Reading Reviews for Off the Rails, Chapter 1: one
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by onestop_hpfan18 

29th July 2016:
I like this so far. I was expecting James to be older, though, like he had been playing the field for longer than a few years into his Quidditch career. I just think 21 is young to settle down, especially for a guy who would rather play the field than be in a serious relationship. But I suppose the heart wants when you meet the right person.

I like the dialogue and relations between the cast of characters. It flowed naturally and I had no trouble picturing it all in my mind's eye while reading. Great first chapter.

Author's Response: It's funny, I started writing this when I was about 18 and I guess at that age 21 seemed like forever away, and especially in the Potter world the sort of age that people WOULD be settled down by. Now, a fair few years on from 21, it does of course seem a bit daft that someone would be expected to be in a serious relationship. But there we go.

Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #2, by Juliette 

22nd September 2015:
Really like this story, hope there's more of Al soon :)

Author's Response: Glad you like, thanks for reviewing! :)

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Review #3, by am0rtentia93 

12th July 2015:
I'm very late to the party as I just started reading this and you already have the sequel up but I just needed to drop you a very enthusiastic BRAVO for the first chapter. As a humor writer myself, I can only hope to make even my least appealing characters as funny, charming, and relatable as you have done so with James. There is already so much backstory and so many characters, and you still manage to bring the laughs in a way that does not seem forced at all. I cannot wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Thanks very much for your review! I put a lot of effort into trying to make the first chapter as interesting as possible, it's good to know you enjoyed it! :)

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Review #4, by Aleine 

10th June 2015:
Wow... This is amazing. It's so lifelike and real. I wasn't a Next Gen fan to begin with, but I am now.

I did dislike the fact that there were so many rolling-eyes, but that slipped away really fast. The fact is that the Briticism in this story is amazingly done.

Need to keep reading. Will review properly when I'm done with the entire thing.

You're amazing.

Author's Response: Thanks for your comment about all the eye rolling - I tend to get quite repetitive when it comes to physical description! Glad you're enjoying, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #5, by Roisin 

21st September 2014:

So this story has been on my reading list for approximately FOREVER, so SotM and Dobby nominations were just the push I needed to finally jump in!

And MAN, I see why this story has been so popular! I didn't realize it before, but I haven't seen many NextGen novels from a male POV--I'm really enjoying it!

This chapter was definitely a huge amount of fun, while still setting up so many threads for the future, and overall it was pretty masterful. I also really liked how balanced your take on "playboy" was. Writing it through James' POV was really smart, because it gives the reader the space to recognize his less wonderful qualities (he's quite vain, and certainly rather inconsiderate), even if he doesn't totally recognize that himself. It was also infinitely wise to give him a female friend, and that definitely stopped me from stroppily screaming "CHAUVINIST!" at him. Because he's really not just some totally arrogant jerkface--he clearly cares about and respects Brie and he loves his family regardless of his "too cool for school" front. And really, his character is exactly reasonable with canon in mind, and he's still young!

Also, I really liked that you included all the kinds of politics involved with Sport, it really gives depth to the whole "he plays Quidditch" thing, rather than throwing that in as an obvious career choice. I'm super interested in how you visualize that in the future!

Overall, this first chapter is definitely living up to the hype, and I can't wait to read more! I'll try to stop and review, but a fair warning: I might just end up curling up and binge-reading this without stopping!


Author's Response: Oh my gosh, so this review has been in my unanswered list for about forever and I am a TERRIBLE PERSON. A very belated thanks for popping along and checking us out!

I always find it interesting to come back to the first chapter, as my James is a very different person by the end! He DOES come across as quite vain here, and he's certainly inconsiderate at times! But yes, his friendship with Brie has been a delight to write throughout.

The Quidditch. Oh the Quidditch. Lots more of that to come, it all kind of exploded into a much bigger ball of exposition than I'd ever planned on, and now I don't ever want to write about it again. But I did love it at the time, and my readers seem to enjoy it as well so it's all worthwhile. :)

Thanks so much for popping by and leaving a review, I hope you continue(d?) to read and enjoy! :)

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Review #6, by marauderfan 

21st May 2014:
Hello! I keep seeing this story popping up recently so I decided it was time I see what it's all about.

James II as an arrogant, womanizing Quidditch player is something I have seen a lot in next gen. BUT (before that starts to sound mean, bear with me because here comes a lot of compliments/gushing) There is something about your James that puts a fresh spin on the cliché and honestly I really like him! His faults are pretty obvious so far, but you can tell that under his carelessness about romance he is actually a caring person. I love the way you've juxtaposed his flippant disregard of relationships with women, yet he has a great relationship with the important women in his life. Already I love the way you've written his respectful friendship with Brigid, and his relationship with Lily. She's a super awesome sister. I love how she and Brigid both put James in his place when he gets too arrogant haha.

Also I must commend you on the number of characters introduced in the first chapter. You mentioned a lot, but it didn't seem like too many. Especially with next gens, sometimes I get overwhelmed when 800 Weasleys are introduced and I'm just like ahhh who are all these people. So thank you for not doing that :p You've got the perfect number of characters for a first chapter, because with only three that you really focused on, I get to know them a lot better. Only one chapter in and I feel like I already know James, Lily, and Brigid pretty well.

It looks like Quidditch will feature pretty heavily in this story which is exciting because I don't know if I've read any story where Quidditch isn't just a subplot - but this is James's life and career, so I'm eager to see where you go from here.

Great start! I am really excited to read on :D so expect to see more of me later. Ciao!

Author's Response: Aah, thank you so much for popping along! These reviews have made my day. :)

I could sit here and say that I always intended to write a womanising Quidditch player AND YET put a spin on it to be original and clever ... but the truth is, I didn't realise this was a Next Gen cliche when I first started work on this fic. But James is certainly a lot more than just that, as I think is already apparent from the way he treats Lily and Brigid - he has reasons for perhaps disregarding other women.

And yes, Lily and Brigid definitely have the measure over James. :)

I always used to see people bemoaning the number of Weasleys and wonder what was so hard, because I could keep track of all of them easily. But it's one thing to know who's who, and another thing completely to throw them into a fic at the right time without completely blowing people's minds. So it's good to know I didn't go too far with this one. :)

...yeah, there's a lot of Quidditch in this fic. So much that I've pretty much put myself off writing it ever again. I now know why JK avoided writing the matches whenever she could! I hope you'll enjoy that plot, because it's a pretty important part of James' life. :) Thanks for dropping by and reviewing!

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Review #7, by TidalDragon 

4th May 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to complete my quest to read and review all the Golden Paw nominees. I tried my best to read all the stories in their entirety, but I'll confess to you that with the deadline looming I knew reading all 63+ chapters of this story was not possible. I'm sorry about that. Especially after reading such a strong start!

What I enjoyed about this story most was the characterizations. You embraced the womanizing James (II) trope, but I think it succeeds for you here because rather than making it oblique, you confront it head on and with gusto. You also created a nice little world within which the characters live at present, complete with career background on James (II) and a nice OC in Brigid. While James (II)'s career is a bit typical, you step outside of that nicely by creating Brigid, a best friend and atypical career-holder - sports agent (which would surely be necessary given the immense global popularity of Quidditch and the many various professional leagues for it).

I also enjoyed the bickering dynamic between James (II) and Lily. Rather than portraying her as the shrinking violet she sometimes becomes, you made her much more like Ginny, which to me felt more realistic.

All in all I thought you word choice, dialogue, and descriptions were all strong points as well, as you balanced the dialogue, descriptions, and action effectively (despite a minimum of inner thought!) to create an immersive experience for the reader.

Excellently done! Good luck in the voting!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for popping along to read! I thought the mammoth length of this thing would put people off checking it out for the Paws, so it was lovely to see this review! :)

Thank you for the comments on the characterisation! It's something I try hard to do well on, and certainly to me these are all real people in my mind. It's funny, when I started writing this about three or so years ago I don't think I realised just how much of a cliche it was to make James a Quidditch player! Clearly I hadn't read enough Next Gens. But it's good to know it works here, as a lot of this fic's focus is on how he deals with all that comes with being a Quidditch player. As for Lily ... well, she steals pretty much any scene she's in. I have a few characters with that talent.

Thanks very much for the lovely review, and I hope you continue to read and enjoy! :)

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Review #8, by slytherinchica08 

14th March 2014:
What an interesting start to your story! You already have your characterizations set up extremely well and so believable. Everyone was realistic and had flaws but also some extremely lovable personalities. This chapter while just an opening chapter already did a great job of getting me into the story and making me like your characters. I can honestly say that I thought maybe it was going to be James with bridig and not Freddie.

The flow of this chapter was also really well done! Everything came together so nicely and I didn't want to stop reading at all! I think it's logical that James has Charlie as his favorite uncle being that Charlie is a bachelor and since James has no plans to settle down it he would see that as desirable. I think that the start of your story really captures your readers and makes us want to continue reading just because the writing and characters are so well done we just don't want to stop! I will be coming back to read more that's for sure! Great job!


Author's Response: Oh wow, look at all these lovely reviews! Thank you so much! :)

I have to say, I AM pleased with this as a first chapter, because I think it does a good job of introducing some of the main players. I've had a lot of people expect James/Brigid to begin with! You're correct though, Fred/Brigid is where this fic aims to go. If Freddie stops being silly. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #9, by LavenderBlue 

15th February 2014:
Hello, hello! It's taken me long enough, but I've finally moseyed on over here to read this here story and, um, I'm already hopping up and down, ready for MORE. And OH LOOK. There are 58 MORE CHAPTERS for me to read! I'm in heaven. It's like Netflix releasing all of House of Cards at once. I just don't even know what to do with myself.

Okay, now let me write something coherent that is actually about the wonder that is this story. I am so glad that James is a player. Haha. No, but really. There is nothing worse than reading a story about an almost-perfect Potter boy whose only flaw is, like, overachieving. James doesn't want to commit, and he's totally blunt and unapologetic about it. I like my characters unapologetic. :] And even though Cassie might not like Lily, I'm loving her so far. She doesn't put up with James' bleepity-bleep, and that's the sort of sister he needs.

Brigid calls James Jimmy. CUTE. James calls Lily mini Potter. CUTER. I absolutely loved this entire wedding scene. It's the perfect way to meet the Weasley-Potter family, and your dialogue is the bees knees. So crisp and fun, and I already have a good grasp on James' circle of acquaintances because of it. Of course Uncle Charlie is his favorite. He knows his Quidditch and is clearly very proud of his little star nephew. And Teddy is adorable. And his CHILDREN. DORA AND REMUS. I'm dying a little. Of course I'm biased because you know how I feel about Teddy's lineage, but that just made me inordinately happy. AND THE THIRD CHILD SHALL BE CALLED DROMEDA. Cough. What? Did I say that?

Not only does James have Lily as a miniature taskmaster, he has also has Agent Extraordinaire Brie to keep him in line in all other matters. He seriously doesn't know how lucky he is. And UGH, all the feels between Freddie and Brie. Freddie Boy better, like, get his act together. But James reassuring Brigid is so cute. I like their symbiotic relationship. Like it a lot. And now this chapter is over, and I'm all, "Wut. Must read more." So I shall. I am loving this so far.

Author's Response: OH HEY. Thanks for moseying. :) There's a part of me that almost feels as though I should apologise to you, for the number of chapters there are for you to wade through - but then I realise this means you can read at your leisure and won't have to put up with cruel cliffhangers, and I reconsider. There is many a time when I wonder if I should wait for a fic to be completed before I start reading. But my curiosity never fails to get the best of me.

If you're not interested in almost-perfect Potters, then you're definitely in the right place. James has many flaws and insecurities to deal with, the silly boy. But I love him. Very happy that you love Lily, too, because her little storyline is one of my favourites.

I wrote this chapter EONS ago, but I do remember the struggle of how to introduce a load of people without just throwing a load of names out at random. Seriously, Next Gen should come with a Weasley-clan health warning. Your love for Teddy does not surprise me (although it does make me feel guilty because I possibly don't use him enough - too many Weasleys!), and of course child number three will totally be named Dromeda. EVEN IF IT'S A BOY.

I put Brigid through the ringer a LOT. She's basically my ultimate woobie. But she's a very good friend to James - and I'm glad you like the friendship because I like my opposite-sex platonic relationships, and James/Brie is a big fat juicy slab of platonicness. Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #10, by ReeBee 

30th December 2013:
Ooh! Great start! Love Brie!! Can't wait to read more!! Going to start now! :D

Author's Response: Glad you like Brie, she's one of my favourites, although I do put her through the ringer a bit. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #11, by Hagrid21 

7th August 2013:
Really solid start to this story. The characters' personalities really shone through, and the history and chemistry between them all is obvious, even though it's only the first chapter. I look forward to reading how you continue to develop their relationships.

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I do try to give every character their own distinct personality and traits, so I'm glad that shows right from the start. Hope you continue to enjoy, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #12, by feathers101 

5th September 2012:
I really really really loved this first chapter!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #13, by Slide 

18th May 2012:
I hit a brick wall in writing so I thought I'd read some to nudge the brain along. And fair's fair! It's hard to not love James; he might be a ladies' man happy to discard them when bored but he seems clearly HONEST about what he wants out of these non-relationships. I can't help but have a soft spot for these rogues, even if I want to call them hypocrites for then trying to fend men off from their friends and sisters. Hm, hypocrite or just all-too aware? But it's nice that he has positive female relationships too! I decided I love Brigid the moment I got to how she'd sorted the wedding gift for him. Poor girl with her hapless males around her.

And yay for Quidditch fuss. There's a whole wealth of fun to be had with the world of professional sports in a story.

Author's Response: OHMIGOD you have no idea how big a smile I had on my face just now when I saw all these reviews :) James is totally hypocritical, yeah, but then he has his reasons for being the way he is. And I'm glad you like Brigid, she's probably one of my favourite characters in this fic, she definitely manages her boys a lot! The Quidditch stuff is a total pain in the neck to plan at times, but on the whole it's great fun to mess about with :) Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #14, by ForTheLoveOfWords 

29th November 2011:
Hey! I read all 8 chapters of your story so far yesterday and I really like it! I saw something about it on dream_BIG's formspring. I'm so sorry you haven't been getting many reviews, but hang in there! Sometimes it takes a while to get attention when there are so many stories on the site. I favorited the story and I can't wait for chapter 9! Let me know if you ever need anyone to beta read; I would love to. I'm going to continue my review on the next chapter!

Author's Response: OHMIGOD reviews! Haha. First off thank you so much, it was such a pleasant surprise to log in to find I had 8 lovely reviews sitting waiting for me! :) And I'm just happy to get reviews! Haha. I am hoping that as I post more and more chapters, I'll get more readers though. :) Thank you so much! :)

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Review #15, by prongslittleflower 

18th September 2011:
I really like this and I'm excited to read something from James' point of view. It really gets over looked, the idea that you can write from a boy's point of view, and you do so really well in this story. Excited to read more!

Author's Response: It's funny, I seem to write more from a guy's perspective than a girl's, which is odd... Haha. Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you like it so far! :)

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