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42 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sushmita 

15th February 2017:
Great chapter! I love the heat building up between James and Lily, specially coz I wasn't really buying the connection between James and Lily till this chapter. For some reason its the way James spoke to Lily just didn't feel like it rang true to me, he was always super polite with her to give her space. Loved reading a lil of Remus' POV in the end as well.

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Review #2, by TheMaraudersBabe 

18th July 2014:
I love that you make up your own spells. It really adds both a personal touch and realism because there certainly would have been a spell like that in a world full of witches and wizards. Props to you for (1) looking the words up to make it sound legitimate and (2) for being brave enough to throw your own twist into the Harry Potter universe. Then again, I suppose that's what every fanfiction writer does. However, you do it exceptionally well! I'm loving it. xo.

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Review #3, by Pretense Of Perfection 

1st June 2014:
I must say, this is a very well written Marauder's era fic! I like how you didn't completely ignore Peter, like a lot of other authors tend to do. To me, he was a very important character, and more often than not is done little to no justice by fan fictions writers, even in his Hogwarts years.

Anyways, I'm done ranting about that. I generally dislike the transfer student thing, but you made it work in this piece. Belle is a relatively likeable, and completely believable character. I'm not too sure how I feel about Alreck though...I'm thinking he might be a Death Eater. Dun dun dun.

I did notice some spelling/grammar errors, but nothing too bad, so I won't go ahead and lay them all out here.

There's two things I haven't been a huge fan of so far...One of them is Lily and James dorming together...it could just be a personal thing, as my head canon has always been that the Marauders dorm together no matter what, but I've always felt that the Head's sharing a dorm is just sort of...convenient I guess? And perhaps a tad unrealistic. Just my thoughts though!

The only other point in your story I'm having a bit of trouble with is Lily and James' relationship with one another. I know that they grew A LOT closer with the death of Lily's parents and all, but I feel like maybe without any of their personal back story, explaining the dynamics of their relationship before Lily's parents died, it just feels a bit...rushed or something? I don't think that's quite the word I'm looking for, but for some reason that's the best way I can think to describe it at the moment.

But again, overall it's nothing that detracts from the quality of your work, just me being canon police and super nitpicky about nonsense. I've really enjoyed this so far! It's been a while since I've read something that really draws me in that I just simply can't stop reading, and I think I may have just found it (:

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Review #4, by PotterBaby__x 

30th April 2014:
"We have all the time in the world, right?"
Broken. Shattered. Writhing from the aches in my chest.
Your writing is amazing.
Really, really enjoying it.
The way their relationships and interactions between each other are written is superb and I've got so many feels, it's just so beautiful.
Not to mention, lol you're so hilarious! The dialouge between James and Sirius is fabulous!!
Big ups to you!

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Review #5, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the way you have written the friendship, not just between the marauders, but between all of them from Lily, Belle and Alice to Lily and James, Lily and Sirius...etc, is just totally exquisite. I love reading them, I can just feel so much platonic love - or in some cases, not so platonic (yes, i'm looking at you James!) and I personally think that frienship in stories is just as important as the romance so good job my dear. I love Belle - she says it how it is doesn't she. I love the way that when they get caught she's just like, 'yeah, fine, we did spy but what i'm really mad at is the fact that the bushes were too bushy for us to see out of!' Just brilliant. I love the cute little, simultaneous 'lets-get-even' from James and Lily.

AND LILY ADMITTED SHE FANCIED HIM. Oh my god, you made his reaction so perfect too. You can just tell he is so elated that he knows she likes him, she's just not ready but now he doesn't have to make her jealous and everything and concoct plans to win her...oh dude, I love James. I know he's always described as a bit of a bully but he has his reasons doesn't he...

Author's Response: I can't tell you how much I love that you love the friendship. Writing that side of it all is almost more fun for me than the romance, because I think friendship is what makes the Marauders and the girls who they are. It's all they have to depend on by the end of it, and ugh. Now I'm getting all full of Marauders sads feels.

Belle being the blunt and not be embarrassed about what she says or does character is a fun outlet for me, haha! and yes!!! she admitted it!! And I'm way too happy that you love James ♥ Just come over here and hug me, yeah?


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Review #6, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

2nd July 2013:
Lily, so angry and jealous over that girl. Definitely her subconscious telling her to stop listening to her head and be with James. I shall cry until she does... :P

Oooh, why did his neck burn??? I need to know now! Because until I know, I will tell myself he's charmed to only be kissed by Lily. ;)

The memory started off so nice, then went a little sad, then was adorable, yet I am still sad because I know it's going to change for Lily and Petunia. I just want to hug them and be like you'll love each other forever! Don't go away!

Just know that I also get a little teary when I read about Lily's parents - they sound so lovely that I hate that they're dead, I hate it! And I'm afraid of what Sirius and Lily have to tell James. *hugs them all*

I hope one day Lily trusts Belle to tell her about her and her sister. Mostly because I like Belle, partly because I wanna know. :P

"If that was true, and I could kiss whoever I pleased, I would already be kissing you," - Yes. YES!

"But, I won't - DAMN!

James! Why do you hate me? :P He's so sweet and caring and just so good of Lily. He needs to stop it! Okay, no, he doesn't. If he stops, I'll be sad. I can wait. Maybe. I guess we'll see.

Love how Sirius just blames the girl. And then I love that she just agrees! That's just awesome!

Peter! So cool, so awesomely adorable, so Gryffindor (please don't change! ;(). You go, Peter! Tricking Violet and standing up for James! See, this is Peter! Before war and sides and all that - he is a Marauder and I love you for writing this even more! It's sad when authors forget about him! Or show that they hate him because of what happens later.

And it's magic lip gloss! Can I keep my idea? I like that he's hands off. :P

Edgar! The little girl in the one-shot. The family. The brave house elf. The feels!

The Order! I love all the little hints and clues bits of onfo about future events. Well, they may not be hints and clues, but maybe bits of info and it's so awesome to know them!

"Great. I always wanted to hand a bloody bat to a girl who's already looking for an excuse to hit me with something," Sirius mumbled.

"Maybe she can toughen you up, princess," James said with a laugh.


I will never not love their banter! :D

I just want to hug Remus; listening to him planning his evening for his transformation. But he has his friends! It's so sweet!

This chapter was so amazing, Jami!

Sam.

(Don't be afraid of this rambley, crazy review - it's midnight here and this is an insight into my mind. ;) Also, I was listening to Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Ghostbusters while reading the last bit and reviewing - James is the prince, they're going to go ghost busting and no one can take this away from me... I should sleep...).

Author's Response: Hi Sam ♥

Telling a little side story of Lily and Petunia was a guilty pleasure of mine through the story. You'll see those crop up until we get to the point of when they see each other again for Vernon and Petunia's wedding. I'm super excited you liked that part, because I know flashbacks can be a bit jarring for some people.

HAHAHAH oh my I LOVE your idea about James. We can just pretend he's charmed to only be kissed by Lily, yeah? That sounds good to me!

Peter is someone I NEVER thought I'd end up liking, but I really do. I've twisted so many thing around, so that facts still fit canon, but in my head (and eventually in book two) it's a much different circumstance than Peter just getting scared and betraying them. I just can't handle that. There's too much sad in their world's, and though what Peter did will never be excused, I've found a way to live with it ;). If you end up going along with me until then, I think you'll really love what I have planned for Peter.

I'm so thrilled you liked their banter! I really have fun writing it, but I always wonder if I'm the only one amused by it :P

Thank you so SO much for this amazing review and just making me feel so excited and happy ♥ Us Marauders fan have a special sort of connected &heats;


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Review #7, by nott theodore 

19th June 2013:
I'm so excited to have some time to get back to this story again!

So the infamous Violet has made a reappearance of sorts in this chapter? I think I dislike her almost as much as Lily does here - how dare she do that to James? I loved the way you described Lily's anger at the beginning of the chapter (I could quote it back at you but then most of this review would be quotes) - your descriptions and imagery are so lovely throughout the story so far and you manage to get just the right balance with them.

Okay, so I know I said I wasn't going to quote during the whole review but this sentence " as an ocean of memories came crashing through her, catching her in their current and pulling her into their sea." just made the transition into the flashback so seamless and flawless that I really think it's perfect. The flashbacks work so well because they're not overused and they have a purpose - it's great learning about Lily's childhood and her relationship with her parents and sister. I find it so hard to believe that Petunia and Lily just cut off contact completely when their parents died, since Petunia sent Lily that vase and I think Lily even attended her sister's wedding. The way they make up here is so cute, as if they think everything is going to be made better, and it's so sad that their relationship becomes even more damaged through the years. I'm looking forward to seeing more about what happens between the sisters in the rest of this story.

Aw, James and Lily's 'talk'! Do you know how hard it is not to fangirl over that? Seriously, James is such a lovable character in a non-playboy way; he's just so sweet and genuine and I can definitely see why Lily falls for him. I definitely wasn't expecting Lily to admit she likes him, and I don't think James was either, but maybe that will make things easier between the two of them from now on? I know we know that they'll end up together but now they do too (if that makes sense!).

I think I know which line you're talking about, because it kind of killed me: "We have all the time in the world, right?" I just want to yell at them to hurry up and get a move on because they're living on borrowed time and it's so sad!

Am I detecting the hints of a future relationship between Belle and Sirius here? Spying on James and Lily's private conversation seems like a very Sirius thing to do, and I like the way that James and Lily get revenge on them. The comment Sirius made about preferring the wet-dog look made me laugh as well!

It was great to see Peter here with his 'Gryffindor' qualities, standing up for his friends. And I love the fact that in this story he's a real part of the friendship group because that is so rare in Marauders stories. The fact that they treat him like you would expect someone to treat a best friend makes me so happy! Although I think there were also hints of certain elements of his personality here which will be used in the future to make him turn sides - the need for approval and the ability to lie to others. At this point he's still very much best friends with them though and I really love that.

The friendship scenes are some of my favourites in this story, because they capture so perfectly what teenagers and best friends are like. And there was a bit of mystery at the end - I'm curious about whose eyes those were!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi lovely!! ♥

I really try to hit a good balance between being descriptive and just letting the details form only when necessary. I always want to be able to keep the flow smooth so it never feels like you're being jetted out of the story to traipse through paragraphs of detail. I'm excited that you think I'm doing a good job with that balance! Yay!

I know a lot of people don't love flashbacks, so I'm really happy that they feel in place and that you like the reason for them. I may have already ranted to you about this, but yes I completely agree with what you said about them just cutting contact. You're right, Lily and James both attended the wedding as well as had dinner with Vernon and Petunia before the end of their seventh year (which you'll read about later on, hehe). So obviously Petunia didn't just decide to hate Lily then they never spoke again. I think there's a very good chance that, though they'd never be really close, they could have ended up with somewhat of a bond if Lily would have lived long enough.

I haven't had many people comment on what they think about learning more about Petunia and Lily, so I'm really glad you like it! This story has made me want to play around with the idea of writing more about their childhood, but with the amount of WIP I guess it's probably the last thing I need :P

I wish I could tell you that Lily admitting she likes James speeds things up a bit, buttt I'd be lying :P. These two are stubborn, Sian! Stubborn!!

Oh gosh I could give you a whole other rant about how James and Sirius are both treated in FF. This boy comes from an obviously loving family. They took Sirius in, they gave their son the confidence he has. So why on earth he would end up this completely jerky play boy just doesn't make sense to me. Yes, he had his issues with being a brat to Severus. But I'm sure if we'd have just seen Draco's side of things, we'd have thought Harry was a bully at times too. Or just an absolutely stalker if we're looking at HBP :P.

Haha yes! That line made me so sad after I wrote it! You don't have all the time in the world, you don't! You have... just over four years from this point and ugh :(.

The friendship scenes are some of my favorites to write, too. I think it's just a huge part of what makes them so special, and yes! I completely agree with there being hints of the traits he has that makes him able to end up on the wrong side of the war. Although, I've finally gotten what I think happens twisted around canon enough to make it make sense, and the way it played out in my head makes me like Peter much better. When that point comes, I really hope people will feel more sad for him than anything.

Your reviews are so much fun to answer, Sian! They're so detailed and always get me thinking about these characters and get me in the mood to poke away a bit at the next chapter. Thank you so much for that! And for spoiling me with your amazing reviews! ♥


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Review #8, by FallenTruths 

28th May 2013:
Hi Jami!

I'm back for another two chapters!
Chapter 5- So we finally got to see what Voldemort has been up to. I was really surprised that he has already focused on James and Lily and finding someone to infiltrate the group. Bellatrix was my favorite part of this scene. I liked seeing her at such a weak point in her life where she isn't in Voldemort's inner circle and has to grovel at his feet to try to stay in his good graces. I saw a lot of glimpses of the Bellatrix we see in your other story in this scene which was a nice surprise. You know how much I love your characterization of her.

Sirius was being so thoughtful with his concern for Peter. Is it bad that I already hate him even though he hasn't done anything wrong yet? It's sweet of Sirius to still care about his brother too even though he knew he was turning dark. Oh no, Sirius was finally going to tell him the truth! I hope he does soon. I feel like I cheated a bit since I already know what he needs to tell James. :P I honestly wasn't expecting Lily to know though, but I'm glad she doesn't have an additional surprise to deal with on top of the loss of her parents.
I was having a little Hermione/Viktor flashback as I read the scene between Alrek and Lily. Maybe it's the accent, but it also reminds me of how Ron was really jealous of their relationship while James is now jealous of this situation. Dumbledore is so smart and witty! I love how you've written him, especially this line, "It's a marvelous thing, you know, finding beauty where destruction has touched." He has so many wise things to tell us.

Chapter 6 - I love how you transitioned from the present day to the flashbacks with "an ocean of memories came crashing through her, catching her in their current and pulling her into their sea." It made the flashback really well integrated into the chapter. There were a few typos I saw so I'll get those out of the way first - "His excitement was infections." "He gave Petunia and encouraging smile" "Neither spoke while the walked." "He had let her use him as verbal punching bad for." "She held his gaze despite the sudden quickening of her heartbeat urged her to look away." "I don't now about Belle."

This transition was amazing too - "the torn fabric of their relationship was sown together, mended with careful hands." I love the attention to detail you have when you're switching between scenes. You're killing me with all these foreboding statements like, "We have all the time in the world, right?" I want to scream at them to get together now because they're wasting time. Now I see you mentioned in your author's note there was a particular line in this chapter that was heart-breaking, and I bet this was it.

We got to see a bit more from Peter in this chapter and despite the fact that I still hate him I can appreciated that you gave him a bit of intelligence with figuring out what happened with Violet when she kissed James. You also showed that Peter is capable of manipulating and lying to people when he was getting information out of her. You also added in his need to get approval which probably played a big role in his service to Voldemort. Overall I really like your characterization of Peter so far. He must be an incredibly difficult character to write.

Alli

Author's Response: Alli Alli Alli!!! I'm so happy you liked Bellatrix's first appearance. She definitely becomes a little addicting to write! I struggled a lot with how James and Lily would face their first defy why they were still in Hogwarts (I swear, JKR did not take pity on us poor Marauders era fanfic writers!) but there's months of planning on the DE part before we ever get there. I may have just gotten a little anxious to include one of their scenes :P

Before I started writing Alrek I went and read every Viktor passage I could find. If I ever want to do another story with characters that will require accents, just go ahead and throw something at me, okay? :P And I can't really blame you for hating Peter. It took a lot of work to make myself unhate him and not just have him throw himself into the black lake :P

Ahhh I'm so happy you like Dumbledore! And thank you for the typos! I'm heading to edit them back in right when I'm finished responding to this!

Yes, that was the line that made me so sad! I wrote it just sat there for a second thinking, NO! You don't have all the time in the world!! You're on *borrowed* time, get it together kids!

I practice a lot on transitions. They take quite a few times for me to feel like they're okay, so I'm really happy you pointed out liking that one!

I think Peter's hardest part is balancing between a boy that I do think was a real friend to this group, and the person he'll end up being. Like I mentioned before, I've just twisted canon enough in my head to come up with something I was okay with :P!

By the way, i just answered this review right when I got to my office while I still have my coffee, and i feel like this could be the best way to start out a morning. Now I'm all warm and fuzzy ♥

Thank you for another amazing review, Alli! At first I typed your full first name there, then I deleted it but continued giggling to myself :P!



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Review #9, by WeasleyTwins 

25th April 2013:
Hello Jami! It's about time I got back into the groove of reading and reviewing BTF!

I don't even know what to say to you anymore, I really don't. I'm getting so involved with the characters, I can't even think of anything mildly intelligent to say! All I want to do is flail around like the fangirl that I really am. Since I first discovered HPFF, I've read tons and tons of James/Lily and Marauder era stories. Tons. But I can honestly tell you that this is one of the best ones, if not the best, that I've ever read. I'm so in love with this story and the characters right now. SO MANY FEELS.

"I am partial to the wet dog look" - I was dying. I've only got two days left of student teaching and I'm finished with the actual teaching, so I'm sitting in the back of the room - Anyway, I have to tell you that I almost interrupted the teacher doing a lesson because I was desperately trying not to laugh. One of the best humorous lines in fanfiction. I love it!

I do have one small suggestion (and it's super nitpicky, so don't beat me up :P). "With a gentle whoosh of it, something intoxicating reached her nose." - The "of it" part of the sentence threw me off quite a bit. For me personally, I'd take those two words out to make the sentence flow better. That's really the only thing I saw, Jami, and it's not even a big deal, really :)

"The first time they kissed, they would be each others. Not just friends." - I ADORE THIS. I don't know why, can't explain it, but I ADORE THIS. It's just about the sweetest things I've ever read. It's not overly sappy, but just right. If I'm right, James is thinking this particular part and that just makes me melt. I'm going completely fangirl here and say that is so dreamy. Honest to goodness, DREAMY. If I were Lily and I somehow read his mind on this part, I'd jump him. No joke. Literally on the more perfect lines of the story so far.

I'm so glad that I'm able to pick this up again. It didn't occur to me until now that I've seriously missed this story and its plot and characters. I'm not sure this review made any sense or said anything decent, but just know that I think its wonderful!

Shelby

Author's Response: SHELBY! This was such an awesome surprise!!!

I really want to just ignore your entire paragraph because I have no idea how to respond. But instead, I'm just going to say THANK YOU and flail around like an overly excited fish. You really, really made me smile ♥

Hahaha I can't say I'm upset that you almost interrupted the class :P But I'm happy you managed to pull if off ;)

That's an awesome suggestion! I'll head in as soon as I finish responding and edit it. Thank you so much for pointing it out ♥

That thought of James's made me want to take him from Lily. I'm so happy you think James is dreamy too. He can get such a bad rep in FF, that showing that he can be both dreamy and not a playboy at the same time makes me happy.

Aww I'm so happy you missed the characters! I wish I could say thank you in a better way, but I have no idea how so I'm just going to have to tell you how amazing you are.

I hope you like the next chapter! I think you'll really enjoy an idea I played around with about how the boys transformed into their animal forms. Hehe.

Thank you!!! ♥


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Review #10, by shadowcat2 

24th April 2013:
"We have all the time in the world, right?Ē James locked fingers with her as he spoke.

Is this it? I haven't reviewed this story yet.But I haven't read such a sweet and yet realistic version of James and Lily's story for a long time.

Author's Response: YES! That's the one!! Aww I'm so happy you're enjoying my version of the two of them! Thank you so much for reviewing ♥ I hope you continue to like the characterizations!!

♥ Jami


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Review #11, by Courtney Dark 

21st April 2013:
How are you such an amazing writer!? Give me some of your skills, please! This chapter was just perfect. I adore the dynamics and different relationships between the marauders and Lily, Alice and Belle. And you've managed to make each character so amazingly different, which is always great to see.

I loved that description of Lily's temper: 'That it was like witnessing a tornado touch down into the middle of a wild fire, causing embers to be hurtled in every direction' because I have always imagined Lily to be quite hot-headed.

James and Lily's conversation was so sweet and perfect. And oh my god, that line "We have all the time in the world" made me want to cry! However, I loved the little scene with Sirius and Belle in the bushes. They are two awesome characters and spying on his best mate seemed like a very Sirius thing to do!

I love (wow, I use the words 'I love' quite a lot when it comes to your story) the way you have portrayed Peter's character. I'm so glad he showed his Gryffindor qualities in this chapter - he's actually quite likeable, at this stage!

The Quidditch game was a nice, fluffy way to end the chapter. I can definitely see both James and Sirius as being poor losers and I really liked the idea of Lily playing as seeker. I've never really imagined her as much of a Quidditch player, so that was cool to see.

Another perfect chapter, of course!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: I don't even know what to say to all your nice words, haha. But I can't even tell you how happy it makes me that you're enjoying this.

I know this sounds mean, but I'm so happy that line made you sad. It nearly broke my heart when I typed it, ha!!

Oh gosh feel free to use the word 'love' as much as you want in these reviews :P!

I don't think Lily would be very good at Quidditch. Good enough to do well, but not good enough to play on the team or anything. Poor Lily, haha!

Thank you so much Courtney ♥ You're so awesome!


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Review #12, by patronus_charm 

28th February 2013:
Hi Jami!

Iím admitting defeat about finishing this story by Saturday, as Iím only chapter 6 but hopefully Iíll be up to date by the next Saturday! Iíll also just quickly say I never thought about Amy Adams being Lily Evans, but since seeing this chapter image it does seem to fit her well.

The infamous Violet has reappeared! I was waiting for her to show up and cause havoc again! I loved when Lily was describing what had happened with James, that you made her say a muggle saying. That rarely appears, and itís actual quite strange. I think most people forget that Lily was brought up as a muggle. Iím really glad that nothing major happened between the two of them, but still kissing his neck is kinda weirdÖ.

Iím seeing hints of a possible relationship between Belle and Sirius here. That would be so cool, given how theyíre both sort of aristocratic, and rich, and have family issues.

Ooh and another flashback! That was so cute Lily painting, I could imagine her being a good painter, and the fact that was painting a castle, is strange. Perhaps sheís a seer? Her Dad seemed really nice, and it was just lovely to see what their relationship was like, as we learn so much about her that way. Lily had a granddad called Gallagher? Is he somehow related to the Gallagher brothers out of Oasis, or is this just a coincidence?

I loved how you focused on Lily and Petuniaís relationship in this chapter. It was horrible to see how cut up Lily was about her sister ignoring her, as you really did feel for her, as itís not her fault that sheís magical. That scene with Petunia making it up to her though, was very touching, and it was nice to see some happiness in their relationship.

I was getting a little worried then, about the argument between James and Lily. I just wanted to yell at her, for what she was doing. I mean James canít snog whoever he wants, he and Lily are made for each other, so it should only be her. Then Lily admitted she liked him! I was not expecting that, and I donít think James was either. Itís nice to see that she does want to be with him, just not yet, but I can understand with her parents dying and everything. Then James was so sweet about it as well, it just made me aw so much!

THERE WAS SORT OF KISS! Ok it was on her forehand, and it was probably meant to show that he was fine with waiting and all! But there still was a kiss! Then Belle and Sirius had to come along and ruin it all! It made me laugh though, it would have been so funny to see them hiding out in the bushes.

I really liked Peter in this chapter, it was so nice to he can possess a bit of backbone!

I really liked the idea of the quidditch match it sounded like such fun! I always imagined Lily to be a quidditch player like Hermione in my head, so it will be interesting to see if thatís the case or not. I also liked how you described Remusís views on his transformation, it made me view it in another way!

Another great chapter!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: I love Amy Adams as Lily! She's not my 'perfect pick' since that probably only exists in my head, but most of her photos work really will! I just have to beg heartfelt/pheonixn (who does all my CI) to green her eyes up a bit :P

More about Belle and Sirius comes up next chapter! I'm happy you think they would be a good match :)

I love the idea of Lily having an artistic side. I'm happy you liked her flashback ♥ Nope, is Oasis another FF? My head canon has Lily being half Irish (on her mother's side). Her granda was born and raised in Ireland, and Gallagher is pretty much just a trademark Irish name, haha :P There's a nora roberts series (I'm sucker for romance stories) that uses that last name, and I think that's when I fell in love with it as a surname.

I'm so happy you like the bit of sister-ness in this chapter! We know it isn't just as simple as those two stopped talking for good, because of the letter Lily writes Sirius about Harry almost breaking the vase. And the fact that she goes to Petunia's wedding and her and James have the infamous dinner with Vernon and Petunia, so I really want to show the ups and downs of their relationship through these flashbacks. I feel like I just went on a super long tangent. Haha. Sorry. I'm drinking coffee while responding. Dangerous game, that is :P

I'm so happy Lily surprised you with her admission!! I know a lot of people play out the cat and mouse sort of thing a bit longer.. but Lily's just been through Hell. She lost her entire family for the most part. And James watched it all happen. They both grew up quite a bit over the summer because of that, and I wanted to reflect that with their almost kiss section. I'll though, I should warn you, it's still sometime before they both grow up and decide to date already :P!

Aww yay for Peter! I thought he was fun in this chapter, too.

Thank you so much for leaving me another amazing review &heart; and please know that I won't be at all sad if you don't review every chapter. Not that I don't completely love your reviews, I just don't want you to feel obligated! If you'd rather read a few before reviewing, I completely understand.

Thank you again, Kiana ♥ I'm smiling ear to ear over here ♥


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Review #13, by ValWitch21 

6th February 2013:
Oh, dear. This chapter.

So many lovely interactions, and Lily's memories again &hearts

Can I just say how much I love the parents you portray in your stories? And Petunia apologising, and ugh. I'm too tired to be coherent.

The best part of this chapter, I think, was the detail you put in. Instead of the traditional "and then he used a heating charm", you actually made one up. MADE IT UP IN LATIN -- having done latin for three years, I can tell you, there is NO WAY I would ever have the motivation to try and translate English into proper latin.

I just noticed one small typo: "Alice shouted in a rare show of tempter." Shouldn't that be temper? Other than that, I find absolutely nothing to criticise.

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the typo!! Those pesky things.

I'm so happy you like how I portray the parents in this. I think showing how James and Lily grew up is really important to understand them, you know?

Ahhh haha I honestly just typed it into google translator. But I'm really excited that you liked the details!! I always want it to feel like it fits in with the HP world as best as I can, and JKR was usually pretty thorough about this sort of stuff.

Thank you so much ♥


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Review #14, by AlexFan 

14th January 2013:
I actually really like Peter in this story. In most fanfictions, he doesn't really serve all that much of a purpose. Usually Peter is the wallflower Marauder that's only there because he has to be. People seem to forget that Peter wasn't always bad. I like that in this story he actually serves a purpose and isn't just background. He has the Marauderness in him and he seems like James and Sirius but on a more timid scale.

Author's Response: Hi again! What a wonderful surprise!!

I can't stand when Peter is just thrown to the back either. Despite his terrible decisions later in his life, he was at one point a very important friend. I really hope you'll like where I take his character through this, as well as the rest of the group!

Thanks again for taking the time to review! It made my day! ♥


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Review #15, by Pixileanin 

29th December 2012:
Hello there. It's been too long!

Lily and her temper are something. I must say that she seems justified at first, from her point of view anyway. But when Belle shows up to give her the truth, perhaps she is still too worked up to hear it at first. I loved this line:

"Well, per'aps I didn't want 'im breathing at that moment," she said with a shrug, obviously unfazed as she sat next to Alice and motioned for Lily to do the same."

You put Lily through and incredible range of emotions in this chapter. First, with her reliving her painful memories and sharing them with her friends, she still has a secret she is unwilling to share with them. But I suppose that's something for another chapter. She has a good support group around her, so I know they will take care of each other and give her the encouragement that she needs to get through it all. And then you had her admitting her feelings to James, which probably did both of them a world of good. The way you had that scene unfold was so sweet and touching. We can tell that they care for each other deeply, but it's not the right time yet.

But until then, we have Belle and Sirius to amuse us. I loved the bush scene. Not only did it break up the heady intensity of Lily's admission, but it showed us a lighter side to the group, that they are still kids here and they still have some growing up to do. You even had some Peter time and gave him an important spot too. I love that about this story, that you are trying to balance out all four of the boys. I'd say you are doing a great job with that. Remus' section was well-done also, with his constant worries that he can't share with anyone either. And then the eyes... creepy!

One thing that I noticed was the third person shifts you had in this chapter. I hadn't noticed them before, so I wasn't expecting it. But I can tell you that it wasn't jarring or out of place, and it worked really well in the scene with Lily and James, where you want to know what each of them is thinking without breaking up the scene. I know a lot of romance writers who use that POV for exactly that purpose. It worked well here, throughout the chapter. Is this a consistent thing that I just hadn't picked up on before, or did you just do it for this chapter? Because now, I'm not sure. Not that it bothered me. I have this symmetry thing, so I was just wondering...

What a great read! Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: What a happy surprise!!!

Before I forget I want to address your comment about the third person.. I have no self control. None. I don't think I used it before, not intentionally, and I don't intentionally use it again... I just wanted so bad to get out what they were both feeling but still have it all as fresh as to be in the moment and not as an after thought. I've looked at rewriting that part so many times so I stick with just using third and not really dripping into omniscient, but I just can't. I'm tell you, no self control here.

I really do want to balance all the friends out. Lily and James will always be the stars, Sirius close behind because he's such a large part of James, but I hate when it just seems like Peter or even Remus and Peter aren't part of it so it means a lot to me that you feel like they're all sort of getting their chance to be part of the story.

I don't feel like I'm making any sense right now, but that's because your reviews get me all squee-ie and I just want to huggle you.

Thank you so much for stopping by ♥


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Review #16, by LovlyRita 

7th December 2012:
Here i am, back again with a review for the lovely lady :)

OMG it's Belle! I totally forgot about her... I love how cool and calm she is when she talks to Lily, just like "ok now that ya' done, lemme fix dis." Except less gangsta. And who is this minx Violet Clarke? Poor Lily she is working so hard to deny her feelings for James. It's real too, and as I've said before, it's the perfect segue from I hate you Potter go away to Potter is the love of my life. I love it. (coincidentally, I also love to hate it :P )

Aww poor little eleven year old Lily. All she wanted was for Petunia to love her, she never asked for her hatred and disgust. And her Dad's name is Shane, which makes me giggle only 'cause I had a mad crush on a guy named Shane in 6th grade.

anyway, I really wish that Petunia could have been more tolerant. You've depicted such a wonderful bond between them, that was mended (however briefly) by a tearful apology and it's just sweet. I did a lot of bad things to my little sister too, but I felt like I could really relate to that. Though I didn't apologize until much later on in life. Mostly 'cause I am always right. hahaha

Ok, this scene with James is IN.TENSE. I LOVE the way she reacts to his scent, and I am so angry at her right now! I just want to scream "shut up and just freaking give in to your feelings already! SERIOUSLY." Oh but wait, she totally just admitted that she fancied him. Aww. Super cute.

I'm so glad they had that conversation just now. What a relief! And James, he must be doing back flips inside, to finally have gotten that confirmation that she likes him!

The section which describes Remus' change is really great. It is sad that he can't just hang out with his friends, carefree of sorts, and just play quidditch. He has to constantly worry about where he will be, keeping his secret and other people safe. Poor Remus.

And oh we have eyes watching from behind the stands! Ominous.

Ok, so I finally made it all the way through the chapter and I have to say that is flowed really nicely. When you see that long chapter you think oh my gosh, am I going to get bored during this? And I never once felt a little bit bored! I felt like I was on the edge of my seat.

One thing this chapter was really strong on was description and imagery. Especially that part right before you discuss Remus, when you talk about the way the sun is going down and the fight between light and dark. It was so incredibly described, I adored that part, and it really made me think, you know, how true it is. And it was especially good imagery, given the way you then jump into Remus' change.

I really enjoyed this chapter, this story is so good! I love it, can't wait to read more!!! :D

Ash

Author's Response: Hi Ash ♥ Have I told you how awesome you are lately? Belle gangsta! Love it! And Violet! She made a small appearance in chapter 3, the girl on the train. She's just not the worlds most pleasant person.. :P

I can't stand the 'oh you toe rag oh let's get married' deal either. It just seems like one of those things that would have been a slow progression. In my head she's always been friends with Remus and Peter, and had a very soft spot for Sirius, so she and James sort of just grew into a friendship. Then the whole family dying thing gave her a really good idea of what a good person James actually is.. And ya. Ermmm... I'm rambling :P

Fun fact! Lily's dad was originally Irish. Then I wanted her mom to be Irish instead, but for some reason Shane stuck :P Nora Roberts (yes I like romance novels, I know I know... I don't often admit it!) had a super yummy character named Shane in one of her stories.

Writing about sisters is something I love. My sister and I used to fight so much, but then when we got older and when I move away we became super close. Now she's the person I'm always most excited to see. It's like I have a built in best friend and the best part is I don't always have to be nice to her :P anyway, I really think lily and petunia always thought they'd mend bridges. Petunia wanted lily to apologize first, lily wanted petunia to make an effort.. Then she died. Then Petunia snapped even more and very much blamed harry for the death. And it's all so sad.. Because I think Petunia (at one point) had it in her to be a good person. But I do have fun with the flashbacks because I get the chance to show them falling father apart. Mwahahaha I'm mean.

Heheh yay for intense and and KISS ALREADY was pretty much what I thought during it. But then they didn't! Stubborn characters!

Ahhh I'm so happy this didn't feel boring! I worry about the length of my chapters, but I just can't control it! I think because I started with OF first, I just got used to writing 5-10 thousand word chapters. And I just can't get what I need across without them and and I could hug you for saying that it kept your interest ♥

I am now going to crawl away into a little fan girl 'I love Ash' world. PS! Your name is Ash(ley?) so WHERE DID LOVLYRITA come from?!? My fiancé had an ex named Rita.. Although she's so nice I can't even dislike her :P


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Review #17, by Roots in Water 

4th December 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It was the perfect mix of fluffy lightness and friendship mixed with some progress in personal relationships. I'm really happy that things are working out between Lily and James (though we always knew that they would- it was more of a question of when) and that they understand each other's position. It's nice to know that they aren't rushing into a relationship with each other, since I don't think that Lily's in the best state to embark on something so new and shaky (an opinion both she and you seem to share).

I can't remember if I've mentioned this in a previous review but I think that you did a good job with the interactions between the characters. The Famous Four have a solid friendship that's wonderfully balanced between humour and seriousness and I liked the role Peter played in the conflict in this chapter. It's great to see him playing an important and interactive role in this friendship, though it does make me curious to see why he will turn away from them in the distant future. Will his fears become exacerbated as time passes?

I liked the bush incident with Belle and Sirius- it definitely seemed like a very Sirius-esque action to do. After all, who could resist watching their best friend potentially get together with his long-time crush? Not Sirius, that's who! The scene reminded me of a very similar scene from another fanfiction ("Memory Box"), though I'm not sure if you've read it, since it's been taken down. *sigh* In both stories the spying friends were very amusing. However, I thought that James and Lily's chosen revenge was a little lack-lustre. With all of the cleverness and pranking capability that the Marauders were reknowned for, it seemed a little surprising that he would resort to a simple sprinkling of water. On the other hand, perhaps it was the best he could come up with on such short notice...

I really enjoyed Lily's memory in this chapter. It was very emotional and presented very good reasons for Lily to miss her parents without trying too hard to create the picture of a perfect family. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that the sentence that really got to you was in this section of the chapter (more specifically, was it the line "I'll always love you, Lily"?).

As I was reading I noticed a few mistakes that I'll quickly point out. To begin, with the phrase "that girls fault" it should be "girl's" and with the phrase "Belle told Alice and I the story" I believe that it should actually be "Alice and me". With the phrase "But, I wont" you missed the apostrophe in "won't" and with "Youíre our friend" it should be "friends" plural, since he's talking about both Belle and Sirius.

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read and I look forward to reading (and reviewing) the next chapter in the story. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Yay! I always get so excited when I see your reviews ♥

I know I've frustrated people with the fact that their relationship is moving slowly, so I'm really happy that you understand where that was coming from. This girl has been through something so terrible, that even her feelings for James are still etched in with that. And asking her to risk a friendship that she's become so dependent on, for a relationship that they'll both try their best to make work, just isn't something James would do. He's waited this long, and now that he knows where they stand, he can wait a bit longer ;).

Peter! His story has been one of the most difficult for me. I want him to be part of the group, just as much of a part as the others, so I ended up with a very specific head canon of what happens. Which will, of course eventually come out :P

Wow, you have such a good point about shooting some water really not being that good of a prank. I don't think it was the best they could come up with as much as being the best I could come up with :P. I'm going to have to make up for that with a much better prank in the future.. Thank you for pointing that out!

Thank you so much again for stopping by, and for pointing out the errors! I'm gong to go through and edit those right now :)


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Review #18, by MissMdsty 

11th November 2012:
Hello again! You must be getting sick of me by now...

I loved the James/Lily interaction in this chapter, it was so sweet and emotional, it captures their essence perfectly in my opinion.

In regards to your AN, it was during James's dialogue with Lily, when he said "we have all the time in the world" I just thought instantly "this is what, 1977, they have about 4 years left" and I died a little on the inside.

Once again, I loved Remus in this chapter. A couple of chapters back, before the party, I was actually beginning to wonder where he was in all of this, but it was worth the wait once his character started really becoming part of the story.

As always, good job! Now you're really making me nervous with the eyes staring at them bit (I have an immense fear of being watched when it is dark and creepy).

Author's Response: Getting sick of you?? Not a chance, m'dear!

Yes!! James saying that is exactly what put my emotions on high alert. Just writing it made me sad.. no one thinks at 17 that they'll only have a few short years. And bah :(.

Hahah I know, how creepy is the idea of being watched? These young adults have no idea how close the war really is to them..

I definitely want to give Remus his own bit in this, and I hope throughout the story I can kind of build him up more and more. He's a bit tricky for me, for some reason.

Thank you so much for spoiling me with reviews ♥


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Review #19, by shadowycorner 

2nd November 2012:
I'm so happy I could come back to reading this story and getting so quickly immersed straight away, even after two months. Your characters are vivid and alive, and so likeable. I really love Lily in this chapter. Her moment with James was beautiful. They're so mature and the honesty between them is very touching. I also really liked the message of the chapter, how important it is to have the right people around you. Lily's reminiscing of her parents was lovely and sad at the same time. Especially her moment with Petunia.

Reading this story, one can tell how much effort you're putting into each sentence. I feel great I can be a reader. It also makes me happy inside, because it's James, and it's Lily, and reading about them, especially at this time of year, brings me such joy. Double that when the story is as well-written as yours. I love this, Jamie, I really do.

Liz

Author's Response: Eek I was so happy to see you here ♥

I am so happy you like Lily and James in this. I'm sure I've made them a bit too mature for some people's liking, but it doesn't make sense for me to have people being immature just because they're 17. Sirius has seen more cruelty from his family than most people ever do, Remus had his life torn apart as a child, Peter's dealing with watching his parents hate each other more and more, Lily's lost her family, James has watched all these people he loves go through these losses, Belle ( I can't tell you Belle's yet! Mwahah)... I just don't see why these people wouldn't be mature. So I'm really happy you liked that about them ♥

I know Marauders stories can be so tired and over done, so knowing you're enjoying this has absolutely made my day ♥


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Review #20, by SilentConfession 

11th October 2012:
Guess who's finally here to review!!!??? Yup, mee!! *lollops in shame* i'm so sorry how long this has taken for me to get over here, i'm absolutely embarrassed! Thanks for your patience Jami!!

Right, to approach your first question with characterization. I think Lily continues to be consistent mostly. Although, the first scene seemed weird to me. She seemed to have gotten over Violet's thing in the last chapter so it was weird to see her flying off the handle this way and for her to suddenly really care about it. It made it seem a little forced and awkward. I do like how she's taking charge of herself and what she feels and isn't sheeing away from the topic but willing to talk about her family (or her sister anyway). That leads me to another point, i think you did the flashback well, but it seemed to focus a lot on Petunia which is great in a way because their breakup is really interesting but since they were talking about Lily's parents and how they were it seemed a little out of context to me. However, it did give some nice background information and i'm not sure if i'd suggest changing it really because i liked seeing the positive side of Lily and Petunia's relationship. It'll be interesting to see where that is all going and how it's going to affect Lily.

I think you got across a more light hearted feeling with this chapter. You're characters interacted well together and I particularly liked the Quidditch scene for some reason. I felt like that was a really real aspect of people's lives at Hogwarts that often gets overlooked in many fanfics. I also liked how you steered clear of the 'oh my ays i'm scared of heights, save me' damsel in distress thing which generally irks me.

You were able to capture that feeling of war but also making it seem far removed. It's the kind of conversations i would hear in University when something bad on the other side of the world happened. So i think you managed to get across what you wanted. How they say Voldemort's name is also a nice touch. I've always wondered how people in the Marauders era would approach that, would they be as scared to say it during Hogwarts or did that come after the graduated where the fear of him came to be so overbearing?

On another note, i did notice that this changed POV quite a bit throughout this chapter. This may be my own personal preference but i found it distracting and hard to connect to some of the characters simply because sometimes it felt like you slipped into one only briefly and then went back to your original. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not but i find that since most of your story has been in Lily's POV that this change part way through your story was a little awkward.

I did like Peter's heroics! It made my heart smile a little to see him being clever. It also added to his final choice though because we see that he's good at being clever, sly, and spy like. I do like what you're doing with him so far and the Lily/James moments made my heart smile :D.

Author's Response: Ahhh so nice to see you here ♥! Sorry I've taken forever to respond, RL is a bit on the crazy side.

So with Lily's anger, in Chapter 4 when the incident happened she walked away before she saw who the girl was. Then in chapter 5 she was polite to James, and Alice kind of points that out here that she seemed fine earlier that morning, then we learn while Alice is asking Lily what changed (in this chapter) That Lily overheard the boys talking and learned that it was Violet Clarke (the girl from the Hogwarts Express) that he'd been with. So the fact that it's Violet is what got her all angry again, because James knows how insensitive and horrible Violet has been up until this point. I did just edit in a bit more to try and make it clear that that's why she was angry, but it must still be a confusing. I'll definitely go back through and try and see if I can make it more clear that it being Violet is the reason Lily's angry :). Thanks for pointing that out!

I'm so happy you liked the flashback! I really writing those. So with those, throughout the story I'll be using them to show how Lily and Petunia split ways. So that's why this one, despite it being centered on her and her dad's closeness, involves much more Petunia. We saw her as a young loving girl in the first one, and now we'll start to see more and more of what broke them up through these.

That's exactly what I wanted! The kind of removed sense of fear. Because up until now (well, until chapter 9) nothing has really touched them at Hogwarts just yet. And you actually start to see the beginnings of that 'you know who' stuff in chapter 10. That's always been something I've wondered about as well :).

Bah I know I absolutely use and abuse third person omniscient in this chapter! I had a few random Alice thoughts in there that I've now taken out, so it's just Lily and James up until the end with Remus's section. Hopefully that helps! But I really wanted to get James's thoughts in during the almost kiss, I just couldn't resist, haha!

Thank you so much for this awesome review, and I'll absolutely look over the PoV again to see if there's anyway to smooth out the transitions and see if I can make Violet a bit more pronounced. Thanks so much m'dear ♥


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Review #21, by pennyardelle 

29th September 2012:
Hi Jami! Here I am again, review in hand.

I think it was good to change the mood up, and this chapter definitely succeeded in injecting some levity and warm fuzzies into the story. I do have to admit that I started the chapter off a bit confused at why Lily was so angry with James. I remember her storming out of the party, of course, but then it kind of seemed like she was okay with things in the last chapter. So, for it to then become such a big issue in this chapter actually made me go back to the previous chapter to check if I had missed something. (Maybe I did?) Anyway, though, it was nice to see all of them just enjoying themselves and (sort of) getting along.

Of course, there was also the flashback and surrounding grief, which I thought were really well-done. The way you wrote the interactions between Lily and her dad in the flashback was great; it seemed natural and genuine, and really made me feel sad that Lily had lost someone so important to her. I have to admit that I'm not generally a fan of the big italicized flashback, just because it disrupts the flow for me, but that's just a personal preference.

I liked that you offered a more positive take on Lily and Petunia's relationship. I don't imagine them despising each other, either, so that fit with my own head canon--and, on a more objective note, I think it just makes sense if you consider both Lily and Petunia's canon characterizations. We know that Lily was compassionate and stuck by Snape, so it doesn't really make sense that she would write her sister off. There are other clues in the books that their relationship wasn't so antagonistic, too.

Also on the note of characterization, I like that you gave Peter a bit of a hero moment in this chapter, especially one that revealed some of his spy-like tendencies. And I really liked James in this chapter! Possibly because of all the romantic tension. :P But really, I think you managed to achieve that without going to the shock-value-extremes that people often do with James, which was great.

I did notice some typos in this chapter, but I'm sure you could fix them with a read-through. One was a homophone thing, though, so I thought I'd point it out: "rained in" should be "reined in" (i.e., reins of a horse). Another thing that occurred to me is that it might be worth considering to use "Aguamenti" in the scene where James & Lily douse Sirius & Belle--I think it's always preferable to use a canon spell where you can, because it lends a bit more authenticity to your story, and it seemed to me that the spell you came up with did something similar to Aguamenti, anyway.

Okay, last thing that I noticed that you might want to cast your eyes over again is the section where Remus is musing about the full moon--the tenses seemed a bit wobbly to me in that section. For example, you say "By eleven o'clock his cells will have completely altered", and I think it would be better to say "would be completely altered". The tense you used would make more sense if you had used "before" instead of "by" at the start of the sentence, because it's supposed to describe an action that will take place before an event in the future. Anyway, I'd just take a look at the tenses in that area and make sure they're all consistent and appropriate.

Also, regarding your author's note...I don't know if this was the same line that got you, but my heart did a little James/Lily frown when he said "We have all the time in the world."

Good chapter again!

Author's Response: Yes yes yes that was the line!! I seriously got all hurt feels when I typed that because they don't have all the time in the world!! They have about.. four years to live from this moment and it's so, so, so sad :(. Bah. okay, on to responding.

I am so happy you liked the changed! I'll have to look back over the first section and see if I can make it more clear.. Remember Violet Clarke from chapter 3? The girl who is a bit insensitive on the train ride? Lily wasn't *very* upset when she saw James, and she was ready to get over it, until she overheard the boys talking about it being Violet. That's what set her off again, because he knows the kind of person Violet has been towards her. I'll try and see if I can make that more clear through her and Alice's conversation.. thank you for pointing it out!

I really like writing about the girls, I just finished their next section for chapter 10 when we start seeing a bit more strain. I totally agree with you; I don't think it was an over night change and I think they probably tried to stay close. We know that Petunia even sent Lily a vase for Christmas, so it's clear they didn't just start hating each other the moment Lily got her letter. I hope you liked what I do with the sisters!

Peter! We're bonding. Slowly but surely. James is honestly coming close to surpassing Serious in my fangirlness. I have a lot of fun writing him growing up. He's just such a great man in my head, haha.

Why didn't I think of Aguamenti?? Thank you! I'm about to put chapter ten in the queue, then as soon as I'm done I'll go back through this one and get out the errors, as well as fine tuning the tenses in the last section. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, and all of the amazing ones thus far! The next chapters start to get into more serious issues, so I'm really excited to see how you feel about those!!

Thanks again!
Jami


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Review #22, by Remus 

29th September 2012:
Alrighty! Coffee at hand. Music on...let's review this!! :D

Lily just cracks me up. Seriously. Poor thing! She's just in so much denial about her own feelings towards James and the raging jealousy she's feeling. The more she talks, the more she's digging her own grave. It's fun to watch/read to be honest.

"I've seen you nearly eat Sirius alive for simply breathing!"--guilty of doing that myself! I literally laughed when I read that!

'They shades of emerald green glinting in them were identical to hers, yet Petunia had been the one to inherit his dark brown hair. The word 'They' puts the entire sentence off. Perhaps a typo?

Oooo, I like your take on Petunia's jealousy. I don't think anyone has ever put it that way; not dealing with change and feeling left out. As an older sister myself I can now relate to that in a way. If my little sister were to be going away for almost an entire year of course I would be upset. Angry even. Especially when we're close.

Aww, I also like that the Evans know Severus. Nice touch! Hmm...Petunia apologized...what will make her turn nasty towards Lily again I wonder!

I really enjoyed the little flashback. It gave me a feeling of what the parents were like and that they didn't have any favorites. Just two daughters that they loved a great deal and that seemed to have a healthy relationship with each other (spouse wise) and with their children.

Ugh! I thought James was going to kiss her! I was rooting for him to do it! But I see his point...Still though!! Hahaha!

Ah! She finally admits that she likes James. A bit of a side note, if you want to keep a little British in it like I've seen you throwing it here and there...shouldn't she say 'fancy you' instead of 'like you'? Just a side note! :) Nothing big! Anyway! Finally she admits it to herself but honestly I think, and totally guessing here, she's just afraid of loving someone. The loss of her parents seemed to have mess with her a bit. She loved Petunia and lost her...she loved her parents and she lost them. I can see where she comes from, honestly, and I can't wait to see how you're going to bring these two together in the end.

She would've been shocked to know that James's feelings were very similar to hers. His mind had tumbled into a nearly euphoric state as he thought about what this meant.

His mind had tumbled into a nearly euphoric state as he thought about what this meant."
It seems that you have the same line twice. I have no idea if someone has posted something about it but I figured I should point it out just in case! :)

Belle and Sirius crack me up! Just pointing it out! Hahaha!

The end with Remus was a nice closing scene. And now I'm curious as to what or who is watching them! This was a cute chapter, Jami! :D I enjoyed reading it! So sorry it took over a week to get here but I did it! Your chapters are getting longer I see! Hahaha! I'll eventually catch up!

Until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: I'm sorry this response took me so long!! Bah!

Please don't ever be sorry about when you can review, just knowing that at sometime I'll open it up and see I have another review and it will be from you makes me incredibly happy &heart;

I've gone through and edited what you pointed out, thank you so much for drawing those to my attention! And I am extremely happy that James gave you feels. That man makes me swoon sometimes.

YES! That's exactly it with Lily. She's lost everything, and part of her just can't risk losing more. She's terrified. I'm thrilled you picked up on that!

I'm so happy you enjoyed this warmer chapter, and I have to warn you that the next one takes a darker turn. Lucius may be waiting for you in it ;).

Thanks again Rosie for all your awesome reviews. You're really great ♥


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Review #23, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

26th September 2012:
Guess who? I'm back with another review. I can't believe only a few more chapters to go and I'll actually be caught up (assuming you want me to keep reviewing!).

Jumping right in on the AoC, starting with POV. This chapter was a little different from the others in terms of varying the viewpoints. Before it was perhaps just a single line or two that would shift in a scene and I would point them out because I got the impression they might not have been intentional. But on this one, as you said in the request, you wrote this chapter with the specific intent of showing multiple points of view in the same scene, full on omniscient. I'll say right up front I didn't find it jarring or hard to follow. That wasn't a problem at all. Your writing is more than clear enough that I could follow all the changes without any issue whatsoever.

That said, I'm still more of a fan of saving POV switches for between scenes. I think for me, I like being "left alone" a little to form my own opinions about what characters are thinking and feeling, but when you're in everyone's head, you lose a little bit of the mystery. While that's obviously just a personal preference, I might suggest keeping the POV changes to a minimum where possible. That minimum might be one person in a scene, or it might be ten. But, for example, I didn't think we needed to be in Alice's head at all. She's a secondary character and what's far more important in this scene is what Lily is thinking and feeling. James is a main character, obviously, so I see a lot more reason for jumping in his head. Same with Remus to an extent at the end. But if we aren't *always* going to be in everyone's head in every scene, it can be a bit odd to be in most people's head some of the time, one person's head half the time, etc. Whatever POV *style* you pick, it's probably best to be consistent throughout: in everyone's head all the time, in the head of only two people for the whole story, one POV per scene but that changes between scenes, etc. None of them are the better path, but I think it's probably best to chose one and stick with it.

Sorry, I feel like I'm not providing very good feedback on this point. I'm much better when there is a right way or a wrong way of doing something and I can work from there. But since POV doesn't work like that, I'm left with mostly just my opinion on the matter :P

On to the almost kiss. I think this will come as no surprise to you, but I love romantic tension between characters. I like that you've got a bit of a will they/won't they vibe in this chapter. It's a natural extension of the relationship they've got going, and I think there is a lot in it that's very true to life. I think you're doing a great job of capturing their attempt to handle the situation as maturely as possible, but still recognizing that even with good intentions, our emotions get the best of us sometimes. Lily is a good, kind person and she doesn't want to lead James on, but that doesn't mean she might not cave in a moment of weakness, or fly into a bit of a rage at the thought of James and someone else. And James is a good guy too, but he can't quite make himself step fully out of the picture, even though that might make things easier on Lily. Relationships are complicated and messy even when there isn't a war on the horizon or in the wake of family tragedy, and I think you're really working to bring that through in the pairing.

The Quidditch scene. I thought it was a very nice touch. In fact, I thought it had some of your best lines of the chapter. "Maybe she can toughen you up, princess" was one of my favorites, though I also really liked the line before it about giving a bat to a girl who already wants to hit Sirius, and later in the chapter when Remus thinks about James and Sirius being "awful losers." Throughout several of the chapters, you've tossed in these really great lines. You've got such a knack for capturing that so-close-we-can-be-mean-to-each-other vibe between the guys. They brighten up the whole chapter. I love it.

The memory. While I'm not a big fan of scene interruptions, and the rest of the chapter was pretty much one giant scene (that sounds negative, but it isn't meant to be -- just that the scene takes place over a relatively short period of time), I did think it was very nicely written. It was such a poignant moment, both between Lily and her father and Lily and Petunia. It's really interesting too that you showed the sisters making amends. Obviously we know it doesn't stick so it will be interesting to see how you take us from that moment in time to they way Petunia ultimately comes to feel about Lily.

Overall, another strong chapter. You write length so well. Most people don't take the time to craft scenes this long, and while not every story could support chapters of this length, I've got to say I never feel like I'm reading a 7k+ chapter when I'm reading your story. You always keep things moving forward. And the ending of course. Just that one simple line and the reader is totally compelled to push onward. Just when you think we're having a sweet little moment between friends...

Can't wait to see where we go next. I hope there is more Bella soon!

Author's Response: Okay okay, I'll try and stay in one head at a scene! But really, I do need to. I will definitely edit Alice's PoV out of this, and remind myself that just because I'm in every ones heads, doesn't mean that the readers need to be. I'm happy this didn't feel jarring though! I have really noticed the difference after I've adjusted some of the smaller ones in the previous chapters you've reviewed, and it does make it much smoother to stick with one brain per scene.

I really find myself loving writing just Marauders scenes. A big one, more of importance than length, comes up in chapter 7, I'm excited to see what you think! My fiance is one of four brothers, so I see a lot of that brotherly type teasing and I think comes out in my writing.

If the Petunia and Lily work out along side the memories the way I want them too, you'll find out after the Christmas meeting how everything fell apart. I know I know, I'm horrible about ruining surprises. Anyway, I'm really happy that you liked the memory. I find myself really loving the Evans family.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH it means to me that you think I write length well. I can't help myself. I just had to split chapter 9 because it was going to be over 10,000 words. I think it has a lot to do with starting out with OF as opposed to FF. You get used to writing book length chapters. But saying that it doesn't feel that long is the best compliment ever.

I'm rambling, right? You reviews make me mushy. And you're an awesome reviewer. You make me see my work in a positive light and offer CC that I really agree with, all in one rolled up delicious review. It's like when you bite into sushi, every single part of it is good. The spicy wasabi is the CC, all enhanced by the fresh fish and perfect fillings.

Okay. I'm running off of 5 hours of sleep, please forgive that this made no sense. ♥






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Review #24, by SunSation Gal 07 

16th September 2012:
Ow, her kiss burned his neck? That had to have hurt. And way to go Peter! And they almost kissed! Giving James a lot of props for going slow for Lily. So sweet.

Author's Response: James is such a sweet boy, right?? He melts my heart. Hahah she's a sneaky girl (Violet, that is ;) )

Thanks so much for reviewing ♥


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Review #25, by Lumos_x 

29th August 2012:
Aaah. What a gorgeous chapter.
I loved the Petunia/Lily memory, you told it beautifully. What made me like it even more was the fact that you know what happens between them, making the last line about Petunia's apology even more emotional. As was the ending - the way you described everything through Remus' point of view made me smile. It was very sweet and touching.
A funny line from James was definitely "Maybe she can toughen you up, princess," It just seemed so perfect, because it sounds exactly like something James would say to Sirius! :D

Author's Response: I am so happy you liked this chapter!! I feel the same about the memory, and you'll actually learn my version of what happened to the sisters through those.

Hahaha I'm happy you liked that, it's important for me to keep a sense of adolescences despite all the dark things going around them, because they still deserve that.

Thank you so much for this awesome, and unexpected review ♥


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