but I wanted to give it a reason. And it made sense for me that you'd have to make yourself want to leave your true human form. I'm so happy you liked that!

Thank you again so much for stopping by ♥


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Review #17, by Remus 

10th October 2012:
Hellooo!

Finally! I've made it to the next chapter! :D

The first part with Lucious was awesome! You definitely managed to get his and Bella's character perfectly. Bellatrix still makes me laugh. I don't know why...her eagerness to please Voldemort, the way she behaves. Gotta love that nutter! The description and setting was great as well. It definitely set the tone of this chapter and I have a feeling that I'm not going to like what they're going to do.

Sirius's protectiveness over Alice makes me laugh! He's looking out for Frank I'm sure but its just too funny to read. I can clearly picture Sirius in my head shooing the poor second year away before leading Alice away from her. Haha!

'The scent of herb crusted chicken and roasted lamb' --Thanks now I'm craving lamb and just spent about 15mins looking for a lamb recipe! Hahaha! Luckily I found one that I think I'll be serving my in-laws when they come for the first time to eat here. :S

He was terrible with crying women, his tongue tied into knots and he usually ended up saying something stupid or making a joke --Haha, definitely something guys tend to do.

Whoa! What's Belle's story? Was the betrothed to someone else? Were they blood purist as well? Dun dun duun! The whole bit with Sirius claiming the Potters was funny. XD

Is Remus pretending that his wrist hurts just for the sake of leaving? :D

Belle cracks me up. It has taken me a while to warm up to her but now she's just funny.

AH! Now I understand what you meant! The italicized part just like the HPoF. :D I feel all warm and fuzzy now. XD I really like the detail how the boys keep their nicknames only to themselves. Its something that its theirs and theirs alone. I really like the way you had Peter be the one giving the signals that everything was good to go.

I also like your interpretation of how they shift to and from their animagi form. Its definitely something I would've never though of, that's for sure. You know, I can't wait to see your Remus! :D But the next chapter will have to wait, I must read Dan's new story and do some edits of HPoF's new chapter which should be up in a few days! :D

I shall come back thought! :D

--Your #1 Pain Eater Rosie XD

Author's Response: Bahhh sorry for taking ages to respond!!!

You will absolutely not like what they have planned! Chapter nine is when you find out just what those nutters are up to ;).

Ahh I was so hungry when I wrote that line about the food! My Mother in Law swears she's going to come to New York and visit us soon. I love her, but am prying it doesn't actually happen.

Ooh your guesses are both very good! I can say that no she wasn't betrothed to someone else, and no her family aren't blood purists ;). Though they do share the similar need to keep up correct appearances as the pure blood families, but that's more of the fact that their practically royalty in France and care very much about the public eyes in them.

You will find out Belle's full story kind of soon, chapter 16 ;). I'm extra happy she's interested you though, because opening her up a bit and making it clear that there's more to her was my biggest goal with that letter.

I am SO happy you liked their transformations. I can't handle in really large stories not covering everything. Because I'm sure through this book and book two there will be many times when they need to change, and just saying he transformed didn't seem like enough to me for something that will be involved in two novel length stories. And it also gives me a way to show that nothing about what they do for Remus is a walk in the park. You'll see more about that in the next chapter. Ninja face. I have to say, I never would have had the courage to tackle these boys without reading His Pack of Four. And I don't show the 'moon night' from Remus's PoV for sometime, because you only see it when Lily sees it as well. But when that finally does come I will be so excited to see what you think of it!

You are my Wolf guru ♥

and I am NOW headed over to HPoF chapter 4 woot!!!

(Pain Eaters 4 eva! Mwahah)


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Review #18, by pennyardelle 

7th October 2012:
Hey Jami! Sorry for keeping you waiting a bit longer than normal on this review; I was so bogged down with work last week.

So, your main question on this was about the Animagus transformation. I thought that what you came up with was really interesting, and it fits well with what Sirius said about his emotions being less complex when he was a dog--your portrayal of the transformation is really about drawing the negative parts of life to the surface, and then being able to escape from them. It seemed to fit well with the tone that JKR set for magic like this in the books, which is great! I do have to admit that I don't think the difference between their original transformation and the one in this chapter was entirely clear, unless I just missed the section where you explained it. But other than that, it was very well-explained and creative. :)

The section about the Death Eaters was another good addition, and really gives your story its own unique tone. It colours the less-serious sections--not necessarily in that it makes the entire story dark, but in that it makes the story serious. Personally, I really enjoy stories that are more serious, so I think it's great. There were some really nice descriptions in the first section, too. It was obvious that you could envision the scene clearly, and were trying to communicate that vision as thoroughly as you could: the branches scraping on the window, the low-burning oil lamp, and so on.

The scene between Belle and Sirius really forged a bond between the two of them. I particularly the way you wrote Sirius' POV, and especially the line, "He hadn't even talked her into a date and she was already crawling around under his skin." It was a really great way of describing the idiosyncrasies of the dynamic between them. I thought there were some nice descriptions in that section, too--the grey and blue, the way you described Belle's appearance. Hearing a little more about her past added to her character development, too, although it seems to me (at least at this point in the story) that it's more significant in terms of helping her and Sirius build a relationship.

Okay, I think that's all of the stuff you brought up in your request. My other comments are more on the technique side of things. I did notice a number of comma splices in this chapter, as well, so you may want to be on the look-out for those if you go back and edit. This sentence had some awkward grammar in it: "Though he knew that was impossible because it was the complete amount of light from a full moon that instigated the change, but the thought still sat dormant in the back of all their minds." Though and but kind of cancel each other out, and I think it would be better to remove one or the other, so it reads "He knew...but...", or "Though he knew...the thought still..."

Another thing I noticed twice in this chapter was an incorrect use of colons. Take these sentences: "There were places of that room that were still touched by the fading sun rays, but there were also corners that stood absent of all light: so dark that neither sun nor flame could reach them," and "The image that she made, her mess of beauty lit from the flames, mixed with the fierce burn in her eyes, would be one that forever lived in the back of his mind: haunting him." Neither of these sentences should have a colon; instead, a comma would be the appropriate choice of punctuation.

I did also notice some incorrect punctuation with dialogue, particularly using a comma at the end of dialogue when it should have been a period because what followed wasn't really a dialogue tag.

Just a couple comments about word choice, as well. First, when you talked about the "vile of vinegar", the word you're looking for is "phial" (British English) or "vial" (American English). Also, when you described Quidditch as "the go to idea for many of the newer students," I knew exactly what you meant, but it seemed like a weak way of describing it. You could just consolidate the sentence by saying, "Quidditch was the go-to way for newer students to get their name known at Hogwarts." Words like "idea", "thing", etc. can often be replaced with stronger, more specific words.

I think there may also have been a mild inconsistency with canon when you talked about Madam Hooch nominating first and second years for the team, since first years are rarely allowed to play Quidditch at Hogwarts. ;)

The last thing I wondered about was the section in which Lily is thinking about buying a new broomstick. It seemed to be a bit of a distracting digression from the story--I mean, I know they had just played Quidditch, but since it was just Lily hemming and hawwing over the idea for a bit, and she ultimately decided that she wouldn't buy one, it felt a little unnecessary to me. Of course, you could be planting something that will come up again later, but even in that case, I think it would flow better if you shortened it and didn't have it take the reader away from the action for several paragraphs.

Okay, I think that's it! I hope my comments were helpful.

Author's Response: Your comments are always helpful! And the edited version, comma splice and (mostly) error free, has been put into the queue! Thank you so much for pointing those out! I did credit you for your help with it, it was really awesome of you to actually point out errors instead of just telling me that there were errors in it ♥

I'm happy you liked the transformation idea! I really wanted something solid, because I don't like glossing over things. And I've decided because of the length of the chapter, I'll add the actual process of how they first transformed into the section that he tells Lily about it.. many chapters from now. But hopefully for now it's hinted enough that this is only the 'everyday' way to transform.

That's exactly what undertone I want for this. Serious. Because it is! So I'm really thrilled that from those Death Eater sections you got that feeling.

Regarding Belle, her and Sirius are hard. You know I'm following canon as closely as possible with this, so we know it can't last. But they are two people that absolutely know what it's like to make a decision like choosing family or moral. This section was actually important in both aspects, in building Belle as well as showing how they start bonding. I don't get into Belle's full history until around chapter 15, so I really wanted to give people something to see that there was much more to her than meets the eye.

Bah! I have to admit, I honestly couldn't remember if it wasn't allowed or conventional that first and second years play Quidditch. I wasn't sure if Harry was an exception to the rule or that he was just the only one good enough. I did change wording a bit saying that they weren't allowed to tryout, but made it clear that they could play if the Captain allowed it. I hope that meshes with canon well enough! Thank you for pointing that out, m'dear!

With Lily's broomstick. You're right about it coming up later, but not the broomstick, just the details around it. I decided to slip that in there since she just rode James's very nice one. But my real purpose for that section was to show that she had her own money saved up, that she had worked in St. M's over the summers, and that she was considering going into healing. Because those all become necessary information, but now I definitely see what you mean about it taking us out of the action. I read over it a few times and still can't find a shorter way to get it through, or a better place to squeeze into my outlines. Hopefully something will come to me with it, because now it does feel a bit long winded!

Thank you so much for this awesome review!!



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Review #19, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

6th October 2012:
Okay, I've got a feeling already I'm going to hit my character limit on this so I'm going to dive right in!

Before I start in on the AoC, I've got a few technical matters I thought I'd mention first. There were a lot of comma splices in this chapter, like:

- She felt a gentle warmth spread through her heart, these boys really are great friends.

- He tried to remember what he had done when Lily cried over the summer, he hadn't had to do much of anything, really.

And while comma splices don't always generate run-on sentences, they did in a few places here:

- Remus had injured his wrist, and Belle was the most capable at Healing spells, she also hated being hovered over and after sending Lily and Sirius a few glares, they finally got the hint and fell back.

- The moment the players kicked off from the ground one thing became obvious Belle was quite possibly the worst Quidditch player in all of history.

- The Hall was calmer than usual, probably because it was nearly six, most students would have arrived an hour earlier when food first started popping up on the tables.

That second one isn't a comma splice since it doesn't have a comma, but it is a run-on sentence. Be weary of both. They really can make a story a lot harder to read than it needs to be.

Second, there were a few times where the punctuation at the end of your dialogue doesn't match the tag to follow. I noticed this in a few early chapters as well, which is why I thought it was worth mentioning here.

- "Lucius," the slithering voice jerked him from his thoughts and direct his attention to his Master.

- "Lily too, since I'm fairly certain she'll end up with that last name someday," Sirius smiled as he spoke, happy to see Belle laughing through the rest of her tears.

There should be a period after Lucius and someday. Only use a comma if what follows is DIRECTLY related to the words (ie "Lucius," the slithering voice said, jerking him from his... or "last name someday," Sirius said with a smile, happy to see..."). You can fudge it a bit if you use words like laughed or interrupted, since it's assumed the words are being said as a character laughs or are themselves an interruption. Otherwise you need the period.

Okay, now on to the chapter itself!

I'm continuing to love the DE bits. I can't say enough how much I like the dimension they add to the story. Obviously, the rest of the chapter isn't all fluff, but you really look at everything that follows in a whole new light...wondering which one of these people's families might be the target the DE are plotting against. Thinking back on chapter one, I also can't help but notice a big improvement in your description choices. The things you've gone into detail on really add something to the scene. I loved the eerie rhythm of the branches scrapping on against the window. You picked up on the things you knew would help set the mood and say something about the scene itself. That said, I'd be careful of falling into a pattern of setting your physical scene before actually diving into it, especially this far into the story. You did it here and then again with the next scene. As an opening to a story, it works really well -- like the panoramic opening shots of a movie that then slowly zooms in on the action - or when you're using it to transition through a large period of time, like the passing of the seasons. But it feels a little more out of place here, especially since the next scene picks up exactly where the previous chapter ended. Not right, not wrong. Just something to think about...

Polly is adorable. She's all sorts of cute and spunky. I remember being that age and how "old" seventeen/eighteen year olds seemed. One of my favorite parts of the whole chapter was when Sirius is all "Nice to meet you!" just as she starts to ask about Alice and Frank. Too perfect. You said in your review that Polly will have a role going forward, and I think this was a great introduction in light of that. I don't know what you have planned for her, but she "fit" into the overall chapter nicely. She had a reason for entering the scene, and a quick departure soon afterword, no one giving her more or less attention than she deserved in the moment.

The only CC I'd point out in this scene is the two paragraphs that start "It was widely known..." The information itself is fine and makes sense in terms of canon and all, but the paragraphs are just sort of floating out there. They don't belong to anyone. No one is thinking/saying/remembering them. The topic fits the scene but they should be tied to someone, ie: As captain, James knew it was up to him to decide what would happen with first and second year tryouts...

I liked the Belle/Sirius scene, and I really liked the use of the letter. It was an effective way of conveying a lot of information, which in dialogue form, might have sounded odd. And I like that you didn't put all the cards on the table by having Belle bare her soul to Sirius. It feels very natural this way. I also really like the way the two characters' lives have a bit of a parallel thing going. He's an outcast with his family; she's on her way to becoming one. And I really like the idea of the Potters sort of picking up all of James' semi-orphaned friends. It's sweet.

As for the Anamagi changes, I thought it all made for a great addition to the story. Really, anything that takes the time to make the magic feel more real is an A+ in my book. A lot of times it's skipped over altogether, which can work really well depending on the type of story. But with a piece like this, where it's meant to slip naturally into canon, I really that you take the time to remember and expand on all the little details associated with spells and potions and the like. That's part of the reason I like the HP books in the first place - all the little details. *Darn, I've exceed again, so...Wonderful chapter! Can't wait for the next.

Author's Response: Ahh I swear comma splices and myself are just attached to each other. But they drive me nuts, so thank you for pointing these ones out!

Yay for description improvement!! Watching the panoramic style setting really makes sense. I reread through the second section and definitely see that it wasn't needed in this one.

That's exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote this! When I was just starting junior high and the seniors of high school were practically completely grown up. Then you get there and learn you have ages to go until your even close to it :P. I'm really happy you got that feeling from Polly, it was exactly what I wanted. And that she fit into the scene. She definitely has a plan, other than what part she plays in the future Quidditch team. And I really wanted her introduced early so when that does take place, it makes the right kind of statement.

Hehe I love Sirius. And I liked giving Alice some attention in this. She's extremely intelligent, but still quiet and reserved. She has no desire to be a leader, and is content to just be part of something and part of a team. Those are some very strong qualities, and I wanted to show that Frank is by far the only bloke who knows that ;).

The fact that the Animagus change is skipped over so much really spurred this. I wanted to give it a reason. I'm writing a story about people who do it often, so just kind of glossing it felt sort of cowardly. I'm so happy that you like that and didn't think it sounded crazy.

And thank you again for another amazing review. I can't say how often you make my day. Not only because of your compliments, but with your CC. Because you point out things to make me a stronger *writer*... not things like... "I think that Belle would have reacted differently here." that kind of CC would be fine with a strong canon character. But Belle is *mine* and no one knows how she would react but me. What I'm trying to say, is a lot of reviewers try and CC in a way that makes it seem like they are trying to rewrite your story, but you put out the things that can help someone become a better writer. And it's awesome. I'm fangirling over here :wub:


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Review #20, by SunSation Gal 07 

22nd September 2012:
oh boy, Moldyshorts and his gang are going to kill someone. and dang! aww, Polly is so cute! poor Belle. her family is horrible. I wanted to smack this so called 'sister' of hers. ooh, and one of their adventures across the grounds! :D

Author's Response: Hahah I am so happy you liked Polly! And Belle's family really sucks, just wait until you find out the extent of it Thanks so much for this awesome review, and I'm excited to see what James and Lily are getting themselves up to! Sorry I didn't stop by over the weekend. I had a delightful few days filled with strep throat. Yay. Haha, see you soon ♥

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Review #21, by Athene Goodstrength 

21st September 2012:
Quick nitpicking and then onto the review:

‘His pale blue eyes moved farther to the sides of their sockets, giving him the ability to momentarily study his sister-in-law.’ - For a second, I did imagine them moving in opposite directions, which was a hilarious and odd image. Something like ‘His pale blue eyes slid surreptitiously towards his sister-in-law, giving him a momentary opportunity to study her’ still has the sneakiness you’ve gone for, without the opportunity for an idiot like me to imagine Lucius pulling an odd face...

The next paragraph, you’ve got ‘posses’ instead of ‘possess’.

A tart isn’t a sweet. A sweet is non-chocolate candy... a tart, as a baked good, is a pudding or a dessert.

You’ve used the word ‘conformation’ twice, where I think you mean ‘confirmation’.

***
So, the first thing I notice with this chapter is that your descriptions have increased and improved massively. I could instantly see and hear that tree, and see that dark room with the chair and the Death Eaters, and the guttering flame. I like this! Atmosphere is so important and before you even move in to focus on Lucius or give us any dialogue, you’ve set the scene.

Again, before they’ve even said anything, you’ve characterized Lucius and Bellatrix perfectly. How is crazy Bellatrix always so sensuous?! (and it’s always through Lucius’ eyes... I feel like he has a subconscious attraction to her whilst still being a bit frightened and repulsed).

Argh! Legilimency! You’ve reminded me that Lucius can’t really hide anything, neither can anyone else, and it’s SCARY!

‘The last few words slipped out like a promise. But to Lucius, they felt more like a threat. ’ - I love this. Lucius is a bit more canny than he’s often given credit for. He seems to be one of the few Death Eaters who is a follower more out of his own ambition than out of being in thrall to Voldemort himself.

Argh, who are they going to attack?! This is so foreboding, but so exciting! And scary! You’ve done a brilliant job. I’ve said it a few times, but I feel like you’re incredibly talented when it comes to writing the ‘baddies’. I want you to write a novel about one or both of the wars, all from the perspective of someone on Voldemort’s side. Namely, Lucius. But yes, please get to work on that :P

Lily caught the Snitch. That gave me Major Feels. We always attribute Harry’s Seeker skills to James... And poor Remus! And Belle is a great healer... that fits her really well, I think. Her no-nonsense but gentle approach to people, in particular.

Polly has guts to approach the ‘big kids’! It was interesting to see how the group respond to younger students; Lily in particular acted like a true Head Girl. And Sirius was really sweet and very IC of him to be slightly brusque in order to be a good, loyal friend. He’s such a bouncy Labrador.

It was so cool to see Nearly Headless Nick! His line made me laugh. But I did think it was one of the suits of armour talking at first?

I feel so sorry for poor Remus. It’s a really sad but believable image, him looking up at the ceiling of the Great Hall to watch the night rolling across the sky. I’m so mad at JKR for killing him, actually. He deserved a happy life, so much. But then you lighten the scene again with James the tart-stealer! Another reminder that these are Harry’s parents... FEELS. I also enjoy your characterization of Peter, his excitement about Halloween and wanting to go with the whole group is very endearing. And then later, his dogged determination when trying to make a potion... and Madam Pomfrey having a soft spot for him, too! I just find this so interesting, as I don’t know how I would characterize young Peter myself. I think you’ve done a great job.

“Periwinkle Plimpy” made me laugh. That is a PERFECT password! Hahaha.

Oh, Sirius. Again, lovely characterization - this poor teenage boy trying to deny his feelings for this girl, and then ohgoodlord she’s crying whatdoido?!?!? Ah, of course- dismiss the terrified first-year. I liked that little moment, it showed (after the moment with Polly) that Sirius knows how to deal with kids. And bless him, he’s trying to help Belle at the same time as knowing he has to take care of Remus later. He really is a wonderful friend.

No! Belle can’t leave! You’ve done a great job of bringing up lots of questions - why did Belle run away? How could sweet, hot-tempered, good Belle disgrace her family? (I’m pretending I don’t know). This line struck me in particular: “Return home. Return to us, to your family, or forfeit the right to call me your sister.” - Now this is something Sirius can identify with, right? They have more in common than he could have thought.

It’s so interesting to watch the Marauders working together (with dear Madam Pomfrey, of course) to help Remus. Ooh - er! James’ horns have grown?! My my. Have I mentioned before how much I love the name ‘Boozer’ for Hagrid’s dog? Because I really do. It feels like JKR genius.

‘The nicknames were their own thing, though. Something that was just for the four of them. They didn’t need to share those titles with anyone else.’ - I WANT TO HUG YOU. Yes! I don’t know why so many writers have the whole school calling the gang ‘Marauders’, or Sirius ‘Padfoot’.

Oh my God, Jami! You are actually a genius. Your idea of how an Animagus transforms is *brilliant*. SERIOUSLY brilliant. It should be canon. I can’t even explain how brilliant I think it is. At first I was like, ‘So it’s similar to conjuring a Patronus’... and then you did the second half, turning into an animal, and my jaw dropped. I particularly liked the touch that James, so privileged, has no bad memories of his own parents but the fact that he is so close to his friends and cares so much about them. makes their pain his own.

The final line is just amazing. I’ve always loved your writing, but I feel that in this chapter you’ve managed to step up a gear! So very, very good.

Author's Response: I'm absolutely going to look back on this review forever. Every single time I am annoyed at this story, I'm going to read your review. You're so awesome ♥

First of all, thank you for pointing out those! They've been edited. And for explaining the differences between a sweet and dessert. I guess I use the word interchangeably here, like if I say I want a sweet I don't always mean candy.. I'm learning so much!

And I'm wondering if you said 'A tart, as a baked good.. implies a tart could be anything else?? Hmm?? Haha totally giggled at that,

And Lucius with his face! Ahh! Thanks a lot for ruining my mental image for like... the rest of my life! HAHA!

I'm so happy the descriptions seem so much strong! YES! Crazy Bellatrix really is sensuous! I'm so happy you picked up on that. She gets that kind of charge from what she does, and I wanted that to slip through a bit. I'm so thrilled you caught it!!

And you've gotten what I wanted Lucius to come off as perfectly, also! Yay!!

Hahah yay baddies! So, for the next book, we'll see a TON of baddie sections because it relates so closely to the goodie ones, this book will have at least ten more though. So that's good, right?? And I will write an Astoria Draco, so that will of course include some of those during Draco's nightmares and such..

Yay Lily! I'm happy you liked that. I feel like there's no reason they both couldn't like Quidditch. Of course Lily didn't have the raw talent James did, but she loved the thrill of the game and that pushed her to learn to play at least. There such a prec couple ♥

I'm so happy you like Peter a lot because he worries me so, so much. And I'm fairly certain I've talked to you about how (for me) he actually gets into the war. So I'm able to keep that feeling of how much he loves his friends, until it's really close to the end and he sees that he's in too deep. I like Peter a lot more now that I've decided he wanted to protect them at first, but then I hate him even more for not having the courage to admit what he'd gotten himself into, and ultimately for letting his friends die because he was too stupid to realize it didn't have to be that way. And ahh. It's just all so sad :(. LILY AND JAMES. WHY?? WHY?? Bah. Feels :(

HEY! You've realized something right here when you said it shows that Sirius knows how to deal with kids! SPOILER. He's the only one that isn't scared when James and Lily first find out their pregnant. Lily's the youngest, she had no close cousins. She loves 'tiny humans' (which is what she refers to them as) and volunteers at the Children's Ward in St. Mungo's, but she has never been around them much. James is an only child in the same boat as Lily. But Sirius was a big brother, before everything fell apart and he and Regulus were just tiny lil things, he loved being a big brother and just isn't as terrified as those other two. Okay, Spoiler over.

I'm so happy you like the nicknames being theirs! Yay! But I mean really, why would they want their secret name known by the entire school?? Silliness.

I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT THE ANIMAGUS THING! Yay! I'm so happy you like it. But even after you first take the potion and perform the spell (which is how I decided you initially become one) I wanted there to be a trick for changing every time and that felt like it fit. And Yay! I'm extra excited it did.

Okay, I have to be stepping closer to that character limit here. BUT I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE AMAZING AND I HOPE YOU LIKE CHAPTER 8! ♥


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Review #22, by EverDiggory 

27th August 2012:
Adeline is seriously my favorite name in the world. I had to tell you that;P

So, I'm here! Finally! A week later, haha!

Alright so here it is! The flow was pretty good! I was really surprised by this because there was a few jumps yet it all seemed pretty smooth. I'm not sure how you did this, but keep doing it!;D

Imagery...IT WAS TERRIBLE.

I'm lying hun(; it was great, as per usual. I really held your nose to the grindstone on it and you really kept up on all the beautiful descriptions! I'm definitely impressed, because you really do make me feel as if I'm right there. I get a very vivid, beautiful mental image (that doesn't even sound right;p)

The beginning part with the DE was very eery, and I think that's what you wanted. It really spooked me a bit and now I'm positively dreading the trouble they're stirring up. I usually love the bad guys but you make me a little freaked out by them, and I suppose thats a good thing!

GOD SIRIUS WILL YOU JUST ASK BELLE OUT ALREADY?! I really had to get that out of my system. I feel terrible for Belle, Adeline is very irritating. One moment she's talking about how disgraceful Belle is and the next she's saying how proud she is! What the hell? Pick one already! Stupid Adeline, she furstrates me! I love the chemistry between Belle and Sirius though. Sirius seems so caring and cute and you make it really easy to fangirl over him(;

The end section was very unique, and I loved it! I was pleasantly surprised by how well you captured it, you made it feel very realistic. Obviously you don't turn into an animal so it must be hard! You certainly have a wonderful imagination to be able to pull it off! The imagery and descriptions were really great, to go along with it! Great job!

I'm starting to get really anxious and I think you need to update right now!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: You scared me!! Hahaa!!! And now I've just realized that when I gushed about amazing reviewers, I totally forgot about one of my favorite :(. I am so sorry, next time I gush you will be at the top of my list. Your reviews really are amazing and are so wonderful, you helped me come so far in descriptions!

I'm so happy you liked the animal section, it was really fun to come up with. And I kind of wanted to be a deer after I wrote it. Haha!

Sirius! Ahh!! I'm considering renaming Belle, Jami ;)!!

Thank you so much for this amazing review, Ever. It was just what I needed.



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Review #23, by manno_malfoy 

26th August 2012:
I think this has been my favourite chapter by far! Oh my God, Jami! This chapter is basically flawless, for reasons I shall elaborate below, but I just needed to tell you this before I started off!

Okay, gushing aside! I think the way you've been opening the past few chapters is fascinating! How you're telling us a few things about what's going on outside Hogwarts and not letting us forget that despite the happy moments the characters share, they would soon be leaving to this outside world... it's just great!

I think you write those dark scenes wonderfully! I think it feels quite foreboding and I just wonder if we're going to have a little peek at what they're doing the next chapter too. You tell things from a very descriptive eye that depicts all darkness in a very elegant and smooth style, one that keeps your reader delved into the coldness of the scene until you shift the attention to Hogwarts.

Although you manage to maintain the same elegant style, the tone seems to soften and everything seems to brighten up. There are a lot of more cheerful adjectives that helped me adjust to the change in the scene before all the events started taking place, and I really liked that!

I really am not sure about Polly, whether she's been introduced for a reason or not - I do believe she is, knowing what to expect from you by now. Although I find her a annoying, I can't wait to see about what you're going to do with her and if her brother is going to take a part in the story as well. (erm... just looked at your request and saw you saying that she is important) Although she seems a bit forceful, I think you've set up a place for her well with the whole Quidditch thing.

It seems as though you have such a strong distaste fore BOOM-out-of-the-blue relationships. First with James and Lily and now with Belle and Sirius. For once, I read a story in which Sirius is portrayed as someone who isn't shallow. I like how you've given them something in common and how Sirius helped Belle lighten up, mainly because he understands what it feels like. What also caught my attention was not only the understanding that Sirius has showcased but his state before knowing what was wrong with Belle at all. His insecurity in the face of serious matters is quite refreshing and makes him feel more human and more like his age to me. The conversation between them seemed quite natural and unforced and was quite fit for the situation at hand.

I like how you've showed us a bit more of Belle in this chapter. She's coming off as this strong woman, showing that you don't have to go through an actual war in order to be a heroine. Breaking away from family, although liberating, is always quite scary and I believe is something that would have a person always wondering 'what if'. I do admire how confident she is, how she believes she's made the right decision and how she trusted Sirius to see that side of her when it comes to this, even if she hasn't let her own best friends know about it.

I've already told you this earlier in the review, but I must reinforce it: your description in this chapter is just flawless! And this doesn't change when it comes to the last bit. I am always entertained by reading stories that include details about the Marauders' transformation into their animal forms, and very few actually do that, I think. I've only read one, which is the one you've drawn inspiration from! :D

It seems as though you've thought this part through very well. You know exactly what you want the three boys to do, you've had them plan gestures ahead -which makes a lot of sense- and you've kept their personalities consistent, especially James's. I especially liked the bit where James was thinking about what he likes about being human and what he doesn't like. It just adds more detail and richness to the scene, which I really enjoyed.

The way you've sealed the chapter was quite wonderful as well. It's so well-worded and very touching, and I absolutely loved it.

I don't know how you can write such big yet great chapters, but you keep doing it over and over again! Therefore, marvellous job! I can't wait for Chapter 8!

-Manno

Author's Response: Manno!!! What am I supposed to do with this?? How am I supposed to make any sort of intelligent review with all the amazing things you've said?? I'm totally 'through the screen' hugging you, btw.

Keeping that same style while I shift from baddies to goodies, but adding in the warmth, is probably something about these chapters that takes the most work. Knowing that it flowed well and felt natural for you makes me so happy!!

Haha yes, Polly has a reason :). She will be a small part in this first book, but it's actually the second where her big reason comes out. It was fun writing someone so young, though. And having her a bit over zealous, not knowing when to shut up ;).

Belle!! I was so happy to start showing a bit more to her in this, it will still be awhile before you get her full story, but just this much made me happy. Belle is one of the strongest characters in this book, her best and worst quality is that she refuses to doubt herself about anything. And yes, I HATE out of the blue relationships. Haha! I just think that Sirius would really have no reason to want a girlfriend at this point. He has his friends, he's submerged in his last year, and a girlfriend would only tie him down. So, in order to get past that, there has to be real reason for those feelings to bloom.

I loved giving him that but of uncertainty when it came to dealing with Belle. James is my quiet strength, that person that can make you feel better simple because he's next to you, but Sirius just doesn't have that kind of emotional growth yet, but despite knowing he really doesn't know how to handle this, he still tries, which makes me want to hug him!

I thought a really long time about what it is that would make them change. They don't need a want. I highly doubt they carry potion everywhere. So when the idea that they have to make themselves want to leave their human or animal life clicked, I just ran with it, and I'm so happy that you liked it!!

You always understand my chapters so well, it's really great to get feedback from someone that pays so much attention and picks up on everything.

Thank you so, so much for this. You've given me that inspiration I needed to finish up chapter 8!!



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Review #24, by Cavell 

26th August 2012:
Urgh, I took a little longer with this review than I wanted to, so sorry for the slightly longer wait, Jami :( However, YAY A NEW CHAPTER! I was so excited when I saw it pop up at the top of my favourites list, though I forced myself to wait for you to request it :p

It was definitely interesting to see a glimpse into Lucius' mind - it wasn't what I was expecting, but much, much better. I have never actually seen him written before, but wow, yours was definitely true to canon, as if Ms Rowling herself wrote him instead of you, and now I'm really curious to see what the Death Eaters are going to do.

I really liked Polly :) So often, people forget about the younger kids, the first and second years, and it was nice to see someone happier and a lot more cheerful than the seven of them :p Her introduction and reason was very natural, and made me laugh too, especially on what she said about Alice. I honestly can't wait to see why is she so important, and her introduction really makes me realise that you planned out this story so carefully and I admire you for that :D

I never actually realised Belle's full name, and for some reason it brought a new side to her :p I adore the name Isabelle, and I'm actually planning to use it in a story of my own someday, so I loved seeing it as Belle's because it made her more relateable as a character in whole - a normal name - and just because the name is lovely and it's not used as often as it should (then again, that isn't entirely a bad thing). I had seen the CI request in TDA and wanted so badly to know why Belle was crying, and wow. o.O I feel so sorry for her - that must be awful, and kind of makes me glad I'm not famous or anything like that.

Her and Sirius definitely felt natural, so I can't wait to see where you're going with them ;) The transformation in animals was interesting - I loved seeing it from the animal's view, you're right, no one puts much thought into that so I'm pleased you did. The twist was excellent, definitely food for thought to be honest with you.

I felt like the description was stronger in this chapter, being a lot more serious than the rest, and thus your imagery was beautiful, and there are zilch complaints from me - it's another brilliant chapter under your belt, Jami, and I certainly can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Blah this was such a sweet review &heart; you made my heart go crazy with warm and fuzzies!

Lucius was really fun to write, I don't see him as a good person - but I do see him as wanting to protect his family. He likes the idea of being in this mission, but he hates how dangerous it is. And, you'll know very soon exactly what it is these baddies are up to.

Oh my gosh I'm so happy you liked Polly's Alice line, it was so fun for me to imagine some big bad Quidditch star pining after her, and Sirius really not being okay with even the thought of it because Polly is their friend.. she does play an important part of this story so I'm happy you liked her introduction :). Haha I'm a crazy planner, I think that's why I write a lot of one-shots, sometimes it feels good to just start on something totally unplanned.

Yay strong descriptions!! I worry so much about imagery, but in these kinds of chapters where there is more serious I do find it a bit easier.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, you have no idea how excited I am when I get to request one, they are always the best and so well thought out and insightful.

Thanks again, darling ♥


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Review #25, by CloakAuror9 

26th August 2012:
*Surprise!*

Yellow, Jami. (:

Okay, so I realise that I'm skipping chapters, but I really want to review chapter seven. And I apologies for being such a lame reviewer and not reviewing the past previous chapters, I'll get back to those later.

Like I said before, you have a great talent for imagery. You have this special way of words that makes everything so easy to read!

Belle and Sirius. I love the way you brought them together. I'm going to be so biased, but a lot of fanfiction out there that's Sirius/OC, most of the time have the two of them come together out of nowhere. It's pretty refreshing seeing, Sirius and Belle sharing something deeper than snogs in a broom closet. ;)

I don't know what you're thanking me for, if anything I should be the one thankful here -letting me try out my suckish beta 'skills' -my non-existent skills, that is- on your story. Sometimes I feel like I'm ruining your story. Gah. Okay. I'll stop being whiny now. :P

You're amazing, did you know?
Izzy xx

PS: I realise that this is a bit short, but I need to go now -family is calling. :P

Author's Response: Yeah right, you deserve these thanks times a million!! You saw the first version of this chapter and know how much you did to help!!!

Bahh I really don't like out of the blue relationships, as you know. I'm excited to go deeper into Belle, but this seemed like a good starting point.

I loved this review, don't ever worry about reviewing when you don't have time, but I was very surprised and you put a huge smile on my face!!! PS - Chapter 8 will be done soon !!!

&heartsl


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