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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie 

15th July 2013:
Yeah, again, I loved the excerpt at the beginning of the chapter. It's nice to get the backstory bit by bit like this - as I said last review, it's a great way to give the reader (or at least, this reader) relevant information that doesn't readily fit into the narrative in a graceful way.

I really enjoyed the interaction between Rose and Albus this chapter. (Well, I'd better have, since it was most of the chapter!) I felt like I got to see more of Rose's personality than I had when she was at work dealing with her boss's rantings and ravings, and again, you worked some interesting information about her life in quite nicely. Maybe Albus is right that she's no fun anymore or maybe he's not, but the perception does say something about her character, and this chapter really started making me wonder along with Krum who had gone over the edge in this affair.

(Maybe both? That's usually the right answer.)

HOUSE CUP 2013 - RAVENCLAW

Author's Response: Isn't writing backstory the worst?! It's so true about having to try and insert it in graceful way!

I'm glad you enjoyed the Rose/Albus bits. Al turned out to be a more important character than I anticipated. He doesn't really influence the plot, but he has a way of holding a mirror up to Rose and making her take a look at herself and her life.

And I think both is the right answer! At least that's what I hope readers walk away with by the end.


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Review #2, by WeasleyTwins 

14th July 2013:
Hello Becky! I'm back again.

I read your response to that last review - I pretty much love that you're one of those authors who wants to be "readable." It's refreshing. Being an English major was so difficult in college because all we ever read was Literature-with-a-capital-L. Enjoyable sometimes, but an easy read? Almost never. But anyway, I like that you don't strive to try and meld "Literature" and fanfiction. You just give us a good story. A really awesome story, actually.

Anyway, the story! I love Albus and Rose here. So realistic, so not your typical, I'm-Harry-Potter's-son-and-therefore-I'm-the-best-in-every-aspect. It's refreshing to see these characters with some personality and some reality about them.

I do have one little nitpick - you're fabulous at dialogue (I ENVY you, really, I do), but this one sentence at the beginning was a bit off for me: "What’s the matter?" - I don't know, it just seemed a bit stilted. The rest of the dialogue is so off-hand, very natural, but for me that sentence is stiff. "What's wrong" or something like that seems more appropriate. But, I'm nitpicking, ignore me.

You always tell me that you enjoy a good ending to a chapter. Well, Becky, you sure know how to write one (What am I talking about? You write /everything/ with brilliance). You're tying in the first chapter now, but we don't know until the next one, and even then, maybe not! It's great suspense without being facetious.

It's all impeccable and I feel bad for even nitpicking at one line. I enjoy every chapter more and more. I fear I'm going to run out of things to say very quickly, and I'll surely run out of adjectives with which to praise you!

Shelby ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Shelby. And thank you! I don't have an English or literature background, so all my college reading and writing was always, "just the facts, ma'am." I think a part of me still crafts stories like they're essays!

I'm so glad you Al and Rose in this chapter. Giving characters personalities is one of my favorite parts of writing, and the farther from perfect they are, the more fun it is.

Thanks for pointing out that line. I don't mind nitpicking or CC of any kind. I'll definitely give it a second look. Dialog is always so tricky, especially when you're trying to hear it as it's spoken in a country you've never been to!

I'm so glad you liked the ending! This is the only story I've ever written start to finish, and it was a learning process, especially with pacing. But I do try to write with the philosophy that every chapter should end with some sense of where we are headed next -- to keep that forward momentum -- even if we don't know how it will play out.

Thank you for this lovely review. You're going to give me a big head if you keep saying such nice things!!


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Review #3, by academica 

6th July 2013:
Hey, here for this month's review battle :)

I like how you made Rose and Albus pretty close because it indicates that the friendship suggested for them in the canon epilogue actually happened and ended up continuing into their adult lives. There's something comforting about that continuity to me, and I think it helps to ground this story despite the introduction of unfamiliar territory (next-gen adults, a depressing Krum, et cetera). Don't get me wrong, I like the edgy tone of this story, but even this tumultuous moment just made me feel more at ease with the story and I appreciated it especially since I haven't been by in a while.

I like your Albus a lot, too. I don't read a ton of next-gen but it seems like often Albus carries some childish qualities into his adulthood, especially if people like James are there to overshadow him. But your Albus seemed like a regular guy, and it was sort of nice in a weird way to see him struggling with independence just like Rose. He's been dating the same girl for years but is having trouble forming an adult relationship out of that, and Rose is having to face financial independence and avoiding having to move back in with her parents (if that's even an actual option for her).

Overall, the characterization is just very nice here, and it'll be neat to see what happens next with the book. I also liked Rose's very rude neighbor--she was sort of amusing in a Dursleyish way, but mostly she just made me feel really bad for Rose, who faces the additional obstacle of concealing her true self from her bewildered Muggle neighbors.

Nice work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi, Amanda! Thanks so much for tagging me for the review battle.

I'm so glad you liked the introduction of Albus and Rose's friendship here. He isn't a main character in the story, but he does pop up every now and then, usually to point Rose in the right direction, even if he doesn't know he's doing it. I see them as having an almost brother/sister dynamic, both far from perfect but a good balance for each other.

I'm glad you liked Al as a character too. He really is meant to be an "everyman," just trying to figure life out, making that transition into full adulthood. They are both in that phase of life where they have left the nest but haven't really created nests of their own yet.

To me, Mrs. Larson is part Dursley, part Mrs. Figg... and not in a good way :P

Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate the comments!!


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Review #4, by Dark Whisper 

12th February 2013:
I love your book excerpts. You are giving us glimpses into her writing while giving us the back story of what happened to Krum.

You describe her little space very well while giving it a character all its own... especially the sloped ceilings and a kitchen fitting for a doll house. Love that!

I like it that Al comes around and confides in her about what is going on in his life.

And love the note by Heart. No need for a signature. :)

Great building chapter.

Reading on...
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like the excerpts. I was hoping it would be a fun way to introduce some backstory without slowing down the story too much.

I'm kind of partial to her little apartment, myself. I think it's suits her current lot in life.

Hehehe. I'm glad there was no question about who the letter was from ;)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #5, by CambAngst 

9th January 2013:
Hi, there! I loved the new review on CoB and I've been wanting to get back and read more of Over the Edge. So it looks like I've found my chance!

This was definitely a change of pace after the first two chapters, but good stories need that. Slow chapters help to round out the characters and introduce complicated plot points, as well as giving the reader a little time to put the "big" developments into context. I think you accomplished all three things with this one.

First and most importantly, you did a really good job of filling in the picture of Rose Weasley and her life. It's definitely not all glory and -- pardon the awful pun -- roses. She's struggling a bit to establish herself in the world like a lot of mid to late-twenty-somethings. She's overworked and underpaid and she basically lives in an attic. It seems that she's become a bit distant from her cousins and school friends, except for Al who leans on her for emotional support. She doesn't have much -- any? -- time for a social life and the difficulties of living in a muggle neighborhood complicate her life.

Once again, I loved your vivid and nuanced descriptions. The picture of Al sitting dejectedly on the front stoop of her building was perfect. I also loved the way you painted an image of Mrs. Larson. I had this great mental picture of a grumpy, rude, shut-in old lady from an 80's sitcom who lives with her nine cats and only gets out to grocery shop and play bingo.

For his part, Al seems to be having a whole different struggle to find his way in life. Whereas Rose has settled into something of a rut in a job that feels... beneath her somehow, Al can't seem to settle into any sort of rhythm. You touched on it very briefly in describing Rose's first book, but I find myself wondering how much the fame of their parents impacted the way that Rose and Al's lives turned out. Whether Rose is deliberately avoiding the "glory" that her parents live with while Al is constantly searching for something as fulfilling as he imagines his father's great accomplishments to be. Or maybe I'm just waaayyy over-thinking things. ;)

I sort of wish Al had finished his thoughts about Rose's life and job, although it was probably good for him that he didn't. I have an idea where he was heading with it. She's growing up and leaving him behind, in a way. He's also being dragged along with her, perhaps not completely willingly. Sometimes it sucks, growing up.

Anyway, the last bit of the chapter brings us right back around to the central plot, which was a really good way to end it. I feel like I know Rose and her life much better now. Looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Wow, what a treat to log on and see such a nice review.

This definitely is a slower chapter, particularly as compared to the first two, but hopefully it wasn't too much of a drag. But as the reader spends the rest of the story in Rose's head, it seemed only right to give her a proper introduction. I'm glad you felt this chapter did an okay job of giving the reader a sense of who she is and where her life is (or isn't going). That was definitely my objective here.

No, I don't think your overthinking it at all. Actually, in future chapters, I try and establish that at least some of what Rose does is a direct reflection of her parents. It's more in terms of her insecurities in relationships than the job she chose, but it's definitely in my head canon that all the Potter and Weasley children would carry some burden of their parents' pasts, even if they don't realize it. Okay, now I sound like the one way overthinking it.

As for what Al was thinking... The end of that sentence should have been "back when you were still writing." But that's a truth Rose just isn't ready to hear yet so, yeah, it's probably best that he kept his mouth shut :)

Thank you for such a fantastic review. I hope you get a chance to stop back again sometime.


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Review #6, by shadowycorner 

27th November 2012:
I am in danger of addiction. I really like this chapter. They're grabbing me more and more. We've had a more of an insight into Rose and her life. The starting line just made me snort with laughter, about the high-heels...I know that feeling all too well.

The language in here is flowing so smoothly. Sometimes when I read fics, I find myself skipping over some parts, or reading really fast, but not this time. I was as if glued to the chapter, reading every word. I also liked Al's visit. They seemed to have a nice relationship, even though they've obviously grown apart. The dialogue between them felt familiar and close, I really liked it. Also, it wonderfully showed how stubborn and sort of looking-for-a-conflict Rose might be. As in, you said something, and now she just won't drop it. It reminded me of both Ron and Hermione in different situations, so kudos for that. I like seeing Rose reflect some of R/Hr's traits, because I basically adore them to the moon! I also sympathize with Rose a lot because her living arrangements and daily schedule reflect mine a bit. Also in the point of having to listen to a friend complain about a relationship going through the same issues and no advice will ever help. I wonder why Rose got so immersed in her job in the first place, whether it was just naturally and the job was unexpectedly busy, or whether she went willingly into it, seeking to seclude herself somehow? I'm just speculating because I'm really liking the character you're giving her so far.

Mrs. Larson is really an old bat. You described the nosy snooping neighbor aspect about her spot-on. I've had a neighbor like that and I didn't even need to be a witch. It also sort of gave me a strange feeling how she jumped at Rose. Foolish Muggles, freaked out by anything a little unusual!

The letter at the end just killed me. I loved how apparent it was who wrote it. You really managed to give Heart a voice that is certainly recognized, lol.

It's midnight here and I really have to get back to my heaps of home work, so I'll stop for now, but I'll definitely be back. :) This is great so far!

Liz

Author's Response: You are spoiling me way too much with all these wonderful reviews. I can't thank you enough for all the time you've taken to post them.

I'm so glad you're liking Rose so far. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a bit of me in her, at least in terms of her current stage in life -- starting a career, tiny apartments, not seeing much of old friends. I think there are some truths about being in your 20's that even wizards can't escape. And I'm so glad you see Ron and Hermione in her. I've really been working hard to craft her as a character I could honestly believe had been raised by the two of them. They pop up more in later chapters. If you read on that far, I hope you find I did them justice.

Ahhh, good old Mrs. Larson. I too have had a few less-than-wonderful neighbors in my day. They do seem to be everywhere.

Thanks again for the R&R!!


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Review #7, by lia_2390 

26th August 2012:
I love how you introduced your characters! From a look in to Rose's work life and the obvious conflict it creates with her family, to Al's girl problems, and the wicked old lady who lives down the stairs, and who can forget - Joseph Heart. Each of them are parts of Rose's life, and all of them are very different people with their own personalities and issues which you've hinted at.

Looking back at the prologue, I really like the way in which this story progresses. It's like something I would see in an action movie, and I think it's brilliant. Another thing I liked was the excerpts from the book. In a way, you're telling a story within a story (storception - sorry, I had to). You're telling us how Krum slowly unravelled over the years instead of leaving it for one chapter where he blurts out everything. I only saw one author do that before.

I really enjoyed this chapter!


Lia

Author's Response: Thank you, Lia. I'm glad you liked the first few chapters. Most of the story will be about Krum and Rose's relationship, but I thought it was important to get a sense of who Rose is as a person through her job and her family before jumping right into the romance.

And I'm so glad you liked the clips of the book. I had the same thought: the reader needs to know this information but having Krum spew all this at Rose would not an interesting story make!

Thanks again for the R&R. I do love these review swaps!


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Review #8, by Cirque Du Freak 

22nd July 2012:
Hullo again, aren't you getting ever-so tired of me popping up continuously? (This reviewing streak won't last very long, but I'm trying my best to keep going seeing as if I stop I'll do something stupid like not review until December - and that would really be bad)

Again, there's loads of Britpicky things that I could do with here, such as, colourful, neighbour, neighbourhood, meagre - honestly, its just me being really picky! :P

And, as usual, here is the *rest* of the CC I can offer:

"[There] self-imposed exiles from each other’s lives" -- again, their for posession.

"Haven't even been there two [month] yet." -- months.

"partially-eaten [bag] of crisps she kept stashed" -- careful here, we say 'packet'. ;)

"bothering to ask Rose if wanted any more for herself" -- missing a word between 'if' and 'wanted', I'm assuming that mean to be 'she'?

"friends when you had as many [singlings] and cousins as she did." -- I think this was meant to be 'siblings'?

"There was nothing besides her [own] name" -- as I mentioned before you don't need to have this in a straight-running sentence.


Ack! So we learn loads more about Rose and the extent of her social life so far! :P
Aw, poor dear is so overworked when she has to listen to someone like Heart moaning and cussing their way through a long tirade of...who knows' what, haha. I could almost feel the tiredness of Rose emanating through the computer!

And, yay, we've now met Albus and his lovely demeanor of gliding through life as one pleases, or rather when he gets bored (I totally agree with the relationship bit there of him & his girlfriend playing up for the drama of it all - it must be jolly good fun to spice things when they both get bored!)

And the plot-ness continued with the marvellous cliffhanger from the brilliant Heart! He really loves to move everything along, doesn't he?

Another very enjoyable chapter!
Hannah xxx

Author's Response: The answer to your question is an emphatic no. I shall never be tired of you popping up and leaving reviews. They are wonderful!

Yikes, so many mistakes. I'm going through and correcting the ones that are typos/grammar errors straight away. I don't usually fix British spellings since I'll never remember them all going forward but I've changed the terms like packet for bag and such. Thanks for the heads up on those, as well as the mistakes. It's amazing how many different terms we use!

I'm glad you liked Albus. I wanted him to be a fun contrast to Rose and her more serious attitude. I'm so glad you commented on his relationship status too. I'm trying to weave a pattern in Rose's life about how no one really has their stuff in order when it comes to relationships: not Heart, not Albus, and in future chapters, not her brother or her parents. Yet they still make it work...somehow.

Thanks for another lovely review! I'm treasuring each one.


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Review #9, by Jchrissy 

18th July 2012:
Rose better watch out, her neighbor already seems like trouble.

Anyway, I love what you've done with her. She seems so grown up and is much more patient than I've ever seen her depicted, but she still has enough tempter to stand up for herself. I thought Al was going to get his head bit off.

Al, I really, really like Al. I don't read a lot of next gen types, so I don't see much of him. I love your version, though. I do feel sort of bad for him because it seems like he really could have used a night out with his cousin.

Speaking of, the line about not needing to make friends when you have this many cousins, is great! And so true!

You're writing really is great. From the first sentence I become part of the story, and again I nearly forget I'm reading a FF which I like.

I also think the idea of adding an exert from the book at the beginning of the chapters is a very creative one. I'm already a curious person, so it makes me want to know more and quickly! I haven't skipped ahead yet... that's a miracle ;).

Like the previous two, your descriptions are perfectly placed. I tend to skip over descriptions if they get to be too draining, unless the story is meant to be more of a poetic one (like a few of Melissa's) Yet you make sure I have a clear idea of what's in front of me then let your story do the rest.

Jami

Author's Response: Thank you once again. I'm not used to all these lovely and thoughtful reviews. Thank you for taking the time to leave them.

I'm really glad you liked Rose. I know she's often depicted as pretty hot-headed, but with Ron and Hermione as parents, I just don't see her turning out that way. Ron may have a bit of a temper but I don't see the children of Hermione Granger getting away with a whole lot of sass and attitude under her roof.

I'm also really glad you liked the inserts at the top. As the author, I like them because they are going to save me from giving a lot of backstory within the chapters themselves. For the readers, I hope they pique some interest in Krum, since his appearances will be sporadic early on in the story.

Thank you again for the review. If you ever get a chance to read more, I hope you enjoy it.


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Review #10, by maskedmuggle 

13th July 2012:
Hey!

Another fantastic chapter! :) YOUR WRITING HAS ME SPELLBOUND with every sentence! It was nice to see another side of Rose outside of the office, nice to get an idea of what the rest of her life looks like, what it was like before her job. I've always liked Albus Potter, and this Al is no different. He's not perfect, which is good, and his relationship with Amelia sounds very tiring, but I get a good sense of his character here.

I think it's cool that every chapter you have kinda focuses on a new, different character. Are you planning to keep this up or will you be eventually recycling characters as the story progresses? I was just curious, since there's only 5 chapters out so far! Aha Mrs. Larson - it's just an entertaining twist seeing this old lady/Rose arguing over the owl. I imagine any muggle would be greatly annoyed by frequent owls. Also, I just figured out something that is very slow of me, but amused me nonetheless. Joseph's last name is Heart but he doesn't really have one. (Yes, really slow of me!) Hehe. I liked the note he sent her, and it's a good ending to the chapter!

I liked the Viktor Krum excerpt once again! It's cool that each time is from a different chapter! And with more free time – and more freedom – than he could ever remember having, Viktor was determined not to let his fortune – or what remained of his youth – go to waste… Hmm, how did he get from that mindset to what I saw in the prologue? So many questions! Moving on.. really enjoying this :)

- MM

Author's Response: Before I get to the specifics of your review, can I just say...thank you so much for reading my story! You're reviews have been such an encouragement, especially after receiving no feedback at all on the last few chapters. While I write because I enjoy it, it still means a lot that someone out there is enjoying it too. Anyway, I just didn't want to go any further without expressing my gratitude.

Now, on to your review!

I'm so glad you liked this look at Rose's other side. Her job is a big focus of the story, but her family will also play a large role in future chapters and I'm trying to slowly incorporate them. Early 20s is an odd age, I think, when it comes to family. Rose is too old to live at home but doesn't yet have a family of her own. She's stuck in the middle a bit. And yes...tiring. That is the perfect word to describe Al and pretty much all his relationships.

I'm not totally sure on the chapter titles. I hope to do mostly unique titles for each chapter, but I may run out before it's over. And I will be using Krum again on chapter 5, but mostly because it picks up exactly where chapter 4 ended.

The book excerpts...I'm actually kind of enjoying them myself. Writing a writers writing is kind of fun! And oddly enough, I've found that each clip actually foreshadows something in the chapter below. I wish I could say I planned it that way, but it's just sort of happening.

Thanks again for the R&R.


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Review #11, by Faux Pax 

24th June 2012:
I like your interupration of AL. In most stories he's the more level headed potter. And i would think there would be charms and such up to keep muggles form noticing the owls.

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked Al. Interesting idea about the owls. Based off the references to all the owls spotted by muggles in HPatPS, I imagine nosier neighbors who lived near wizards might be prone to seeing them now and then, especially in crowded London :)

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