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88 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ABlack 

1st April 2017:
I’d love to quote a certain blue fish with short term memory about just knowing this is going to be a good story! It’s a rare feeling.

On a side note, can I just take a moment to say how much I prefer the name you gave James’ father versus what JKR came up with? William is much better than Fleamont.

Anyways, the level of detail in this opening chapter is great. You deftly weave elements in like William and Oliva’s concerned for James as well as Sirius. It feels natural that their affection extends to him. The early acceptance into Auror training as well as it being costly plays off perfectly against Sirius’ pride. It also neatly solidifies the timeframe. That the Potters would have paid for the training only serves to highlight how much they come to love Sirius.

I thought I knew where this was going, but then Lily stepped out and turned any notion I had on its head. That she was so quiet, so turned inward spoke volumes. That’s not the demeanor we’ve come to expect from the spunky Lily Evans. She obviously trying to be strong and holding back tears.

I loved how you only gave her one line, yet those four words have so much impact. What happened? Was it the Death Eaters? Was it just an accident? You leave me wanting – no, needing – to know.

Author's Response: Haha yes this was written before that information came out, though I can't say I'd have been able to name him Fleamont either! I'm so glad you liked this chapter, to be honest the first few in my opinion are the roughest and I feel like it really sort of smooths out around chapter 5. I hope you're enjoying it!! Thanks again!

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Review #2, by Marshal 

1st April 2017:
Ooo a very nice start! I like how you set things up with Sirius and I think that you using the voice of James' mum Olivia was a nice touch too. It is a different perspective than what most people take when writing a Marauder story.

I am curious what is going to happen with the auror training and Sirius but I get the feeling that he is going to have to ask the Potters for help seeing as he mentioned the whole concept of getting courage to speak to them rather than his own parents. (Unless I miss read that.)

Anyway the introduction of Lily and the death of her parents was a nice addition and twist. I didn't have it figured until near the end. I was thinking just before the end how you are going to have to kiss Mr and Mrs Potter as well as Lily's parents and then realized that is what has got Lily.

Still it is a lot for the characters to go through particularly James and Lily both loosing their parents on the cusp of war and while James may not know Lily's parents well it is still a blow particularly knowing that the one you love is hurting from such a loss. Maybe that will be a plot point for James and Lily comforting eachother. Who knows, as I am probably rambling.

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Review #3, by Snuffles 

30th December 2014:
First off, congrats on the award! Only one chapter in and I'm already positive this is going to be one of my all-time favorite Marauder fictions. You just capture the boys and the Potters so well, it's exactly as I always imagined the Potters to be. So loving, caring, opening their home to any who needed it, and, of course, welcoming Sirius as a second son. This line in particular resonated with me:

But all that anxiety had melted away when they’d met Sirius for the first time during Christmas Holiday. From that day on they had tried their hardest to give him all the things his own flesh and blood deprived him of.

Because, first of all, 11 year old Sirius Black just hits me right in the feels. I imagine him as being this spunky lil dude that's so accustomed to pain and abuse and also had this complete upheaval of his beliefs after coming to Hogwarts and he's so proud and strong and doesn't want to let anyone in but he's so little and cute ugh it just makes my heart melt. And the fact that Mrs. Potter just wants to give him as much love as she can, as much love as she gives her own son, she just has always reminded me of Molly Weasley and I think you seem to have angled her that way as well and wow I just love this so far and I'm really excited to read the rest.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your sweet review!! Maybe by the time you finish the story I'll be continuing the sequel!

I'm so happy you're enjoying the story; your review has really brightened my evening! Thanks again for taking the time to leave it, and I hope I'm able to make you fall as in love with these characters as I am by the end if it!!

Jami


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Review #4, by beefcake 

27th December 2014:
how you even get a dobbie for this dobbies are free they have socks its like

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Review #5, by dancingflower 

18th October 2014:
Hello dear,
First, I wanted to congrat you on your award for this story. I think you totally deserve as it is one of my favorite fiction ever (and believe me, I've read a lot).
Then, I wanted to ask you something. I am a French Potterhead and I think you deserve to be read here in France. So I wanted to know if it would be possible for me to translate your story in Frnech and to publish it on a blog (with giving you all the credits of course). Please, let me know if you allow me to do so

Keep going, you're amazing
Marie

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Review #6, by Pretense Of Perfection 

29th May 2014:
Amazing first chapter! I feel so bad for Lily.

The interactions betweens James' parents and the three teenagers is very well written! And creative, I might add. I personally never really thought of them as aurors, but I love the idea.

I did notice a few spelling/grammar errors, but nothing that really detracts from the quality of writing at all.

The imagery you use is magnificent, it made me feel almost like I was sitting there drinking cocoa with all of them (wouldn't that be my wildest dreams come true). Simply stunning.

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Review #7, by TheMaraudersBabe 

28th April 2014:
I really enjoyed this first chapter and though it was a good opening for your story! I know I'm pretty late to the story game for this particular story but I saw that it won the "Most Addicting Story" Award and I simply had to! All I can say so far, is good work! I am sure that you have worked hard on this story because this first chapter was flawless. I'm am looking forward to reading the rest of it! xo

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Review #8, by Akussa 

28th January 2014:
One year ago, almost to the day, we were set for a review exchange in the common house. You held your part of the deal and, well, I kind of lost tr ack of my Internet life due to the arrival of my daughter and getting adjusted to being a mom and then a working mom... All this to say that I feel horrible but I eventually came around and held my part as well, I am, however, very sorry to have made you wait over a year for it...

Onto my review then! What an amazingly powerful opening chapter this is. The descriptions is really nicely done. The scenery came to life and I really felt like I could picture the place and the characters that lived through it.

The characters are so well written; their dialogues are true and heartfelt, nothing seems rigid. I like how you managed to describe them all a little with so few well chosen words. They all have their different personalities and already, it feels like I already know them.

You have really managed to create a sense of dread with this opening chapter. I want to know more about what happened to Lily's parents, how Sirius' situation went and how things are going to develop.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors; it was nicely written and flowed nicely. I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I apologise again about the delay but I got there in the end!

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Review #9, by MissesWeasley123 

3rd August 2013:
Hey Jami!

I finally read it! Yay! I actually just needed an excuse to stop writing my own story.. I'm too lazy for my own good >.< Anyways, on with the review!

I can't believe I didn't start this earlier! I love how you began with "A family of four, to be exact." It's amazing how you make it seem like Sirius is really part of the family :)

I really liked Mr.Potter in this, he was everything I expected James to be like, so like father, like son right? haha :D Olivia Potter was a great motherly figure showed in this as well, she reminded me a lot of Molly Weasley.

I always thought that Lily's parents would pass away due to old age, but I like the twist you gave in this story. Lily's clearly broken, as I can imagine and it was really heartbreaking :( I wanted to go into the screen and just hug her. Too bad James would've beat me to it ;)

All in all, I think it was a fabulous start to the story, and I'll be off reading the next chapters so you'll see me in the review thread often(actual me, not a glitch)

Nadia :)

Author's Response: Hi Nadia!!!

I'm so happy you liked the start of this. I'm not crazy about the first four chapters... but I've done pretty much all I can of editing them while still keeping the same content. I always get nervous when people start reading, haha, because it's not until around chapter 5 that I think I started sort of doing something of my own with this story. Anyway, I'm super relieved that you like what you read so far!!!

Lily's parents' death has a bit more of a story around it. Although, of course their death is their own story, the events of that night aren't quite as honest as they seem to be in this chapter. There one of the first plot lines I started working with, and I'm so excited to see what you think when that full story comes out!!

Aww I like your comparison of Olivia to Molly. I definitely think she'd have that same sweet nature about her. It was hard for me to know what to do with them, because of JKR's comments about how old they were, but I really wanted to get across how much they do love both their boys.

Thank you so much for this reviewing, and for taking the time to read! I hope, if you decide to continue you, you enjoy it!! Seriously don't feel obligated to review every chapter, though!

♥ Jami


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Review #10, by Mary-Lee 

2nd August 2013:
Wow this story has a lot of reviews!
I guess it's an okay start... But for some reason I never really imagined James like that. and I thought Sirius should be cooler. He kind of seemed... Idk, not like Jo's sirius.
I dont like Lily.. but maybe she'll be better later on? I don't know. i guess i'll have to see!

Author's Response: Hi there :)! There really isn't much I can say, except that I hope you end up liking it! If you want to mention what's bother you about James and the group, I'd love to know, or if it's just that 'not crazy about' feeling, that's totally understandable! Anyway, I'm sorry this first chapter wasn't what you expected!

Jami


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Review #11, by Debra20 

29th July 2013:
JAMI! I am here. There was no way I could keep away from this story for much longer :D

First of all let me tell you that you nailed the beginning. The description of the Potters's home, everything from the way the wind rustles through the leaves, the secluded home set apart from the others created an amazing eerie feeling. I think that set the mood perfectly for the rest of the chapter. Going in full circle, the chapter is opened by the description of James's home, which is away from the others (I think this is a brilliant motif to show that their family is condemned to never fit) and it ends with Lily confessing her parents have been killed. I think the way you set this chapter with it's specific beginning and ending is a stroke of brilliance!

I am very feelsy right now, seeing how much time and effort you put into highlighting the appreciation the Potters have for Sirius. Every time I think about this in the books (they taking him in their home) I am blown away. This is the biggest gesture of love someone can do, especially if you're taking in someone that has a family with not such a great reputation. They knew perfectly well that they risked being shunned, avoided because they were taking care of a son of Black, and yet they didn't care. This speaks volumes of their humanity and their love for their son, because I bet that first and foremost, they did it for James, so that he could be happy.

I can't wait to read more! :D

Author's Response: Roxi!!! I'm so excited to see you!!

I don't usually do much heavy description, but setting scenes is when I get carried away a bit ;). I'm so excited you liked it at the start of this. I had a lot of fun sort of writing from the outside in.

I absolutely agree with you about the Potters taking Sirius in and what a big deal it is. That's one of the main reason I protest so much to the idea of him using girls left and right and not caring, because Sirius has seen first hand what it's like to not be cared about and discarded, and then what it's like to be welcomed into someone's life. I'm sure he flirted plenty, but the idea of him just walking out of girls rooms all hours of the night and not batting an eye when he break their heart has never sat well with me. Look at the love he was shown by the Potters. He's not going to disgrace them by treating other humans like toys. Sorry, got into a bit of a rant there, hahahaha!

I'm so, so, so excited you liked this first chapter ♥ I always get so nervous when someone new starts reading. If feel like I'm getting ready for the first day of school with all the, 'oh will my teacher like me will everyone like me?' feelings, haha!

Okay, I'm making no sense, but thank you so much for this amazing review ♥ reading and responding to it has put a huge smile on my face!


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Review #12, by AlexFan 

17th July 2013:
I haven't read this for so long but it's nice to get back to it. This seems a lot more interesting now than the first time that I read it and I find myself enjoying the story even more than the first time.

It's unusual to see a James/Lily story that starts off so sadly, usually the stories start off at Hogwarts and they're really very happy and pretty much ignore the war and the deaths. The sad beginning to the story does it make it interesting though and the end leaves you wanting to know how they died and everything else.

I like how you remained some of the joking Sirius that we all know even though it's a serious situation.

I loved your description, it all flower so nicely and there was enough to provide a picture in your head so that you could at least imagine what everything looked like.

I'm really enjoying re-reading this!

Author's Response: Hi there :)! This chapter has undergone some pretty serious edits. I try and get the newer smoothed out as my writing improves, so it might have gotten a bit cleaner since your last read!

I'm really excited you liked the descriptions and the more darker tone this starts one! In regards to the descriptions, I really try and find a good balance between giving the reader a clear picture, but without drowning them in it. If you ever notice me doing the latter, please don't hesitate to point it out!

I'm so happy you enjoyed being back at this chapter, and I'm so grateful you stopped to leave a review ♥ thank you so much!

♥ Jami


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Review #13, by BluebirdBrigade 

17th July 2013:
Well, to say I am intrigued is an understatement! I absolutely adore the way you write, Jami, you seem to have such a knack at making the reader get more and more interested as the story progresses. I was already wanting to find out why Sirius might be in trouble because we all know his mother is a bit of a...hot headed person - which is probably the nicest thing anyone can say about her ;) You have such a beautiful flow and I loved the descriptions that you incorporated into the part where Olivia felt guilty and sad...Mr and Mrs Potter seem like the most amazing parents ever!

Oh my god, and then Lily came and I thought that James would be all over her ad in a way he kind of was but held back. You've definitely made these characters your own and I absolutely love it. Oh no, poor Lily...they're dead? Has something happened magic wise or was this a muggle accident? I can't remember if how they died is ever mentioned...I wonder what Petunia is doing. Well, you certainly have made me ramble but great start to a first chapter - I love it! Onto the next one :P

Author's Response: I'm finally reviewing to your amazing, amazing spree of reviews! I LOVE YOU!

Aww your comments on my writing style really, really made my week. I definitely want to be able to craft a story that people just enjoy reading and don't have to struggle to get through, so I'm super excited that it managed to suck you in as it went along!

Yes, I definitely tried to take the Lily and James I have in my head for this. Showing the people they grew into the way they changed is a huge deal for me, so I'm really excited you like them so far ♥

I'm on to your next amazing review! THANK YOU!


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Review #14, by Erised 

26th June 2013:
Hi Jami! I'm here for the June Review Exchange as you well know ;)

Having heard many good things about this fic from others I was excited to be paired up with you for this story! I was disappointed either. This first chapter definitely packs a punch with the way you've set up the intrigue and the stunning revelation at the end too. In terms of interest it completely manages to hook the reader in and want them to read on.

I really liked the descriptive aspects of the chapter and how well you set up the story and setting of the Potters' house. The characters were also very good and very true to their established personalities which is always great to read. Olivia's worry over Sirius was particularly endearing and lovely to read as it sets her up really nicely as a mother figure and how well Sirius is treated at the Potters' in comparison to at his former home.

The only criticism I really have is that I think Olivia and William were described as a little too old as to how old they would actually be. I reckon they'd be a maximum of 50 so they perhaps wouldn't be so old and creaky! Also the word 'mate' was a little overused, eg: 'both she and William had been thrilled that their son was meeting mates so easily' would be better with 'friends' as it's quite a modern colloquialism.

On the whole this was a lovely start to what I'm sure is going to be a fantastic story! :)

Author's Response: Hi my dear! I was being totally selfish when I paired us together, because I saw Progress on your page and did the 'must read' feeling, haha!

Ugh it makes me nervous that you've heard good things. Because it might not live up to your expectations, haha!

First chapters are so important to me when I'm reading. I'm that person that has to be hooked right away or I don't continue, so I was hoping to get it started with a bang. hehe.

The Potters give me so many warm fuzzies to write. I'm so excited you liked them in this first chapter! I get them in here as often as possible, haha!

Ugh, I know what you mean about Olivia and Williams age. That one is all JKR :(. She said that they died of an old age disease, possible dragon pox, before Lily and James were killed. And that they had James late in life, even by wizard standards. With the usual wizard living to a hundred, sometime past, I decided to put Olivia and William in their 80s. By JKR's statement, they'd probably actually be older, but I couldn't go past that :P. I'm chalking life as Aurors up to their future health problem! Though 50s is what I picture them as, because it seems like wizards and witches tend to stay younger looking.

Ahh thank you for pointing that out! Mate and bloody are two that I still struggle to get right!!

Thank you for this awesome review, m'dear! I'll see you at the next chapter of Progress :D!


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Review #15, by LilyEPotter 

23rd June 2013:
Hi! Here from the June Review Exchange!

I'm not quite certain what I could add... Your spelling and grammar are great, the chapter's flow was wonderful and there were no awkward sentences. :)

I like how you've portrayed James' parents, how they've taken Sirius in and are treating him as a son as well as showing their willingness to give their sons whatever they want.

I will admit that your view of how James and Lily started their progression to falling in love is much better than mine. :)

I had thought it had happened similar to how Harry, Ron and Hermione became friends (though hopefully without a mountain troll). :)

And introducing another facet as to why there was a sibling rivalry on Petunia's part with Lily. Another reason why after their parents' deaths that they saw very little of each other. :(

This is a very good chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more of this story!

Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Yay for review exchange!

I'm so happy you enjoyed this first chapter! I had a ton of difficulty getting pairings to work this month, so I hope you don't mind that I paired you with me. And don't feel obligated to Read/review more than just this chapter! I'm looking forward to checking our your story, though!

Thank you for the lovely review, and I'm so excited that you liked the characterizations so far!!

♥ Jami


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Review #16, by FleurDelacourAndEverybodyElse 

20th June 2013:
Ah! I found you on TDA, requesting those amazing graphics from heartfelt. :D She's quite talented, isn't she? Anyway, I absolutely ADORE your story - it's written so professionally, my mouth dropped to the ground after reading this chapter. And it's a wonderful cliffhanger, too! :D

Author's Response: Wow! This was such a cool surprise! Yes, Ess is insanely talented. I'm so lucky to have her as part of this story. Getting to request images are half the fun of adding a new chapter!

Aww! I'm so happy you like the story so far! I'm still a bit iffy about these first few chapters, because they are rougher than the new ones, but the fact that it didn't show makes me so happy!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a review. Are you an artist over at TDA as well? I'm going to have to gallery stalk you, if you are!

Thank you again!! You've made my day! If you decide to continue, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

Jami


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Review #17, by Morgana Tales 

29th May 2013:
Oh no. Oh dear. Bellatrix doesn't want revenge on Lily and James. She wants revenge on Belle. She told Belle at the first defy that she would suffer the most painful death. D: I am sort of afraid you won't recognize me anymore since I got an account. Well, my old pen name was Ginny Weasley. And another thing. I need some advice. I started making a story on here, and I posted the first chapter. If you want to know, it is called Morgana Merlstien and Her Rubbish Life. If you want to read it and even review it that would be great. It would just touch my heart to know my favorite fanfic writer considered to read my story. Well, what I want advice on is a banner. I would love a banner for my story. That is actually how I found this story. The prettiest banner I would find, I would read the story. Do you know any fantastic artists you could link me to? It would be highly appreciated. My longest review yet! Let's hand out the FireWhiskey! Just kidding. I love your story so much, I will stick with you UNTIL THE END. Another refrence for you. With all the love I can spare for you lovely person, Morgan. (Yes I know this is on the wrong chapter)

Author's Response: Hi Morgan!! I'm so happy you made an account!! I would love to review your new story. It doesn't look like the first chapter has been validated but I'll check back soon :)!

Also, the banner deal is pretty complicated to explain through here. My best suggestion is for you to make a forums account. Those take about a day to get validated, but they're such an awesome place to hang out and get help! You can also request reviews and join a house and lots of fun stuff. Anyway if you do decide to make an account I'm Jchrissy over there as well and a Prefect, so i'd be happy to talk you through it over personal messages :)!

Thank you again for always being such an amazingly loyal reader and I'm so excited you have your own account!! ♥

Jami


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Review #18, by FallenTruths 

26th May 2013:
Hey Jami!

I finally have time to read this story! I must say it's a bit daunting having 31 chapters to get through to catch up, but I'm going to give it a go and try to power through them. I love how you start off the story with a bit of a mystery as to what house in Cokeworth the readers would be hearing about and why it's so special. Olivia and William seem so kind and sweet! I just love how you've characterized them here, especially how they show so much love for both James and Sirius. It's also adorable that Olivia and William are worried about Sirius trying to become an auror due to how dangerous it is. Mentioning the Potters' doubts towards Sirius due to his family name is also a good addition because it shows even the best people can have a little bit of early judgment towards someone.

I wasn't expecting Sirius to show up with Lily on his bike so that was an interesting twist. I can't believe her poor parents died! I expect we'll be seeing plenty of tragedy over the course of the novel though. Overall this was a wonderful start to your story! I felt like I got to know Olivia and William and their relationship with James and Sirius fairly well. I'm also excited to see more of how James and Lily interact. Though the death of Lily's parents is a very sad way to end the chapter it is also a great cliffhanger to leave us on. Your writing in this chapter was amazing as always so I won't even bother to waste time rambling on and on about it. :P I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happened to Lily's parents!

Alli

Author's Response: Alli ♥!!! You're a crazy girl for setting into a 31 chapter story. But I'm not complaining :P!

I've always had a super strong head canon for James's parents. We know he was rather spoiled and over confident, but he ended up being a man that gave his life for the war when he could have turned a blind eye and ran for the hills. So that's always led me to the idea that James's parents did definitely spoil him, but that he realized when he started getting older how lucky he was. We learn so much by example, so watching the kind of people his parents are makes me think he'd grew into that sort of person as well. Ermmm. sorry for that ramble. Moving on.

I figured if I wanted to get anyone reading *another* Marauders story I'd have to end it big :P. I'm so happy you liked the cliff hanger. I'm always nervous when I leave them... trying to figure out if they were too much or not enough or blah. haha

Thank you for your awesome comments on this first chapter. I don't think I'll ever be absolutely happy with it since it's such an important one, but knowing you liked it has put a huge smile on my face!

♥ Jami


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Review #19, by nott theodore 

5th May 2013:
So I told myself that I wasn't going to start reading any novels because I get so absorbed in them and I try and review every chapter I read, but I've been wanting to read Before They Fall for ages now and I couldn't resist any longer! The reviews I leave for this might be a bit spaced out because of my exams, but they will happen!

After that pointless ramble, I'll move on to the actual chapter. I kind of love this already. I know it's only the first chapter, but still. I knew from The Steps to Insanity that you're a great writer, but after this first chapter I'm just so excited to carry on reading the rest of the story!

The descriptions at the beginning are beautiful. The way you get an overall view of the scene and then zoom in is really lovely, and I can see the picture you paint very clearly.

For the first chapter, I feel like I have a good idea what your characters are like as well. Obviously there's a lot more to read and learn about them, but I feel like I know them to some extent already and, even better (for me, anyway) your characterisation fits with what we know about them from canon.

The relationship you portray between James and his parents especially fits in with the idea that he was well cared for and loved by his family. I like the idea of Sirius being a proper part of the family, because I've always thought that the Potters would have been happy to look after him and think of him as a second son.

I loved the way that you made think all along that Sirius was the one in trouble and that something bad had happened to him, when in fact it was Lily who had just lost her parents. I'm kind of looking forward to learning out about what happened to her parents, actually (that sounds quite morbid, but I don't mean it that way!).

Lily's reaction - not being able to speak properly or move - is perfect. Since we already know that she was close to her parents, it's going to be exceptionally hard for her, and as I think she must have witnessed whatever happened to her parents as well, it's little wonder that she's so consumed by grief.

Another thing I'm happy about was the "brief bouts of friendship" that you mentioned - I don't think this story is going to be one of those which goes from Lily hating James to loving him suddenly. He obviously must have changed and grown up for him to learn to love her, and that must have been a long process rather than an instant transformation.

I'm so excited to read on, and I'm looking forward to the next 27 chapters I have to read before I catch up!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian! That's a really cool spelling of 'Shaun/Shaw/Sean.' I love it! I'm always jealous of people with original names, haha.

I can't tell you how much it means to me that you've been wanting to read it for a while! I hope it doesn't disappoint! Chapter five is when I think the story really starts getting a bit more original (as original as a Marauder's era fic can get, at least), so if you make it that far I'm excited to see what you think!

Your thoughts on Lily and the possibility that she must've witnessed it is very, very close ;). There's a lot more to their death, or at least the circumstances surrounding it, than meets the eye. The full story behind it is in chapter 8, so it will still be a bit before you know everything ;).

I can't stand the hate to love transformation, or I guess how a lot of authors make it seem so sudden. I think James was a brat, which a lot of only children of wealthy families are. He grew up, again like most bratty teenagers do. Lily stopped seeing things through Severus's perspective and made her own opinion, and in my head canon James and her sort of just let the past start dying in 6th year. I think they probably went through phases, but that Lily was always close with Remus and Peter, and had a soft spot for Sirius once she learned a bit more about his home life.

Umm. Sorry. I don't know how that turned into such a ramble, HAHA!

Thank you so much for this amazing and unexpected review. I really hope that you enjoy this and it lives up to your expectations ♥

And just to let you know, if you do want to continue, I will not have hurt feelings or anything if you just read through without reviewing every chapter. I hate the idea of someone thinking they have to review every chapter to read it, because I know how much I enjoy just breezing through and reviewing the newest chapter.

Thank you again so much for stopping Sian ♥

Jami (see, I told you my name was unoriginal).


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Review #20, by Flavia 

3rd April 2013:
Ok, so I've heard some great things about this story and I'm finally getting around to reading it, but it might take a little time, but I couldn't resist after looking at your beautiful siggy on the forums all the time!

You write really well, your descriptive writing is just beautiful, it's easy to see the people and places in my mind. I also really liked the way you opened with a description, like a really detailed description because by the time we got to any dialogue/action I was like "What's going on! I have to know!". :)

Sometimes I felt like the language was a little too formal, or stilted...hmmm not sure if either of those words are right for what I'm trying to convey, and it wasn't amjor thing, it's just that sometimes it was a little too well written...ok I'm not making any sense, am I? Sorry about that :(

I also thought that you made a really good choice about where to start the story, and the comment that James and Lily were occasionally friends was good too...It also seems as though you're going to go beyond that 'I hate you now I love you' thing you get in a lot of James/Lily fics, and I am very happy about that.

Overall, I really liked this chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story. I'm not really a marauders fan either, but I think I'll enjoy this :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for stopping by! And that signature is amazing, isn't it? It was made by the same TDA artist that made the Before They Fall banner and all but one chapter image! I love her.

I love sort of panning out before starting a scene, and I'm really happy it worked well for you here ♥

Okay I've gone through and tried to fix what I think you were talking about. I've been needing to give this a sprucing up lately, and you're review pushed me to do so, thank you ♥ I think the problem was that it kind of jumped... not enough to make it feel like it was jumping, but some of the transitions felt too complicated. I hope that's what you were getting too, because I've reworked some things and I think fixed the issues you were talking about that made it seem... stiff. Hopefully! Thank you again for pointing that out!

I can not rant enough about the 'I hate you I love you' stuff. Obviously there will be some arguments in this, but those really stem from Lily just having a hard time dealing with death of her parents. And not 'James you're a __' kind of arguments :P.

Thank you so much for stopping but and leaving such a lovely review ♥ I hope I've fixed the issue you pointed out!

♥ Jami


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Review #21, by Pooja 

3rd April 2013:
Ohkayyy..let me just start by saying..I love the start of your story!!! :D It's pretty engaging..the imagery and your description..AMAZINGG :)

I love the way you have included Sirius as a part of the Potter family.I have always imagined it to be that way.William and Olivia adore him like their own son

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a review! I'm so happy you enjoyed this first chapter, and really appreciate you taking the time to tell me that!

♥ Jami


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Review #22, by ginnypotter 

3rd April 2013:
I just started reading this story and I would say I absolutely love the way you have potrayed the characters and their emotions :) Great going!

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you like the portrayal of the characters! I really love getting to explore them all.

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review ♥

Jami


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Review #23, by True Author 

31st March 2013:
Hi!
Loved the descriptions of the Potters house. I liked the mention of the letterbox that never recieved any letter, ;) It was a clever idea to highlight that they're different from the others. I totally can imaging an elegant house and a happy family of three (oops four) by your descriptions.

Sirius Black... I've always thought he's very hard to write I don't know why! I've tried to write him several times, but I just couldn't do it. Anyway, your Sirius was perfectly characterized. He'd never ask for money to Mr and Mrs Potter, I agree.

Poor Lily! Thank goodness Sirius stopped by her house! :( What would've happened? I'm curious what happened to her parents and where is Petunia.
On the next chapter!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi Ashwini! Is that you're real name? How is it pronounced? Sorry, it's just so original and now I keep saying it out loud a million different ways, haha!


I'm so happy you think Sirius is perfectly characterized! I could just kiss you! There may be a bit more to Sirius's involvement than he's letting on... gotta keep your eye on that trouble maker ;).

Thank you so much for stopping by!
Jami ♥


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Review #24, by TheHouseElf 

20th March 2013:
Hey Jami! Here with the first of many, many, many reviews :P I've been meaning to read 'Before They Fall' for ages, so now's the prime opportunity to start, right?

I loved the beginning, it's just so ominous and sets the tone for the rest of the chapter. Your descriptions are beautiful, the wording is perfect and I can just see Cokeworth before my eyes.

I love the worry that James has for Sirius, it just clearly shows their friendship when he's wringing his hands and pleading with his parents, I just love it. I also loved Mrs Potter's worry too- Sirius is as much a part of the Potter family as James, a notion that we get from canon and from you :D

As sad as the event was, I loved how you set up the death of Lily's parents. Lily's reactions are genuine, she barely speaks and she's distraught, how you'd expect a 17 year old girl to act after the death of her mum and dad. I can't wait to read on and see how they died- that just sounded really morbid and cold :P I didn't mean it like that!

Just a little picky notes- you used the word 'cognizant' whereas in Britain its spelt 'cognisant', you rarely ever use the letter 'z' in words if you're British ;) Also, we don't have 'blocks' either, we have plenty of winding and crooked roads over here so we can't :P You can just say streets as a replacement.

Also, I don't think, correct me if I'm wrong, that Cokeworth is near London, where the Black house is. I was just wondering how Sirius knew where Lily's house was? That's just something that I picked up on, nothing too major :D

I'm going to read on dear- I do have 23 chapters to catch up on :P Great job!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for stopping by!!

I'm really happy you're enjoying this so far. These first three chapters aren't my favorites in compared to the newer ones, and my writing has gotten much smoother (yes, I'm trying to convince you to continue :P). Oh my gosh, you think that's morbid - about 8 chapters from now we find out the full story to the Evans death and I LOVED WRITING it. We're clearly just two morbid peas in a pod :P.

I'll warn you, I don't often change the spelling to British :(. I hope that doesn't bother you. I do try and watch my word choice carefully, and there are some areas where a word will be spelled the British way from when I had a beta who was Australian, but I don't ever do it. It's too hard for me. Blame my English teachers :P!

So... I can't exactly tell you how Sirius knew where Lily's house was. Don't worry, there's nothing romantic hidden between them, but there is a secret in there. Also, I set this up in my head so the Potter's house is near Lily's in Cokeworth, so they live close to one another. There's no canon evidence of that, it was to suit something else in the works. Hehe. I feel so mysterious right now.

Thank you for pointing that out about the blocks! I had no idea! I'll reword that to make it street instead :)!

Thank you so much for your awesome review! If you do decide to continue, I hope you like it ♥ Also, I don't expect anyone to review 23 straight chapters. If you do want to continue, please don't feel obligated to review them all. Haha. ♥.



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Review #25, by Sam 

2nd March 2013:
This is absolute perfection! I am so in love with it!

Author's Response: Aw I'm so happy you like the first chapter! Thank you so much for reviewing!

♥ Jami


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