27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mysuv1 

5th February 2016:
not sure if i like where it is going

Author's Response: Eh, give it a chance. There are lots of twists and turns, so you might suddenly find the story heading in a direction you like better.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #2, by GingeredTea 

27th January 2015:
I couldn't wait. :)

This stood out to me: "One thing she had discovered about these aristocratic pure blood types was that punctuality was not a virtue in their eyes." - the fact that she would need to discover this fact and refers to them as "types" translates to me to mean that she ISN'T one of them. Maybe even as far as Muggleborn.

This was also interesting: "Refining and targeting her message would be key to drawing more of the pure blood families into the fold." because it feels like the message doesn't resonate with her as much as she is using it as a tool. I think I said this in an earlier review too. I feel like she's just using Voldemort as a symbol - as a well-liked brand-name or something.

Oh my, the idea that this Minister is worse than Fudge leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth...

It seems as though Hermione might be identifying what is really causing her to pander in her recovery. I'm glad for that, because she really needs to be there for Ron and Harry!

From Harry's eagerness to be part of excited first years and their wonder at their own magic, to his willful and determined attitude to help a student excel who is willing to make the effort - it all just rang true to me as Harry from the books - matured and more experienced, but the same man.

That attack caught me off guard! You did a great job on the attack scene though! I was on the edge of my chair the whole time. You're really going rough on Harry, aren't you? I'm surprised he didn't black out on the grounds out of stubbornness!

"Each time Ron prepared to open his mouth, he tried to imagine every word as part of a press release." - this made me laugh!! That seems like something that would be terribly difficult for Ron to do and would definitely end in a headache.

You're Percy is so dark and conflicted. I think Percy has always sort of been that way, but we never really got to know much about what went on in his head. Of course, your Percy has many more issues than Cannon Percy did... I'm glad he made the right decision. I'm sure he's terrified he killed the wrong man...

Author's Response: Hi!

You are correct to suspect everything about Lady Tenabra. Her background. Her ideals. Her motivations. Nothing is what it seems with her. She does understand the power of Voldemort's "brand" and she's making the most of it. As the story goes on, you'll see a lot more branding from her.

Hermione is about to make a big breakthrough. I'm glad you can sort of sense it coming. I tried to foreshadow it just enough in this chapter.

I'm really, really pleased to hear that you thought Harry's character rang true. That was more important to me than just about anything else. This is, first and foremost, a story about Harry.

The attack caught Harry off guard, as well. Good thing he had some help close by. You're right, he's very stubborn when it comes to pursuing dark wizards. Again, it's a good thing that Neville was there to make him listen to his injured body.

Poor Ron. He gets a rare opportunity to shine and it has to be under the worst possible circumstances. You're right, he's not good at censoring himself.

I like what you're thinking about Percy, I would just suggest that you withhold any judgments until the end. There's a lot going on with Percy...

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #3, by Veritaserum27 

18th January 2015:
Hi there Dan!

Here for our review swap. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this - you know how RL gets some times :(

Wow! This chapter was just jam-packed with loads of information, juicy tidbits and so much drama and action. I'm still reeling.

Lady Tenabra seems more and more dangerous with every chapter. I still can't quite figure what her motive is or who she really is, but I fear her more because of that. For some reason, this line really caught me:

Perhaps lack of vision was a hereditary trait.

I'm not exactly sure why, but it's almost like she's counting on their prejudices and ignorance to mount more of an army. I also think it's brilliant (and completely psycho) that she's slowly eliminating her narrow, inner circle. That will create a group of followers that don't know as much about her, and are willing to follow more out of fear. I am still wondering several things, like why does she need more followers - what does she have planned? Hmmm...

I really like the Hassie character. I think she is helping Hermione along the way to healing. I noticed the strange voice from a few chapters back, but I'm glad that Hermione is questioning it now. It reminds me of how Harry could hear his Mum's screams whenever the dementors came near.

It appears that Lady Tenabra's timing is impeccable. She's got a Minister of Magic who is a weakling at heart and is slowly taking out the strong members of the Ministry so that she can make her move. I can sympathize with Hermione's ire at the suggested reversal of some of the laws that she worked so hard to pass.

Yay! Harry back at Hogwarts. He seems to really feel a connection with the students. I can tell he takes pride in working with each one - and he sees them as individuals - unlike Professor Tennant. And he's still the same old Harry - noble to a fault.

Holy cow! I was taken aback by all of this action! It's a good thing those students were there - and that they are so good at thinking on their feet! I think they saved Harry's tail there. He was clearly out numbered and out maneuvered at the gates. I love "bossy" Neville. He only brings it when it's absolutely necessary, but it's awesome. Great fight scene, by the way. It was written really well.

The scene with Harry and Lily at the hospital was heartbreaking - and I hope Harry got her message loud and clear - his family needs him. Maybe it isn't enough for him to feel an obligation to the Wizarding world, but I think that Lily's message might hit home a bit more. Family is everything to Harry.

I think you also got Ron and Percy spot on as well. Ron is reveling in the moment of acting Head Auror, but at the same time, a tiny bit grateful that he doesn't have to do it every day! And Percy is still stubborn and pig headed, but as usual, comes to his senses a bit late and tries to do his best to rectify the situation.

I didn't catch any typos in this chapter, but I realized that there was one in the previous one that I forgot to mention - sorry! It was in this line:

Two children robe by on bicycles and Harry thought that they appeared to be around the same age as his youngest grandchildren.

I think you meant "rode."

Awesome chapter! The story is really heating up!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi, Beth! You're really getting into the meat of the story now. Lots of things start happening quickly over the next four chapters.

This chapter was heavy on information. I'd spent so many chapters layering mystery on top of mystery. It was time to supply an answer or two.

It's never wise to assume that you know too much about Lady Tenabra's motivations. As you can see, she has no particular love for the old pureblood families. Everyone is a means to an end to her. And when they outlive their usefulness, she's not much on leaving loose ends lying about.

When I dreamed up Hassie, I was really hoping that I could find ways to use her again later in the story. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way. It bums me out a little, because she had a good back story. You're getting warmer and warmer with Hermione's condition...

I love writing Harry at Hogwarts. It was one of the most rewarding parts of doing this.

The New Blood Order brought the fight to Harry in this chapter. They would have succeeded if not for the students, too. "Bossy" Neville was a joy to write. You'll see that Neville again later in the story.

Harry hears the message from his daughter, but you know Harry. How well the message "sticks" will depend very much on the situation. He'll never stop trying to save everyone.

Thanks for the typo! I'll go back and get that cleaned up.

I'm really pleased that you're enjoying it! Thanks for the swap and thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #4, by mischiefalwaysmanaged 

2nd June 2014:
I know that you've long since finished this story, but my enjoyment of the novel (mingled with my fear of being reincarnated as a squirrel :) ) has compelled me to leave this review. Great work! As always with your stories, I'm eager to see how it plays out. you're shaping up to be my favorite author on this site!

Author's Response: Ha! Nobody wants to end up as a squirrel. I'm very pleased that you chose the safe path. ;)

I'm really glad that you're enjoying it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reactions!

 Report Review

Review #5, by angelina-l 

19th January 2014:
i don't wanna be a squirrel! as an ex-pat Scot, i love reading the dialect of home, especially when it is written well and in context! i have really enjoyed reading this story so far, the characters may have aged in your story, but they are all still very recognisable as the young heroes we worshipped way back when. looking forward to the rest of the story. many thanks x

Author's Response: You know, with the benefit of perfect hindsight, I really should have put the warning about being a squirrel at the end of more chapters. I think it would have drastically improved my review count.

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm really pleased that you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Peggy77 

24th November 2013:
Well, I certainly don't want to be turned into a squirrel! ;). I am enjoying your story and am glad you wanted to share it with others.

My guess, since Hermione is going to look up names of her primary school classmates, is that the first time she ever saw anyone in a wheelchair was at school and some classmate yelled "cripple" which affected her greatly. She (knowing how empathetic she is towards others) probably felt anguish and embarrassment for the person in the wheelchair and found herself hoping she would never be in that position herself. Now that she is, the old memory, along with the negative feelings, is resurfacing.

What the 'he double toothpicks' is wrong with Percy?!! He's acting almost like he's only partially in control of his own mind! He's pretty old to suddenly be showing signs of schizophrenia, but that's almost how he's acting. I'd think he's being imperiused, yet not completely...plus, you would think his close friends/family would be able to tell.

I felt so sad for Harry when he realized that it was his daughter instead of Ginny. :(

Well, back to the story now.

Author's Response: I don't think I can *actually* turn you into a squirrel, but I was really pleased with the reaction that tiny little author's note received.

You're onto something with Hermione. I probably shouldn't say any more at this point, so as not to ruin the surprise. But you're onto something... ;)

Percy is... confused. Not in a good place. Not himself. Again, I probably shouldn't say any more at this point.

I love your theories on everything! It gives me a good feeling that I've included enough information without including too much. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #7, by APerkins 

23rd October 2013:
Hey I feel bad for swamping you with reviews but I just cant seem to help myself.
As you said, (or at least as I hope you still mean) there are worse problems than being smothered with reviews, right?

..yeah.. Well

Anyway, im actually going to offer some cc here.. aware again that this story is inactive and may not be relevant.
I think you have used the word ostensibly when you may have meant overtly.

If you had written "she stared at each one of the ostensibly to look into their souls but really just to frighten the life out of them", the sentence would have made sense, but from the context her actually motivation was to study each of them- which has no hidden meaning, and overtly is probably more appropriate.

I love the way your story has so many complex layers. It just keeps getting deepee and deeper.
In that last chapter, where it turns out there is a reason hermione has a mental block.
Here, where the ministry is weak and willing to give into pressure. I see that for of thing oversimplified to make it easy to understand but by keeping the complexity you make it real.
This is great. :);

Author's Response: First off, you should never, ever feel badly about leaving somebody a review. As a reader, it's far and away the kindest thing we can do, I think. If this is what being smothered is like, I don't wanna breathe! Also, I really appreciate constructive criticism, no matter how long a story has been posted. You can always make something better!

As far as the line you pointed out, the idea is that she's "ostensibly" making eye contact the wizards in the group while she's actually keeping an eye on the one that she suspects is an Auror. Reading that passage again, I definitely could have made that clearer.

I tried really hard to let my imagination run with the characters and give adequate time to all of the little subplots that popped up along the way. I definitely left a few dangling here and there. That's why chapter 40 ended up being 11,000 words long. I tried to tidy up some of the most interesting ones.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #8, by Courtney Dark 

23rd July 2013:
I seem to be having extraordinarily bad luck today! I'd just written out an extremely long review (okay, it wasn't that long, but that's not the point) when my cat decided to come and walk across my keyboard, exiting the page! Grrr!

Anyway, that out of my system, this was a very intriguing chapter. Lady T is extremely sly, isn't she? She's clever in a way the Voldemort wasn't, though I don't know how to describe it. Maybe it's more a woman's sort of clever, if that makes any sense?

Hmm, I wonder what Hermione's idea was? I'm looking forward to finding out...I think.

I enjoyed the scenes from Harry's point of view - not only because it was nice to see a bit more of the grand kids, but because that attack was intense! I have yet MORE questions, but for now I'm just relieved that Harry is going to recover. I just felt like giving him a big hug when he woke up in St Mungos though:( Poor Harry!

Good on you Perce! I'm glad he decided to give Harry and Ron the memory, although I have this horrible feeling it will never make it there - or somehow something will go terribly wrong. But I really hope I'm wrong about this!

Great chapter!

Author's Response: This is me, finally catching up on review responses. :)

Cats and computers are natural enemies. I make sure to keep mine far from one another when possible.

Lady Tenabra and Voldemort actually don't have much in common, aside from their complete lack of empathy for anyone who becomes expendable or, worse still, an obstacle. She's much more subtle and far less of a megalomaniac. She'd be perfectly content ruling from the shadows.

Hermione's idea will be revealed shortly. Suffice it to say, it's a good one.

Another fight scene! They're my favorites to write, so I'm really glad you liked it. He will make a complete recovery, although, as usual, things will be a bit harrier than that.

Percy has these moments of clarity where he realizes what he needs to do and can't, for the life of him, understand why he isn't doing it already. The memory is in good hands now. I feel pretty confident it will make its way into Harry and Ron's hands. ;)

Thanks so much for all of these awesome reviews! Let's see if I can get one more response cranked out before it's time to leave work and go home...

 Report Review

Review #9, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 

21st June 2013:
Hey Dan!

I wrote out this review then lost it! I'll try and remember everything I said though!

Lady T is getting more and more confident and kind of brilliant too. The way she delivers her speechs shows she's very clever and she always seems to have a back up back up plan just incase meaning she remains one step ahead of everyone. The way she did deliver her speech while also mentally refining it with their reactions really does make me feel she's in politics. You know my suspicions though and I know you won't spoil any surprises so I'll leave it there.

I really liked Hassie and the section with her and Hermione. The quote "It's not faith, dear, Faith is believing in something you cannot see. I've watched you for a long time. I know exactly what you're capable of." is really lovely anyway but worked particularly well here. I hope that Hermione can come to terms with it soon. She's realised about the voice though so I look forward to hearing the story behind that.

I have a bad feeling about Tennant. I don't know what it is but I feel we haven't heard the last from him. He seems pretty useless at his job (loved Ron's description by the way) and he clearly doesn't care much about the students. I loved Harry using Dumbledores quote! It really suited him and of course it worked perfectly in this situation.

I loved the few descriptions of James's children we got here. Victor being a bit of a ladies man and all. The way he used Harrys interruption to his advantage really had me laughing. I'm guessing Artie is with Luna's grandaughter then? That's really sweet!

The attack on the blood order shows how confident they are. I like the fact it gave the chance to show that the two students are capable of becoming Aurors some day. Neville was awesome here too, the way he talked down Harry when he was injured was just brilliant. The moment between Harry and Lily in the hospital was also really sweet. I hope we get to see more of their relationship.

Clearly there's something up with Percy. Not giving them the memory but then changing his mind. The voices in his head, at first I thought it was Lady T in his head as I really think he may be imperiused. The voice seemed to be going against what I'd have thought Lady T wanted though so I was wondering if this was maybe a lapse in her control on him? If that's the case though its good they got the memory! I still think I have a chance of being right though. I mean there's something not right with Percy and who has Percy been spending all his time with?

One final point is I loved the football fan as a character! True loyalty there!

Amazing chapter Dan!

Lauren :)

PS - I don't want to be a squirrel ;)

Author's Response: Ugh. I hate writing a long review and losing it. Horrible feeling.

Lady T is playing a lot of different angles in this story. It's hard to be sure what her exact motivations are. The one thing you can be sure of is that she's in it for herself. Other people are just pawns to her.

Hassie is, unfortunately, a one-shot character who's there to give Hermione a little shove in the right direction when she needs it. I modeled her loosely on my great-grandmother, who was a very kind lady who was nonetheless very blunt. It's a combination I wish I could master, especially when writing reviews. ;)

Tennant is another rogue personality in the story. He's also in this solely for himself. Keep an eye on him...

Harry's grandchildren will disappear from the story for a little while, but don't worry, they'll be back and they'll play a pretty significant role. You're correct about James's son and Luna's granddaughter.

The Blood Order has grown very bold. Attempting to assassinate the Head Auror in front of the gates of Hogwarts is a pretty big deal, after all. I'm glad you like the two students. I'd say they have a bright future. And I really enjoy every opportunity to work in Neville.

I would characterize the voices in Percy's head as his conscience trying to remind him of the right thing to do. Why is that necessary? Well, you're right, something is up with him. The memory he finally agrees to provide will prove quite valuable to Ron and Harry. The football fan was fun to include, although I needed *a lot* of help from my beta to make sure I had the particulars right.

I enjoy every one of your reviews so much! Thank you for sharing!

 Report Review

Review #10, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

1st February 2013:
As odd as it may sound, Lady Tenabra is my favorite villain in HPFF. She's smart and manipulative and leaves nothing to chance, right down to the Auror coming. She is good, she'll be hard to catch. Right now, I'm kinda doubting she ever will be, but I'll pretend she will because want Harry to have a somewhat happy ending. :)

I loved the interaction between Harry and Tennant, that he's willing to give Dennis a chance. Dumbledore's quote was a perfect comeback. :D

They attacked the school! The students! I'm glad they're okay. And that Lily was there to scold him, maybe knock a bit of sense in him. I don't want them to lose Harry either!

I hope Percy is doing the right thing, I'm glad he's giving Harry the memory.

This was another great chapter, loved it!


Author's Response: Hey, it's you again! So nice to see you back!

I really grew to enjoy writing Lady Tenabra by the time the story was complete. In my mind, she's a lot like Dr. Moriarty: cultured, brilliant and perceptive, but also completely ruthless and amoral in the extreme. People are simply tools to her. Means to an end.

I really liked giving Harry that line. It fits well on him, don't you think?

The Blood Order is growing far more bold. They're a danger to everyone now, as Lily correctly points out.

Percy does come to his senses, if only briefly. I wonder why? ;)

So glad you're still enjoying the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #11, by Illuminate 

3rd December 2012:
Hi! Sorry it's been a while!

And things keep picking up in speed. I like how you used foreshadowing earlier to detail how Harry's students would fight alongside him in this chapter. It was an exciting sequence, and I enjoyed reading it :) I hope Harry doesn't strain himself too quickly.

You know, I think your best characterisation is that of Percy. He's clearly dealing very badly with the loss of his sister, and I wonder how he will react when he learns he only killed the inadvertent killer of Ginny. I also liked how you linked his loyalty to that of a football supporter. My dad supports Tottenham Hotspur xD

Ron is taking over Harry's position while he's in hospital. I don't think he will make too many disasters, though I hope the Blood Order won't strike too badly while he is because I'm not sure how he will cope.

Really enjoying this still, great job!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm equally sorry that it took me a while to respond. It's a busy time of the year for everyone, I'm sure.

The ball is starting to roll downhill quite a bit faster now. Harry's students were pretty well prepared to defend themselves, not until some other Hogwarts students I remember. But they all suffer some pretty serious injuries. Nothing unrecoverable, though.

Percy is struggling a great deal at this point in the story. Something very sinister is going on around him, but he can't figure out what. His subconscious mind is trying to help him, but there's only so much that it can do. I wonder what the outside influence is? I picked to Hotspur mostly just because their team name sounds very peculiar to American sports fans. But I'm glad you liked it.

Ron will be temporarily stepping into Harry's responsibilities, but one thing I'm sure you remember about Harry is that it's hard to keep him in the hospital for very long. He'll be back on his feet soon enough.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #12, by Akussa 

14th November 2012:

Back again after a long wait; it's getting ridiculus on my part... I'm fairly confident I won't turn into a squirell though. I do review when I read; it's the "when I read" part that needs some work!

I really loved this chapter. The more personal moments such as the talk between Hermione and her mentor, giving her some motivation to look back on her situation and try to find a way out of it; the exciting fighting scene between Harry, the students and the Blood Order. The balance between action and emotion was well done and made for a great chapter.

I particularily liked the ending. Poor Percy seems to be going through some horrible moments and you are doing a great job at describing and translating this to the reader. It will be interesting to see what this memory can unlock and especially how Harry and Ron will react to it. I do hope it will free Percy somehow.

Oh and, really? The current minister lacks backbone more than Fudge did? Wow, this must be a very weak government!!!

Great job, I really enjoyed and will be back to review some more... eventually...

Author's Response: Hi, there! It's been a long time! Nice to see you back.

As I look back at the story, this chapter is one that I like a lot. Some fairly important things happen in it, and you seem to have picked up on most of them. Hermione does find her determination to get past her issues with the chair because she realizes how much she's needed. There's an attempt on Harry's life.

Percy's scene will turn out to be very central to the plot. He is going through some extremely difficult times, and the reasons aren't immediately apparent. But a lot of that gets cleared up over the next 4 chapters or so.

The current Minister doesn't have a large fan club. But it's not necessarily that he's weak, he just isn't inclined to stand up for the right things.

I look forward to seeing your lovely reviews again some time soon! Thanks so much!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Narnia 

4th August 2012:
"Somewhere along the way, his subconscious mind had become a huge wiseacre."
I'm just wondering what wisearce means.

Author's Response: Hi! I thought wiseacre was a fairly universal expression. Guess not. It means smart aleck, smartie pants, wise guy, etc.

Thanks for reading and... well, hey, this counts as a review! ;)

 Report Review

Review #14, by academica 

22nd July 2012:
Hi Dan! I'm back again (and definitely not a squirrel)!

So this chapter was really interesting flow-wise. Toward the middle, when Harry kept stopping to talk to people at Hogwarts, it almost seemed to drag a little for me, and I could feel the length of the chapter. But then, just when I was about to skip a paragraph or two, the action kicked in and I felt sucked right back into the plot. Great timing!

I like Hermione's conversation with her mentor, and I think you made it clear why they are a good match. Sometimes it does take having someone else there, someone older and wiser, to point out the things that you can't see in yourself. I think that could be especially true for someone like Hermione, who is so used to having all the answers.

Gah, I loved the fight scene! I find them so hard to write, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, and I think you did awesome with it. I could feel when Harry started to lose his grip a little bit and things started to flow together and become confusing for him, and yet I was able to follow it just fine.

I also think you did a fine job with Percy - he seems very tormented, and rightfully so. I'm glad it was Ginny's support of him that finally tipped him over the edge and helped him decide to aid Harry.

In addition to these other comments, I enjoyed Harry's conversation with his daughter and Percy's conversation with Ron. I think family has emerged as a really important theme in this story, and I like that the bonds of blood hold the protagonists together in this story in a way that is different and yet just as strong as the (perceived) bonds in the New Blood Order. You've drawn a lovely contrast.

Great work! I hope this review is helpful!


Author's Response: Lovely to see you again. I would feel sincerely bad if any of my regular readers became squirrels. ;)

This chapter had a lot of ebb and flow and terms of pace. If I was going to edit this all into a book, I sort of doubt that the scene with Hermione and her mentor would make the cut, but in context I think it helps to explain Hermione's determination to find her answers.

What can I say? I really enjoy writing fight scenes. It's such a fun challenge, positioning the combatants in my mind and thinking about the tactics and spells they would use. This one was particularly tricky because Harry is fighting from a difficult position. I enjoyed being able to take his students and have them play a role.

Percy is experiencing a lot of internal conflict. He has these overwhelming urges to do certain things, but his subconscious sometimes reasserts itself and guides him. You definitely haven't seen the last of it.

Family is a very important factor in the story. At times, it's really all that's keeping Harry together.

Your reviews are always helpful and interesting and lovely. Thanks so much!

 Report Review

Review #15, by Jchrissy 

31st May 2012:
Okay, please forgive any random errors and lack of depth in this review. I'm on my IPhone, waiting for my oil to get changed and have promised myself I won't read ahead chapters before reviewing!

I do not like the DADA teacher one but. He seems.. Off. But I had Susan pegged for the killer woman, so I'll try and hold my judgement. You know how much I'm loving your story, it really is incredible. I've even tried to find errors or inconsistencies, nothing. Adding the cloak was a great idea, it really brought past and present together. You have so much talent, I hope you write an original work one day. Percy is clearly mentally messed up (and I think I know why ;) ) but I still think he's bring a git. I am really happy you chose him to use for what I think your using him for, his past shows how easily his opinions ate influenced.

Amazing chapter like always, your story is so good it is taking motivation away from me to work on mine ;)!!

Author's Response: I completely understand about the iPhone reviewing. I've tried hard to do that in the past and I just can't. I have to be able to easily switch back and forth between the text of the story and my review and it's just too hard on my phone. So my hat is off to you.

You're not really meant to like Tennant. He's about as terrible as any DADA teacher from the books who isn't Lupin.

I'm really glad that you think my story is consistent. Like I've said, I try really, really hard to keep everything in canon and I spend a lot of time along with my beta reader checking every chapter to make sure it's consistent with what I've already written.

Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and insights!

 Report Review

Review #16, by Pixileanin 

31st May 2012:
Lady Tenabra's willingness to let Gamp deal with the clumsy henchmen was a great insight into her cut-throat nature. Still creepy, tho'. This was a brilliant line that both shows your ability as a writer and your firm grasp of the Potterverse:

"Several other wizards asked questions, but they were the sort that a man asked about a broom that had already taken flight in his mind."

She is such a scheming witch.

"It's not faith, dear," the elderly witch replied. "Faith is believing in something you cannot see. I've watched you for a long time. I know exactly what you're capable of."

I like this Hattie lady. She is quite a contrast to Tenabra. I love how diverse your characters are and how you are showing many different sides of the situation. It's also interesting that Tennant is reluctant to help Dennis at Hogwarts, where Harry truly wants to turn him around. I wonder if we're going to get any more back story on that.

The scene between Ron and Percy was really well done. Amazing bit of dialogue that showed us Ron's need and Percy's desperateness to keep his memories buried for his own sanity.

"Honestly, a big part of the appeal of hanging out at bars and concerts was the odd conversations that he seemed to have with himself in the solitude of an unfamiliar crowd."

That line was really well-turned. And then we get a glimpse of Percy's ambivalence. It's quite eerie. I'm suspecting that there's more to it and I hope I get to find out.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Lady Tenabra is utterly ruthless. She doesn't care one bit about her followers except for their capacity to do her bidding, and they're all completely disposable in her mind. This scene was written specifically to draw that point out.

The line you liked was sort of a paraphrase of the old salesman's adage, "He's talking about the car like he's already driving it." I like being able to tweak things and make them fit.

Sadly, Hattie was only slated for a single appearance. She shows up to give Hermione the kick in the bum that she needs to keep pursuing her recovery.

Percy is not in a good place. He's become caught up in something much larger than himself, and he's only just beginning to realize that.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #17, by shadowcat2 

29th April 2012:
The minister is so fishy. What's wrong with him? I don't like him.
The attack on Hogwarts was unexpected. I loved the part where Harry thought maybe Ginny was still alive. We don't really see Ginny in this story. Yet she will always there in a way with Harry, you know. I think that's beautiful. Lily's conversation with her dad was also amazing.
Will read the next chapter now. Bye bye. :)

Author's Response: The Minister is definitely a curious character, but perhaps not in the way that you're thinking. There's a reason that I haven't given him a name.

The attack at Hogwarts was a declaration of sorts by the Blood Order. It's a direct challenge to the prevailing social structure of the wizarding world and the role that the Potter/Weasley family plays in it.

Poor Harry just keeps lapsing back into these states of mind where he thinks that Ginny might still be alive. It's indicative of the fact that he's never really come to terms with her death. And although a part of her will always live on with him, what he's doing isn't really healthy, either. Lily's concern is spot-on.

One more to go, for now. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Elenia 

8th April 2012:

I'm here again! I got distracted last night and didn't get a chance to continue reading, but now I'm back.

Wow, another brilliant chapter. I don't know how you do it, but every single chapter makes me love your story more and more. The more the plot thickens, the more I find myself addicted to this.

Loved the first part, it was such a brilliant way to start a chapter. The reader is immediately pulled into an action scene and they get captivated by your writing. Anyways, interesting scene. We get to know more about Lady Tenabra and see that she really is somebody to worry about as she seems to be clever, observant, talented and hungry for blood.

Poor Hermione once again, I hope they soon find a cure for her or she gets over her problems with the wheelchair and is able to work again.

Everything about Hogwarts was interesting and entertaining. I really like it that you manage to bring life even to all the minor characters of your story. They all seem so real and you do a great job in creating so different personalities.

The fighting scene was great and totally unexpected! Immediately I was pulled into the action again, you have a real talent in writing scenes like that.

Like what you've done with Percy and how his character keep developing all the time. I'm glad that he was able to change his mind and eventually take the memory of that day and send it to Harry. I wonder what they will find in there...

Such an amazing chapter once again! I'll continue soon again (:

Take care!


Author's Response: Hi, there.

I think of Lady Tenabra as being a villain in the same vein as Professor Moriarty: brilliant, cunning and cultured, but also ruthless and completely devoid of conscience. How did she get this way? You'll find some clues in later chapters.

Hermione is slowly working her way back, but it's a long, slow, painful journey. She takes an important first step in this chapter.

I'm glad you liked the action scene. At times, I've reread it and felt like it was a bit too rushed, but I also can't figure out how I would change it, so I suppose it must be alright as it sits.

There is a war of sorts going on inside Percy's mind, the details of which will continue to be revealed bit by bit. Suffice it to say that nothing is as simple as it seems.

I've really enjoyed all of your thoughts and feedback. I can't wait to see more! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #19, by Ashling586 

19th January 2012:
Squirrels really, well some of us wouldn't mind being squirrels in the next life. hehehe Sorry I just couldn't help myself. There was an author I once read who threatened to have her ferrets attack any reader who didn't leave a review.
This was another wonderful chapter. I loved the pace of the story and it flows just right. I think you have done a wonderful job on all the characterizations through out the story so far. There isn't a thing that I would change or even add.

Author's Response: Yeah, there are days where the life of a squirrel doesn't look so bad.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Beeezie 

12th December 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

Okay, so you just made me really happy before I'd even really started reading the chapter for the second chapter in a row! You mentioned the EPL in your A/N, which made me really happy. (Although you had a typo - it is Tottenham Hotspur/Spurs, not Hotpur. I know - I'm an Arsenal fan.)

I'm glad that you included the first section about Lady Tenabra, and in general, I liked your portrayal of her. I felt like you provided enough information and narrative to hint at some of her sentiments and motivations, which was starting to become necessary at this point, without giving away too much - or making your avoidance of some of the questions that have been raised by her appearance seem awkward. My only issue with that section was with the auror - I thought that it was odd that just one auror would show up alone, considering the situation, and the fact that everyone rushed to disapparate was also a bit odd considering that the auror clearly knew who they were and they hadn't actually broken any laws.

I think the Hermione sections are really starting to become my favorites. Despite my initial misgivings about how you were handling her paralysis, I'm really liking the job you're doing with it now, and she and Harry seem the most naturally written and believable of all your characters. That's not to say that the others are awkward or unbelievable, because by and large they really aren't, but I do think that those two are standouts. My only major issue with this section was that I thought that you went a little overboard with a few of the details, which I've noticed is occasionally a problem of yours. I don't mind background information, but sometimes it feels like you want to work too much in and it ends up feeling a bit too exaggerated.

Hassie's age is a perfect example of that: it's a minor detail in the chapter as a whole, but you've exaggerated it too much. Hermione is, what, 70? For Hassie to have been arguing in front of the Wizengamot before Hermione was even born, she'd have to be quite old now - that's usually a job that gets assigned to senior officials, so she was probably at least 40 when she started doing that, and probably a bit older than that. That puts her at 110 or 120, and with such an enormous age difference and difference in rank, I found it hard to believe that she and Hermione had become as close as you depicted.

Another good example is the way Hermione was thinking about the discriminatory laws. I had a hard time believing that 50 years later, there were still so many discriminatory laws on the books at all. It hasn't bothered me much in previous sections, but the way you emphasized it here made it feel a bit over the top. I know that the basic plotline is necessary, and I don't really have a problem with it, but I wanted a better justification in this chapter. What kinds of laws would it still make sense to have on the books after all this time? Was it that some pureblood legislation was getting pushed through?

I can see a few places you can go with that - house elves rights, distribution of the wealth/taxes, some restrictions placed either by the government or private businesses about who can work for them based on blood status that Hermione has been trying to strike down… again, there are things that I think you can very reasonably do. I just think that you needed more justification here. You hinted at that with the mention of the werewolf, but I wanted more than that.

Your section between Harry and Tennant was very well done - I could get a sense of who Tennant was as a person and why exactly Harry didn't like him. It was subtle, but it was definitely there, which was really excellent. I wasn't sure about your characterization of the Fat Lady later in the chapter, however - it seemed a little overdone. The mannerisms didn't seem really typical of those of the Fat Lady we saw - the speech was a bit too formal and deferring, and the blushing didn't really seem consistent. Sure, Harry saved the world from Voldemort, but Dumbledore saved the world from Grindelwald, and I don't recall the portraits fawning over him.

I was also bothered by Harry's "blocking" the killing curse - isn't the point of Avada Kedavra that you can't block it? I didn't really believe that they had managed to find a way now. That's kind of a Syler/Peter overpowered issue (and oh, my god, I just made a heroes reference. I feel embarrassed for myself). If Avada Kedavra can be blocked, even if only by skilled wizards, that's a huge detraction from one of the basic fears involved with the spell.

I don't want to sound hypercritical - your writing was as good as ever, and you really excel at writing action scenes (something that I always have a problem with). Your characterization of Harry's students was also really excellent all around - you don't put too much focus on them, but you do give them enough personality that I appreciate them and can distinguish between them. I also thought that your characterization of him in St. Mungo's was excellent.

Other than the little mixup with the name, your portrayal of football was great. That's absolutely how we do it with our teams - if you even just look at my profile status feed on the forums, you'll see the evidence of that. Fully two-thirds of them are probably about Arsenal, Valencia, and/or Barcelona. It's insane. And the bitter hatred we feel toward our rivals… if you want to go all out, you can add the man saying something about losing to Arsenal hurting especially or something. And ouch, writing Tottenham as in danger of relegation… harsh. :P

Sorry. I'm done now.

So on one hand, this review took forever because I'm been obsessed with graphics lately. But on the other, it's very long, which hopefully makes up for it!

(Just in case you're interested, I'm likely going to be able to get the next Ghost in the Machine chapter up before the queue closes. Yay.)

Author's Response: Hello, again. I'm glad to hear about Ghost in the Machine. I really like that one.

So one thing I was warned about was writing anything that touches on soccer for a predominantly British audience. I suppose it could have turned out much worse. Sometimes good writing requires that you take chances.

I've re-read your review several times now, and I'm honestly struggling with how to respond. I appreciate all of the things you're pointing out. I guess I just don't see most of them as being very big issues.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #21, by Remus 

10th December 2011:
Tennant... Scottish? Rory...

Me thinks you're a Doctor Who fan.

If not...that's one BIG coincidence! Haha!

This was definitely a very interesting chapter, specially for each character you had. I'm very picky about O.C.s, however, your Lady Tenebra seems to be the type of character who is not only well rounded but also very intriguing. I'm always glad that I get to read a bit about her in every chapter just to learn more of her plot.

Percy is kinda growing on me even though I've never forgiven him for deserting his family.

Harry's line about being made into a great-grandfather made me laugh, just so you know. One thing I pointed out though, in that section. Did Artie give the Fat Lady the password? Because no matter what, she'll never open the door without it. Even if they're in Gryffindor and knows them for 7 years.

That was the only critique/question I had. Anyway, short review as I have to go do some work now! :D


Author's Response: Hello, again!

You know, Dr. Who is one of those rare nerdy pleasures that I never got into. Ditto for Monty Python. Makes me feel like a lesser geek sometimes.

I think of Tenabra as being a lot like Professor Moriarty: intelligent, well-read and sophisticated, yet diabolical, ruthless and utterly devoid of conscience. She's the anti-Harry in many respects.

Percy is caught up in something much larger than he realizes. He will play a central role throughout the rest of the story.

If the Fat Lady would not open without receiving the password then Artie must have whispered it or something, right? ;-)

Work: the mortal enemy of fan fiction appreciation. Well I'm pleased that you were able to spare the time for me. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #22, by sophie_hatter 

9th December 2011:
I think this is a particularly strong chapter.

Tenabra gets scarier, Hermione starts to screw her head back on, Harry gets feisty, Artie gets some action (hopefully:-)), and the firefight is brilliant.

Ron and Percy felt very natural, the section with Harry and Lily is very touching, and I'm glad that Percy came good in the end.

And as for your lovely Author's note - you're very welcome, it's my pleasure:-)

Author's Response: I can't give you enough credit in general, but this chapter was one where I would have been particularly lost without you.

As I've said in a few chapters, Tenabra is the anti-Harry. She's 100% in this for herself; nobody else matters to her. She's ruthless, unscrupulous and she doesn't care who gets hurt. I wonder what could have made her this way? ;-)

Poor Hermione is starting to pull it together. She's been through a lot, and it just felt like it was time for her to begin to heal. I hope the timing feels right to the readers.

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #23, by Charlie_I_Wish_I_Was_A_Potter 

3rd December 2011:
Amazing. I love your story so far!! Please write some more. I think it's really original how this is all about when they're so much older... Love it ;) x

Author's Response: Hey, I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #24, by ginerva_molly_weasley 

3rd December 2011:
This chapter is so good :D

The way you've introduced quite a liot of things in just one chapter is sensational as it's not ezcessivly overpowering but sort of just enough!

I love the way you've been able to switch so freely between scenes involving different characters as it shows your skill as a writer but also the painstaking work thats gone into writing it which makes us want to read more.

I'm interested to see to see what you do with the idea iof Harry being attacked just outside Hogwarts. Whilst there's suspicions it could be from people of the New Blood Order, an attack on Harry wasn't mentioned in the scene involving them which sparks curiosity.

I think yopu've done amazingly well in this chapter but you can also see how you've actually grown as a writer! Well done :D


Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. An awful lot of things fell into place in that chapter, and I hope that the pace of the story will really pick up from here on out.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #25, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

30th November 2011:
Oh boy! What's going to happen now? I really want to know more about Percy more than anyone else. I mean there seems to be something deeper going on with him besides what he did. There's more to the story, isn't there?

Author's Response: And here we are at the end of the line. First off, thank you for an incredibly fun evening!

Percy's story gets deeper and deeper, doesn't it? You'll have to stay tuned to find out exactly how, but he is very central to the plot of the story.

And I have a question for you. Are you a big AC/DC fan, or do you just like the lyric? PM me in the forums or just let me know in your next review. Because I have a sneaking suspicion you'll be back...

You are completely awesome! It is very easy to get frustrated sometimes when you see the chapter read counter going up, up, up and you're getting maybe one review for every 50 reads. Readers like you restore my faith. Thank you so much!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review
<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>