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25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 

10th October 2015:
Hiya Dan,

You weren't kidding. Stuff is definitely happening here. And while this chapter didn't have any major action scenes, there was so much going on that this review is going to be pretty long. I'm actually concerned that I'll be restricted by the character limit.

I know I've said it before, but I sincerely appreciate the fact that you've clearly made these characters much more polished than their teenage selves. And you also don't gloss over the fact that age has a definite toll on people (I've read stories where it's mentioned in the firs paragraph that someone is in their sixties and then they go on to act like a twenty year old for the rest of the story). And it's the little details that make a good story a great story.

So I quite enjoyed reading the first section in the train station. Harry is still Harry - he's quick on his feet with the spells and never fails to impress us with his magic. Also, you've painted a picture of a great team with Harry and Esme - they work well together and it's almost as if they can anticipate each other's actions.

Then they get on the train and it's just so awkward, I was cringing.

Ďarry, do you intend to spend our entire trip making painful small talk, or shall we discuss what is obviously on both of our minds?

I'm beginning to like this chick. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

ďI know it probably seemed like I couldnít forget about those days fast enough, but it really helped me figure out a lot of things. Made me realize what was really important, what I really cared about.Ē

Harry, Harry, Harry. How is it he tries so darn hard but the exact WRONG thing comes out of his mouth so often? I feel bad for him - a little bit, but I'm sorta on Esme's side at this point. It seriously seems like he was using her.

And then he tells his story - and I even know the story, but I'm still caught off guard that after all these years, there's still a part of him that feels the loss and insecurity. Harry is still Harry.

Haha - I love your creativity. George was awesome and I can just see those goofy ministerial baffoons floating in their princess dresses out over the street. On the other hand, I'm sure my daughter would have LOVED that kind of party when she was younger :)

The poorly cast monitoring spells, the obvious tails on the Weasleys, and all of the rest of it is making me nervous. Lady Tenabra is MUCH too deliberate and cunning to be so sloppy. Either she's putting a lot of faith in some completely inept followers (possible), or this is on purpose to use as a distraction while some other stuff is going down.

Either way, I'm very nervous that she's going to get some information out of Percy. He's just not as careful as the rest of them - and he's a bit gullible as well.

This is the first story I've read that has a scene at Beauxbatons and I LOVED your description of the school. It was perfect and seemed so fitting based on what we know in the books - and what I know from visiting France.

It seems like in each chapter you're able to take what we know from canon about magic and make it grow and expand in ways I never even dreamed of. The idea of expanding upon a hint of a memory from when you were very young and being able to see it in a pensieve is nothing short of brilliant. And you got me TWICE in the gut this chapter with the Harry feels - first in the beginning section where he recounts his childhood to Esme and then here, where he gets to revisit a memory in a way he never thought he would. It totally reminded me of the scene where Hagrid gave him the album of his parents. You definitely captured that moment so well! The crew seemed so innocent and young and alive it was beautiful and painful and heartwarming all at once.

I also love the concept of becoming a legilimens to make up for hearing loss - that makes SO much sense!

And I may be missing something, but I'm not exactly certain why Esme is angry about visiting Katerina's father - does she not like the word "squib" either, or is she upset that she has a possible barrier to getting the information she needs?

I think I caught a few typos. I'm not exactly sure if this first one is a typo or not, but it felt like a word was missing at the end.

That realization drove home another, equally painful.

On my first read through, it just sounded off to me, and then when I went back through and read it a few more times, I could see what you were trying to say - but perhaps the word "stab" or "wave" would make it sound more polished? I can see that you're referring to another "bludger" that was mentioned earlier, but because the bludgers were described at the beginning of the the paragraph preceding this sentence, it felt like something was missing here.

And these last three, I think are also typos...

Test score do not tell the whole story, Miss Osinalde,

-scores

Professor Turgeon, I understand that you have an duty of confidentiality to your students,

-should be "a duty" instead of "an duty"

With a final smile, she turned away and began to hobble towards her office. Harry watched her for a few moments, the followed Esme out the door.

-I think it should be "then followed"

I loved this chapter because I feel a little more connected to Harry and I feel like he's moving along toward solving the mystery. I can't wait to see what's next!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi, Beth! Sorry I've taken a while to get to this. I wanted to take the time to patch up the typos before I responded to it.

Guess what? You're more than halfway done! I'm not sure how that makes you feel, but I'm excited. The pace really picks up from here to the end. Lots of happenings and (hopefully, if I've done my job right) the plot threads start to pull together.

Aging the characters realistically in this story was definitely the hardest part of writing it. I tried hard to find the essential things that made the characters who they were -- like George's sense of humor mixed with just a touch of vanity -- and preserve those things while letting the rest of the character age.

Harry and Esme do make a good team, at least when things aren't awkward.

Yeah, most of the time on the train was awkward. Harry still has a very limited understanding of the opposite sex and Esme has a lot of unanswered questions. Predictably, Harry's attempts to answer them don't go so well. He's trying to explain things in the way that makes sense to him, which doesn't play well for her at all.

Wow. I really, really appreciate the compliment about Harry's story. I don't know that there's a better reaction to get from a reader than to have them say, "I already knew what was going to happen, but it still affected me anyway."

Ah, George. I did not get to give him as much "screen time" as I would have liked in this story. In fact, I didn't get to give most of the characters as much as I thought they deserved. But he finds a ways to make the most of his moments.

Lady Tenabra definitely has inept followers, but she doesn't have faith in anyone other than herself. As you'll see, there's a reason why she doesn't mind relying on so many incompetent people. It all ties into her endgame.

I spent some time brainstorming with my beta reader about what Beauxbatons would look like and we both decided that the architecture and atmosphere should definitely be Renaissance-inspired.

To he honest, I decided on giving Harry his early childhood memory first and then I sort of backed into how the magic would have to work. This chapter is heavy on feels for Harry, and I thought it also helped to reinforce some things about him for Esme. I agree, it was also pretty neat. ;)

Esme is upset at the way Katerina's father treats her non-magical sister and as you'll see, there's no love lost between him and the French Aurors. It's not that he's prejudiced against his non-magical daughter the way that the Blacks or Malfoys might be, rather he shelters her from the world. It will be more clear in the next chapter. And I imagined that outside of Britain with its pureblood supremacist tradition, the world "squib" would be viewed almost like a racial epithet.

Thank you so much for picking out all the typos. Like I said, it amazes me how many have survived the years.

Thanks so much for all of the feedback and support! Can't wait to see what you think of the next few...

-Dan


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Review #2, by GingeredTea 

14th April 2015:
This is my presumptuous review swap review. I know my last one was way belated, so I wanted to extend mine first, this time. :) Also, I wanted to write presumptuous in a review. ;-)

I think it is a more mature version of Harry that notices the issues Esme is having and is strong enough to try to fix them. Also, his devious plan kind of speaks toward more mind control, yes? And yet, Esme is so much more willing to be blunt. Then again, she got the short end of the stick (not Harry, not a family, etc. etc.) so perhaps she naturally would feel more like the person who could point it out. Regardless, I thought you did a wonderful job with that whole scene. You made the argument really realistic, which is hard to do.

You're whole George scene made me laugh. He always did have a unique way of dealing with things! Percy, Percy, Percy!! So they're all sharing whatever information they have, but it's really not enough. I see Molly is back to her old broken record. Lot of good it did her last time. I doubt it will do her much good this time, either.

I loved the idea that if a wizard were to grow hard of hearing they could just resort to reading minds. LOL

Oh, the baby Harry memory had me crying. I think it is probably the nicest part of your whole story. You did a wonderful job describing its framework as Harry could remember it himself and then tying those pieces together as you let us see the whole thing. Perfect.

I really loved this chapter - as always. :)

Author's Response: I welcome your presumptions. :) Always a pleasure to swap with you.

Harry and Esme are starting to get along rather well by this point. There are obviously still some sore subjects in their relationship, but Harry is doing his best to address them. I'm relieved that you thought the argument went well. That section went through a lot of revisions. ;)

I really enjoyed writing George in this story. I didn't get to include him nearly often enough for my tastes. He's a fun character.

Professor Turgeon was another character that I wish I could have found more uses for. She's very powerful and very interesting. It's so hard to do all of your characters justice without stories becoming a million words long...

The baby Harry scene definitely left me a little misty-eyed. Part of me always feels bad for all of the things I put Harry through in this story. He deserved so much better. So it was always rewarding to write the happy moments.

I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! Thanks for the swap!


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Review #3, by Mariano_Pingitore 

5th October 2014:
It's been some time since you finished this story, so I was thinking of leaving an extensive review of the whole tale once I finished with the last chapter. However, I am enjoying it greatly so I wanted to emphasize just that. I'm curious as to where the story is going with Esme, and practically sure that Percy's being manipulated by Arabela. Congratulations again on a well written, addictive story!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

It has been quite a while, but I still really enjoy finding out what readers think about it. I'm really pleased that you're enjoying it and finding it addictive. I hope you'll let me know what other reactions you have along the way.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by Ginerva Weasley 

15th September 2014:
This story remains excellent. It is sad and frightening at times, mainly because you are willing to write about difficult issues, but is also extremely beautiful. Reading it feels a lot like reading the eight installment in the wonderful Harry Potter series. Thank you for this wonderful contribution to Harry Potter fan-fiction!

Author's Response: Hi!

I really appreciate the compliments. And that last one is a high compliment, indeed.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by Pete W 

11th December 2013:
This is my second time reading this story. I said before it is the best. This chapter has in it some pain for Harry and since this story is head canon for me, the events that happen to my all time favorite characters of any franchise, are quite touching and at times heart wrenching(what happens to Rose). I have recommended this story to at least 8 other people and I'm hoping they'll take a chance on it cause it's worth it. It's funny that a couple of weeks after I posted my original review of this story we got Fantastic Beasts. I knew we would get more. :)

Author's Response: Hi, there!

First off, I feel very honored that you wanted to read the story more than once. I'm not sure I can explain what a great feeling that is. Amazing.

I'm really pleased that you've enjoyed it so much. As far as the coincidental timing with Fantastic Beasts... well, I can't really take credit for that. ;)

Thank you so much for leaving reviews and even more for recommending the story to others. It means more than I can say.


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Review #6, by peggy77 

25th November 2013:
I really enjoyed George's trick and actually laughed out loud. :D

I am not sure I trust Percy being part of the new Order. Not because of past deeds but because I think that the lady (I can't remember her name) he's having lunch with is getting information from him and then confounding him. I still think she is really Lady Tenabra in disguise. I'm hoping I'm wrong though.

I really liked Harry's explanation of his behavior in the past. It seemed totally believable to me, and it was before he was officially engaged to Ginny.

I loved that he was given the memory of his first birthday...it was a very touching scene.

Author's Response: I had so much fun writing George's section of this chapter. It felt awesome to have him be distinctly George for a while, in spite of all the drama and difficulty.

Your suspicions of Percy and his lady friend are not entirely unfounded. Is she or isn't she? Soon...

I really liked the idea of there being parts of Harry's past that he's not proud of. I think authors -- well, authors on this site, anyway. There are other sites that specialize in the "damaged Harry" genre -- tend to underestimate the impact that everything Harry lived through in his first 18 years would have had on him. I'm sure he struggled a lot to figure out things like relationships and affection. Then to have someone like Esme interested in him, I'm sure it must have been difficult for him to understand and react appropriately.

The memory of his first birthday was hands-down my favorite part of this chapter and actually one of my favorites in the entire story. So many strong emotions...

Just like that, you're over halfway there! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and reactions!


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Review #7, by APerkins 

23rd October 2013:
Lol such great constructions. Manholes, passwords secret hide outs,legilimens cochlear implants, and the instant fairies! I love it!

Author's Response: It's George! How could I not have a lot of fun with that?

Thanks!


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Review #8, by Courtney Dark 

4th August 2013:
This chapter was absolutely and utterly amazing! I'm very tempted to say that it was my favourite so far, because there were so many things I loved about it!

First of all, the memory. Though it wasn't exactly canon, I loved every bit of it, and I was so happy that you managed to incorporate it in this chapter. I can't even imagine how much seeing that memory would have meant to Harry - and I'm really glad that Esme assisted him in procuring it. I felt so sad while I was reading it, though, because almost every person in that memory died before they turned 40. Sob!

George! I was so excited to see a section from his point of view, as the Weasley twins are quite possible my favourite characters. Well, they're up there with all the rest of my favourite characters, anyway. I loved George's entrance, how he was playing that cat and mouse game with his two slightly moronic tails. And oh my god, I loved out loud when they suddenly sprouted wings and frilly pink ball gowns - genius!

Ooh, Esme and Harry have a name to go on now! I am very intrigued and can't wait to see what happens next!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi, Courtney!

I definitely took a liberty or two with canon for Harry's memory, but it felt too good not to do it. I do so many terrible things to him in this story. I just felt like he deserved a moment of pure, overwhelming joy. It is very sad, though, to know that Harry was the only survivor among the group.

I absolutely loved writing George, from start to finish. The scene was so much fun. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.

Harry and Esme are definitely making progress. The first solid lead they've really had.

Thanks so much for reading and leaving such awesome reviews!


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Review #9, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

7th February 2013:
Oh! The memory! Aw! That was just so sweet and sad and little Harry is just adorable and aww. Just seeing them all together brought a few tears to my own eyes, it's just unfair what happened to them. To lose all of the Maruaders and Lily. So sad, but the memory was so lovely, more so because it was one, simple, happy, little memory. But Harry will be able to keep it forever. I just love that part.

They finally have a name! I hope it leads to more answers.

It seems almost natural to think of Percy as being the one to turn his back, which I understood but find kind of sad. It'll always be something he'll never fully be rid of. But he came this time and now he can help with the Ministry, even though I think Tenabra is messing with his mind, too. I hope not or that it can be stopped.

And, I had these suspicions before, but I said I wasn't going to assume thing. BUT now that I've gone back to Percy - I kinda have suspicions about his friend who he has lunch with. She's just always there, giving him "advice" and she's close to the Minister and then she was talking about Percy taking the job from him.

Just thought I'd let you know which characters I'm looking guiltily at, since Tenabra is killing so many I might not be able to later. ;)

Great chapter.

Sam.

Author's Response: Harry goes through a lot of really awful things in the course of this story, so I do like to throw him a bone every so often. Life was extremely unfair to all of them, so little moments of happiness like that are worth their weight in gold, I think.

Percy does come through, sort of. And he is quite influential in the Ministry. We'll see whether that turns out to be an asset.

Arabela is definitely worth keeping an eye on. Pretty much all of the characters are, actually. ;)

Thanks for sharing your suspicions. I always enjoy getting the reactions of a new reader making their way through the story. And I have tweaked little bits of it in response to some people's guesses. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #10, by AdeleShare 

27th August 2012:
Though I agree that the particular memory isn't exactly canon, it was so lovely and sweet that it is easily overlooked ;) I guess you could have chosen any kind of memory that needn't have include people that wouldn't have been round or something, but its alright. Still totally hooked, I haven't been able to stop reading! I (sorta?) wish I could offer constructive critism, mostly because you seem to think you need it. Personally, I feel that this story reads as though JKR herself decided to write a follow up far into the future. You sure you don't have a secret to share? Are you a famous British author by name of Joanne, by any chance? But for serious, I am in love with this story. ( also quite envious of your talent) sir, or is it madam? Not sure, but regardless, I am going to continue on. Can't remember how I stumbled upon this story, but I'd like to thank which ever heavenly force was behind that :D

Author's Response: Ha! I can promise you, I don't have any big secrets. I also don't have a private jet or my own Caribbean island, both of which I would definitely have it I had that kind of money.

I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story. I enjoyed writing it so much and if it makes other people happy, that's just a bonus. Thank you for all of the kind words and thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #11, by academica 

25th August 2012:
Hey Dan! I'm back again :)

I liked Harry's interaction with Esme. The emotion was a little soap-opera-ish, but I think you've set it up with their awkward interactions so far in the story and I could see the build-up clearly enough that the increase in intensity didn't seem too out of place or too sudden. Obviously things can come out like that when you hold feelings back for so long.

The entrance into the secret meeting was very interesting. I thought you got George's characterization spot-on, and I liked Molly's little trick with the psychiatric ward. Percy is acting a bit suspicious, though, isn't he? I also liked that you didn't dance around the subject of people not wanting to get into another war. That's how I would imagine a scenario like this to go down, and it's nice to see that variation in emotion here.

I think the trip to Beauxbatons was my favorite part of this chapter. I love Professor Turgeon and I liked how everything she did took Harry by surprise. I can see where Esme picked up her spunk; plus, I love the professor's idea of teaching students to explore their earliest memories. I'm very interested to see how Katerina became the infamous Lady Tenabra, and I sense that her sister will have some important details to provide. I also really liked the scene in Harry's childhood memory; I thought the emotion was perfect and the picture of him breaking down was truly bittersweet. Finishing it off with Turgeon's comment was just the icing on top of that cake. I think the only critique I have to offer there is the French accent; I noticed that you only seem to apply it to the h's. That makes sense, I think, but it almost interrupts the flow for me because the rest sounds 'normal.' If you could play it up a little more without going overboard, I might consider doing that in an edit.

Very nice, as always. Hope this is helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi, Amanda!

Honestly, I struggled a lot writing Harry's interaction with Esme in this chapter. I did kind of feel that it was soap opera-ish and a little over the top, but I was also getting a lot of advice from my beta reader to build up the emotional turmoil between the two of them in order to make Esme's 40-year grudge seem more realistic. Someday...

I really, really enjoyed writing George's entrance, as well as most of the little details about the Order meeting. Percy is definitely acting a little off, but you'll find out why soon enough. Nobody wants to provoke another war at this point. Not that Dedalus would back away from one, mind you. ;)

I really spent a lot of time trying to imagine what Beauxbatons would be like. Based on the students that we see in Goblet of Fire, I came to the conclusion that it was a very different place from Hogwarts or Durmstrang. So I went with that. I like the idea that different schools focus on different types of magic. Hogwarts seems to specialize in very practical magic, Durmstrang in militaristic magic and the Dark Arts, and I decided that Beauxbatons would specialize more in the introspective aspects of magic like memories, Legilimency and Occlumency.

I definitely take your point on the accents. That was another difficult thing to figure out. Some readers have said that I'm over-doing it. Some don't think it's strong enough. Honestly, I would have liked to have peppered the story with actual French phrases, but I didn't feel like translating them all in author's notes. To me, that would have been even more distracting.

I'm glad you like this chapter. The pace gets faster and faster from here, so I'm very interested to find out what you think! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by Pixileanin 

6th June 2012:
Harry and Esme in the train. That was awkward. At least it was easier to be honest without an audience this time. Though, it is sad that a witch as headstrong and capable as Esme hadn't been able to make peace with herself about what had happened between them after all these years. Given the ages of these characters, I think that was the only thing I missed, that she didn't have to necessarily forgive him, but that she might have eventually seen it for what it was and moved on, at least a little. I thought Harry's "explanation" was reasonable and I was relieved that Esme found her understanding.

George's decoy was great! I always knew he would have the perfect thing up his sleeve at any given moment. Always the prankster, even with the pass-phrase. Funny! The resulting meeting was interesting. I wondered who was going to show up. Molly is still fiercely protective, but her sons are more than full grown now. I'm glad they had the spine to speak their minds about the younger generation. They are right. When it comes down to it, no one is exempt from a full blown war. They're going to be involved whether they want to or not.

The scene with the lost memory was well done. If anything was going to get to Harry, it would be that. You described everything in vivid detail, right down to what was on the cake and the lights going out after the candle was lit. It was really quite a beautiful memory.

They way your plot meanders through all of these side characters is really quite something. It strings the story along, while giving you the opportunity to explore many facets of the wizarding world that we wouldn't ordinarily see if we were brought straight to the source of their problems.. You haven't yet covered squibs, and judging from the professor's reaction to the circumstance, I'm sure you have another story to tell about this sister they are going to see. And French things in general. And a little more about Esme.

Another fine chapter. And a great chapter title!

Author's Response: Hello, again!

Harry and Esme's conversation wasn't meant to be comfortable, and it was certainly necessary. She has definitely held onto her grudge for a long time, but I think that really speaks volumes about how heartbroken Harry left her. It was a big deal for her to even come to Britain and see him again in the first place, but it was something that she realized that she needed to do if she was ever going to properly heal.

I had more fun writing that scene with George than you can imagine. I really haven't been able to focus on him very much in this story, and that's a shame. The family dynamic is still very reminiscent of the way the adults were always over-protective during OotP, only applied to a new generation.

The scene with Harry's memory was pretty emotional. It wasn't "fun" to write, per se, but very rewarding.

An awful lot of minor characters come and go over the course of the story. Sometimes I worry that it should be more focused, but I feel like I need them to really tell the whole story.

I'm glad you liked the chapter and the chapter title. I struggle with chapter titles quite a bit. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by Jchrissy 

2nd June 2012:
I'm sorry, I have to keep reading though :/ I don't have the patience to do a detailed review... It was incredible, like always. You did such a perfect job capturing the feelings of Harry while watching his parents. That was such an amazing thing to incorporate, and now takes my place as favorite part of your story. Not only that.

I have to go on... sorry for the lacking review!!

Author's Response: The scene were Esme helps Harry recover the memory of his parents, Sirius and Remus was nominally in there to build empathy for Esme, but truly it was because I loved the idea so much. There are some things in life that are worth more than gold.

No worries about the review. I just enjoy knowing that you're enjoying the story. Thanks!


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Review #14, by Beeezie 

15th May 2012:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review! Sorry (again) for the delay - I had to put a lot of time/energy into the CR activity. ;)

As a note for the future: when you rerequest, please specify the chapter you're requesting for, and it would be nice if you'd specify the word count as well. I have a hard time keeping track of what chapter I'm on, so I waste a bit of time each request figuring it out.


First section (Harry)
The first part of this came across as a little awkward for me. On the whole, you described the scene well, and it was a nice way to open the chapter - there was just enough action to grab my attention without being overwhelming. However, there were a number of points where I felt like you were rushing the scene. I understand that you didn't want to spend too long just getting them on the train, but at the same time, I do think that you needed to slow down a little.

For example, as far as description goes, the first paragraph of the chapter was a little unclear - I think that the paragraph would have worked better if you'd cut out the two sentences in the middle. Similarly, I was confused about why it was even necessary to use the muggle as a decoy.

Along the same lines, there were a lot of intuitive leaps Harry made toward the start of the chapter that I wanted you to back up. I can understand how he might have been able to pick the wizards out of the crowd, but I wanted a better reason. There are a lot of people who wear dated or unmatched clothes. Additionally, the jump to, "that box has a Sneakoscope" and "the Sneakoscope obviously senses us" seemed like a big leap. I wanted to know why he was confident about those things..

Finally, both Esme's and Harry's reaction to traveling as muggles seemed strange. Based on the books, at least, it seems like wizards are at least familiar with trains and boats, and I'm not quite clear on why airplanes were so confusing.

Other than that, though, the section was good. I still feel like Esme's reaction to Harry is a little overblown, considering how long ago whatever happened between them was (unless she had a child with him or something), but I think I'm going to just have to try to let that go.

I did feel like the explanation he gave her was reasonable. It explained why he would have betrayed Ginny like that in a reasonable way, which I've certainly been wondering, and I also felt like it moved Harry and Esme along from the standstill I was afraid they'd fall into.

I'm also glad that you took the opportunity to move them into France while you addressed that; it felt a lit more natural than simply starting the scene by announcing that they were in France or, on the other end, taking way too long to get them there. It's something that could have easily become very boring, but you handled the transition quite well.

Second section (George)
This section I was a lot less conflicted about. I think that you did an excellent job capturing George, especially in terms of showing realistic character development given the time that's passed. He's still recognisably George, of course - the faerie wings are absolutely something I can see being a product in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, and him using them like that is completely in character. However, I also felt like you did add some maturity and thoughtfulness to him that wasn't there before.

The same was true for the rest of the Weasleys. I liked what you've done with Charlie, and there's still a suspiciousness and an uneasiness I feel about Percy that's perfect. Molly hasn't really changed much - if anything, she's gotten even more protective and bullish about the whole thing - but I think that that's a good thing, too. There's no reason why should would have changed.

I also liked the way Arthur and Molly managed to shake their tail, though I think I might have liked it a bit better if you'd included some explanation about why Molly knew anything about muggle psychiatric wards and where to find them or made it Arthur's idea in the first place. Alternatively, you could have made her lead them into a home for people suffering from dementia, which I think it's a bit more likely that Molly would know about. Either way, it was quite funny. Ditto the comment about the tail being arrested for vagrancy.

The only thing that bothered me about this was quite minor, and I may have mentioned it in a previous review - I don't love that Fleur still has an accent. She's been in England surrounded by English speakers for decades. At least in my experience, you tend to shed most of your accent after such an extended time. Just my opinion, though.

Third section (Harry)
On the whole, I liked this section as well. Without it, I feel like this chapter would have felt almost unnecessary, because all it did previous to this is establish things we already knew or could guess with a little extra information. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing to do - I just think that when there's nothing that moves the plot along or starts to answer big questions, the chapter ends up being a bit disappointing. That's especially true of a story like this, which is primarily plot driven.

So in terms of that, this section was terrific. It helped give me a sense of direction that the story could move in next. I would have liked a little more detail about Katerina from either Turgeon or Esme here - I'm sure that will come, but it would have been nice to have some of it here, too. Turgeon herself was fun, and I liked her.

I did think that Esme's showing Harry his parents right there was a bit odd, and it would have made a lot more sense to me if she did that in the next chapter, after they were in a different and more relaxed environment. That's just me, though.

All in all, good chapter. It did feel a bit slow, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. As always, feel free to rerequest (though please do include the chapter & word count).

Author's Response: Beeezie! Long time, no see!

So into every story some plot delivery must fall, and this was definitely one of those slower-paced chapters that was heavy on setting up future developments. I'm sorry if the pace felt a little slow. I promise that I'll be back to barn-burning, blistering, brain-warping action very soon.

As I was trying to get them onto the train, my main goal was to set a certain atmosphere -- covert, dangerous, tense -- without belaboring the point. Evidently I could have belabored it a bit more, so I'll keep that in mind as I write future chapters. As far as Harry's logical leaps go, I'm thinking of him as having over 40 years of Auror experience by this point. He's worked countless surveillance assignments and he's very well versed in the ins and outs, as is Esme. I wouldn't see a hastily-assembled Ministerial Security task force being any sort of match for them.

My beta reader and I went back and forth a lot on trying to get the conversation between Harry and Esme to sound just right and honestly I'm still not 100% happy with it. The old "Harry is rubbish with girls" plot device is getting pretty tired and cliche by this point, but I couldn't think of any other plausible way that he could make her angry enough for the two of them to really get their true feelings out in the open. Esme has that classic Mediterranean personality type: emotional, prone to flying off the handle, and wearing her heart on her sleeve. That's why she still hasn't really forgiven Harry, although they make some progress in this chapter.

The way George eludes his tails from Ministerial Security was far and away the most fun part of this chapter to write. Aside from his prank during the family dinner, I haven't really made enough of George's character up to this point, so I'm trying to remedy that. As far as whether Molly would understand the workings of a muggle hospital, come on, dear, you can't have it both ways. Either wizarding society is sufficiently disconnected that Esme wouldn't have known much about muggle transit or most wizards are aware enough that they would understand that muggles have special facilities for their mentally ill patients.

As far as Fleur's accent, eh, you probably have a good point. I just like to do something to help differentiate her.

As for the last section, it definitely has the biggest dose of plot. There is a lot more detail about Katerina coming up in the next chapter. Here, I was mostly just trying to introduce her as a presence and get a few things about her -- her gifts, her immaturity and Professor Turgeon's concerns about her -- out in the open.

I thought that Esme helping Harry to experience the full detail of his memory of his parents fir in reasonably well with her explanation of the Beauxbatons memory class being her favorite and why. It also happened to be a place where penseives were easily available, which won't happen again for a while.

Thanks for all of the constructive criticism. It's something that I really wish I got more of in my reviews, because it pushes me to think about what I'm writing and challenge my own assumptions. I'll make a point of giving you chapter and length the next time I get a chance to re-request, although you seem to stay really busy these days and I feel bad about snagging spots that could go to less established authors. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #15, by Elenia 

6th May 2012:
See what you're doing to me! I should be writing my own story, not reading another chapter of yours ^^ but I'm too hooked...

Anyways, amazing chapter as always. You really don't have to worry about the length of them because I could just keep on reading forever.

The beginning was interesting as always. Another clever idea how you made them distract the security officers. They make everything believable and shows that you really consider every little thing.

Harry made me chuckle. He's so in character with all his awkwardness and the fact that he ends up saying just the wrong things even though his intensions are good. I liked Esme's reactions to his words, and that you told us more about what really happened between them. For me, it all made sense and helped me see the reasons why it was such a touchy subject still. I'm glad Esme didn't make it a bigger scene, but let Harry explain it all, even though he made her furious at first.

I really like Esme's character and I can't wait to see how you're planning to develop her relationship with Harry. I can't really decide what I want to happen between them. I sort of want something to happen, but then again, I don't see it as a necessary thing. But I do think that Harry should let go of his pain and move on and I kind of want to see how all the Weasleys would react if they became an item... Hmm, can't decide. Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see. I'm sure you'll make the right decision, what ever it is ^^ Glad to see that they're working with their issues though.

Ooh, George's POV. Did not see that one coming! I really liked it though, you did a good job showing that mischievous spark in him even in his old age. Instant Fearie Birthday Party Powder was genius (x and the 'password' and George's thoughts about Ron and his dilemma's about it made me chuckle.

One thing I'd like to point out in this scene. Fleur's accent. Yes, she's French and English isn't her native language, but if you think about it, she's been married quite a long time with Bill and they've lived in England that whole time. She speaks more English that French nowadays, her accent is bound to get better. So I don't think her accent would be that strong anymore that one would actually notice it. Maybe with some difficult words and such, but not in an every-day discussion.

Other than that, I really loved the whole scene. It was filled with brilliant ideas and you showed us familiar things from so many characters. I especially liked Molly and her worries about the next generation.

So, about the memory. Even though I loved it, especially how you've developed the magic and all, it bothered me. Everything else in your story is so close to canon, but this doesn't fit. The Potters were hiding back then already so Remus and Sirius couldn't have accessed the house in Godric's Hollow. Also, it was mentioned in Lily's letter to Sirius how it was a very small occasion, only Bathilda came by to visit. Sirius sent a present, and Lily sent the letter to thank him.

But if I ignore all that, I think it was a very lovely scene. I would've wanted to see Peter there too though (that's always one of my pet peeves)

I'm interested about this Katherine character and how she's connected to Lady Tenabra... Way to create more mystery around your story! (x

Oh, and I loved Professor Turgeon! She reminded me of Dumbledore.

I'll go write now... or read more... haven't decided yet ^^

See you soon anyways!

~E

Author's Response: So you want to know what's going through my head right now, pretty much verbatim?

Author Me: "She keeps reading and reviewing and reading and reviewing... This is the greatest thing ever!"

Reader Me: "But, but, but... Gwennie's in the hospital! And James knocked up that horrible fan-chick!"

Author Me: "But she's reading out story, and she likes it!"

Reader Me: "But Gwennie! Will she ever be able to play again? And will James finally pull his head out of his, uh, you know, and realize he loves her?"

Author Me: "Silence, fool!"

Reader Me: "I will be heard!"

Anyway, enough with my artistic schizophrenia... Harry is indeed still "rubbish with girls", even when the girls are also in their 60's. It was kind of fun to let him stumble his way through the situation. My beta reader did an awesome job of helping me to make Esme's side of the tiff sound right.

I'm still not completely sure where Esme and Harry are heading, which is kind of bad considering how close to the end I'm getting. Lots and lots of conflicting emotions on that one.

The Instant Faerie Birthday Party Powder just came to me while I was writing this. The best things are often the ones that you think of at the last minute.

I take your point on the memory. I hadn't really researched it to that extent, but I'll certainly take your word for it. Hmmnnn... I may just have to accept this small deviation from canon, because I love how that scene works.

Katerina is yet another thread weaving through this. Sometimes I worry that I have too many to be manageable.

I didn't really have Dumbledore in mind when I wrote Turgeon, but I could see how she sounds similar. Unlike Dumbledore, however, she has no agenda beyond educating her students. I can tell you that much for certain.

I hope my inner dialog helps you decide whether to read or write. At least then it would help one of us. ;)

Thanks for all of your amazing thoughts and ideas!


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Review #16, by shadowcat2 

30th April 2012:
The memory was so beautiful. Harry really needed that. I think I like Esme a bit more now.
Professor Turgeon was almost like our Dumbledore. So we finally found Lady Tenabra. Let's see what happens next. See you in a bit.

Author's Response: I've tried really hard not to make the entire story a miserable ordeal for Harry. He definitely needs some encouragement to keep going here and there.

I'm not sure I think of Turgeon as being all that much like Dumbledore, aside from being very old and very wise. Perhaps more like an aged, warmer version of McGonagall.

So you think perhaps that Katerina is Tenabra? Interesting theory. ;-)

Thanks so much!


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Review #17, by Ashling586 

10th March 2012:
Another wonderful chapter to a really great story. I am really starting to like Esme's character. She is very spirited, strong minded, likes to speak her mind, and is stubborn almost to a fault, in a lot of way she reminds me of Ginny. I though it was funny that even at 60 yrs old Harry still fumbles when it comes to dealing with women. Then again even my own grandpa does the same thing, so I guess that it is a guy thing.
I really liked the manhole secret transportation, that was really cool. I also thought the fairy powder was hilarious but I think my favorite part when it came to getting rid of the trackers was putting them in the psyc ward at the muggle hospital.
I did find one minor grammar issue that I thought I would point out.
"Made me realize what really important," I felt that a "was" is needed between "what" and "really". other than that great job as usual.

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I have really tried to make Esme as realistic and approachable as I can. She definitely has a lot in common with Ginny, and like Harry, she has some flaws like wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Harry is still 100% rubbish when it comes to the opposite sex. Some things I just can't ever see changing...

George's section was huge fun to write. I loved every bit of it. The Order meeting, itself, was a little more challenging. I finally settled on not making it too long and involved. The essential information got across and I had to be happy with that.

Thanks for pointing out my typo. I'll get that patched up as soon as validation permits.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #18, by ginerva_molly_weasley 

8th March 2012:
Hey, here I am again :)

This chapter is very good. The whole scene with Esme and Harry at the beginning reminds us of the fact that they are still being hunted down by the wizarding community and they they need to do all they can to avoid being captured. I think you show that really well but you also expand a little upon the situation between Esme and Harry by describing both of their feelings and showing that although there was something between them it was because Harry was young and naieve.

I think you've also shown the fact that the Weasley family are being followed really well but you also show how everyone has to stay alert because there is something underlying going on in the ministry which means none of them are safe and that they are all at risk of being arrested if they are shown to put a foot out of line much like in the previous war they all fought. I think that the others are more prepared for the war than Molly is because she's starting tor ealise that all they fought for back then, to make the world a safer place for her children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren is all being undone and she will have to get them involved in the war again.

You described Beauxbatons really well with the grandeur and the fact that the headmistress is a very accomplished legilimens is very interesting as it adds the extra air of mystery to this.

The fact that they confiremed that the memory had been altered by that girl is an interesting twist to the story as now they seem all the more closer to finding out what is going on with the new blood order.

I really did like this chapter!

Author's Response: Hello, again.

So this chapter contains most of the Harry and Esme Story that I've been promising since I introduced her in The Fall. She has certain grievances with Harry that are quite legitimate, although she was also obviously a willing participant and didn't go into things with her eyes closed.

The Order meeting was both fun and challenging to write. Fun, in the sense that we get to see several much-loved characters from canon. Challenging in that it wasn't easy to figure out their individual reactions to the events taking place around them and then make the interplay between them sound believable. This part went thought a lot of revisions before I was happy with it.

One small, almost irrelevant point on the visit to Beauxbatons: Professor Turgeon is not the Headmistress, just on the faculty. I wanted to paint a very different picture from Hogwarts, and it sounds like it came across that way so that makes me happy. They are now off to try to find Katerina.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #19, by Remus 

1st March 2012:
Heya!

It always seems to be that I'm two chapters behind just when I think I'm almost caught up. Go figure. Haha! Can't believe you're up to chapter 23! Anyway! On with my review.

The line "Smooth, Potter. Very smooth." Had me laughing mostly because that's such a staple for Harry. Something he tends to say in most fan fictions regarding females. Esme...I've grown to like her. Harry definitely had it coming in a way and he's still sort of dense. I like the whole conversation. You definitely managed to portray Esme's anger towards Harry and his discomfort.

George! First time you've written his POV. The whole Faerie Birthday Party Powder was fantastic. Something very George/Fred thing to create! It's always hard to create something they would consider amusing and that readers would believe. Your Powder is definitely something they would create.

Oh God...Percy...I feel bad for him, I really do. He's a pawn in all this and he doesn't know it. Everyone not trusting him seems fitting, also Molly trying to keep peace seems very her. I'm really glad you've kept everyone's personality! Definitely feels like JKR characters and not a FF author. Good job!

Seriously, best line is "At times, George envied his brother for spending most of his life in the company of scaly, fire-breathing behemoths. It obviously made their mother seem less threatening." I'm at work and cannot even manage to suppress a giggle. So now I look like a lunatic in my department laughing to herself. Thanks XD

Anyway! Molly being Molly is great! She's a true Matriarch in that family.

I see what you meant about even more memories. I absolutely like how you expanded the magic behind memories. Making them fragile, getting memories from your past that you didn't even think you could...that's brilliant! Harry able to see Lily was great, really heartwarming. :)

Anyway, suppose that's it for now! Once again, this was a great chapter! :D

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I think you're going to catch up to me pretty soon. The chapters take longer and longer to write these days. There's so much back-story now. I spend a ton of time double-checking things to make sure that I don't contradict myself. It really gives you some perspective on what it must have been like for JKR trying to write DH without running afoul of the first six books.

Poor Harry is still rubbish around women. I think of it as one of his more enduring traits. And there is a lot to like about Esme in spite of her flaws and her animosity towards Harry. She's the kind of woman that Harry definitely could have made a life with if he and Ginny weren't destined to be together. And it may yet happen. We shall see...

I loved writing a section from George's PoV. Any chance I get to step outside of the Big 5 -- for this story, that's Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco and Lady Tenabra -- is a treat because I get to explore events from a different perspective. Expect more of that coming up.

The idea of having Esme help Harry relive a memory from before his parents died came to me relatively late in the process of writing this chapter, so I'm glad it worked for you. I needed a way to help Harry and Esme start overcoming their past and this seemed like a very touching way to go about it. I was a little surprised by how emotional it actually was to write that.

As always, thanks so much for sticking with me. I know some of the chapters are getting brutally long, and I really appreciate all of your insight and feedback.


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Review #20, by MoonLily_ 

12th February 2012:
This story is very intriguing and very well thought out. Your characters are very real, almost canon-ly portrayed. I truly believe Harry reacting like this at that age and everyone reacted on it like that. Your story is written so well you are almost sucked into it. I couldn't stop reading it and I absolutly love it!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review!

I'm very glad that the characters felt in-canon to you. That's very important to me. I obsess over it to an almost unhealthy extent.

Aging the characters believably is one of the hardest parts of writing this story, so again I'm glad that part worked well for you.

What else can I say? Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Next chapter is in the queue, so hopefully it will be up tomorrow some time.


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Review #21, by Rose 

9th February 2012:
Your story is amazing! I found it through Evolution and I just read the whole thing so far... I hope you keep going with the story!

Author's Response: I'll have to send an extra-special thank you to Ms. Hatter.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #22, by MadnessOfCrouch 

8th February 2012:
Please finish this off. I really want to know how it ends

Author's Response: So do I! And we both have the same problem, I'm afraid. I'm not done writing it yet.

But don't despair. More chapters will be going up soon.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

7th February 2012:
I just read this on my phone but I can never leave a proper review with the autocorrect on. I planned on reading your one-shot this morning but when I saw this was updated I had to read it.

First, I have to say the person who surprised me the most was Percy in this chapter. He seemed very nonchalant about everything which at first annoyed me but then it made sense to me because he never really fought in the war until the very end. He never had to worry about anyone following him because he made it quite clear who he believed in. I kind of wanted to hit him over the head. You would think after all these years he'd be able to use that brain of his properly. Oh, but he redeemed himself with the information he had (though he did say it rather nonchalantly for my liking).

George was a nice addition! I thought the way he got the two that were following him off his back was clever. Made me laugh which is always a must have in a story in my books!

I still don't know if I like Esme. She's a hard worker and she's willing to help Harry but she really needs to let go of everything. Harry apologized to her, yes, and she accepted it but I felt like she was being a bit too harsh with him. Maybe it's the fact that if I hear another female in my life complain about a man I'll explode! Haha. I'm not entirely sure if they'd end up together after everything is settled (hopefully). Because it seems that she wouldn't want to make the same mistake twice. Even though Ginny is gone he still loves her but he's not incapable of loving someone else either. But I don't think Esme would generally be comfortable in the family or entirely accepted so I don't know, I don't see it happening unless you decide it because you could make it work but right now the path you're leading me to says no.

I thought the memory with his parents was an excellent surprise. I just didn't see it coming and it caught me off guard. It was of course terribly sad, especially when he noticed the lack of the scar on his forehead. If only JK Rowling would write another book, this would be something that I would want to see in it.

So, Lady T is Katerina? I was really convinced it was someone we had met before! This is why I never want to make assumptions. I'm always wrong. I do remember Esme mentioning that there could only be a few people (I forgot the number) that would be able to alter the memory like that so I guess it makes sense that it would be someone we don't know since she knows them.

Another excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I love reading on my phone, but just like you, I hate trying to review on it. I always find myself doing a lot of jumping around, from the comment box back into the document and back to the comment box. It's tough to manage on such a tiny screen.

I felt like it was kind of important to involve Percy in this scene, both in terms of showing his dedication to the family and because of what we suspect might be going on in his life. So in for a dime, in for a dollar... I had to make him seem more than a little clueless because, you're right, he hasn't really done this before.

I absolutely loved writing George's escape from his followers. It was immense fun.

I think I'm doing well, because I was hoping that readers wouldn't warm up to Esme too quickly. I want people to feel genuine ambivalence over whether she should end up with Harry because honestly I haven't decided, myself. It's part of the fun of writing a story on the fly, I guess. At any rate, I don't have to make that decision any time soon...

I'm glad you enjoyed the memory of Harry's first birthday. It was pretty emotional to write, so it's good that you felt that. I tried to make it as atmospheric as possible.

Oops, did I introduce another possible alter-ego for Lady Tenabra? ;-) She's really quite mysterious, isn't she?

Thanks so much for all of your wonderful reviews! Eagerly looking forward to your next project!


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Review #24, by CloakAuror9 

5th February 2012:
Hello!

Ooh! The Order is back, I'm guessing that the Next Gen kids will be taking part despite Molly's concerns, right? I'm sure that none of them would go hiding during needy times, what with all the 'I-came-from-a-family-of-war-heroes-so-I-need-to-be-one-as-well' thing, right?

I think that there will never be an Esme and Harry at this point unless you have some kind of plan brewing in that creative mind of yours. Harry feels too guilty about what he's done with Esme and he could never get over Ginny. I think his love for Ginny is an eternal one. ♥

The best scene in the chapter, for me, was Harry's baby memories. There were tears while I read it. As you may know, or not know, James/Lily is my favourite ship and I love them. So if you mention them somewhere along this story, I will cry! Especially if their ones about Harry's first birthday! Who wouldn't be touched with that scene, forget the tears, don't you just feel...sad when you read it? I certainly did.

Any who, as per usual a really great job on the story and I really like how everything is slowly coming along and I'm feeling that the story is near the end, only I hope not. I don't know, I think things are slowly but surely folding up and teh story makes a lot of progress every chapter so I think it's not much time before the story ends. Aw! But I don't want that time to come...Lol. Why don't you just continue writing a never-ending story? :P

Hahah, I'm so funny...not,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Hello, again!

Yes, the Order is back. The family is taking the state of affairs quite seriously, and justifiably so. Things are looking very dangerous. And I doubt I'll be able to resist the temptation to bring the Next Gen characters into the action, but I'm still working on exactly how...

Harry and Esme... I know this is going to be a very touchy subject for a lot of readers, so I'm trying to handle the whole thing very gently. Where it leads, I can't quite say yet. Harry's love for Ginny will never die, but that doesn't mean that his capacity to love is gone. I'll just leave it at that...

Harry seeing his memories of his first birthday was something that came to me kind of late in the game while I was writing this, but I think it serves a good purpose. Little by little, Harry and Esme are mending their past difficulties. Again, where that leads remains to be seen. And, yes, it was an emotional, touching and kind of sad scene to write. I'm glad that came through well.

A never-ending story? I really don't think I have that in me. But at this point I'd say that we're right around halfway done, maybe just a bit more, so there's plenty more left to write.

Thanks so much for your continuing support and wonderful reviews!


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Review #25, by Roots in Water 

4th February 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This was a very interesting chapter, one that I quite enjoyed reading. I hadn't expected the addition of Harry's memory of his first birthday but it was very interesting to see his reaction to it. I can only imagine what it would be like for him to see them alive, to hear them speak and laugh, all the while knowing that they would be dead within a few months- I think that you did a good job of exploring those emotions in the story, brief as it was covered. I wish that I was able to see my earlier memories- it can be fascinating to remember what you have forgotten (if, of course, they are good memories).

I also liked the scene between Esme and Harry on the train. I hadn't thought that Harry had gone that far with Esme and can now see why she was that upset at the abrupt end of their "relationship". However, I think that you explained Harry's thoughts well. He certainly didn't have a normal childhood and was treated very differently from how he thought of himself- naturally his reactions to true affection/interest in him would be want because it would help to solidify his self-esteem and self-worth. I think that this shows the depth you're taking your characters to as you've taken his past into consideration while writing his present actions.

So the Order has reconvened? And there is once again the argument about whether or not to include the children though there are differences... Molly isn't as influential in the decisions (being the grandmother, not the parent) and the children in question are older. I hope that they will allow the children the opportunity to join the Order because ignorance and inaction is what caused the majority of the problems in the last war. However, I think the main problem is Percy- even though he is convinced that he's not under surveillance I'm not as sure. He didn't even notice the two wizards following him... The real danger comes not from intentional betrayal but rather unintentional as he has been controlled before and his memory modified- in this manner the New Blood Order already has a way into the Order. Will they realize it?

Once again I think that you did a great job with your dialogue and description- though one could argue that there wasn't a lot of action in this chapter it certainly did move the plot along. I do have a little comment: several times I noticed that in your dialogue, after an italicized word, you had accidently (I'm assuming) pressed "enter", resulting in one word for a whole line.

All in all, I very much enjoyed this latest chapter and I think that you're doing a splendid job with the progression of this story. Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments (though this time they are mainly speculations) are helpful!

Author's Response: Augh! I had so many problems with the editor while I was trying to get this chapter posted. I thought I had gone cleaned up all the instances where I wound up with a CRLF after italics. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll make sure to go back through and fix those.

On to the more pleasant parts of your review. The idea of having Esme be able to show Harry some of this very early memories came to me while I was writing this, and I thought it would be a very touching way to help repair their frayed relationship. They definitely have a tortured past for all the reasons you allude to. And you didn't miss anything earlier, by the way. I've been deliberately dribbling out the details of their past little by little.

The Order is back together, and, yes, Percy is a big risk without realizing it. Whether and how to involve the Next Gen characters will be a major point of debate, but they will obviously become more involved regardless of Molly's concerns.

Your comments and speculations are very helpful. I love the way that you give me a good idea of how the story is playing out through the eyes of my readers!

Thanks so much!


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