Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alexaemd123 

2nd December 2013:
Wow...im excited! Can't wait to read this! Sounds pretty amazing so far!!

 Report Review

Review #2, by SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot 

18th October 2013:
Okay, sistahh friend. (Assuming you are female, if not, then honorary sistahh friend!) What can I say about your story, besides that I think 'tis fate I stumbled upon it on this unlikely day? I haven't been on this website in literally like three years. I had pretty much forgotten it even existed, until today, when a random tickle in my head suggested I check what this website has been up to in my absence. I saw this story on the Featured section, and it caught my eye. The cover is stunning, the summary you provided even more so. But, to be honest, what really caught my attention was that the actors you chose to "portray" Rose and Viktor, so to speak, are Karen Gillan, and - wait for it - Michael. Freaking. Fassbender. 'Twas love at first sight with this story. I knew that anyone who would choose to use Mr. Fassbender's amazingly gorgeously scrumptious likeness on their cover was someone whose story I needed to feast my grubby little eyes upon. And feast I have thus far, my writer friend!

Since the first sentence, I could NOT stop reading this gem. I was a helpless little fish (with stunningly beautiful scales, of course) minding my own business in the river when BAM! You caught me, hooked me, reeled me in, and threw me from my oblivious existence into a magical flowing rainbow of a river, shades of Intriguing Plot, tints of Witty Dialogue, and colors of ZOMGASDFGHJKL all make up this delightful rainbow.

I have only been able to read to Ch. 7 or 8, as it is time for this gal to go to bed. But I am so glad I found this story, because it is entertaining and Forbiddduun Romaance makes my heart go BOOMBOOM, baybe. I will review more tomorrow and go into detail. This review is weird and rambling because I'm tired. BUT YOU SEEM DELIGHTFUL, AND I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE A TUMBLR SO I CAN STALK, ER, FOLLOW YOU ON IT, AND AND AND MICHAEL FASSBENDER ASDFGHJKL! xD

Also, Viktor/Rose is honestly one of the weirdest pairings, but...they way you're writing it is captivating. And - and I mean this as a compliment! - so far, the way you write them doesn't make me think of Rose and Viktor from HP, it makes me think of YOUR version of them. You've made them your own in this, given them your own voice, which is great! It makes this feel more like OF than FF. Both of which are fantastic, of course. :)

Take care, and God bless! AndtellmeyourTumblrnameifyouhaveoneplease. Xoxoxo. :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by Beeezie 

15th July 2013:
I really love what you've done here. We know so very little about Krum, other than that he was a relatively decent sort of guy who liked Hermione and got a lot of glory when he was still very, very young.

But that's enough, I think, to make this work and to make it plausible. It's not shocking that someone exposed to so much fame so soon would end up getting swallowed by it. The bitterness and distress I can see in him fits so well with that backstory, and I'm really intrigued to read on.

HOUSE CUP 2013 - RAVENCLAW

Author's Response: Thank you, Beeezie! The fact that we know enough about Krum to give him an interesting backstory but not enough to have to obsessively worry about keeping him in-character all the time is one of my favorite parts about writing him.

I'm glad the set-up feels believable. A lot of people can handle fame well, but I think being exposed to it so relatively young increased the risk of sending him down a bad path.

Thanks for the review!


 Report Review

Review #4, by WeasleyTwins 

7th June 2013:
Hello AW! You've been so lovely to review "The Seams" that I wanted to return the favor and review something of yours!

I must admit that I was a bit wary at first. I mean, Rose and Krum? It's definitely not your normal fanfiction story, but then, those are often the best, aren't they? Anyway, I figured, why not give it a shot and see what you've got up for sleeve. I'm honestly so glad I decided to just go for it. I'm already so intrigued and I've got a thousand thoughts and ideas running through my head about this story and it's only the first chapter.

There's nothing better than a good first chapter. You've definitely delivered that here. I enjoyed your stylistic choice to reveal their surroundings, still mysterious, a couple of paragraphs further into the piece. You didn't heap on loads and loads of descriptions before you began, but started almost immediately. It was like a slow transition into the scene - it reminded me of one of those opening to a movie that starts with a partial view of the scenic visage and then the characters appear - I thought it was a perfect way to begin the story.

The moment I became hooked was when the man in the suit said, "What will people say? Especially when they hear you screwed the mother too." It brings up so many questions! Why would Rose become romantically involved with a man who was also involved in such a manner with her own manner? Would that not repulse her or does that, in some way, fascinate her? Of course, how does Ron take the relationships, both past and present? So many questions - at once it is slightly disturbing and fascinating. I like that you're exploring a topic that is so different for the fanfictionr realm. Relationships with such a large age difference (thirty years!) are rarely written with justice in fanfiction, unfortunately. For some reason, I have this feeling that yours is going to be so tasteful. A large age gap is a bit of a taboo where I'm from and so the idea is super interesting for me!

The dialogue and descriptions were beyond reproach, even the glimpse of characterization we see was impeccable. I did see something that caught my eye. Not to nitpick, but the wording of this particular sentence threw me off a bit from the natural flow of your prose (which is fabulous, by the way!). The sentence: "The little of his body that was visible was dressed in a dark green uniform." - It's the first part of the sentence that is a bit stiff. I don't mean to nitpick and that's just my opinion, mind you :)

Overall, I enjoyed this so much. I like originality, and I like that you're taking a risk (at least it's risky to me! :P). I cannot wait to see what's in store!

Wonderful!

Shelby

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Shelby! And I apologize for taking so long to respond to this lovely review. I know the pairing definitely isn't for everyone, but I appreciate you giving the story a look even if it wouldn't be your first pick. I've had so much fun writing the characters, it makes me so happy that anyone is willing to at least give it try :)

I'm so glad you liked the way this opened. I think most of us who write see their scenes unfold like a movie in our heads, but I do also like to draw a bit from the way movies are structured -- the way a really well-edited film is sort of tightly woven together. I don't always achieve it, but it's at least something I aim for.

I'll admit, I put that line in there to raise an eyebrow, but I definitely tried to steer clear of tawdry-ville as much as possible throughout the story. I love playing with relationships, and when I started writing this, I was really drawn to all the combinations of odd interactions that could pop up as the pairing played out. I think I was just as excited about exploring Rose and Krum's relationship as her subsequent relationship with her parents once word got out. Hopefully as the story progresses, the characters grow enough to be bigger than the odd situation they find themselves in.

It's not nitpicking at all! I cringe a bit when I reread some of these earlier chapters, so I appreciate you pointing that out. It is a little clunky. I think it might be that double "was."

Thank you again for such a nice review. I really, really appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #5, by Haronione 

7th June 2013:
Ok, if I'm honest Krum is not a character I have ever really thought much about or been too interested in reading fanfic about.

However, this was a really intriguing prologue. It has definitely left me wanting to read on to see what events have led to Krum's predicament here - and where exactly he is. I really liked your character interactions and how you've written Krum. I am interested to find out who the man in the suit is and why Krum got so angry when he mentioned Miss Weasley.

Sorry, I have no CC for you!

I love your writing style and the novelty of this. I am glad I stepped out of my reading comfort zone and clicked on this story :)

Author's Response: Thanks, Haronione!

I was never all that interested in Krum before I starting writing this story either, but thank you for taking a look, even if the characters aren't really your usual taste. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter anyway, and I'm VERY glad you decided to set out of your comfort zone too. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!


 Report Review

Review #6, by patronus_charm 

30th March 2013:
Iíve been meaning to get round to this story for ages, and as it was the holidays I finally had some time to read it!

Wah! The start was just awesome! Iíve always wondered what happened to Krum, I mean I never hear him mentioned in any next gen story which is odd as he was one of the few celebrities mentioned, so I loved what you did with him! I can imagine him as a drug addict for some reason.

He really does seem to be the fallen man, with being interrogated, and now writing a book about his life, and trying to bribe the interrogators with it. Itís almost sad to see how far heís fallen as I always liked Krum, but I guess itís only natural for someone that young to be so famous, there were bound to be repercussions.

I loved the reference towards Hermione. Iíve always shipped those two ever since the Yule Ball, so it was rather crushing to find out sheís with Ron, but for Krum to now have a thing with Rose! It took a while to get my head around, but now they seemed to be the perfect after chapter one!

It was a great first chapter, and I canít wait to read on!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hi, p_c. I'm so honored you'd spend some of holiday reading my story.

I always wondered why there aren't more post-Hogwarts Krum stories too. There are a lot of Quidditch stories but enough Krum love!

Krum is a pretty broken man at this point, and for much of the story, actually. I won't pretend I psychoanalyzed it *too* much, but I thought it was an interesting way to take the character, especially compared to someone like Harry, who was famous since he was a baby but didn't know it so perhaps didn't face the same sort of pitfalls.

Hooray for Hermione/Krum! I always liked that ship too. I know Rose/Krum isn't to everyone's liking, but I'm glad the idea is already growing on you a little.

Thanks so much for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #7, by TheMarauderChick 

2nd March 2013:
Wow, I really like where this is going!

I swear, when the guy first said 'Ms. We . .' I thought he was going to say Ms. Wednesday, not sure why XD

This angle you've taken on Krum is really interesting. I've always wondered what happened to him after DH. Did he ever find a girl? Whatever happened to him? Di he vanish into thing air?

He's obviously done something bad to land in Azkaban, and I want to know what it is!!! It also makes me wonder who exactly would want revenge on Krum and how far will the go? (obviously pretty far)

This first chapter adds alot of suspense and relaly makes me want to know what happens next. Really nice job!

-Sankavi ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks, MC. I'm glad you liked it. I always wondered what happened to Krum too. He couldn't go on playing Quidditch forever, right? And I'm really happy you found the first chapter suspenseful. That's definitely what I was aiming for.

Thanks for the review!


 Report Review

Review #8, by Dark Whisper 

5th February 2013:
Ooh.. I do like me some Krum with a side of cheese. Mmm... 'sKrumptious.' :P

I would try to write him myself if I thought I could write his accent decent enough for people to understand. You do this very well, I might add.

Your first chapter is very intriguing and it begs for questions to be answered in future chapters... like how he landed in jail. And how in the world did this unusual ship develop so much for him to cry at seeing her name on that book? And my, oh my, what is in that book?

I love the reference to him being with Hermione! Very intriguing.

I also have to say that I like the "Full Summary" so that we can get a better glimpse of what is happening.

Fantastic first chapter. Really well-written.
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Thanks, DW. I've become quite the Krum fan myself -- accent and all. You should totally try writing him sometime. He's a lot of fun.

I'm so glad you liked the chapter. I was definitely trying to open up a lot of questions here, and of course, I had to put in *something* about Hermione.

Thanks so much for the R&R. And sKrumptious? I may just have to borrow that sometime!



 Report Review

Review #9, by spreaddapoo93 

5th February 2013:
Hello!

I am instantly, undoubtedly intrigued by the first chapter (I sort of have a basic idea of the summary, so I skipped the deliciously long story summary you wrote at the end of this chapter (I like that train to hit me partially unannounced! :).) I just assumed it was to draw people to continue reading, and I am completely sold... If you feel it is integral to the story, please give a reply and tell me to quit being a snob and read the darn summary :D

I love the visual image that has been created - smoky, dingy, crisp ... The suspense and drama is top of the range; and getting past the visual imagery you've ingeniously and dexterously woven (from the description of the smoke and stubby nub of a cig in Krum's hand to the fascinating and almost sullied - by the man in the suit of course - biographical book) , your dialogue and characterisation is gorgeous.

Viktor Krum and his self-assured self-deprecation - I love his sharp, stinging remarks back at the other bloke.. From his accent, down to the poignant words "Weíre the ones who like to do the killing. Itís no fun if theyíre already dead inside.Ē to witty banter "rain check." Ah! it perfectly captures the Krum that you've created here - a disgraced, broken hero...

I really enjoyed the Man in the Suit. Even that glorious title/name. eerily generic - who could he possibly be? It is indeed a powerful device, especially naming the chapter after the mysterious but evidently the upper-hand man.

I am in love with your first chapter. Tremendously well-written!

(P.S. To half-sheepishly include the fangirl aspect of my experience for the sake of honesty: I am a self-proclaimed geriaphile - a term i made up and have no idea of its validity: meaning one who obscenely loves obscenely older people - so coming across your fanfic really made my day :D

I have been searching for something like this for so long! :D I look forward to reading more and founding out WTH is going on!

P.P.S. Excuse me for my wild scatter-brained review... It really is all over the place. And way too many smileys - I'm THAT kind of a gal - the vulgar smiley-perpetrator.)

Much adoration and admiration,
spreaddapoo

Author's Response: You're not being a snob at all! Feel free to ignore the summary. There is nothing in there that isn't revealed eventually :)

I'm so glad you liked the chapter. I was trying for a gritty feel here, even in the sort of sterile white environment, so hopefully that came through. And I'm really glad you liked Krum. He's been so much fun to write -- sort of blunt and crass, and both self-confident and down on himself at the same time.

It's great to hear you actually LIKE the idea of the difference in ages for the characters. Thirty years is quite a gap, and I can understand people being hesitant to give it a shot, but it's nice to hear from someone who's super open to it. And don't worry about all the smiles. There is no such thing as too many smileys in a review!

Thank you for the R&R!


 Report Review

Review #10, by CherryBoom 

13th January 2013:
I'm definitely intrigued. =) You got me right from the short summary, since I haven't read any similar fanfics before. I haven't actually ever thought about what kind of future Viktor Krum might have after the war, but I can see it happening.

You used HP elements quite sparingly in the prologue. It felt more like it could belong to Dennis Lehane's book, or somewhere similar. But I love that kind of stories, so this is right up my alley. In fact, as soon as I had read this chapter, I checked how many chapters you've written it, since I prefer to read as much in one sitting as possible, if the story is particularly compelling as this most certainly is. I'm quite thrilled that there are so many chapters ready.

The plot is amazing. It's really original, and most importantly it has potential to keep readers on their toes. I'm also very intrigued to see how you will make full use of the mature rating. I've been quite hesitant to write mature scenes myself, since I'm not quite sure how far I can actually go. So this is going to be interesting in that sense as well.

I loved the dialogue and the suit guy. Apparently Krum doesn't know him yet, but I've good feeling that we will see more of him soon. =) The emotional ending was very well done. Usually I quite dislike the idea of reading the end first and then getting back to the beginning (at least I think that might be how you will write it), but I was very surprised how well it worked for you. Yeah, I'm sold. I promise to leave you more reviews, if you keep me as titillated as this first chapter hints. =P

Author's Response: Thank you, cherry! The magical elements are pretty sparse throughout, but I do my best to keep the characters canon (at least in personality). I'm glad to hear this might be your type of story. It's actually almost complete (just about four chapters left), so if you do get a chance to read more, it will be finished soon.

I was very leery to try a Mature story. It isn't so much mature in the graphic sense, as it is mature in the topics (substance use, mostly), and also just being more about adult problems. But it's been nice to push myself and try something new. And don't worry, I've been on staff for five years and I still get second opinions on content from time to time :)

I'm glad you liked the man in the suit. He will certainly be back in a big way in the future. And I'm glad you didn't mind the flashback, even if it isn't your favorite style. I'm kind of fond of writing prologues that are out of time-sequence with the rest of the story, but I can see why others might not like it as much.

I do hope you decide to read more. I'm always open to any and all feedback, good or bad. Thanks for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #11, by AC_rules 

10th December 2012:
Hulloo there!

Okay, so everyone else was reading this story and I wasn't sure I could resist the urge to come and hit this up too.

I've hardly read any of your work, I don't think, so first I have to say that your style is every bit as lovely as I was expecting it to be. This was so easy to read and smooth and nice that I feel like I could happily read this whole story in one stint, but I was expecting that.

I've seen this story around quite a bit in the recently added and stuff, and I've got to say that the most interesting bit about it was the idea of a washed up Viktor. I think it's because he was thrust into the limelight as such a young age, it's hard to map out a course of his life after an early career and the war and the chip that he quite obviously carries on his shoulder without seeing it end in some sort of inane mess. And the relationship with Rose... gah, I just really want to know how that's going to pan out and what everyone has to say about it. I know it's bad, but it just smacks of so much drama and - oddly - you already have me slightly behind it through this first chapter. I think it probably is because of Krum's reaction to Rose being mentioned, and... welll, I really just want to be a fly on the walll and watch it all transpire and crumble.

Anyway, this was definitely an intriguing first chapter that leaves me really wanting to read the rest of this, so I suspect I shall be returning to this story every shortly :)

-AC

Author's Response: I won't lie, it was such a nice treat to see that you'd tagged me for the review swap. Clearly, you're a bit of a writing bigwig around here (congrats on reaching #10, by the way), and I'm actually a little embarrassed that this was the chapter you read. I really don't think it's my best by any stretch, though I'm really glad there were some bits and pieces that caught your eye.

What you said about Krum was exactly what I was thinking when I started plotting this story. All that fame and pressure at such a young age. Once his playing days are over, there's real potential for collapse, and what has he got to fall back on? And I'm so glad that even with the pairing being odd, there was enough in this chapter to give you pause in thinking that it *might* actually work. It's meant to be shocking, but only to everyone else. To them, it's just love... sort of.

Thanks so much for taking a look and leaving such a nice review :)


 Report Review

Review #12, by Remus 

10th December 2012:
Perelandra from the forums here!

So I did what everyone was doing...and snuck over to read this instead. Hope it doesn't bug you! And now that I remember...didn't you ask something about how the book publishing works and I gave an entire rant about how we would get advance readers and what not? Haha, if not, ignore me.

Anyway! Like I tell the other authors, I usually read and review as I go along however only a few catch my attention, suck me right in that I just can't stop to write a bit of a review. As expected, I didn't find any grammar or punctuation issues. I absolutely enjoyed the flow (which was what sucked me right in) and the mood and setting were fantastic. I guess what I enjoyed the most was the the fact that you didn't start right at the beginning but instead allowed us to see how messed up Krum is before telling us what happened. At least, that's what I will happen.

I'm a very detailed oriented person so I managed to imagine everything in my head without any issues. I hate it whenever some authors just don't add mood nor setting leaving me to imagine them in a dark room just talking in monotone voices. The flow that you had with your narrative built up the scene for me without being too wordy, something I'm very guilty of, and I really liked that about this prologue.

There is really not that much to say about this since this is just the beginning. I have a lot of questions but that's good! This first chapter piqued my curiosity and now I want to read more about it.

Until next time

--Rosie

Author's Response: Of course I don't mind! I actually think the opening to the other story is much better written then this chapter, but I'm not one to turn down a review. And you're right. I did post some publishing questions on the forums. There is actually a shout-out to you at the start of the next chapter for being so helpful.

I'm so pleased to hear that you liked the chapter. This one was pretty scaled back in terms of setting, at least for me, but I'm really glad there was still enough to help build up a mental image for you. I'll admit, getting the mood here was tricky, and there are parts that I still don't like, but I guess that's what happens when you write something outside your norm. I've never really attempted "gritty" before.

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review. And thanks again for the info you posted on the forums. It really helped me a lot when I was getting this story started.


 Report Review

Review #13, by Roots in Water 

8th December 2012:
Hello! I'm here for the Holiday Review Swap.

I will start off by saying that this is such a captivating beginning to a story. Starting at the end (or somewhere in the middle)... Allowing us to see just how far Viktor has fallen and the intensity (and complexity) of his emotions towards Rose Weasley... I'm very curious to see where this story will go.

I think that you've done a beautiful job with your description in this chapter. Viktor's despair (well, no, not quite despair... Depression? The low to which he's sunk?) pours off the page and the tenseness is quite evident as well.

Your characterization is very good as well. It's really interesting, because you've managed to age a character we saw only sporadically for about a book and a half believably, and put him into a situation I'm sure that no one thought would happen. Viktor Krum- involved in a relationship with someone thirty years his junior? Viktor Krum- a Quidditch has-been? Injured too badly to play?

Viktor Krum and Rose Weasley... Though the pairing is unusual, you already have me mostly sold on the idea because of the passion Viktor displayed in this chapter. It really makes me wonder what exactly happened to their relationship; how they dealt with the multitude of problems they faced, none the least of which was probably Ron and Hermione's reaction.

Your summary at the end of the chapter gives many questions and hints as to the many problems they will face during this story- but it gives no answers (as I suppose a good summary should do). I'm very curious as to where Viktor is, for the man he's with for the majority of the chapter seemed a little too rude and aggressive for a mental hospital (though I've never visited one and this could actually be typical behaviour in one...).

I'm sorry if this review seems a little jumbled- I'm a little on the tired side. But I did really enjoy this chapter and I'm certain I will read on to the next when I next have time. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you, Root. I didn't think your review was jumbled at all. I appreciate the time you took to read and review the chapter.

I'm glad you liked the characterization of Krum. He's fallen a long way from the boy in GoF, but hopefully the changes are believable. Once he's not able to do the thing he'd been famous for from such a young age, might it not sort of push him off the deep-end? At least that's part of what I'm playing with in terms of his character.

And I know the pairing is a bit odd, but it makes me glad to hear that you can already buy into it a bit. There relationship isn't all scandal. They do genuinely care for each other, and in the end, I hope that readers can root for them as a pair.

And you're right, I don't think that would be normal treatment of a patient in a mental hospital. This is actually meant to be more of a prison. It's only truly a madhouse in Krum's mind.

Thanks again for such a nice review!


 Report Review

Review #14, by justonemorefic 

8th December 2012:
Love the opening paragraph, something about middle-aged men and slaps can't help but pique a bit of interest. Viktor's deadened gaze, too, on the cinderblock wall, and then dropping the truth of the location - a madhouse. Love love lovely ways to write the setting, because it is quite something to describe a featureless room :3 I will say that parts of the beginning were a touch confusing, like in the man in the suit was forced to watch as his captorís attention seemed to drift further, it seems to say that Viktor is the captor, or maybe I'm reading it oddly. The beginning of their dialogue, was a little slow, due to the way the descriptions and the dialogue were intercut - but again, might be how I read. I think it's mostly due to paragraph breaks and possibly the frequent phrases; the additional description slows it down, especially alongside dialogue tags, and it is sometimes repetitious (lifeless, devoid of all emotion).

But oh man, once you rile up Viktor. I really wish I could pronounce government pig like him. His first mention of the book, actually, that's where I sort of sat up straighter. It's meant to jar, I would think, and it's so Krum, that casual narcissism we know from the books. And I've always felt that he is stubbornly emotional, so as broken as he seems, I was waiting for him to snap, and I wasn't disappointed :D The image of Krum facing his new book when the man holds it up, when he taunted but moments before, and the fact that it was supposed to be a surprise. I would've liked to see more of the suited man's reactions overall, but his parting words were totally chilling, and lordy what a set-up. I loved how you set up the importance of her name and the slow leadup to the last lines, because it absolutely made them.

It's great to finally read a bit of this fic after hearing of it and seeing it updated so often! ♥

Author's Response: Your review sums up a lot of how I feel about this chapter. I really don't care for it all that much for many of the reasons you mentioned (though I did fix the typo you pointed out, so at least that part isn't so confusing anymore!). I really didn't have a full sense of what was happening in this scene when I wrote it -- where exactly the story would go -- which I think may be part of why it doesn't work particularly well. In fact, I'd have probably deleted it a long time ago and just let the next chapter be the opening, but I couldn't bring myself to loose the reviews. I don't really feel it's my best foot forward though...

I am glad it picked up for you towards the end. I see Krum the same way. Though I try to show a softer side of him in later chapters, there is no getting around his arrogance or the fact that he's damaged goods...like a child-star gone wrong.

Thanks so much for the feedback. It's always a treat to get a review from someone who's written as much as you have. I'm only sorry this wasn't one of my "better" efforts.


 Report Review

Review #15, by CambAngst 

6th December 2012:
OK, deep breath... For about an age and a half, Jami has been telling me, "You HAVE to read Over the Edge. It's amazing!" And, typically, I haven't gotten around to it. Until now. Without further ado, here is your Holiday Review Swap Thingee review:

I think I might have found a small typo, so I'll get that out of the way before diving more into the substance. When you say, "Viktor Krum gave no response, and the man in the suit was forced to watch as his captorís attention seemed to drift further and further from the business at hand." - do you mean to say "captive" instead of "captor"? Because it seems like Krum is the one being detained.

The only substantive criticism I really have for you is that you never really make it clear who slaps who at the very beginning. I'm going to guess that the man in the suit slaps Krum, an "attention getter", if you will. But a quick hint as to the truth would remove that small note of uncertainty, allowing the reader to focus on...

The big, intriguing, captivating uncertainties! For a first chapter, this was really, really good. You gave me enough information to get my head immersed in Viktor's frame of mind -- which is obviously very bad -- but you left me with plenty of questions that made me want to keep reading. How did one of Quidditch's greatest heroes fall so far from grace? What crime has he committed to find himself in this place? Has he committed a crime at all, or is this some sort of mental facility? Was Rose hurt in some way or killed, and is Viktor responsible? The way you wrote this really set my imagination spinning, and I'm really keen to find out the answers.

The way you characterized Viktor was really amazing. There's this haunted quality to him. He comes off like a man who's experienced so much pain that he's making every possible attempt to simply disengage from reality. The way that he stares at the blank spot on the wall so intensely that the man in the suit is finally forced to look was just brilliant. Then there's this:

"Vhy else is someone brought to a place like this? Men come here vhen they have nothing left to lose. Vhen there isn't anything left in them to kill. How disappointing that must be for you..." - I am completely in awe of those three sentences.

Everything about Viktor screams emptiness and resignation, until...

Wow. When the man in the suit mentions Rose, Viktor just goes bananas. Apparently there is something inside of him that is still very much alive. And angry, so very angry. If you ended the story right then and there, well, it would be a very short story. But there would be no doubt in my mind that something very terrible happened to Viktor and it involved Rose Weasley in a way that's left him deeply emotionally scarred.

The man in the suit is quite a piece of work. I can't decide whether he's some sort of law enforcement officer or a psychologist with the world's worst bedside manner, but either way he seems determined to get underneath Viktor's skin and push his buttons. And he definitely succeeds in this chapter. I don't find him to be so much a part of the mystery as he is emblematic of the questions in my own mind. He just has a much more brutal way of going about it.

"The heavy metal door that marked the only entrance into the room swung inward, opening just wide enough for a young man with untidy dark hair to stick his head through." - Albus? That would certainly add another dimension to the story.

Lastly, I wanted to comment on your author's note. Maybe this is just me, but I think I would have preferred to discover all of this information in the context of the story. It felt a little like an omnipotent narrator suddenly dropped out of the sky into the story, which disrupted the way I was getting really immersed in this world you've created.

Overall, your writing was really lovely. Everything flowed beautifully. You have quite a knack for stark imagery and very gripping, intense descriptions. I get the feeling that knack is going to serve you well in this story.

OK, I have to admit it, Jami was right! I really should listen to her all the time, not just when she threatens to unleash her fury upon me. Happy holidays and I hope this review was helpful!

Author's Response: First off, thank you for such a long and detailed review. I hope my reply here can do it justice. And I've already thanked Jami about a million times, but I should probably do it again. She's been so amazingly supportive of this story.

Ugh, yes! That is a typo, and I've gone ahead and fixed it. Thank you for pointing it out. It is very confusing otherwise. As for the slapping part, no one actually gets slapped. It's just meant to show they are close enough to touch and hostile enough towards one another that they've most likely thought about giving the other one a good smack. But I'll take a look at that part again and see if I can't make it more clear what's happening.

I am so, so glad you liked Krum. You're picking up from him all the things I hoped people would. He is haunted, and lost, and very empty. And yet there is still one person who can stir up some emotion in him, even if that emotion is kind of ugly. And I do think of the man in the suit as almost a personification of all the terrible things Krum already thinks about himself. He is a real person in the context of the story, but I'll admit to using him as a physical manifestation of Krum's past, which he just can't seem to escape.

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that untidy dark hair line! Let's just say, you haven't seen the last of him.

Hmmm... do you mean the author's note at the beginning or the summary at the end. The one at the start I put in more as a member of staff than as an author. I didn't want to find myself getting reported for having an adult/minor pairing. The one at the end I included because I worried this chapter wasn't a good representation of the story that follows, either in quality or tone. In fact, I kind of cringe when I see that people have read it and worry that it will run them off. I guess I meant it to be like the blurb on the back of a book jacket, but I can see your point. It is a bit spoiler-ific.

Thank you again for such an amazing review. This was such a treat!!


 Report Review

Review #16, by Ever 

6th December 2012:
Hey, I'm here from the holiday review swap!

This pairing automatically attracted me! There's something about the unusual ships that I've always been fascinated with. Kudos to you for attempting one of the craziest ships I've ever seen..and successfully hypnotizing, forgive me for the lack of a better term, with such a plot and ship.

First off, this beginning chapter automatically hooked me. I want to know so much, and I hope you'll elaborate in further chapters. You've introduced the story in a way that makes me sit on the edge of my seat and also makes me desperately need to read more.

I really want to know more about this scandalous affair! And how Ron reacted to it, oh lordy!

I think your imagery is gorgeous! Well...hm. The amount you have and the thought put into is grgeous. But the thought of Viktor looking likes he's been drug through hell isn't! But the imagery and descriptions you had really brought the scene to life!

Excellent job and happy holidays! (I'll be back, I NEED to finish this story)

Author's Response: Thank you, Ever! You're right, it is a pretty odd pairing. Hopefully I've done enough to make it believable. I always enjoy reading stories with unusual ships, and it's been a lot of fun to create my own here. And I'm so glad you enjoyed the descriptions. This was just meant to be a short, intro chapter, so the narrative was a lot lighter than in future chapters, but I'm glad it seemed to read okay.

And yes, lots more scandal to come...and even a few appearance by Ron and Hermione.

Thank you so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #17, by shadowycorner 

27th November 2012:
I wanted to read this for ages! It's such an interesting concept. Also very scandalous, too, like you said, but I don't mind. :D The first chapter was captivating from beginning to end. I like it when the story starts with a scene that takes place after the main events of the plot. It adds a nice sense of foreboding when done right and you did just that. Viktor is no longer the usually mute guy from GoF, but he resonated something that really drew me in. I want to know what happened to him and how he ended up in this mysterious place being interrogated in such a way by that man. Great first chapter and yay I'm finally reading it. Lots of catching up to do, but at least there's so many chapters already and no waiting. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, shadow! I'm a fan of the flash-forward prologue too, especially if a story might take a while to develop, which this one does. I'm glad you thought it worked here. And I'm so glad you liked Viktor. He isn't exactly warm and fuzzy, but I've really enjoyed writing him.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by and check out my story and for leaving such a nice review :)


 Report Review

Review #18, by The Empress 

19th November 2012:
Saw this featured over at TGS and decided to have a look. It's certainly an original idea, Rose and Viktor. I'm intrigued by the promised plot. Certainly has a great beginning. Looking forward to reading further.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you stopped by and enjoyed the first chapter :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by forsakenphoenix 

15th September 2012:
Okay, I'm finally here! I am so, so, so sorry for how long it's taken me to get to your story. No excuses. :(

I have to admit that I've been torn about this story before even reading it. I've heard so many good things about it and the summary obviously intrigued me (I'm a sucker for watching character's lives fall apart). What I wasn't too keen on was the age difference between the main pairing. Just a personal preference; it's nothing against you or your story. I feel like I'm a pretty unbiased reviewer though so I can definitely give you a review that is unaffected by my distaste for huge age gaps between characters.

I think you have a really fascinating prologue. I love when authors use prologues because you suck your reader into reading the rest of the story to find out what happens to lead up to this point. I guess, in a way, that could also be a downfall if your prologue isn't gripping enough - but you don't have to worry about that.

I really like the general vagueness of the chapter as well. While I would have liked a bit more description, I think it worked really well here and it drives me to read on so that I can work out the pieces on my own.

Your dialogue is great between the two men too. You can write interrogation scenes really well, it seems! Viktor's silence throughout the questioning made his outburst at Rose's name really powerful and makes the readers question what exactly happened to him that led to this imprisonment.

I think choosing Viktor was also a great idea. He was idolized as a teenager for being this huge Quidditch star and it's like Quidditch was his life, you know? So to have his career end with an injury, he loses a lot of that notoriety. People will see him as a wash-out and I can see how that would drive him towards drug addiction. He's certainly a character that I haven't read much about but definitely fits the mold of what you're trying to go for, I think.

I think the premise of this story is really fascinating and I think your readers are definitely in for a treat. This should be an interesting exploration of Viktor's shambled life and the subsequent scandal of his relationship with Rose. There are so many questions I want to know about (but especially what happens to Rose) so I feel like that's such a great way to hook readers onto this story. Your writing is really strong in the prologue and I can only see it growing from here. It flows really well. Nothing was jarring or anything of that nature. It read really smoothly.

Thank you for requesting from me and I'm really sorry about the delay in getting you your review.

Author's Response: Thank you for such a thoughtful review, and no worry at all about the delay. Real life comes first! Actually, I feel a little bad myself. I've stopped requesting reviews for this story/putting it up for review exchanges (unless someone has already said they don't mind reading it) since I posted in your thread. The ideas in my head didn't feel offensive, but I've realized since that the pairing really isn't for most. So I really do appreciate you taking a look anyway and I'm glad you were able to find other things to comment on.

I'm (obviously) a big fan of prologues myself. It's almost like getting to cheat a bit as a writer, jumping to the juicy parts of the story before I have to go back and actually set everything up. I'm really glad you thought this provided enough interest to get the reader wondering.

I'm also pleased you liked the choice of Viktor here, even if not in the pairing as a whole. I picked him in large part for the reasons you pointed out -- the whole losing his life's purpose as a trigger for bad choices. Plus, he isn't a character we know everything about so it gives me lots of room to play without necessarily breaking canon.

Thank you for the review. Sorry again that it wasn't something you were really drawn to, but I appreciate the feedback!


 Report Review

Review #20, by SilentConfession 

13th September 2012:
I've been wanting to pop over and read this story for ages. The pairing strangely intrigued me and i wanted to see how you would handle it.

I like how you've started this from what i presume to be the end. It's a structure i really enjoy reading. I also like how you've begun it at this moment of really intense and high emotion. Where we've learned that Victor's life seems to keep getting worse. There is that word Redemption and i'm curious to know what happened (her?) that brought him out of his downward spiral.

In any case, you've opened strongly and brought in a lot of interesting questions that make me want to read more to find answers to them. The story really is intriguing and I love the description and your general tone for this chapter. It has this dark, mad way about it that really gets under the skin. I'm really curious to know where he actually is... his is in a madhouse? In a criminally insane prison? The man in the suit seems too brusque and harsh to be any kind of doctor and it makes me wonder, is Victor actually mad?

So yes, tons of questions and I personally think that's a great way to start a story and your attention to details were great and made this story come alive for me. It's also interesting that you chose Rose, the daughter of someone he dated ages ago. I suppose that adds to the horrible scandal of it all! Anyway, great start and i'm really interested to see where this goes!
-zayne

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking a look and taking the time to leave a review!

I'm glad you found the chapter to be a bit intriguing. That was definitely my intention when I sat down to write it. As more time has passed and I've gotten further into the story, I'm not sure anymore how well the prologue reflects the tone of the chapters to follow, but you're right, it is pretty much the end of the story -- the question being not where does the story go but how did it get to this point.

And it's true, I guess, about the scandal. That honestly wasn't my main motivation for picking the pair, but I guess it's really hard to avoid. I was much more drawn to what Ron would think than Hermione!

Thank you again for the review. If you read on, I hope you enjoy!


 Report Review

Review #21, by lia_2390 

26th August 2012:
Hey :)

I was very excited to see you post this story for the review exchange. It's been sitting in my favourites' list for a while, and now I have the excuse to review it.

I love this story idea! Here you presented the readers with a well-known character - Viktor Krum - who was a celebrated athlete. In his prime every child wanted to be him, girls probably wanted to marry him too. But almost 30 years later, he's sitting in a nameless, almost void place against his will. He's been accused of carrying on with the daughter of the girl he once dated (again over 30 years ago). If you were going for a shock factor, I didn't have to go further than this prologue.

The scene setting here is well written, but I wonder if there isn't more about it that you can tell us? Mention of the white-washed walls, and the narrator's mention of it being a madhouse leaves me wondering what this place really is. Of course, this is only your prologue, and you don't want to give away too much.

I think you started this off really well. As a reader, I'm left with tons of questions - most importantly - how did he end up in this place? This is Viktor Krum! I also love that you chose him because he is who he is (if that makes sense).

Lia

Author's Response: Thank you, Lia. I'm so glad we got matched up for the review exchange this time around. I started reading your story this afternoon and am really enjoying it!

I have to admit, I didn't have much of an opinion on Krum either way when I read GoF, but he's been an absolute blast to play with here. He had so much going for him as a teenager, which means there is a lot I can put him through to drag him down (which sounds horrible, but you know what I mean) .I wasn't intentionally going for a high shock value when I started this story (though I knew the age gap in the pairing might not be for everyone), but the line about Hermione definitely seems to be hitting that note with people. I meant it more to illustrate just what a jerk the man in the suit was, but it's taken on a bit of a life of its own.

You make a good point about being too vague in the setting here. While I definitely meant there to be a lot of ambiguity about what was going on and why, when I wrote this scene, *I* actually didn't know for sure where Viktor was being held. Now that I have a better sense of the story, a few additional details might need to be added.

Thank you so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #22, by Athene Goodstrength 

24th August 2012:
Oh my GOD.

This was not what I was expecting at all; I don't know what I was expecting, but not this. You are so very talented. In this one short chapter, you've given me so many questions! How did Krum fall so far?! Why is he in some sort of psychiatric prison? How on earth did he end up in a relationship with Rose Weasley? Why has she written a book about him, if they were in a relationship? And my most burning question: HE BLAST-END SCREWTED THE MOTHER TOO?! (Naughty word changed because obviously I can't rate a review 15+).

The suspense is fantastic, I really want to read on. This is something I struggle with in my own writing, so I'll be reading this chapter as a master-class.

The characterization here is brilliant; it all comes out in the details, such as the comment on Krum's accent, his cigarette, the guy trying to passively smoke it (haha). I love the thought you've put in to every aspect of this scene.

I don't really know what more I can say, other than you're clearly an incredible writer, with a real gift for language, for knowing how much to give and how much to hold back, and for characterization.

I'm excited to keep reading! Thank you for opening a shiny new review tag thread, and I'm glad I decided to jump in first! (That's if I still am, someone might have pipped me to the post! But I don't care, this was great!)
10/10 and favourited.

Athene xo

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Athene, though I'm sort of embarrassed. I should have put in my review thread post that the first person didn't have to leave ME a review, but I sure do appreciate it all the same. And I've just got to say, Blast-End Screwted?! If all the members were that creative when it came to using non-12+ language, the moderators would be out of a job!

Seriously though, thank you for such a nice review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the tension and characterization. All the questions you posed are exactly what I wanted readers to walk away thinking. It's so nice to hear that you came close to what you were aiming for.

Thank you again for the review.


 Report Review

Review #23, by Cirque Du Freak 

22nd July 2012:
Hullo! I'm here with the TGS swap, finally. ^^

I can't tell you enough how simply intrigued and fascinated I already am with this first chapter. Honestly, you've just reeled me right in and I can't wait to get to the second chapter!

I'll do a little bit of a CC first here:

"It was idea that had undoubtedly ready crossed both their minds." -- here you have a missing word between 'was' and 'idea' so perhaps 'an' would fit in nicely here.

"facing one another in the [center] of an otherwise empty room." -- Britpick, centre.

"The comment nothing more or less than a simple statement of fact." -- here this sentence felt awkward and I think if you put 'was' between 'comment' and 'nothing' it would flow better.

"Invisible bonds snaked [there] way around his legs" -- wrong word used here, it needs to be 'their' for possesion of the bonds.

"The book seemed to stare back up at him, his [own] name spelled out" -- here you don't need 'own' because the sentence runs straight and you would only put it in if you were referring to it again later in the sentence/paragraph/whatever.

So hopefully that was useful to you. :)

On to the content itself!

I love all the short sentences you used in this, because it portrayed the real tension of what was happening to Krum and it made it all so very life-like and cutting. The sentence structure in general is interesting, because you kept it throughout the whole of the chapter without wandering off anywhere too far, which is something I've always found quite hard to do, so kudos to you!

I've never read a Next Gen about Viktor Krum so its actually really refreshing to read something with him in it, and the pairing! Oh, the pairing has gotten me even more ~fascinated~.

I can't wait to see where this story goes exactly and all the lovely twists and turns I'm sure you have in store as the story goes on. You've also done brilliantly with updating it in such a short period of time, which makes me pretty happy considering I don't think I want to stop reading this any time soon!

Really, I'm just gushing at this point and I don't care at all - this is fabulous and I'm so glad we got to do this swap! :D

Hannah xxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Hannah! I can't believe you reviewed the whole story! I'm going to respond to all of them, but I'm going through at the same time and making all the corrections you've pointed out so I may be a bit slow. Thanks for doing that. I'm terrible with typos, and despite my best efforts, can't seem to mask my American-ness. Every little bit helps for sure!

I'm so glad you liked the first chapter. I did try to keep this one short, including the sentences themselves. I didn't want to branch off into internal thoughts too much since the rest of the story is narrated by Rose. I was also trying to keep the pressure/tension high. I hope that came through.

I'm SO glad you find the pairing intriguing. Even though they are both very much adults, I still fear it's a big turn-off. Any time anyone calls it anything but "totally gross!" I count it as a win.

Thank you again! I feel like I won the lottery on this review swap. Not only did I get to read your great story, but I'm getting such lovely reviews in return.


 Report Review

Review #24, by Jchrissy 

18th July 2012:
Wow, I must say this an intoxicating prologue. I don't know what Krum is being accused of yet, or what he did, but I am already hoping he is innocent. You've done an amazing job creating a shadow of the man we briefly knew.

Your imagery and descriptions were perfectly executed. You have us more when it was fit, but also let the scene play out naturally. I really like the contrast of Krum's sides, terrifyingly calm then submerged in anger. The detective knew the perfect buttons to push.

So what had happened between him and Rose? Obviously I can guess from some of the context, but you've stated she was in her twenties so it shouldn't have wound him up in prison/azkaban/questioning. But it definitely would have been enough to ruin his career when the public learned.

I'm also wondering if there's a reason you never give us the detectives name? Do we know him? Am I reading too much into it and possibly you just wanted the focus to be only on Krum?

Great prologue!! Your writing style is addicting!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Jchrissy! I'm glad you liked the chapter. Krum's quick-changing emotional state is an ongoing character trait in this story so I'm so pleased you commented on that.

I don't know why I didn't name the detective, honestly. He'll pop up again here and there but since this isn't meant to be him and Krum's first meeting, it just seemed natural his name wouldn't come up. In the end, I kind of liked him as the nameless government drone type...a bit of a "man in black."

Thank you for the R&R. It's always super appreciated!


 Report Review

Review #25, by academica 

14th July 2012:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)

Well, this is certainly an interesting idea for a plot! I'd love to pick your brain about how it came to you :) In the interest of full disclosure, normally I'm really turned off by inter-generational pairings, especially those between adults and students (or adults who first met their partners when said partners were students), but for some reason this one isn't pulling at my gag reflex, perhaps because it's so original. So... um... congratulations? Haha.

I only have a couple of critiques to offer. I noticed a few typos ("It that your question" vs. "Is that..."), but nothing too big, so I wouldn't worry so much about that. Krum's accent did seem a bit sporadic to me. I thought in my reading of this that you intended for the V-sound to have hung on through his acculturation, so if you meant for it to come and go, just ignore this. If not, you might go back and check your "w"s, "y"s, and so on.

I think the interrogation here feels realistic, and I like how I can already see shifts and turns in Krum's personality and the way it compares and contrasts with that of his interrogator. I'm definitely intrigued to find out why, precisely, Viktor is in the asylum and how he and Rose became involved. The ending, especially, really pulled at my heartstrings - great job with the emotion and creating a powerful conclusion.

Although I imagine that the addiction you mentioned will go a bit further than nicotine, I liked the way you used the cigarettes to create imagery. The idea of the smoke moving back and forth and sort of intoxicating the whole scene was interesting.

I'm very much enjoying this, so feel free to re-request if you find this review to be helpful. Great job! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Oh, no! I'm so sorry. I should have made it clear in my request that there is no former student-teacher relationship here. Rose and Viktor don't meet for the first time until she's in her 20s and he was never a teacher. I feel bad I didn't explain that upfront. I know that's something you really dislike.

That said, I appreciate you taking a look anyway, and I'm certainly glad it wasn't a total gag-fest for you. I'll definitely take another look over the chapter for typos and consistency in Krum's accent. The former I never seem to be able to get ride of completely but I can certainly clean up the accent if it isn't reading properly. I'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that he still has one and not driving readers nuts with having to decipher everything he's saying.

Yes, Krum's addictions run quite a bit darker than nicotine, but I'm glad the smoke helped set the scene. And I'm so pleased you mention the shifts in his temper. That's actually going to be a major character trait of his and I'm glad it came through here.

Thank you so much for the R&R. And again, I'm really sorry if the pairing is/was a bit distasteful for you.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review
<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>