68 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MalfoysAngel 

1st April 2017:
This made me cry! Your descriptions capture grief beautifully and I know exactly how Lily feels right now. I lost my grandmother a couple years ago and I went through every emotion that Lily has in about the same amount of time. I had to be forced to eat and it took me a couple months before I was able to function somewhat normally again. I was pretty much left alone to deal with all the new emotions, and I'm glad that Lily had James and the rest of the Potter clan (including the Marauders) to help her and not let her drown in her grief.

Speaking of James, If this was actually canon, this would show the exact moment when James went from being an arrogant prat (Lily's words, not mine) to being a decent human being and I'm really glad you decided to capture this moment. I can actually picture James offering his support to Lily and the exact moment when he helps her realize that she'll be okay.

Thank you for such a beautiful chapter. You have an amazing way with words and I'm excited to read the next chapter to see what you have in store for James, Lily, and the rest of the gang.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Marshal 

1st April 2017:
Well here I am at chapter 2 and I like how you are developing the friendship/romance of Lily and James. You are doing a nice job of relaxing the two characters into one another. Of course we always knew that James cared for Lily but I like how Lily is learning that she can depend on him and that he isn't always a prat.

I always feel that a good friendship is a good basis for a good relationship and that is what you have building here. I also like the light humor you've weaved into the chapter - I feel that it is much needed to keep the sadness and heart break Lily is feeling from getting to the reader.

I will be interested to see what you will have next in the coming chapters for Lily and James and the others of course - and I am eager to meet your Remus in this story. He's my favorite character so it will be interesting to see you take on him. I kind of guessed when he wasn't present that there was a moon and of course he would be stubborn and say no to the others joining him so close to the start of the school year.

Anyway we shall see what is next!

Author's Response: I so agree, Remus s such an amazing character. I had so much fun exploring him and Lily's friendship in this story. As much as I love the romance aspect of Lily and James, it's raelly the friendship of the entire group that makes (for me) writing a Marauders era so great. The dynamics of it all, combined with the love story aspect, are my favorite thing to explore.

Thank you so much for you kind words, and I hope you're enjoying the rest!

 Report Review

Review #3, by PinkRose 

17th July 2014:
As of late I have been reading a lot of Draco/Hermione stories. I know this one is completed, but I had to let you know that so far I am truly enjoying it. The way you have vocalized the imagery of the house, and the train is fantastic!

 Report Review

Review #4, by TheMaraudersBabe 

28th April 2014:
Back again! I didn't say it in my review of Chapter 1 but I really enjoy the spacing of your paragraphs. By that, I mean that I appreciate that your chapters are not a bunch of long, arduous paragraphs. I like that they are shorter and spaced out because it (1) makes it easier to read and (2) makes it a lot faster as well. I can definitely see how that plays onto making it addicting! Once again, excited to continue reading! xo

 Report Review

Review #5, by Debra20 

5th August 2013:
Jami, why are you so intent on making me cry? This was truly a heart-wrenching chapter. I mean, as much as I expecting something like this from the way the previous chapter ended, what with Lily having recently lost her parents, there were moments while I was reading this chapter when I seriously considered closing the tab and reading it another day haha There were a lot of intense emotions flying around this chapter.

I have to say, I am falling in love deeper and deeper with your canon characters. I am sure the story will feature some OC's as well, and I am very excited at the prospect of reading characters written from your own imagination and heart, but until then I am thoroughly enjoying the canon ones.

Lily and James stole the spotlight this chapter. I know how much it means having someone by your side when you are going through such an ordeal like Lily is currently living, so seeing James being so supportive, giving his whole selfless attention to her, caring for her every needs and many times just being there for a hug made me tear up more than anything else. I've recently gone through a death in my family and the feeling of someone's comforting hug cannot possibly be expressed into words. It's like honey for a sore throat. He was just amazing, I wish I could have a guy like James one day haha

I don't have much to say in matter of plot because I can't feel there is much going on at the moment, apart from Lily slowly accommodating herself to a life without her parents. But now that think about it, that's a plot in itself, so I am eager to see how she evolves and how will her feelings modify with the passing of time and the roller-coaster of events that are nearing her life. It really makes me sad because I feel that Lily doesn't have much time to recover because the war is looming overhead. She will just have to swallow her grief and steel her heart against what will come because otherwise she has no chance of surviving. Can't waaait to see more of the story!!

Author's Response: HI lovely!

Hahaha I definitely wanted to do Lily justice with what she just lost. One thing I really don't like is when an emotional, life changing thing happens to a character but then it's not properly followed through. I want Lily's parents death to really, really get close to breaking her, and be another thing that strengthens her as she learns to handle it. I sound so mean, haha, poor baby ♥

Aww I'm so, so happy you like James in this chapter. Getting to show how, even if he hasn't always made the best choices, that he still has an amazing heart was something I really wanted to do. And you made me feel like I definitely got that across in this chapter!

I'm so happy you liked these first few chapters ♥ I promise, it won't stay too sad for long. It gets darker pretty soon, but not exactly sadder for quite a few chapters!

Thank you so, so much lovely ♥

 Report Review

Review #6, by HartOfARebel 

4th August 2013:
New to this story, just found it randomly. So far so good. Curious to know what Sirius was going to say to James though!

Author's Response: Hi there, m'dear!! I hope you enjoyed these first few chapters, and if you continued reading, that you enjoyed the next ones!! What Sirius wanted to tell James comes out pretty soon... well, sort of ;) but you'll of course find out!

Thank you so much for this review, and I'm so happy you liked the first two!! And your penname makes me smile. I absolutely love it!

♥ Jami

 Report Review

Review #7, by AlexFan 

17th July 2013:
I find it so sweet that James is so worried about Lily. We all know that he's a bit arrogant but you really showed that underneath all of that arrogance, James really does care about Lily and that he's really a good person.

I also love the fact that there's Peter in this, he's often a background character and he's not really in the story much, he's mostly just there because he has to be and be serves no real purpose. Anyway, I'm glad to see that that's not the case this time around and that Peter actually has a voice instead of being wallpaper.

I admire Lily for being so strong, it's a big deal to have your parents murdered and your sister not speaking to you so I think that she's handling everything really well. I'm not exactly sure how Violet Clarke didn't realise that Lily wasn't feeling well. I mean, Lily must've had some sort of look on her face saying that she wasn't feeling the best at the moment. Then again, maybe Violet is just really oblivious.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the second chapter!

Author's Response: Hi again m'dear!

Showing that James is a good person under the arrogance means a lot to me, and it makes me so happy that you liked seeing that!

Oh gosh, I could go on a huge Peter rant and how much I hate what people do to him. I'll try and keep myself in check, haha. Anyway, he definitely does get his own personality in this story :D!

Violet is a very, very self centered teenager. That will come across more in later chapters. Her main concern is herself and how to get what she wants, and that's going to come back and teach her a not so fun lesson in the future.

I'm so excited you enjoyed this second chapter! Your reviews are so much fun to respond to!

♥ Jami

 Report Review

Review #8, by BluebirdBrigade 

17th July 2013:
So, Violet is a poo head. I mean yeah, she might not know about Lily's horrible recent events but she seems like a very selfish person...and Lily's parents died in a car crash - that's awful :( I was once in a car crash, broke my leg. I still can't really stand the smell of car fumes, urghhh. I love the way you have made Lily so hollow and breakable, it's kind of fascinating but sad to see. I actually like reading about Heroine's who recover from trauma and terrible pasts so I think I'm definitely going to like this story!

Oh my god, how cute are James and Lily? I love the way she says that she can't have a go at him if he's not behaving like a prat. I like the way we haven't seen his prat-ish side too. It makes a nice change. Usually authors make him overly annoying and stalker-y or so nice and adorable that you wonder if Lily needs to be admitted to a mental asylum. Either way, I already love him! And I love Sirius and his comment to James...and I love Remus... and I LOVE THIS.

Author's Response: It's a MAZ!!! ♥

Violet is definitely a poo head. Dan has taken to calling her Vile. I think it felt hers well :P. In this, dark characters are pretty common, and Violet's a nice contrast between the future death eaters and the future Marauders heroes. She's just a teenage girl who is way too full of herself, and will end up paying for that down the road an having to learn a hard lesson.

Aww I'm so excited that you're getting warm fuzzies from L and J! I just want to sit here and be like, 'you love it? really???' and ugh these compliments turn me to mush. I work so hard to do justice to the group, and knowing you like them so far just makes me want to squish-hug you ♥

Thank you for another absolutely wonderful review! You're spoiling me!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Erised 

16th July 2013:
Hey Jami! After reviewing the first chapter for the pairings and absolutely loving it I'm here to do some more for our latest task!

So what I really loved about the first section was how you really got into Lily's head and her emotions of how she'd be feeling after her parents had died was really spot on. She seemed so confused, angry and upset that I just wanted to reach out and give her a big hug. Petunia is vile too, blinded by hatred as she always was in the books. Good job on this bit.

Olivia and William are such lovely people, aren't they? I really liked the conversation between her and James. It was just so motherly and she clearly wants the best for Lily, they both do. Peter, Sirius and James also have a really good dynamic that is so nice to read. Their friendship just lifts off the page.

Ha, this Violet seems like a character! She isn't to know though. Lily's strong in this which is so nice to see - I have no time for weak female characters :P it's really sweet that James wants to look after her though. Her parents' deaths seem to be the missing link that they needed to get together.

Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi lovely!

Petunia, or at least what happened before this, won't come out for some time but she did (in her head) have a reason not to be there for Lily. Telling the story of those two during BTF is something I've had so much fun with. I can definitely see myself trying to give them a short story eventually.

I'm so excited you liked how I got in her head! I've never lost someone as close as a parent, so trying to make sure that I gave her grief proper importance was a difficult challenge. It makes me so happy you think it turned out well!

Their friendship is one of my FAVORITE things to write about. Most the time I like it better than the romance side of things, and it tends to be easier as well :P

Thank you so much for another awesome and thoughtful review! ♥

 Report Review

Review #10, by nott theodore 

19th May 2013:
Hi Jami! (your name isn't that common where I come from, so it doesn't sound unoriginal to me!)

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to review this chapter, but I've been busy with exams and revision, so while I have a few days free I'm taking the opportunity to get caught up with some reading and reviewing.

I feel so sorry for Lily in this chapter, especially with the way that Petunia treated her. In a way I can understand her reaction, and also the reasons why she might hate magic so much; it's not only that she's jealous of it, but that it's been responsible for the deaths of some of her closest family, and that would be difficult for anyone to deal with. That's not to excuse the way she treated Harry, of course, but this story's actually made me think that there might be something else behind it.

I'm so glad that Lily has James to help her through this. He's very protective of her and at times it seems that he's a little over-protective, especially since the two aren't a couple yet, but at the same time I kind of feel it's what she needs at this point in time to help her deal with it all. I know I've already said this, but I'm so glad to see that James and Lily are friends and aren't going from hate to love in an instant!

Lily seems like such a strong character here, and I love that about her. She's really brave to go back to Hogwarts after all that she's been through, and although James thinks it's too soon, I know that sometimes it can be better to do something that will take your mind off what you've seen or what's happened, and help you pretend that everything is normal. Plus, there aren't many places that are safer than Hogwarts with Dumbledore as headmaster (shamelessly paraphrasing Hagrid there).

I also really like the way that you write the relationship between James and his parents. Olivia seems pretty wise (a bit like Dumbledore, actually!) in helping James to realise that he's got to let Lily do what she wants, and that he doesn't always know what's best for her.

Another aspect I enjoyed was the way you portrayed the friendship between James, Sirius and Peter. Peter often isn't included in Marauders stories, or if he is he seems quite a repulsive character. I think there must have been some reason that the four of them were friends (other than convenience, of course!). It's great to see him here.

You have such a lovely and compelling style of writing, and it just seems really natural when I read through it. I'm enjoying this so much already and I'm only on the second chapter! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens in the next chapter, when they get to Hogwarts!

Sian :) (It's actually Welsh for Jane, which isn't all that original when you think about it! :P)

Author's Response: Hi Sian! Is Jami Welsh for anything neat??

So I get certain reviews that, to give them the response they deserve, I copy and paste into a different document then answer the review here as I read it on that. And your reviews is definitely on of those. Haha. THANK YOU for that ♥

I'm really happy you enjoyed this chapter ♥ Although having exams sucks. I can't say I miss that aspect of being in school :P

You'll see a LOT more of Petunia throughout this. I have a big problem believing her and Lily just stopped being close and that was it. I'm not sure if you have any siblings, but if you do you know nothing is ever that simple. I hope you like their story as that unfolds, too!

I had a really hard time imagining what Lily would do in this situation. I didn't want to make her too brave, but brave enough to show how she eventually becomes the woman she does. I'm extra happy you thought I hit a good balance here ♥ And I liked your Hagrid paraphrasing, although I'm going to assume you don't have a big long beard :P!

That's exactly what I wanted to do with Olivia. Give her some of those Dumbledore-ish qualities. Thanks to JKR's 'James's parents died of natural causes and old age' statement, I've had to make them much older than I'd have liked. In this, they're in their 80s but don't seem a day over fifty.

I completely agree about there being a reason that all four of them were friends. And even if they picked on Peter a bit more, you still don't stay friends with someone for seven years just to pick on them. I do really try to give him is own personality in this. I hope you end up liking it!

All your compliments are turning me to mush. I'm so happy you liked the start of this, and I hope you end up being able to see improvement in my writing throughout the story. That's something I really strive for.

Thank you so much for your absolutely awesome review, Sian ♥!

 Report Review

Review #11, by Cassius Alcinder 

1st May 2013:
Review tag!

So it's been far too long since I read the first chapter, and hopefully it will be a lot shorter than that before I go on to read the next one.

This is a very fascinating era of canon, as we only get to see glimpses of it in the books, and the glimpses we see are pretty much caricatures of what the characters were like at that age, so you definitely have a lot to work with.

While the glimpse we see of James/Lily at that age involves the infamous scene with Snape from their 5th year, James obviously matured a lot from that point to the point where they ended up together, and I think you've done a really good job at showing the seeds of that here, given the mature and sensitive way he was handling Lily's loss. We also know that Lily's parents have to die before Harry is born, so it's always interesting to see how writers incorporate that.

Overall so far we can see how the events around James and Lily are forcing them to grow up at a young age, and I can only imagine its going to get more serious when the war becomes a factor.

Also, I have to commend you for including Peter, and also in a way that seems pretty accurate as to how I'd picture Peter at that age. Far too often he is totally left out.

This chapter gave us a really good sense of Lily's inner struggles, and how they ultimately may draw her closer to James. I'll try to read more soon!

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you enjoyed this second chapter, and I know how that can happen with RL getting busy and a story sort of getting pushed back.

Peter is definitely left out way too often. I've sort of gotten a nice head canon around him which helps a lot with writing him and making sure he is included as one of the friends and not just a tag along.

I'm really happy you liked the start of James and Lily growing up. Really, I think James could have matured over anything. Just the war starting, or more specifically them realizing how bad the war actually is, would have done it probably. But I figured to use Lily' parents' death as a nice little stepping stone ;).

Thank you so much for this lovely review ♥

Btw, I'm always very curious about your username. haha. I may have to google it.

 Report Review

Review #12, by Courtney Dark 

21st April 2013:
Hey there!

Wow, it has been a while since I read the first chapter, and I've been meaning to come back to this story for a while now, but for some reason I just haven't gotten around to it. But I'm glad I'm here now, because I can already tell I'm going to love this story! You have such a lovely, natural writing style that just really drew me in. Just from reading this chapter, everything you've written feels so real. Your characterizations of all of your characters so far are great - I feel as though they are the real Lily and James, written by JK Rowling herself.

Because I can't wait to read the next chapter, I'll just mention a few quick things.

I'm glad that you actually included Peter! So many marauders stories completely leave him out, because of what he becomes. And I'm glad that, from what I can see so far, that you haven't made him a completely unlikable character. He is actually one of the marauders, if that makes any sense at all.

Secondly, I love James' parents! Olivia kind of reminds me of Harry, in a weird sort of way. And I like that James is not a complete prat at the beginning of your story.

I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Author's Response: Hi Courtney!!! I was so surprised to see you here! I need to catch up on Missing!!

That's such an awesome compliment! I'm so happy you liked the characterizations so far. I really want to do this group justice, so I hope you continue to like their personalities throughout.

Peter is actually someone I've ended up liking through writing this! I've also twisted up his betrayal in my head canon to give it a way that I can understand, so that helps a lot at enjoying his character. He definitely continues to be included in this just as much as the other boys :)!

Thank you so much for this awesome review ♥ Jami

 Report Review

Review #13, by rogue_bludger 

20th April 2013:
poor lily! i'm so glad she has james though :)
i love lily/james stories and your is amazing so far!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! Chapter 5 is when things really start getting exciting, in my opinion at least. But one of my favorite bad characters comes in during that chapter, so that may be why ;)!

Thank you so much for stopping and leaving a review! ♥

 Report Review

Review #14, by True Author 

31st March 2013:
Oh Lily! That poor poor poor thing... You don't know how bad I'm feeling about her. :( She's one of my favorite characters from the whole series and for me she's always the smiling and enthusiastic and loving girl. for the first time I saw her in pain. Her feelings were good. Especially the first few paragraphs. loved them. =]

AND I AM IN LOVE WITH JAMES! Aww how much he cares about her... I think his mother knows it all. I like her too.


Author's Response: I am with you on the being in love with James thing!! But we have to keep our distance, that Lily is a feisty thing ;).

I really hated and loved writing those first few paragraphs. Obviously I didn't want to make her sad, but at the same time I did they ended up feeling like I wanted them too.

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews ♥ reading and responding to them has made my day ♥


 Report Review

Review #15, by TheHouseElf 

20th March 2013:
Hey Jami, here with another review!

Again, I loved the beginning of this chapter! The short scenes with Lily just epitomises how she's crumbling inside, the descriptions, yet again, as glorious as ever. I also liked the yearning Lily has for her sister, the yearning for an older family member to tell her 'everything will be alright', it truly is heartbreaking to read.

Oh my, Mrs Potter is a crafty one, isn't she! Wow, pudding works every time, doesn't it just? I love the mother/son relationship her and James have going on, its really cuddly, fuzzy and warm, it's great :P I also liked the Marauders relationship beginning to be developed, the silent communication. And the mention of the Longbottoms! Ah, doesn't everyone just love the Longbottoms!

Oh, that Violet is quite self-absorbed, isn't she? She seems like a character that isn't evil, just a little conceited :P I have a feeling we'll see more of her and her arrogance...

I loved the Jily going on, the comforting- of course it's sad that Lily's parents are dead, but hey, it means Jily! I liked Lily's resolution at the end, her determination to be okay. It just seems so in character, otherwise she wouldn't be a Gryffindor would she?

Another great chappie Jami :D

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry for taking so long on this response :(. Family just came into town Friday night, and they're killing me. Haha. I'm going to be at work tomorrow though (thank god) and can't wait to finally have time to read another of your chapters!

You're completely correct about Violet. She's not evil at all, she's just a sixteen year old girl who's a bit too full of herself and likes to cause drama. I'm sure we all know one of those ourselves :P

I'm so happy you liked that it ended with a bit of her determination. Exactly like you said, that's what makes her a Gryffindor!

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews ♥ sorry again for the response wait time :(. But I love being able to read through them again ♥

 Report Review

Review #16, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

5th March 2013:
*sneaks in all snake-like*

I feel so sorry for Lily, I just want to hug her and tell her everything will be alright and all the things her sister's prejudice is keeping her from doing. I'd have thought their parents' funeral would have brought a little more civility, seeing as though they are their only family. But it just makes me love the fact that she has James and Sirius and James' parents so much more.

I particularly loved the talk between James and Olivia, that even though she's concerned and worried, she also understands what Lily needs and is accepting of her decision even when James tries to get her to do otherwise. James accepting how things will be and knowing that his mother knows what she's doing and the apology for trying to get her to change her mind really shows his maturity. He cares for Lily, but he isn't pushing (completely) and letting her do what she wants to do. I like this in James, I think it'll be the start of something wonderful. ;)

I love the inclusion of Remus, even though he wasn't physically in the chapter, especially they were talking about his condition - that sense of belonging and being a part of them is always lovely to see even though to them it's probably only natural. (It's just my love for him coming through.) :P

And Peter. You've got him just like I'd imagine him at this age. I look forward to seeing more of him, of them all. Other people's take on the Marauders is always something I both love and I'm a little wary of (only when they don't include Peter, though). I love your taken in them already.

Really enjoyed this chapter. :)

Miss Snaky. ;)

Author's Response: Hi miss snaky ;)!

I'm so happy that you felt sad for Lily in this first section. Later on in the story, much later, you actually learn what happened to get Lily and Petunia to the point that they are. Well, my version at least :P.

I really get irritated when James is show as incredibly immature in his 7th year, because less than a year from now he'll be dedicating his life to a war. I'm so glad that you liked the mature side of him I've shown here. I'm sure watching Lily go through what she did had a lot to do with that maturity, as well.

Awww I'm so happy you love Remus! I love him too. He's such an amazing character.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, m'dear ♥ I'm heading back over to Silver Linings this evening!

Jami ♥

 Report Review

Review #17, by patronus_charm 

24th February 2013:
Why did I never come back to this? Iím seriously regretting not coming back sooner, so thank you for reminding me about this story!

I thought that you caught Lilyís emotions of dealing with her parentís death really well. You could really feel for her, and all the pain she must be going through. Then for Petunia to not even come, when theyíre parents have died! I would have thought their sisterly bond may have been tighter than that, at least Lily has got the Potters to look after her though :D

I really loved Olivia and William Potter, they just seemed like such lovely people, and you couldnít help but not like them. I think it was the fact that they referred to Sirius as their son as well, is what really touched me, as it seemed as if they loved him just as much as loved they James. And of course everything theyíre doing for Lily as well, just shows how awesome they are!

Aw James is so sweet, and that scene with his mum was lovely! Itís nice to see his more mature love of Lily, where heís actually taking care of her, and considering her feelings, rather than the more immature version of it, where heís just out to pester her!

Itís so cool that Jamesís mum is friends with Frankís mum, Jamesís is friends with Frank, and Harry is friends with Neville. Itís funny to see how their whole family is, and how their fate is intertwined, and it really reinforces how similar their situation is, and why Voldemort must have had a hard choice, in choosing who to go after.

So the character everyone loves to hate has appeared in the form of Violet Clarke then? I can see why Lily would find her annoying, I mean why would she want to listen about her holiday, when sheís still grieving over her parentís death?

And we got to find out how her parents died! Iím glad that you choose a muggle death for them, as it seems more realistic, and itís a nice change from them being killed death eaters. It also seemed more believable, and powerful, as it shows you how some little things can change your life so much.

I loved the ending with Lily and James in the compartment as well, it was so heartfelt and sweet! James is just what she needs now!

I will definitely be coming back to this story, I just have so many other stories to catch up on as well, it may be a while, but youíll see me soonish! Ah Iím so annoyed I didnít come back sooner though, thank you for posting in my status and reminding me about this story!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hiii ♥ I'm so happy that you wanted to come back to this story and weren't like 'ugh why is this girl requesting that I review this!!' hahaah!

I think that Petunia was really, really hurt at his point. Not that it excuses her for not coming to see Lily, but we'll see more to how they go to the point where Petunia wouldn't come see her through those flashbacks. I think if Petunia would have thought about it more though, instead of acting on grief and taking it out of Lily, she would have come to see her. At least I hope :(.

I liked the sort of tie in, too!! I know a lot of people don't love when Frank and Alice are this young, but I just love the idea so much of Neville's parents and Harry's being friends. It just gives me warm fuzzies ♥

Violet definitely causes issues, but pretty minor. We have a few more love to hate characters coming up that are much more sinister then our delightful little stuck up 6th year ;)

I'm really happy you like the way they died. I actually stole it from Petunia. I thought it would be sort of ironic for her to say that her sister and James died in the way that her parents actually did die.

I'm so happy you liked this chapter ♥ thank you again for all your awesome reviews, and if you do decide to read on past four, I hope you continue enjoying it ♥


PS! How do you pronounce your name? I've been trying to figure it out :P

Kiana like - k-eye-ana or like, Key-ana? Either way it's so pretty and unique!


 Report Review

Review #18, by megthechef43 

20th February 2013:

GAH... Don't you hate it when you write out an awesomely long review and then you lose it!! Stupid internet... Anyway, moving on.

I'm in love with your writing. Your words are amazing and I wish I wrote even half as well as you do. On top of that you express feelings in the words that are prefect. That may be confusing but I'll try to explain what I mean a bit better. Example "She heard the melody of soft words slipping from his lips. He was singing to her, singing her back into the black fog that protected her from the jagged edges of reality. Singing her into the sleepy world where nothing could hurt." I have been there, I have felt the pain that numbness and sleep is the only defense because reality is sometimes too had to face. The words you use are beautiful.

I love that we are starting to see the protective side of James but it has nothing to do with love. He just wants her to be okay. It is refreshing because the normal portrayal of James is a love sick puppy.

The ending in the compartment with James and Lily was light and sweet. It showed a hint of what might be to come with James and Lily. It showed the hope and Lily's will is strong enough that she will get over her loss eventually. And the last line was lovely. I loved it. Home. It is exactly what Lily needs.

I'll be reading on...


Author's Response: Oh gosh, I've done that too many times! I now write in a pages document and then copy and paste, just in case :P

Meg! You are going to make me all feelsy. Now I just want to hug you. I'm so happy you like my writing ♥ I'm not happy that you've been in the sort of pain that allows you to identify with Lily, but I am really happy that I wrote her feelings realistically. And that's exactly what I wanted to show with James. He didn't magically just turn into a good guy because he liked Lily. He's always been a good guy. He just grew up a little, and the seriousness of this situation brings out that side of him. He's identifying with her as another human being in an unimaginable amount of pain, and he wants to help. See, now I'm all happy at James and I want to hug him :P

Thank you so much for this amazing review ♥ You've turned me into a puddle of mush with all your kind words ♥


 Report Review

Review #19, by ValWitch21 

6th February 2013:
Lily's point of view at the beginning was beautifully heartbreaking, and so introspective -- that barely sounds like a compliment but there is honestly no other word to describe it. I really felt like I was inside her head, and it was an amazing way to see the situation from her side.

Again, I've got to tell you how much I love Olivia. The more I read her, the more I want to read her. She truly is an amazing character, and she reminds me a bit of Hermione, actually, in the way JK writes her as someone caring and devoted but still independent and fierce.

A little bit of fluff at the end of the chapter &hearts

Already, I can tell I'm going to love all of their interaction -- which is hypocritical, considering that I've read the story, but again, I feel like I'm rediscovering it entirely.

Off to read chapter 3!

Author's Response: I'm so, so happy that you felt like you were inside Lily's head during this. It was really important to me not to under-dramatize her situation.

Ahh Olivia is one of my favorite people in this to write. She always just give me that warm feeling... I'm so happy you feel the same way about her ♥

Ahh I love that you feel like you're rediscovering!! And I'm so grateful that you're reviewing ♥ but mainly that you're reading in the first place ♥ thank you Val!!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Sonia Rhodes 

29th January 2013:
Wow, that's a really great story! I love it. It's nice to see some quality ideas in a fanfiction that also doesn't have spelling or grammar mistakes. Nice work!

Author's Response: I am so happy you're liking this, m'dear ♥ I hope you enjoy the rest if you decide to continue! :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by AC_rules 

20th December 2012:
Hey there JChrissy!

Sorry this review took longer than the others to swap it's way back to you. Since the last review I've packed up bags and moved back home for christmas (oh dear) and been back at work and everythings just been really hectic but ack, it's lovely to come back to this story!

I think this chapter, out of all the ones I've read of yours thus far, definitely showed off your talent the best. I'm not sure what it was about it, but I think it was the smoothness and how easy it was to read combined with really latching onto poor Lily's emotions. It's the sort of thing that made me want to stay on the computer and write myself and really put me in a position of wondering how loose and... cut off I'd feel if I was in Lily's position.

And I love the beginning of the Lily/James dynamic that you have here. So often Lily/James relationships are so electric and full of drama there's no room for me to actually believe there's enough time and love there - beyond the drama - for them to get married and have a child at such a young age. I know that a lot of it was probably down to the war, but given how little time they were actually together and how Lily used to 'hate' him, I've always thought it had to something really meaningful to bring them together. Queue James helping Lily after she's just been orphaned.

Really, this was a lovely chapter and it was good to be back. Plus, the next chapter of NJAB is nearly written and I'm going to PM it to you as soon as it's done - probably before Christmas.

Thanks for writing!


Author's Response: Now it's my turn to apologize for taking ages to respond! I'm visiting my family in Idaho and it's been super crazy.. but this review was so awesome to read again because it made me all warm fuzzy ♥

I think Lily and James are such an amazing dynamic, that I feel, like you, something would have really had to happen to show one another who the other actually is. If that makes sense. You have no idea what a big compliment it is that you think this one showed off my talent. I always feel like I'm not adding enough description or too much dialogue or blah, and this review really just made my day ♥ thank you!

 Report Review

Review #22, by Elenia 

10th December 2012:
Yey, holiday swap time!

Ooh, I really liked this chapter! The beginning was so sad, I could really feel what Lily was going through and it made my heart ache /: I think you handled that really well!

Poor Lily though. That must be so horrible to go through! I really liked that she let James comfort her! She is a strong girl, I'm sure she will get through this!

I told you in my last review that I really liked your characterization of James's mother. Now I like her even more. Olivia was so caring and motherly, exactly like I picture her to be. Do we see her more in the future chapter? Please say yes ^^ Oh, and you absolutely have to make this story AU, because she just simply can't die. I won't allow that (;

James ♥ I think you did a very good job with him throughout this whole chapter! You could see the growth in him, but still the mischievous side of him was there.

Oh, and that little mention about Remus, and how he didn't want to reveal his condition to James's mother - that was a nice touch! I've always imagined Remus just like that! It always makes me angry when he reveals his secret too easily. But I'm glad you're avoiding that!

I'll spend this last paragraph muttering jealously about your descriptions and how flawless they were once again. They give this story so much ♥

Lovely work, dear! I'll read more soon ^^


Author's Response: Haha I've wanted to AU this so many times just because I hate the idea of ANY of them dying :(. BUT I will tell you this! She and William both do get to see the birth (well, not see, but are around for it) of their grandson :)! And they are in this quite a bit more! But not directly for sometime. The next chapter you actually see them in is 15. But then we see lots of them over Christmas holiday!

I don't like it either when Remus just blurts it out. Honestly, I'm not even thrilled about the idea of Lily knowing it. I mean she'll obviously figure it out, but it won't be because he just randomly decides to tell her his deepest darkest secrets. Through this I really try and keep their friendship, just the four of them, something special. No shouting their nicknames down the hall or telling everyone that they're the marauders...

You're reviews are so awesome m'dear ♥ Thank you so much for your wonderful attention to Before They Fall and I'm so happy you're enjoying it!

 Report Review

Review #23, by Yoshi_Kitten 

19th November 2012:
Back again! Omg, wow! You are an extremely good Angst writer, I'll tell you that! The way you can convey emotion on a page is fantastic! I almost teared up myself here; you made me feel so bad for her. I am fortunate enough to still have both my parents around, so I can't really say that I know where she's coming from. But Lily's feeling in this are pretty much how I'd picture it to be; absolutely hopeless. The poor dear, I really do hope that things start to get better for her soon tho. :(

James is a rock. I love how strong you have made his character here. The was he supports her and comforts her is so sweet and loving, you can definitely see how much he cares for her. I am excited to see their relation develop more and more as this story goes on. The scene between him and his mom was so sweet. I really do like Mrs. Potter a lot in this, and I am going to miss her character while they are at Hogwarts. James is quite lucky to have such a truly wonderful family. :)

Loved the side-mentioning of Remus there, and I was also very happy to see Peter making an appearance. I always HATE it when marauder stories just cut him out completely. I mean, hello, there were 4 Marauders - NOT 3! Peter's character is so complex. He's a tough one to write, or at least he is to me. We see what he becomes in Cannon, but how he gets that way is basically all a fill-in-the-blank. I mean, he obviously wasn't all bad, if Lily & James trusted him enough to be their secret keeper over Sirius. Even if they were only doing so because Peter seemed like the less-likely choice, that still would've taken quite a bit of faith to make that decision, you know what I mean? So I'm looking forwards to watching him develop in this more, and I hope he will continue to have a role to play all throughout this story now.. Sorry if I'm being too presumptuous by the way, lol! ;)

Grrr. I really wish Sirius would have just told James whatever the big secret was tho. I wanna know more about what happened the night of Lily's parents death. I have a feeling that is was more than just a car crash... What is Sirius hiding? Hope to hear more on this soon also.

The train ride there was also really good. I especially liked the way you described the older compartments. Your attention to all the smaller details there was great, and it really helped me to visualize everything in my head. That Violet girl is a right piece of work tho, isn't she? I mean, like Lily said, there's no way she could have known, but still. Lily was obviously all the way at the back of the train because she wanted some time alone... Braggy people like that have always bothered me tho, lol. I just hope that Lily can adjust to being around people again, especially once everyone starts to hear about what happened to her parents. Cuz you know it can't stay a secret forever - it's Hogwarts, haha! XD

This was another really strong chapter, and the ending was absolutely perfect! That last line instantly reminded me of Harry, and how he always viewed Hogwarts as his home too. So I thot that was a nicely added touch there. Can't wait to read what happens next! =)


Author's Response: Oh goodness this review was so amazing to log in and find ♥ I've been away on an awesome but exhausting trip, so I hope this makes sense :P.

I love how well you take in the characters, and that you think I'm doing them justice so far! I hope you like watching James and Lily grow and develop together, though I have to warn you that it won't be a speedy process, haha.

Heheh Sirius is a sneaky boy, but because others have speculated that it is something romantic I will tell you it's definitely NOT. haha. And you find out exactly what happened in chapter 8 :)!

You have no idea what your amazing reviews mean to me, I can't wait to read more of AiNFiLaW tomorrow when I can see straight after a good night's sleep :P.

 Report Review

Review #24, by MissMdsty 

11th November 2012:
This was an amazing chapter!

The way your described Lily's feelings on her loss is so raw and accurate it brought tears to my eyes. It was the kind of hoplesness I experienced when I lost my father (maybe you didn't need to know that but that's how spot on you were).

I'm also really enjoying the way she is warming up to James, althought judging by Sirius's comment, I think that there's going to be a lot more drama before they finally get it together and get together.

Author's Response: Yay Yay!! You're back!!

I am so happy that Lily's feelings felt accurate, especially coming from someone whose been through that. First of all, I'm sorry you had to go through that :( and second of all, I've never really lost anyone close so I was kind of in uncharted waters with this. My mom had cancer when I was younger, but I never really believed she could die, so I still didn't get close to understanding what it would be like to lose a parent.

Eek Sirius's comments! I can tell you right now, it is in no way a romantic thing between those two :P. You find out exactly what happened in chapter 8!

Thank you again for reviewing. It's made my day!

 Report Review

Review #25, by CherryBoom 

11th November 2012:
Hmm... I was bit disappointed that after the death announcement cliffie in the previous chapter, we didn't get a glimpse of the funeral. Instead you told us about it. But as you probably know by now, showing is much more effective than mere telling. When I compare this chapter to your latest fic (Hazardous) difference with your writing is really noticeable.

You told us many things in this chapter, which makes the chapter quite wordy. It disrupts the flow and let's reader's mind wander off to other things. Also, Lily's grief is understandable but gets somewhat annoying since the whole chapter is basically just about that.

Other thing was that you haven't yet established Lily's and James's relationship status at this point (friends, schoolmates or are they dating yet?), which kind of makes hard to say whether James's actions are appropriate (if they date) or tad overbearing (if they don't).

Sorry to give you some tough love, but I know that you can take it. =)

On a positive note, writing was smooth and there was only a couple of little spelling mistakes.

I really liked Mr. Potter's characterization, especially his booming voice and jovial nature. Mrs. Potter with her interest in muggle baking was very endearing as well. Your descriptions are one of your biggest strengths as a writer, and same could be said about expressing emotions.

I'm still hoping more action for next chapters. =P This wasn't your best effort, but I only say that because I know that you can do so much better.

Author's Response: Hi darling! I'm so sorry you didn't enjoy this chapter more :(. Honestly the funeral just wasn't something I wanted to do. Mainly because I want to get back at Hogwarts, which we do next chapter yay! And if I did write the funeral I would have had to do it my way, which would have involved going into detail about Lily's family to accurately show why years down the road they weren't closer to Harry (uncles, aunts, cousins) and of course how they Potters presence was explained, because as far as Lily's extended family knows she's been at boarding school... and then of course the fact that Lily's grief is overbearing. So if it felt like a lot in this chapter, imagine how intensified it would have to be to do justice to her standing there at her parents grave. And honestly, this one chapter was hard enough for me to get through with her grief, I couldn't have done another entire one :(. Poor Lily :(:( But! I did think about doing it ;). Phew, sorry, I didn't mean to write you a novel about that. But that was basically just what went through my head when I thought about showing the funeral as well as those actual three weeks between her parents being killed and starting school.

I don't think James and Lily even know what they are at this point :P. But next chapter they do go into that a bit! I've edited chapter two *so* many times because I just can't get it write, which I think is how it's gotten so wordy (which it definitely has! Now that I read back through it).

I want to get the next chapter of Hazardous up, hopefully if I can edit it tonight then I can publish it in the morning, then I think I'll go back through and try and rewrite this chapter and see if I can get a little more action in there. But the grief, as annoying as it is, will have to stay just because that's such a huge thing. Losing her parents is the first really, terrible thing that's ever happened to Lily, and it marks the start of her and her friends growing up.

Seriously, I'm such a rambler in this review. Thank you for this review! It poked at me to go back and read through this, and realize that I really do need to do a rewrite!

You are an awesome reviewer! Don't apologize for any harshness! When I look at this chapter, it's almost terrifying how far it is from being up to par with the later ones. And now! I'm going to go back and rewrite this and hopefully make it better!

Thank you so much, m'dear ♥

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review
<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>