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22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Renfair 

22nd April 2012:
Poor Teddy. He must be going bananas with boredom. I'm having a horrible mental block here remembering if he and Rose have their wands or not. I'm thinking not. It wouldn't be very realistic of Ruckman to leave them with wands, even though he knows "Scorpius" is actually Teddy. So they really do have NOTHING to do. Can't conjure a book, can't do the Daily Prophet crossword, Teddy can't even make his fingers turn interesting colors. Beh.

"Ah, not only me once again but me wearing my own clothes once again!" --That definitely does feel nice! I was so excited to wear my normal clothes again after being stuck in the same four maternity outfits for months :)

At least Teddy is pretty safe leaving the cottage for a while. If Rose knocks and he doesn't answer, she'll just assume Scorpius is being a jerk like always. It's not like she'd care enough to bust the door down and make sure he didn't drop dead of this horrible boredom we've been discussing.

Just a couple typo thingers: "I came upon the office of my god father's" (godfather's); "let my head peak into his line of vision" (peek--you probably had Peaks stuck in your mind); "because I'm your god son," (again, just needs to be one word)--Hope you don't think I'm being nit-picky pointing these out. I'm only going off my own obsession with having every single typo VANQUISHED in my own writing :D So *please* point out any you see when you read my own fic. Everything else is perfect, especially your correct comma usage. I can't help reading critically when I'm reviewing something, so it's nice to see them all where they're supposed to be.

"It's illegal now because it's a complete invasion of privacy," --Um, DUH! It's sad that Ted has to point these things out. Forced Legilimency, forced Veritaserum...meh, whatever. I hope Harry destroyed the Marauders Map and didn't hand that off to the next generation. Talk about super creepy invasion of privacy. Hmm...but here's a thought: if Rose really is innocent, wouldn't she ASK to take Veritaserum? Like when people volunteer to take a lie-detector test? But that would probably ruin your whole plot... so we'll just skip that detail :)

That meeting with Peakes was painful to read, simply because it was so realistic. Why are the total scumbags always the ones who get promoted?

I really can't think of any way that it could turn out ok if (and when, I'm sure) Rose finds out that Teddy deceived her. Even the "I did it to get you out of trouble" and "It was my job, I had no choice" excuses are just not going to cover that deep of a betrayal.

I'm glad at least Harry is trying to keep Ted from spilling all the beans. Yeah, we assume that Rose is innocent and all, but it doesn't matter. If the wizarding legal system is anything like the Muggle one, Teddy saying *anything* to someone personally involved with the accused could cause a total mistrial and Rose would end up having to go through all of this all over again. But Ted has already shown he isn't 100% mature, so what are you gonna do.

Oh and now he has to clue Draco in to the details as well? See, this is why the wizards need to start having more kids and branching out the population a bit (maybe 400 new kids at Hogwarts a year instead of 40 would be a GOOD thing). I mean, everyone is so interconnected and, of course, they're all super important and work in the Ministry. I'd hate to be Joe Magical Schmoe in this world. :)

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Review #2, by Teddylover 

4th March 2012:
Ha! I liked seeing Teddy in Harry's office and then Teddy sneaking behind the door when Draco came in. The stowaway comment. I laughed at that. And that ending was confusing but clever. I had to do some thinking. That's good. Nice chapter!

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Review #3, by AC_rules 

2nd March 2012:
Awh, oh Harry :)

It's actually really sweet how he doesn't want to break the rules himself and abuse his position, but is happy for others to providing it gives them piece of me. I actually really like that charactersation of Harry (and characterising Harry is something I've always found very very difficult but then, I can't do canon).

So, now Teddy's mentioned it Peaks is really annoying me too. I know these reviews probably aren't very in depth or helpful, but you've already been waiting quite awhile and I wouldn't be able to think of anything constructive anyway :P

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Review #4, by Lillylover22 

17th January 2012:
Clever harry. This story is great 9/10 : )

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Review #5, by Houlestar 

8th January 2012:
I really like getting to see Ron, Harry and Draco in this story. It's really interesting to see how the characters are similar to what they were as kids and how they've changed. You've done a really good balance of the two, so it really seems like these characters grown up and not just fifteen-year-olds with an aging potion. I like the resolution you gave to the Black family drama. I always thought that after the war Narcissa and Andromeda would make up, not exactly being close, but no longer hating each other.

Harry at the end seems so much like Dumbledore. Those riddles... It's believable that Harry would take up his mentor's style, so that was a nice touch.

Well done!
-Houlestar

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Review #6, by apocalypse 

5th November 2011:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

Okay overall i didn't see much progress in this chapter. It was more of a drag and frankly it sort of got boring in between, i guess you're saving the best for later? =p

Its good to see how everyone's sticking by the job rules but still helping each other. Like Teddy assured Ron that Rose's fine and Harry leading Malfoy to Teddy without saying a word, to get some assurance for him, about his son. However i don't like the formal harry. Granted that he's at work but he's talking to his god son. And he's Harry, so the formality didn't really fit in here.

The new Draco Malfoy was not what i expected. He's softer and he's working in the ministry?? Okay it's understandable that gotten nicer but the ministry just doesn't suit him, at all. You did mention Harry and Ron's surprised reactions so i guess my surprise was covered by them too.

As usual everything in your story fits with each other. And the end was really good. I'm looking forward to more progress on both the case and Malfoy Rose relationship. Or should i say Teddy and Rose? =P

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Review #7, by Cleopatraa 

22nd October 2011:
Review 4
I'm glad you mentioned the Veritaserum once again and that someone had to consent it because Iím sure after the was many tings changed especially with Kingsley and the trio having had a bit power. Especially Hermione as itís her department and she always seemed to me like an humanitarian and Iím sure she changed it in a way so it wouldnít be that corrupt anymore. People buying themselves out, or people being thrown in Azkaban while they were innocent like Sirius.

The only thing I noticed was Harry calling Malfoy Draco and I would imagine those two would always call each other by their surname. Even though they kinda become polite to each other Iím sure in my opinion that that line they wouldnít cross. I like the change Draco made in your story though!

-Trick or Treat from Slytherin House

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Review #8, by Raequinn101 

15th October 2011:
I liked it. i know, very general, but I just liked it. I liked the character parts at the beginning, insight is always good.

I think that you have continued writing in first person successfully.

I was kind of confused in the last couple paragraphs. i am not really sure why, it might just be me, but I wasn't sure what was going on.

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Review #9, by Raine 

14th October 2011:
Oooo if he breaks his contract, I hope he doesn't get caught! That was a clever way to put it, the way Harry said it. So funny. I love the humor and mystery mix. It's perfect. 100/100

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Review #10, by BellatrixLivesOn 

27th September 2011:
Oh sneaky stuff. I forgot about Roses family. I bet they have been so worried for her. I can really see Ron being worried like that and wanting to know. And Harry trying to not let him. Goody good Harry.

I wonder what Teddy will tell Draco! And I want to know what's been going on at the ministry. This is awesome. I love this story.

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Review #11, by GodricGryffindor 

23rd September 2011:
Yeah! Riddles. That was some clever sentence structure and at times it took me a few seconds to actually figure out what was meant. But I got it.

Nice chapter titles.

Uh oh. I hope Ted doesn't get caught for breaking the contract.

This is so good. Update soon!

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Review #12, by harry_vampire 

21st September 2011:
Hey-a!I'm here with your requested reviewing!:D

Well!I'm Sorry that I couldn't review for every chapter but mind you I read all of them*grins.Well!I liked it!

First of all I should say that you are really good at blending humour with mystery & also at perfect timing...Greta Job!
Writing in First person can boring sometimes but while I was reading I never felt anything forced. Teddy...Sometimes I pity him but still you made him intersting!As per other characters...One thing I suggest is give importance to other characters also not just the main one..other than that the story line is intriguing!Please request for the next chapter when ma slot is open!

Keep it up!

Cheers,
Su

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Review #13, by tangledconstellations 

18th September 2011:
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. I feel for you, man.

I really liked this chapter, because to be honest I wasn't expecting him to leave the house so soon, but I guess it kinda makes sense with him having to report back :P I loved the way you described all the corridors and things, the desks, his workmates - Teddy should hate being there on a normal day, but I guess it's that familiarity that makes him feel okay. At least he's escaped :) for now!

Again, the way you've written Harry and Ron was fantastic, and by adding Malfoy to the mix you've shown that you are pretty much the master of canon! I can so imagine Harry being all uppity about Teddy not telling him the details, and of course Ron would be the one more likely to want to know. It really is an awful position to be in, for all of them. Something I did really like was the way Draco, Harry and Ron were all very civil towards each other. It would have seemed a little odd for their teenage resentment to have continued on this long, especially as they've got kids of their own. It was a nice touch. It reminds you the focus is on Teddy.

I am really excited about reading the next chapter, not only to experience more of your pretty-much flawless, wonderful writing, but also to see where you're going to take this! I am literally on the edge of my seat. I really want to know what is going to unravel, and by having another one of these kinda fillers chapters (but not in a bad way) the tension is CRAZY. I so want to know!

Love this! :D L xxx

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Review #14, by Remus 

18th September 2011:
Hey! Its Perelandra once again!

I like this chapter. I absolutely like the idea that you mentioned Harry's emotions and the way the bottles them up. Its true so I'm glad you played that into your story. I also like the loyalty Teddy has towards Harry...that he would tell him everything but not in public. His sarcastic "hooray..." made me actually giggle. Hahaha. Also liked the moment when he said he was a wall decoration. XD You're good in quick, sarcastic humor. I like it!

Now for the critique:

The one little mistake I noticed was ""Agreed," Teddy nodded. "I could tell that he's feeling a little power-tipsy when he was giving me my orders. I know Ron must be worried. So, could you have him...here in your office when I'm done with Peakes?"" You write in first person, through Teddy's POV. Here you switched to third person. You did it only on this part, so its cool. Slips happen.

Second " Now something is going on in the department beneath my level of power that I don't know about. " I honestly would re-write that to something more on the lines of "Now something is going on in the department beneath my level of power and I don't know anything." Idk...sounds better I suppose.

I'm glad you mentioned Veritaserum! As I was reading this I thought "Well...wouldn't it be better to just get the veritaserum and get it over with faster? However...I wouldn't think it's Harry's job but more of Hermione who went into the lawmaking job. I believe she ended up being in charge that laws were being followed and that they were more humanitarian, even for those who are not particularly human.

You also have to be very careful. You're repeating yourself too much about the Malfoy family becoming good people. Lastly, despite the change, I believe Harry will always call Draco by his surname. Calling him by first name it would be friendship between them. Jo actually said that they never became friends but just remained polite to each other so calling each other by last name, without an insult, would be the best idea here.

Other than that...great chapter!! :D I'm wondering what Teddy is going to do...what Harry thought about. I'm interested. Keep writing!

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Review #15, by SunSation Gal 07 

16th September 2011:
Yay! We get to see Harry! And that Peakes is a right piece of work that I would love to kick. He's getting to big a head and it needs to be deflated. :P And we get to see Ron too! I love how you write them all grown up. And that they are still surprised at how much Malfoy has changed.hehe. And still love Teddy's narrative.

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Review #16, by sophie_hatter 

14th September 2011:
Hello! Just wanted to let you know that I'm really enjoying your story. I'm a sucker for Scorpius/Rose, and this is an interesting take on it. And I love how you've inserted Teddy into the whole thing. Good job!

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Review #17, by DarkLadyofSlytherin 

13th September 2011:
Yay! Teddy realizes just what sort of sticky situation his job has put him in. I like knowing that Ted knows, or at least partially knows, that he could be jeopardizing his relationship with Rose by being Scorpius.

I really like that Draco came in curious about what is going on with his son. But again, poor Ted has been put in another sticky situation. I feel bad for him. I just want to give him a hug.

Lovely job, Drue! Can't wait for more!

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Review #18, by mashforever 

13th September 2011:
This is freaking Awesome!!!

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Review #19, by Crescent Moon  

13th September 2011:
Great chapter!! XD
I can't wait to find out what's going to happen next.

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Review #20, by CambAngst 

13th September 2011:
Hi, me again!

First off, the bad news. I found the first conversation between Teddy and Harry hard to follow. I couldn't decide whether they were trying to be sneaky about Teddy sharing information with Ron and Harry or whether they were trying to stick it in other people's faces. The story might benefit from making that more clear. Also, the sentence that includes the line "something is going on in the department beneath my level of power" is kind of awkwardly worded. I try to put that in Harry's voice in my head and it doesn't flow right.

Overall, the story is still heading in a really good direction. I love the intrigue created by a third actor (Peakes) with uncertain motivations. Your take on Draco is definitely different from most authors. It will be interesting to see him develop as an ally rather than an adversary.

Keep on writing and I look forward to reading it!

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Review #21, by looly 

13th September 2011:
Awesome , i'm waiting for next : D I LOVE THIS STORY !

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Review #22, by EmilyChristine 

13th September 2011:
I love this story so far! (: I'm really enjoying the story line, it's different! Can't wait to see where this goes :D

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