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55 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MalfoysAngel 

1st April 2017:
You have a way with scene changes. I've been sucked into this story from chapter one and It's amazing! I've been reading fan fiction for almost eleven years now. How I managed to not find this story until now is beyond me but I'm so glad I did.

The way you are developing the relationship between James and Lily without leaving the other marauders out is so creative. James's reaction to becoming quidditch captain and the way he told Lily is how I imagine I would react if I was chosen and I liked how you included the aftermath and how he was handling all the demands and requests of his housemates.

I really liked how you used Remus to help Lily understand that it's okay to miss her parents and thought it was a great idea to have Remus tell her his secret without actually giving it away.

Having Lily be a witness to a meeting of Death Eaters was the icing on the cake and it shows her rebellious side a little more. Every chapter I read leaves me wanting more and I can't tell you enough how much I'm enjoying reading your story.

Author's Response: Hey there, I'm so happy you are enjoying it! Thank you so much for the kind words!

Jami


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Review #2, by endlessShenanigans 

18th June 2014:
I'm really liking this story so far! Its not the usual James/Lily story which is refreshing, and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're liking it!

Jami


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Review #3, by TheMaraudersBabe 

30th April 2014:
I am seriously becoming very addicted to this story! haha. I can now see very clearly how it won that particular award. I think part of the charm and allure to it is that it is so well written with little to no mistakes at all in any of the chapters. It's quite admirable and I can only imagine how hard you have worked on this xo

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Review #4, by APerkins 

24th August 2013:
Started reading cause it's been nominated for the dobby's
:) now I know why!

Loving it, well done!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you're enjoying it, and incredibly sorry that this review has taken ages!

♥ Jami


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Review #5, by Lovegood 

30th July 2013:
Loved this chapter! Well done :3

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much!!! If you continue reading, I really hope you like the next chapters! The ones that show the Death Eater side of things are probably my favorite, so if you get to one of those I'm curious to know what you thought!

Thank you again!! ♥

Jami


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Review #6, by BluebirdBrigade 

18th July 2013:
This chapter was very dramatic! My heart really went out to Lily when she broke down in tears I almost did as that memory was just so beautiful and its sad to see the way that she literally has no one to turn to now. Her parent used to stick up for her when Petunia was probably being nasty but now all she has is her sister who barely even speaks to her no, wait who doesnt even speak to her! Im glad you had Remus come and comfort her rather than James because sometimes authors make the mistake of having the love couple constantly finding each other in sad situations, which I think often makes them fall too quickly and the story gets a bitboring. You didnt do this and I love you for it as I was able to see Remus who gah, is so like Lily they really do get each other dont they? His small talk about how he knew this kid, although the kid is actually him, was so sad but I hope at some point Lily puts the pieces together. I think shed be a great friend to him through that although James, Sirius and Peter already are :P


Oh and the whole Alrek part! Lily got some little revenge on James didnt she, although I dont necessarily agree with her methods. Alrek seems nice, I hope he doesnt get led on. But James was totally seething I love jealous boys, as long as they dont go so far that they start stalking you home and say if I cant have you, no one can!. Again, great chapter Jami!

Author's Response: Yay another Maz review!! I'm responding to these in chronological order, obviously, and I got so excited when I saw it was another one of yours!

Having Remus be the one to find Lily felt super appropriate. Especially because I think they would have had a really strong relationship, so I like watching them/making them open up to one another, haha!

You might be onto something with Lily eventually putting the pieces together ;). but shhh you didn't hear it from me :P!

I hope you know how excited I am that you're still liking this story, lovely! I feel like my responses are getting so repetitive, but i don't know what else to say other than you are the best and that I'm loving responding to each one of these!

Thank you ♥ ♥


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Review #7, by AlexFan 

17th July 2013:
And Lily is back everyone! Her annoyance at James interrupting her was so Lily I couldn't help but smile. I thought it was funny how James went to Lily for the party. She's not even in charge of the school but James goes to her instead of McGonagall or Dumbledore. It seems that Lily is the only one who would be able to convince McGonagall that having a party is a good idea.

I'm surprised that Lily didn't figure out who Remus was talking about when he was telling her the story. I would have thought that Lily would've been at least a little suspicious of how fast Remus was able to come up with a story like that.

I'm also wondering how Bellatrix's got into Hogwarts. Hogwarts has wards up that prevent people from Apparating inside it so how would Bellatrix have gotten in. I don't think that Regulus would've known the spell to open the school gates either.

And Lily getting jealous of James and the girl throwing herself at him was funny. Lily can try to deny it as much as she wants but we all know that she's developing feelings for James. It's only a matter of time before she realises. I hope that they never stop fighting though, that seems to be a part of James and Lily so I hope that when or if they do get together they never stop fighting.

Author's Response: YOU ARE SPOILING ME! ahhh!

YES! Lily is back! I loved writing her getting annoyed with James when he interrupted. I felt half annoyed at him myself :P

Bellatrix's entry into Hogwarts is also something that you'll find out down the road! It's probably a lot simple than it seems, and I got the idea when I learned that the means she used had been around long before we saw it. I'm excited to see what you think!! You're really awesome at spotting out details, and I honestly didn't really think about why Lily wasn't suspicious of how quickly Remus came up with the story. Can I just play it off as she's still a bit shell shocked? :P

I agree with fighting seems part of them. Well, I sort of see Lily fighting and James making fun of her when she's mad, which would make her even more mad! hahaha!

Thank you so much for another really lovely and well thought out review!


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Review #8, by Erised 

16th July 2013:
Another review!

So it's nice to see some more characters introduced at this point and it definitely fleshes out the storyline a bit more. Belle seems really interesting as a character, and I love how she seems all mysterious and has a bit of a past in France. I can't wait to learn more about that as the story progresses! Alice of course is lovely too, as we know from the books. It's great that you've made her good friends with Lily, which I suspect would have been the case in canon too.

Lily being obstinate about James again! Shock horror! ;) he is so sweet though and it seems that everyone seems to recognise how perfect they are for each other except her. The part when they're spying on the Prospects was really creepy and well written too. I can't believe Bellatrix managed to get into the school though! Serious security breach much?! Haha.

Hmm, this Alrek at the party seems interesting. I can tell he's definitely going to cause some kind of conflict in the future. I wonder if there's more to him than meets the eye though? We'll have to see!

Author's Response: You are spoiling me!!!

Belle's past and the future she plays in this story is one of the few things I'm really proud of. Her chapter doesn't come for a while though, when her post is finally brought to light.

I've had a few people irritated with Alice being Lily's age, because she's already a well known auror by the time she dies, but I've worked in some stuff with her and Frank to make that possible. The idea of having those two as best friends just creates such a warm sort of feeling, that I couldn't resist :P.

Alrek is an important part of this story, and for a few different reasons than to just drive James crazy ;). There very well might be more than meets the eye... ;)

Thank you again!! On to your next amazing review!


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Review #9, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

25th June 2013:
Hey, Jami!!!

I loved the introduction of the potions, learning bits about the magical world, especially from a Muggleborn's perspective. I don't know why, but it just seems... cooler somehow. Like, I think a Pureblood would go 'it does this and this', but a Muggleborn is more interested in it all because they didn't grow up in this world their whole life. I don't know, I just thought it was cool to start the chapter with Lily reading about the potions. :D

Ah, the Wolfsbane potion! When I saw the bit about her thinking Greyback could be the only one on the continent, I was telling the screen, "you know one!!!" Then I wanted Remus to be there, so I could hug him! :P

The blood potion sounds terrifying!

I loved the conversation between James and Lily, his excitement and her smiling had me excited and smiling! And the party is totally not against the rules if there's adequate supervision... McGonnagal is more than capable! ;)

Sirius being so animated about his Auror classes was so sweet. I just wanted to hug him, too. In fact, I just want to hug them all. A group hug with the Marauders, it's heaven!

I like Belle and I'm curious as to what her secrets is and I hope it's not really bad or really sad. She's a good friend. And I can't wait to see more of this chemistry between her and Sirius.

The memory about Lily and her family was so sweet and so sad and I'm so glad Remus was there to help her. And, gah! The 'little boy' story. Oh, Remus. Counting down the hours till the full moon. His story is heartbreaking. ;(

The Prospects - such a fitting name; they sounds like pieces of meat or objects to be owned, which, I suppose, they are. They belong to Voldemort. I only wish Regulus got out sooner and without dying (he is my favorite person, next to the Marauders). ;(

Aww, Severus. It only takes one mistake. Just imagine what would have happened if he hadn't called her a Mudblood... Where would they be?

And Bellatrix - wild-eyed woman along with the terrifying looks are the most accurate descriptions for her before you know what she's like. Then the descriptions get... scarier. :P

Ah, Lily! Don't drink all the Firewhiskey. Bad things happen!!!

It's fun to see them both jealous... over the other! She likes him, happy days! :D

I'm curious about the Alrek guy. I look forward to knowing more about him.

Ahh, and the bad thing happened. But at least she was outside and hidden from view before she was sick.

I loved this chapter so much! And I'm very excited to read more, so look out for those, Jami! :D

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi Sam ♥!!

I know what you mean about Muggleborns. it seems like they appreciate magic more, wanting to understand it in a way that purebloods probably don't. And I'm so happy you liked reading about the potions! I had SO much fun coming up with the blood one. I love mixing medical with magic, and sometimes I get a little carried away :P!

Ugh that party is one of the cliches that I couldn't help but fall into :P. I hoped having McGonagall there would ease the blow, haha.

Belle is one of my favorite characters to play with, I think because of how much she reminds me of Sirius. Her full story comes out in chapter...13 :D. I think. The one called 'Revelations.'

I'm so happy you liked the memory about Lily and her family, and Remus's story about the 'little boy.' Poor guy had to deal with so much :(. They all did :(.

Alrek definitely becomes an important part... *tries to not spill secrets* haha.

I'm so happy you liked this chapter! The next one is when I things, I think, actually start picking up a bit. It's the first look into Death Eater side of things :D!

Thank you so much for this awesome review, Sam ♥! I'm so excited that you liked this chapter!




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Review #10, by nott theodore 

9th June 2013:
Hi Jami!

First of all, I love the opening line to this chapter! Using 'wand deep' instead of knee-deep really helps us immerse ourselves more in the wizarding world and makes it seem more realistic. You did that somewhere else in this chapter too and it's really clever.

The part where Lily was working on her potions assignment was really interesting. I liked the way that you explored the two different potions and made them sound realistic, especially with the medical explanations of their effects and what could happen if the potion goes wrong. I've also never thought about how the Wolfsbane potion (and others) would need to be actually tested on humans, much like medical testing. I wonder who volunteered to try it? The essay sounds horrible, though, and it sounds like Lily wasn't the only one having trouble with it.

James is such a great character! I love your interpretation of him so far; he's a good person and has lots of good qualities, but there's still the obvious teenage boy aspect of his personality (enjoying the attention of being Quidditch captain and so on). He's grown up over summer with looking after Lily, but I think he - and all the others - still have a lot of growing up to do. Who doesn't at that age, though?

The description of Belle and Sirius and thunder and lightning was really effective, and I'll definitely be interested to see what happens between the two of them in the future. I like Belle's character so far, and the interaction between the girls that we got to see here.

The flashback to Lily's childhood was so well written and well placed in this chapter. She's putting on a brave show with this perfect exterior, but there are bound to be times when that cracks like it does here. It was great to get a sense of what her relationship with her mum was like, as well as how happy her childhood seemed to be. I'm glad you included Petunia, too - they always appeared to be close, especially before Lily left for Hogwarts.

Remus and Lily's friendship is so cute, and I love Remus here too (in fact, I love almost all the characters so far). The way he talked about losing part of himself was so sad! One thing I enjoyed was that Lily doesn't actually know about Remus's condition; since he didn't tell his friends until they forced him to admit it, I can't imagine he would tell anyone voluntarily unless he had no other choice. There's still a lot Lily has to learn about the Marauders - the little comment about Sirius having a talent for Transfiguration makes me think that she doesn't know about their ability to transform into animals.

The part with the 'Prospects' was so interesting! Bellatrix was really terrifying. Having heard so much about her I'm looking forward to seeing more of her in this story. I like the idea of the Marauders sneaking around and trying to find out what the Prospects are up to, fighting the war in their own way at this stage. I'm curious as to who they were talking about trying to persuade. Could it be Peter?

Ah, poor Lily! I really felt sorry for her in this chapter, with the potions essay and the memory and then getting drunk at the party. I'm interested in this new Durmstrang student (you've done well writing the accents here too - I always struggle with that!) and how much of a role he'll play in the story. And of course, Lily's starting to become more aware of her feelings for James (and ohmygosh when Remus nearly said that James was in love with her I got so excited!).

I have just one Brit-pick (I hope you don't mind!), in that we have 'terms' instead of semesters over here :)

It feels like this story is really starting to pick up and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I've been itching to get time to respond to your amazing reviews! And writing today has been a challenge, but your review has perked me right up ♥

I do try and give a wizarding flare in this, though I recently remembered that Peeves hardly comes up. I need to give him a bit of face time... though I guess the price I paid for ending up juggling a handful of different storyline at once. Okay, done talking to myself and moving on to the next part of your amazing review.

Okay. Mixing medical with magical is one of my BIGGEST pleasures in this. That and writing class scenes; i constantly have to reel myself back in :P I didn't really think about just how they'd test Wolfsbane before this, either. It couldn't have been easy to find willing werewolves...

I love your statement of who doesn't have growing up to do at this age. That's so true. Showing the way these young people all mature enough to commit themselves into a war is such a huge deal for me and one of my biggest goals for this, so I'm sure excited to see what you think as they continue maturing. Though that Potter humor is never far off, is it? :P

Belle is pretty Mary Sue up until this point. I'm excited to see what you think when we start learning more about her! I am a sucker for thunderstorm comparisons though :P.

ekkk I'm so happy you liked that! I know some people hate flashbacks, but they do crop up every so often in this to sort of tell the story of Petunia and Lily, so you liking them just makes me extra excited.

You enjoying all the characters so far is such an awesome compliment. It was so scary trying to wrap my brain around them, and having other people like my babies just makes me want to squeeze you. Can I?! SQUEEZE.

I completely agree with you about Remus. He didn't tell is own best friends until they turned into animals and followed him into the shack. So he's going to tell her because... ermm.. she's Lily Evans? No. Haha, okay, sorry... rant over.

And nope she doesn't know about that either. poor clueless Lily :P!

Accents. Ugh. If I ever say, "Hey Sian, I'm going to start a story with two characters who are foreign," will you throw something at me? One chapter in the future I make a statement that Isabelle will never talk more than she did in that certain chapter cause I got SO frustrated, haha!

Ah! Thank you! And absolutely not -- if you ever find any thing that is super American please don't hesitate to point it out! My beta and I are both hopelessly American ;).

Thank you so much for another amazing review. And for making me feel a lot better about how frustrated I was getting with writing today because of said review!

♥ Jami


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Review #11, by FallenTruths 

27th May 2013:
Hi Jami!

I'm here with my review for the last three chapters. Chapter 2 - It's heartbreaking knowing that Petunia isn't there to comfort Lily after their parents died. You would think if anything could bring them back together it was this, but unfortunately Petunia was probably still too bitter and jealous of Lily even 6-7 years later. I'm glad the difficult situation is making James act more mature and protective over Lily. I can definitely see how a big event like this could draw the two together.

I just love William and Olivia in this story! The way they referred to James and Sirius as "their boys" makes me happy for Sirius that he could find another family to love him like their own. Olivia sounds like the most amazing woman, and James clearly knows how wonderful she is as well. Who else can arrest dangerous wizards and then go home and bake some cookies? When James says, "he couldn't imagine a life without her," I immediately felt a pang in my stomach knowing that her death was only a few years away. She also is very perceptive to Lily and what she's dealing with. I like how she suggested that Lily would first fake feeling okay and then eventually she would truly believe it. We saw a bit of growth from Lily when she saw determination in her own eyes instead of the emptiness she was expecting.

Onto Chapter 3 - I love that Frank appears to be the bravest one of the group since he isn't afraid to stand up to the professors. I can certainly see where Neville got his bravery from. I absolutely loved this line, "Alas, loss is part of life and our hearts must remember the beauty of it, and let the darkness that death creates inside the soul, slip away." Your writing style is so lovely! I'm now getting really frustrated with James and his rash anger towards Lily. He really does need to learn when to shut his mouth and leave it be. I noticed one small mistake where you repeated 'the idea' in this line - "She wanted to open her mouth and continue, but the idea the idea was too painful."

Chapter 4 - Including the details on how the Draught of Blood and Wolfsbane work was really interesting. I like that you showed the readers a bit of what Lily is passionate about. It's very impressive and clever that you completely made up the Draught of Blood and how it works. It makes perfect sense how you described the red blood cells multiplying and eventually making the blood too thick. There was one typo I spotted in this sentence, "She even nearly smiling when she told me!"

I also really liked how you described the relationship between Belle and Sirius as thunder and lightning. That's a great way to describe their dominant though complimentary strength. Also, Remus is so kind and caring towards all of his friends, though I wonder why he hasn't told Lily about his condition yet. The memory of Lily with her mother was a great scene as well. The readers really got to see how close Lily was with her mother and how similar they were. It's a bit refreshing to see Lily crack a bit and let go of her 'perfect' exterior. There was so much that happened in this chapter with our first spotting of Bellatrix and Lily now becoming more aware of her feelings for James. I can tell the story is really picking up!

Alli

Author's Response: ALLI!! Hi ♥! You're spoiling me!!

A lot more of Lily and Petunia's back story gets told through this. JKR put in Pottermore that they attended Vernon and Petunia's wedding after having a terrible dinner with them during winter of 7th year, so basically I wanted to tell the story of where Lily and Petunia stood to lead up to that dinner. Um. I'm making no sense. Basically, you haven't heard about the last of Petunia :P!

I'm so happy you liked such a big event sort of being what pushed James into showing is more mature side. Men... sometimes all they need is a big shove in the right direction :P

Ahhh I haven't had many people comment on seeing the determination in Lily's eyes! I'm so happy you did, because I think it was one of the most important parts of this chapter. This girl just had her life ripped apart, but she's going to keep moving forward. And I didn't mean to give you a feels pang when you realized that about the Potters :(! Here, have a cookie!

Awww I'm so happy you like my writing style! Dumbledore is hands down the character I have the most trouble with. One of his lines takes like ten times as long as any other character :P

Thank you for pointing out the typo! I'm going to go delete that right after I finish this response!

I had a LOT of fun making up Draught of Blood. I was trying to figure out the details for it while Ben and I were driving to cape cod for 4th of July, and kept being like, 'Ben Ben Ben what if your red blood cells just didn't stop? Ben Ben Ben' haha. The majority of any medical stuff I have in here, I've written then forced Ben to listen to me read it out loud to see if I got the medical parts correct, haha!

I have a hard time with the, 'I'm a werewolf' sort of chapter that some Marauders stories have. Mainly because Remus didn't even tell his friends, they figured it out then followed him during a full moon night after learning how to transform into animals. So, even though we'll see Lily figuring it out for herself later on, he doesn't really come clean and admit it until there's no other choice.

Yes, after this chapter I do think things start speeding up. Or at least we're now out of cliche land :P.

I'm so happy you liked these chapters, and am seriously impressed with your ability to review three in one. I wouldn't have been able to remember to comment on nearly that much stuff!!

Thank you so much Alli for another amazing review, and again for just giving this story a go. ♥ I hope it doesn't disappoint!


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Review #12, by rogue_bludger 

23rd April 2013:
"Watching them reminded Lily of watching thunder and lightning: both strong forces with a need to dominate, both terrifying but soothing in their own right. However, neither thunder nor lightning could be quite so impressive without the other complimenting and contradicting it."
this was absolutely brilliantly written. I absolutely love this. And I do hope Lily can handle her liquor ;)
~M

Author's Response: Hi! Oh I'm so happy you like that line!!! Belle and Sirius are so much fun for me to write.

Thank you so much for a lovely review ♥ And... I wouldn't hold too much hope for Lily ;) haha!

Jami


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Review #13, by Courtney Dark 

21st April 2013:
Wow, a long chapter - however it was so good that the words just seemed to fly by!

I absolutely adored Lily in this chapter, especially at the beginning, where she was trying to write her essay. It was just so...so Lily! And I think that it is good (for the plot, not for Lily obviously) that she is still grieving over her parents deaths and is not yet able to let go. After all, it has only been a few months.

I loved the way you wrote that flashback - Lily was so adorable! The whole section really made me smile.

Aw, Remus and Lily - I love their relationship, it seems as though they have a really good friendship and I just adore Remus. He was especially canony in this chapter, which was great to see.

Oooh, I liked the addition of Remus and Lily overhearing the 'prospects' in this chapter - it definitely added an air of mystery to it, and I'm glad that you included Regulus and Snape, as I get quite excited when they appear in marauders stories.

I love Belle and Alice, but especially Belle. I'm intrigued to find out more about her story, she seems to be quite a mysterious character.

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Oh goodness you deserve cookies for getting through this monster, haha!!!

I can't stand when something huge happens to a character than it's like... that huge thing never happened. So continuing to show Lily's progress is a huge thing for me. She isn't as broken anymore. She can't stay upset forever, and she has to move on. But I want readers to see that she's making herself; it wasn't easy by an account.

Canony... I think I'm going to be stealing that phrase! Haha! I'm really happy you like him! We'll actually see a lot more of Death Eater things starting next chapter. I don't want to give too much away, but yeah. I think you'll like it :)!

Yay! I'm happy you like Belle! She has a whole pile of back story behind her. I'm so excited to see what you make of all that, because she's a character I'm pretty proud of. Thank you again for stopping by ♥. I have to ask, is this pairing on of your favorites? Most people don't undertake the reading of a 27 chapter fic (and climbing) unless they really love the pairing, so I'm hoping these two are one of your favorites, haha! Also, if you do continue reading, please don't feel obligated to review every single chapter!!!

Thank you again so much for these awesome review. &hearts Jami


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Review #14, by slytherinchica08 

19th April 2013:
Oh this was such a great chapter! I loved the party here at the end and them overhearing a group of wanna be death eaters. The flashback of Lily with her mom was really great as well! I loved the description put into this chapter, it was all really done and was just absolutely wonderful!

I couldn't help but feel so bad for Lily in this chapter. She's kind of having a bit of rotten luck, first having a hard time with her potions assignment, though it sounds like almost everyone was, and then having that flashback, running into the group of death eaters, and then consuming a rather large amount of alcohol! But I really loved seeing her interact with Lupin. It was just a really sweet and friendly conversation between the two and to me was just the perfect touch! The ending with James and that girl trying to get at him was also great. It was nice to see Lily get jealous about it and decide that she wanted to do something and get away with it like the guys usually do. And then James helped get her out of the common room in time for her to get sick! It was just so sweet! And the part where Remus almost admitted that James was in love, gah, it just left me with so many feels!

I very much enjoyed this chapter! I didn't really see any mistakes or anything that could really be changed! This was a great read and I'm glad I came by to read more of it! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hi Erica! ♥ I spelled your name right, right? I have a best friend named Erika, so I'm always putting K in place of C, haha.

I'm so happy you liked the party and Lily and Remus overhearing the prospects! This chapter is probably my least favorite of the entire story, so it's always a relief when someone has something positive to say about it. If I could get though my computer, I'd be hugging you right now.

I think Remus and Lily's friendship is such a sweet one and I try really hard to give it the attention it deserves, so I'm ecstatic that you feel the same way about it! Writing that flashback scene was a lot of fun for me. I think Lily would have been an adorable little girl!

I'm so happy you liked this one ♥ If you catch me on review tag again, I'll be curious to see what you think of five! It's when, in my opinion, things start getting interesting ;)!

Thank again ♥!!

Jami


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Review #15, by True Author (not logged in) 

5th April 2013:
Oh god I don't know how I'm going to review this. So many things in one chapter and I'm not very good at reviewing.
Anyway I loved this. ♥ It looks like Belle is going to ne important for the plot and I can smell Sirius/Belle in the story! :D I always like to imagine that Sirius did lobe someone that way.
Remus and Lily? wow such nice friends. Remus was totally canon in this one, comforting Lily. :)
Can't wait to read the next one!

Aah my name! I know its bit weird for you but its very common in India. It's pronounced like Aash-wee-nee. :) Its my real name.

Ashwini ♥

Author's Response: Hi again! Sorry about the tardiness of this response :(. I update Saturdays, and then I didn't have the chapter completed until Friday so I was all tangled up going through it with my beta then posting it Saturday. Anyway I'm here now and I have to say again how much I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and review ♥

Belle is going to be a VERY important part of the plot, and not just for a love interest to Sirius. That may happen ;). But yes, she plays a crucial part.

I'm so happy you think Remus was very canon in this! I do try and keep them JKR's characters, so that makes me extra happy!

Your name! It's not weird at all, it's so gorgeous! I've never heard it before. I'm green with jealousy over here. Ashwini. Ashwini. Hehe, I just want to keep saying it. That's very cool you live in India. I'm going to have to look up what time it is over there out of curiosity :D!

Thank you again for your lovely reviews, Ashwini ♥


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Review #16, by TheHouseElf 

21st March 2013:
Guess what Jami? It's review time again!

I love the opening sentence. You're incorporating the wizarding world and wizardisms (Yes, I just made that up :P) into your story which sometimes can be left out...which is irritating, especially if that story is set at Hogwarts, grr. However, I'm just going to do a bit of Brit picking with you dear :D The British education system isn't based on credits, it's just based on exam and coursework (though there isn't any coursework at Hogwarts and it's rare now) grades, just as a heads up :D

I loved the way Lily was thinking about lycanthropy and the dramatic irony you created, you just want to shout at her to talk to Remus :P But I know exactly how Lily feels when James interrupts her flow, it's really annoying whenever that happens. I feel her pain, curse you James!

I loved how James went to talk to Lily about becoming captain, that was so sweet, even if he did want to schedule a party :P

I also loved the characterisation and the development of the Marauders. I read your blog about relationship types and yes, those people leaving reviews about the friendship between the four boys are right. They're pretty much carefree at the moment and I'd love to see how that changes as the war drags on :D

Belle's absolutely amazing, she reminds me a bit of Fleur, but she has that rebellious streak- to be honest, I think if I were a wizard then my essays would be, erm, rushed? I liked how you described her and Sirius as thunder and lightning, it just seems to fit y'know? Their strong personalities are just storm-like, it was a description that I loved in Casualties of War too ;)

I also loved that little snippet of Lily's childhood, that was so sad :( Are you purposely trying to make me cry woman? :P

And oh gosh, Remus! Again with the dramatic irony Jami, I just want to squish the guy and tell him that the little boy will be alright ;)

Yay, Bellatrix! I was wondering when she'd come in, yes :D Ooh, Lily did handle her brilliantly, the perfect voice of authority, wasn't she? Then again, I suppose she doesn't really understand how far Bellatrix will go for her master :P

I liked the party- Gryffindor parties are the best, aren't they?- and the introduction of Alrek, he seems to me like he's going to be stirring up a bit of trouble, unintentionally of course :P

Lovely chapter Jami!

Author's Response: Ahh you spoil me, you do!

Ooh Wizardisms, that's a good one. You wouldn't by any chance be related to Shakespeare with you ability to create words, would you? :P

I get irritated too when school stuff is left out! Oh! Thank you for pointing that out about the school system not being based no credits! I'll have to go change that! Also, I never mind when Brit picking occurs, so don't ever feel bad about pointing anything out!

Belle is such a fun character to write. There's a lot more to her than meets the eye, but it's sometime until you figure that all out :P.

Haha I'm not trying to make you cry, I'm not!B But those Lily childhood snippets are a reoccurring thing :)!

Bellatrix! I think you're right. If Lily would have known at this point how crazy Bellatrix is, she may have been a bit more careful.

Alrek... he's an interesting character. Keep an eye on that one :P

Thank you again so much for your lovely reviews! You're making my day. And currently i have my in laws visiting and staying in MY APARTMENT with me, so making my day is NOT easy to do :P



Jami


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Review #17, by megthechef43 

28th February 2013:
Hello Jami,

I'm not going to lie; the word count on this chapter was daunting. Lol, but once I started reading the words flew by.

I think it is the little things that make a story. I love that you had a back story on her potions for her essay. I found it humorous that she is thinking she never met a werewolf and they are so uncommon because she is friends with Remus. A little bit of humor.

I could just James looking like he was about to jump up and down with excitement like a little kid at Christmas. This is so exciting for James!

I haven't said much on Peter because I dislike him too much. I like that no indication has been mentioned in your story. I mean to say that you don't have people disliking him or thinking he is a little rat. I find it hard to be impartial with certain characters but you do it well.

The memory was so sweet and personal for Lily. I almost forgot Lily's rough few months but the moment that sweater came out it was over for her. Remus is so sweet in taking care of her and saying the right things in her moment of distress. I'm glad Remus shared his story with Lily in a round-a-bout way. It showed his feelings on what had happened to him and in that moment I think I truly understand what Sirius and Remus had lost the night James died. Sirius lost his brother and Remus lost his entire family in one blow.

Gosh, it was such tense few moments as they listened in and then confronted the "Prospects". How was Bellatrix in the castle!?! I love the gesture of Remus handing Lily the piece of chocolate and the relation to Harry's first encounter with Remus. Dumbledore's reaction to the information doesn't surprise me at all because he always seems to be a step ahead of everyone else.

I am surprised McGonagall allowed the party but she is indeed and huge fan of Quidditch and I bet with James as the Caption she is sure they will win the Quidditch Cup.

OMG!!! JEALOUSY! Yeah, she might be refusing James but her heart isn't!! But then... Grrr...bring in the blond hunk. At least he is already jealous!

btw... Blonde is female and blond is male...

I'll be reading on...

Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg!

I knowww! I have a problem with writing long chapters, haha. I'm so happy that once you got reading it went quickly, though.

I really had a hard time getting myself to like Peter. I finally got to a point where I twisted his story around a bit, and we made peace :P But it wasn't easy, haha.

I think that's one of the saddest things, is thinking about how much Sirius and Remus both lost the night James and Lily were killed. Gah ;(. It's all just so sad.

I'm not sure how Bellatrix is getting in the castle (insert pretend thinking face here). I agree, Dumbledore does really always seem to be a step ahead.

Okay. You have no idea how much I want to hug you. I always wonder why blonde and blond are both correct!!! I was working on the newest chapter today, and was so giggly when I knew why I was using a certain 'blonde' haha. Thank you for telling me that!!!

Thanks so much for this lovely review, m'dear! I've really enjoyed our review swap. Let me know if you'd ever like to continue swapping with another story on your AP!

Jami


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Review #18, by patronus_charm 

25th February 2013:
Hello again!

It was nice to see Lily doing some school work, as so many stories seem to forget that they are at school, so its nice to see that youve remembered ;D I liked the details about the work of a healer, as it was interesting to see what their work may possibly include, as its always great to see what a magical alternative to a muggle job may be.

Im more like Lily than Harry and James when it comes to school work, so of course I could understand her annoyance at being interrupted. She seemed really interested in the health related potions though, is this a hint she wants to be a healer? If so thats awesome, as in my head canon shes a healer, as she just seems to be natural at it.

Aw its so sweet to see James growing up! Becoming head boy, quidditch captain, and now being able to be friends with Lily!

You seem to write the banter between the Marauders very well, which is great as thats one of my favourite parts of all the Marauders books. You also showed that theyre all equal in the friendship, and thats theres no superior ones, which is what its meant to be like, and that was just lovely.

I had wondered why Belle was called that, as its a rather unusual name, but it makes sense now as shes French. I liked the idea of Adeline marrying a French duke as it was nice to tie magic into muggle royalty. You can ignore this point, as its just me being a history nerd, but I thought that France got rid of all the titled class after the revolution which was in the 1700s? Or maybe its like the Greek royal family, and they just kept the titles anyway? She a mystery life in France though! I cant wait to find out more about it.

I could sense a brief amount of flirting going on between Belle and Sirius, how exciting! Also I love Alice and Frank they just seem great, and I love that Frank had some spunk about him!

I really liked the flashback, as it meant we could learn more about Lilys family dynamics, and you could sense that Petunia was always a little inferior then, with her not being invited to the tea party. Naw Lily was cute, with her not being able to say Ireland, I hope we get more flashbacks soon!

The idea of splitting up the paragraphs with a line is a great, as it sort of warns you mentally that the next paragraph/section will be about something else, so youre not shocked.

When Remus grabbed Lily, I thought he was going to kiss her then. But Im glad that he didnt, as no one should mess with Jilly, as theyre up there with Romeo and Juliet on couple cuteness. The Prospects sound interesting though, and Regulus Black was there, which is great, as I love him!

I like the idea of Alrek its interesting to have all these foreign students at Hogwarts as it adds something special to it. Aw poor James though, getting all jealous about a guy talking to Lily!

A great chapter, and I should be back soon:D

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: I'€™m working backwards with your responses, I hope you don’t mind!

First of all, thank you so SO much for all your lovely attention on Before They Fall ♥ You'€™ve just made my week. And it's a Monday. It’s hard to put me in a good mood on a Monday :P

I have a lot of fun exploring school work with this story. There'€™s a chapter later down the road, 17 I think, that is almost entirely about classes. I got a bit carried away on that one :P I'm more like James, as in I'€™ll take any distraction I can get from work :P hahha. And yes, though she isn'€™t sure of it right now, she later on decides that she is interested in becoming a healer! I think it it works really well for her character, and I'm so happy it meshes with your head canon!

I LOVE Marauders banter, or just really writing them all together in general. That was always one thing I felt like I got shorted on when reading J/L fan fictions, so I try to really make this story involve their friendship as much as relationships. I'€™m so happy you like it so far ♥

Really? I had no idea about that! I assumed that, because the UK still uses the title, France would too. oops! Thanks for noticing that! It actually doesn't become an important part of the story or anything, so maybe I'€™ll change it. I just need to figure out a different term to make it clear that he'€™s a well known/respected French men... hmm.. I'€™ll go play with google later :P

She did have a mystery life in France! You get more clues in chapter 7, then the whole story comes out in a later chapter :) 13 maybe?

Heheh I thought Little Lily was cute too!! Yes! Flashbacks are a recurring theme through this, they lessen as Lily starts not thinking about her family as much, but I use them to show a bit of what happened between her and Petunia up until the lovely Christmas meeting with her and Vernon!

No Remus! I can promise that I never will, in this story or any other, write Lily and James as anything but those two. You'€™re right, no one should mess with Jily :P

I'm happy the Prospects interested you! We do get looks into the 'dark side'€™ of the war from DE prospective, the first is actually next chapter, so I hope you like those!!

I'€™m so happy you like this chapter! I know these first few include a bit of cliches, but they'€™re pretty much over at this point. In my opinion, chapter 5 is the one that sort of starts giving the story a bit more life, so I'€™m really excited to see what you think about that one!

Thank you so much for stopping by, m'€™dear ♥

Jami


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Review #19, by ValWitch21 

6th February 2013:
Now, before I forget, because I've been meaning to tell you this but keep forgetting, you have some truly beautiful chapter images, and I love seeing the ones on new chapters.

Now. I think my absolute favourite part of this chapter was Lily's childhood memory. Again, it was heartbreakingly beautiful, and I enjoyed reading about young, unsour Petunia and her complicity with Lily.

The scene with the Prospects (great name by the way, is it cannon?) was very realistic. Your Bellatrix is chilling, completely mad, and by contrast I've got to say I admire Regulus -- with your character, I begin to wonder why he joined the Death Eaters. Definitely something to ponder on, as his motives aren't just "I'm a slimy Slytherin and my mummy made me do this".

Ugh, Alrek. I don't like you. I know why you're here. GO AWAY.

Brilliant chapter as always! :)

Author's Response: My chapter images!!! They're amazing, aren't they?? Pheonixn (now heartfelt.) if awesome. She's made all of the but one of the first, and yeah, love them. I still need to request for the last two chapters.

Prospects isn't canon, but I'm so happy you like it!! It's actually the term that motorcycle gangs give to members that are trying to become part. They go through an initiation where they're considered for the gang, and through that initiation their called prospects. Haha. Sorry, random fact. I'm not part of a motorcycle gang, I promise :P.

Hahah Alrek is a sneaky thing, right!?

We learn a bit of Regulus's possible motives through third parties, but not from him directly. But I always find myself curious about his motives, as well. We know he regretted it by the end... I think he just wanted so badly to please his parents and be the good son that Sirius couldn't.

Thank you again so much for your reviews. I love hearing (well, reading) your thought ♥


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Review #20, by WeasleyTwins 

19th December 2012:
Jami! Darling, this was wonderful! After the horrors of this week, this chapter was exactly what I needed.

Okay, so jumping right in. I love the descriptions at the beginning of Lily's schoolwork. You executed that section perfectly - a lot of authors, unfortunately, forget that these characters are receiving an education when they're at Hogwarts and that involves work. With the first section, I definitely think that you brought readers back to the reality of their situation - the characters are dealing with death, evil, and schoolwork (great combo, eh?) J.K. Rowling continually reminded us of this fact and I love that you model her approach, but make it your own.

The dialogue throughout the entire piece was practically flawless. It was just so natural and easy - it's definitely one of your many strong points! But you know, Jami, I could just go on and on like this all afternoon (or at least until I hit the maximum word count). I honestly think that everything about this piece was perfect. I did see a dangling modifier, but now I can't find it - it's not a big deal at all, just a minor error.

Oh. My. Goodness. That part between Remus and Lily was so beautiful. Your prose compliments it so well - it was so elegant. It really highlights the special bond between Lily and Remus that we know from the series. Your spin on it is just so emotional - my sappy, romantic self can't handle it. It's just too adorable!

How in the world do you expect me to leave you a review when just everything is so brilliant? You're such a great writer. There's just something about your writing and plot that glue me to the screen. With every chapter, the intensity heightens and oh my goodness, the end. That "transfer" student seems like a sketchy bloke. Maybe I'm reading into things way too much, but I feel like Lily should definitely stay away from him. And James being jealous = hot. Jealousy can ruin things when it gets to be too much, but I'm telling you, it is such a turn-on (I'll just pretend James is real ;D).

Your characterizations are also really coming into their own. The further I get into the story, the more the characters fit their characterizations so fabulously. Oh! So, I might like One Direction (the band) - well, I was listening to "Little Things" while I was reading and I kind of, no - definitely - think that it's the theme song for Lily and James. Anyway, random aside, but there you have it!

I'm so glad that I get to take this journey. Reading this story is going to be an adventure and I can't wait to read the next chapter!



Author's Response: Shelby! ♥ I'm visiting family in Idaho and so busy and ughhh I miss you! ♥

Your reviews always make me so happy. I wish I could do justice in their response, but i just want to melt into a big melted puddle.

I always wondered if the dialogue sounds smooth, in my head it does but I mean it's my head. So knowing that it felt right to you makes me so happy!

I feel like I spend too much detail on school work, but it's just such a fascinating part of Hogwarts! I mean.. they're learning to do magic! I'm so happy you liked that part and didn't think it was boring ♥

I love Remus and Lily's friendship. They're just such caring people and I feel like he would have been the one she would have talked to when James made her mad, haha. And he would have eventually met the perfect girl for him and those two would have fallen in love and Lily would be very skeptical at first because she didn't know if anyone could really be good enough for Remus but then she loved the woman and those two got married and Sirius and Belle would get married and it would be like all these not real but real enough sister in laws for Lily and gah. Okay. It makes me too sad that none of this could ever happen because, because ;(. Ugh.

Okay, I'm going to stop now and email you because I MISS YOU.


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Review #21, by CherryBoom 

9th December 2012:
Hi darling! I'm back and ready to holiday review this chapter. =)

I would recommend that you would add a mention that Abigail is a Slytherin, when you first introduce her to us, since otherwise next sentences are bit unclear to readers.

I like your idea of Draught of Blood and how you decided to elaborate origins of Wolfsbane potion. It was a good way to give us information about the stuff that I suspect you might use later in this fic.

Since Lily is so talented with potions, it's a really good idea to show us why she likes that subject so much. Of course added bonus is to make Lily to actively think about werewolves and maybe some day soon discover about Remus's furry little problem.

Wow wow, Peter has an admirer!

Really, that was so cute, and in a way a throwback to the HP books where girls were after Cedric, Roger and other Quidditch players. =) I'm so glad that you give Peter a decent teenage life. He was after all a Marauder and probably sought after in his own way. Maybe not half as popular as his friends, but he was in a popular crowd.

Oh, here's Belle again! I was wondering in the last chapter who on God's green earth she was, but here she resurfaces! Although I still don't know her last name. =P

Remus to the rescue! Well, I'm not sure what James would think about heart-to-heart in his beloved's bedroom, but it was a rather neat way to tell his story without actually telling her about himself.

Yay for Prospects! =P Sorry, I was kind of hoping for some cool wand waving and some mean hexes. But they're just holding a hush hush meeting in the middle of corridor! Happens unbelievably often in fics, you know. =P If I was having a secrety secret get-together amongst Slytherins, I would keep it in their common room. But that's just me. No wonder their plans to conquer the world failed.

Sorry, but it's rather tragic that after all the cool transfiguration they did for party, the banner still got captain spelled wrong. Lol.

Well, Lily had a busy night then. Crying, prospects, firewhiskey and a blondie from Durmstrang. Woo hoo for the head girl! =P

Please Jami, can we get some surnames, pretty please with a sugar quill on top?

This chapter had a nice flow, the flashback disrupted it some, but it got back to track quickly after that. There was still some misspelled words and sudden verbe tense changes, but my review is long enough as it is, so I'm not going to nitpick them through. If you want to know more about those, just PM me.

Lily was much more personable in this chapter than before, and I had fun reading it. It was quite a long read in one sitting though. Could have made two chapters out of it.

But for now, toodles! =)

Author's Response: Hi darling! I'm so happy Lily felt personable in this chapter! And for about two months it was over 10,000 words, so at least it isn't as long as it used to be :P. I think my problem is I started with writing OF before FF, and just got used to the longer chapter style of writing. Old habits die hard ;)!

You find Belle's last name out in.. chapter 7. I think. It might be chapter 6.. but the fist chance that I could have one of the friends use her full name, I did. But since she's not being introduced or anything as a 'new' character, because she's not new to Lily, I just didn't want to make it seem unnatural. Maybe I can go back through the earlier chapters and see if there's somewhere to get it in. Alrek's last name was actually left out for a very specific reason... mwahah. Sneaky me.

Bellatrix is in the cooridors with them instead of the CR because she's not exactly supposed to be at Hogwarts. And getting into the dungeons, then hoping none of the Slytherins that aren't DE prospects don't say anything about someone not a student being there just seemed like way more risk then meeting very close to the place that Bellatrix made access through. And they probably would have remained concealed if it wasn't for sneaky Remus's hearing, naughty werewolf :P I really like using the idea of Voldemort recruiting at Hogwarts. Especially since it was such a large deal to him to take over Hogwarts during the second wizarind world.. I think he would have wanted to start gaining followers at a very young age so they're easier to bend to his will. And of course Bellatrix has to make sure their orders are being followed to a T :P

I never thought about the idea that James would mind there heart to heart.. I can see if it was just one of the random Gryffindors, he may be a bit put off. But I don't think there would have been any doubt in his mind whether or not his friends would be trustworthy with Lily..

I agree that the flashback disrupts this chapter a bit too. I'm going to start backing up all the chapters, and maybe on a solid read through I'll be able to stop a smoother place for this flashback!

Thanks for the review!


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Review #22, by Pixileanin 

3rd December 2012:
I really enjoyed getting into Lily's head with her while she was doing her Potions homework. That's a scene we so rarely see in fanfiction and I found it utterly fascinating. Additionally, when James interrupted her, I felt her frustration just as strongly as if he were interrupting me. Stupid boys!

" A fifth year had even come up to James and demanded that he put Peter on the team as a Beater, saying: 'He would look so dreamy in the Gryffindor uniform!'"

Ahh, hahaha! I like your characterization of Peter in this chapter so far. He's friendly and acceptable and completely above any kind of suspicion. And the people around him seem to like him to an extent. Just one of the boys.

I'm also enjoying Belle here. She adds a perfect amount of tension to the girls' group without becoming overbearing, so I'll forgive you for making her a transfer student. I'm sure her personal story will pop up eventually. Nicely done!

Remus' talk with Lily was nicely placed and touching. I had expected one of the girls to come up and help her out, but it's nice to see you building the relationship between Lily and the rest of the boys too.

The invisibility cloak scene with the "Prospects" added an extra layer to this chapter. And I really like how Lily is trying so hard to maintain her control, but can't quite do it. Now she's agreed to go gallivanting off with some strange transfer student and she's going to wake up with a really bad reminder of why you should pay attention to what you drink. Poor Lily!

I think you're doing a fantastic job with the characters here, keeping them real and letting them act true to form without being over-the-top caricatures of seventeen year olds that just run around doing things because they can.

I am still enjoying this story, and so sorry that it's taken ages to get back to it!

pix

Author's Response: Hi darling ♥ I definitely took a risk with Belle as transfer student! Her full story just came out in chapter 13, and I hope when/if you make it there you enjoy getting to learn the rest of the Blonde's back story!

More than anything, I want this to be a story about these young people who had to be put through too much too soon, about their friendship and who they were, so knowing you like the characterizations so far is such a huge compliment ♥

Thank you so much m'dear for stopping by ♥


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Review #23, by MissMdsty 

11th November 2012:
Well, I didn't have to wait long for them to disagree again.

So far, I'm really liking this story. Your portrail of Lily is one of the best I've come across.

A lot has happened in this chapter, I liked the flashback of Lily's childhood and her interactions with Remus (he is such a sweet guy). I'm curious about the new student, I have a feeling he's going to be trouble.

Again, a lot of teenage humor in this, which I loved. I'd tell you my favorite line but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to use it in reviews. Extra hint from you, it comes from the lovely and twisted mind of Lily Evans.

Author's Response: You like Lily?? Ahh I worry so much about that. She's so set in my head, I worry if she's coming across how I want her to, so knowing you like her is such a relief!

Keep an eye on that new student :P

I'm going to read back through right now and see if I can spot that line! I still can't believe you're still reading and reviewing, and I hope you know how much I appreciate it ♥


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Review #24, by Roots in Water 

10th November 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry for the delay!

I enjoyed reading this chapter and I think that you did a good job with making your "cliches" un-cliche. For instance, I really liked how you had Lily ask McGonagall for permission to hold the party. An allowed party with chaperones makes a lot more sense than an "illegal" one. I was a little surprised, though, when the party was held in the Gryffindor common room- I would have thought that they'd use an old classroom or something along those lines for it instead. Are students allowed in the common rooms of other Houses?

Your transfers are interesting and neither seems to fall under the unfortunate case of the "perfect transfer". Though you haven't gone into too much detail about them at the moment, Belle's refusal to talk about her past makes her very interesting and of course Alrek is interesting- he's making himself into a block between Lily and James. I do have a question, though: has Lily ever mentioned Belle before? If she's a close friend of Lily (even as recent an addition to her life as she is), I would have thought that she'd think about her just as she thinks about Alice. But then again there might not have been the opportunity to insert Belle before now...

As for overall characterizations, I think that you're doing a great job with them! It's nice to see Lily's feelings for James slowly develop (and you're doing the "why am I thinking this? I'm supposed to be irritated with him" line of thought quite well) and the scene here with James being kissed by another girl was interesting. I was surprised that he didn't push her off more quickly but I suppose that he didn't want to be rude. He doesn't seem like one of those guys, which is probably one of the reasons why Lily will later fall for him.

The rest of the Marauders are great as well. One of my favourite things about this chapter is that someone has a crush on Peter- he's not just a hanger-on here. As well, I really liked the section where Lily was debating about the benefits of Wolfsbane. I wonder if she'll ever learn that Remus is a werewolf...

I noticed a few small things as I was reading. To begin, with the phrase "been as great" I don't think that you need the "as" there. As well, with "been her mums", "her younger sisters" and "her in harms way" you're missing the apostrophe in "mum's", "sister's" and "harm's". Finally, with the phrase "sisters, though" I think that you should make "though" the beginning of a new sentence and with "wiled eyed" do you mean "wild" instead of "wiled"?

I think that you did a fantastic job with your description. I was able to easily visualize everything in each section. However, I was a little confused by the section where Remus and Lily listened to the Prospects... I wondered what they were doing there until I reread the previous scene and realized that they were on their way to the kitchens... And never made it there,

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter, The cliches weren't cliche and the flow was great! Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Hi darling!! I think before this the only mention of Belle is in chapter 2, when Olivia tells James that Lily well have all of them as well as Isabelle and Alice, and then when they first get into the Great Hall. I've also edited things about a million times, so I may have accidentally added Alice in during an extra part.Haha I'll go read through and make sure. I'm so happy you like the transfers so far! I'm actually just now writing Belle's chapter where she finally tells all about her past, squeel! And Alrek, seriously, watch him. Though he will be an annoyance to James, his purpose for being there is *much* bigger than that.

Oops in that Remus and Lily were on their way from the Heads' Dorms to the Gryffindor Common Room. I deleted a large part of this chapter to get it under 10,000 words, so I probably deleted the section that turned that into a smooth transition. haha,thank you for pointing out the confusion with that as well as the errors. I have a sort of lazy day, so I'll read back through this and try edit those! Yay!

I'm so happy that I uncliched the cliches a bit!! I promise, this is the last cliche filled chapter :P. I'm really excited to see what you think with the start of the next..

Your comments were very helpful! It's so nice that you pointed the errors out as opposed to just telling me I had errors. It's often hard to catch little mistakes when they're your *own* mistakes. Thank you for taking the time to read and review! Speaking of, I'm excited to catch up on Pansy this weekend!

Jami


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Review #25, by LovlyRita 

3rd November 2012:
Yay I'm here for chapter 4! Nano has been taking over my life but since I was on THE chapter I thought I'd come over and take a break, and I'm so glad I did!!

First off, I'm reading about the Draught of death and I was like...ooh that sounds interesting but...horrifically hard to control. In my mind while I was reading I thought, how do you keep it from thickening your blood so much it clots and you die. And then you explained it in the next paragraph ahaha bravo! That's actually a really scary thought, but I could see how in controlled doses it could be used, although you did mention it isn't used a lot. Which makes me all of a sudden wonder if wizards use potions like medications...I mean what if their cholesterol levels are high? What if they have diabetes? I suppose they'd just grow a new pancreas. I wish I was a wizard...

alright, moving SWIFTLY along, Next to wolfsbane, which, reading the effects of it kind of reminded me of reading the side effects label of a medication. "In some cases, people taking wolfsbane have experienced nausea, vomiting, and the inability to change back into a human following the full moon." love it!

I am loving the way that Lily is just casually starting to notice things about James, to really come around to him. I guess it never occurred to me that maybe Lily didn't feign interest in James until after he started getting little snippets of power and showing more responsibility. Then, that Potter was quite the catch!

So sometimes I Feel like I judge these stories at hogwarts a little too harshly. They are, after all, only 17ish years old. I thought it was perfectly normal and natural the way they were all at the bathroom counter applying their make up to get ready for this huge party. I thought the interaction between Sirius and Belle was very interesting, but my favorite part is how you used a lot of metaphors in that scene for the weather. I thought that was very well done!

Poor Lily. And how brave of Remus to recount his story to her, especially knowing full well how smart that she is and that she may in the future figure it out. Remus is my favorite of all the marauders, so I was really quite pleased that he was the one that found her this time. It is a dreadful thing, but Lily really does have the best support system.

Oh no, Severus :( *heart breaks* I know it's realistic but still haha. I love that Bellatrix was there, how deliciously random! I can't believe she snuck in past Dumbledore, but what a clever way to make sure the students stay informed about the Dark Lord's plans. Very interesting indeed!

What is this? A chaperoned party in the gryffindor common room? Surely you jest! :D no, I love it! The stranger from Durmstrang was an interesting twist. I wonder what is going on with all these kids from other schools (and by all these kids I mean 2) suddenly showing up at Hogwarts? Very interesting indeed! And then Lily ends up puking in the hallway! What a rebel!

Okay, now that I've finished reading it, I have to say, I think you're taking this to great places. You are definitely making all the characters seem realistic in both age and action, but it's written in a mature way. I feel as though I can't stop using the word realistic. Maybe it's just because I haven't read a James and Lily story voluntarily in oh about five or so years, give or take a few, but I think it's definitely a refreshing take on an over done pairing, and I'm really enjoying where you are taking it so far! Bravo! :)

Author's Response: Hahaha I just want to hug you Rita. You have no idea.

This is one of those chapters that you have to take with a grain of salt, I think. And now that your past it, I promise I won't ever throw as many cliches into one chapter again. I also promise every single character I introduce has a purpose. The fact that Alrek came from overseas, and that he just started attending this year, and the fact that he chose Lily to talk to, are all important. Hint Hint. I'm going to give stuff away. Oops.

Belle! I know she's hard to like at first. Gorgeous French girl, ready to pair up with Sirius. You'll find more about her in chapter... 8? 7. Chapter 7. Not everything, but enough to make you warm up to her. And I know you didn't say you disliked any of this, but I just want you to know I'm not throwing a bunch of random cliches at you for not reason :P.

WE'RE READING MINDS TOGETHER. I'm working on the Potters life timeline, I've decided they will BOTH live to see their grandson born, and I'm trying to figure out if they would have any natural aged thingies. Sorry. My terminology gets an F right now. I wand Olivia to have Arthritis, but it seems like that would be fairly easy to fix. You know, if you can regrow bones you should be able to bring down the inflammation in joins. Right now though I am thinking of high blood pressure. Because that's something she'd have to use a potion for pretty regularly, and it doesn't seem right to have an 80+ year old witch NOT on any kind of medication, haha!

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT! There's a huge Severus Lily section in chapter 8! A good one. Not a fighting one. Amanda (Academica) liked it, and she's my go to Severus lady, so that means it has to be decent!

I'm so happy you're enjoying this ♥ You didn't say it, but I know this is kind of a tough chapter to get through. I had a lot of things that needed to be introduced before chapter 5, but I am so happy you made it through this and I really think you'll like chapter 5. We take a little looksie inside the Death Eaters world (oh, and you will find out just how Bellatrix get's in eventually.)

Thank you again for giving my little Marauders story a chance ♥


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