5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Deltaris 

18th July 2012:
I like how this centers around Severus instead of Salazar. He's such a deep, complicated character, and this was great.

'Lily, Potter and their baby' - the way he thinks of the Potters in his own mind is great. It really shows the different ways in which he views the three of them. Lily will always be his first love, Potter bullied him throughout school and 'stole' his love from him, and Harry is the child he wished he had with Lily. Even in just doing this, you really show his feelings towards them.

I love the little touches you added about Severus's and Lily's childhood. It was really sweet and touching :)

I did see a few mistakes here and there, but where as this was done for task one and in so little time, it's to be expected. Overall, I think this was really good.

Del<3

Author's Response: Thank you! This is an amazing review, totally loving it :)
ML


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Review #2, by luvinpadfoot 

12th July 2012:
Another great story from a Slytherin! I think this is the first I've read that doesn't center around Salazar which is a welcome change. Severus is great in this story. I loved how you tied the different scenes and conversations together, even him creating the Veritiserum.

You tied all the prompts together quite well and they didn't feel at all forced. The story ran smoothly and it was a pleasure to read. =)

Slytherin House Cup 2012!

Author's Response: Thank you! I love writing Severus and Salazar was too difficult.

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Review #3, by NaidatheRavenclaw 

11th July 2012:
Ooh, what an interesting take on the prompts!

Really fast, I noticed a few errors. You switch into first person for this sentence: "Sure enough we could both see the ball move against current towards the bank of the river and before I could even say anything Lily had run down and gotten the ball out of the water." Also, you have quotation marks missing in a few spots.

Other than those errors, this was a wonderful one shot! It takes a lot to give me a fresh take on Snape, but you've done so here with his application to be Potions Master. I've actually never seen it done before. And the conversation about dragon's blood was great as well. Dumbledore seemed so in character at that part, which is difficult to do.

It's a very different use of the prompts and one that I thoroughly enjoyed! Nice work :)

-Naida

Author's Response: Hey,
Thank you! I'll change the errors, thanks for pointing them out for me.
I'm glad I gave a fresh take on Snape, I love him. I was very nervous about writing Dumbledore, I don't think I would have ever if not for this Task.
Thanks again :)
ML


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Review #4, by Dark Whisper 

11th July 2012:
MoonLily,

Ah, what a very personal and indepth view of Snape.

Yes, he has much to work out from the first war. He has lost so much and somehow must learn to live with everything. :(

Good job getting into his thoughts and feelings, as I think he is a most complicated character.

Dark Whisper
Go Slytherin!

Author's Response: Thank you!
I don't know how, but I'm in Snape's head :P
GO SLYTHERIN!!!


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Review #5, by TyrannicFeenix 

8th July 2012:
Couple of things I noticed while reading through.


'her sister and to proof him that she did indeed was a witch'. I think you mean to say 'her sister and to prove to him that she was indeed a witch'

'learned about in should but had not practiced before in class' think the should is meant to be school, yes?

'wanted me to proof if I indeed was' again i think it should be prove not proof

'start after Christmas hols or if you' don't know why you shortened the holidays to hols but it feels kind of off for Dumbledore


Good fic overall, the extreme spacing is a little annoying, might be worth fixing up (if it doesn't work for you in the advanced editor you can switch to the simple just for getting rid of the extra returns, had the same problem with one of my chapters a few weeks ago).

Nice seeing a good fic from Snapes perspcetive. I think we'll see alot more of these nowadays. Very good work.

Author's Response: Thank you for noticing those things, I reread it a couple of times but when you know what it should say you tend to overlook them. I always have a problem with the spacing, for some reason it's always correct when I do it and than after validation it goes all wonky. I realize it's hard to read that way.
Thanks, I love writing Snape. For some reason I always end up writing him for House Cup challenges, my Slytherin Pride I guess :P


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