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8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WeasleyTwins 

12th August 2013:
Hello Becky! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back here! I should be kicked.

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy the excerpts at the beginning of each chapter? We get to see Rose as writer and also Krum as an emerging character without him appearing yet. It's genius and something I don't see often in fanfiction. I like how the excerpts have a different writing style than the story's, giving it an genuine quality.

I have to tell you that I laughed several times -

"And somehow Rose couldn't imagine Viktor Krum being up for a chat in the loo."

"Rose found herself looking around the room as though expecting to see him ducked behind one of the large swivel chairs or else crouched beneath the table like a child playing hide-and-seek."

Honest to goodness, I was just dying with laughter. The images those two sentences create are too funny, at least, to me! Very smart on your part for they broke up Rose's tension very nicely.

I'd like to say that I love the symbolism behind Rose's office. It's much like her grandfather's. They both started at the very bottom and move upward (assuming that Rose rises in ranks, but again, she obviously writes a book, so I'd say that's a yes). It also connects the two of them in a very subtle, understated way, showing that the hardest workers often take longer to reap the benefits. Or maybe it's just a Weasley thing. :P

I have a feeling that although Krum is going to be hesitant and whatnot, that he'll warm up once he finds out that Rose is Hermione's daughter. That's just a hunch though. I'm very curious as to why Krum has no idea about this book deal and why the lawyer seems to be orchestrating the entire scenario. For that reason alone, I don't like Brooks. Maybe I should, but I don't. He's too much of a shrew and has an attitude (guess that's why he makes a good lawyer!).

I wish I had more to say to you, Becky, but I've got nothing! Your descriptions and characterizations are impeccable. This story should win a Dobby award this year - you will in my book, anyway! I can't wait to continue reading! ♥

Shelby

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Review #2, by Beeezie 

15th July 2013:
Oh, dear.

I know Heart said he didn't want a sports writer, and he wanted someone to give Krum depth, but as a huge sports fan, the cynic in me could totally see what he was saying, and the sad part is that I can also see how it would play to people, especially he's an athlete. Stories about fallen athletes with substance abuse problems are a dime a dozen. Redemption stories are something everyone seems to like.

And, if it wasn't already clear that Heart was very bottom-line, get-the-story-at-all-costs, this definitely would have hammered it in. Sending Rose in unprepared like that was ridiculous, and I'm curious to see how she handles it.

And, of course, once again, you made a great choice in what you chose to reveal in the excerpt of Rose's book at the start of the chapter. But that's nothing new.

Lovely, lovely job.

HOUSE CUP 2013 - RAVENCLAW

Author's Response: I had to play around a lot with just why and how Rose would find herself in the position of writing Krum's book. It felt like she needed to go into it without any real bias, so making her a sports fan didn't feel like a good fit. But why else then would she be given the job? I'm glad Heart's reasoning felt sound. He wants to give Rose a chance at something big, but he also wants to maximize profits.

Thank you for the string of lovely reviews. I'm so tickled you picked to read a few chapters on this story for the House Cup! Thanks again!!


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Review #3, by Dark Whisper 

12th February 2013:
Well, based on the excerpt, I don't like his second wife too much. She seemed to have spent an awful lot of his money. Yikes.

Heart is definitely right about this opportunity. It is HUGE and others would be knocking down his door. I like it that he said her writing had heart. He seems to be a master of knowing what will sell, even knowing that the story needs 'heart' to be a best seller. Even I want a copy... preferable signed by Krum, of course. :P

And Mr. Brooks, now here is a more typical lawyer. He sure seems confident, condescending, with a lot of blanks for her to fill in. I have to admit, I too am interested in Krum's "situation," but I'm just another Quidditch fangirl. Rose has no idea... yet.

Great story, G-Wiz. It flows really well and you leave us wanting more.
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so happy you picked up on the bit about the second wife, since she has a big part to play down the road.

I do sort of see Heart as a master businessman. He isn't exactly lovable, but he does know what he's doing, and Rose can respect him for that. And hooray for more Quidditch fangirls!!

Thanks for another lovely review. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!


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Review #4, by CambAngst 

15th January 2013:
Hello, hello! Looking forward to another fun-filled dose of Dances with Krum, starring Rose Weasley...

I'm really starting to get into the way that you water-drop a little more of Viktor's sordid and kind of sad life story with each passing chapter. If you follow American sports to any great extent -- and I'd assume the stories are similar in most other countries -- Viktor's story is definitely familiar. You take a young man or woman who doesn't understand much about money or fame and suddenly they're being showered with unimaginable amounts of both. Then one day it's all over and they wind up squandering all the money trying to find something else that gives them the same thrill of competing at the highest level.

Moving along to Rose's section, you accomplished something that I thought was really tricky. Heart is right: Rose should be drooling at the opportunity to write Krum's story. This is the break she's been waiting for. The opportunity to tell a story where she doesn't even have to invent the characters or the plot. Hence the tricky part. I thought you did a really good job of selling her reluctance. She has lots of mechanical reasons why another author would be better suited to the task, but you wrote it in such a way that it's apparent that there's something more to it. She doubts herself, and that came through really clearly.

Let's pause for my favorite exchange in the entire chapter:

"What did I tell you when I first hired you? Do you remember what I said?"

Rose thought for a minute. "Don't be late and don't ask for overtime pay?"


That was Vaudeville-worthy!

Heart's tack on writing Krum's story makes perfect sense, given the conversation that he had with Rose two chapters ago. He doesn't want another celebrity scandal tear-down and he doesn't want a testosterone-laden "guy book" full of Quidditch war stories. He wants a human interest story where Krum has skin in the game if he really opens up to Rose. The old man is clever, no doubt about it!

Ha! I love Heart's reaction to Rose saying she'll think about taking the assignment. You've created an amazing character in that one. He doesn't take no or even maybe for an answer. Give him an inch, he'll take your ruler.

Your description of Rose's sad, little office was really nicely done, and it fits beautifully into the way you've built up her life. It's one more sign of how she hasn't quite managed to reach the point in life where she wants to be. And it led to my second-favorite line of the chapter:

"But on a clear day, it let in just enough sunlight to illuminate the room and convince Rose she hadn't been relegated to working in a glorified broom closet."

The scene with Krum's lawyer was suggestive in a lot of different ways. For starters, it's pretty apparent that Krum either no longer has the capability to manage his own affairs or he no longer cares. Whatever the case may be, Peter Brooks seems to be a far cry from the young, tentative attorney that Heart verbally abused two chapters ago. He seems eager to get friendly with Rose, but not because he's a nice guy. His pushy, condescending manner seems to indicate that he thinks he's going to be able to control the direction of Rose's book, whether by virtue of nondisclosure agreements or sheer force of personality. I'm glad that she stood up for herself just a bit, and channeled some of her frustration with her boss into making him keep his distance.

Overall, you did a good job of moving the story along and setting up Rose's inevitable first encounter with Krum. I'm not sure whether it happens in the next chapter or sometime later on, but there's absolutely no doubt that it's going to be interesting.

I noticed a few typos as I was reading that you might want to take another look at:

"She stared at boss, but he had already turned his back to her" - should be "her boss"

"... bargain hunters and tourists, all jostling there way on and off..." - should be "their way"

"... located in the center of the office suits." - suites?

A most enjoyable chapter. This story is really good and I have a feeling the best is yet to come!

Author's Response: Haha, Dances with Krum. The title that could have been...

I'm glad the snippets of the book are starting to grow on you. In addition to avoiding backstory overload, I included them to contrast the two characters. There is meant to be a subtle comparison between the snippet and what happens in the chapter that follows. Like this one talks about Krum living lavishly, compared to Rose working in a broom closet. I don't know if anyone ever picked up on it while reading, but that was at least part of my intent. And I am a pretty big sports nut -- at least when it comes to baseball -- so I definitely didn't have to stretch too far to imagine Krum's fall from grace.

I'm glad you bought Rose's reluctance here. I think Rose has her good points, but I wouldn't say self-confidence is one of them. And I'm glad you liked that line. Even well-mannered Rose can't help pushing Heart's buttons. It's just too easy sometimes. As for Rose's "lovely" office, let's just say I know where she lives on that one.

Peter will be another recurring character. He's got his own stake in all this, which once revealed, I think make him more sympathetic than he comes off here, though he'll never be exactly warm and fuzzy.

Gah, that's a lot of typos. Thanks for the heads-up. With the exception of two later on, none of these chapters have been beta-read, so I guess I can't be that surprised. Thanks for pointing them out.

And thank you for another lovely review. I hope you aren't feeling obligated to read this because I'm reading your story. Of course, I don't *mind* that you're reading it, but I know relationship dramas aren't everyone's cup of tea. Thanks again!


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Review #5, by shadowycorner 

6th December 2012:
Oh man! I really nearly fell of my seat in DISAPPOINTMENT because I expected Krum to be there and sparks to fly oh and I don't know...and there's this Peter character instead, pfft! Well, it's nice pacing at least, because this way I'll definitely read more, not that I wouldn't any other way, though. You sneaky writer, it's a hidden cliffhanger, that's what it is! I guess I won't complain because the next chapter is right there, waiting to be read (YAY!).

The writing is really smooth and I love that, because I just read and read, not skipping a single word. I understood how conflicted Rose must've felt about the offer. It sometimes happens that there's this great offer you get, but something just makes you hesitate. Perhaps her instincts are warning her she's about to plunge into a complicated scandalous affair? Oh boy, shut up, instincts, don't ruin the story!

And wow, so Krum doesn't know about this? Will Rose like pretend to be his friend and secretly dig information. Well that's not very nice, lol, but I guess this happens all the time. I feel like I'm really witnessing tough publishing business here. Do you have real experience with that or is it all thought up, I'm wondering? Either way, it's really well-done.

Aw, poor Rose, crammed up in her apartment and her office. That's like my life. My dorm-room is like a box, too, but I'll take something from Rose and stop viewing it so negatively, I mean, I DO have windows that are more than just a crack under the ceiling.

I'm really liking this story so far and it's been great reading another chapter! :)

Liz

Author's Response: Oh, no. I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to be a disappointment. I just figured Rose and Krum deserved to meet in a place with a little more atmosphere ;)

I can't think of a better compliment than to hear that you find the writing to be smooth. I take a lot of care to try and get it that way, reading lines over and over again until they flow as well as I can make them. *squeee!*

And no, I don't have any publishing experience, but I'm glad all the tidbits I've included sound plausible.

LOL, I hear you on the dorm room. My first office was barely big enough for a desk and completely lacked any windows. Maybe this is my revenge -- taking it out on Rose.

Thank you again and again for all the reviews. If you decide to read any chapters in the future, I hope you enjoy!!


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Review #6, by Jchrissy 

25th July 2012:
You cliff hanger-ed me!

Okay, I really have a soft spot for Heart. I have spot in my heart for Heart. hehehe. Lame puns aside, I think you are doing something amazing with the contrast between him and Rose. I also enjoy you slipping subtle hints about him in. Like Rose noticing his bare ring finger. I'm now curious if it was his time spent at work that helped the (I assume separation) along, or if his time at work escalated to make up for him now spending time by himself.

Anyway, I am probably reading way too much into his character, I just really like him.

The comment about Rose having enough goody two shoes in her to make up for Krum - LOLed. It was great, and another reminder of what a great thing you are doing with her. For some reason this site seems to be littered with stories revolving around her getting pregnant as a teen with Scorpius's child then her parents hating her. Not that there aren't some really decent ones that follow that plot line, there's just tons of them. So it's really great to see Rose put together, sweet, kind, and serious about her future.

She seems like a very perceptive person so far and I think that will probably come in handy when she's interview Krum.

Okay, now onto an actual review-review not revolving around your amazing characters.

Your writing style is great to read. It's real, it's intoxicating, it's a story. Enough detail without suffocating me in descriptions, and so clear that I can hear your characters talking in my head. How we build a story as writers is really what matters the most. Errors, cliches, a story can have a mountain of those in them (yours doesn't have any, just making a point here) but if the Author builds an intoxicating story with amazingly infections characters that for some reason you just care about then it's going to be a great story. And that's what you're doing.

You mentioned in one of you author responses you are trying to transition into Original Fiction. I want to let you know that so far you already have. Yes, this is Rose Weasley and she's a JKR name. Do we know anything about her? No. She isn't a created character. She's your own, and you're truly making her that. I don't think you should be at all nervous about writing OF because it's obvious you have have the talent.

Anyway, what started as a review spree for the HC now has me hooked! I was so excited to get time to read another chapter for the last week or so!

Great job, see you soon!

Jami

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad you are still enjoying the story. So many of your comments are right on the nose of what I'm thinking; it's great to know the words in your head are coming out the way you mean them.

I didn't intend to write Rose differently from how she's often portrayed, but I am very glad that she offers a different perspective. She is a good person, trying to do good by others, only she just doesn't always know the right thing to do. "Knowing" her parents, I can't see her any other way. And you aren't reading into Heart too much at all. The issue with his wife will prove an important part of the story down the road.

Gah! Thank you so much for saying my writing feels real and like an OF. Those are absolutely my two main goals writing this. I want to write a good story, of course, but I'm also trying to improve my writing, keeping it grounded and crafted similarly to "typical" published fiction (if there really is such a thing), and move next to full on original works. I can't think of a nicer compliment at this point in the story. It's great to know I'm headed in the right direction, even if there is still plenty of room for improvement.

Thank you so much for a lovely review.


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Review #7, by Cirque Du Freak 

22nd July 2012:
I feel like this such an important chapter, because there's such a huge jump from the last couple of chapters. All sorts of things unfold that we didn't even know they had to be unfolded, especially in the next chapter! (if that made any sense whatsoever)

So I'm shaking it up a bit and I'm going to straight to the chapter and leave the CC til later.

Can I just say again that I absolutely adore Heart's character? He really is the most pragmatic 70-something year old I've ever seen and he's absolutely brilliant at what he does. Really, he can be such a... soft-touch when it comes to Rose and then he goes back to his usual loud exterior - he just has that certain je nais se quoi about him that really his fabulous in an older character! I like the little hint you put in also about his wedding ring - oh the small scandals of grouchy bosses! :P

So, you can get more of a feel about Rose's character again where really she is quite sensible, like her mother in a way, but she goes along with other people and its not because she's not in control - its because she really does want to do it and she's just in denial. No, really, I know you better than you think Rose and you are far too intrigued to let something like this go!

Mr Brooks definitely makes an interesting character as well considering I've read ahead and he really you make him out to be quite sweet in a way - I almost hate him for it because its that sort of characteristic that'll get you killed if you mingle too much with an unsavory crowd. That and nice people irk me a little, because they're just so genuine and it annoys me when I can't be like that. But that's jealousy for you. :P

And oh how it unravels when Heart hasn't mentioned anything to Rose at all and oh how brilliant it is that Rose goes along with the charade anyway. ;)

And now time for the CC:


"At least that was Heart's [arguement]." -- argument.

"city living made [it's] way up to the fourth floor" -- its for posession.

"wizards will never do as [good] as muggles" -- good is an awkward word for this sentence, 'well' might to better here.

"documents that were [peaking] out" -- peeking.

"I'm Mr. Krums' agent" -- Krum's.

"I assure you," he added [quicky]" -- quickly.

"she knew must be red as a beet by now" -- I feel like this is a bit awkward again "she must be as red" would be better and, as a Britpick, we say beetroot.

"Why don't we have a seat." -- question mark instead of a full stop.

And, that's all I could find!
Again another fantastic chapter. :D

Hannah xxx

Author's Response: Yikes again to the amount of typos. You'd think I don't even bother to read through my chapters before I post them. Thanks again for pointing them out. I ended up giving the chapter a pretty good edit the other day. I think I fixed all the mistakes, though I'm sure I incidentally created new ones.

I'm so glad you continue to like Heart. I ended up toning him down a bit in a few places since I was afraid he was turning into a bit of a caricature, but I still do have a fondness for him and the role he plays here. He actually knows Rose pretty well, and though he occasionally uses that knowledge to manipulate her, he also uses it to push her out of her comfort zone. He knows she's a good writer, even if she doesn't.

As to Brooks...honestly, he's a work in progress on my end. Things about him seem to just tumble out of my brain. I don't know how I feel about him since I don't think I've worked out all his motivations yet, but for the moment, he makes for a good go-between for Rose and Krum. I originally was going to have Krum be there to meet Rose but that just didn't seem to fit the image I had of him, just sitting there at the office. I wanted a better first meeting for the pairing.

Thanks once again for being so lovely and reviewing this. I wish I had a better word than thanks, but I really do appreciate all the feedback!


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Review #8, by maskedmuggle 

14th July 2012:
Ahhh the brilliant Joseph Heart strikes again. Poor Rose! I have to admit Joseph was very, very believable and I would never have guessed that little surprise ending to this chapter! It's actually so enjoyable reading about Rose and Joseph's interactions and chats - his dominating character manipulating Rose is just so fascinating and also kinda amusing. Yeah, I was definitely surprised by Mr. Brooks. And now I'm even more eager to read the next chapter to finally find out about Krum's situation!

This chapter's excerpt was even more interesting! It makes me even more eager to know how Krum could fall so quickly from indulgence and lavish lifestyles. Another awesome chapter! And amazing writing throughout as well :)

- MM

Author's Response: Thank you once again for such a nice review. I don't know what to say about Heart. He's manipulative to the core, but he honestly does care for Rose. It makes for an unusual dynamic...one that she'll also have to face with Krum to some degree.

And I'm so glad you liked the excerpt. I think they'll only get more revealing moving forward, at least until the writing of the book catches up with present time in the story.

Thank you again!


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