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22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 

30th January 2015:
Hi there Dan!

Here for the next chapter.

One characteristic of your writing that really stands out to me is the way you describe in detail how different bits of magic affect a person. I can really feel the rennervate spell working on the men as they are healed from their injuries. Also, from last chapter, the way you described the memory being self-extracted from Percy's mind as a deep-rooted cancer being removed gave me not just a mental image of Percy pulling the image from his mind, but I felt a connection to him - how it was painful and freeing and exhausting all at the same time. I think this is one reason why your stories are so well done. You bring me right into the magical world, and make me feel like I'm right there living the moment with all of these characters. In short - super, fantastic, wonderful, amazing job!

I noticed a small typo here:

Glaring at her our of the corner of his eye, Gamp reluctantly ended Rosiers agony.

it should be "out" of the corner of his eye

Aha! So Lady Tenabra was imperiousing Gamp, huh? I did think it a bit weird that Gamp would use Crucio on his buddies for bad-mouthing Tenabra. I mean sure, he's crazy and masochistic, but I didn't think that would extend to defending a woman.

So, she is very calculating indeed - she lets her minions think that she's not about to get her hands dirty and has Gamp at her beckon call. This is a great power strategy. She seems more dangerous this way.

Loved your little excerpt from the runes book on controlling a person (or large group of people). Basically cut them off at the source until they have no choice to to join you. And hey, you can make them think its a great idea at the same time.

Hmmm - who is this other wizard that she has a bond with, I wonder. And who are the pawns in the Minister's office...

Okay - I'm gonna take a stab at guessing her identity - because I'm fairly sure that she isn't a completely isolated character here. I have two guesses right now. I wasn't that confident in either one, but once I did a little digging, I am pretty sure I know who she is. Either way, I know you will be amused at my floundering and reasons.

Guess #1: Narcissa Black Malfoy
Reasons: 1. She has blond hair. 2. She conveniently "died" at the beginning of the story. 3. She is a pure blood witch with some of those ideals. 4. She is very powerful in terms of magic.

Non reasons: 1. It doesn't seem her thing - taking over the world and manipulating the dregs of society for the sake of power. She would've been content to live out her days in Malfoy manor. 2. She's dead (supposedly). 3. A lot of Lady Tenabra's actions seem a bit "improper" for Narcissa's taste.

Guess #2: Arabela Dynt
Reasons: 1. Lady Tenabra mentioned trying the bond on a man who's mind she already knew (Percy?). 2. She says she has pawns inside the Minister's office (not the Ministry, but specifically the Minister's office. 3. Apparently I'm not the only one who likes to use anagrams :)

Non reasons: 1. We don't know very much about her. 2. I could pretend that I have more non-reasons, but the evidence I found in #3 of Reasons is pretty convincing ;)

Ooo - nice job with the decoy set up. Harry, Harry, Harry - c'mon man! You are barely able to stand and yet you're ready to take on the world. Let's just bring it down a few notches, here.

I'm curious as to why Harry can feel the protective wards that are up? Is it because he is the one who cast them or does he have a sixth sense for all wards? Interesting.

So, I think Hermys picked up on the fact that Percy's memory had been tampered with. Perhaps elves have a way of knowing when someone uses legilimency or maybe some other form of modification on them. Maybe she did something so that if the memory was removed, erm.. something happened to him. I'm not sure yet, just guessing as I'm writing. I'm still reveling in my discovery of Lady Tenabra's identity and now I'm paying closer attention to the interaction between Percy and everyone else.

I love the fact that Hermione can walk in the pensieve. It means so much and I think will be a big step in her healing to know that she sees herself that way. Mind over matter. And of course she's the one that figures out the memory is at least partially fake. My initial thought was that Lady Tenabra was imperiousing Percy to murder Stoops and that is why her reflection shows up in the sink and not Percy's. Also, that might explain why he felt really weird removing the memory and still feels off afterwards. Either a memory modification occurred on him or he was imperioused. The "hazy quality" reminds me of when Slughorn's memory was tampered with in HBP, but I think I need a few more clues before I can determine that one. Or maybe I'm completely off and just a rambling idiot at this point. Is Arabela a French name?

So I gotta admit, I expected Hermione's revelation recall of what had been her mental block to be a bit more dramatic than just a name calling incident. Granted, it was obviously very traumatic for her.

Either way, I loved this chapter. And this is officially the longest review I've ever left for anyone, as I'm down to less than 600 characters. And even though I'm pretty sure I've figured out a very important detail, I still have lots and lots of questions. I guess I'll just have to keep reading!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi, Beth! I've been putting off my review responses for far too long. So without further ado...

I enjoy pondering how magic would *feel* to the person using it, or to the person on the receiving end. I don’t want to go too far overboard into “magical cores” and stuff like that, but I think the descriptions you’re talking about are another thing that helps to draw the reader into the characters.

Thank you for the typo! I patched that up.

Lady Tenabra is controlling Gamp. It’s not quite the same as using the Imperius Curse on him. You’ll learn more about the difference in a few chapters.

Ha! So who is Lady Tenabra? You’re not doing a bad job with you guessing, but you know I can’t tell you. We mustn’t ruin the big moment.

I’ve always liked the idea that Harry has *a few* of the abilities that always seem to be bestowed upon him in powerful!Harry crack fics. He is a talented wizard, after all. The ability to feel wards will come in handy later.

Hermys is aware that something is going on with Percy’s mind, but the poor elf doesn’t quite have the vocabulary to explain what. Definitely pay attention to Percy. There’s a lot going on with him in general.

Ha! There are so many things that get revealed or hinted at in this chapter. I’m not surprised that it’s a little hard to take it all in. Hermione does still see herself as an able-bodied person. That will be both a source of strength and a struggle as the story wears on. The “hazy quality” of Percy’s memory is a sign of tampering. You’ll learn a lot more about it in a few chapters.

I hear what you’re saying about Hermione’s mental block. I wasn’t sure how to make the memory more dramatic without taking it over the top. It’s merely something that she never properly dealt with.

I’m honored to have received your longest review! Big things happen over the next two chapters and I’m dying to know what you think! Thanks so much!


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Review #2, by GingeredTea 

27th January 2015:
Even before we reached the point where you exposed Tenabra as controlling Gamp, I felt that she was at least using his insanity to do the cruel acts while she gets to act like the sane one, dishing out the voice of reason instead of making them scream. I took a moment of pleasure in her less-than-perfect grasp of this book she's reading.

I'm starting to wonder if she knows Harry... "She thought of another wizard she could attempt the bonding with, one whose mind she already knew quite well, but she decided it would be premature. He was the centerpiece of her end game, and she hadnt gotten this far by being impulsive." PLEASE tell me she's not Luna!? Or, wait...is she talking about Percy?


Arabela...Tenabra...could they be one in the same? I know, I'm guessing here...

Even the simple aspect of Hermione not giving up on how she wants to perceive herself and Harry accepting even a temporary injury, spoke volumes of their character.

"In the end, I knew that Ginny was the only one for me, but I think she was hoping for a different outcome.".Okay, I'm back to my first thought that this girl knows Harry...but she might also be the person Percy is always talking too. She would want to keep an eye on the person whose mind she messed with.

The scene with Hermione almost had me crying too...

Author's Response: Lady Tenabra has found a useful tool in Gamp. He's crazy enough and violent enough that nothing he does seems out of context, even when she's controlling him. You're right, using him in that way allows her to seem like the cool, logical, reasonable one. It's one more facet of leadership that Voldemort didn't grasp to the level that she does. The books is still confusing her, but she's nothing if not persistent.

I kind of doubt that Luna has this capacity for evil anywhere in her, but that's definitely one of the more interesting theories I've read.

Hermione isn't the type to give up, ever. She's every bit as persistent as Lady Tenabra.

Another interesting theory. You'll meet Harry's "old friend" soon. I'm curious to see what you make of her.

The scene with Hermione was sad and a little personal for me, as well. I'm glad it didn't seem corny.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #3, by peggy77 

24th November 2013:
O.k., I take back my theory about what was bugging Hermione,
lol! I would have never guessed that it had been her. Although, I
do feel that she empathized with the man in the wheelchair and
probably was truly mortified by her actions, despite the excuse
ofbeing bullied into it.

I hope the French author Harry is thinking of isn't Lady Tenabra!

Author's Response: You're pretty much spot on with Hermione's feelings. She was and is so mortified by what she did that she sort of suppressed the memory. Then it all came back to her when she found out she was paralyzed.

Who is Lady Tenabra? Read on... :p

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by APerkins 

23rd October 2013:
Oooh percy possessed, hermione layers harry's ex something. ..
You just keep dropping bombs!

Also I just want to say ow on behalf of harry.
It hurts to realise you are not needed n rely on the people uve trained.

Author's Response: "Harry's ex something" is a good way to put it. You'll meet her very soon and, as the kids on Facebook say, it's complicated.

Harry is definitely a hands-on manager. He has a hard time watching his people put themselves in mortal danger without being there himself. It's fortunate that Ron and Susan were there to talk sense into him.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by Courtney Dark 

23rd July 2013:
Wow what an action packed chapter that answered so many questions and left me with so many more! I'm fairly certain that I'll have many questions and be completely mystified throughout this whole novel, which is great! I never enjoy a story if it's too predictable.

Hermione's memory was so sad:( I have to admit, I never imagined that it would be Hermione who uttered that horrible world - I guess I immediately assumed that it would be some horrible school bully. Even though you only mentioned that veteran briefly, I still felt so horrible for him - and for Hermione as well. Though I have to say that it definitely makes sense that she would get bullied as a young child.

Percy's memory was tampered with! For some reason I never saw that coming - although at least Harry, Ron and Hermione got a glimpse of Lady T. And I wonder what Hermys was going on about when he said there was someone else with Percy but didn't know how to explain it properly? I've got a feeling that I should know...perhaps I'm just a little slow on the uptake!

I laughed at the bit about Harry making a makeshift sling out of his sheets - that definitely seems like something that Harry would do! And now I am quite curious about this French witch. Will she reappear again, I wonder? I'm looking forward to finding out!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I like to trade answers for more questions. I wouldn't want you to run out, after all. ;)

Poor Hermione had a rough childhood in some respects. I definitely agree: such a brainy, precocious child definitely would have been bullied at times. I feel like the memory actually hurts her worse than it would most people because of another horrible word that's impacted her life on so many occasions since getting her Hogwarts letter: mudblood. In both cases, it's a terrible thing to say that victimizes a person based on something they really have no control over.

Yes, Percy is also something of a victim in this. Hermys is definitely onto something, the poor elf just can't quite explain what he perceives. He may not fully understand it, himself. Elves can sense many things, but their aversion to dark magic is so strong that it messes with their perception. Did I say dark magic? ;)

Poor Harry was so desperate to get out of the hospital that he was willing to try just about anything. And you'll be seeing an awful lot of the French witch. She becomes pretty important to the plot.

Yay, I'm starting to catch up! So sorry for taking so long to respond. Thanks for all of the awesome reviews!


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Review #6, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

2nd February 2013:
It's a fake! What is she doing to you, Percy? :O

But they know her and and now her face, did they definitely see her face or was it just her hair and a bit of her face? Gah, I hope it helps! Tenabra thinks Gamp is crazy - well, he is - but is she, like, crazy without knowing she's crazy to do all this, or is it some kind of revenge thing ( because I noticed "He was the centerpiece of her end game" and I'm so curious now :P)?

Hermione's memory was so sad, to be bullied into doing something like that. But now she might have figured out her mental block, she can heal emotionally and stuff. I just want to hug Hermione. :)

Great chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: Unfortunately for the trio, they were able to see just enough to Tenabra's face in the taps to be pretty sure that it's her, not enough to make a composite sketch or anything.

Gamp is mental. Dangerously unstable, violent and sociopathic. Unfortunately for all involved, you'll be seeing more of him. The centerpiece of her end game just means that the person she's thinking of plays a very important role in her master plan, which is well underway by this point.

So now you know why Hermione has had such difficulty making her peace with the wheelchair. I tend to think anyone as brilliant but socially awkward as young Hermione would have dealt with a certain amount of bullying. I'm glad that you felt for her.

Thanks so much for all of your awesome reviews!


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Review #7, by NearlyHeadless_Nick 

29th October 2012:
Wow, the whole part about memory modification training... and Residual Self Image, what a stroke of genius! You've read Mrs_Granger's "The Winters After the War", haven't you? I knew there was somewhere I recognized Hermys the elf from, and your explication rang some rather sonorous bells... Very cool, great job!

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, Winters After the War is one of my all-time favorite stories on the site. I do have a couple of little shout-outs in here. ;)

Thanks so much for taking a minute to review!


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Review #8, by academica 

29th July 2012:
Hey Dan! I'm here with another requested review :)

First off, this has nothing to do with the story, but I think it's really kind of you to advertise for your beta reader at the beginning of each chapter. Having done some beta reading, I know it can be a lot of work, and I'm sure she appreciates it!

I like the opening scene - it's neat to see you blend the Muggle world with the magical one, especially in terms of the effectiveness of Tenabra's Imperius curse on someone with clear mental distress. I had always assumed that the effects of that curse would be fairly universal, so as to make it easily identifiable to law enforcement, but I think this sort of varied effect adds a new dimension to the curse. I also like the way Tenabra re-analyzed and theorized about the runes - it definitely resounded with how I think about research in my real life. It's hard for me to get a sense of precisely what illness Gamp is suffering from yet, but I'm very intrigued.

I like the scene with Harry and his friends, too. I could definitely sense the tension when Harry wanted to go help the others and his friends were trying to remind him that he was weakened and would be better off trying to get to a safe place. I'm glad that the attack left no casualities, though.

The memories - very interesting. It's almost like, if you choose, you can present an idealized version of yourself. It reminded me of how Slughorn manipulated his memories in Half-Blood Prince. Perhaps that says something about a person, in terms of how honest they are with their memories - Snape, for example, told it as it was, it seems, which resonates with how I view him.

I got a little hung up on the end of Percy's section, in terms of him taking his parchment to a Muggle cafe to work. I get the sense that the Statute of Secrecy has been relaxed by the New Blood Order, but I guess I was still under the assumption that the Ministry wants to keep their magical operations under wraps. Maybe I missed something somewhere...?

Oh my gosh, and Hermione! You totally got me there - I never guessed that it was her uttering that awful word. I can see why her handicap bothers her so much, and I can see a lot of her investigative nature and urge to adhere to the rules with this scene. Nice job with her there.

Great work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello, again!

sophie and I have been reading for one another for a long time, and we try not to pass up too many opportunities to promote each other's work. Her story is genuinely one of my favorites in all the archives and that's no exaggeration.

Gamp is truly, completely mentally ill, and it gives Tenabra a lot of difficulty when she tries to control him. She is not using the Imperius Curse on him, at least not exactly. She's experimenting with some of the dark magic that she has learned from her book. What is Gamp suffering from? I honestly hadn't thought it that far through. He was kind of a nut to begin with, then he spent about 4 decades locked up in Azkaban. As the old saying goes, "nobody comes out of prison better than they went in."

If somebody is in danger, Harry feels like his place is helping them, even when he's in no physical condition to do so. It's fortunate that Ron and Susan are there to remind him of what's really important in this situation.

I really loved the memory magic in the books and I wanted to try to do some interesting things with it in this story. For better or worse, there's a lot that's not completely clear in the books about how it works. We do know that memories can be modified, thanks to good old Slughorn, so I've taken that concept and extended it to the notion that people's memories can be modified against their will and, if the person doing the modifications is sufficiently skillful, the modified memory will be almost indistinguishable from the real thing.

You know, I hadn't thought of it that way, but Percy would certainly stick out if he were unrolling long sheets of parchment in a muggle cafe. My idea, which I neglected to put into words, is that he's quite adept at using charms to make himself invisible to the muggles or perhaps to conceal what he's actually doing. To them, his parchment might appear to be an iPad, for instance. ;)

So the real reason for Hermione's bad reaction to the wheelchair finally comes out. I'm glad that you liked it.

Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful, detailed reviews. They're always helpful!


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Review #9, by Pixileanin 

1st June 2012:
"Is this how our 'new world' is gonna be? I have to say I preferred the old one."

Ahh, a little late for that, Rowle, isn't it? I love, love what you did with Gamp. So incredibly dark and disturbing and cool! And the great part was that I had no idea it was coming. Fantastic. I also enjoyed the little bit where Tenebra is figuring out the runes. We know they do it all the time, but I think that's the first time I've read a scene like that in fanfiction. Or maybe I'm not reading the right stories... :)

I love the part in the stories where the subplots start to weave together and make everything we thought we knew into a complete unknown again.

Ron and the BMW... hee hee! Mr. Pix had a Porche once. That's all I'm gonna say.

I really had fun reading how Hermys was trying to explain things to Harry and Ron about Percy. I think you did another fantastic job with the dialogue there, as well as the subtext. (It's not often that I get to talk about subtext in a review!)

That was a nice opportunity for Hermione to discover her issue with the wheelchair. I'm sure there's more healing to be done, but at least she has made a start.

pix

Author's Response: Hello, again!

Sorry this took me so long to respond to. I wish I could crack the mystery of getting the Respond link to work in my phone's browser.

You are correct. Rowle and company have realized much too late that they are now trapped in Lady Tenabra's would-be revolution. Gamp is her principal enforcer, because he's completely amoral, sadistic and insane. I'm glad you liked my ideas about runes. That's how they've always seemed to me, anyway.

Ron just seemed like a BMW kind of guy to me, especially one of those late-model varieties that are all boxy and tank-like. I would have considered making it a diesel if the story wasn't set so far in the future. Was Mr. Pix's Porsche in any way related to your decision to become Mrs. Pix? ;)

Hermys is trying to warn them about something that elves are able to perceive, but he just doesn't have the vocabulary. At least he's putting Ron and Harry on notice that something is wrong.

The first step to getting better is figuring out what the problem is, and Hermione finally got over that hurdle in this chapter. She still has a long way to go, however.

Thanks so much for the unexpected review and I apologize again for taking so long to respond!


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Review #10, by Jchrissy 

31st May 2012:
Hermione's revelation is so sad but so well written!! Your lady T has to be some kind of connection to voldemort. There is no way she can have such a non excistant heart and not be part of him.

This chapter finally (almost) confirmed my Percy suspicions!! Yay for house elves! Every time we get close to an answer, twice as many questions pop up. The fake memory is such a twist, did Percy actually kill him? Did he get help with the memory or it happen unknowingly?? How long had someone possible been messing with his mind?! Ahh I can't read fast enough!

I did spot something I can finally be helpful on:
"She focused on on particular passage about the state of oneness." first of all the entire theory of this is creepy byeond belief. That's a good thing, in my opinion ;). The error is, I think you put an extra 'on' where a 'the' should be :)
Again, sorry for any weird type o's; I'm still IPhone-ing it.

Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked Hermione's big reveal. I always assumed that a character as straight-laced as Hermione had some darker moments in her past. It dovetailed nicely with her mental hang-up regarding wheelchairs, so I went with it.

Yes, Percy has been messed with, and it isn't over yet. But many questions still remain. Much will be revealed over the next 3 chapters or so.

Thanks for pointing out that typo. I'll get it patched up.

I do really appreciate all the effort you're putting into this, especially considering that you're reviewing it all with your thumbs. That's dedication! Thanks!


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Review #11, by shadowcat2 

29th April 2012:
When you mentioned how Hermy thought that Percy wasn't alone I had a feeling that the Lady was probably controlling him. Well, it was partially true. The "cripple" thing. I had a feeling it had something to do with Hermione childhood, especially since you mentioned a little girl. Anyway, the plot is getting more and more amazing. I have no idea what's going on. But I am loving it.
Moving on to the next chapter now. Oh i forgot. Thank you for writing such a brilliant story. I can imagine the time and effort it took to write something like this. For that, I would like to thank you as a reader. That reminds me, I forgot to add this story to my favourites. :)

Author's Response: House elves are very perceptive. They can see and feel things about people that are beyond the range of a wizard's senses. That's all I'll say about that.

Hermione's childhood memory has been one of the things impeding her recovery. Now that she's starting to come to terms with it, she can really begin to heal psychologically.

I really appreciate all of your compliments, and I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story. You're welcome, and thank you so much for reading and leaving all of your thoughts!


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Review #12, by Elenia 

9th April 2012:
Hello again!

Such an amazing chapter! I'm in awe as always, give me a moment to gather my thoughts (x

Okay, let's see. The beginning with Lady Tenebra was interesting! She's been controlling Gamp the whole time? Didn't see that one coming! I loved how you described the whole scene and Tenebra's exhaustion. That was something really clever I think, as was the part about the runes. I liked the fact that she was struggling with them a bit, shows that even though she's the villainess, she's still human too and has her weaknesses.

Loved the sling made from the bed sheets and that whole part, it was entertaining. So many Harry's (and Ron's too) traits were shown in that scene, once again you've outdone yourself with the characterization of the canons. That makes this such a great story, because the characters are just as we know them, you manage to keep them so true to their character that it's unbelievable! How do you do it? Did you study a lot before starting to write this?

Oh and again about the house-elves. You've done such a brilliant job on them!

Yey, some more Percy! That's probably one of the things I'm the most anxious to find out. What will happen with him? I know you won't answer me and that I'll find it out in the later chapters, but just wanted to mention that d:

Then the ending! I was expecting something like that to be found from his memory, but again, the way you've described it was just perfect. The little details you pay attention to, that's just amazing.

Now I'm interested in finding out who this French lady is. It's so cool (and so frustrating too) that you manage to raise more questions with every chapter and give me something to be anxious about. I seriously need a timeturner now so I'll have more time to read the rest of this marvellous story ^^

The ending about Hermione's memory was very touchy. It was so brave of her to show such a personal memory to Harry and Ron and that way finally manage to beat at least some of her problems with the wheelchair! That all was written so beautifully and had so much thought in it. Well done!

That's all from me this time, you'll probably hear from me again tomorrow (x

Take care!

~E

Author's Response: Hey, you! Nice to see you again.

So she hasn't been controlling Gamp the entire time. He's basically become a test subject for the dark magic that she wants to use to take over the minds of other people. But he's also completely insane, so she ultimately decides that he's not a good choice. But she still finds him very useful for inspiring fear in her minions. Much more on this to come.

Harry will do almost anything to get out of the hospital. And Ron is a very over-protective friend at times, but he manages to be that way without violating any of the "guy rules," so it's cool. I wouldn't say that I studied, per se, but I do go back and re-read certain passages to HBP and DH from time to time. Honestly, for the characters at this age, those are the only books that are really relevant. Up through GoF, they were basically kids and they were angsty teenagers for OoTP.

I've enjoyed incorporating the house elves. They're such wonderfully noble, loving creatures, at least the ones in this story.

Percy is struggling with a lot of issues, some self-inflicted and some not. He did the right thing at the end of the last chapter, but it was clearly a struggle. Now he's even less sure of himself.

Memories, for me, are all about little details. If you go back and read The Prince's Tale from DH or watch it in the movie, it's the tiny, little things that make it come alive. I've tried really hard to capture that spirit.

You'll find out all you want to know about the French lady two chapters from now. She's a real pistol. I think you'll like her, although perhaps not right away.

And Hermione's traumatic memory is part of a plot line that I've been working on ever since she was in the hospital right after the attack on the Ministry. Her story will come full circle somewhere around chapter 34 or 35. Stay tuned...

I really hope your new chapter validates soon. Can't wait!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by ginerva_molly_weasley 

12th February 2012:
Hey :D

Here's a winner's review from the reviewing competition.

It feels so long since I'd last reviewed this story and I'd almost forgotten the quality of the writing!

I really liked the way you threw us straight back into the action again with the torture of the people by Lady Tenabra. I'm intrigued to see actually what her final plan is because she's using all the people of the new blood order as little pawns. I'd like to see how she is controlling Gamp and if she'd be able to control them all for her bidding.

I also like the way that they use a doppelganger for Harry as he is so important and people are trying to murder him. It makes sense that he would have the highest possible security but you also show how Harry's nature about saving other people hasn't really changed throughout the years.

It's an interesting twist though you making the memory false and I'm really interested to see what actually happens!

Author's Response: Hi, there! Very nice to have you back again.

Lady Tenabra has discovered some very old, very powerful and very dangerous magic which she was trying to use to control Gamp. As you can tell, she was less than completely successful.

Ron is quite the tactician, and he read the situation just right. I'm glad you thought that Harry's reaction was correct for him. I really couldn't imagine him reacting any differently.

And the false memory is a big deal for many chapters to come.

Thanks so much for putting on a great contest, and thanks for the review!


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Review #14, by Ashling586 

22nd January 2012:
Another wonderful chapter. I thought it was quite funny that they ended up putting Harry into the mental ward when he kept trying to leave early. I would bet that the healers dread seeing him as the years went by because it is obvious that Harry makes a terrible patient. With each new chapter I am starting to like Susan's character more and more. I thought the idea of the Fake memory was brilliant. It adds a great amount of mystery to the story especially for a reader like me, who loves to try and figure out the clues before the characters can. The idea of the minds having to merge, now that can have some potentially dangerous situations pop up and I am excited to see where that is going to go.

Author's Response: Hello, again!

So just to clarify, the healer only threatened Harry with the mental ward. But otherwise, you were pretty spot on in your analysis.

I really enjoy writing Susan. She's a great voice of wisdom and moderation. Very Hufflepuff-like.

Fake memories are something that I find very intriguing, because you can take them a lot of places as a plot device. Pensieves in general are so intriguing to me. One of JKR's greatest inventions.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #15, by Remus 

16th January 2012:
Hey! So sorry it has taken me AGES to read your chapter and reviewing it!

Anyway...on with the review!

Tenebra's section was definitely a very interesting read. That small section gave us a whole new view of what she's doing...and yet it brings more questions into play. HOW is she controlling the people and WHY exactly...Kinda creepy, honsestly, about her being able to control Gamp yet very well thought out from your part. Also, a glimpse into that book of hers was intriguing.

Ron and Harry's section totally made me laugh. I absolutely love how you've kept these two well into character and able to develop them as the story goes. However, that said...I'm not sure they have "matured" enough considering that they're suppose to be in their 60s. Everyone seemed that they've matured not only in your story but since they have graduated but the trio.That's just me though, I could be totally off.

On the Trio going into the memory...there were two things I absolutely LOVED that if I were to ever do it..I might use one of them! First of, I liked how you kept Hermione's "self-preservation" In fact I actually thought about when they were getting ready to go into the pensive and it and excited to see that you DID go through with, as Harry calls it "perceived self image". My second favorite idea and one I would do IF I were to use a Pensive in my stories for a 'criminal investigation' was the whole fast forward, rewind and pause. That was a very unique idea. I pictured a whole CSI/Iron Man moment right there.

Lastly, I'm super glad you gave us a glimpse as to WHY Hermione seems to go into panic mode every time she attempted the chair. This memory of her really explains her fears in a way as a reader we saw a bit OOC with her at the beginning.

Anyway, I suppose this is it...not really much of a CC considering that I really don't see anything wrong with your fic. I do have one small complain though...: MALFOY IS MISSING! >_> Your Malfoy/Astoria always cracked me up, hahaha! Perhaps I'll see more of him considering I'm still 2 chapters behind.

--Perelandra

P.S. I thought you were a DW fan because of the names. Tennant was the name of the actor who played the 10th Doctor and was Scottish. And right now in the present series he has a companion named Rory. XD

Author's Response: Hello again! Nice to see you back.

I'm glad you found the peek inside Lady Tenabra's book enlightening. She is performing some fair nasty magic, isn't she? Doesn't bode well for our heroes.

You know, I always tend to err on the side of writing Ron and Harry closer to their DH characterization rather than farther. Sometimes, I guess it seems as though they haven't aged as much as they should. Point taken.

If you ever write a fic with pensieve scenes, be sure to PM me. I love the whole idea. There's so many interesting things you can do with it. I'm glad that you liked my ideas.

And yes, there is a lot more of Draco and Astoria in the future. I find them so much fun to write.

P.S. - I guess the names were pure, random chance. I actually took both of them off of a list of Scottish given names and surnames I found on Google. Providence? Maybe. ;-)


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Review #16, by Beeezie 

24th December 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, finally here with your review! (I swear I'm going to get back to being like myself again after the holidays and stop making all of you wait so long. Hopefully I'm still leaving decent enough reviews that they're worth the wait!)

Can I just say, wow. You are really moving the plot along at this point, and I'm absolutely loving the intrigue you're introducing!

Section 1: Lady Tenabra & Gamp
I loved this section, and honestly have no complaints about it, only praise. You answered several questions I didn't even know I had in this section and raised about a million more. The idea that she was controlling Gamp and the difficulty she's experiencing (and why) is absolutely genius. I also loved the addition of the runes and her trouble translating them, and am getting more and more intrigued about what her motivation is.

Amazing job on this one.


Section 2: Harry
You showed how much Harry hated being in St. Mungo's without simply telling us that he did - I particularly liked the sling made out of bedsheets. I also liked the way you described their plan to get Harry home safely. I thought that it flowed nicely and fit in beautifully with the narrative rather than being tedious, and it also showed real forethought and planning on Ron's part (and by extension, yours :P). The little details like catching Harry in the floo network were excellent.

I only had one minor problem with it all, which was this: while I do like the way you've included some of Harry and Ron's old yearmates in the Auror department and while their presence works well in most areas, I had to question it here. It seemed a little like you were using Justin, Susan, and Terry for the sake of having canon characters to use, and at this point I would have liked to see more OCs in the Auror department who Harry trusts and relies upon.

I don't have an issue with the inclusion of any of the three in particular (though I think Terry is the most realistic). However, I did have an issue with the fact that both Aurors assigned to guard Harry happened to be in his year at school. The chances of that aren't especially high, and more importantly, they're all fairly old. Yes, they can still fight, but seriously, Auror office, you think that the best people to defend a 70-year old are three other 70-year olds? You don't want to throw in someone who's younger and who might observe different things? It just didn't make sense to me. I did like the way you dealt with Terry getting attacked, and the way they updated Harry - I just would have preferred to see an OC in there.

I also found it odd that you said that Ron pulled into the driveway. I never pictured Grimmauld Place as having a driveway - there was no reason for it to be built with one, given that it pretty clearly predates widespread use of automobiles, and I don't see how one could have been added in later. It was described as a row house, and in general, row houses don't have driveways, nor do houses in cities. There are obviously exceptions to the latter rule, but I don't think that I have ever seen row houses with driveways. It's just not done, because row houses are a mostly city-thing designed to save space. Adding in a driveway defeats that purpose.

(Sorry. I'm a lifelong city girl, and have never lived in anything but row houses/flat buildings, so that bugged.)

I did like Hermys, and the way you portrayed the elf magic. On the whole, I really did like this section, there was just that little bit that bothered me.


Section 3: Percy
I like the fact that you're starting to allude to what exactly is going on with Percy, and how you've begun to set the groundwork that Arabela is not what she appears. Now I'm even more curious about Tenabra. Argh need to know. (Which means nice job. :P) I don't have much more to say about this section, because it is fairly short, but I also think that it's incredibly important.


Section 4: Harry
This was probably my favorite section of the chapter. The way you wove in the idea that your appearance in a memory is your idea of yourself was really interesting, and the way Harry handled the revelation in a distinctly untactful manner worked really well. The revelation was also really important, and raised about a million questions for me. (Namely, what really happened? Which I'd been wondering, but I thought that we were about to find out! Then your spring this on us. It's cruel. And awesome.) You did a really great job with the entire memory, and I was very excited to see it because I love Pensieves.

I did, however, have an issue with the way Harry talked about being hesitant to ask the French Auror for help because it's awkward. I usually feel like you've done a good job at portraying the amount of time that has passed, but occasionally you fall a little short to me. This was one of those times. It's been, what? 45 years? since Harry worked with this Auror on the case. Presumably, she got over it a long time ago, whatever she was hoping. I don't think I know anyone who holds a grudge for that long.

It's also a little out-of-the-blue to look someone up after 40 years and say, "Hey, I need your help." If you'd mentioned more recent correspondence/communication - maybe after Ginny's death, or shortly before - his feeling that it's awkward would make much more sense, but as is, it feels like it doesn't fit with your established timeline.

I'm glad that you explained Hermione's aversion to the wheelchair. I still have a hard time believing that an isolated incident that occurred 60+ years ago would still have such a profound effect on her recovery process, but that's just me.


On the whole, another good chapter! I'm really interested to see where this goes! :)

Author's Response: Hello, again.

I think we all hope to pull it together after the holidays. Writing these last few chapters has been brutal, trying to balance it against shopping and holiday parties and everything else that goes along with the season.

I think you called it a while back, but, yes, Gamp is truly insane. Hence, he presents a real challenge for the mind control magic Tenabra is trying to perfect. More on that in upcoming chapters.

My theory on the makeup of the Auror teams protecting Harry is that Ron, left to his own devices as he was, is going to go with people that he trusts unconditionally. That would be the people he knows best. Beyond trying to reverse-engineer the psychology of my characters, I'm also a bit worried about the number of non-canon characters I've had to invent -- I think it stands somewhere around 8 at this point if you exclude the completely marginal ones -- and whether I'm going to overwhelm my readers with trying to remember them all. The fact that the story is being told in a serialized fashion, with updates every 10 days to 2 weeks or so, makes me even more nervous. So that's where I'm coming from, anyway.

Ah, the driveway at Grimmauld Place. I had exactly the same anxiety. But here's my issue. Two issues, actually: 1 - they were traveling by car. Car needs to go somewhere. 2 - I needed something for Justin and Susan to do while Ron and Harry were talking. It didn't seem right for them to jump out of the car and start casting spells on a sidewalk. Anyway, compromises, compromises...

Memory magic is something that always fascinated me in the books, so I made up my mind to use it and experiment with it and have fun with it in my story. As for what really happened to Edwin Stoops, that will play out over the next few chapters.

Harry's reluctance to talk to the French Auror is explained in the chapter that's currently sitting in the validation queue. Remember that conversation we were having about TA status? Ha!

Anyway, I hope I don't come off like I'm arguing every point with you in my responses. You really challenge me to justify my own choices, and a lot of what you're reading is my own inner dialog as I try to do just that. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Oh, well.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Have a great holiday and a terrific new year!


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Review #17, by Roots in Water 

11th December 2011:
It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry for the delay.

Oh- I certainly hadn't expected Hermione's awful memory to be something like that. It was powerful and I felt terrible for both the veteran and Hermione- no wonder she still feels badly even all these years later. I would too. And it explains why she would have so much trouble being in a wheelchair herself... Hopefully now that she's watched the memory she can become comfortable in a wheelchair, though it certainly won't be easy.

And the mystery and darkness around Lady Tenebra deepens... Percy might actually not have been the one to kill Edwin Stoops? It might have all been orchestrated by Lady Tenebra? How far back and deep do her manipulations go, I wonder. And poor Percy. I wonder what Harry will find out from the French Auror (and how the French Auror will respond when she realizes that his wife is dead)- why exactly was the memory manipulated?

And Lady Tenebra certainly treats her followers roughly. She doesn't see them as people, only as tools for her own ends, and willingly tortures them for mistakes. Granted, what she is attempting to accomplish is very serious and could be ruined if she is discovered and captured before the end of her plan.

And mind control... Very interesting. Who is the main target of her plan, the centerpiece of her plan? Harry? But it would make more sense to be Percy, since she said that she already knew his mind quite well and we know that at least one of his memories has been tampered with. Or it could be someone that hasn't yet been introduced in the story...

As well, I love that line "So sorry- my leash must have slipped"- it shows such power and a dark sense of humour. I wouldn't want to cross Lady Tenebra.

You're certainly doing an excellent job of weaving a story that just gets better and better! You keep adding more plot twists and just when the reader thinks that they have it all figured out you introduce a new one.

You're doing a great job of developping your characters and keeping them in character as the story progresses. And as for the story itself, it's progressing in a way that's just right for keeping reader interest. I'm so interested in the next chapter... Where will it go from here?

I really enjoyed this chapter and I hope my comments are helpful. Thanks so much for requesting and please do request for the next chapter. I don't want to forget about this story!

Author's Response: Hello, again!

Poor Hermione. Her past is certainly complicating her recovery, but she made an important step in this chapter.

Percy is caught up in something far larger than he realizes. As time goes on, his story is tightly intertwined with the overall plot. That's all I can say at this point...

Lady Tenabra is so much fun to write. She's smart and cultured and methodical and devious and completely devoid of compassion. She's the anti-Harry. And you're right, she truly doesn't care one bit about her "followers". Wonder why?

I'm so glad to hear that the plot and the characterizations are working for you. Above all else, those are the things that are important: telling a story that's compelling and keeping the characters believable.

I will definitely be re-requesting, but you can always add the story to your favorites. ;-)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I'm really looking forward to your conclusion to Cracks in the Pavement! (15+)


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Review #18, by Me (again) 

10th December 2011:
I think this is seriously what would have happened after the series. Except that more people that Harry cares about would be dead, but that would just make me sad. And I think it is seriously amazing :). And I can't wait to read your next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind words. I love anonymous, positive reviews. It makes me feel like I'm connecting with people beyond the HPFF author community.

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Review #19, by Me 

10th December 2011:
This story is amazing! I love it. I can't wait to see what happens :)
One of Harry's most outstanding characteristics is his will to live. You took that out of the equation. You need to be more specific about why Ginny's loss is so much more devastating than Serious's or his parent's. I understand that it is more devastating, but not to this degree. Other than that, I love the way you allowed him to age and maintain friendships with everyone. I especially love his relationship with Draco. I would have expected him to meet some new people but the way you developed his relationships with the old ones is great.

Author's Response: Yay! I love anonymous reviews that aren't horribly-written flames!

My personal take is that Harry has struggled a lot since Ginny's death. He feels the need to be strong for his family and for his friends, but not necessary for himself. As to the difference between his bonds with Sirius or his parents, he knew Sirius for only a short time and he never really knew his parents. He was married to Ginny for around 40 years. So I think her death tore a much bigger piece out of his heart.

I could certainly have invented more original characters for this, but the question as an author is "why?". There are already so many great ones to work with. I'm sure Harry has made other friends over the years, but they're just not the focus.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #20, by sophie_hatter 

9th December 2011:
Ooh, Tenabra is marvellous in this chapter! I loved the insight into Herodonthus, too.

Harry was so true to type in the hospital/car journey scenes, but Susan was superb. She's my newest heroine:-) And I thought the reference to Neville's suspicions about the cloak was spot on.

Hermys was very well written - curious and interesting.

The description of Ron, Harry and Hermione moving about in the memory were great. I loved how they moved backwards and forwards though it, and I was pleased that Ron was driving. And the concept of Advanced Memory Training is a great one.

And I thought that you nailed Hermione's emotion in the end - when she cries and shouts it's just perfect, as is Ron's reaction to her. Good job:-)

Author's Response: The end of the road, for now...

Tenabra is a very complex, involved villain. I think of her as being a lot like Dr. Moriarity of Sherlock Holmes fame: intelligent, sophisticated, well-read, completely justified in her own mind and utterly devoid of qualms about what she's doing.

The elves have many interesting powers of insight. Hopefully the information will serve Harry and Ron well.

Memories were one of the greatest concepts that JKR came up with. The Prince's Tale in Deathly Hallows was a mesmerizing read. So many questions answered. I was very happy to be able to use the idea in at least a small way.

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #21, by CloakAuror9 

6th December 2011:
A quick apology for taking sometime to give this review...

Moving on...

I'm having a hard time with Percy as this story goes on...Lately its just been hard to figure him out. At the start, I half-knew that he would be a little bit evil and all that but I didn't guess that you would make his character so deep and now you got my brain in a twist! But don't go thinking it's your fault or whatever. It's just me!

Also, Lady Tenabra keeps me an extra whole lot interested in this story! I really enjoy reading about her! I hope you're having extra fun writing about her!

And so far the plot is going really interesting and I'm really hoping for the next chapter to clear if not all, at least some the mysteries we've passed along the few chapters!

Overall, great job and this story is such a fantastic one!

You're awesome,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: No worries. Always happy to see you come back for another review.

Percy will have a lot of twists and turns as the story moves along. He's caught up in something much bigger than he realizes, and sadly for him, he's not being used in a nice way. But I think it will all come together nicely in the end.

Tenabra is getting more and more fun to write. She is twisted and ruthless and devoid of conscience - the anti-Harry. But she's also well-read, sophisticated, intelligent and refined. I picture her as almost a Moriarity-type villain.

The next chapter might clear up a thing or two, but we still have a ways to go before we get to what I hope is a satisfying conclusion.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #22, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

5th December 2011:
BAH! Where do I start? Okay, okay! So, I was caught off guard with the beginning right. And I was like well it's been a few days since I read the last chapter and I've been writing a paper for my African American History course nonstop once I finished reviewing and reading these chapters so at first I was like 'WHAT, DID I MISS A CHAPTER?' But then once I finished with the beginning I caught on but I was still like 'Woah! That beginning!'

Anyway! I really liked this line:

"So sorry," she said sarcastically. "My leash must have slipped."

Because it made me laugh which is always good! BUT my favorite part of this chapter had to be Hermys because I think I understand what's going on and what might happen but I won't make a guess because I'm usually wrong on the big stuff. I really liked how you explained but didn't explain the magical aspects of the elves. You gave us insight and yet you didn't which you seem to do so I'm biting my nails going 'What is he talking about!'

And then the memory was altered? Well, I can just imagine what Percy's reaction is going to be like when he finds out! But are they going to tell him? I feel like Percy might be slightly...evil? I use the term loosely, like there is actually something inside of him even though it's 'around' him or near him like Hermys said so I don't know. I don't think I trust Percy in this story entirely. I mean I know he's good but I feel like the way you portray him he's going through some deep things that could potentially make him a bad guy.

Well, sorry about my rambling review! Update whenever you can!

Author's Response: You were just waiting to jump on this, weren't you. :-P

Lady Tenabra just gets more and more fun to write. She's the personification of viciousness and cynicism and unbridled self-interest. She's basically the anti-Harry.

Percy's situation, if you can believe it, is even more complicated than it seems. He's not good, he's not evil, and he's caught in the middle of something that's much bigger than he realizes. All will become clear soon enough...

Thank you for reading and reviewing, rambling or not. Next update is being written, and realistically is a week to 10 days away.


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