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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Renfair 

27th April 2012:
Well, FINALLY back here to review. This week was just insane, yesterday in particular, so I had no uninterrupted to read. Sorry about that! Maybe I can squeeze two chapters in right now. I might make my reviews a tiny bit shorter because I'd like to make some progress on the story and not take up ALL my time rambling on :)

So Rose didn't know "Scorpius" could cook. But that's not too much of giveaway for Teddy since hey, it seems like she barely knew Scorpius beyond varsity-league closet snogging. Teddy probably should have taken into account that Scorp is a rich Malfoy kid and probably has servants to cook for him (if his family never got around to replacing Dobby with another elf). But maybe he'll think of a creative excuse (in case you haven't noticed, I review as I'm reading the chapter, so you could very well explain this next paragraph. I just like to type out my thoughts as I'm reading)

I was very surprised in your review you did for me that you said you were struggling with Teddy's voice. The thought never crossed my mind. I think you're doing very well with Teddy's first person narration.

...and there you go having Teddy explain the cooking like I said you would :D Only one question: would Teddy even KNOW what a microwave is? Don't Muggle appliances go kind of crazy around magic, hence why all the wizards haven't adopted the good ones like dishwashers? Someone Muggle-born like Hermione would obviously know, but Teddy was raised by his pure blood grandmother in a totally wizarding atmosphere. Maybe Harry showed him, but I kind of get the feeling Harry would have abandoned the Muggle world after he beat Voldemort since it never treated him very nicely (not that the wizarding world did either...) Just a thought. I only mentioned because you want to keep Teddy totally in character and that threw me for a sec. Maybe you could say something else super easy like hard-boil an egg or roast a potato over a fire or something. Or even just say pop popcorn since you can use fire for that...whoops. Rambling again.

Ugh, you're making me want to go to the beach!! Too bad it's too cold :( Does that wiggling with your toes thing really work? I've never done that. But Teddy's so right about how being away from the beach for a long time can be so hard. I grew up next to the ocean, and I only really notice how much I miss it when I go back to it (then it's even harder to leave again)

"Oh, there was some serious meddling in the case going on." --Um, yeah. Understatement of the year there, Teddy. Now Luna's whole family knows where they are? I don't know how much longer Teddy is going to be able to keep up this ruse. It seems like everyone who went to Hogwarts with Harry is going to know where these two are "hiding" by the end of the week.

Hahaha. Ick. Nice to see Lysander is so mature ;) Ok, going to try to get one more read! ~Renny

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Review #2, by Teddylover 

4th March 2012:
Uh oh. Lysander could potentially mess everything up. Teddy is lucky his cover wasn't blown here. We will have to see where this goes in the future. This could go downhill really quickly. But that's good. Such a good chapter. Things are picking up and I'm getting tense, but they are also developing their relationship. I can't wait to see how you put them together. Nicely done.

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Review #3, by AC_rules 

2nd March 2012:
I had actually previous thought about the whole... wouldn't Rose be surprised that Malfoy can cook? But I'd just ignored, still it's good that you brought that up. Oh, Rose and Scorp/Teddy :)

There were some really really cute moments in this chapter and Lysander is seriously dedicated to Rose to come and find her. Which makes me, sort of, think that he's involved in someway? I don't know... it just seems... ah, interesting.

Anyway, still really enjoying this! I'll read a couple more chapters tonight :)

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Review #4, by Lillylover22 

17th January 2012:
This is great. I love this story 9/10 : )

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Review #5, by Houlestar 

8th January 2012:
The interactions/conversations/reparte/banter between Rose and Teddy(Scorpius) feel really natural, and like I would image them to be. Honestly, I can't see Rose and Scorpius being friends at Hogwarts, so I find your portrayal of their relationship realistic. It's also really interesting to have Teddy's memories conflicting with how he has to play Scorpius. It really gives these scenes a dimension and depth that otherwise wouldn't be present if it was just the typical Scor/Rose or Teddy/Rose fic.

So far I'm really enjoying this story.
-Houlestar

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Review #6, by BellatrixLivesOn 

14th November 2011:
Yes! I read the next chapter!! I couldn't wait to get to this. And look at them! They're making HUGE progress. I can't wait to see how they get together! Nice! 10/10 as always!

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Review #7, by tangledconstellations 

13th November 2011:
Drue! I have finally found time to catch up with this fic, and boy have I missed it!

I love Teddy in this chapter, much like every other chapter as well, haha! He makes me smile, and he's so likable. I love that the language you use is so colloquial and not too trying - this fic is perfect for perking up my mood, it really, really is! The whole thing with Rose when she was younger was genuinely the loveliest thing in the world - so cute! I could so picture him looking back to when they were younger almost wistfully - really lovely.

I love that there are 2 things progressing in this fic - their relationship and the case/mystery. Each chapter leaves me feeling a bit more AGH at both, because the way you're drawing them both out is literally leaving my hanging for more! I agree with Teddy - Lysander popping up is strange, and it makes me wonder how much of an impact he's gonna have on the story. But, their relationship (Ted & Rose/Ted & Scorpius) CUTEST EVER!! It's so believable too.

I love the whole concept of this fic, the whole storyline and the way you've taken advantage of Teddy's powers and incorporated it into the plot. I'm waiting for him to slip up though! And this makes me very nervous!

Laura xxx

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Review #8, by SunSation Gal 07 

10th November 2011:
HAHAHA! Oh! I think I just died laughing at that last part with Lysander! Oh, way to turn a conversation awkward within a few seconds! Haha!

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Review #9, by apocalypse 

6th November 2011:
The Cards game should've just been left in the previous chapter. In this one it just seemed out of place. Making breakfast-talking-making dinner, don't you think the routine's getting a bit monotonous? Not that I am not enjoying the thought of Malfoy's son cooking for Ron's daughter. That's something you don't get to read every day. ;-)

Moving on. I would've expected Rose to get suspicious of him instead of getting frank with Malfoy. I mean Teddy being unable to be Malfoy, understandable but Rose? She SHOULD get suspicious; there should be a reason for her to suspect him in some way. Otherwise it's all really typical. It just fits with the scenario or maybe it's just me wanting to see teddy feel nervous in front of Rose =P . Anyway, there should be some sort of discomfort and suspicion on her part.

Also, don't you think that both Teddy and Rose are taking this whole situation way too casually? I mean they are being held as suspects for murdering the minister? Fine, Teddy is not really Malfoy so he can be excused; he should still be worried for Rose. On the other hand, Rose? I mean, 'Rose was draped over one of the couches and was having a particularly grand time looking into the kitchen while hanging upside down..' this is WAY too normal. You made both of them agree not to talk about the entire situation; well at least you could show how they feel about it, through their actions. I'm sure actions can do better than words; you proved that by writing that 'Card Fight' scene. It told of her feelings. There should be something that narrates their feelings about such a serious situation of theirs.

On the other hand, the speed at which you're advancing with their relationship? It makes me eager to know more about the future, already! Haha. However don't you think you're getting way too much carried away with their relationship only? It seems it's about them now and the bigger picture has gotten fuzzy. Try to focus on the case as well. After all the case is what your story is actually based on. It needs to be given slightly more importance than casual visits to the Ministry. I might be repeating this but importance has to be given both aspects in order to maintain balance and keep your readers absorbed in the story. You sure have the potential in you. =)

The scene where Teddy answered Rose's questions regarding Malfoy? You pulled it off really well. Guess Teddy does seem to know him more than I thought he did. Good Job! Here I thought that she was testing him. I really want to know what the original story is!

Hey! I really love the laughter doses you give your readers. For instance, the getting stuck in the sand part, simply loved it. It's not easy to write humor, it seems you have a big plus point on your side, keep it up! =)

The conversation they had while making dinner; the teasing session and the flirting and the dinning outside, near the sea? It was beautiful, for a minute I almost forgot everything and got absorbed in the atmosphere. Really really good job. However I feel that it all came way too soon. I hope you work on the order of your scenes: it sure will help you attract more readers and have a more pleasing effect.

Moving towards the end: It was hilarious! Even I could feel how awkward Teddy must've felt. Excellent job there! Keep it up. =D I will surely be coming back for more..! I know I'm criticizing too much but I'm falling in love with your story! So, I really want it to be perfect! =D

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Review #10, by Remus 

2nd November 2011:
Hey! Its Perelandra here with your review! Sorry is has taken a while...work has gotten busy. But here I am!

Ok so I have to point out...it feels like this story is dragging. Same old, same old? Its fine to take up time to do things right, however, you don't want to overly extend your plot and make it feel like its dragging and therefore lose your readers. I was once told that in order to keep the readers guessing, coming back and wanting more is to leave them with a cliffhanger or something important. Something that will want them screaming for more. I really think you need that.

Plot wise, this is still interesting...wishing Rose kill the Minister! Hahaha! Have a bad side that no one knew.

Lysander cracked me up! However, I don't know how I feel about him? Should we trust him? Hahaha!

Grammar wise this is fine as well as characterization.

Anyway, on to the next chapter. :)

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Review #11, by GodricGryffindor 

26th October 2011:
Ahahahaha! More laughable moments! You're great at that. You have an awesome sense of humor. I would have thought they were together too if I were Lysander!

This was super great.

Keep up the super work!

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Review #12, by Elysa Strink 

23rd October 2011:
This makes me laugh so much! It's brilliant :)

There's so much guessing and wondering, I love it. It's a very clever and original way to do a romance, the fact there's a greater story going on with very important consequences make it that much more interesting. What gave you the idea?

One little thing I noticed: in the last chapter (5) when they were playing cards you said that they talked about her job as a curse breaker. But in the kitchen at the beginning of this chapter you brought it up like they hadn't yet discussed it. At least, that's the way it came across to me as the reader, and it confused me a bit!

Great story though, I can't wait to read more! :)

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Review #13, by CambAngst 

20th October 2011:
I liked this chapter. I think you preserved the essential Luna Lovegood experience with Lysander's appearance. Matter-of-fact and awkward.

One ticky-tack little thing: a little over halfway down, you misspelled ocean as "ocen".

Unless I missing something, there were no big "a-ha" moments in this chapter, but that's fine. It seems like Rose is gradually demonstrating to Teddy that there was no recent relationship between her and Scorpius. I can't wait to find out how they're actually involved in the Minister's assassination.

Keep up the good work!

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Review #14, by Raine 

14th October 2011:
Oh what was that kid doing there! That was another twist. Haha I understand why Lysander thought they were together. I like his nickname you gave him. Sanny. The beach scene was adorable. They're starting to get feelings for each other! Yay! :) Update soon please! I hate that I don't have anymore to read! 100/100

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Review #15, by stevie 

12th October 2011:
Ohhh that would be soo awkward! lol i'm loving the story, its such a great and different idea, please update soon :)

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Review #16, by Crescent Moon  

12th October 2011:
Great chapter!! I loved it!!
What's going to happen now with Lysander knowing where they are?
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can.

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Review #17, by ola 

10th October 2011:
ohh finally ; D i was waiting for new chapter . I think it's amazing

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