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31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Renfair 

19th April 2012:
Hi! Here I am for your chapter two review!

"Those small tips I could see I focused on to make them shoot a light blue, just enough for me to see and to entertain myself." --I guess that's the metamorphmagus equivalent of fiddling with your cell phone :D

"You're a skilled Legilimens. Use that to your advantage." YIKES. First they're moving Rose to some undisclosed location (that doesn't sound AT ALL like the USA outsourcing torture. No. Not whatsoever) and now this Peakes guy is telling Teddy to use Legilimency on her? Um, isn't that what VOLDEMORT used to do to people? I'd be totally terrified of this guy if he was real. But, unfortunately, this is the type of thing that happens after a huge, political crime. All the laws protecting the rights of everyday citizens just seem to, oops, disappear. At least Hermione has her head on straight and is trying to reform things to make the wizarding penal system a little less 1984.

Does the fact that I keep reading "Ruckman" as "Rickman" make it too obvious that I'm a rabid Snape fan? ;)

One thing I'm curious about, especially since Teddy doesn't know Scorpius...would he have Scorpius's voice when changed into him? I guess he probably would, sort of because his vocal cords would change with the rest of his features. I always hated the stupid "I changed my appearance into someone else but I still sound like myself" thing with the Polyjuice Potion in the movies (and the huge plot hole where fake-Moody still sounded like real Moody.) At least that's one less thing Teddy probably has to worry about faking.

"The Ministry will be looking for you, so you can't wonder off" --just a typo there: "wander." "Snitch" should also be capitalized, but those were the only two things I noticed. All the other grammar, punctuation, random mechanical things are great!

I just want to say that I am so glad I'm not in Teddy's shoes (they would be much too big for me, anyway. I'd probably trip.) I think you have a really great set-up here to show Teddy's detective skills to their finest degree. Fortunately he knows Rose well enough to be able to go off of her cues (not that she's giving him any...) I think you're doing a really good job so far of keeping the reader guessing just as much as Teddy is. You're also writing Teddy with a really good, distinct voice (he reminds me ever so slightly of Harry Dresden in "The Dresden Files" with his flying by the seat of his pants attitude.). Nice chapter, and I'll be back for more later! ~Renny

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Review #2, by A Phoenix Means Hope 

14th April 2012:
Why didnt they just use polyjuice potion?

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Review #3, by Teddylover 

4th March 2012:
All right. So we know Rose and Scorpius don't really like each other. So they probably weren't working together then. So I wonder who actually did it. This is heating up. Keep it up!

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Review #4, by Lillylover22 

17th January 2012:
Well this is going to be fun 9/10 : )

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Review #5, by Houlestar 

6th January 2012:
Really liked this chapter. I got completely involved while reading it (which is hard to do since I'm easily distracted by *hey look something shiny!*) This chapter had a really nice flow and very good pacing. Nicely done on that count, since that's what makes the difference between something that's fun to read and something that is painful.

Like I've said before, I haven't read many next-gen stories, so I really don't know how your characterization of Rose and Teddy as Scorpius compare to other versions, which is a good thing because I won't say "Rose doesn't seem like Rose." So far, Rose's character is interesting, and believable. She reminds me a lot of Hermione, which is very appropriate. Teddy's portrayal of Scorpius really reminded me of Snape... Don't know if that was intentional or not, but I like it.

Can't wait to read what happens next!
-Houlestar

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Review #6, by AC_rules 

30th December 2011:
Hi there, so its taken me two months to get to this review so I'm really sorry about that. Especially considering this is such a great story and I've wanted to continue reading for pretty much all of thoes two months. But, life and all.

I think you've still got the whole orginality thing pretty much sussed. Usually from the first two chapters you can sort of guess what the pairings going to be at the end of the fic, but I can honestly say I have no idea. I have no idea how anything is going to work what with Teddy being Malfoy (which is still one of the most fab unique ideas I've heard for a very long time).

I liked how you have the complex working of the ministry here. With Jimmy Peakes and Ruckman thrown in with little introduction as they're just sort of part of ministry life. And you have such a good set up with the whole murder thing starting it all off, and all these mysteries and such. Its going to be very very hard not to continue reading immediately (must not read, must revise) because there are SO many questions I want answered already.

Will we get to meet Scorpius at any point? Man I want to carry on reading.

I didn't think this chapter was funny as the last one (which I found solid gold hillarious) but that might because I'm sick in bed... but you've still got me wanting intrigued and honestly, I really do think this remains orginal so far. I can sort of see where your coming from with the confined space, sort of thing, but with the whole murder twist, Scorpius really being Teddy ect you have enough in there to make it new and exciting :)

The only mistake I picked up on might not actually be a mistake... but there was something slightly wrong with this sentence and I couldn't quite work it out.

He knew he was scared as much as I did, and from that I knew Ruckman believed that she could truly be innocent in this whole ordeal.

Was the second he supposed to be a she? Or am I just being immensely slow and a little thick? I'm honestly not sure, but I'm really glad you re-requested for this chapter and sorry it took me so long! I must continue reading this story one way or another, so feel free to re-request!

-AC

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Review #7, by angie123 

15th November 2011:
I really like this chapter. I found out more about Rose and a little bit about Malfoy and Teddy.

It seems to me the dialogue is a bit off because of Ruckman or either Teddy or Rose. The plot is still brilliant. This I know. I can't wait to read the rest of the chapters and review. Sorry I don't make long reviews, it happens to the best of us, though.

I love the way you portray Malfoy into Teddy. Even without Teddy not knowing anything.

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Review #8, by Cassius Alcinder 

26th October 2011:
Another excellent chapter!

You did a great job of capturing the internal conflicts that Teddy must be going through while undertaking this mission and the difficulty of the challenges he's facing. I also enjoyed how you portrayed Rose and the tensions she experienced with Malfoy.

The set up of the plot in this chapter is very interesting, and I'm really anxious to see where it goes.

I haven't noticed any spelling, grammatical, or mechanical issues, and your descriptions of the characters, plot and settings are superb.

This seems like a fantastic story so far and I will definitely keep reading. Thanks for requesting!

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Review #9, by Cleopatraa 

22nd October 2011:
Review 2
I liked the idea that you used to let Teddy change in Malfoy. Itís great to let him use his ability and itís really original thing to do. For him to use it in this case. I like how you've added the difficulty of pretending to be someone else through Teddy's eyes because Rose knows Malfoy and Teddy isnít aware what kinda relationship is between Rose and Scorpius. So this is very difficult for him.

I do think Rose knows something that could help them discovering who or what murdered the minister. But I do wonder if sheís putting a front up because she thinks they are being watched or if she just despises Malfoy . Very curious. I like Rose btw!

-Trick or Treat from Slytherin House

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Review #10, by Raine 

14th October 2011:
Super chapter! Haha Teddy was funny. Saying how he didn't know anything. I have a feeling that Rose is lying. But I don't know. At least she didn't kiss him! Yay! 100/100

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Review #11, by apocalypse 

5th October 2011:
Hey, i'm back for round two!

This was a really good chapter. The story flowed perfectly and I really liked how you made Ted portray Malfoy. Again, it's really good to see you use his ability to change his appearance so effectively.

Your characterization is going great so far. You were still able to maintain Ted's character perfectly well, which I have to repeat, is FRESH! I like him =) Rose is an interesting creation. She's headstrong, confident and quite straightforward, exactly like she should be in this story. I really like how you have maintained an aura of suspense around her, it makes her character even more interesting and makes the reader to want to learn more about what actually happened.

I didn't really find anything wrong here and now I must tell you that it is not a clichť. It's a pretty unique idea, at least to me it is =P, and I'm sure you'll be able to pull it off easily. You're a really good writer with a good sense of what you want and I love that about you. =) You know exactly how your chapter's supposed to progress and with a firs-person story that's absolutely necessary.

I'm going to stop reviewing here, since you only requested th first two chapters but I'm hoping you come and rerequest =) Good job with the story!

Happy writing! =D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was so helpful, and thank you for tackling many parts of the story. Really, you have no idea how much this helps. I've been really struggling with Teddy's character. Especially in first person and this being the first time I've ever written him.

So thank you so much! :)


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Review #12, by slytherinchica08 

4th October 2011:
An interesting chapter, I really enjoyed it! I think that its a fun and interesting idea that Teddy can turn into anybody and that for the sake of this case he has to turn into Malfoy. It's a great idea really. I think the way he is acting whether he knows it or not is actually pretty close to how I think Malfoy would act in this situation. The scoffs and all.

I only found one mistake and it was here: "I wanted to desperately to tell Rose that" either of the to's need to be deleted it doesn't matter which one as the sentence will sound fine either way but with both of them it doesn't sound right.

Other then that though I think everything is moving along swimmingly. Your characterization is pretty well, I especially like Rose as the headstrong girl, it's nice to see. Very interesting chapter and I'm excited to see where this goes next. Great Job.

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #13, by BellatrixLivesOn 

27th September 2011:
Poor Teddy. He is being so nice as Rose just has no idea. You're doing a good job of making all of this surprising. I can't tell where you're going with it! I'm so excited.

I like your Rose. She's really sweet, but it's hard to read her. She seems like a good actor. Maybe she did do it. Oh no! I hope not!

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Review #14, by GodricGryffindor 

23rd September 2011:
Oh. Sweet chapter.

I liked that ending. About what Teddy knows and what Malfoy could know. That was funny and made me laugh.

I really want to know who killed him and if they actually tool part not it's just a set up. Super exciting.

Nice!

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Review #15, by SunSation Gal 07 

16th September 2011:
Haha, and so they are now thrown together in one little cottage. This ought to be good. :P And Teddy's narrative still cracks me up.

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Review #16, by CambAngst 

13th September 2011:
Another strong outing! Looks like Teddy won't be snogging Rose, at least not right away.

This must have been tricky to write, and I think you did a good job with it. It can't be easy, trying to put yourself in the character of a person trying to be another person, then have it all come out correctly in print. Can't wait to see Rose start to open up, if that's in the cards.

Just a couple of nit-picky things.
- About 2/3 of the way down the page, you put "wonder off" when I think you meant "wander off".

- Five paragraphs below that, did you mean to write "He knew she was scared" instead of "He knew he was scared"?

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Review #17, by MajiKat 

6th September 2011:
i love this story so much darling. i love your teddy - he is so different from the usual, which i think i told you last review, lol. and i love the mystery of rose and scorpius - what has gone on with them in the past? the demanding of separate rooms is intriguing...either she doesn't trust him or...well, i guess we wait and see.

i wish i had further things to say but i don't. i am thoroughly enjoying this and am now off to read chapter 3. again, such an original and well-executed idea!

Kate xx

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Review #18, by onestop_hpfan18 

2nd September 2011:
Hmm, curious, very curious. I wonder whether this is all an act Rose is putting up to make it appear she really doesn't know anything, while in fact she really does know something crucial to the case. Whether she's innocent or not, I believe she knows something that could help them discover who killed the Minister. And I'm curious as to how Teddy plans to break into her tough exterior when clearly she despises Malfoy. Or that could be a front Rose is putting up because she's suspicious that her and Malfoy (Teddy) are being watched, despite what Ruckman told the pair of them. Either way, awesome chapter and expect another review from me on chapter three some time soon. (: 10/10 ILY

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Review #19, by Remus 

31st August 2011:
Hey! Its Perelandra again! So sorry for the delay, I've been real busy at work but now its over.

I'm really interested where you're taking this. Is she REALLY innocent? I want to know! Your characterization on Ted seems very consistent to make him a very believable and rounded character who is full of flaws and attributes. He seems like a cocky character yet he's not confident about pretending to be Malfoy. I like how you've added the difficulty of pretending to be someone else through Teddy's eyes. Tonks, as far as we know, only pretended to be random people while Ted, on the other hand, is going deeper by being someone Rose may know. So he'll always have to question himself and double think everything he does. Rose is...intriguing. I have a feeling she's definitely hiding something. You've built this mystery around Rose with very little detail and dialogue yet I love it...its a very nice touch to the theme of the story.

Plot wise and style: you're a strong writer that seems to know where this is going. First person, personally, is very hard to do without over describing everything the character is doing or seeing. You've managed to keep a great balance between his description and the dialogue. We're not forever trapped in his head making it tedious. Which is fantastic! Anyway its still too early to comment more about the plot (since we still don't know if they did it or not) but please, if you update...don't hesitate to post a request! I'll be excited to find out what happens and who really committed the murder.

Author's Response: Gah! Thank you SO MUCH for this helpful review! It has really been so beneficial to me. Thank you!

I hope you are enjoying it! Thanks so much! :)


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Review #20, by academica 

27th August 2011:
Hi! Here at last with your review :) Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to get around to it; grad school has eaten up my life!

I love how you started this off, with Teddy sort of playing around with his new look using his Metamorphagus abilities. That was really cute to visualize, and it gives the story a lighthearted feel despite its darker, more ominous undertones. I also loved the little comment about there not being an acting class at Hogwarts -- very amusing moment :)

This is definitely still an interesting concept. I really thought you did a wonderful job with Teddy's character. I really saw him come out when he was being escorted along with Rose, in those couple of lines where he had to remind himself to act like Malfoy, to look like he would feel in this situation. He's a smart guy, and he's good at what he's doing, but he still feels a definite separation from the person he's currently imitating.

I'm happy to see that you've gotten some more reviews since I last stopped by, and I think you've got a really cool concept going on with this one. I didn't see any huge technical mistakes, and everything flowed quite nicely, easily keeping my interest. I think you've interspersed Teddy's inner thoughts quite well with the main plot of the story.

Nice work! Thanks for re-requesting, and feel free to do so again when chapter three comes out :) As always, I hope my comments are helpful to you!

academica

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so very much! All of your input was so beneficial, and I will definitely take it to heart.

I'm glad you're seeing it that way. It's how I was wanting it, so that's good. Thank you so much! I will probably come ask your opinion of the next chapter. Thank you!

And yes! Your comments are always so helpful! :)


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Review #21, by Atomic 

27th August 2011:
Hello again!!

You're doing such a marvelous job with this story!! I love how Rose is trying so hard to be brave, even though you can tell she's really upset. And poor Teddy, he just wants to make her feel better, and he has no idea how to behave like Malfoy.

I think you're doing a wonderful job with Teddy, his characterization is great. I love how you've given him a strong personality. You've also portrayed his relationship with the Potters and the Weasleys really well. I definitely love the person you've made him.

As for the first person, I didn't even notice it in this chapter. The first one it was a little bit odd, just because I never read first person stories, but it was done so well here that I didn't even notice the switch.

And I still adore this plot. I can't wait to see how Teddy/"Scorpius" is going to interact with Rose. You've got so much tension built up up between them, and I am so excited to see where you take this!

Absolutely beautiful story! No need to re-request. I will definitely be back to read the next chapters!

10/10!

Author's Response: Oh! Wow! Well, thank you so much for that! I really hope so. I would love to see you back and such.

As always, thank you for your extremely kind words and your review. Thank you for taking the time to read it and leave your thoughts.

Thanks SO much! :)


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Review #22, by Lady of Tears 

27th August 2011:
Another great chapter! The beginning started off a little slow to me, and I got a bit confused because I wasn't sure if Ted had seen Malfoy or not, so when Ruckman started talking I didn't know if Ted was watching or if he was really Malfoy yet.

But once 'Tedfoy' started interacting with Rose, it really picked up. I think the way that he reacted to the situation was believable. And while the interaction with Rose wasn't until the end, I totally believed her character as well. I especially loved the line about her being Ron and Hermione's daughter, and having their courage. Her fire was really fun to read.

The sentence: †"He knew he was scared as much as I did" I think you meant to say "He knew SHE..." Other than that, everything looked spot on.

Most of all, I liked the mystery of your story. You didn't just reveal everything about their relationship the minute Rose and Tedfoy were alone. It made me really want to click to go to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Oh! Thank you for pointing that sentence out! You're so right. I will go fix that when I edit.

Thank you! And thanks for all your input! Haha. Tedfoy. That's great! Love it! I might have him call himself that somewhere in the future. :P

Thank you for taking the time to read and review. You were so helpful!


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Review #23, by tangledconstellations 

26th August 2011:
Helloo! It's me again! Another really great chapter!

I love that you've built up Teddy's character all the more, and I really feel as though all of his thoughts and actions are more justified. The first chapter was hilarious, and this was too, but it was nicer to have a more serious tone to it as the story is developing, and through this you're giving us the opportunity to understand the characters in different situations.

I really feel for Teddy and his situation. I hardly blame him for being terrified - I mean, its not like Hogwarts even had extra-curricular acting classes haha, let alone timetabled ones! I've always wondered how Tonks impersonated people in her job, but I guess all she really did was wing it, just like Teddy! I love how things have the possibility to go a little bit pear-shaped, because that's what'd happen in real life!

Your writing, again, flows seamlessly. You've intertwined humour, a touch of seriousness, a fantastic story line and plenty of scope for imagination in this. You balance your brilliant one-liners with an atmosphere you could cut with a knife, and its so brilliant, it really, really is. I've never come across a story like this. I've got a knot of worry in my tummy over this, because I'm so anxious for Teddy not to screw this up, and part of me wants him to wipe Rose's tears away and really tell her its him. This suspense is going to mount, I can feel it, and when it does, you're going to have your readers dying for each new chapter update! Its all so ominous!

An e.g. of how you combine the funny with the OMGHNG: 'It was true. I really didn't know shit. But whether the real Malfoy knew shit or not was a whole different story.'
I mean - argh! I'm laughing, but I'm anxious, and Teddy's carefree, but he's exactly like I am! Terrified! I'm so worried Rose is going to be the murderer, or Malfoy is, or...agh! I love this. :)

/ramble and feeble attempt at a decent review. I want more please! :D L xxx

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Review #24, by thatclutzsarahh 

26th August 2011:
Hi, it's Thatclutzsarahh again!

So starting off,
The tense was a little strange at the beginning. "I've had the appearance of Malfoy and I''m already sick of it" When did he get rid of it? But it wasn't too distracting. I find that at some points in the story, we don't' really get an emotional read on the characters. There is a lot of description (which is wonderful!) but not a lot of emotion from any of them. I got a new insight into Ted, and that he is arrogant. I'm not sure if it is intentional or not, but that came through at one point. Be careful with that, you don't want to make him too arrogant.

I must admit, you had me fooled when I read Rose was crying.I thought for a brief moment that she was actually scared and crying. That was very convincing, you get a sense of their emotions there. Then it seemed to be some filler (Ruckman and the cabin) and finally the surprise is revealed, she's not really crying! Excellent! She is a very good actress and Ted is a very good confused Malfoy. I enjoyed reading this and hope you find this helpful!

Feel free to re-request at anytime!

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Review #25, by sarah 

25th August 2011:
"I think I have a guess as to what is going to happen! In their confinement they'll fall in love and then they'll come back to their real life and Rose will be in love with Scorp and not Ted! That would suck for Teddy..."

that will be awesome :)

Author's Response: Hahaha. All righty. You will have to see. :) Thanks for the review. :)

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